Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 351 - Cox n' Crendor Live!! AGAIN!!!

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

The boys are back and this time people paid to see them, in person! Crazy, we know. What awaits those who didn't attend - well you'll have to hear for yourself! Go to http://joinhoney.com/cox to get Honey for free! Go to http://hellotushy.com/cox to get 10% off your order plus free shipping.

Today's episode is brought to you by Hello Tushy. Hello Tushy is gonna get your tushy saying, oh, hello Also today we're brought to you by Honey. Honey's gonna save you money online. Let's jump into this live show podcast Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning In the morning Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live In 4-hour recording studio Hello, oh my goodness. Testing, testing, testing. It works. Testing.

What? Hi everyone, welcome, hold on, we gotta get out here because some people decide to sit right there and right there. Oh yeah. And so I wanna let you know, thanks for making this show more difficult. I forgot, we can never see anybody up there.

You're all shadow figures. You could be flipping us off right now, we'd be like, you're awesome! You guys are great! Keep it up! But also, just in case. You never know. Hi, how are you, dude?

I'm doing all right. It's almost like I've seen you for the first time today, we're pretending. Yeah, wow. Great. I haven't seen you in a while. What have you been doing? Nothing. Great.

So cool. Yeah. Wow. Well, we're back at our home away from home. That's true. Lincoln Hall. Here in the beautiful, finely sunny and wonderful city of Chicago. I'm very pleased to be here.

Last time you were here in December. It was cold. It was cold, rainy. It was chilly. Yes. Dark. I cold, rainy. It was chilly. Yes. Dark. I mean, technically. That's true.

We can't see anybody. We can't see any of you. I can see people in the front row. Hi, front row. You look amazing today. Second row, a little more shadowy. Third row. Y'all looking fabulous.

But beyond that, you are pitch black and I cannot see you. So I assume, better than the rest. And then if you're up above, once more, just in case. Just in case, you never know. Are you playing that? By the way, you playing that game? I was walking by up there and I saw some people playing video games. Was that a confirmation yes?

It will be, alright. Well, thanks for showing up, thanks for coming. It's that time of the show where I ask the simple question, how many of you... Right. Is this your first time being to a live show? Yes. Okay, I love it, I love it.

How many of you were brought here by someone else? Woo! Alright, now... Hey, me too. All right, now. Hey, me too. And how many of you have no idea what this show is? I am so sorry.

You've been brought by people I think who hate you. And this is probably a punishment. And that's not good. But hopefully we can win you over by the time we're done. And if we can't, blame your friend. Former friend. Yeah. Well, hey, buddy.

Can I tell you something? Our dear friend. I'm going to say friend now. I think we, hold on. Where are you at? I don't know which side's which. Our beautiful Frenchman, where are you at? I don't know which sides which. Our beautiful Frenchman where are you at? Oh I see that hand. I don't see anything. Ladies and gentlemen it is tradition that for some insane reason some beautiful Frenchman always comes to our show. We don't know why. We have no answers. But he's back. And this time brought what we were told was French Malort. Whenever you want us to, I'm going to leave it to you.

You can save us tonight by not having us drink it. But all you have to say to us is, Cox and Crandor, drink that shit. Cox and Crandor, drink that shit! But together as one group. And not as a lone psychopath. Yeah. So, whenever you're ready, whenever it just happens, you can figure it out.

We're not going to tell you when. Three, two, one. Johnson and Gregor, drink that shit! Someone was off. I didn't feel it. I didn't feel it. Yeah. Three, two, one.

Johnson and Gregor, drink that shit! It's a little better. There's like over here. Are you offended that they're calling it shit? All right. Okay. All right. So welcome to the show you've tuned in for. Tuned in on your old time radio.

Oh, crap. Okay. What's this one? We also have something that I was told is the good stuff. Except this says handmade in Chicago, so I'm not sure how much I buy that. Didn't you say this was French? No, no, no. This is wrong.

It's the sorry, I bought you shit, you have to drink it. This is my song. What? How do we know this is even French? Yeah, how song. What? How do we know this is even French? Yeah, how do we know? How do we know you're even French? Do I have to show you my ID? Yes.

Come on down here. Come on. Right here. Come on. You've been here long enough that I'm starting to question everything about you. I see through you. All right, it's French. All right, it's French.

You're not supposed to be on the side. It says product of France. While we wait here, hey, buddy, do you have something you want to show people? Oh, wow. Look at this. It's a sloth plush that you could get on makeshift.com slash product slash Crendor. Hold on. Okay.

All right. I want everyone to know, when you said I'm going to bring you my French ID. No, I want everyone to know when you said I'm going to bring you my French ID... No, I said ID. I didn't say it. I didn't say it. It's where I'm from. Now, admittedly, I know enough about history

to know that, yes, the French had a lot to do with the Statue of Liberty, but I'm pretty sure they don't stick it on the IDs. Or write the words United States of America on it. But it does say your place of birth was France, but that could be like France, Wisconsin. We don't know.

That's true. We don't know. We don't know that about you. It does say permanent resident, but technically, aren't we all? So, I don't know. I don't know that I buy into this. There's a lot of numbers on the back of this, and I'm just going to, just in case, hold on to this. No, I can't hold on to it.

I'll get sued by someone. He stole his ID. All right, it checks out. All right, so. No, no, no. Come here, come here, come here, come here. I'm here. You have to suffer with us.

All right. What are we toasting to? To France? Hey, just because I don't want to doesn't mean I won't. To France. May they produce many more of you so that we have listeners for years to come. To France. I'm going to die tonight.

Oh my god. It tastes like a very sweet product cleaner. It is. It has like a booze taste and then a sweet you just need to get over your cold flavor. That's not good at all, that is truly awful i'm so glad you got are you done do you drink at all and i used to drink that very often oh that explains why you listen you have extremely terrible taste it's all coming together now what What are you reading? I'm reading how they serve this.

Isn't it in French? No. Hikers and French skiers have it on the rocks or with tonic water or hot chocolate. It also says gentle sweetness. That's not gentle. There's nothing gentle about that sweetness.

Are you tasting it again? I agree. Whoo! Was it better the second time? No! It was not better the second time. That was terrible. Thank you for coming again. Thank you for bringing us booze.

No problem. Whoo! All right. Excellent. Okay. Boy, oh, excellent. Okay, boy oh boy, do we have a show? No! Crandor just poured it back into the bottle. I'm not going to drink it.

I just drank it. I did drink it twice. You gotta pay for that. I mean, technically they did. I paid for the first two. I don't know if any of you are aware of this, but this is a very special weekend. Because this weekend

is a Cox and Crandor renaissance medieval spectacular. And we have Because this weekend is a Cox and Crandor Renaissance Medieval Spectacular. And we have already begun this madness. So out of the blue, this guy goes, You want to go to Medieval Times? Well, I was going to take him to a fancy, like, douchey wine place. Because I'm a fancy, douchey wine person. And then I was like, it's like medieval weekends.

We should probably go to medieval times. So I was like, let's go to medieval times. Almost as fancy as a fancy wine place. Almost. So I have never been to medieval times before. And I'm going to give you an idea of what it was like for me going to medieval times. So first off, I want to point out for the record. And I'm gonna give you an idea of what it was like for me going to Medieval Times. So first off, I want to point out for the record, that place is the craziest shit I've

ever seen in my life. In my life. How many of you have been to Medieval Times? Do you know what this is? Keep your hands up, hold on, keep your hands up. How many of you loved it? The funniest part is watching some people's hands go down. Nope, not for me. For those of you who hated it, why did you hate it?

It was dorky? Sir, sir, sir, sir. Are you aware of where you're at tonight? Of all the excuses, that's the one? What's Bristol? That's the Renaissance Fair. What happens at the Renaissance Fair? You get drunk and eat pickles?

That's like a Thursday night in LA. What are you talking about? You role play? Question. What? Crandor, can we go to the Renaissance Fair? Yeah. I'm in.

Mud Brothers? Oh yeah, we gotta go to the Mud Brothers. What about, like, the Mud Maidens? No. There might be a few after it's like... Shut that down real quick. No. So, we went to this thing, and we arrived, and I think we showed up as they were getting

everything going. But there was, was like a dude. I don't know who this dude was. But if I could be anyone at medieval times I want to be this dude. He had like an old white beard. He was basically Merlin. He was like Tyrion Lannister.

Yeah, he was Tyrion Lannister but he was also Merlin. And he was like My lords and ladies brace yourselves for a night of entertainment and minimum alcohol purchases. I was like, hell yeah. So we went over and we bought some booze. That was good. Crandor and his lovely wife bought average size alcohol for normal people.

Right. And I bought whatever the hell that normal people. And I bought whatever the hell that thing was. It was massive. And at one point I think I was asked if I was drunk and I want to let you know when I said no I lied. It was a lot to drink.

And yeah so we were given the black and white night. Yep. I didn't know anything about this. So I was like, all right, I'll be the black and white night. Whatever. We get in and we sit down at our section. And it's like us and seven-year-olds.

And already I knew we were winning. I knew when we sat down, I was like, no way they're going to let all these kids down. It's like, we're winning this. And I knew the moment the show was going to be amazing is when, as we sat down, this family comes and sits down in front of us. And I swear to God, what was he dressed like? He was dressed like Mario.

Had the overalls, a red shirt, the whole thing. And Mario ordered an entire bottle of wine for himself. Hell yeah, he did. Mama mia. And so already I was like, this is going to be the best show. And then next to Mario, the entire night were like three bro dudes screaming loudly. Like every time the black and white night would come out, they'd be like, yeah!

I've never seen it. I was like, these guys are really into this. And so my assumption was it's going to be like families and, I don't know, like work things. It's like 70% that. Yeah, but there were a lot of birthdays. At one point, some guy comes out. He's like, lords ladies, tonight, we be knight thine loyal servants of the

crown. Jenny turning 32, and I was like, whoa! I was like, where the hell is Jenny at? And they're like, Cynthia, 21, and I was like, this is crazy. Most

of the people they shouted out, there were a few kids, but most of them were like, this is crazy. Most of the people they shouted out, there were a few kids, but most of them were like, 44 years old. I was like, whoa, this is flipping everything I thought about this upside down. And then they told us that our side was against the other side and that the black and white knight's arch nemesis

was red and yellow yeah which I don't think they did that before it's a new thing whatever they did from that point I was like fuck that red yellow guy in the entire night every time you got a little loud like you you were doing it after people got done cheering and then it got quiet. Then you're like, boo! I was trying to get everyone to boo. I was like, boo this guy!

Boo! And it was, I don't know, it was pretty cool. I've never experienced that. And then they got us all hyped for it and then we met our man wench. He literally was like, hey, I'm your man wench. He told us he'd been working there for two months. I've only been here two months, I'm your man wench.

And you could tell he was really trying his hardest. It was very cute. But all night, I was like, when do we rise up against the queen, my brother? The festivities start, and it was pretty packed. It was crazy. I was not expecting to see it like that, especially on a Thursday.

I now want to know what a Monday looks like. I want to go to a Monday event where I'm just the only guy there. I'm like, yeah, kill him! And so we sit down. We get our drinks, which was a little too much probably for some people. I don kill him. And so we sit down. We get our drinks, which, you know, was a little too much probably for some people. I don't know. And then the queen and her, like, dude, I don't know who he was, some guy.

Oh, the Tyrion Lannister guy? No, the dude who was, like, her guy that they kept making fun of all night. Here's an example of an interaction that took place. At one point, they were like, my lady, the fun of all night. Here's an example of an interaction that took place. At one point, they were like, My lady, the king of Valencia, your cousin, has sent you a gift. And then this dude goes, Is it oranges?

No one said a fucking thing. Everyone was quiet. The entire room was quiet. Even the actors were like, Bro, what? And then they all made fun of him, and then he shut up for half the night. That guy. I don't know who he was, but that guy. I think I blocked him out.

And then the queen, the queen who was just like, and this is all. I am queen. Rule over you. I don't know what the shit that was. And so the minute I saw her, I was like, we're overthrowing this whole show.

I think Manwench also wanted to overthrow the queen. The minute we brought it up to Manwench, she was like, no one's ever said that before, but like... I mean, he had to go around and serve us tomato soup and call it dragon's blood. I was like, my man, you deserve better. You could be the king. Every time he came by, I was like,

gather the wenches. While they're distracted with this show, we shall rise up against them, my brother. And he was just like, you guys are funny. I was dead serious. I was like, what are they going to do to stop us? There's more of us than them. I could have won. I could have won that.

I could have been the king. I would have used all those wenches. Now you are no use to me, wench. Hawk, attack them. There was a hawk there. I feel like the hawk could have attacked them. There's a falcon. Falcon.

You know one of the knights? Which one? Fuck that blue knight. He also died like a little bitch so the way so the way it went is we sat there and at a certain point they start bringing you the food and i realized 90 of the show is background noise yeah i've never thought about i thought it was like dinner and a show yeah it, it's like eating with the TV on. It really is.

At some point, you're sitting there, and then the queen's like, oh, no! Nobody's making food! And then a bunch of dudes come out and bring you the food, and it's fun, because, like, I like eating with my hands. That's cute. That's fun.

You know, I sat there like ripping that chicken apart. Like that thing had done me wrong. I was like, yeah. And then in the background, there's like a falcon flying around and like horses prancing and like a dude trying to like dance or some shit. I don't know what was going on. And I realized you're totally right. It is completely and totally just background noise. Yeah.

And the queen and her court were like making jokes. And they'd be like, isn't that right, my loyal subjects? No one said anything. She's like, exactly. It was incredible. I've never seen anything like that. And finally, after like an hour and a half and drinking far too much, the tournament begins.

Let me describe these knights to you. The first two knights look exactly the same. Like brothers. They look like absolute brothers. Hilarious. Our knight comes out, looks like a member of Metallica. Oh, yeah. Rolls out, we were like, alright!

Guy cross from him is the first guy to come out wearing a hat. We were like, nah, that dude. That's why he's our nemesis, because he's got this ridiculous hat on. We're like, nah. And then, all of a sudden, they're like, and now, the red knight. Lions start roaring, and like like the queen is shook And the red knight rolls out And I'm like we got screwed

This red knight looks amazing He looked like a badass Also a little bit like Mathis Little bit yeah And then The last guy green comes out I knew it was trouble Cause green knight had a little bit of creme d'or in him

I'm not gonna lie Green knight kinda looked like you, dude. A little bit. His hair was a different color, but rest, pretty much the same. That's probably what I would have done if I didn't do YouTube. I would have just been working in medieval times. I think it would have been amazing.

They come out and then they proceed to do a bunch of tournament things, which was pretty neat. I'm not going to lie. They like joust things and whatever, but also it was done with extreme safety. Yeah, the one jousting was like, they threw it, the target was like a foot away. Would you demonstrate that for people?

All right, here's the target. I want you to demonstrate you hitting the target as the jouster. I used a sloth. Perfect use. Yeah. It was, I was like, oh, they're gonna throw those spears. That's amazing. They'd get up right next to it and go. So I don't know if it was that amazing, but it was neat, I guess. And then they did a bunch of tournament things. And then they spent about 45 minutes giving out flowers to kids. The queen handed flowers. I was like, oh, this is so cute.

They're like tossing flowers to little kids. Oh, that's cute. And they did it three more times. I was like, wait a minute. And they kept going back to get flowers. I was like, when does this end? It doesn't end. They just keep giving,

they throw flowers to kids. I was like, all right, well, that's fine. And then finally, well into, do you want coffee? And we're like, yeah. And then finally, well into, do you want coffee? And we're like, yeah, we want coffee. Well into the do you want coffee portion of the event, finally the battle began. I was ready for it.

I was like, go black and white. Let's do this. Our boy went out there and stomped him. It was incredible. I was like, this guy is great. However, when I say incredible, I mean entertaining, not actually fighting. Because I watched a man get hit by a spear, jump off his horse, roll 50 feet.

I was like, I mean, that's incredible. But also, what happened here? Is he hurt? Did he die? Yeah, nobody ever died. They just got really badly hurt. Well, here's the thing. Eventually, shit got real.

Because the Green Knight was like, down with the Queen! This filthy woman, I shall avenge the death of my brother! Or whatever he said. I was like, whoo! I was like, I might be on Team Green Knight now! And Green Knight started killing people! And I was like, I might be on team Green Knight now. And Green Knight started killing people. And I was like, he killed Red Knight, which I was blown away.

I thought Red Knight was going to get him. Green Knight killed him. He started killing. I was like, you're killing people. And what they did is they cut the lights and the body would just be gone. And you're like, what happened to that body? And finally, it came, the craziest thing in the world,

they were like, who is left alive to avenge your fallen brothers? And our boy, like the 96 Bulls, comes rolling out, black and white knight, just like, I'm here, what? We were like yeah mind you i don't know what the experience is if your night loses but i felt like the rest of the room was completely quiet yeah they were like i don't even care i just want my frozen eclair and

i want to go home and so we cheered this man on the entire time and I think you could agree with me on this toast I wanted green to win I know I wanted green to win green should have triumphed because I wanted to bring that whole place down

I was like she brought all of her nobles to one place that's how you win she's a fool that queen I was like, she brought all of her nobles to one place? That's how you win. She's a fool, that queen. Oh, I was ready. Nope, our guy won. He killed him.

It was brutal. The green knight was like rolling and twirling, and our guy just like a terminator. Like just beat the crap out of him. I was like, whoa. It was all right. We won, and then he came over with like a sash and gave it to like a three-year-old. And it was cute. And then they were all

like, the knight and his lady. And I was like, weird, but probably accurate for the time. Creepy, but like, alright. Then the old badass rides out the end and he's like, medieval times he holds up his sword

and everything goes black and I swear to god if they would have shot a lightning bolt from the sky that would have been the coolest thing I've ever seen my entire life

I like echoes too it's like time time time oh yeah he like had echo effects and everything goes black and when the lights come back on

he's gone he and his horse vanished y'all did he ride that horse out of there I don't know what happened. Did he ride it out? I didn't hear it.

I like to think he really was a wizard. I think he was. He reminded me of that guy from Total War when you start playing. He's just like, ah, my lord, the Skaven are back from the right flank. He has his raven. Yeah, the raven guy. Yeah. If you play as Chaos, he becomes a monster.

Oh, that's cool. He becomes like one of the Zinch guys. Oh. He's like, I tricked you, bitch. It's true. He turns on you. So there you go. Now you know.

That sounds right. Yeah. He's like, because the crow pecks his eyeballs out. Oh, I see. Yeah, he's like, master, no. You think that happened to the Medieval Times guy? The Falcon, like, comes back?

I would love that. That show, I'm just saying, if they let me have a week with that cast, I could make that show amazing. They'd have very high turnover rate,

but the weapons would be real. The animals would attack the owners. And they would have, like, two or three, they had a bunch of squires that were there to clean up poop. We'd have a blood squire. You could do like a VIP package. You get to like overthrow the queen. Oh my God. Can you imagine if it was like the birthday package and like a five-year-old's like, I am the king now. That'd be amazing. I would be like, that's the guy I can follow. I can follow that king. It was a fun time. I loved it.

I am curious now how that stacks up to... What is it? What do I have to do? Bucks of wenches while eating pickles and getting drunk. It sounds perfect. Great. Yeah, that was alright.

Moving on. This man claims he can play three Skaven games in two hours. You can't deploy your army in that time, sir. I will find you at the Chicagoland Dice Dojo to prove such. He's challenging you. When did I say I could play three Skaven games in two hours? I might have said that about him I might have hyped him up

I might have hyped him up to you I can play one Warhammer game in two hours That sounds lovely It is sometimes I think you got challenged though dude What's your record? Who do you play? Night on and Stormcast

And nothing honestly above 1000 points So be fun I usually play 2000 points I have 2000 points in Stormcast I got them during the pandemic That sounds like an excuse sir Either you're ready to play against the master, or you're not.

I have crates of plastic. Literal crates. Now, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hit him with how much you got. You want me to go through, like... Go through everything. I want people to recognize how insane you've become. I want people to understand this.

I have every Lizardmen unit, and understand this. I have every lizard men unit and then some. I have four Bastilodons, four Stegodons. When you say and then some, how much does that mean? I would put it in points, but you're not going to get that.

I would not. I would not understand what that means. Give me numbers, like normal person numbers. What are rational numbers? What's what I'm doing? So I got four Bastilodons, four Stegodons,

two Carnosaurs, a Slan, Lord Croak, a hundred Skinks. A hundred Skinks. You need like a hundred. You can work with like 60. Okay, great. Do you paint all those? Not all of them, but the ones I'm going to play the game with. This is just my first army. Oh, well. Well. I wish to continue.

I have a fully painted Imperial Guard list at 2,000 points with 100 infantrymen. Yeah, but that's 40k. That's like sweaty. So I got a full 40k orc army, full 40k necron army, a full knight haunt army. When I say full, I mean like 2,000 points and over. What does that mean number-wise?

No one knows what 2,000 points is. It's full army. How many? Give us numbers. Oh, God. In like normal human being numbers. Dollar value. Dollar value.

That's good. Dollar value. dollar value uh let me calculate it you've already lost when he breaks out the calculator for like uh two thousand points for like four or five hundred dollars and how many of those armies do you have? Eight, nine. People say that, but then they spend a bunch of shit on dumb, like, they came to this show for like however much. I'd much rather buy Warhammer than come to this. That's because I'm getting paid.

Yeah, you'd have to pay to be here. I need to buy more Warhammer. Wait, so, all right. Just to give you an idea. Just give you an idea of what you've challenged here. Last night, he's like, stop by the office. I want to show you my cool Warhammer army. He has got a whole office, which I'm sure at one point was filled with gaming stuff.

Yeah. Not anymore. It is piles and boxes and shelves filled with plastic. Where are you going to store 100 Clan Rats? You got to have boxes. I think you've already... You may think you're ready for this. This man is so prepared to take on anyone. Everybody, this is a 40k player.

That's all I'm saying. So here's my list, alright? You got Thankwool, because he's broken right now. You got a Warpseer, you got a Bombardier, you got a Priest. Alright? And you got 60 Clan Rats. They just run into shit and die. You got a Doomwheel, because I just like it. It's fun.

And you got a Quickssilver sword, because I'm trying not to run the boat, because the boat's broken if you're unthankful. Then you take a warp grinder, and then storm fiends and a warp fire thrower. But you put the clan rats with the warp grinder, you put the warp fire thrower in there, so they pop up, and then they shoot out the warp fire and the stuff.

And that's my army. The three people in the audience who knew what you said are like, yeah! And they're leaving. Wait, he did leave. I gotta ask you about the moon phase later. Oh yeah, the moon phase. We're not to the weather yet.

Moon phase? This is like when I talk about sports too. Holy shit. So now I just have two things I can do. Moon phase. For when we do the weather. moon phase this is like when I talk about sports too holy shit so now I just have two things moon phase for when we do the weather oh for this show yeah

this isn't a war oh I thought you meant the moon phase for like the game no I was like that sounds really stupid why would anyone cover that bunch of big idiots is what that shit is. Yeah, no.

That's our show. Well, that's me. We don't cover it. It's all WAPI. WAPI does that. Yeah. I mean, yeah. All right.

So yeah. Now I know too much about Warhammer and too much about sports. Hey, I just want to let you know. Thank you. No one else would have married him. Really? Really? You're a hero. You know that, right? Thank you. No one else would have married him. Really, really. You're a hero, you know that, right? You know, the only thing keeping him from living

in like a one room shack. Working in medieval times. You're really the star of this whole show. Without you, I'd be like, I think Crendor's dead again. I don't know. Alright. Three, two, one.

Cran-Crandor, drink that shit! Oh, it goes again. Oh yeah, we gotta drink the good stuff. It'd be a fine mixer with like 18 other things in there so you don't have to taste it. The thing is, is it's cranberry flavor. So it's designed to be, I imagine, a slap to the face. I like cranberries though.

Mix it with the front stuff instead of the mixer. Yo, you got COVID? Oh, that looks terrible. Yo, you got COVID? I don't know. I might. I haven't been tested. God damn it. All right.

I guess we'll find out in a week. It is awful, but still better somehow. Oh, my tongue is on fire. Oh, that's not good. That's not a good sign at all. Oh, no. I'm going to need someone to wheelbarrow me out of here. Wheelbarrow, not barrel. People yelled at me about it. Barrow. Barrel is

a barrel. A barrow is a barrow. It probably is a wheelbarrow, though. No, it's a wheelbarrow. I know that. I'm saying there probably is one. There's no such thing as a wheel. A barrow is a barrow. It probably is a wheelbarrow, though. No, it's a wheelbarrow! I know that. I'm saying there probably is one. There's no such thing as a wheelbarrow. Hold on. Never mind. He's going to find the one guy who's like, I made this my YouTube video

where I took a barrel and put wheels on it and now I use it to get around. I know that's what he's going to find. I know that's what you're going to find. Wheel barrel, yeah. Look at that. Don't say look at it, show me this thing. You got the, uh, just for kids, wheel barrel.

But again, that is a wheel barrel. It says a barrel I know its name, but I know what it is That's just some guy who's like Cause kids say Skeddy So we're gonna call it wheelbarrow Cause kids is dumb

There's a restaurant Called the wheelbarrow? Is it like the crackle barrel? The crackle barrel There's a restaurant. Called the Wheel Barrel? Yeah. Is it like the Crackle Barrel? The Crackle Barrel. You got to stop drinking that stuff. What did I say? The Crackle Barrel? Crackle Barrel.

How do you know it doesn't exist? I'm not looking that up. One time I was driving from Kentucky to Ohio and I instead of a Waffle house it said steak waffle Fit it fit the lettering. I guess there's just like an off-brand And I was like, oh man steak waffle that place looks great It was just a waffle house, but they wrote steak waffle and it fits They just took the it took they moved the letters

and then put steak. And I think that works. The one time I went to a waffle house they were out of waffles. So I didn't get waffles. What did you order? Like eggs.

And they were I'm sorry who went... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Grendor goes, So I got eggs. And then one random voice goes, Yeah.

What the shit? Hold on, who was that? Why did you go, yeah? You like eggs? How many eggs do you eat a day? At least two? He likes eggs. Do you remember when there used to be an ad on TV?

And this is definitely going to date me, but I don't know if it's going to date you. We'll find out. There was a song. It went, I like eggs. From my head down to my legs. Do you know that? Then do you really like eggs?

If you don't like them from your head to your legs, then what? I mean, there was some point during the late 80s, maybe it was like mid-90s, where I think people forgot that there were other things besides soda. And so, like, TV, all the ads were like, water. It's not just for rain. You were like, what? Because at that point, everyone was eating like uh lunchables and shit oh yeah everyone forgot what food was it's crazy it was and then they were like

look people like potato chips there's nothing we can do about it so we're just gonna make potato chips out of a like weird substance that when you eat the potato chips, you instantly shit. Does anyone remember that? Do you remember that? Does anyone? Raise your hands if you lived through that moment in life. Thank God for all of you old farts like me. What are you talking about?

Dude! Olestra or Orlean or whatever it's called. During a period of the 90s, like, I don't know, mid-90s. Orlean? Companies decided that people were just going to eat shit no matter what, so we should make it as healthy as possible. But they didn't think about side effects at all,

and so they made potato chips out of something called Orlean. I think they like, it was like the oil or whatever they used. And what it did is it was like the oil or whatever they used. And what it did is it was supposed to be like 0.0, it was like no fat at all, zero calories, it's like you can eat as many potato chips as you want. But what ended up happening is people would eat all those potato chips and then instantly shit themselves. This is not even a joke, it happened because what would happen is the Olen or Olestra or whatever it was

would coagulate all the oils that you had eaten and then shoot it out your ass. It's true. And so there were all these news stories about people being like, there I was

at the movies and I felt a little toot. And then my underwear was soiled. And they would show videos on Good Morning America. They'd show videos of concerned mothers. She'd be like, I bought all these chips and now my son shits himself at school. It was an epidemic. It was a problem. I can't believe you don't know this.

I'm glad I didn't grow up when you grew up. Back me up on this. It happened. Thank you. It was crazy. I don't know. What's going on with you? Talk to me about your life.

You have the moment right now. I want to know what is going on with you. Like currently or? I don't even care. Just tell me, like tell us about you. I play Warhammer. I go to the gym. Yeah, I didn't go to the gym today though.

Flex, flex floors. Excited to get here. Flex, flex. Flex. Flex Flores. Flex. Flex. Hold on. Flex. Flex. Flex. Flex. Whoa! Whoa! I said I used to be a stick, and now I'm just a muscular stick.

Speaking of sticks, do you have a TikTok? Oh, yeah, TikTok. I got a TikTok. You got a TikTok? I got a TikTok. Do you got a TikTok? I got a TikTok. I got a TikTok. Do you got a TikTok? I got a TikTok. I got a TikTok. Do you got a TikTok? All right, cool.

Yeah. All right, well, then tell me if we're doing whatever on this show. Yeah. Do whatever. Anything about your life. I'm going to give you the next five minutes to say whatever you want. All right? I'm going to pull up my phone.

Is this because you ran out of ideas? Nope. This is because every time we get up on stage, someone always says Jesse talks too much. And so, I'm giving you the time. I'm giving you the time right now. The timer begins. Start.

Wait, stop, watch. Start. You have five minutes. Five minutes. Start. Wait, stopwatch. Start. You have five minutes. Five minutes. Hey. What's the deal? What's Jesse talking all the time? I mean, really.

This guy won't stop talking. Thank you. That was 20 seconds. Alright, we got and then this is like 5-10 more seconds. Yeah. 4 and a half. Okay.

4 and a half minutes left. Dragon Flight. Do not do this. This is a live show. No one here is like, I want to know your opinions on Warcraft. I just finished new pointless top 10 for the third Dragonflight zone.

And now we're doing the fourth one. So, yeah. They're pretty fun. I've actually been making real videos again. So, that's been neat. You're at one minute. Oh, yeah. I got my WoW NPC now.

Neat. What does your WoW NPC do? He just sits in a river. Or no, a lake. Sits in the middle of a lake. What's his name? He's Kren the Pointless. I haven't even found it yet.

Some guy who runs a website was like, I found you. I was like, oh, cool. So that happened. Three and a half minutes. All right, we got three and a half minutes. Q&A. All right. You.

Yeah, you got a question. No, you can't Q&A. You said I get five minutes to do whatever I want. No, you can do whatever&A. You said I get five minutes to do whatever I want. No, you can do whatever you want. You are not allowed to help him at all. Dude, Packers are... Oh, I forgot. I got to check the...

Actually, I'll do that in sports. We'll check the Packers score preseason. All right, yeah. Cat's doing good. Cat smelled Jesse, didn't attack him. So that was good. I played stray, so... Oh, I can't talk.

Shh. Yeah. Disco ball, part of the show. Disco... Oh, my God. Question, can it be? I guess it is not.

Can we turn that disco ball on for no reason? Just in case it... I mean, if it falls, it's only going to hit you, so that's fine. Next question, next question. You can't do this, no. I do remember that. That was probably one of my top ten moments in online entertainment.

Thanks. All right, you. What was the latest episode of Wild Life? Probably one of my top ten moments in online entertainment. Thanks. All right, you. 142. No problem. I don't know what happened during it. Don't do this. Stop this.

Don't do this, Stems. Put your hands down. Who won Minute Gaming News? Who? One Minute Gaming News? One Minute Gaming News. Oh, alright. Welcome to One Minute Gaming News. Today, the disco ball's coming down. Oh wait, it's spinning. Can we light the disco ball so it shines on the crowd?

If you're not here live, here's the thing. If this recording exists, it may not. light the disco ball so it shines on the crowd? If you're not here live, here's the thing. If this recording exists, it may not. I don't know. Look, it's not our fault. But if it exists, I want you to know that you're missing out. There's a disco ball coming down.

There are people making out in the crowd right now. This is basically like an orgy here. And if it's not right now, it should be. We should do a segment for your, what do you call it, your gaming news where I report live. But me reporting live is just green screen. And I'm like one of those news reporters that's like, today

I am standing at the headquarters of gaming entertainment and you will not believe what is happening. I will only allow this if you do whatever it is you do and we're allowed to put whatever we want in the background. Yeah, I'll do that.

Okay. Alright, we'll try it next Friday. All right, good. Perfect. Is that five minutes? What do we got? Nope, it's still not. We are crazy.

No, we got like 25 seconds. We got like one question. You're not in PICU. All right, you. Yeah. Oh, they got a while. That's like a minimum like two years. They got a while. That's like a minimum like two years.

Maybe if it's like end of the season and nobody cares anymore. And five minutes. Nope. Shut the fuck up. Sorry. No questions from you. No, I'm so sorry. You're done. Cut him off.

Good job. This guy sucks. Boo. You're like the red and yellow knight. I see how it is. I gave him five minutes alone with you and you already turned against me. You sellouts.

Every last one of you. Even you, Warhammer guy. I'm sorry. He did. I can confirm. Thank you. Thank you, one lone voice in the night I knew you were going to be trouble I can see it By the way I want to let you know

That we shouted you out and you had got up and left I want you to be aware of this. He heard it. What do you think? These people are assholes. I mean, they watch our show, so. Oh, boy. Wait. So, hold on. You remember I learned it from watching you. Does anyone, so hold on.

You remember I learned it from watching you. Does anyone... Hold on. Whoa. Are we about to have a moment here? Does anyone remember I learned it from watching you? I need to see hands. Are you fucking kidding me?

God damn, you're all children. Okay. Unless you're old enough to be sexually attracted to me. Anyway. Thanks, Mom. That was a weird shout out of nowhere. All right. During the 90s.

By the way, the 90s were the best. Oh, yeah. Not for everyone. Well, I was like a kid in the 90s. I was like a young teen. I think I was like 13. I think it was better to be a kid in the 90s were the best. Oh, yeah. Not for everyone, but for me. Well, I was like a kid in the 90s. I was like a young teen. I think I was like 13. I think it was better to be a kid in the 90s. Ah, fuck that.

I was old enough to appreciate both Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Nirvana. It was great. Thank you. All right. There was an ad that used to play all the fucking time, where it was like a dad who would burst into a kid's room, and he'd be like Are you smoking this marijuana?

And the kid looked at him which was actually directly at a camera and he'd go I learned it from watching you! Yep. And it was an ad about how you should not, I guess do weed in front of your kids. I don't know what the moral was,

but he was like, I learned it from watching you! And it closed in on the dad, and he's like, oh. Hey, y'all, just taking a break from the show to say thank you to everyone who attended live, and thank you for listening, even though you can't see any of the visual gags, and if you made it this far,

you're a real hero. But now it is time for Sweet Sweet Ads. Because today we're sponsored by Hello Tushy. It is so crazy that it's 2022. We have high speed internet. You're listening to us through the air, or however it all works, a series of tubes. I don't even know. Yet we're still cleaning our butts the way they did in Victorian times.

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and honey really helps with that because after a while, I'm sure all of that adds up and to be able to see how much you save every time you check out is incredible. Honey is such a great tool. I'm buying products for the office. I'm buying stuff for my house. All the things I'm always having packages shipped to me. It's just easier and Honey makes it even more so. Because thanks to Honey, searching manually for codes online for discounts is a thing of the past. Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best one it finds to your cart. Imagine you're shopping your favorite site and you go to checkout and the Honey button

appears at the top, bing, and it's like, yo, apply coupons. You click it, you wait a few seconds, then the best coupon for that site for whatever you bought will be applied. And at that point, you just watch the price drop. I mentioned numerous times that I've used it for tech goods. I think we used it for pizza at one point, which is pretty crazy. I use it all the time. Recently, if you were at the live show, I wore like a nice pink number. I got that pink shirt online and used Honey to help reduce the price. And the best part is Honey doesn't just work on your desktop. It works on your iPhone as well. So just activate it on Safari and save on your phone while you're on the go.

If you don't have Honey, you're already missing out on saving so much money. So just get it today. Do yourself this solid by getting Honey for free at join honey comm slash Cox That's join honey.com Slash Cox now let's jump back into this live show say I don't know. Why are we talking about this? I don't know we should be talking about Chop to grab some of this guy with creme door creme door How's that traffic out there?

Let me sit down. Wow, the traffic out here is crazy on the 405. Look at over the 53 and the seven. A lot of people, mainly in the front row. Then it just becomes darkness, fog, loneliness. So it's alright. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor.

Now let's go to Crendor at the weather desk. Crendor, how's that weather? Weather. Hold on. Crendor, did you bring Woppy today? Oh yeah, he's back here. Oh my god. Hold on. Crendor, you forgot to Woppy today? Crendor, did you bring him? Oh, yeah. He's back here. Oh, my God. Hold on.

Crendor, you forgot to bring Woppy? Oh, God. Crendor. Yeah. How do I get out of here? We have to wheel him out. He's very big. We have to wheel him around.

Yeah, he's like a giant box thing. Yeah, he's a big box. Hold on. Smash him. Oh, so unprepared. I'm so sorry you're not allowed. Sir, you would die. Our lawyers say no.

Oh, here it is. WAPI activated. Chicago, Illinois, 74 degrees, partly cloudy. Woppy sounds a lot like you, buddy. Are you okay? Did you change the voice modulation? No. All right.

72 feels like 72. Hold on. We're holding. Winds, southeast, 4 miles per hour. Humidity, 59. Sunrise, 555. Sunset, 755 p.m. Dewpoint, 57.

Pressure, 30.55 p.m. dew point 57 pressure 30.15 inch UV index zero attempting to find moon phase if it's not waning gibbous, I'm going to be real upset. Waxing gibbous. Flu alert. Moderate risk. Hold. Dude, where the hell's the moon phase Shouldn't Woppy know this Crendor Wait hold on

We can hold Hi this half of the room So we were talking about you all loving me before What's that like Is it Yeah Alright Now all of you saying that you love me who are dating

some waning gibbous Saturday 81 Sunday 74 Monday 74 Tuesday 75. 76, Wednesday. Thursday, 78. Friday, 78. Are you okay? Nah, I was breaking. Oh. That's a shame.

Yeah. All right. Wait, hold on. Yeah. We've gotten to, hold on. Yeah. We've gotten to the point now where every time we do weather, we end up not talking about weather. Huge question. Best place to eat in Chicago. Wait, that's not weather.

I know. Best place to eat in Chicago. Hands. All right. I'm going to just talk to this side of the room. Fuck that side of the room. All right. This row. Suggest just talk to this side of the room. Fuck that side of the room. Alright. This row. Suggestions.

Alright. They got nothing. This row. Suggestions. Nothing. This row. Suggestions. Little Bad Wolf. Little Bad Wolf? Sounds like a porn shop. This row. Anything? Nothing. This row. Anything?

Wiener Circle. That sounds like a place you would get hot dogs, not a porn shop. Ask for a milkshake. I'm sorry, what? Ask for a milkshake. You want... Is that like one of those milkshake brings all the boys to the yard situation? Or is it like a dick situation? Or is it like one of those twirl things no all

right all right second to last row what kumas corner whoa that got a lot of Back row. Pequod. Pequod. Is that pizza? All right. I saw some hands. Yes? Portillo? Is that an affirmative from you? You've been to Portillo's twice. Oh, I know.

I know. I'm asking. Ikea. You've eaten at Ikea once. I see that heart now, too. So now I'm a little worried. Is this a trap you're going to get me stuck in an Ikea? And I'll never be able to leave?

And you're like, you're mine now. No. What? Be strong, Jesse. Be strong, Jesse. Be strong. Hold on, there was one more over here. Yeah? What? What?

Whoa. I want everyone to know that the cool mob place was shot down by Ikea very quickly. No. Don't go there, Ikea. Eat your fucking meatballs, Jesse. Damn. Do you guys have any suggestions?

What? what Ikea you've got a lot to say you've got a lot of opinions about food in the area holy shit the crowd went yeah it's the most authentic Holy shit. The crowd went, yeah, it's the most authentic. I mean, I can't say no to that. Everyone loves to go authentic. All right.

French guy, do you have any suggestions? Raising Cain. All right. I really need to know. Honest to God. When you say Raising Cain, what is your favorite part of Raisin Cane's? Chicken, what do you want? Well, obviously that's all they serve, but what is your favorite part?

Are you dressed up like a chicken? Do you like the dipping sauce? Are you like a Texas toast boy? What's your vibe? I'm the sauce baby right here. Yes! Alright, alright, alright. All right. All right. All right. All right.

I need you to re-say all that because as you went, the sauce tastes like out of nowhere. Yes! I have no idea what you said. All I heard was, yeah. All right, what do you think about the sauce? The sauce tastes like what? The French sauce from Burgundy. What is, I mean, like, okay.

So Raisin Cane's is a little ooh-la-la for you? Very nice. All right, what do you think about the, what do you get when the um what do you get when you're there you get just the chicken strips and the chicken strips

you just get a water sauce give me one of those styrofoam cartons just full of sauce it reminds me of burgundy I take a bath

in that shit. Okay, all right. Hold on, someone had their hand up. I can barely see you, but yes? Yes? The sauce from Cane. Also Texas toast. Yeah.

Hi, welcome to the show. It's so nice to have you here. I'm so happy you're here. Go to Denny's? Yo, don't fuck with Denny's. Every time I've been to a Denny's, our waitress has hit on me and it's been the best experience of my life. Every time.

Every time they're like, how you doing, sugar? For some reason, they're smoking. And I'm like, I don't know. What should I get? And they're like, moons over my hammy, baby. I'm like, sure thing. She's like, you're a cutie.

They're all 70 plus. I'm just saying my target audience is 70 plus, and I'm going to let you know. Let your nanas know. I'm out here breaking hips. So that's the weather. All right, let's go to sports. Sports.

It's so disappointing when he goes sports and he pulls out his phone normally i got the computer screen uh all right let's see pre-season football giants beat the patriots yesterday ravens beat the titans uh by way, the Ravens haven't lost a preseason game in like six years or something. It's crazy. Falcons beat the Lions. Browns beat the Jaguars. The Jets beat the Eagles. Yeah. I mean, this is their season, really. Cardinals beat the Bengals. And 49ers are beating the Packers 2014. Hold on. Wait, so you guys don't like the Packers?

Wait, aren't we in Wisconsin right now? Wait, I thought for sure. Is there cheese everywhere? Have you been to this city? There's cheese everywhere. I just went to a burger place where they were like, we inject cheese. Inject it? That's unnecessary, sir.

I don't know. It's next door. I got a spicy burger, and it was like too spicy. And let me tell you, I'm up here being a real champion. Because if I put this microphone in my stomach, it would be like, oh, fuck, bro. We shouldn't eat that burger. That was too spicy. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm not going to advertise them. You paying for that? It was called like jessies's burger comm backslash I'm not advertising them I think it was at makeshift comm slash products slash Crandor so that's just off the top of my head I'm not sure right of course and then baseball Padres beat Washington well they're beating him but it's it's bad Seattle beat Texas Dodgers beating them, but it's bad. Seattle beat Texas.

Dodgers beating Kansas City. Houston beating Oakland. St. Louis beating Milwaukee. Colorado beating Arizona. Minnesota beating the Angels. Giants beating Pittsburgh. Your dad's probably upset. He probably is.

Is this baseball? Yeah. He's not a big Pirates fan. Oh, okay. It's ever since Barry Bonds left. That was like in 1999. I don't know what that was.

Which Barry Bonds went from looking like me to being like a gigantic Roy. If you ever want to know what steroids do to a person, go look up 90s Barry Bonds and like 2000s Barry Bonds. You'll be like, holy shit. That dude, he's like,

I never took drugs in my life. You're like, your head grew four sizes, my man. That's not natural. And then Braves won. Cleveland won. Orioles won. Philadelphia won. Boston won. White Sox won.

A lot of Boston fans here. I want to let you know, there was a sizable amount of woos, and then when I said a lot of Boston fans, there was one like, I am a Boston fan. Everyone else was like, I'm not saying that shit.

I get stabbed outside. Chicago, baby. Yeah. That's mainly if you're like a Cardinals fan. Cardinals? Yeah, St. Louis. Nah, no one likes the Cardinals. No one likes the Cardinals.

No one likes the Cardinals. No. Wait, hold on. Whoa, wait, what? Several people were like, I'll see you outside, God. Damn, okay. That's what I get for trash talk in St. Louis. Didn't know that was a big place to

not trash talk. Now you do. Now I do. All right. Well, that is sports. You interrupted that sport. Well, I was trying to wrap it up. It's almost like we haven't done over 300 episodes.

Almost 400 episodes of this nonsense. Over 10, 12 years. How long have we been doing this? It's almost like we have it down finally. Almost. Every time someone's like, yeah dude, I remember listening to you when I was in high school. Now I'm married

and have kids. Why you gotta make me feel old? Make you feel old? I look into your faces and fade to dust every time. I see all of you in the audience. I'm like, goodbye, everyone. I fade away

like one of the elves in Lord of the Rings. Into the west I go I get on a boat and I'm like Krendor if you want to come I'll take you We got a bunch of shit I don't even know what's in the west but they're telling me to go So I'm going to get on this boat You want to come? No? Alright

I gotta live to like my 90s and have a bunch of pain I'm just waving like Into the west Yeah That's my Lord of the Rings One Lord of the Rings joke for the night I'm just waving like Into the west Yeah That's my Lord of the Rings One Lord of the Rings joke for the night I'm good Yeah

Yeah Alright Quendo What is our big fact? Oh Jesus You weren't prepared for this at all were you? Oh Jesus I wasn't prepared for the fact You know it's trouble when he has to sit down

Like hold on I gotta think this one through I'm also still digesting that hamburger from that plate Yeah yeah alright so anyway Back to loving me How we doing What Oh my god

Well well well It looks like someone read my twitter And now it is time. While Crandall looks us up, ladies and gentlemen, as you know, sex god that I am. I know.

I know. I get approached quite frequently on Instagram by bots. Seems like every day a beautiful bot messages me. And this time, oh my god, she just messaged me again. Oh my god. Alright.

I'm going to take you through this adventure. Alright, so. I get, so I tweeted, or I Instagrammed or whatever it is. I don't know what the fuck. No, no, no, I posted a photo, and it's the photo of me looking lovingly at Aloy. I love Aloy. Anyway, look at Aloy, and then the message I get is from someone named Roman of Alexander.

Now, mind you, already I'm a little weirded out because Roman of Alexander and then the picture being like a very attractive young Asian woman. Already I'm like, what does that mean? Is her name Roman? Of Alexander? So I go to the Instagram page, and there's about 800 photos. All of them... She apparently lives in Hong Kong, according to this thing. And all the photos are, like,

of the most rich, wealthy person I've ever seen in my life. And, like, living their amazing life. It's incredible. And I'm like, this is some fake bullshit. And I scroll down to the point where I realize 90% of the photos were posted January 12th, 2022. And I'm like, oh yes, this is a bot.

Except, and I can't show them to you because I have to scroll through her Twitter or her Instagram feed, but her Instagram feed ended with one from 2017 and one from 2019. And the 2017 photo was of a baby sucking on a boob.

But with Spanish text. And the photo above that was of a restaurant with just the seats and no one there. And then suddenly no other things until 2022, and then it's all the same woman. And already I'm like, mm-mm. Someone hacked this account. But I love when people do this.

And so I was already like, well, well, well. Our first catch of the day. And so she messaged me about this Instagram photo that I posted about me in the background, blurry looking, and she said, hey, I opened Instagram and saw your post. Can I ask you a question? And already I'm like, hmm.

I said, sure, what's up? She said, and all right, because I don't know this person. This is before I realized I got to look into this person. Usually, and someone asks a thing, I respond. I'm like, not an asshole. And she said, excuse me, what is the character of Archery in the painting? And I responded, Aloy from Horizon Zero Dawn. She said, did you make yourself? And I responded, no, it was a gift. And she said, ah, it is a meaningful gift. Do you want to give it to the person of your heart? And I responded, it was gifted by me to me.

The number one person of my heart. by me to me. The number one person of my heart. And she responded, I see, period. My favorite gift, period. People want to be good to themselves and enjoy

their own life. Do you like buy the gifts for you like? I did not respond. Then, two days later hello have a nice day and I responded you too and then she responded what you doing and I said work so much work

which is never a lie and then she said it's right to work hard when you take something seriously everything will turn out for the best and i said yep love my job really is the best and she said that sounds great if you don't mind me asking what do you do for a living and i responded like any good asshole would what do you do for a living and she said i mean you know i mean what is your job and I said what is your job and she said wow I've never talked to anyone like this before I am in clothing business I run a fashion company and I responded would I said would I know the label? Although I did say, would I known the label, but whatever.

I said, would I know the label, or is it not that kind of company? She said, I don't know what you mean. Are you asking me what kind of company? And I said, yes, I'm asking you what kind of company. She said, I run a fashion business, world famous. And I said, would I know it? She said, I run a fashion business, world famous. And I said, would I know it?

And she sent me a link to www.cybo.com slash hkbiz slash wame fashion trading company limited. And I went to it. And it's... I know. Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. I'm aware. And it literally is just like a wholesale retailer of cloth. And so I was, and she said,

that's the domain of my company already. I'm like, the Saibo website appears to be a website that just is like Facebook-ish. And so I was like, oh, that's your HTML? She said, yes, that is. I was like, wow, that's incredible. I can't believe you own that. That's amazing. Congratulations on being a part of something so big. She said, thank you. It's

very difficult. I've been through a lot of bad things since early days, but startup and pandemic, it's better now. I believe very difficult things will start, but very difficult things will finish. things will start but very difficult things will finish so now we're starting to get close to the live show and i was like i gotta hurry this shit up i gotta speed this along so i said quick question what does your instagram mean is it related to your work because again she said She said her name in her profile was Bella Mary, but the Instagram name was Roman of Alexander. So I was like, what does that mean? And this is where the fun comes in. She goes, name has nothing to do with it. I don't promote on media.

The company has a professional promotion department. The company is its own physical thing. I don't promote. And I said, right, so what does the name Roman of Alexander mean she goes my name is Bella what's your name and I said Jesse like my profile what does Roman of Alexander mean she said it's just a login account it doesn't mean anything and I said you didn't pick it for a reason she said there's no reason doesn't need a reason I said if it was a series of random numbers or letters, sure.

Maybe you just did that. But Roman of Alexandria seems very specific. What does that have to do with the name Bella, if I mind asking? She said, you think everything happens for a reason? And this is what I knew I was playing against a master. I have toyed with many a bot before, but we were in like, this was like Queen's Gambit over, I was like, oh shit, this person knows what's up.

So I said, I mean, I guess we'll find out. Why are you talking to me? Why are we doing this? And she said, that's a strange question to ask. If your child, by the way, I think this person is still talking about the previous subject and ignored what I was saying because they said, that's a strange question you're asking. If your child goes out to play and accidentally steps into a puddle, his clothes and pants get wet. Your child can't tell why they stepped in the puddle, but you'll always just be curious.

So I responded, but children are curious, and I was once a child, and I know why people step in puddles. It's fun. So I may not like that they got their clothes wet, but I understand why they did it. I'm trying to understand why your name is Roman of Alexander. Since I don't at the moment.

And they responded, children are not curious. The child I knew had accidentally stepped in it. The child doesn't want to get the clothes dirty. Thank you for understanding. I don't know what this has to do with my login account. And I was like, ah,

a grandmaster, I see. So I was like, alright, and this is, by the way, this was at 3.44 today. So I was like, I gotta step this shit up. I gotta have something for the live show. So I wrote, I mean, I just want to find out

why you reached out to me. What was the purpose? Do you like talking to me? And she said, I just, your post. Make me curious, just say hello to you. And when I opened Instagram, I saw a recommendation. I thought, we know each other, or maybe mutual friends.

Very sorry to disturb you. And I was like, this is like next level. 33 in the third degree, grandmaster. I was like, okay. I can't tell if you really are a bot now. I was like, did I just offend this person? So I was like, I gotta step it up.

Jesse, we gotta take it to the next level. So I wrote, so I gotta step it up. Jesse, we gotta take it to the next level. So I wrote, so do you want to be friends? She said, maybe we could be friends. And I wrote, what kind of friends? You're so beautiful. I can't imagine being just your friend. And she said, I know this will be a new problem.

It will confuse you. Heart emoji? I was like, I don't even know how to respond to that. So I said, okay, what next? And she said, I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going to the gym. She said, I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm going to the gym. I have met my arch nemesis. This, whoever this person is, is like the grand magister of bots.

I was like, holy shit. So I then said, all right. Oh, oh. And then she said, I'm going to the gym. Ask me anything you want. I'll be back later. So I was, so this was at 6 53 PM tonight. I was like, oh shit, Jesse, we got to go in. So I said, the thing I want to ask you is I want to know if you'll go on a date with me. And she wrote back, your wife's going to want to divorce you. And I wrote back,

well, I'm not married, but maybe you could be my wife. I know. And she wrote back, what if we're not a good fit? And I wrote back, we won't know unless we try. And she said, this is what I just got now.

This is the most recent thing as I open this. I'm reading it for the first time. I don't know what this says. What you say is true. Just like after I graduated from college, I chose to start a business, but it had nothing to do with my major. But when it comes to feelings, it doesn't mean that you can't have them. No matter what kind of relationship it is, it starts from strangers and then friends, and now we're just getting to know each There is something there. Now I ask you, what is my reply? Bot hole picks.

Bot hole picks. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, wait, wait, wait. We're gonna blow this random bot's mind. All right. After a social security. Eggplant emoji. I was going to take a photo of all of you giving heart signs and send it to this random bot,

but then I realized I don't want your photos on this person. They will hunt you down. So that's not good. All I'm saying is, what do I say to this person? What would Crandor do? Crandor, what would you say? Repeat that back. The last thing they said?

Yeah. Jesus. All right, let me open this again. They said, what you say is true. Just like after I graduated from college, I chose to start a business that had nothing to do with my major. When it comes to feelings, it doesn't mean that you can't have them or establish them.

No matter what kind of relationship it is, it starts from strangers to friends, and now we're just starting to know each other, so it's possible it could happen to us. What do you say? This is clearly a bot. This is not a human being. Just be like... This is not a real...

No, this is not a real person. Look, look, Crandor. Right now, Roman of Alexander, scroll through this. All right. That is, 90% of them are pictures of food, and the other 10% are like a supermodel living in Hong Kong who is a billionaire. Every photo is like a person at like Louis Vuitton, like, what did I just say? I think I said that correctly.

Boy, I hope so. Over at Malort's. And it just, it's clearly fake. If you scroll all the way to the bottom, again, everything appears in 2022. It's fake. It's clearly fake. It is. How far down do I got to go? You would be scrolling for a while because what it is, is on June, January 12th, 2022, about 80 photos show up. And then underneath those 80 photos is 2019 and 2017. And again, it's a picture of a baby in a boob. Yeah, there's the

baby in the boob. See? I'm not making this up. It's very obvious that it's fake. Okay, and you didn't even say the restaurant is Spongebob. Yeah, the restaurant's a Spongebob. No, no, no. The restaurant's a SpongeBob restaurant. So again, and then this person's like, I'm in Hong Kong. This is fake. This is fake.

I'd have to like, no, I'm not going to do that. The thing is, I don't want to invest a lot of time in this. Because it's like, you know, and eventually I'm just going to delete it. But 90% of what I do is for this show. So I'm thinking to myself, this will be good. We can do something fun. But we have to workshop this together. Tell her you're a bot.

I'm a bot? Tell her you're unavailable. Ah, I already said that I wasn't married. Yeah, but why? No, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to lie to a bot. Just say something about stepping in puddles. Oh, my God, Crandor.

Give me that. Give me that. And here we go. All right. Maybe we could step in some puddles together. Because... some puddles together because No, no, Sean, come on, I got this! No, come on, I got this! Because

I would like to get you wet. What? Scent. to get you wet. Sent. I'm fully expecting a message to come back that's like,

I too enjoy a good puddle. Puddles are lovely. We'll find out. Maybe next week we'll talk about it. I don't know. What are you doing? I've been waiting to do the fact of the day. All right.

Let's go to our fact of the day. Fact of the day. I found numerous Chicago facts that it says you never knew about Chicago, but I think I knew like half of these, if not more. You can see four states from the, they say Willis Tower, but that's wrong. It's the Sears Tower. Chicago River is the only river

in the world that flows backwards. Yeah. Why is that? What? Yeah. It's actually, yeah. You really hate St. Louis. Yeah.

What do they ever do to you? What? Exist? No wonder this country had a civil war. Like, fuck them. They exist. Whoa. All right. Question. Is it like that in France? Like fuck them, they exist Whoa Question, is it like that in France?

Is there a place where you're like That's true I mean we know that The other European countries feel the same way about you But here's the question In France, is there a place where you're like Nah The north?

What's going on in north of france can i ask you a question this is like a european question everywhere i go in europe everyone always associates people that live in the north of their country with like definitely banging cousins and or animals why is that It's every country. If you go to England, if you go to Germany, if you go anywhere, they're like, oh, those people in the north, they're fucking sheep. Why? Because it's cold.

It's cold. I lived in Buffalo. I'm going to let you know. Never fucked a sheep. Not once. A lot of sheep in Buffalo. I'm going to let you know. Never fucked a sheep. Not once. A lot of sheep in Buffalo. So many sheep. All right. Fact of the day.

I just did numerous facts. I thought you said there were more. I thought you said five. You gave us two. I said we were doing a few facts, but I can keep going. You said there were five facts about Chicago. All right. Calm down.

Chicago is home to the first U.S. blood bank. Yeah. Congratulations, Chicago. Chicago's longest continuous street runs 23.5 miles. Wait, what? Western Avenue. Is Western Avenue on Monopoly? No? No. Is Monopoly on Monopoly? No?

No. Is Monopoly only New York? I think so. So you're saying there's no Chicago Monopoly? There probably is. There's like an everything Monopoly. There is, that's true. There's like a Stranger Things Monopoly and you're like, what the fuck?

I bought two spaces on 11. Like, what? It doesn I bought two spaces on 11. Like, what? Doesn't even make any fucking sense. Famous treat was created there. Oh, it's Twinkies. What? Twinkies were created. Twinkies were created in this city?

Yeah. All right. So Chicago, home of Twinkies. Yeah. Big ass pizzas. Yeah. And hot dogs with more vegetables than hot dog. Yeah, but no ketchup.

It's a damn fine city, I'm going to let you know. Pretty good. All right. The first televised presidential debate was broadcasted from Chicago's CBS station. You did not. None of you give a shit about that. Woo! Old debates.

You don't care. Every year, the Chicago rivers died green for St. Patrick's Day. It's always green anyway. That's true. It is green anyway. They just make it deeper green. The name Chicago means onion field.

That's so romantic. Chicago is home to more than 570 parks and 31 beaches. Cool. Wait, what the fuck was that? I just saw like hands go up like, yeah! You jazz hands, parks and beaches? All right. I mean, everyone loves what they love. I'm not going to tell you not to love it.

The whole city was raised up in the 1850s in an effort to fix a major drainage problem. I love the way you spun that. Chicago's built on a swamp and it's a bunch of drainage. You're like, that's actually really cool and it's a bunch of drainage you're like that's actually really cool it's actually one of the better facts am i shaming you for learning as no longer a teacher you don't need to learn that 90 of the stuff you learn in school you don't even know that i am into history.

Yeah, I am into history. Can't I both mock you and be interested in the facts? What's the point of this entire show if I can't mock you and be interested in why I'm mocking you? Yeah, at least he knows what he's here for. There is always one moon face, Stan. Give us the moon face! Next show, I want you here with like a

moon face. And just sit in the front row and be like, moon face, moon face. You're like that guy who shouts, Play Freebird at every concert. Play Moonface. The original Ferris wheel originated in Chicago. And it's not called the Windy City for its breeze.

It's because of the politics. Woo! Woo! Weird, not a lot of woos there. Strange. Those are your facts. All right. Crandor. Yeah.

It is time. For what? For the big news story of the day. All right. What? Oh, yeah. We didn't even have a sponsor for this. Oh, I got gotta sit down.

We all got it. We all got MeUndies on. Shout out to MeUndies. Although they may not be sponsoring this episode. I have to go home and then see and so that could be a problem. Today's episode is brought to you by Patreon.com slash crendor

and makeshift.com slash product slash crendor also brought to you today by some food product we're selling and an underwear and

possibly some sort of weird website you go to to save money on something and and what oh calm calm I can't say calm everyone thinks i'm saying come you do when i say youtube.com www.com.com slash cox it's It's...

I get it now, I understand. www.cum slash cum slash cox is pretty funny. I get it now. I might have also hiked my underwear up a little too high. Alright, anyway, yes? Big news story of the day. Okay. Canadian man uses giant billboard to get rid of leftover dairy product in fridge. I don't even know what that means.

A Canadian man who found a food item in his fridge is using a billboard to clean house. Angel Domingo, a 48 year old who recently moved to a home in Toronto, wanted to get rid of a stick of string cheese after he found it in his new fridge. He placed an ad for the cheese on a Canadian... You know what I thought this would be dumb but I didn't realize it's this dumb. He placed an ad for the cheese on a Canadian advertising site, Kijijiji. But after he received no takers, he wanted to see how a billboard would do.

Quote, it's a pretty good cheese string. I haven't seen a cheese string in a long time, and I think, you know, it's of some value. I wanted to get rid of it, he said. The ad placed in Toronto's billboard-laden Yonge-Dundas Square

asked Canadians if they wanted to trade for the Black Diamond brand dairy products with no lowballs. He admitted the string cheese is the strangest thing he's ever had to offer, but the billboard, which went live earlier this week, has caused offers to appear in droves. Some of the offers have included Persian cats, someone's girlfriend, and a unique box of Lucky Charms.

You gotta go for the box of Lucky Charms. You trade up for the box of Lucky Charms. He makes another billboard, I got a unique box of Lucky Charms. Anyone got a girlfriend? They said they would pick through it so it was only the charms. I thought that was pretty nice but if I had the time I'd do it myself, Domingo said. Well of course. But he's still awaiting the right trade. I've been

telling everybody the same thing when they asked me what I'm looking for. It's like you'll know when you see it, he said. That's it. I hate that that was applause-worthy. All right, Crandall, let's hit it with the socials. Oh, socials. Okay, yeah, of course. We have makeship.com slash product slash Crandor. That's number one.

We have youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast. That's where you can hear all the podcasts. We got youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor. It's all animations. We got youtube.com slash Crandor. YouTube.com, Jesse Cox. Patreon, Crandor. Patreon, all the animations. We got YouTube.com slash Crendor. YouTube.com Jesse Cox. Patreon Crendor. Patreon Jesse Cox. TikTok Crendor. TikTok Jesse Cox. TikTok Facebook

Crendor Facebook. Jesse Cox. I think that's your Facebook. I don't even know anymore. Twitch TV Jesse Cox. It's the Jesse Cox and I don't use it. Alright, great. I haven't been on Facebook in like three years. YouTube.com Warhammer Crendor. YouTube.com There's probably something else. Oh, I'm not. Oh yeah,'s probably something else. Oh, yeah.

Cren Clips. And Cox Clips. YouTube.com. Did you say? Oh, SoundCloud. iTunes. Instagram.com. Oh, yeah.

Instagram.com. Come be a bot and hit on me. No, it's Aureus Cox. Yes. All right. That is it for us. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for coming out tonight. Woo!

Woo!