Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 354 - Who Do You Think "They" Are?

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

The boys are back and this time Crendor relives his pre-YouTube days with a hilarious recounting of his youth. Meanwhile Jesse meets a secret agent while getting a bagel. Meanwhile a man floats down river in a pumpkin and a hot dog stand from the 1950s steals the boys heart. All this and more on Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://butcherbox.com/cox to get 2 lbs of free-range, organic chicken breasts for free in every order. Go to http://babbel.com/cox to save up to 60% off your subscription.

Today's episode is brought to you by ButcherBox. ButcherBox is going to be bringing you all them good meats. Also, today we're brought to you by Babbel. Babbel is how you can get them good meats all over the world by learning a new language. Hang on. See? Tied it together. Feeling really good about myself. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning.

In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Wake your ass up! It's up next! Trending in the morning! Hello everybody, what's up guys? it's Granddad in the morning! What's up, I'm standing.

Whoa, you're standing? I'm standing right now. Do you have a stand desk? I have a sit-stand desk, I've had one for a while. But you decided to stand for this very show? Well, here's the thing. I may have talked about this already, but I've been wanting to use my sit-stand desk more because I hate sitting. Because sitting's not good.

So I was like, all right, I'll stand. But then I watched some stuff, and they were like, the thing is, you don't want to just stand because you're not supposed to just stand there for hours being like, eh. So they're like, the best thing you do is you alternate. So you do like 30-minute sit, 30-minute stand, 30-minute sit, 30- staying. 30 minutes sit, 30 minutes staying. So that's what I do. I 30 minutes sit, I 30 minutes staying, and I've been feeling great. You know what? That's amazing.

I'm very proud of you. I honestly, you standing, I feel the emotiveness of you right now. Yeah, it feels like I'm up. I'm doing something. I'm not sitting there like, eh. You know, I'm up. I'm like, eh. Right, right. You went from eh to eh. Right, no, I know. Yeah. like, you know, I'm up. I'm like, hey, right.

Right. You went to that. Right. No, I know. Yeah. Yeah. You can hear it. I could hear it in your I could hear it.

Yeah. So, yeah, that's been fun. Didn't you have a desk thing that was late? Was that last week? Still hasn't arrived. So, yeah. So I called them Monday morning i called them uh monday morning called them like hey so i've ordered sit stand desk before it arrived in like a week

this time it's been 28 days now 29 days what's going on and the lady was like oh honey don't worry i'm gonna i'll look it up for you right now i'm like okay so she tap tap tap i hear going to, I'll look it up for you right now. I'm like, okay. So she tap, tap, tap it here going to work. She's like, they're still making that thing. I'm like, what? They're still making it? She's like, don't worry, Shug. I will email you directly and let you know when it's going to be arriving. I was like, okay.

And so admittedly to her benefit, the minute we got done with the call, she emailed me and was like, all right, this I can keep in touch with me. That's good. So, I mean, I guess it's just taking longer for reasons i don't know but that was very bizarre that that i heard nothing and then i talked to like a sweet southern bell and she was like don't worry i got you i was like okay thanks well at least they're i think it's probably just COVID supply chain stuff. But I got the other one in 2021. That was height COVID.

Oh, yeah. Maybe it's the backlog. It's backlog issue. Maybe because the one I ordered is the normal size one, and the one I ordered for the office is like the double length one. They probably got a bunch of double length ones hanging around. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah, they're probably sending them one of double length ones hanging around Yep That checks out Send them one of the warehouse ones

And they're just like get rid of these I mean it works this thing is amazing I have my computer Two monitors a playstation 5 And two lights hooked up to this damn thing And when I lower and raise it it lowers and raises just fine How often do you lower and raise Depends on what we're doing

So if we're filming certain things, like if I'm playing a game, I'm usually just going to be sitting because I will mentally check out and just lean back. But if we're filming a thing or I'm doing I've done it for a stream before. Sometimes I'll just do it. But most of the time, if we're recording something on the

other side of the room, I'll raise it so that I can walk over to it, type some stuff and walk back like that kind of thing. Rather than walk over. Because I'll get I'm sitting i can walk over to it type some stuff and walk back like that kind of thing rather than like walk over because i'll get like i'm sitting down i'm trying to do a thing and i'll you know yeah my my definitely undiagnosed but definitely have adhd will kick in and i'll start focusing on something else and completely forget yeah yeah i see yeah it's i think it's a it's a great investment i I love it. Especially for people who've got to be at a desk. Like, if you're working at an office, you work, you know, anything where you've got to be at a desk.

I think getting a sit-stand desk, fantastic. It gives you an excuse to get up and move for a bit and then, you know, plop back down on your big stupid butt. Yeah. Yeah, or like what I said, just keep alternating. That's the trick. I would forget to do that. I'd be like, that's more of a hassle than leaving it up for me. Why?

I don't know. I'd rather just leave it up. If I'm going to stand, I'm going to stand for a few hours. That's like, I don't know. The up, down, it's like when I, if I'm like doing something physical for a while, right? I'd rather, the best example I have of this is when my dad and I went to Machu Picchu. And there's this stairway that's 365 steps. And there are little path things off to the side where you can stop and rest.

And my thought process was, if I stop and rest, it's going to be harder for me. So I just did all 365, got to the top. I think almost died. I remember laying down and like a llama came up and started licking my face. Right? Like I was just like, oh. But I did it so I wouldn't have to stop. You know?

I'd rather do a thing, finish it, and then move on. The minute I slow down, like if I'm out for a day, if like you and I, we go out and we do a thing, we're out all day, we run around, and it's like 9 p.m. If we sit down at 9 p.m., I'm done. I'm done. You're not going to get me up to go do another thing, right? It's like, oh, we need to like go do this other crazy thing.

I'm like, nah, bro. It's over for me. I used up all my energy. We're sitting down now. It's done. I'm like, nah, bro. It's over for me. I used up all my energy. We're sitting down now. It's done. I got nothing else in the tank. Yeah. I mean, I can see that.

It's like I feel that if you're like cleaning or exercising or something, like once you stop or you start slowing down, it's like it's hard to get ramped up again. Yeah. But for like, I don't know know streaming or like working on stuff or podcast like you're like oh i can sit stay and alternate that's because you do like different things you know like you have like you do things me i'm like all right so now i'm gonna play a game and then eight hours later i'm like how what the hell happened? Today I was doing a stream. I was like, alright. Let me know when it's two hours. Three hours, 47 minutes later, I'm like,

what the hell happened? What did anyone tell me? Why didn't they tell you? I don't know. That's a chat problem. Weren't you playing that cult game? Yeah, I was playing that Cult of the Lamb. That game's great. Super game? Yeah, I was playing that, the Cult of the Lamb. That game's great.

Super fun. Yeah, I played it. I played a few hours of it, and then I was like, dude, I gotta play more. And then I just played other games because I forgot. Well, that's what happened to me, too. I played a bunch, forgot for a week, and then was like, oh, I should play more. And then went back and played a bunch more. It was super fun.

Played with chat. And what I learned is that chat can influence the game in more ways now. And so anytime anyone would die, chat would just resurrect them. Oh, that's cool. And so basically I have a massive undead cult, a cult of people who cannot die. They grow old and die of old age, then they get resurrected as young kids.

And now they have like – so I have characters in my cult that are like 103, and they look like kids. Crazy. They've broken the game. I've had to build so many beds. Like, the center totem where you collect faith is always full. Like, it's just so

fun. We are at full cheat code, basically. I am so overpowered. I'm just like, okay. Thanks, cult. That's, uh, I am so overpowered I'm just like okay thanks Colt that's uh that's fun I think my other thing was um everybody was playing it you know what I mean like when everybody's streaming it it's like if I stream this nobody's gonna watch cause they're watching

literally every other person I know play it sure I get it so I was like I played a bit that was fun now I'm gonna do my other thing but yeah I'll probably go back play it sure right i get it so i was like i played a bit that was fun now i'm gonna do my other thing but yeah i'll probably go back play it some more that's what i uh did for final fantasy 14 i was an idiot i knew that when the new expansion came out everyone was gonna be streaming it so i believe at the time i went and hung out with you for a week and then came back and was like oh it's been out for a week already and everyone's beating it crazy i guess i'll stream

now actually i don't think i could i couldn't stream till like january i don't think oh i don't remember what the hell happened but it took me like two weeks to start the stream and everyone finally was like wow and that's i had some of the biggest numbers i've ever had then so i completely understand i mean it makes sense because then like everybody stopped streaming it maybe people forget about or people like keep playing they're like i want to see somebody. But then nobody's playing it. And then boom, there you are. It has to be a very specific game.

I think Final Fantasy was important because it's a game that people want to see reactions to. So once they've beaten it, they want to witness your reaction to it. So they'll watch. And so you can get, I think, 13,000, 14,000 people watching at one point. That's huge. Call to the Lamb, I think, is one of those games where 14,000 people watching at one point, right? Like that's huge. Cult of the Lamb, I think, is one of those games where it's because people want to interact with you. They want to be a part of the cult. The functionality of it is so that they're influencing what's going on in the cult and they're helping it grow, right?

So it's fun to do. Right. There are many, many, many games where that's not the case. Like if you are not in on the first run, if it like a big rpg that's like an open world thing if you're not beating it in the first week you've wasted your time yeah that's like up everybody's ahead of you well that's what was so unfair and sucked about horizon forbidden west for me is i went to sit down and play it i want to explore the world wanted to do all this stuff every major streamerer was like, okay, I'm going to play. Plowed through the thing in like two days.

Beat the game, moved on. Everyone saw the ending, and I'm like, I haven't even left the starting zone. I was like, oh, okay, well. And then people just fell off because they could see how, like, oh, Jesse's playing. I wonder what happens. I'll just go look it up. Oh, yeah. And then they know.

They don't need to watch. They move on. It happens. It sucks. Yeah. But I'm still playing Pokemon gambling, although I don't play as much Pokemon Kaizo Ironmon as I did. And I played a little bit. You were top five, dog.

You were top five streamer. I was top five streamer. I was top five streamer. It's fun. I just pop a couple runs in there every couple days. I've been doing my Wrath of the Lich King leveling. Reliving 2007. It's been a good time. 2008.

Plus, they got XP boost, which is very nice. Very nice. I mean mean I guess it's nice I'm not sure how I feel about that Does it boost you to the level It would be to start at Wrath Uh Not yet no Does it boost you to max level

No I mean it's 50% experience Gain boost Ah oh I don't know that I... Well, F it. It doesn't matter. Plus we're all playing on a fresh server. I'm not playing Blizzard games, what the hell do I care? It doesn't matter to me.

My favorite was just everybody's playing on Sam was like, bro I'm going to play hard, I'm going hard mate. And then he made two characters to level 10 and then hasn't logged on. Yeah, no I mean but that's... Classic Sam move. Yeah, that's a solid Sam move. And then he made two characters to level 10 and then hasn't logged on. Yeah, no, I mean, but that's a solid Sam move. He'll play the first thing for like 15 hours straight and then never log back in. But that's the thing is like Sam and I'm trying to think of like that. I don't want to say tier, but the people who are like running eight hour streams every day, if not more, the amount of

games they plow through is so high that I couldn't fathom keeping up. Yeah, it's insane. Like I just couldn't do it. They go through so many games so quickly and it's like, alright, do you need to enjoy them? And I guess that is

their enjoyment. Who am I to judge? But still, it's not how I enjoy shit, so it always baffles me. I'm like, damn, okay. Yeah, it's too much for me. I couldn't do that. I would lose my mind and my health. That's what I think is crazy about watching sort of the higher tier. I think it was Pokimane.

Someone, like she took time off. Oh, yeah. She's like, I need it was Pokimane, someone, like, she took time off. Oh, yeah, I saw that. She's like, I need to take time off. And it's like, I mean, yeah, I understand, you know, the difference, and I mentioned this on the news show this past week, the difference is that she gets to come back to a huge audience. Most people who take time off, if they come back, they're starting over. And she's already a multi-millionaire.

Right, right, right Just like this whole ninja thing All the social media stuff He's gone from everything And for him leaving, it's a mystery What's he going to do next? Most people, if they did that, no one would care Plus he could literally leave forever

And be fine And be totally fine, absolutely The difference is, everyone goes through it but some people are better equipped on the back end to be like well you know what i don't have to go back if i don't want to so i can take time for myself yeah and they're like i don't have to stream as much i don't have to do these things like i'm just gonna you know do whatever it's like they i guess they can do it because they've set themselves up for that situation but most normal streamers like here's the streaming and youtube that's already a small

group of its own and then you have like the one percent of the one percent essentially they can like afford to do stuff like that like uh you know i mean i can take a break because i'm set to retire for me and my future generation. What's crazy is that that 1% is still, like, the 1%, because there's so many people. And I know it sounds crazy, but there's, like, millions of people streaming and making videos. And that 1%, everyone thinks, like, oh, they're making millions. No, that 1%, Cndor and i are in that one percent yeah we were in the top one percent but it does like that one percent's huge

but the one percent of the one percent is where the people are making money like big money so we get to like live a life and this is our job and it's great but neither crendor and I are like, well, if we quit, we can retire. No, I'd be broke real quick. Yeah. No, definitely could not do that. And that's the difference. Again, it's people. I still think back to my retail days. And I'm just like, man, I worked the Circuit City and Dick's Sporting Goods.

And I would never want to do that again. That's why some days you're just like, oh, man, do I want to stream? Do I want to do it? I'm like, yes. Yes, I do. Yep. I love it.

I love not having to be like, where do I put these tags on these shirts? And they're like, you idiot. You have to put the tags on it. And then someone goes, who works here? Is it you? Yeah, we're like, why is your why is everything broken and it's your fault and you're like

I don't know I just work here for like minimum wage and they're just like maybe if you weren't stupid like no thank you I so completely understand you having done that like I've worked in a movie theater I've worked at a grocery store I've worked at a I so completely understand you having done that.

Like, I've worked in a movie theater. I've worked at a grocery store. I've worked at a McDonald's. I've worked in, like, an apartment at the college that I went to. I worked at a radio station. Like, I was a teacher. Like, I've had jobs. I've mowed lawns. Like, I know what real work is.

And I recognize that what we're doing is so so fortunate work like i'm so lucky to do this that i have the most patience when it comes to people with real jobs like if i go to get coffee and like the two baristas are having a conversation i'm not going to be that asshole who's like, I will sit there politely and wait. Oh, yeah. Me too. I'm not going to be like, look, I get this is the only time during your day you get to have a real conversation.

Have fun. I don't even care. I'm not even in a hurry. Do your thing. Like, this does not affect me. Live your life. I'm going to sit here looking at your coffees. I may need some extra time.

So don't stress. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to be a dick because I understand that's a a hard-ass job like that's a job not many people want to do the other day at portillo's it was like it was packed and the guy there was like receipts coming out of the machine from online orders just like the guy was like just one second sir one second i gotta do this and it was like there's like five minutes gone by. And I was like waiting the order. And he's like, I'm so sorry.

And I'm like, I don't care, man. Just, you know, do what you got to do. There's like 10 people behind me. And there's like, dude, just, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, I don't care. Like, whatever. And he's like, oh my God, thank you for being so patient. I'm like, it's all good.

Yeah. I will never blame the employee. They're just doing their job trying to make it through the day and make a few bucks. When I was at the airport coming back from seeing you and the TSA guy was dealing with that family that didn't have their shit together.

It wasn't the TSA guy's fault. He's trying to deal with the fact that they don't know what they're doing. And he was like, I'm so sorry. It's like, don't stress it, bro. They should apologize to the 80 people in line behind them. Not you. He's like, I know. They're just going to get really upset.

He can tell that everyone's going to be mad at him now. Yeah. Don't yell at him. I'm not going to be the guy. Go yell at the owner guy, Bob Portillo or whatever, whoever owns all the Portillos living in his Portillo hot dog mansion. Yeah, that's the guy to yell at the owner guy, Bob Portillo or whatever, whoever owns all the Portillos living in his Portillo hot dog mansion. Yeah, that's the guy to yell at. The person making minimum wage, don't yell at them.

Come on. Yeah. Use your brain. Yeah, come on. Yeah, if you go to, like, any store, the person talking to you is not the person to get angry at if there's a problem. Trust me.

They're just doing their job, man. Yeah, it's crazy how much shit they deal with. I don't remember. I always tell these stories because I just love telling these stories. When I worked at Circuit City, I still remember. I worked there two weeks because I got remember. I worked there two weeks because my... Because I got hired. I keep forgetting all of your stories are based on two weeks. Here's the thing.

I got hired. I wanted to work at Best Buy, all right? I wanted to work at GameStop or Best Buy because I was a teenager and I was like, video games, electronics. And I got hired. And the day after they hired me, they were like, hey, we're going out of business. And I was like, okay. And they and they're like yeah we're liquidating we're only gonna be like a company for another couple weeks do you still want to work and i was like yeah you know what i'll work this will be fun and i don't even have to work that long i'll get some uh you know so then thank

god they were liquidated because that was those two weeks man i still remember the amount of the stories i accumulated in those two weeks was insane like i can only imagine the people that came in for like liquidation deals are gonna are probably some grade a content for this podcast oh yeah so it's probably been years since i've told this is like when we got like new members of the family or like whatever. You're like, let me tell you my story. You know how it is. Yeah. So there was the first one.

Okay. They're like, oh, you're going to be the greeter guy. So I'm the guy, you know, when you go somewhere, I'm like, hey, how's it going? And when you leave, I'm like, hey, I have a good one. That was me. So I'm just staying at the door. Some guy walks in. He's like, where do I take my laptop for the fire dog, which was like their geek squad.

And I was like, oh, you got to go over the fire dog area. Apparently fire dog already shut down. They were gone. And so the guy fire dog is the geek squad. Makes sense. Fire fire dog. That sucks, dude. That sucks.

So he's like walking around. This like girl that works there comes up to me. She's like, oh, God, that guy's freaking's like walking around this like girl that works there comes up me she's like oh god that guy's freaking out and i was like what and he's like yelling at the manager he's like i want my laptop fixed and they're like sir we can't fire dogs gone we can't take anything and then he was just like and i remember he's walking out i can imitate this because now i'm standing and he's just like and i was like hey have a good day and he goes fuck you whoa and he just walked out and i was like you too and then uh he was crazy and then someone was like do you think he's gonna come back do you think he's crazy and i was like i don't know i mean he's got to get access to his porn somehow yeah that guy that seems like a dude who's like there's so many videos on there.

A hundred percent. So that was one. Then we had this old woman with Kung Fu Panda. I swear to God this is my favorite one. So Kung Fu Panda just came out. Oh yes. And she's like I'm you. Do you have Kung Fu Panda?

And I was like no we don't. And she's like well why don't you Fu Panda? And I was like, no, we don't. And she's like, well, why don't you have it? It's a new movie. And I was like, we're going out of business. And she's like, why? And I'm like, because we don't get new products. We're going out of business. So why would we get new products?

And she's like, I bet Best Buy would have it. And I was like, I bet they would. They're not going out of business. And then she was like, well, maybe that's why why i guess i'll take my business to best buy and i'm like dude i'm probably gonna go to best buy too soon all right i don't give a shit yeah like all right so that was that lady then this other woman comes in she's like i want to buy an iphone or no it's an ipod touch whatever the ipods were the ipod touch and there was like a 8 and a 16 gigabyte or a 4 and an 8 i don't know back when their memory was low

and there she was like what's the difference between the 4 gigabyte and the 8 gigabyte and i was like 4 gigabytes and she was like okay that's very funny mr Mr. Smarty Pants. And I was like, what? Like, I guess she thought I said it sarcastically. Maybe I did. You know. I was just like, that's literally the difference. It's four gigabytes. And she was like, all right. I was like, okay.

I just walked away back to my front of the store desk where I just stood there. And oh my God, I remember one time i was supposed to be doing something but i didn't care so i was just walking around and i was like i was supposed to be to you i mean it was it was shutting down so what the hell yeah so i remember there was this guy and his kid and i I was walking around, so I was like, hey, can I help you with anything? And he was like, yeah, I need a router. I need a router. Yep, I need a router.

I need a router. And I was like, holy shit. I was like, let me have a kind of router. And his kid with him looked just scared. So obviously, this guy is cracked out. He's on cocaine. I don't know what he's snorting. He needs a router.

He needs a router he needs a router i need a router all right i'm like oh i use this one at home uh it's pretty good and he's like lynx this lynx is yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know about that you got like a tech guy you got somebody i can talk to i don't know if you got like a tech guy and i was like uh i was like this guy's crazy so i was like yeah go talk to that guy that's pointed him like some random other employee he's like all, all right, yeah. Those are all the stories I can remember off the top of my head. So it was a great time.

What's crazy about that is the lady who doesn't understand iPod touches, I can understand. The guy who's angry about his computer not being able to access his porn. I can understand. Right. But what's weird to me is the fact that a dude who knew enough to know that he doesn't like Linksys routers. Yeah. Was like, give me router advice. Do you have a tech guy? Like, bro, you clearly know what you're looking for. Yeah. It was a weird experience.

And then there was, I remember some old lady came in wanting her like antenna for the tv she didn't want cable something like that what antenna for the what year was this it's 2009 8 do they still broadcast over i mean they must somewhere right i think it was when they're forcing you to, like, they were taking away free TV, and you had to buy an antenna to keep it or something like that. Right, yes. You had to buy that, like, yeah, I do remember that shit.

Yeah, it was like that. So she was just like, I have to get this antenna back. I used to watch every channel on the television. I plugged it in. Now I can't just plug it in. I have to run. I was like, I don't know. I didn't do it. Yes.

Oh, I do remember that bullshit. Yes. Wow. That was a while ago. 2009-ish. And then I worked at Dick's Sporting Goods. Would not recommend. I can imagine everyone there.

Sporting goods. Would not recommend. I can imagine everyone there. My imagination is 20% of the people at Dick's Sporting Goods are buying athletic equipment for their kids. 20% are like runners slash like workout enthusiasts. Yeah. And 60% are like wannabe outdoorsman hunter types. Yes.

You also miss the golfers. I always forget the golfers. You know what? I'll say 10% are golfers. But no matter what, the large majority are like dudes who want to buy a camo jacket so they can go pretend they're hunters. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they did have the big

hunting fishing section they had the we had the big golfing section i'd practice putting occasionally you know what you might as well if you're gonna be there with all that stuff you might as well yeah so it was though honestly the worst part of working there was the fellow employees i remember this you don't seem like you would be like chill with the jockish types that would be there no like i could talk sports with them but i don't want to like get to know them and so i was like uh especially not back then when i was like nerdy like world warcraft now i'm like yo man world of warcraft you know uh i'm'm more chill.

I can talk more about whatever. But there was this one dude bro there, and he was very clearly trying to be like, hey, it's the new guy. He can do stuff I don't want to do. And so he was like, hey, they told me that you have to get that bike down from up there. And I was like, why would they say that?

And he's like, somebody wanted it. I'm like, why can't you do it? And he's like, oh, they just told me you have to do it. And I was like, I weigh like 100 pounds, dude. Like, I'm not going to go up there and get that bike. I don't even think I can pick it up. And he was like, oh, no, you might get fired. And I was like, okay, I'll get fired.

And then he walked away. And I'm like, I'm not gonna go pick get a bike off the top thing when i know i can't pick it up because i'm a stick that was a uh i'm gonna say young crendor was a ballsy crendor oh i was i was a little shit kid no comment no comment oh yeah um 100 just go watch my old youtube video you i don't believe it yeah so it was uh i don't know but i was also very socially awkward at the same time well so it's just it was really unbelievable uh but yeah, then that happened. Then I remember I was like, oh, we had to put these rubber band price tags on the winter coats. So each coat needed a price tag.

But we already had them in like a big section. So I was like, why do we even need to put price tags on them? Because they're already in the section. We already know what they're going to be. And they were like, that's just how things work. Which I hate that answer all the time. It's like when you're a kid and they're just like, do i gotta learn this in school like you just do it's one of those things that it's the answer given by people who have no control over the situation you know what i mean the only time that i would truly question it is my parents

would be like well that's just the way it is i'm like but why you're in charge you make the call here why is that why did you just at a business if someone's like well that's just the way it is i'm like oh you were told that and so that's the why it's the way it is gotcha okay yeah understood i when it comes to to this kind of stuff i always think about my friend from high school one of my good friends when i was teaching i finally like met up with him after years and years and years and years and he worked as a manager at a circuit city and he was so pleased that he was like the highest level manager you could be at a circuit city and i always wonder what happened to him because i remember when all

the circuit city shut down yeah And he was like so happy. He was actually making bank. He was doing good. But I wonder where that led him. You know what I mean? Because they shut down. There is not a Circuit City to be found. You don't have to tell me.

I lived there. Well, so did he. So I'm very curious. Did he end up at like a Dick's Sporting Goods? I have no idea. Who knows? Who knows? And, yeah, I up at Dick's Sporting Goods? I have no idea. Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, I mean, Dick's Sporting Goods.

I actually ended up getting fired from that job. You? No, what? Probably because they were like, you should have put that shit up there. We told you to do it. You didn't do it. No, it was I got the schedule mixed up, and I was supposed to come in a day, and I didn't realize it. And then I was like, uh-oh, I was supposed to come in a day and I didn't realize it. And then I was like, oh, I was supposed to go in the work on that day.

And then I was like, what did they something happen? Then they were like, you just don't have to come in ever again. And I was like, nice. Yes. Hell yes. This is awesome. Yeah. So, yeah, I learned very quickly that I thought it'd be fun working in a sporting goods store

and it was just retail with a sports mascot. Oof. And then I worked in a grocery store for two days. Grocery store? Hardest work I've ever done. Actually, you know what? I think it was one day. One of the hardest

I stocked groceries overnight For Man I'm gonna say maybe a full year Maybe it was just A semester of school it was such It was like hard labor It might have been a summer and then one semester of school Yeah

I was not a fan It was fine stocking shelves is whatever But it is overnight. So you were just like, it is grueling because it feels way worse. But I will say the overnight crew was like myself, three dudes who definitely were, I'm going to say, on the run from the law at some point. One guy who always had like four cigarettes all the time. And then one guy who looked

like he definitely was this is how I get out of the house and away from mother. Oh yeah. Yep. It was a crazy crew. They were all wild. Oh and then the one girl who had no business being there. Like I don't know what she was doing there. I don't know what was going on in her life.

She looked like she was 12. It was so weird. We were like, okay. I'm telling you, it was crazy. She said she was almost 30, but she looked like she was 12. And I'm not going to question it, but I also was like, this is weird. And they'd always put her on the cosmetic area. Like, she'd be, like, restocking deodorants and stuff.

Meanwhile, they stuck my ass with, like, cereals. I was doing aisles. They wouldn't let me near, like, all the cool stuff. So I'd have to line up the cereals. I mean, cereal sounds all right. It was fine. It was just a lot of little tiny boxes that you had to rip open instead of cut. Because they're glued shut.

That sucked. I know they gave it to me because they were like, let him. I was like, okay, cool. Thanks, guys. You were the guy with the bike. They wanted you to get the bike down from i was the new guy yeah you're absolutely right they gave me the shit job yeah i showed up and was like cool there was we never had a new employee come from the i'm gonna

say potentially six to twelve months that i worked there we never had a new employee it was the same people every night it was crazy did you like talk to everybody or like did you like what we got there we all sat around because we had to arrive an hour before the store closed although it didn't close it was 24 hours but they did a soft close where they only had one lane open one checkout lane open and then like random creeps would like be in the store at like 4 a.m or whatever but other than that it was just us and we'd arrive early and sit in like the break room area. We'd clock in. And, you know, the four cigarette guy would smoke his four cigarettes.

And then the girl who looked like she was 12 would like read a magazine that looked like it was for kids. And we were like, okay. And then the three dudes who looked like they were on the run from the law would all have crazy stories about the other jobs they had. And we'd all listen to them. And then me, I was just a college kid. This was like, I think, junior or senior year of college so like it was whatever i was just there to earn some extra money and i had no life experience or stories i was like i'll

take a test in the morning so what i do is i would straight up go to the store. Get home, shower, go to class, come home from class, go to bed. Wake up, go back to the store. Huh. Yeah. I literally worked at a grocery store for a day, went through training. There was a bunch of other kids, like, going to work at the grocery store. The guy was like, so anybody here ever fly

in a plane? And at that point, I never did, and everybody raised their hand, and then I didn't. And he's like, what? You haven't flown on a plane? And then I was like, haha, yeah, I never did and everybody raised their hand and then i didn't and he's like what you haven't flown on a plane and then i was like haha yeah i have so i raised my hand even though i didn't i was like ah geez this is embarrassing um and then they were like yeah you're just gonna work here it's fun and i was like i don't know how to do this and that's when i signed with machinima and i remember the next day I was like, hey, I'm quitting. They're like, you've been here a day. And I'm like, yep, I'm quitting.

I'm going to work on the internet. And then I remember leaving the store. And the security guard was like, you quitting? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to work on the internet. And he goes, that's the future. Hell yes, it is. That was it. That was the end of retail.

Never looked back. 13 years later, I just get flashbacks. I'm like, nope. You're living the dream. That was it. That was the end of retail. Never look back 13 years later. I just get flashbacks. I'm like, nope. You're living the dream. Can't stop. So I have no segue for this, but I just want to tell you this story because it happened this week and it was very funny. I would say, what day? September 1st.

So whatever day that was. This past week. This is when I wrote the note. I wrote this at 9 a.m. is when I wrote this note. So I go to this bagel place every single, I don't know, at least once a week, right? I was about to say every single week, but I don't know if that's true.

So I'll say, you know, frequently. Yeah. Whenever I go there, I order, they have this thing called a BLTCC. It's bacon, lettuce, tomato with cream cheese. I don't get the cream cheese. I'm not like a huge cream cheese guy. I love cream cheese. I mean, I'm fine with cream cheese, but the problem is most bagel places give you a lot, and I don't like a lot of cream cheese. I'm not like a huge cream cheese guy. I love cream cheese. I mean, I'm fine with cream cheese, but the problem is most bagel places give you a lot,

and I don't like a lot of cream cheese. I'm not a big... Yeah, that's true. So I was like, yeah, can you just hold the cream cheese, just a BLT bacon lettuce tomato on a jalapeno bagel, please? And they're like, sure thing. So they make me that, and as I'm waiting, this is what I wrote down. I wrote down in capital letters,

whoa. So you know shit's about to go crazy. I'm the only one in there. I'm alone. There's some dudes out, I will say when I got there, this is how, I love LA. This is the most LA thing I've ever seen. Three dudes, look like construction workers, are inside the bagel place when I get there and the lady behind the counter is like, all right, I got three plain bagels, extra toasted. And they're like, hey, thank you. They go outside. And as they're outside, they open up another bag that's filled with empanadas.

And so they're just eating bagels and empanadas at like 9 a.m. I'm like, yeah, this is L.A. shit. So that's what I walked into. But anyway, I'm sitting there waiting for my bagel, and this lady walks in, and the best way I can describe her is she is in a giant red fur coat with a shower cap on

and blue sweatpants that look like, she looks like every chain smoker you've ever seen in your entire life they're right except she's like blue sweats and this like big red fur coat and a shower cap yeah and she walks up to the counter she's like do you have a plant stick spoon the lady's like i'm sorry she's like, you have a plastic spoon She's like, we have plastic spoons, yes She goes, plastic? You have a plastic spoon? She's like, I assume you mean plastic She goes, I'll take whatever you have

And like, I was like, whoa, first off What did she mean? What did she think she meant? What is a plastic spoon? She may be onto something Plastic spoon What does that mean? It is a plant stick spoon she may be onto something plant stick spoon what does that mean it is a thing that doesn't exist all right well to her it does and the fact that like at first i was like oh she's just she just mispronounced it that's fine no she wanted

a plant stick spoon and more importantly when someone's when the lady behind the counter said we only have plastic she's like fine, fine, I'll take that. Like, what? So anyway, she takes the plastic spoon and then she leaves the building and as she's leaving, she holds the spoon up to her mouth and goes, I got it.

I'm on my way. I was like, what? So. Wait, hold on. So she like. As she's leaving, she turns to leave, holds this like black plastic spoon up to her mouth and goes, I got it. I'm on my way.

Like she's talking into it. I don't know. It's what it appeared to be to me that she was talking into it. Like it was a microphone and she said, I got it. I'm on my way. But she could have been talking to something else i don't know and it was just like where she placed the spoon so i have no clue i have no clue i thought like oh well that was such a weird experience i guess she's gone waited for my bagel

i walk up they're like hey i got that blt i, turn to leave, and she's sitting outside on a stool. And she's sitting there, and on the ground in front of her is a cup of milk. And she's using the spoon to scoop up the milk. What? Wait for it. And as she does, she goes, Gotta get it before they do. What?

I got no more answers than you have. She was sitting there on like a stool in the middle of this like area. And there was a cup of milk, which appeared to be in a Starbucks cup. And she was using the spoon to scoop out the milk and she was going gotta get it before they do. So, who do you think they are, number one? Would the plan stick spoon

and would the plan stick spoon have prevented it from being gotten by them? Maybe that's the whole thing. The plant stick spoon have prevented it from being gotten by them? Maybe that's the whole thing. The plant stick spoon would have helped her get that milk faster probably. Yeah. And now she's like, I got to get it before they do. So she's really struggling to get that milk down.

Now, mind you, it was in a cup. She could have just drank it. But the crazy thing was is I made sure to look. It was not cereal. It was just milk in a cup. Huh. Yep. I mean, interesting.

The best part is, is she was sitting on a little stoop next to the three guys, the three construction workers who were eating their empanadas and bagels. The three guys, the three construction workers who were eating their empanadas and bagels and neither interacted, but it was both together the most L.A. thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Like that scene was a perfect summation of L.A. Like people trying to get off of their business while at the same time eating bagels and empanadas and then like a lady in a red fur coat eating like a bowl of milk with a spoon, and being like, gotta get it before they do. Yeah. I was like, oh, okay. I remember where I live. Again, who do you think they are?

I don't know. I couldn't even begin to guess. I couldn't even guess who they are. The milk goblins. The milk goblins the milk goblins makes sense like she's working with the government through the spoon because she got the spoon and to stop milk goblins from getting the milk well obviously yeah i mean everybody knows milk goblins take your milk if you don't have a plastic or a plastic spoon available uh to get it And if you're just trying to drink that milk straight from the cup, good luck. It's gone.

Yeah, before you get it to your lips, it'll be gone. It'll be gone. I just picture them. They're just like one foot tall. They just come out of nowhere. They're just like, and they just chug it down and they run away. Yeah, they're like really evil Oompa Loompas.

Yeah, but even smaller. Right, like even really evil Oompa Loompas. Yeah, but even smaller. Right, like even smaller than Oompa Loompas. They like scurry out, grab your milk, drink it real quick, and then run away. And they've probably evolved for like ideal milk drinking purposes. So they've just got like, I don't know what, they've just got like ears for like hearing the sound of milk sloshing around. Their eyes can like see milk from miles away. Their mouths are like that Mario Birdo, where they just suck up milk really quick.

They probably just look like mini Birdos, honestly. Yeah, they're little tiny Birdos. They run around, grab it. Little tiny pink critters, grabbing it, putting it down their snoot. They run off yeah yeah so i mean she's right but for some reason the plastic plant stick spoons prevent them they're like garlic the vampires oh yeah that's why plastic was like whatever she she'd make do but plant stick that's what stops them you You got to have a plant stick spoon.

You got to have it. Yeah, so that's pretty fun. Yep, yep, that was pretty fun. Well, you know what else is fun? What? Learning a second language thanks to Babbel. Hey, for all of you going out there this summer, as it winds down, as, you know, my goodness, it's almost done. Aren't we just like, isn't tomorrow the last, technically last summer day?

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quality, delicious meat and seafood that you can trust, 100% grass-fed beef, free range organic chicken, wild caught, all the good stuff that you want, and you're humanely raised. Meats and seafoods, let me tell you, ButcherBox is the place to be. It's the ultimate convenience. You get it delivered right to your doorstep. Free shipping in the continental U.S. They got so many plants to choose from, variety boxes, curated, customized options, whatever you want. Crandor and I both know, got those butcher boxes. They were delicious. They were.

Love me some good meats. One of the meats I loved the most in my box was I got a ton of chicken. It was so good. And now, my oh my, you can get chicken, two pounds of free range organic chicken breast for free with every order you get. And that is for a year. Oh, my God. For a year you get that free chicken.

I would grill that up. Oh, my God. I'd put my sauces on it. It'd be delicious. Burgers, steaks. I'm trying to, like, ribs, pork. Like, so much good stuff was in there. They even had chicken strips.

They even had chicken strips. Cook those up. Delicious. And more importantly, I'm a huge fan of the convenience of it all. It just showed up. The taste was exactly what I was expecting. It wasn't like, you know, weird. It was weird meat.

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Whoa, out there. Oh boy, hold on. We're going to lower the desk of the chapter copter. Chapter copter desk is lowering. It's going down. It's yelling timber. Alright, now I can see the traffic Now that I'm in the chapter copter At a lower level So it looks like there is some traffic

A lot of cars And yes Back to you Thanks buddy Alright, let's go to weather Welcome to the weather desk. Hi. Let's see.

We've got a weather suggestion I found for... Where was it? Can you do the weather for my hometown of Leicester, Massachusetts? Cherry Valley. Home to the oldest Quaker cemetery in the country nicknamed Spider Gates. It is said to be the entrance of the eighth gate to hell, which it isn't, but it's still cool.

The town also has hot dog annies and the local drive-ins, which is owned by a really nice old couple. All right, here's the thing. I would say Quaker Cemetery being a gateway to hell was silly and ridiculous, and I was going to do a whole thing about looking into it and finding information about it and what a cool thing that would be. I would love to see that cemetery, but then you said hot dog Annie's, and I have diverted completely to hot dog Annie's, and I am totally here.

Whoa. All right, hold on. This isn't the history segment. This is the weather segment, all right? Two hot dog Annie's, and I am totally here. Whoa. All right, hold on. This isn't the history segment. This is the weather segment, all right? All right, I'm just saying hot dog Annie's looks amazing. All right, hold on. We got to do weather.

I'm going to let Woppy do it. Woppy activated. 70 degrees, Leicester, Massachusetts. Partly cloudy. Day 84. Night 64. Rain possible after 7 a.m. morning 65 afternoon 64 evening 62 overnight 67 humidity 93 pressure 30.1 inches. Visibility, 10 miles. Wind, 5 miles per hour. Sunrise, 6, 16 a.m. Sunset, 7, 14 p.m.

UV index, 0. Dewpoint, 68. Moon phase, waxing gibbous. Dende. Dende. Monday, 66. Rain. Tuesday, 62uesday 62 rain wednesday partly cloudy 69 nice thursday 73 partly cloudy friday 78 sunny saturday 79 mostly sunny sunday 79 partly cloudy 79, Bartley, Cloudy. Yeah.

You all right? That guy, he okay? He's rusty still. It's either you use him too much, he breaks down. You don't use him enough, he breaks down. I don't know what's going on. Technology, am I right? Crazy.

Hot Dog. Hot Dog Annie's. Hot Dog Annie's looks like A place you would see in a Hallmark movie Where like a woman from the big city Returns home And finds love again after a big divorce And it's called like Holiday Heart Matchers I don't know

It looks like that It looks like a little cabin A red ass Christmas cabin And it has hot dogs for like a dollar. Oh, yeah. This place is crazy. This place is crazy. Look at that.

The best part is the hot dogs look exactly like a hot dog you could just make at home, which I think is the charm, which I'm convinced is the charm of it. That's what people want. They're just like, I want a homemade hot dog, but I'm not at home right now. And they're like, hey, you know what? We got you covered. Plus they have potato chips from a company. Wasachusett.

I've never, Wasachusett, never heard of it. That's got to be a Massachusetts thing. What's crazy is that the potato chips look like if you were going to go to like a pet store and buy your pet like a fake potato chip thing to like munch on. You know what I mean? It looks like that. It doesn't look real. Yeah.

But I guess that's what happens when you can buy potato chips for super cheap. Like a bag of potato chips here. What's so crazy? A bag of potato chips is a dollar. A hot dog is $1.55. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're right. Hamburgers are $2.50.

This place is trapped in a time period that doesn't exist. You can get four hot dogs with barbecue for $5.45? No, is that $6.40? Whatever it is. That's a great deal. They have a hot dog Annie's soda. Hot dog Annie's cream soda, hot dog Annie's root beer. Amazing.

You know they're just selling root beer and cream soda? That's all they have. Whoa. Oh, they have other beverages. I can see Coke and Pepsi, but they don't have the custom made sodas like those ones. They accept cash only. This is that place. Oh, wow.

When you go to the register, all the chips are just like still in the boxes. Oh, my God. I haven't been to one of these like hole in the wall places since I lived in the Midwest. This is such a small town thing. I love this kind of stuff. Oh, yeah. This is great. these like hole-in-the-wall places since i lived in the midwest this is such a small town thing i love this kind of stuff oh yeah this is great i remember they have true moo milk all the old true milk true milk right oh yeah oh my god this is i love this i'm so jealous yeah this what's even funnier is this guy This one dude said got my dinner

His dinner consists of Two bags of chips One hamburger One Pepsi And what appears to be six hot dogs My man going hard That man loves his hot dogs What's crazy is across the street

Is a farm with a bunch of cows That checks out I love this I love this hot dogs. What's crazy is across the street is a farm with a bunch of cows. That checks out. I love this. I love this. I need to find what else is here. If there's like farms and stuff. Hot dog

Annie's appears to be in the middle of nowhere. Holy crap. If you look at the map, it is the closest restaurant. Oh, I will say. Oh, it's very close to the Quaker Cemetery. You can go to the Quaker Cemetery, see hell, come back. You can actually fly into the Worcester Regional Airport, jump off the plane, go to the Quaker Cemetery, get yourself some lunch, then go down to what is this pink work boot co

pink work boot co it is another incredibly charming like cake or e i think it's actually someone's home it probably is it looks like someone's home but they make cakes And sell cakes out of their home Oh my god Sometimes living in the big city I miss That the rest of the world is so cute I know I love that Yeah I like that charm

Obviously big city's got all their Crazy stuff But you need your little hot dog stain Yeah hell yeah The farmhouse diner Oh my god is this place All their crazy stuff. But, you know, you need your little hot dog stain. Yeah, hell yeah. The Farmhouse Diner. Oh, my God. Is this place what?

Yes. It looks like it's stuck in 1962. Yep. Whoa. Yo, I will say, I was like, all right, some of it looks good. But then I saw the pancakes. Those pancakes look fire. Those pancakes look like some grandma made those pancakes. She probably did.

Yo, this guy is making a fried peanut butter banana sandwich. Get out of town. Fried peanut butter banana? Oh my God. It's a fried peanut butter banana sandwich. Oh my God. I'm going to let you know, the photo they took, it's like two pieces of

Texas toast looking things with banana and peanut butter. But the peanut butter is like over the edge onto the griddle. Oh, my God. It looks dangerous. That looks so good. Oh, man. See, you can find stuff like this in L.A., but it's hard to find it near me. I got to go into sort of – I got to go like downtown L.A. I got to go into downtown LA.

I got to go pretty far to find crazy stuff. Never mind. Never mind. Immediately, I was like, oh, wow, this is so quaint. No, this is a lie. Dunkin' Donuts, Good Guys Pizza, Subway. Never mind. It's all pretty much the same.

You always got to have those. This reminds me 100% of living in the Midwest where it's like, yeah, what kind of food you got? You can go out and get something fancy at Applebee's. Yep. Or it's like, if you're really fancy, go to the old town diner and it's just like normal diner food. Yes. For us in Oakwood, it was like, go to the Oakwood Club or the Pine Club. There were two clubs in our town that were like old shitty steakhouses that people would always go to because it was like, everyone's gone there since 1932.

It's not worth it. It's too expensive. Only other options were like, I guess we could go to Applebee's or that one, like Chi Chi's at the time, or that one place that wasn't Olive Garden but definitely was like barely better. You know what I mean? Like, you know, that's all we had. And then half of those went out of business. Yeah, that sounds about right. But then I moved to New York.

So then after that, I was like, I'm good. Yeah, which, speaking of, we're going to be going to our fancy Alinea thing. Oh my God, yes, we made reservations in October. I found it. I was like, let's do it, let's go, and we're doing it. It's going to be great. It's happening. I can't wait to talk about that.

It's going to be cool. You've only heard it from my perspective, and now you get to experience it yourself. And chances. When did you go? Oh, it was like a year and a half ago in May. Right, but like what season was it? Oh, May. So it was like spring, summer. So we're getting the fall.

Yeah, we're getting like a, this is probably going to be a heartier feast. Oh, yeah. This is going to be good. This is going to be good. This is going to be super fun. I imagine it's going to be more like meaty than I think so, because when we went to it was like a Hawaiian theme they're doing. So it's right.

Like summery. So, oh, man, it's going to probably give us some like soups or something. What if it's what if it's a Halloween theme? Oh, my God. That'd be. Oh, my God. That'd be amazing. Oh, yeah.

It's good. So that's like in a little over a month. Yeah. I'm excited for that. Oh, yeah. It's going to be good. That's like in a little over a month. Yeah. I'm excited for that. Oh, yeah. That's going to be good. I'm very excited. I'm making the trip just for this.

Honestly, this is – what was that? That was like Michelin star thing. It was like if it's three Michelin stars, it's worth making a trip to just go to it. And me, I'm just – I'm ready to go back. I still think about that meal. I'm excited for this. This is write-offable content. Oh, yeah.

I would be like, dear accountant taxman, I would like. This is an ultimate business dinner. Yeah, this is it. All we have to do is at one point during this dinner be like, let's make a good podcast segment. Done. Oh, yeah. We a good podcast segment. Done. Oh, yeah. We're in the clear. I mean, no.

We're talking about doing it for a podcast. We're going to talk there. Everything about this is business. Yeah. 100%. Really? That's actually not even like a goof. I would not be doing this if it wasn't for the fact that I could then come back on this podcast and talk about it.

I understand that. And I love it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm here for it. And that's the weather. All right, let's go to sports. Sports.

Sports desk, here we are. Here we are. Sports. Sports. All right, so it looks like Florida State beat LSU at football, according to the homepage of ESPN. State beat LSU at football, according to the homepage of ESPN. It looks like the, we'll throw in some other sports here.

The Aces beat the Storm in the WNBA semifinals to go up 2-1. I did my fantasy football draft tonight. Think I did pretty well. Aaron Judge hit his 53rd home run, which is actually kind of insane. Not many people go over 50 home runs in a season. And with that, the Yankees are in first place, five games above the Rays, six above the Blue Jays. The Guardians and the Twins are tied in first in the Central with the White Sox two behind.

That's a wild division. You got the Astros in first of the West. You got the Mets in first with the Braves only a game behind. You got the Cardinals in first of the west you got the mets in first with the braves only a game behind you got the cardinals in first and the dodgers in first but the wild card uh you got mariners raised blue jays with the orioles only two and a half back and then you got braves padres phillies with the brewers two and a half back uh and then football, football starts up on Thursday night. I'm excited. It's bad. Boy, for realsies.

For realsies, we got the Rams taking on the Bills, which should be a good game. Now that the Bills are actually good at football. And then Sunday is when it all kicks off. So it's going to be great. And I'm excited because the Packers don't play until 325 p.m., so I don't have to wake up at noon because, you know, I wake up at like 1230. Which, you know, it's not too bad.

Right, sure. Comparatively to some of my older sleep schedules. I did the thing. Like, I settled. I was like, listen, I'm not going to try to change it. I go to bed like 430, wake up 1230. You shouldn't have to. Yeah, like, listen, I'm not going to try to change it. I go to bed like 4.30, wake up 12.30. You shouldn't have to. Yeah, you just sleep, whatever. And then I'm excited

for basketball to start up in another month or so. And hockey also starts up in a month. So we're hitting that point where it's almost going to be all four sports going at once. And I love that. That's my favorite time of the sports year. I love sports. All right. What is our fact of the day? Fact of the sports year. I love sports. All right.

What is our fact of the day? Fact of the day is a good one. Okay. Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins can. What? Why? What? By slowing their heart rates.

Are there rates? By slowing their heart rates, sloths can hold their breath for up to 40 minutes. Dolphins need to come up for air after about 10 minutes. But wait, why? And what reason do they have to do this?

I don't actually know. Well, you can't just... For what purpose? That's all it said. Okay. Sloths can hold its breath for 40 minutes underwater. Oh, for going underwater. Maybe it's because they move so slow. They need to hold their breath underwater, so they've just evolved super lungs.

Yeah, maybe that's honestly it. They're just so slow. They're just like, look, we've got to hold our breath for a while, because this is going to take a long time. But it also says they can swim three times faster than they can walk. So they can actually swim pretty fast. But maybe that's still pretty slow. But, I mean, they walk pretty slow, right?

Yeah. They can hold their breath a long time. Interesting. I mean, I guess that makes sense. I never would have thought of it, though. You know what I mean? Yeah. Also, by the way, we got the Crensloth funded and then some.

Yo, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Everybody's been getting their Crensloths that ordered one. So thank you for ordering one if you did. That's your fact of the day. All right. What is our big news story of the day?

Big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. This is a Cox and Crandler story if I've ever seen one. Oh, boy. Here we go. Man in pumpkin boat paddles 38 miles down Missouri River in attempt to beat world record. I mean, I need answers. I'm hoping that the pumpkin boat bit is an actual boat that's a pumpkin. I mean, I need answers. I'm hoping that the pumpkin boat bit is an actual

boat that's a pumpkin. I just sent it to you. Oh my god. It is indeed. It is a pumpkin. It is indeed a pumpkin called the SS Bertha. Bertha? Whatever it is. Bertha. While most typically celebrate their birthdays with cake and song, one man focused on a giant pumpkin and the Guinness World Record.

Nebraska resident Dwayne Hanson celebrated his 60th birthday by paddling a hollowed-out 846-pound pumpkin down the Missouri River. 846 pounds. I mean, it was hauling out though, right? Yeah. That's still insane. I guess buoyancy. I mean, like.

It's just a big pumpkin. I mean, yeah. It's interesting. That's what he was like. That's what I'm doing with this pumpkin. Yeah. I'm going to boat. Hoping to beat the previous record for the longest journey by pumpkin,

he asked officials from the city of Bellevue to witness the endeavor. The first Guinness World Record for this act was set with a 15-mile trek in Washington. Rick Swenson beat this in a gourd of his own with a 25.5-mile ride down the Red River in 2016. Hanson thus endeavored to paddle his pumpkin for 38 miles from Bellevue's public boat dock to Nebraska City. Hanson left at around 7.30 a.m. and arrived at 6.30 p.m.

with a passion for gardening inspiring him to do so. Quote, Mr. Hanson is a longtime Nebraska resident who enjoys growing large pumpkins, gourds, and other vegetables as a hobby. He came up with this idea when visiting Ohio and seeing another person attempt to set this record, which is currently right around 30 miles. Lisa Rybar and myself agreed to take on this task, which we originally thought was to float an 800-pound pumpkin for over 30 miles down the river.

Added the Post, it wasn't until later in the conversation that we realized that Mr. Hanson Did he like switch out? Did he have drinks that he like switched out? from land, though some did trail behind him in an actual boat just in case something went wrong. Did he like switch out? Did he have drinks that he like switched out? I guess. Or he just had one big thermos. I mean, how this is amazing. Like this is I know this is silly, but I'm mesmerized by the fact this was something a human being

was like, this is what I'm doing. This actually is pretty crazy. Many said, quote, oh, I know, they said, Hanson surpassed the 25.5 mile record just before 3 p.m., nearly four hours before he arrived in Nebraska City. Guinness World Record spokesman Kyle Galloway

told CNN they've since received his application, which will likely see Hanson crowned with the bizarre title. Quote, they say if you stay in your job long enough to, if you stay in your job long enough, you might see just about everything, and this morning was one of those days. I mean, I think it's a pretty good thing to see. I'm not going to lie.

I'm, like, mesmerized by this. I think this is so silly, but, like, the kind of thing we need right now, you know what I mean? We need more people being like, F it. I'm going to ride a pumpkin down a river. Yeah. Damn right.

Damn right. Yeah, we need more pumpkin boats. I'd be fine if 80% of all boats were pumpkins. I'm not going to lie. 100%. I feel like that would change the world. I agree. So, yeah, that's the big news story of the day. All right, well, that is it for us.

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Shake the Rhino. To be continued.