Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 371 - Not One, But Two Nic Cages

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

The boys are back and this time Jesse brings another tale of the intersection of doom! Meanwhile Crendor is more interested in the ins and outs of Final Fantasy XIV home ownership. But that doesn't stop Jesse from teaching how tobassco is made and Crendor obsessing over small Maine towns. This of course leads to looking up what their youtube feed says they should watch - and eventually to a hotdog man. It's just another episode of Cox n' Crendor. Go to http://hellofresh.com/cox21 and use code cox21 for 21 free meals plus free shipping! Go to http://meundies.com/crendor to get 20% off your first order and free US shipping.

Today's episode is brought to you by me undies, me undies are the undies that I have on me. Also today we're brought to you by HelloFresh. HelloFresh is getting those good meals delivered right to your home. Let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live!

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What was that? Just, you know, I'm not even trying to guess. What was that supposed to be? I don't know. It was just me doing that. It wasn't supposed to be anything. Was it like you underwater? If you had to, like, fill the imagination of the audience, what were you doing right there? You want me to tell you what I was actually doing?

No, like, you know, magically. What was happening? In that scenario you created. Probably some sort of teleportation, but not very far away, like a 10-foot teleportation. So you teleported either further or away from the microphone? Yes.

Or were you doing multiple little micro-teleportationsations which is why it just sounded like like what was got what was happening yes great all right i'm glad we had the discussion um what i was actually doing was i was holding my mustache and going with my lip right yeah i mean as one does when introducing a show you're correct, yeah. I don't know why I did it. It doesn't make any sense. That's why I... I don't know either.

That's why I asked. How's it going? Well, it's going fine. This week was a huge week for me. I'm finally a homeowner. Big time. Big time homeowner in Final Fantasy XIV, baby. me i'm finally a homeowner big time big time homeowner in final fantasy 14 baby

my long this long national nightmare has ended took me 270 days but i finally got one we're in there baby yeah video games um the intersection of doom once again, rears its ugly head, but this time hilariously. So, all right, hold on. I've been saving the story all week. Cause it blew my mind. We need to hold it. Everybody's they're they're hooked now. They can't leave.

Okay. I want to go back one second. Like everyone has been saying like, Jesse got his house. Jesse got his house, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know the process of getting a house, but I assume it's like very difficult. So I just want to know. Originally, way back in the day, and back in the day, I mean, before I played the game,

the way it worked in Final Fantasy XIV in order to get a house is there would be lots, and then you would buy the lots whenever they become available. And so the problem was is that people would, you know, if someone left the game and their house became available, there was a certain amount of time before you could click buy. So a bunch of people would show up at the board and just start, you know, it was like whoever could get it first. So it would be like a long, crazy wait.

It was kind of the vibe of like old MMORPGs where you'd farm like a dragon. You know what I mean? Right. It's like, it's going to take 16 hours, but one of us is going to get it. That kind of thing. Yeah. And everyone hated it. Everyone said it was the worst system.

So the devs said, okay, we'll make a slightly less worse system, but one that still sucks. Which is now every, it's like four days on four days off or maybe it's five days on five, whatever the case may be. Every so many days, every available house becomes up for bidding. Right. Right. And it's like, okay, so a small house is maybe 3 million and a medium house is maybe 20 million and a large house is, I don't know, 50 million.

Right. And are they just houses that go like abandoned or something uh well yeah if you don't enter your house at least once every 30 days you lose it oh okay i see so sometimes they go abandoned sometimes people switch servers sometimes people quit but lately because there's so many people playing they had to add a bunch of new houses. This time around, they added multiple new wards of houses. I think it was like 1,800 houses a server, something like that. A lot. A lot of houses.

When they made this new auction thing, basically it would be like, you go up, you place a bid, and then it does a random roll, and whoever wins, wins. That's kind of the vibe. Whenever this started, this was sometime the vibe and whenever this started whenever they first this was sometime last year whenever this started they had a new area like an entire new town you could you could buy houses for so i was like this is it i'm gonna get my house it's gonna be amazing

and uh i bid on a home that was i was one of four people and I lost. I was like, all right, well that sucks, but you know, I'll get it next time. And that was 270 some days ago. I was like, no. And so what it is, is you bid, you wait a few days, then they reveal who won and that person has a few days to claim it. Then the bidding starts again, if anything. But my server is so populated that eventually, you know, that first and second week, all the houses were gone. So when houses did come up, it would be two or three on the entire server.

And each one would have hundreds of people bidding on it. So the chances were very, very low. Then they did a thing where they freed up a bunch of houses. And I was like, this is it. This is my time. And it was between me and one other dude. And I lost. And I was like this is it this is my time and it was between me and one other dude and i lost and i was like come on so this time they freed up a bunch like so many that i waited i was like i'm playing smart i'm gonna wait till the last day

so i went around and there's this one ward called goblet which is kind of like a desert theme it's an oasis and uh it has a pool in the middle and the pool just has a bunch of like random desert theme. It's an oasis. And it has a pool in the middle. And the pool just has a bunch of like random NPCs like flexing. It makes no sense. I love it. I love it. There's like a bar in the middle of it. But there's a bunch of houses surrounding the pool. And one's next to a waterfall.

It's a bunch of like great looking vistas. And I was like, this is where I want my home to be. I'm going to figure out which one has the least bids. I'm going to bid on that. So I went around and was looking at all the different wards that were open, trying to figure out what I wanted. And I ended up on this one ward, the 29th ward, 29 of 30. And each one has, oh my god, 60, 50 possible slots, right? So this is how badly I've lost repeatedly.

There's so many chances I failed every time. So this time I was like, I'm going to play it smart. I'm going to wait until the end. So it's Thursday, the last day to put your bid in. Results will be posted Friday. I'm like, all right, I got this. But I don't want to forget because, you know, I'll forget stuff because that, like, undiagnosed ADHD, which I definitely have.

I was like, okay, so it's like noonish Which I definitely have I was like okay so It's like noonish I'm going to bid And so I put in a bid And It was for a house that I didn't necessarily Think I was going to want originally Because I wanted a small house I don't know it's just a video game

I don't really give a shit I wanted a small house But in the ward I went to There were zero bids on a medium in a prime location right in front of the pool with some dude flexing out front. I was like, I need this home. I need this. There's cat girls swimming. I'm like, this is perfect. So I put a bid in. I'm one bid.

And then later in the day, doing my thing, and I kind of want to go back. I'm thinking, I got to go look. Did anyone else bid? You know, I'm getting worried because it seems so lucky. So I go back and there's a little tiny character standing on the placard. I walk up and I'm like, hey, did you bid? And I click bid. And there's a ton of bids on this property. I'm like, what? He's like, oh, yeah. My entire free company and I are bidding on this. And whoever wins it, we're going to put our free company here. And I was like, cool.

So the guy's like, well, what did you bid on? I was like, oh, just another property around here. Nothing. Good luck to you. And I walked away really depressed i was my tweets were just like well i'm gonna lose because there's no way one for an entire team is bidding on this there's no way uh friday rolls around i'm like all right everyone let's do this meanwhile i'm getting messages from other people playing the game that are losing their minds because like i

got a home i got home i'm like well yeah so that's great thanks I'm ready at this point I was 0 for 27 0 for 28 something like that I had a lot of losses And so I was like alright Let's get this over with Chat's losing their mind they're like you can do this I click on it and it's like winning bid Number one I was like what that's me

So I won a medium house And uh I will say I didn't realize endgame was actually owning a home because bro i bought that i started the stream at noon got the house i was like oh my god i can decorate now it was nine hours later and i didn't even know it it took someone in chat saying he's still been going and i I looked at the time. I was like, hours vanished. I had not moved from this seat. I didn't eat dinner.

I think I had like one water. I was lost in a world of like, I could decorate. Oh, I can have NPCs live in my home. I was losing my mind. I was going crazy. I was like, oh was losing my mind. I was going crazy. I was like, oh, look at the trees I can plant outside. And everyone was like, it's so nice. You're so happy doing this.

I was like, I am very happy. This is the happiest I've been in a video game. I'm like, oh, I can make a secret entranceway in the library doors. Oh, yeah. I was in it. I was in it. I was feeling things. I realized this is the problem. This is why I probably can't own a home.

Because if I did, I would buy stuff to fill the home rather than it be stuff that I... Like, I bought things to fill the space. Like, the basement of my home is like a bar and grill. I was like, screw it. Let's put a stage and people can perform. It was insane. And then I looked at it. It was like, it's good.

But I've seen videos. And if you want to get really messed up, just go to YouTube at some point and look up Final Fantasy XIV housing tour. Right? And you'll see some of the most amazing. They look like modern day apartments. People, I don't know how. You can float objects. You can make things look certain ways based on angles and change lighting and put one thing behind another.

The levels of creativity you can make a TV in the game if you get it right. I was like first off canonically why would you I mean there's no TV there but also you made a TV in game how did you do that? There's some

incredible things. If you just look them up their photos you can see people's homes people make nightclubs and people make fun. I saw one guy made a vampire-themed bar. Shut up. It looks better than real bars. They clearly spent

time making it look incredible. You're just like, I want that. Now I want that. I want to get someone who's really skilled to come and, like, you know, remodel my home. Yeah. Then I'll make a video about it. And I'll be like, move that bus.

And then we'll remodel my home. Move that bus. Yeah. So, I mean, that's it. It's, like, just a weird additional thing they put in the game. But I will say I've always been a fan of housing in every game. I think it's fun to put your trophies on walls and show off your stuff. It always upset me that WoW never did that.

And the one time they did do that was in the garrisons. And the garrisons were like, whatever. They sure were. I remember you and I playing. We couldn't even get the garrison because the, whatever. They sure were. I remember you and I playing. We couldn't even get the garrison because the damn thing was so laggy. We couldn't put our flags down. Yeah, I remember that. That was amazing.

But it's fun. And it was unexpected. I didn't think I would win. I didn't know what I was going to do. I only wanted it. Just like when I go to a convention and I want to get a t-shirt, I just want to get it so I can get it. You know what I mean? I didn't necessarily need a house, but now I have

a house and I'm like, oh boy. I have so much stuff to put in here. People kept giving me things. I was like, oh, I gotta find a place for this. Yeah, so now that's... I think that's my life now. It's just Jesse Cox, video game housing stream guy.

I mean, yeah, you've got your own HGTV Final Fantasy channel you can make. Yeah, the thing is that everyone else is way... Like, mine, I felt like, oh, I did some good things. Nah. Nah, I've seen what good looks like. Good is, like, impressive. So... Now back to the traffic source. Yes, yes. So, on the intersection. Yep. Now back to the traffic Store Yes yes

So um On the intersection As usual stuck at the red light There is no turn on right at this intersection you can't turn right So you just have to sit there and wait And while I'm waiting There's this crosswalk And you know it's kind of near

Towards the area like I said there's the hotels And everything nearby so people are Always walking across the crosswalk, and I'm always just people watching. This time, there was a man and a giant husky and his wife, and they're pushing a baby carriage. And the baby carriage underneath it has all these blankets, and there's little toys hanging down. And, you know, they're having a a conversation and the mom is kind of like fun like messing with the baby and the dad is trying to keep the husky from walking in the street and then as the light turns green i go to turn because i'm waiting to see if they're gonna which way they're gonna cross right you know i don't want to hit that kid yeah i look in the the pram

slash baby stroller another little littler dog, dude. Another little... They were walking one dog and had another dog in a baby carriage. It took me a minute to register which I guess is a minister. It took me a minute to register

what was happening but I just watched this lady talk to this dog and give it a bottle like it was a baby but it was clearly a small pet yeah chalk another one up to the intersection yeah oh and then uh this week i was watching a doc don't even ask me why i was watching like a YouTube documentary about Tabasco sauce. All right. I want to ask why. There's no reason.

I just saw it and was like, huh, okay, click. And apparently it takes from vine to bottle three years. What? I know. That made me appreciate it way more i was like whoa damn that's crazy that little sauce and they're like yeah it has to ferment for three years in a barrel with salt on top of the barrel i mean what is it made out of uh it's made out of peppers just like they pick specifically a certain color red pepper so they have to wait until it's a like a little like a petite rouge or

whatever it is and then they uh pick them and then they mash them into like a paste with the seeds and everything put that stuff in a like wood barrel cap the wood barrel torch the outside put salt on it and let it sit for three years. And I guess the fermentation, it like hardens the salt up top with the liquid. And then after three years, they pop that thing off, open it up. It no longer smells, um, like, uh, you know, peppery. It smells fragrant. They say, I don't know. And then they take it and put it through like 15 other mashers and then they put it in a still and they don't cook it. They just let the vinegar like cure it. And then when it's done,

they then strain out all the seeds and stuff and then like a lady tastes it and she eats it on a cracker or she has ice cream bars to kill the taste. And then they bottle it. If she says it's good, they bottle it. That's what I learned. It takes three years.

I had no clue. That's actually really cool. That's what I'm saying. I thought Tabasco sauce was like a mixture of peppers and stuff. I didn't know it was an actual Tabasco pepper. Yeah, they straight up just make it, and it's delicious. And I just bought some extra, extra hot. I never knew they made that.

Love it. Love it. Had it on my eggs today. Today I made some, whatchamacallit, eggs. Egg whites with feta cheese and spinach, and then I put some extra hot Tabasco on it. Wowee. Look at that. I know. It was great. I don't know why I didn't realize it extra hot tabasco on it wowee look at that i know it was great

that's uh i don't know why i didn't realize it was a tabasco pepper you know what i mean i mean yeah it's one of those things where you think it's probably named after it or something yeah i think it was like a brand name like oh this is tabasco sauce like it's made by tabasco mixes together a bunch of hot peppers or something that's what i I thought. But that does check out. It's a very specific sauce. The thing is about Tabasco is it's not like a hot sauce. It's a pepper sauce. A hot sauce is different. A hot sauce is something entirely separate,

and there's plenty of great hot sauces out there. But Tabasco is like, I wouldn't put Tabasco on my chicken wings, for example, right? It's very specific. Eggs? Hell yeah. Some types of Mexican food? Hell yeah. Pizza? Hell yeah. There's different things I'd put it on, but I wouldn't put it on chicken, for example.

It might be good on chicken. I don't know. I need a more substantial, thicker sauce. I see. Okay. I need them like a more substantial thicker sauce. I see. Okay. I get it. I'm very particular about my hot sauces. I made a bunch of chicken this week with Nando's sauce.

Do love Nando's sauce. Love Nando's. How do you find these things? Are you on YouTube homepage it just pops up or how do you yes absolutely that's 100% because I will not lie sometimes at the office if I'm eating lunch I will go to YouTube

and type in like I don't know chopped or diners driving the dives they usually have like 15 20 minute clips and I'll watch that while I'm eating a sandwich or whatever and so I think It propagates my homepage with Other things similar to that Yeah

So like right now I just went to my homepage And what Goes into feeding an NFL team is one Of the first things I see I also see Guy Fieri eats The cheesy Mac attack burger in Boston then I see Uh barbecue sauce Four ways is one but I also see Guy Fieri eats the cheesy Mac attack burger in Boston. Then I see barbecue sauce four ways is one.

But I also have, I love my YouTube. My YouTube is amazing. It's Guy Fieri eats cheesy Mac, making homemade barbecue sauce. What lies beyond our solar system? Long episode. A Final Fantasy music track. A how Brendan Fraser escaped Hollywood's Blacklist. Omen. The Elden Ring lore.

Dung Eater and the Omen Curse. The Last of Us HBO explanation? Unneeded, but thanks for offering. Invincible Season 2 trailer. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme. Everything great about Shang-Chi. A song called Mint Jams from

1982. Hell yes. Hell yes. Vice World News turning Cuban street food into a restaurant empire. ASMR Luna Bloom reading you bedtime stories. Fuck yeah. Luna Bloom again. Hell yeah. She's going to show up there eventually uh best

of co-optional podcast is still there classic classic uh original istanbul baklava or baklava or baklava whatever you want to call it uh love that um one orc versus seven computers 4k don't know what that means looks Looks like Warcraft 2. Sure. How it's made. Cheese graters. Every joke swap in one video. SNL.

The history of mac and cheese. A long expected review of Lord of the Rings. Rings of Power. Yeah, this is like so bizarre. My entire feed is just like, yeah, that's it. Let me give you mine. All right. We've got It's 2005 and You Find a Bow. We've got Full Machinarium OST.

Nice. We've got Aaron Rodgers Tells Pat McAfee About Something. We've got How to Fix a Pinched N pinched nerve in the neck that sounds like you we've got lumineth realm lords castle age of sigmar army something uh we've got into the wild slow down and overactive mind calm with some frogs and it's a live stream love Love that. Yeah. We have Coffee Morning Lo-Fi. Nice. Love that. Age of Empires 2 HD full soundtrack.

I love that. We have the Report of the Week. Did Little Caesars release the best fast food pizza? Did they? Great question. We have Video Game Donkey, The Stanley's Parable. Yep. And let's see. That's pretty much the main stuff i see so that's that's my hey

there's a cox and crendor paylay hey look at that wow yeah i keep i keep scrolling down trying to see like what the vibe is it starts to get a little out there like you know five street fighter shortcuts that don't teach you anything. Someone reacting to Final Fantasy X for some reason. The complete MCU recapped, I guess. Sure. Therapist reacts to Grave of the Fireflies. That therapist is going to need a therapist seeing that movie.

$120 water? Water? Yours sounds way cooler than mine mine is just like i don't do a lot of actual youtube watching so my algorithm's a little wacky oh yeah that's true it's mostly it's mostly related to like weird food things like two dollar burgers in har, which, by the way, having watched that video is awesome. That dude's cool. Yeah. Yeah, you see, I think the YouTube algorithm's actually pretty good at finding what you want to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's one of those things where you don't expect it. There's been a lot of times where I've seen a video, been like, what the hell is this? Why has this here? Clicked it and been like yo okay and really enjoyed it and then i look at the comments and all the comments are like algorithm brought me here i guess it's the thing that happens frequently i'm kind of curious because i always hear this with the algorithm with the uh they're like you need to use the community tab and do polls and

stuff i see other people doing polls and occasionally i will put up some polls such as four weeks ago i said do you have a fireplace in your house that was after i released pointless top 10 fireplaces of course well of course of course and 29 said yes 33 said no 38% said is this another promotional poll for pointless top 10 fireplaces they get it they know what's up they get it

do you do polls do you do those things I don't even know if it matters I just heard some guy say it matters I don't do them but I know that my team from time to time will put a poll up although maybe they're not polls maybe it's just a post I know the last time I saw one was in December but uh yeah I don't really manage that stuff I probably should I feel like it can't hurt I mean I try to make them dumb and goofy there's so many features on YouTube now between shorts and now they want to monetize

shorts don't even sure what that looks like because like yeah how do you sit through an ad to get to a 15 second clip you know i mean like how can you justify that i don't know um but i mean it happened people watch 20 second videos with like ads on it on YouTube. So I guess technically, but it does feel like it's a waste. Yeah. It doesn't feel right. I mean, look,

if you want to watch it and then they want to pay me, I'll do it. But like, it doesn't make it right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe if it's a really good short,

maybe, you know, it's like pop, pop, pop call. But even then I feel like shorts short, maybe you know it's like top quality. But even then, I feel like shorts are just a thing you use to promote other videos. Maybe not anymore. I don't know.

I feel like they're trying to pull people from TikTok because TikTok doesn't pay you. The only way you get paid on TikTok is through brand stuff. And if you want to come to YouTube, you have to make sure that all of your videos don't have any branding at all for anything else besides YouTube stuff. Yeah. And if you do that, though, then you can, um,

I guess, get money? I don't know what the rules are, to be honest. Yeah, I don't know either. I just kinda, you know, I'm like, this seems like it'd be good so i just do it what else did we get up to oh we watched uh we watched nick cage we watched the two nick cage movies oh yes i think i blocked those out of my mind would you like to tell the audience what they were uh yeah so they were bad first one was nick cage is a cop almost to retirement as you would imagine um and he is his his son-in-law

is also a cop and he's gonna have a baby because Nick Cage's daughter is pregnant and she's like I'm having a baby and then they they like, that's a thing. So let's be very clear about this. The opening of the movie, the premise of the movie is cop, partner, and ride along. Discover an armed robbery in progress. That's the plot. The opening of the movie features like a banker in Afghanistan on a construction site attempting to smuggle money to various accounts and then four armed mercenaries show up and kill a lot of people yeah and then

are like where's all the money he's like I put in different accounts and he's like okay well give us one of them which is wild why not all of them like give us one he's like, okay, well, give us one of them, which is wild. Why not all of them? They're like, give us one. He's like, okay, there's a million dollars in Chesterford, the first U.S. bank in Chesterford, which apparently is like the whitest community in all of Boston. Yeah. I don't know. Go to Chesterford.

And then the movie begins. That's 28 minutes, I think. It could have been a movie in itself. This movie is an hour and 27 minutes long. It is that. There's like literally, by the time we get to Nick Cage, there's an hour left in the film. Yeah.

I was like, wait, what is this movie? Anyway, sorry. Please continue. So, yeah, that happens. And then there's this kid who's getting bullied by these kids. So this black kid's getting bullied by these three white kids. And then the principal walks in. He's like, what's going on here?

And then he punches one of the white kids he falls over and they're like this kid's crazy but really he's just defending himself because he's getting he's getting bullied and then the principal's office they're just like your son's gotta learn some lessons the mom's just like what and then they're like he's gonna go right along in a cop car for some reason i don't know to learn to learn his lesson apparently, I guess, is the thing. So they're like, okay, so he goes to the cop car and surprise, it's Nick Cage and his son-in-law

or whatever. By the way, I couldn't get over the fact that Nick Cage, why the police would put the son-in-law in the same cop car with the it makes no, like, you wouldn't do that, I don't think. Like, what if they both died? You know what I mean? Yeah, I don't think what if they both died you know what I mean yeah I don't think you'd do that but

you know here we are you know listen we spent like 28 minutes in Afghanistan alright and now we're in Chesterford Boston or whatever I get you no rules dude no rules just right so then they're driving around and then they go to a gas station

and then nick cage and his son-in-law are like hey we gotta see what's going on here and they start picking on some like dude that stole cigarettes and he's just sitting there and then they're like this is a we gotta arrest him and then they really do do like a five minute scene where they arrest a guy who stole cigarettes and like pull gun pull guns like pull their guns i was like what uh oh i almost forgot they introduced uh another character who like owns the bank and it's his anniversary yes or whatever she was like you know he it was basically said i'll see you by the way he had a great voice by the way he was like i'll see you tonight he's. He was like James Earl Jones.

I've got to go run the bunk. Yeah. And then. We also learned about 18 other cops. We were given so many names. We met the boy's mom. We learned the boy is special for some reason. Undetermined why.

Yeah. At first, I was like, oh, well, maybe it's like a racism thing, but no and I was like oh, maybe he's like gay No, I think he just had the high technical aptitude He's just a kid one point the move yeah at one point at one point the movie the kid Pulls a battery out the back of a doll and he uses it to charge his phone to make a phone call Which I still don't get but I guess right is this the only thing you figure out maybe this kid is like a first-generation mutant he's got I don't know why people yeah he's like people just I'm different so they treat

me terribly like in what way this movie would have gone up like at least four points for me if Professor X showed up at the end of it and he was like do you wish to join the X-Men and he was like yeah admittedly agreed I would have loved that this movie has a lot that doesn't make sense I'll be real

honest then there was that other cop that you said looked like Salma what's her name? Salma, oh, oh my god, totally forgot. Salma Hayek. No, Salma Blair, there's a, um. Salma Blair?

There's a woman in this movie who works for Interpol, but, again, this is an hour, 27, 27 minute movie, and it has, like, 30 characters. 30 main characters. This woman works for Interpol and the best way to describe her is from the nose up, or I guess like from the mid nose up she looks like Ava Green. She has like Ava Green eyes. But from the nose down she looks like Selma Blair. And it was blowing my mind because there was clearly a dividing

line in her face. It was very like it was bizarre dude. And she's trying to track down the four mercenaries and really if anything should have been the main character but instead we have nick cage and his son-in-law and the kid they're joyriding with yes uh so anyway we learn all this stuff and then the guy's robbing the bank they go to rob the bank so they blow up some cafe uh oh which which by the way when the movie starts the cafe scene the dude with the beard so there's four villains beard guy dude who's nick cage's son, guy who's trying to sound like Cassian Andor,

and then other guy. As Crendor said, one dude looks like he plays Vanilla World of Warcraft. One dude looks like an undead warrior in Vanilla WoW. The other guy looked like he played Warhammer. One guy was a dwarf in

Warcraft. Like the Hobbit. He looked like a Hobbit dwarf. a war... Like the Hobbit. Like straight out of the Hobbit, yeah. Like a Hobbit dwarf. Like from the movie The Hobbit. And then the other guy looked like he played Tau. Like Warhammer. Yeah, he was a Warhammer player who played Tau.

It was genuinely hilarious. And like definitely the type of guy who'd go to tournaments and be like, I moved 10 inches, but he'd like shove his model like an extra little inch like oh sorry i bumped it like that type of guy you know or like maybe he rolls five dice he rolls like a one two three four five and he changes the one to a two real quick like that type of guy like oh i didn't roll any ones this dude uh i i don't know if there are any leaders I don't know how The bearded guy goes to a diner Puts a C4 explosive under his table

Walks out The diner is across the street From the bank that they're gonna rob And I was like oh He's gonna do a thing to like blow up the Whatever Instead When the explosion goes off it's

Like in another city And the cafe That he was in is still standing next To the bank Dude I have no clue what was Going on there's scenes There's one scene where a woman she sees The bank robbery in progress and she goes

To run and runs into the bank She runs Away from the and runs into the bank she runs away from the gunman into the bank yeah there's like imagine you're walking up to a bank and a bunch of people are running up to it with guns and military grade equipment and you just run into the bank instead of like running away the there's a scene later where a guy puts a bomb in one of the bank tellers pockets and that marches them all outside and the woman's like officer there's a bomb in my coat he pulls it out looks at it realizes it's a bomb instead of throwing it runs away with it it explodes yeah we're like throw it throw it like he's got a good seven seconds to throw it and he just like holds on to it and he's like that just explodes

there is there is so much wrong with this entire movie everything about it there's so much wrong i can't even with it. So, really, after all this happens, big shootout at the bank. Nick Cage's son-in-law gets shot, which you knew was going to happen because earlier in the movie, she's like, I'm worried that today, after figuring out or learning that we're having a baby, that something bad is going to happen to you. And he's like, listen, I got to do what I got to do. I'm a cop.

He's like a cop, I got to do what I got to do. I'm a cop. I'm there. He's like a cop in the most suburban area with like, you know, there's probably out there like some dude driving a golf cart around. They pulled guns on a man who stole cigarettes. Let's just like, that's the city we're in. Gertrude's like sitting there with binoculars. Like, I think I saw some kids on my lawn, like that type of thing. Right.

So it's like, he's like whatever but then this bank thing happens so he gets shot in the leg and then they're the the kid i don't remember anyone's name in this movie the kid the kid who's like riding with him has to like wrap his wound up so not only did he get bullied and then had to make you know go in a cop car now he's like seeing someone die and has to like try and save their life he's got like post-traumatic stress from this and then there's there's literally a scene where he films he wastes the remainder of his battery filming the cop say he's gonna die to his wife and that goes nowhere yeah literally he's fine everyone's

fine everyone's like baby i just want to say to my little boy, I'm so sorry. This is all I'm going to get of your daddy. I'm like, what the? What? He got shot in the leg. By the way, when the explosion went off downtown, the reason why there was no one there to stop the bank robbers is because every cop in the city went to the explosion, and all the SWAT was there,

and they set up sniper rifles on the roof? For what purpose, dude? For what purpose? And nobody could hit the bank robbers. Nobody could hit the bank robbers. Oh, that's right. It was like they were standing in the middle of the window. I was like, dude, I could have,

in PUBG, if I stood in the window, I'd get shot. But these trained professionals came in. No one could do it. That was amazing. the window i was like dude i could have in pub g if i stood in the window i'd get shot but these like trained there was a firefight yeah like no one could do it that was amazing that was amazing and then there was like a huge firefight one of the bank robbers got shot the other one's like in the bank like with the hostages i'm like there's like two guys shooting at him how are two guys putting up this big of a fight against like over 10 police officers shooting back. Like, it made no sense. Even if you're bad at aiming, I figure you could hit the dude

in the blinds that pops out. Alright? And I mean it was like Game of Thrones putting the trebuchets in the front of the army tier, you know? Yes. No, no. 100% agreed. Yeah. So anyway the at the end of the movie

they're they're fine everybody's fine the cop guy's fine kid's fine he they're all fine that's it yeah everyone that's how it ends everyone fine and i was just like okay cool yep the bad guys killed so like when the bad guys finally leave the bank like their plan is put a bomb on the hostages that make a run for it yeah within 30 seconds of them leaving the bank they're all shot dead yep it was genuinely one of the worst movies i've ever seen my entire life oh yeah it was 30 seconds of them leaving the bank, they're all shot dead. Yep. It was genuinely one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh, yeah. It was terrible. Not even like Nick Cage funny good.

Just like bad from start to finish. Just bad. Not good. Pacing terrible. Character development terrible. Just everything was terrible. Everything. Everything. So then we were like, all right, we got to move on.

We got to watch something else. So then there was, what was that movie called? Humanity Bureau? Yeah, Humanity Bureau. All right. So Humanity Bureau, still not good, but slightly better. It was an adequate Nick Cage film. Yeah, that's a good way to better it was a it was an adequate nick cage film yeah yeah that's a good way to put it yeah um this one the world the global warming's hit uh water the lakes are gone

there's no lakes the roads are gone they evaporated um yeah roads lakes all of it's gone except there's plenty of snow, and the oceans are there, and Canada, I guess, has lakes. Yeah. So they're like, I don't know. I don't even remember how this movie started, honestly. I just remember you get to the farmhouse with Nick Cage. He arrives at this farmhouse, and there's this mom and her kid,

and the kid is like, he's this weird kid that's like keeps trying to get in a cage to bang his mom yeah he's like my mom's pretty isn't she and he's like so the plot of this is that in 2030 the america i guess had a civil war and in the post-civil war there's not enough food and water and stuff to go around And if you can't take care of yourself They ship you off to New Eden Which is secretly a crematorium Where they just kill you, right?

Like that's the whole movie Whole concept, that is it The rest of the movie is superfluous nonsense But that's like the subplot of this film And in the beginning Nick Cage goes and he meets with a guy who I guess was the

former governor of Colorado and he's and he looks like you gotta go to New Eden man and he looks like if this Jeff Bezos had a kid with like

Voldemort like that's what he looks like oh no that's the villain that's the villain looks like Jeff Bezos yeah the guy he meets that's the governor is like an old man the villain yeah the the guy he meets that's the

governor is like an old man and they have a shootout and he's like you'll never take me to new eden and that's when he discovers a hint i guess about how new eden is fake oh yeah and it looks really and so he sees that and then his next person victim whatever the next person oh yeah that guy he had a shotgun and he had a poster it said make america great yeah not again just make it great and a photo of him with donald trump sitting together yeah yeah yeah that's right which which was hard it made it made trying to put the timeline of this film we learned in this film that trump was clearly president it was a this took place in 2030. Yes, this is 2030.

Trump was president. So that still would have been at least until 2020, right? Right. But they stopped making all cars 30 years ago. So in the year 2000, no cars were being made.

Yeah, even though they were. Yeah. Things about, like, it was both our reality and not our reality It's a very bizarre film That I thought the point of the movie was That because it was made in 2017 It was

These are people who are upset that Trump won And they're afraid this is the future But then all the reviews you read online Were like this is the future The liberals want And I was like wait what i guess it's open to interpretation who knew uh and so then he gets information that the humanity bureau isn't a good place and he goes out to a farm to go chicken on some people

and then creditor take it away uh then the people i just talked about are there the kid and the mom they're drinking piss um that's right everyone drinks piss everyone drinks piss i'm surprised bear grills wasn't in this movie uh but they're like it's lemonade but you know you know um and You know. You know. And then the kid's just like, yeah, my mom's pretty. And then the cage is like, yeah. She was, though. Admittedly, she was cute. And then they leave the house to go to Canada. All of them flee to Canada.

And that's really the journey here is they all flee to Canada. While being chased by evil Jeff Bezos. Yeah. And so... And he's like... And Jeff Bezos' guy's in his swimming pool being like, Ah, water. The lost art of swimming.

Right. Right. Because again, there's no water. Yet everyone has water to sell. For some reason, everyone's got water, but there's no water. Yeah, there's no water yeah everyone has water to sell but everyone for some reason everyone's got water but there's no water yeah there's no water but everyone's got water they're selling water they all look hydrated and like well fed even though i guess the economy's in shambles and nobody's got food or water but i guess maybe there's clearly snow on the ground yeah there's snow on the ground they're like it's nuclear snow. You can't drink that. Don't eat it.

So they go on this big journey. They run into a guy. It's like a gas station that for some reason, after talking to him, he's like, give us gas. We're out. And then the guy's like, are you a good family man? And then Nick Cage is like, yeah. And then the guy's like, all right. And then he like rams his car into the Jeff Bezos car so that Nick Cage and his family get away. The best part of that scene is as he's revving up to slam his car into Jeff Bezos' car.

In the background is an echoey ethereal version of, It makes no sense, dude. None. None. And he slams into him. Actually, he misses Jeff Bezos' car and hits the other car. Oh, yeah, that's what it was. And so then Jeff Bezos is like, damn! Come on, let's keep going.

They completely ignore their friends. Yeah, so that was something that happened. And then there was... What else? There was... I don't remember what happened after that. Well, they ended up going. Their goal was to get to Canada.

Right. And then on the way to Canada, they met a former Nazi? Like some guy named Adolf And his two kids Question mark I think they were Canadians I mean they were definitely still in America He said The guy said I was visiting from Germany

When everything went down And as you can see this is how it turned out So he's stuck in America Living in the mountains With two kids I guess. And then he gives them iodine tablets and directions on how to get north past the nuclear wasteland. And then they keep going north and getting another wacky shootout with the bad guys.

And then find the border and discover that all the nuclear horror stories were lies concocted by the government. And they did that thing that was like, you don't have to build a real wall if you make people think that it's radiated and that's how they, like fear is the wall they've built or whatever line they said.

And then they make it across the border, but Jeff Bezos and gang chase them over. And for some reason, they stopped running. I don't know. They had a lead on them. Yeah. But I guess they just stopped running. Turn around.

Jeff Bezos immediately kills the mom. Just immediately kills her. I was like, what the hell? And Nick Cage is like, let the boy go. You can have me instead. And so they let the boy go and he runs off And then they kill Nick Cage Yeah They just pop him in the head too

And then the boy Runs back To the And they end up giving The boy gives the bad guys the chip that is all the secret information About This government conspiracy. Only for it to turn out that it's an empty file.

And they're like, we're going to kill this kid now. And then out of nowhere, the Canadians arrive and murder Jeff Bezos and friends. Yeah. Except, I guess, for the one guy who was kind of like the okay bad guy. He was like a friendly bad guy. He gets to live. But I guess the Canadians were waiting for the boy. And the boy is also Nick Cage's son.

And the boy has all the information to really uncover the truth about what's going on in America. And then there's a revolution, I guess, at the end. And it is terrible. there's a revolution I guess at the end and that's like it is terrible it's a terrible movie it was terrible but it had more goofy moments so that's kind of that's kind of what made it slightly

better but still terrible still truly terrible yeah um so overall great experience yeah overall two uh Nick Cage movies. What's messed up is I think out of all the ones we watch, those are the two worst ones. Yeah. Back to back.

We've seen a lot of bad Nick Cage movies, but like funny bad. Yeah. But those were bad. They were bad. Yeah. But, you know, this is what happens. Sometimes you just you gotta watch those they make you appreciate the other ones

I just realized it's almost been an hour sure has so well we definitely need to do our ads or else we're gonna get in trouble yeah we were too busy talking about Nick Cage

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All right, Grendor, let's go. Oh, boy, traffic outor. Let's go jump in. Let's go to the Grendor house. Let's jump in. Oh, boy. Traffic out here. It is going. There are cars and traffic. Man, I'm out of the groove now. I'm not in the traffic groove.

But one thing is for sure, and that's... Oh, God, I can't even think of a funny line. I'm going to keep going. You've got to think of something. Pressure's on. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? The world might never know. To who?

Three. Three licks. I mean... Oh, Mr. Al. Yeah, I'll figure it out. Was it actually three licks? I mean. Oh, Mr. Owl. The owl figured it out. Was it actually three licks? I don't think it was because then he bit it. He bites it.

Yeah, that's the gif is he bites it. He says three. I mean, technically three, I guess, but like it's got to be more. Technically, he's right. Yeah, the owl, that's why he's the smartest of all the owls. Back to you. All right. Let's go to sports.

Wait, weather. Weather time. Okay. I wonder if anyone's done a study of how many licks it actually would take. I'm positive they have. There's got to be, yeah. Yeah, literally the first thing that pops up. It only took a few hundred licks.

That's not bad. So mathematicians at New York University came up with the answer for 1,000, but found out that really it only took a few hundred licks. Dang. That's less than I thought. I thought it would be like 1,000 as well. It says it also depends on the person. So one person got 678.

One person got 881. But they said the average was 364 licks. I see. So some people are just like some people like right oh yeah i bet how you lick it is the most important thing in all facets of life yeah also this last like 10 10 to 20 seconds sounds very weird but you know there you go now we actually know just one quick google search that's how you find out most things apparently damn they should oh my god they should do a new advertisement where the owl

is like how many licks does it take and he just googles it and he brings up that study yeah he's like here you go stupid animated kid yeah and then everybody'd be like dude look at that and that they need to hire me just so i can tell them to do that one idea, and then I can leave. So the weather is, we got one for Biddeford, Maine. It's pretty all right. Lots of old mill buildings that are finally being used again. I don't think it's really famous for anything, but the annual Franco-American Festival is fun. is fun. Okay. In Biddeford, Maine it is currently

29 degrees with a wintry mix. We've got a high of 29, low of 28, humidity 95%, pressure 30.02 inches, visibility.43 miles, winds at 3 miles an hour,

dew point 28, UV index 0 of 10 with a waxing crescent moon phase, sunrise in at 7.07 a.m., sun setting at 4.39 p.m. Taking a look at that 10-day, we've got 28 degrees periods of snow this evening will transition into a wintry mix overnight, low of 28, winds north at 10 to 15 miles per hour. Chance of precipitation 100%. Snow and ice accumulating 3 to 5 inches. Monday, we've got temps steadily moving up to the mid-30s,

but chance of snow 100% accumulation 5 to 8 inches. Getting a lot of snow over there. Then Tuesday 40, partly cloudy. Wednesday 31, mostly cloudy. Thursday 43 with rain. Friday 30, partly cloudy. Saturday 39, partly cloudy. Sunday 31, partly cloudy. And Monday 34

with more AM snow showers. There is a pub. So I'm looking at this town and it looks like the most main town in my life. You know there's like a vibe You're like yeah serial killer probably lives here But also it seems quaint They also have a pub

That I'm not going to lie All the food looks really good It's called Sacred Profane Brewery And Tankard I can't see what the rest of that says But um I'm letting you know It looks amazing

The inside Looks like exactly what I want a pub to look like They got all the fried seafoods Cause it's Maine you know what that'd be But also The beer looks good and then out of nowhere Out of nowhere this photo I'm just gonna send this to you

It's just a photo of a woman dressed up as a devil and, like, two people taking photos with her. What the shit? Like, all right, cool, I guess. Like, whatever floats your boat. And then that man's, like, an elf. And the woman's just, like, doing the devil horns. Meanwhile, all the food looks super legit. It does.

It looks really good. Yeah, dude. I'm like super into it. I just... And you can see during the summer, they have a giant open... It's like open air. Man, I love these kind of places. Yeah.

Big fan. Yeah, it looks great. I also see the golden rooster. It looks pretty okay, but it does have a big rooster out front. I love that. They got Elements Books Coffee Bar. Wait, coffee beer? Elements Books Coffee Beer.

So they got books, coffee, and beer. I'm not going to lie. I feel like there's a whole vibe of... Maine has like a vibe. You know what I mean? Yeah. And coffee beer and like a weird profane bar. Like all that is exactly what I imagine it to be yeah yeah it all perfectly fits into like yeah this sounds correct it definitely

does sound like me the crazy part is is in the area where the sacred profane brewery is do you think it's because it's next to the river? Maybe they get the water? But in that area, Bandit Brewing, Batson River Brewing, Blaze Brewing. There's so many breweries here. Yeah. And Run of the Mill Public House. And then there's just a bunch of bagel places, which I think is roughly, you know. And then, yeah, Elements, bagel places Which I think is roughly you know And then yeah elements books coffee beer Yeah there it is Hamburger stands

Here's the thing like I I would I would thrive here I think I think you would too This seems like the like hipstery Bullshit I'm totally into I love I love a good Like micro brewery I'm totally into I love I love a good Microbrewery I'm super into that stuff

Oh yeah 100% So I would go like We're going to a different one tonight let's go After that wore off though I'd realize I was in Biddeford, Maine Which is next to Actually you know what

It is I do not know what? It is... I do not know how far that is. It is relatively close to Boston in a geological scale. It is. You know, it's like along the coast. Yeah. Yeah, it's not too far away. I got to go through Portsmouth and down through Newbury, but we could get there.

Yeah. We could get there. It would take, I don't know. You know what's crazy? I'm going to look at the distance. I have traveled LA to San Francisco numerous times. It is like one-fourth the distance. I bet that takes two hours.

Yeah, it's probably two hours. Max. 100%. That's the east coast man That east coast life You could probably hop on a train And be in Boston Yeah

I mean you can go north You'll get to Canada Yeah I mean And then you Then I always Again remember Maine is near Quebec

For some reason my brain thinks that Quebec is way far north in Canada That's not true Yeah Quebec is like right along the border I always forget that shit some reason my brain thinks that quebec is way far north in canada that's not true yeah quebec is like right along the border i always forget that shit same with montreal yeah look at that well look at that that's the weather that's the weather all right let's go to sports sports uh here at the sports desk we had sports today in divisional football playoffs. The Bengals beat the Bills, advancing to take on the Kansas City Chiefs,

who beat the Jaguars, although Patrick Mahomes sprained his ankle. Then the Eagles crushed the Giants, and currently the 49ers are beating the Cowboys 16-12, with only nine minutes left in that game. So that should be a good finish, and the winner of that will play the Eagles. So the Super Bowl will either be the Chiefs, Bengals, or the Eagles and the winner of this Cowboys-49ers game.

So there you go. That's your Super Bowl teams we're down to. Will the Bengals bungle it up? The answer? Yes. I don't know. They're looking pretty good. Dude, they're looking pretty good. The best they're going to do is get to the Super Bowl and lose. It's possible.

It's the best they're going to do. There's no way they're winning. It's not happening. Over in basketball, we have the Celtics in first, 76ers in second, Bucs in third, Nets in fourth, Cavs in fifth, Heat in sixth, Knicks are in seventh, Hawks in eighth, Pacers nine, Bulls ten. And then in the West, we've got Nuggets, Grizzlies, Kings, Pelicans, Mavericks, Clippers, Warriors, Timberwolves, Jazz, and the Suns in tenth.

And then over in hockey, we've got Carolina in first with New Jersey right behind. We got the Bruins in first over in the Atlantic Division. We've got the Dallas Stars in first in the West with Winnipeg right behind them. And we have the Vegas Golden Knights in first with Seattle behind them by a point. And Edmonton just a couple points behind as well. Look, I'm no Golden Knights fan. I'm a solid Penguins fan. Yeah.

That's just my life. But Golden Knights in first means that we are this much closer to another Golden Knights amazing playoff entrance video, and I'm here for it. That is very true. And that's sports. All right. Let's go to our fact of the day. Fact of the day. Yep.

Fact of the day song today. It's a good song. All right. Let's see. This is a cool fact owls have specialized feathers ow uh these feathers have the edges protrude out to dissipate the airflow when it flies because of this their flights are silent which makes them deadly hunters at night yo that's pretty sick do you think that's how they know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tutsi bomb

oh no doubt he probably knows all along he just quietly got those sensitive feathers yeah yeah that checks out there's some other facts i could they could bring up but like all right we'll save them no i'm gonna do this one because it's like common knowledge. Okay. This one says staying in a negative relationship can lower your immune system. Studies indicate that negative emotions lead to lowered immune responses against diseases. Other studies support this by stating that stress and emotions can adversely affect the immune system. Like, yeah. Because a negative relationship creates stress. And anything that creates stress is bad for you because it's stress.

The fight or flight in you. Yeah. Taking off and you're getting all like worked up and you know you shouldn't be there, but you stick through it because you have to. It's the same thing that, well, you know, like over time, dude's in a war zone. It's the same traumatic, you know, it's not as the same intensity, but it's the exact same thing where you're just, your body is like, I got it. Okay. Oh boy. It's on edge. Okay. Yeah. You're always you're always and you shouldn't be that way for a long period like your body has that to get you through some shit yeah not to constantly be on yeah like short-term

stress is normal like if you're short-term stress you know it's probably like you know few weeks or months or whatever they're probably. But like, it's going longer than that, that's not good, because then everything's starting to suffer from that. Exactly. Yeah, but I mean, even like, you can consider exercise stress. You're stressing your body for like, you know, 30 minutes to an hour, and then it's good for you. So, I mean, there's

healthy forms of stress. And you simply shouldn't just like, constantly put yourself through that. Yeah, but like, if you over-exercise, it'll actually harm you. Like, people that over- that over exercise actually are doing a lot of damage as well uh so there you go there you go what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day coveted hot dog statue stolen from West Virginia restaurant finally returns home. What is this statue? Hold on.

There you go. I've seen this before. I have not. It's the hot dog man putting mustard on his own body. It sure is. The owner of a Westia restaurant that was heavily damaged by fire has coveted hot has his coveted hot dog statue back the wiener man statue was stolen from the dairy winkle in campbell's creek during a break-in sometime after the january 11th fire

the kanawha county sheriff's Office said in a news release, a tip led deputies to a location where the statue was found undamaged. It was returned to restaurant owner Carrie Ellison. The statement said, Investigators have not identified a suspect and are seeking information about the theft. The short statue depicts a hot dog licking its lips and holding a bottle of mustard while pouring a bottle of ketchup on its head that is what it does yeah ellison hopes to reopen the restaurant later this year i love it big fan i just the fact that that guy has like socks on

kind of bothers and shoes it's got like sonic level shoes. Yeah. Even the shoes, it's like, okay. The hot dog with socks just feels weird. I like it. I like everything about it. That's even weirder. The hot dog has fingernails. Where do they come from? Do we need to know the answer to that?

A lot of questions. Why does he need fingernails? He could just have fingers. Again, I don to know the answer to that? A lot of questions. Why does he need fingernails? He could just have fingers. Again, I don't know the answer to that. I don't know if I want to know at this point. But I guess the statue's back in the place it belongs. That's the news story of the day. Okay, I love this statue. I keep looking at it.

Anyway, it reminds me of Hot Dog Man from Life is Strange. But whatever. All right. Anyway, that's it for us. Thank you so much for listening or watching. I don't know how you're doing this whole thing. But we appreciate it. Crandor, hit them with the socials.

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And that's all I got. All right. That's it for us. Thanks so much. We'll see you all next week. All right. That's it for us. Thanks so much. We'll see you all next week. And as always, to be continued. To be continued.