Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 291- Jesse Probably Needs Therapy

Episode Date: May 31, 2021

Once again Jesse has some venting to do, and his good pal Crendor is there with sage advice. At least I think it's advice? Meanwhile Crendor is living his best life, drinking strange things and painting lizards. Speaking of lizards, a wild dinosaur story awaits you inside! Speaking of inside, that dinosaur story is wild! All this and more, on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Visit http://joinhoney.com/cox to get Honey for free. Go to http://calm.com/COX for 40% off unlimited access to Calm's entire library.

Today's episode is brought to you by Honey. Honey is out there trying to save you some money on your online purchases. Also, we're brought to you by Calm. Hey, it's time to chillax. Rechill with your life. Calm is here to help. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Cacks and Cretton.

This is Cretton in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studios. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's Cacks and Cretton in the morning. Cacks and Cretow in the morning! K-I-X-I-N-D-O-W in the morning!

Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Kaxi Creddow in the morning! Hey! Hey to you too! What's going on? How are you? How's it going? What's up? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How have you been? How are you doing? Oh man, do you really want to know? Do you really want to know how I'm feeling? Or is that just, are you just trying to be nice? No, I'd say I really want to know. Oh, thank God.

You thought about it for a minute and you were like, oh, you know what? It'd probably make for a good episode. It'd probably make for a good episode. No, I just, I'm at that stage of my life where I think I've been in very obviously been in enough failed relationships that when it like doesn't work out, I'm like, fine. I'm like, all right, well, that was a thing. And I just move on. But I'm always ending up in relationships with people who are kind of still figuring it out and don't really have a lot of experiences with breakups

So in my mind, it's like a one conversation thing if you're breaking up with me If i'm breaking up with you, let's pull this band-aid and move on but for some reason the last few people i've dated it's been like We need to have a conversation about our feelings and then spend a few days working through some shit. It's so unnecessary. It literally can be like, look, we're done. Let's move on. Clearly, we don't need to communicate anymore.

It's fine. But it's just like, oh, Crandor, I know you don't have to deal with this. I know you're happily married and you haven't had to deal with this for a long time. But let me tell you, I was recently told by this girl that I was seeing that like, you know what? She's still hung up on her ex. She's not ready to move on. And I was like, well, that does suck for me. But like, okay.

Thanks. It's glad I know this now. And so moved on with my life. But then she starts texting me about things she's doing in her life. And I'm like, what? And I messaged her back like you know i was real chill and like respectful when you said you had to go like you know handle your business with your ex or like you said whatever i didn't like you know make a scene or nothing i

was just like all right i understand you're feeling some things like that's on you go go do your thing and then she just started messaging me and i had to literally message back be like look this is i respected how you felt this is how i feel don't do this like don't say you don't want like don't be like i don't want to be together but also here's what i'm doing today like what why would why would i need that information like i don't need to know what you and your friends are doing because we're no longer in a relationship. We're not. Like, this isn't.

You literally told me you can't be with me because you still had feelings for your ex. And then I sat there and took it like a boss. Like, okay. And then moved on. And then you're just like, by the way. So the other night I went out and did this stuff. And I'm like, what the hell? How is that

how do you think i feel right now when you send me stuff like this so i was so even in that moment i was still respectful and was like okay this is fine and so i think i got my point across because your message back like you're right and i'm like i know i'm right i'm very right and so i'm just like all right right, moving on. But it happens with the frequency that makes me question who I'm into or who I'm dating. And I don't know. It's probably a me thing. I'll be honest. But it also seems like, I don't know. I don't want to generalize, but boy, everyone I've dated, every time we've broken up It's always like a whole Thing like it's gotta be Days of working through

Drama and I'm just like I don't see the point It seems like you're just trying to feel good About this breakup And you can move on and like Not feel like the bad guy And I don't care whether you Feel like the bad guy or not

It doesn't have to be like a thing. Oh, it's always a thing. It's always a thing. It's always a thing. And I'm just like, it doesn't have to be. You said this is how you felt. I said this is how I felt. And like, great.

We communicated and like, we're good. And I don't know. It's so weird. People are just like, I've never had a breakup like that before. I just don't know how to react. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, usually there's fighting and yelling. It's like, look, I am too old and tired to fight and yell.

Like, if you're not into me, I will find someone who is. I'm not. I'm all right. Like, I will be okay. I'm not going to be like, now you've ruined my life. No, that just means I get more time to play games. ruined my life no i get that just means i get more time to play games like the they expect it to be like a dramatic movie of like you know like this big thing and then you're like you're like wait don't break up and like follow them to like their airplane ride as they're like flying away to a

different country and you're just like no but then they're like maybe i will be with you but then they're like but my ex is over there and you're like the crazy thing is is that i know a lot of women i've talked to have been like i like it when a guy fights for me like he was gonna fight for me and i'm like if you say to me something along the lines of like i'm still home on my ex or i don't think it's gonna work out between us or like i'm going to take you at face value i'm not gonna be like i'll fight for you. I've done that before. I've struggled with that before. That's what pretty much my 20s was.

And let me tell you, it's not worth it. I'm not with any of those people still. That's just all red flags to me. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you want me to like chase you, but you're also admitting that like, you know, while you're chasing me, I don't be hung up on other people, but you got to prove yourself to me. Nah, I'm good. Nah, I'm fine. I'm not going to do that.

I'd rather have free time and like do my own thing than be like, so today I spent roughly 16 hours trying to prove my love to someone who like barely cares. Yeah, no, I'm all right. Like, I just, I don't know. I'm just over that. And I know it probably comes as a shock to my parents. Not at all. They probably be like, honest to God, we've had conversations where they're like, look, we don't expect, we don't expect much. I haven't expected much for a while.

Yeah. And that's fine. I like that my parents are chill. Yeah and that's fine I like that my parents are chill I'm fine that I'm able to like focus on work And grow business and do stuff And not have to worry about like Do I have two kids yet

I literally don't care At all It's not something that I'm like you know If I dated a person and then we got married And then like she's like I'm gonna have kids and be like alright Yeah you're not like going out of your way Yeah doesn't add anything to my life. I'm not staying up at night being like, oh, I'm going to die alone.

Spoiler, I feel like I'm going to die alone anyway, underwater eaten by a shark. I know what's going to happen. The first time I go scuba diving, a shark's going to get me. I know. I know what's going to happen. So I'm not worried. In summation, uh, that's pretty much been my last few attempts at relationships. Either they're way too into it and I'm not at all. And it's like, nah, I don't think we should.

And they're like, or it's the exact opposite where they're like, I can't be with you. And I'm like, all right. And they're like, but do you still want to be friends? I'm like, nah. Like, nah, I'm good. So, yeah, that's where I'm at emotionally. Or I'm just like, man. The worst part is, this is honest to God how I felt.

It took roughly a day's worth of talking to get to the point where it was like, I'm still hung up on my ex. Then another day of like wait are you still texting me what is happening right now in order to get through it all meanwhile in final fantasy 14 a new area released and i was like i could have been playing that instead of dealing with all this bullshit that's what i was like i got i got stuff to grind i'm trying to get to level 25 in this damn thing and i'm like man i spent two days dealing with this that's where i'm at i'm like come on i could i could have been level 25 by the weekend yeah so now you know my priorities i do know your priorities i feel like i knew them

anyway uh but uh i think an important part a relationship is finding someone you can grow with, because me and Toaster Woman look back, like, even five years ago, and I'm like, man, we're both completely different. Like, it's actually insane how different we are, but we're still, like, together and get along. So it's like finding somebody of chemistry with that you can grow with and not just somebody you can get with for, like, a year or something. I'll be the first to say I'm admittedly jealous of your relationship.

The two of you seem to be coasting along just fine. I hope that in the background you're fighting all the time because it's the only way that it makes sense to me because frankly, you've had it too easy, my friend. Too easy. I don't know. Maybe I should just... Here's the thing.

I always keep saying I'm going to find a librarian and date a librarian. And I never do. I never do. Have you gone to the library? No. No, I haven't. I've got some advice. Yeah.

Go to the library. Thank you. I mean, I couldn't for a year. I couldn't go anywhere for a year. Yeah. Go to the library. Thank you. Thank you, Edgar. I mean, I couldn't for a year. I couldn't go anywhere for a year. So now it's all library all the time. Except librarians in L.A. are probably all like 85. Although maybe that's what I need. It might be what you need.

Maybe most of my life I've been dating younger ladies, and now it's time to go 85. Nothing below 85 or nothing below 85 or nothing. 85 or nothing. I figure I can weasel my way into a will or two. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Like, Jesse, how did you afford this mansion?

Be like, a lot of broken hips, let me tell you. I saw you tweeted about working out and feeling better. Yeah. I mean, like I just said, I've been going through some stress. It's strange that I only seem to work out when I'm overly stressed about stuff. And I should be doing it every day, but I'm like, it just makes me feel better. So if I'm stressed, I just go work out. And the other day I was like, man, I should be stressed more often.

Cause this, no, that's not true. It's weird. Like days when I have nothing going on, when I should be working out or the days where I'm just like, man, I got nothing going on. I'm going to go like lay in the sun, doing nothing. It's so I'm a mess. What can I say? So I asked for suggestions because people were like, bro, here's what you need to do.

And I was like, okay, we'll see. We'll see what I need to do. You got a lot of people tweeting you stuff. Dr. John gave you some tips. He gave you paragraphs. You got people giving you stuff. I just said lift, bro. Lift, bro.

I mean, I get it. I get you. Yeah, I need to do a lot. So, I need to do a lot. So I need to do a lot. Man, as somebody who was falling apart, working out is just like the best thing you do to get back in shape. It's like, oh, my God. I just love going to the gym five days a week. Five days a week.

I got my upper body, lower body upper body lower body and i'll do like a couple cardios mixed in there honestly i'd go six days but usually i got like some stuff i gotta do and i'm like man i get back in the gym that's like everybody knows like you gotta go on a diet like everyone there's like diet mat there's a reason diet magazines and books and all these things are selling all over because it's like everyone's like well what about this next diet it's like the hardest thing is just you got to go on a diet and that's not even like to lose weight that's just like a diet in general like me people like oh you got to go on a special diet of eating not eating out and eating low fat and doing this till your stomach gets better and it's like oh my god you kidding me that's all like just eating turkey burgers and you know sweet potatoes every day

i'm like oh my god i'm gonna lose it but eventually you get used to it and then it's just uh you know you gotta usually what happens is you need it's like a scale and once the scale tips one way it like pushes you that way so like after all my pain of like gallbladder surgery and stomach problems and all that i was like you know what i think i need to go to the gym and that was enough to like push me over the edge so i'm like shit dude i'm like falling apart i gotta do something you know i know exactly what you're talking about. I know I, in 2012, damn, that was that long ago. In 2012, for a good year, I went to the gym every day. And I was like dropping poundage and like being amazing.

And it was great. And then I immediately started doing like extra work for a bunch of different things and just stopped. And ever since then, like, it's just been on my mind. Like I know exactly what you're referring to. Like I lived that life. I get it. And I just, I know that if I can get back into it, the problem is I never get back into

it. Like, I'm like, if I get back into it, I can do this. I can make this happen, but it just never happens because I suck. So, yeah. I'm going to try and make a valiant effort. The problem is I have to double, triple plan everything. And then when I do, things like, great example, Monday.

Things like Monday happen. So, alright. Here we go. Monday, 9 to 11. I'm looking at my calendar right now. I'm putting my book open for you. Flip it open. Monday, 9 to 11, Marvel podcast that we do every Monday, 9 to 11. All right.

Immediately following that, a meeting with Kristen and Dodger to go over script for the game we're making. To go over script changes. That can last, I don't know, for however long. we're making to go over script changes that can last i don't know for however long then immediately after that drive to torrents go record the rest of scary game squad and finally beat resident evil 8 i might end my day at 11 p.m all right so the solution the only solution is wake up early and work out here's's my problem, Chris. All right. If I try to work out at 7 a.m. or 8 a.m. or whatever, I'm letting you know right now, bro,

those workouts are the laziest, dumbest, lamest workouts. I'm like half awake, half involved, like not even putting in an effort, and I know what it's like. And then I'll just feel like weird all day. My prime workout zone is always around 5pm. If I can work out around 5, I'm like yeah, but I can't because my life is a mess.

That's just Monday, my dude. Well, the problem is you're not prioritizing it. What if something is like, oh, there's like a podcast, 5pm, you gotta do it. You'd be like, alright, I'm doing it. And then it's like, what if you gotta work out 5pm? You're like, I guess I could need to do that. Look, I understand. all right, I'm doing it. And then it's like, well, if you've got to work out at 5 p.m., you're like, I guess I need to do that. Look, I understand.

I mean, I am slowly falling apart in the worst ways. So, yeah, I get it. I know what I need to do. I just don't. And we've talked about this before. I just, you know, it's every day. It's every day I'm reminded of my Total failures That's why you gotta change it

Thanks pal Thanks for that That's why you gotta change it idiot Oh yeah okay I will Thanks you convinced me Hey no problem You need me as your Rocky coach I do

I do need you to be like, get it. Take a beating, Rock. That's what I'm saying. So you got to like, I'll just remind you. I'll be like 5 p.m. You better be working out. And I'll say that every day at 5 p.m. I'll have a bot that does it.

And sometimes I'll take the bot down and I'll do it myself. That way you know I'm like checking in. Or you can have everybody tweet at you. That's even better. I definitely need the internet to be up in my business all the time. I think that is very healthy. I can't imagine a more unhealthy system of like, Hey, internet, people I don't know, be accountable for my life.

That seems so incredibly unhealthy in every way. Really, I'm just losing the weight because of you. Well, I should want to do it for me. I just don't. I suck. You just got to make it a habit. Once you get in the habit, you're good to go. My big habit problem is putting stuff off another day.

That's my number one problem. I'll always be like, I can do it tomorrow. I've got to get something else done today or I've got to do this other thing today. I'll put it off until tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes and I'm like, all right, it's just not going to happen today. I've got to put it off tomorrow. That happens all the time. And I need to figure out what, I need to solve that.

And I know that's baby steps. And I know that there's someone listening right now who's like, You're so dumb, Jesse! Right? But, like, you don't get it. I know I'm so dumb. I know this. I know it.

Well, I don't think you're dumb. I just think it's hard to make a habit out of that. Especially when you're busy. But you gotta try. You. But you got to try. You got to try. That's my motivational speech. Thank you. You got to try.

You got to try. You got to try. You got to try. You got to try. Yeah, I'm on the complete opposite end because people will be like, yo, want to stream this game or do something? I'm like, I can't. Got to go to the gym the gym well that's because you have correct priorities and i do not i just have so many things planned in this book i'm just looking at it right now this is just

things that are on this book i got other things i gotta do i have like commitments and things that are on my other calendar creme d'or your other calendar what i have multiple calendars. That's alright. This is a red flag going up in my book. You're like, alright, my calendar looks good here, but let me check my other calendar. It's like, what the shit are you doing? Well, you know what? One is...

Shut up. Just shut up. Leave me be. The other calendar. Okay, so here's the thing. I have a problem making schedules and keeping to them. You're the opposite. You've got two calendars. It's a problem.

I know. I have multiple calendars for multiple things that I'm involved in. That's why you just consolidated. What I really need to do is like what what if I what if I hire someone to play the games and write me a script and then I just like show up record it at goofy and go on my that I

could do what if I don't play games anymore and I just pretend I do I think that could be a solid solution. That's half the internet right there. Half the streamers and YouTubers. Oh my God. I can't even begin. Yeah.

Most of the channels that exist are like a dude, just a voice. And then like everything else is played by someone else. Yeah. That's all. Yeah. Maybe I jump on that train. I'm just like, Hey, it's me, Jesse. Oh, no, look at the monster.

Oh, boy. Yeah. See, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, do you think people want to be paid in exposure? Yo, if you play these games, I'll send you a free copy of this game, and you can write the script for me. Thank you. Someone will do it. Yeah, but is it the person who's going to be good?

That's the question. Probably not. You know what? No one's cared about my content for years. It's fine. It doesn't matter if it's good or not. It's terrible. It must be Jesse playing. Yeah. This guy sucks. As long as they're looting everything.

That's all that matters. Look, explore every corner, waste several episodes just looting, we'll be fine. Yeah, there you go. See, look at that. We're already solving problems. Yeah, man.

We're finally really helping the people out there with problems just like mine. All the aging influencers that exist out there, we're finally helping them. Thank God. Yeah. Someone needed to. This is the show that's doing it.

This is another classic Jesse therapy session concluded. Oh, God. I need actual therapy session. All right. Well, enough about me then. What's going on with you? What's happened to you this week? Besides, by the way, the last episode, everyone was like, damn, that food.

Even Alex was pretty impressed. Actually, when you're here, the place. So in LA, we mentioned last time that there are four two-star Michelin restaurants. There's one called Providence. It's very hard to get into. But across the street, the dude opened, like, a brunch place. Not hard to get into at all. And it's roughly the same equivalent.

And that place is dope. I mean, I love me some brunch. It was good. You get an egg. You get a pancake. You get a mimosa. Hell yes. Well, all right.

Now back to you. Sorry I had, all right. Now back to you. Sorry, I had to interrupt you. Now back to me. Yeah. No, that's fine. That's fine. Oh, you know what I forgot to mention from last week? Is we also went to the Starbucks roastery.

Okay. Yes, you had like a hell of a day. You went out and did a whole thing. Well, Nick loves food, if you couldn't tell. So he was like, yo, I want to try that roastery. And I was like, all right. So we went and they had like, you try a bunch of ice coffees. We tried a bunch of hot coffees.

And then we got like a, the like cheese meat platter, whatever it's called. That's pretty good, actually. I really like their cheese meat platter thing. They had like an olive. A bunch of olives were actually good. And I don't even like olives. At the roastery, they had like a real charcuterie. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the thing. Actually, according to TikTok, that's not a thing. I'm not supposed to say charcuterie. It's whatever the hell this lady says on there. Let me just say, I don't care supposed to say charcuterie. It's whatever the hell this lady says on there. But let me just say I don't care. It's charcuterie. Well, luckily I don't watch TikTok, so it doesn't matter to me.

And then we got our alcoholic Starbucks drinks, which were actually pretty good. Well, what were those? Time out. What do you mean alcoholic Starbucks? Yeah, the Starbucks Roastery. So if you don't know, in downtown Chicago. I'm going to have to Google this now.

Yeah, in downtown Chicago, there's a roastery, and it's like a four-story Starbucks. And let me see if I can pull up the menu. Wee-woo, wee-woo, wee-woo. So the fourth floor, you got your alcoholic drinks. Third floor was like food. Second floor was like bakery or coffee and pastries. And the first floor was like more pastries, I think. Honestly, it was kind of confusing.

But figure it out. That sounds neat. Fourth floor, they had the... Why is it so hard to find the alcohols? Oh, there we go. Okay, so they had the Chicago exclusive cocktails. I think I had

the Union Stock. Or was it the Union Stock? I think it was. It's a Starbucks Reserve Whiskey Barrel Age Cold Brew Capoletti Rabarro Sufumabua, a Luxardo Amaro Abano, a barrel-aged cold brew, Capoletti, Rhabarro, Souffle Mamois, Luxardo Amaro, Abano, a Rhine Hall Grappa, and a Lemon Peel.

Whoa, time out. What the hell did you just say? I don't know. That's very obvious. That's true. It's actually, where's the... Oh yeah, and then Toaster Woman woman got the blush mint julep which is

tivana jade citrus mint tea gin aperol cochi americano rosa lemon juice simple syrup and strawberry mint sprig cochi whatever the hell you said sounds like uh like something you just made up. It's that. Hers was actually pretty good. It was a pretty solid drink. Mine was essentially like a beer and a shot. Like they gave you the shot and you pour it in. It's like this beer thing. I don't even know if that's the one it was.

I think it was actually something else because it doesn't sound like it was. And then Nick got one that was just off the menu and they just off the menu. And they just made him it. And it was. I think his was pretty good too. We like tried all of them. The classic affogato is what I would have got.

Thank you very much. It's just ice cream with two shots of espresso over it. And that's a solid dish right there. I'm like. Oh man. Whenever we have a live show again, we can go to the old roastery. Hell yes. That we can handle. Oh, my

God. I wonder what Christmas time is like in Chicago. Probably cold, snowy. I'm just going to put this out there. I mean, yes, you're right. But I meant like for venues. All I'm just going to put this out there. I mean, yes, you're right. But I meant like for venues.

All I'm saying is, if we did a show, would you dress up like an elf if I dressed up like Santa? I will give you this. You can rip off the sleeves so you can be a ripped elf. All right. Fair enough. Is that all it took? I'll take it. Plus, you know, if enough people show up, we actually make money

and I just don't dress up like an elf for no reason. Well, yeah, I mean, I'll... Sure. I just want to wait until, you know, I'm like, everyone lets me chill, let's be calm. Let's make sure everyone, even if they are pretending they got a vaccine, actually is okay. Because apparently that's

the thing now. Like, yeah, I got it. And you're like, what? Oh my god. I already knew that was going to happen. Yeah. I don't know. I'd be fine with that. I mean, listen, I gotta pay for that dinner.

Alright? That's what people are like. Dude, why aren't you posting the pictures on something else? You're posting on Patreon? I'm like, gotta pay for that dinner. All right. That's what people are like. Why aren't you posting the pictures on something else? You're posting on Patreon. I'm like, got to pay for that dinner. Yeah. The dinner didn't buy itself. Yeah. I mean, listen, I'm not streaming.

I'm going to the gym. Yeah. Now, see, it's all coming together. Maybe I just got to start streaming my workouts. I know Bajira does that. It's true coming together Maybe I just gotta start streaming my workouts I know Bajira does that It's true he does I think the difference is he is an at home gym I know when a lot of people Stream their workouts the actual gyms

Are like please stop Yeah cause I mean you know how do you feel you're working out And some dudes like streaming you Over there and you're just like Trying to work out in peace Yeah I mean I get that the last thing i i want is my ass like in the background of someone's video is i'm like trying to keep up a pace and heart rate on a damn thing yeah oh my god they're like who is this idiot i'm like

i'm just working out sweating getting a good sweat good sweat. Yeah, plus it's like, you know, there's like people of all ages and, you know, whatever, working out. So you got like the 80-year-olds just being like, and you got like the people like me back when I first started working out where I'm like, here we go, five pounds. And then, you know, you got a nice variety of everybody. and then uh you know you got a nice variety everybody but oh especially at at your place it isn't like a total gym or some non or like a gold it's like a health center so they get a lot of people that are like they had the they're rehabbing from like cardio surgery or problems and stuff or then you get like you know you have wide variety so i like it more because you don't a lot of people like i get judged at the gym and stuff, but at a place like that,

there's so many different people of all ages and everything that it's like, eh. Most people don't care. I feel like if you go to Planet Fitness, you're going to get probably a worse experience. But maybe it probably just depends on your Planet... I don't know what I'm saying. Planet Fitness.

Maybe it's like going to McDonald's or one. McDonald's makes your fries really good. And the other one, they suck ass. I mean, you're right. What else did I do this week? I play a game of Warhammer. I love that you sold it. It's like, I'm not.

Look, some McDonald's are great, some suck ass. And that's like true. Everyone in the world can agree with that statement. Yeah. It's like, some people are like, yeah, it's just the McDonald's. But no, some McDonald's are genuinely better than others. And same with like Taco Bell or any of the fast food things. Like sometimes you go to one, they like burn your shit.

And you're like, dude, my quesadilla is burned and they're like whatever and some of them They like make it perfectly and you're like wow thanks like if I'm gonna eat a shitty fast food thing I want it to be at least like edible you know this is My parents are on this train where they love this place up Pollo Loco But the one that's closest to us they don't go to because they're like, they don't make it right there. And so they'll go out of their way to another one,

and they love that one. That's what I'm saying. And I always thought, like, that's really stupid. That's dumb. But I will say, I know exactly what they mean. I just like giving them a hard time. But I know what they mean. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You just got to them a hard time. But I know what they mean. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You just got to find the good spots. And new Warhammer stuff came out. So I like I've been making Warhammer videos. That's been fun. There's like the new box coming out. It's got like hobgoblins and shit. I saw you tweet about that. And I was like, of course, this is exactly his vibe of like goblin

archers you were like yeah i'm like yeah all right they're like weird like lord of the rings looking goblins because right now they just have big bulky like wow goblin or uh orcs and then they have like the little git goblins but now they're like a nice mixture and they got like crossbows and shit they got like one riding a crazy swamp hyena. They got like Gul'dan. They got the whole crew. They got a swamp grot or stab grot. He's got a little knife. He just stabs people. I love it. I'm ready to play

these guys. So if you want to see more of that, that's on my Warhammer Crendor channel, which actually has been growing. When you say play, I'm ready to play these guys. Have you jumped into, do you actually Warhammer? Like real Warhammer? Yeah, I've played probably like 30, 40 games.

Where? How? How do you do this? Online? You just go to like a local game place. Do you win? I win like probably 40, 50% of the time. Really?

Yeah. Is this something you're good at that I just am not aware of your i thought you just painted and had fun with them and we're like these are my soldiers like i didn't know you were like i used to do that then i went to the game store i'm like they're like hey you want to learn how to play and i was like yeah i'll learn how to play and then i learned how to play and then i met people there and then i'd just be like you know talk to them be like hey you want to play a game next week they'd be like yeah and the best part is like most of them don't know i'm on the internet nobody's like wow is that the cred door i'm just like i mean i know you and i'm not sure you're

on the internet so that's true i'm like who is this guy yes being another uh just another nerd so it's great it's like a nice little escape. You get a little IRL socializing. Granted, that was all before all this. So this year, I played my first game in two weeks. Not two weeks. I played my first game two weeks ago that I'd played in a year and a half. So it was like shaking the rust off or something. How did it feel?

Were you good? Did you win? win no but i also rolled terribly so that's i think yeah i think that's definitely people are watching and i was like dude i rolled i get double attacks on all my lizard units because there's if you roll the engine of the gods you get three sixes so i literally rolled three sixes which means you get double attacks with everything and everyone was like oh my god We gotta see this and I literally rolled like garbage It was like ones twos and threes and everyone was just like oh my god. That's so bad. I was like yeah Yeah, it's pretty good but it's fun because it's like

It allows you to actually play with all the stuff you paint up and build the problem is once you do that then you're like now i want to play all these other armies i just have to you know buy them build them and paint them but to be fair a lot of people just build them and don't paint them because they just want to play the game so they just don't care but it is more fun i understand i want to like just make a dope looking chaos army but only keep like the units that i really painted well the others i care about like i'm not trying to you know but i would love to i would love to do something cool you know what i mean yeah you know what i mean write it in on your second calendar listen all i'm saying is i'm uh my warhammer channel is almost at 7,000 subscribers. I started that thing at zero.

That's been like my hobby channel. And now it's getting like 2,000, 3,000 views a video. And I'm like, shit, dude. I like my bows, my spears, and my big-ass dinosaur monsters. I'm on the same page. I love all that stuff. One day my goal is to have

the perfectly painted Archeon the Everchosen. The true champion of chaos. One day. That's a pretty good goal. I'll proudly display him. That's my dream. I mean, and if you aren't doing it by some point

I'm just going to be like alright we're building this thing Oh my god We're going to do it I'll film you The only way that's going to happen is if like Warhammer is like we will pay you I'll be like alright Because I'm so stressed I'm not stressed about putting it together with the glue and the primer

And all that stuff what I'm stressed about is All the other Like the glue and the primer and all that stuff. What I'm stressed about is all the other like the painting and the making it look dope and there's so many parts to it and it just I want it to look good because you know it was sent to me and someone paid

$160 for that thing. I don't want it to be like Slowbro or whatever the guy I made was where he's like all purple and like two little specks of gold. And I'm like, I did it. Yeah. Yeah, it does take a while to like get better at painting. That's like anything.

It takes a while to improve your skills at drawing or whatever you're doing. Yeah, I know. I got to get good. I got to get good like that. I'll have to do some... Maybe I'll get you off podcast to be like, here's step one with... Remember how we went into your garage and sprayed stuff?

I need to do that. I need to do the primer stuff first. I need to learn that first before I do anything else. Well, you prime when you're done building it. You got to build it first. Oh, boy. I I gotta build then prime. You can also prime before. Some people are like, uh, I'm gonna prime it before I... They prime and paint pieces of it before they actually build it because they want to be able to paint it all without having

to like get in a little nooks and crannies and stuff. Understood. I mean that makes sense, especially for the bigger pieces. Yeah. Some people do that. I don't, because I'm lazy, and I'm not going to win any awards or anything, so I'm like, yeah, whatever. But if I was, I probably would do that. Man, I want to do that. There's also

different styles of priming. A lot of people do zenithal priming. That's where you prime it black, and then you prime with a white or a wraith bone or something over the top, and you get a lighting effect. It helps you paint it. Now you got me wanting to try. I don't know if it's because I'm over here just like,

hmm, maybe I want to get really high on paint fumes. But something about this has me interested. I'm not sure what, but something about it I'm like, yeah. Something about this seems like fun. I just think it's a very fun, creative thing to do. People draw, people paint. You're just painting up little war guys. Seems like a relaxing hobby.

Yeah, it is. You can put on something to watch. You can just paint away. You don't have to even paint a lot. Some days I'm like, I'm going to paint 10 minutes. That's all I do. I paint for 10 minutes and then you don't have to even paint a lot some days i'm like i'm gonna paint 10 minutes and that's all i do i paint for 10 minutes then i'm good and then if you do that every day i'll be like dude i painted like a full hour this week and i actually made progress because i just did 10 minutes a day well i guess that just means i've got more to do add it to my other calendar calendar. Speaking of every day, calm is something you should be using every day.

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for 40% off unlimited access to Calm's entire library. That's Calm dot Com slash Cox. Also today we're brought to you by Honey. Honey is literally the simplest product in the world. It's so simple to use. Let me break it down for you real quick because we've been talking about this one for a while as well. Do you shop online? Yes. Do you see those little promo fields when you check out? Yes, we all do. Honey's job is to find you something to put in

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I'll go to other sites that I know Honey is on and works with. And then I'll like compare. I'll compare and contrast and be like, oh man, I'm about to get the deal with this Honey thing. Boop. Works every time. I'm telling you, it is one of the best things you can have on your computer. It's a fantastic app. It only takes a few seconds to work.

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It's literally free, installs in a few seconds. By getting it, you're doing yourself a solid and you're supporting this podcast. Right now, get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash cox. That's joinhoney.com slash cox. All right, Crendor, let's go talk to some of the stuff that's gotten Crendor out there. Oh, man. Traffic today is crazy. You've got so many people getting ready to go places, going on vacation.

They got RVs. People are RVing Inside of other RVs. They got big RVs and the little RVs inside of them. It's crazy You got people going into the woods got people looking for Bigfoot You got people going into the ocean with their submarines. You got people going everywhere right now it is is gonna be wacky summer and I everywhere right now. It is going to be a wacky summer. And I guess you could say a wild or what did you say?

A hot summer? A hot Jesse summer. Yeah, there you go. I don't remember what I was saying it about. That's good. Alright. Now let's go to weather. Weather time.

Weather time. Let's check the old weather recommendations here uh bloop what we got from last week do top one i see is do the weather for hell helsinki finland the finn Finnish government had a tourist campaign here a few years back, and the slogan Welcome to Hell was plastered all over the airport. I like that. I think that's cute. Hell. Hey, Hell. Hey, Helsinki.

It says Helsinki, Usima, Finland. What's the Usima? And this is not Hell Norway? The more apt of the Hells? Wait, Hell Norway. Are these like rivals? Well, Helsinki is H-E-L, Welcome to Hell. But then I guess Norway has

actual Hell. Yeah. That's what I thought you were originally talking about. No. They said Helsinki Finland had a campaign called welcome to hell but sounds like they're just trying to copy hell norway the rival between finland and norway is strong as we know that's very strong um well i'm just doing finland tomorrow here all right 50 degrees fahrenheit you got your daily forecast popping up uh you got 58

rain you got 59 cloudy tuesday 64 wednesday 64 thursday 66 friday uh but today you got feeling like 47 high uh 50 low 46 humidity 60.26. Visibility going at 10 miles. Wind at 7 miles an hour. You got a 37 down to dew point. UV index, 0 of 10. And your moon phase is popping up at a waning gibbous. Now, you got the old sunrise at 4.09 a.m. Sunset at 10.28 p.m.

Oh, my God, that's a lot of daylight. Let's see. Taking a look at the 1028 p.m. Oh my god, that's a lot of daylight. Let's see. Taking a look at the 10 day. 58, 59, 64, 64, 66, 67, 68, 68, 66, 65, 63, 63, 63. So sitting in the

60s with a day of rain, but mainly just partly cloudy. So it's honestly not too bad for hell. But it's Helsinki, not hell. It's not. Yeah, but it could be abbreviated. No one is. I don't think anyone's abbreviating it.

People in Finland. Are people abbreviating Helsinki into hell? See, no one replied. No one. I didn't hear anyone. I didn't hear anything. Well, what about. Okay, well, then let's see. Hell, Norway.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And hell, Norway is hell. Trondelag, Norway. That sounds like a dragon name. It does. Agreed. Pretty similar weather.

You got a 45 right now. 79% humidity. 3.33 inches of pressure. Six mile visibility. There the sun rises at 325 a.m. 45 right now, 79% humidity, 3.33 inches of pressure, 6 mile visibility. There the sun rises at 325 a.m. and sets at 1104 p.m. What the shit? No, I'm good on that.

That means you only get four hours of nighttime. 13 mile an hour winds, 44 on the dew point. Waning gibbous on the moon phase. 10 day for hell. 68, 78 funnier it is 68 78 79 77 75 73 74 68 65 66 67 66 67 with partly cloudy and showers for half and half of those days uh but still like that's crazy. At 325 AM, the sun's going up.

And it's not going down until 1104 PM. I'm just saying. I'm just saying too. That's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. And that's the weather. Alright.

It's crazy. That's the weather. All right. It's crazy. That's crazy. All right. Sports. Sports. Welcome to the sports desk. We've got playoffs happening right now, and they are insane. Over in the basketball playoffs.

Let me pull up the old playoff tree here. We've got Utah up 2-1 on Memphis. We've got the Clippers down 2-1 to the Mavericks. They play later today. We've got Denver-Portland tied at 2. We've got Phoenix-Lakers tied at 2. We've got Philadelphia up 3-0 on the Wizards. We've got Atlanta up 3-1 on the Knicks.

You've got Miami losing to the Bucs, 4-0 on the Wizards. You got Atlanta up 3-1 on the Knicks. You got Miami losing to the Bucs 4-0. Milwaukee sweeping them. And then Brooklyn up 2-1 on Boston. But they also play later today. Over in the NHL playoffs. We got Colorado taking on Vegas. That'll be a good one. You got Boston taking on the Islanders who beat the Penguins.

You got the Hurricane taking on the Lightning. Battle of the Weather down there. Battle of the Weather. Is that really what they're calling it, or is that just you? That's just me. I'm typing in Battle of the Weather. I mean, it is the Battle of the? That's just me. I'm typing in Battle of the Weather. I mean, it is the Battle of the Weather, to be honest.

No, nothing is even titled Battle of the Weather, I guess because that's a terrible name. That's a great thing. Battle of the Weather. Who do you want, Hurricane or Lightning? Battle of the Weather. I'm going Hurricane. Yeah, Hurricane wins because Lightning is part of Hurricane. Lightning is just a small part of a Hurricane. Well, that wins because Lightning is part of Hurricane. Lightning is just a small part of a Hurricane.

Well, that's an easy prediction there then. I'd bet money on that one. But I wouldn't because I don't recommend any. Our lawyers tell us to not take our advice when it comes to betting. And then the Maple Leafs and the Canadians in the good old-fashioned Canadia battle tied at three, going to game seven. That's a good one. And then Winnipeg swept the Oilers. So it'll be Winnipeg against Toronto or Montreal.

Over in baseball, it's happening. Baseball. We got Tampa Bay in first, Boston a game behind. White Sox in first, Oakland in first, the M Bay in first, Boston a game behind, White Sox in first, Oakland in first, the Mets in first, St. Louis in first with the Cubs a game behind, and San Diego in first with San Francisco a game behind and the Dodgers two games behind. And that is sports.

Okay. What is our big – no, never mind. What is our dumb fact that leads to a big news story of the day? Hey, you're getting better. Here we go. The big news or big news fact fact. Now I'm like falling apart. Goosebumps are meant to ward off predators.

Wait, what? Yes. What does that mean? How would a goose bump ward off predators? How? I don't know. Why do we get goose bumps? In this physiological reaction, small muscles attached to individual body hairs contract,

which leads the hair to stand on end. We inherited this ability from our ancestors in part as a way for our then coat of body hair to capture air beneath it and in that way retain heat but as george a bubonic a physio physiologist and professor of zoology the university of guelph in ontario canada explained to scientific american it also caused our ancestors to appear bigger than they were helping the ward off predators when they were frightened or on the defense with modern humans having less body hair goosebumps no longer

cause us to look that much more intimidating so kind of like a cat when it's hair stands up it's like cat you know what I mean yeah like puffs out yeah yeah yeah alright I mean like I don't know if I was a tiger I don't know that I'd? Yeah, like puffs out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I mean, like, I don't know what, if I was a tiger, I don't know that I'd be like, oh, no, that thing got 2% bigger. I better worry.

Well, I mean, it must have worked. I mean, I feel like the spears did a better job. Well, that's probably why it went by the wayside. If it worked, if it worked, it was a thing, then we would still have it today, right? Because natural selection. I feel like everything else did the job. I wonder if some super hairy people can still have that effect. I'm looking at my big hairy arms right now, and I got nothing.

I got nothing. Yeah. Well, that's your fact. All right. And what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Someone sent us this one. news story of the day big news story of the day someone sent us this one missing man discovered dead inside paper mache stegosaurus statue whoa wait what yeah this one's crazy that is a ridiculous

crime okay a missing 39 year old man had been found dead inside a paper mache stegosaurus in Spain after a father and son noticed an odd smell emanating from the statue. The father and son who found the body were walking past the statue in Santa Coloma de Gramenet, Barcelona. When they noticed the smell, the man looked closer and saw a corpse through the crack. Firefighters were called where they cut open the leg to retrieve the body from inside. How'd it get in there? Wait, is that the article? The article just ends? No, it keeps going.

Oh, I was about to say, how'd it get in there? You're right. Police confirmed that the body belonged to an unnamed man who had been reported to the authorities missing a few hours previous. A few hours? Santa Coloma police confirmed a local newspaper, El Periodico, that the body was found

face down inside the dinosaur's leg. El Periodico? El Periodico is the name of that, huh? El Periodico. His family reported him missing shortly before he was found, though they hadn't heard from him in two days, believed he was found, though they hadn't heard from him in two days,

believed he was sleeping rough. It's possible that the man assessed the inside of the dinosaur through a panel on its underbelly, which the paper says is known to be used by homeless people in the past. Local police also pos-it? Pos-it? He could have been trying to reach... Posited? Pos-it? Pos-it? I don't know. He could have been trying to reach... Posited? Posit? Posit? I don't know.

He could have been trying to reach a phone that had been dropped. The death is going to autopsy, but it is not being treated as suspicious. We found the body of a man inside the leg of a dinosaur statue. It is an accidental death. There was no violence. The spokesperson for the local police told The Guardian. The person got inside the statue's leg and got trapped. It looks as though he was trying to retrieve a mobile phone which he dropped it looks like he entered the statues head first or entered it head first and couldn't get out it's unknown how

long the man was in there before he was discovered the props initially placed in the town to advertise a local cinema and has now been removed. What the shit? That is... So, this probably says a lot about me and what I think you can get away with in a murder. Because my thought was, oh, this is probably bones inside this thing. And, like, someone built a sculpture

and then put the bones in there to hide their crime, right? That's what I thought. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. But, apparently, it's just like, everyone be sleeping inside this dinosaur. And this guy got stuck. My question now is if he was fully functional and stuck, why wasn't he like, help, I'm in this dinosaur. That's what I thought.

Yeah, why is he like banging on it? Like, ah. There's like people walking by. Yeah. If there's people walking by, they can smell it if they're that close. Why wouldn't they just be like, I want be like I wouldn't stop screaming. I would like help I'm in a dinosaur. I would have been going for hours Yeah, and then like if it was only a few days. He probably I feel like he'd still be

Like all right unless he was getting crushed or something like I don't know yeah I don't know like did he end up they said he was trapped maybe like it cut off the flow. I know I have no clue I have no clue how this happened yeah, this is this is a medical mystery to me. This is a crazy story. I got a like Okay, there's still I Know I don't know because it's like okay it's like Okay here's the Here's the dinosaur Alright It seems Wow

That it Here's the thing He was in one Leg Yeah he's in one leg So he So basically I can see how

Crawling into the leg Uh uh Like head first And trying to reach your phone could get you trapped Like I can see that But It's small enough That if you like

Shook and wiggled Like Couldn't you have alerted people There's a what is that is that a is that a sportsman there's a spoozman as a pooch there's like some stores nearby there's literally a coke can kids are probably sitting there yeah i'm like help me please i fell at the dinosaur that's what i'm saying This guy Yeah that sucks man Although

I'm not telling a story how to be better But what if it was like Human bones were found inside this dinosaur They've been there since it was built Right I love a creepy artist story That's much better The dinosaur killer

Yeah right This is like right Like this is This is like sad Like this guy got screwed It would have been a more Cox and Crandor story If it was like the bones were in there For 50 years Right like why would someone hide the bones

In a dinosaur used to advertise a cinema All those are great Right oh my god At night they would hear the howls of a dinosaur oh my god that would have been great also wait how did he how did he drop his phone in there like did he try to go in and take a picture of it from the inside and then drop it i think he was probably in there chilling my my thoughts are he was in there chilling laying down inside the dinosaur's tum tum and then, and then he was holding his phone above his head, and then he dropped it and it fell behind him down one of the legs.

Oh, yeah, that's possible. Which is weird, because whoever made this thing made the legs hollow? Yeah, I don't... So the legs are hollow, which is strange, because then couldn't you just knock this thing over? That's what I thought So many questions Once again the news is failing to tell us all the stories Who was the person on the scene

Who was like you know what I got all the information I need Time to move on Where's the real news Drives me crazy Every time we find a good story we're like And here is half of it what do you mean answer this answer the questions and we should be reporters we should be reporters we got the

real questions uh well that's that's that story all right well that's it for us thanks so much for listening or watching or enjoying this podcast crendoror, hit them with the socials. We got socials. Go to youtube.com slash cox and Crendor podcast, all one word. That's where we post these on YouTube. We also got youtube.com slash cox and Crendor. That's where all the animations are. We also got Spotify, iTunes, SoundCloud.

We're all over podcast places. Also, check out our own stuff. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. YouTube.com slash Crend stuff. YouTube.com slash Jesse Cox. YouTube.com slash Crandor. YouTube.com slash Warhammer Crandor. If you want some Warhammer. Patreon.com slash Jesse Cox. Patreon.com slash Crandor.

Twitter.com Jesse Cox. Twitter.com Crandor. Instagram Notorious Cox. Instagram Crandor was taken. And probably just type in Crandor Jesse Cox. Other places you'll find our stuff. Yup. That's it. Okay. That's other places you'll find our stuff. Okay. That's it. We'll see you all next week and as always

to be continued.