Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 413 - Half a Chance

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

The boys are back and this time Crendor sexualizes Guy Fieri in a way Jesse wasn't expecting but approved of. Yes, that's how this episode starts. Then Jesse hides out under the blankets on his couch while judging some womans Trader Joes themed instagram. Meanwhile the karen at Crendor's gym returns and a man jumps into an aquarium in Alabama. I wonder why he did it? All this and more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor. Go to http://butcherbox.com/cox and use code COX to choose your free offer and get $20 off. Go to http://buyraycon.com/cox to get 15% off your Raycon order and free shipping.

Today's episode is brought to you by Raycon. Raycon will get good music into them ears. Also, today we're brought to you by ButcherBox. ButcherBox is going to deliver amazing meats directly to your front doorstep. Can't do better than that. Now let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio.

Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Cocks and Crendog in the morning! Cocks and Crendog in the morning! Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode of Cocks and Krendar in the morning. Oh, boy. It's January. It is a January. The middle of it, it's cold, it's wet, it's...

I'm in L.A. I'm in L.A. and it's cold and wet and gross and I hate it. Yeah, this last week has been like, we had like five straight days of zero degrees. One of the days the high was negative one. You know what? I'm doing alright then. I take it back. I'm fine. The high I think we had was 54

and I was like, it's terrible outside. Just the worst. That's spring. But it was raining and it was gross. Yes, I love 50s and rain. Well, I don't, apparently. You don't. That's like my favorite weather.

Oh, man. Yeah, it was cold. It's like, it's one of those things where everybody's always like, oh, the wind chills what gets you. It's true. Because there was one day I went out. It was like seven degrees, but there was no wind. And I was like, you know what?

It's not too bad. It's just really dry. And then the next day I went out, it was like two degrees. And it was like 20 mile an hour winds. And I was like, it's like one minute in that. And I'm like, I'm done. Get me in. Get me inside.

The last big time I recall being freezing cold was that time you and I were in Boston for PAX. And I was dying. I was unprepared for that weather. But I can't. I don't think I have any other. I think I've dodged most cold weather. If I ever come out to see you, maybe one year we did a show in December. Yeah.

But I think I spent most of the time either in your home or in my hotel room or on stage and those are all hot places so I was fine and I don't even think it was that cold it's probably like 30s or something yeah it wasn't that bad I have been actively avoiding and dodging freezing cold weather for some time and I'm doing a great job of it it is it's working out pretty well for me I don't mind cold but I don't like bitter cold. There's like cold, right? You're like 20s, 30s. You're like, ah, it's pretty cold out. But then once it's like zero, you're just like, you go outside and you're just like.

I don't think I have the capacity anymore to do it. You know how your body adjusts? Mine is adjust to the point where the last few days it's been wet and rainy here in L.A. And I have been in full hibernation mode. I, today's a great example. Today I woke up at 8am, looked at my clock, looked outside. It was still dark and wet and awful. And I was like, back to bed. I go, woke up at 1 30 PM and was like, what time, what day, where am I? And then tried to go about my day, took a shower, got out,

and was like, okay, well, I can still get some stuff done. Went into my living room, sat down on the couch, did not move or do anything for two hours. I tucked my hands in under my body on the couch and formed like a little man cocoon and just put a blanket on me and listened to a podcast and did nothing. I didn't actively do anything until about 35 minutes before you and I got on to do this show.

I was like, what if I just sat here and did it? I just did nothing. Wouldn't that be great? And then of course, part of my body is just like, dude, you got to do something. You're wasting the day. And then no matter what that part of me said, the other part was like, oh, we could just sit here and relax. I don't even want to do nothing today. I'm just going to sit here.

I'm going to sit here, close my eyes, sit on the couch, leave the lights off for some reason. I should have just stayed in bed. But nope, i'm now sleeping on the couch it was crazy i'm telling you i get hit but i don't know if it's like a seasonal thing but it's certainly a weather related thing every single time i'm like what if i did nothing i just stayed here that's great you woke up later than i did today that's what i'm saying man that's how i know it was messed up If I wake up later than you That's how I know there's a problem

I was like I don't wanna It also could be because I didn't go to I went to bed like Two last night Cause we were up late doing Pal World And so you know It could just be cause I was still tired

I don't know but I was just like What if I just stayed in bed all day If I didn't have to do this I'm gonna let you know, it could just because I was still tired. I don't know. But I was just like, what if I just stayed in bed all day? If I didn't have to do this, I'm going to let you know, I'd still be under those covers on my couch. I'd be watching like a marathon of old episodes of Diners, Drivers, and Dives. I'd be like, that looks good. I kind of want that. Oh, guy, you silly character. Yeah. Yeah, there's like, actually actually do you sleep like 11 hours

or something oh i did sleep a long time it's true that's a lot um if i oversleep if i sleep more than like nine hours i'm either sick or i get migraines from that like i can't go i do have a headache right now that is a fact i do have a headache. I just took two Tylenol before we started because, yeah, if I sleep for a little too long, I get a headache too. Yeah, that's not good. It's, uh, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, the diners drive. There's always some shows where you put those on and that's just like lazy day shows. And that's one of them. Diners drive-ins and dives. He's just constantly going around like, let's eat it. Jimmy's chicken wings and then Jimmy's like I got the best chicken wings and he's like

alright show me Jimmy and he's like first we take the flour we sprinkle it around he's just like oh Jimmy's sprinkling that flour why did you make it sexual sometimes he does make it sexual I don't know if that's true. I think it is.

Oh, sprinkle that flower, Jimmy. Get in all the crevices, Jimmy. I don't think that happens. You like that guy? Flowering up them wings. You like that guy? Put that sauce on. I'm positive that's not how every episode goes i've seen at least one definitely oh yeah get in there guy

but then it's got the it's because there's the music in the back keeping it like it's like like if they get rid of the music, if they change the music, they're like, right. It would hit different. You're right. The music in the background is borderline ska. Yeah. It is so fast paced. It's like, and there's a cut every, I'm going to say 0.5 seconds.

Yeah. And it is a cut every, I'm going to say, 0.5 seconds. And it is a manic show. Or he goes to Bobby's Burgers and he's just like, Yeah, but he's been at Bobby's for about 45 years. Bobby knows me personally. He knows what I like to order. I walk in the door, he says, Hey, one single with an extra side of fry sauce coming up.

And I go, Hey, he knows he got my fry sauce. Actually, while you say that the best one that they ever did is when guy goes to some college burger place and there's like a sassy old lady who's working the burger station and every time someone orders a burger you have to order it exactly the way that she makes it or else she's gonna yell at you and you have to order it exactly the way she makes it or else she's gonna yell at you and you have to say it a certain way and she's like no that's not how you order a burger sweetie it's great she yells at guy it's so good i love that episode where's that at or what's it called you don't remember uh it's like a i think it's a michigan school like a michigan burger place i do not know the name of it i don't know but he goes there and it's a Michigan school, like a Michigan burger place. I do not know the name of it.

I don't know. But he goes there and it's like, yeah, I want like three Juicy Lucys and a Sasquatch. Like it is so funny. Those are the kind of things I live for. And I'll sit there and watch that and be like, this is pure Americana. This man has tapped into what makes this country so fun. Is that insane stuff? It's definitely one of the shows of all time it is one of the shows of all time i can't say it's good it's not good tv but it's

it's good honestly yeah it's it truly is on television content like it is a youtube video wrapped in an actual tv package yeah but he was doing it before the youtube shows that's what i'm saying like he invented what all these people you see on tiktok or whatever it's like yeah uh today i went to jimmy's chicken shack and i'm gonna rate it five out of five it's all those videos it's the exact same thing guy was doing it first yeah it's by the way i saw you tweet speaking of tiktok i saw you tweet about a tiktok thing about uh what was it it was like some security thing oh yeah uh so speaking of tiktok tiktok Speaking of TikTok, TikTok sucks Sucks And I'm aware that I'm on TikTok But that's because I Literally have a person who

Might be the best editor for TikTok In the world, create videos And put them there, but I spend no time There because I not only just feel Old, but I also realize And we've talked about this before 90% of the content is bullshit Like it is

content mills producing fake outrage videos or fake whatever or it's like some dudes pretending they have a podcast to sell you their stupid course or it's trash the whole thing's trash but um there was a there was a tiktok where it's this girl doing like a, when my husband leaves town, I gotta be safe. And it's her securing her entire house in the craziest way possible. Like putting like insane locks, putting cameras in places where no need for cameras, locking the window.

Like if someone wants to kill you, hey, spoilers to the world. If someone wants to kill you bad enough, they'll just do it. She's like, I got thumbprint scanners. I got like face ID in my door I've got a weird light like a danger flute like just great Little crazy stuff none of that would protect you if someone wanted to get you bad enough They just break the window and get it like you it's she covers the windows like this weird blind like that's gonna stop him

That's gonna get him Then she's like Yeah she got her like safety whistle It's like who's around It's so goofy And more importantly The best part of that is all the comments are just like Who are you hiding from

One of the best ones is this guy was like Are you running from John Wick What are you doing Like what Like anger the Russian are you doing? Like what? Like anger the Russian mafia or some shit? Like what's going on? And so the best part about it, besides the fact that it's an insane video, the best part about it is it's clearly rage bait as well. Because it's asking people to watch her prepare for nothing.

And people are getting outraged. She's doing all this stuff for no reason and it seems insane so people are getting angry and they're responding to it and it's giving it the views that they wanted to begin with you know what we're just talking about right now we're giving them attention right but the sick thing is is beneath that every single product they show in the video has a link to where you can buy it. Oh, yeah. And it's on their store.

So they made an ad, not saying it's an ad, featuring products they want to sell you for home protection, and they make it seem like you're going to need all of them because there's crazies out there. It is the biggest scam. So I was like, this is a video that's designed to be insane and make you angry about how insane it is, but also advertise every product to you. And that's TikTok. And that makes me so mad. That is what TikTok is. That's what your TikTok is.

Not my TikTok. My TikTok is powerful. Sure. See, my algorithm, every time I get one of those shop links at the bottom, swipe right away. I don't even watch it. I'm just like, I'm not buying anything. It's an ad. And then I skip all the ads.

I skip everything. And I just get like the best TikToks. Like I get cats. I get weird scenarios of just like some guy really high. Like the other day I got one. This kid's just really high. He's like probably like 19 or something. He's just like, bro really high like the other day i got one this kid's just really high he's like probably like 19 or something he's just like bro here we go and he's putting like cooked spaghetti into like a spaghetti container he's like just wait just wait and then he's just some

other kids like yo i'm gonna open it up we be quiet. And he opens the thing and it's like, eee! And I was just like, what the shit? That's my TikTok. I get like the dumb high kid shit. I mean, this is also what you do on Twitter and all that stuff. You go on there and you're just like, I can't believe this person did this thing. I'm mad about this thing. It's just, it's now catering it to you.

I think that's just what your internet thing is. I don't want that to be my, I don't want it be i don't want that to be my i don't want to be i don't want to be dude i want to be i don't want to be i don't want to be like the black eyed peas i just want to boom boom boom you know like i don't want to do this there's some days where i wake up i'm like man i should have been a billionaire man i shouldn't i shouldn't have to do all this yeah um let's see what did i oh i have a couple stories i've written down talk to all right so first things first we'll start with food we're talking about diners drive-ins dives uh i was at Trader Joe's, and I got these ghost pepper chips. Wait, time out.

Real quick. Real quick about Trader Joe's. On Instagram, again, I don't know why. I need to, you know what? This sucks. I deleted all this shit off my phone. I still go to it on my web browser. I suck.

I'm terrible at trying to detox. But so, I was on Instagram and you know, because Instagram is now reels are the thing like photos, whatever. You got to make reels, bro. It's literally just like TikTok on Instagram. Yeah, which is so dumb. So we're trying to move our TikTok content over to Instagram so we can get some views

and stuff there. And it's done really well for some things but one of the things that I do while I'm there is, you know, go look at my content, see what the algorithm says, like all that stuff. You know, business, business I do while I'm there is go look at my content, see what the algorithm says, all that stuff. Business, business. But while I'm there, sometimes friends' videos will pop up. And sometimes they like – I don't know what the version is. It's not retweeting, but re-Instagramming.

I don't know. Re-reeling? I don't know what it's called. Instagramming? I don't know. Re-reeling? I don't know what it's called. And so, this one time, this girl posted someone's I guess Trader Joe's

Instagram? Her whole persona is, I'm the Trader Joe's deal girl. That's her thing. She's like, I'm the Trader Joe's deal girl and I'll tell you how to get good deals at Trader Joe's. Or she'll tell you what's in stock and what you gotta pick up. And it seems very brand.

You've got to get this new-but-go-gee stuff at Trader Joe's and it's going to sell out fast. It seems like, is Trader Joe's just paying you to say that? But whatever the case may be, I realized upon watching this and I went down the rabbit hole, she lives in my neighborhood because the Trader Joe's that's on her thing is the Trader Joe's that's across from the Ralph's grocery store that I go to. Oh, yeah. So I've never been to that Trader Joe's except one time with my parents, and I immediately recognized it.

I was like, who? So now I was like, wait a minute. This girl just lives in my area? So I was like, all right, hold on. I got it. So I started scrolling through her shit, and she apparently according to her a world traveler she's all over the place and she's you know there's photos of her and it's like this is me in thailand and i'm telling you dude it was a photo of her on the pier right next to like the restaurant down the street from me.

The one that has the monkey man plane. I was like, stop. This woman's just lying to everybody. And it's like her on planes and going to go travel the world. And then she's like headed off to Japan and then cut to, she's at something down in the middle of LA that like looks pseudo Japanese. She's like,

here I am in Japan I'm like stop girl I hate when they're like look at me I'm traveling all over even when they are traveling all over I'm just like how you doing like they're already rich and they're just doing this for fun we talked about last time a lot of people are just rich to begin with

you know what I mean and so it's all bullshit but like this wasn't even rich this was just faking it till you make it which is fine but it was so funny it's like when i noticed in always sunny in philadelphia when they went to ireland but them being in like down like i don't know where they were in ireland maybe dublin doesn't matter but it was just them in culver city it was so obviously culver city that I was like, it's all ruined. My entire immersion. Anyway, sorry to interrupt. Anyway, ghost pepper

chips. All right. I'm going to this is I'm like the opposite of this girl. These chips suck. So I saw the ghost pepper chips. I'm like, oh, man, you know what? They're like half gone. I was like, I'm going to try these. I kind of want a spicy, spicy chip.

All right. I haven't had some Trader Joe chips in a long time. I was like, let's try it. Tried it. I was like, oh, man, we're see how spicy this is. It's like nothing. I was so disappointed. It literally it it was about as spicy as like a wendy's spicy chicken sandwich

maybe less i'd rather have a wendy's spicy chicken sandwich than just chips to be honest yeah me too and so like they're not bad like they taste okay but i i i was marketed ghost pepper spicy chips it's not there uh so don't get those unless you like the taste of them. But even then, it's a lie. I'm so glad you're here to balance this out because that woman on Instagram would have been like, there's only six bags left. You got to get them right now. Also, I'm traveling to Maui.

Yeah, she definitely would. But no, I'm setting the record straight. Those trips suck. All right. Next up. I had to go return an Amazon thing. By the way, can I just say for the record straight. Those trips suck. Uh, alright, next up. I had to go return an Amazon thing. Wait, by the way, can I just say for the record,

I love the fact that your entire story was, went to Trader Joe's, got some chips, they sucked. Alright, so anyway. Well, I expected them to be good, and they weren't. I was lied to, and that's it. Like, there's nothing more to it. That's it. Yeah, man. Um, they got other good stuff, but that's not one Like there's nothing more to it. Yeah, man.

They got other good stuff, but that's not one of them. It's a lie. So then we had I went to Kohl's because Kohl's has a thing where you can return your Amazon packages there. Right. That's true. Yep. So I was like, all right, I'll just take it to Kohl's. So I went to Kohl's, returned the Amazon thing. I went to Kohl's, returned the Amazon thing.

And I swear to God, the guy working there was like, he had to be like a former preacher or just one of those super hype people. Because the lady in front of me was returning her thing. He's like, man, I bet you're sure glad to be getting rid of this item and getting your money back. And she was like, yeah. And he was like like have a great day ma'am and then i was like all right so i go up and he's like what's up brother you're radiating

excellence today i love this dude i unabashedly love him and then he gave me a fist bump i was like all right and i was like hey you know what you too and I was like, all right. And I was like, hey, you know what? You too. And he was like, right on, right on. And he's like, hey, you have a great day. And I was like, you too. And then I was like, man, that guy is really happy. I would have loved it if you would have turned around. If he was like, have a great day, brother. You turned around and he just wasn't there.

Was he real? Was he an angel? Who was that man? Who knows? It's one of those things. You go up to the wasn't there. Was he real? Was he an angel? Who was that man? Who knows? It's one of those things. You go up to the other employee there. You're just like, man, that guy's really radiating excellence. They're just like, who?

Sir, we shut down Amazon returns two weeks ago. After the terrible accident that claimed the life of our very friendly customer service rep. No, I could have sworn. I was just talking to him. I was just talking to him. They say he appears every Sunday from 3 to 6. But yeah, he's dead. And then it's just like dead, but still alive in the twilight zone.

Yeah, yeah. Some guy has to walk in and be like, this is a normal day in the twilight zone. And you're just like, what's happening? What is going on right now? I'm just returning my Amazon package to Kohl's. Do I get Kohl's cash? Who are you people? what are these cameras which by the way okay then at kohl's i bought uh they had a uh those towels you hang on the oven okay it was it had cats on it yeah those towels that you hang on yeah like oven towel you dry

your hands on them right right right the old oven towel yeah so they had cats on them and i sent a picture to toaster woman she was like oh my god i love those so i was like all right i'll get the cat towels so i got the cat towel they're literally like 11 and then the lady's like do you want to open a kohl's card and i was like no she's like you'll save 30 and i was like that, I'm going to open a new line of credit to save like 50 cents or something. 30 cents. I'm like, no. Why would I do that? That's so dumb.

And she's like, it's 30%. And I was like, no. Like, she was like going crazy for me to open a credit card. She tried to like girl math you. She tried to hit you with the same logic my mom has when she's like, I saved 30%, Jesse. I had to buy it. Like, what? It's like maybe if I'm buying like something for $1,000 in there, like, yeah, I'll open a card.

But not for this. It's a towel. You know what? It's probably the same thing as when you go to a GameStop and they're like, do you want to become a GameStop member? Like they have to. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, it's definitely the same thing. But normally they'll ask you and then be like, do you want to become a GameStop member? Like, they have to. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, it's definitely the same thing.

But normally, they'll ask you and then be like, whatever. But she, like, asked three times. And I was like, no. I'm not doing it. I just don't want to. The third time, I was just like, I just like having one credit card. I don't want more than that. She was like, all right.

And that was it. So anyway, that happened. That. then so at the gym do you remember this is podcast lore you remember it was like half a year ago i was walking at the gym and that woman was like can you please not talk on your phone i do remember was she back so i did see her but this is different so i was i was doing my chest press there was this girl, she's always at the gym in front of me, and she was talking to this one guy, and she was just like, dude, have you ever, like, I, excuse me. And I looked over and I was like, I don't know who this woman is. And she's like, you realize you can't talk on the phone here. And she's like, I was so taken aback. And I was like, oh, sorry. And then she's like, afterwards, I was just like, wait, what's that?

Yes, I can. And then I talked to my dad. He's been coming here 20 years. And he was like, yeah, what the shit? And I was just like, this woman almost got her. She made her rethink reality. And then just instantly, I was was like i know that woman i know who she's talking about i know that phone lady and so uh i didn't say anything because i didn't want to be like i was eavesdropping on your conversation but i was like

dude this is like i'm not the only. This phone lady's getting too far. She wants everybody to stop talking on the phone. But then she'll talk to people she's like next to on the whatever. So like, what's the difference? Hmm. Yeah, strong Karen energy. Like main character vibes. Like, well, if I do it, it's fine. Yeah.

But if you do it, it's fine. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But if you do it, it's rude because you're interrupting my experience. Exactly. That's what I got out of it. So I was like, yeah. And then hearing her say it to this girl, I was like, oh, yeah, it's definitely that. And so I'm happy because now I have somebody else that's experienced what I experienced. I'm not the only one there.

And so I was like, and the guy was like, bro, that's fucked up. And then she was like, yeah. Then the girl literally was like, yeah, what a Karen, bitch. Damn. And I was like, yeah, they're saying my feelings. I'm pretty, this may have not been her husband, but it may have been her husband. It looked like him. So I'm like 70% sure it was him.

may have been her husband it looked like him so i'm like 70 sure it was him but one day when it was five degrees outside i was like i don't want to bring my coat and stuff into the gym and i gotta get a locker and all this stuff i'm just gonna run into the gym from the parking lot in my like short sleeve shirt so like a normal person i was just like ah zero degrees just run there and then the the guy who i think he was like, hey, where's your coat? And I was like, I'm just running it in. And he was like, ha ha. Yeah. But I realized that if it is her husband, then he's also a person that's like, hey, I got to ask this person about the feather.

They're like the they're like those neighborhood patrol people, right? They're like constantly controlling the neighborhood and like things around them. That sounds exactly like the vibe where they must control everyone else. But if you confront them on their own thing, they'll like lose their mind. Yeah.

Or they just, they want to know what's happening. Like they have to always know, like, all right, I need to know what's happening. Is there something happening without my my knowledge? Like I need to know so I can add my opinion in control like that type of thing. Right. Because their opinion is that important. That was a fun story. And then my final thing was we were eating breakfast, and there was this table next to us of this family talking very loudly. And this girl was just like, I swear to God, you could hear her from across the thing. She was just like, yeah, it's my golf podcast. So many people just want to get onto it, but just like, I don't know.

And she was like, literally just talking about her golf podcast. And I was like, what the shit? And then I heard the, I think her dad or somebody used to, he's like, yeah, the podcast, that's everything right now. Podcasts, uh, you know? And then she was like, yeah, i have so many people to get on the podcast but there's just like i don't have the mental energy i just want to again stress to everyone out there by the way i've heard this in la too where someone just loudly talking about

their podcast but i want to stress to everyone krendor and i have been doing this over a decade. I don't think we've had one public conversation about a podcast ever. We've never once been like, yo, dude, on our podcast. Like, it's never happened. I don't. I just. I have never once been like, yeah, dude, the podcast that we do is so good. Right, everyone never it has never happened yeah no i i actively avoid mentioning the podcast and then whenever there are people

that uh like learn about the podcast they're like how's your podcast you do podcast i could probably start a podcast i'm just like yep go for it it's great yep like uh i i don't know i think it's just i think i used to be when i was younger more boastful and annoying but now i'm just like yeah i just do stuff like i don't know i don't feel the need anymore i was i was hoping there'd be a moral in there somewhere. There's really no moral. I guess just it takes a lot of energy, and I don't got a lot of energy. And talking about stuff takes even more energy.

You know? You know what? I do know. I'm aware. I'm aware of that. Yeah. But yeah, outside of that that this is a normal breakfast saw the guys that talk about crispy bacon again that was good um they really did love their crispy bacon

and i i we talked about this before crispy bacon like if you're eating it by itself it's too it's too crispy yeah it's too crispy i don't want like crispy bacon like i like a nice balanced bacon you don't want it to be too floppy and too like fatty still you don't want to be like a hard tack there's a sweet middle and uh yeah i mean i guess it's the same thing people like well done steak. Like, all right, you're allowed to like it. I don't get it, but you're allowed. Yeah. Yeah, I don't get it either.

And then on top of that, it's like, if it's too chewy, it's just like, but then if it's too burned, then it's like, you're just eating the dried, burned piece of meat. Like, I don't know. So yeah, he, but that man, he loves his crispy bacon. I just remember he was like dead set. He's like, I want that crispy bacon. Crispy bacon. And he's like 90 years old.

Man's been eating crispy bacon his whole life. Maybe that's the key. It might be. Idiot's over here eating the fatty bacon, and he's like, burn it off. I just want pure crisp. Maybe he's got key. It might be. Idiot's over here eating the fatty bacon, and he's like, burn it off. I just want pure crisp. Maybe he's got it figured out. He's got to have it figured out.

And that's pretty much everything I wrote down that I've been doing. Good. Wow. I've also been building my Warhammer Old World stuff. You were talking about this. Yeah, you got new stuff in the mail. Yeah, I got the Tomb Kings. I actually got it a while back.

I got it early from the Games Workshop. Thank you, Games Workshop. And I've just been building that. It's great. I'm excited to play. It's like 250 pages of rules. I've been reading them. It's a lot of rules, but...

Too many rules for me. Yeah, you also got to like in the tabletop gaming scene to already kind of understand a lot of them too and then it's just rules on top of those rules it's a lot of rules but i want to let you know how i know i like i know i would hate playing playing but i know now more so because i watched a video of two guys playing because every once in a while i'll be like in a little warhammer thing and i watched a video of two guys playing because every once in a while I'll be like in a little Warhammer thing and I watched a video of two guys playing and they were showing off one of the new like human, the Imperium of Man, like normal army guys. I don't know what they're called, but like, you know, normal army dudes.

Okay. And they're showing off a unit and what he can do. Okay. And they're showing off a unit and what he can do. And so this guy was like, yeah, I use my Tau Eviscerator Cannon or some nonsense. And he's like, if I roll a five or six, I instantly kill all these guys. I'm like, okay. So this guy rolls like 80 die.

Yep. And then he sifts through them all. And he's like, okay, so I kill all of these guys and the dude was like hold on my general or whoever this guy actually because he's waving his flag of war all fire all shots are directed at him but because he has a something something buff every time it's a five or six it deflects the damage and so basically this guy takes every single shot and i was like come on that's stupid that man took every shot from this giant mech get out of town i was like i would hate this this would drive me crazy yeah it's it's a lot well the the hardest part about playing tabletop warhammer stuff is it's like you have to pick what you're

playing so there's like 40k sigmar now there's old world which is just old warhammer fantasy and then you have every game is like similar but different so like for example in 40k you can get within an inch of a unit in the movement phase but in sigmar you can get within three inches you can't go to an inch but then you play old world and this is also an inch but in old world the charge phase is at the start of the movement while in the other two games it's in the the end of the movement is when you charge so it becomes a lot of like a lot of like minute i'm already overwhelmed i'm already completely like like what so it's a three but and then the other one's like a one and then you got and then you get in the movement. Yeah, no.

The minute people break out rulers, I'm out. I'm out. Well, you got to have a ruler. No, you don't. You got to have a ruler. Yeah, you do. You can't play the game without a ruler. That's how you move.

You move in inches. Dude, you got to have a ruler. You do. I love it. Which you would think I would, but would but like i don't know i just i love the the competitive tabletop strategy it's just fun a lot of times i don't play it just to like like be like i'm a meta hardcore gamer like i just like doing dumb shit a lot of the times or like playing uh weird meme things like it's all like when i play orcs in 40k I run the Stompa. And it's like

a third of my army. And it's literally just a big ass trash robot that has like 20 guns and a billion shots. And that's like a third of my army. It's great. I mean that's fun. I enjoy that. I just know that

you need to know the basic rules in order to make that fun. If that makes any sense. And I don't have the patience for that. I just know that you need to know the basic rules in order to make that fun. That makes any sense. And I don't have the patience for that. I can't even get to that phase. Yeah, it's kind of it's also kind of like League of Legends or Dota or any of those where it's like you have to play enough to where you know the other armies. So it's like, oh, I'm playing against this army. I've played against them before, so I know what they do.

But if you don't know what they do, then you're in for a surprise and be like, uh-oh, I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know they could do this. So it's like that type of thing, too. So you just have to know a lot, which is why it's such a steep learning curve. Yeah, no, I'm good. I don't... Same thing with... A great example is

recently, coming up soon is the new Tekken game, but recently we got the new Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter that came out. And I love those types of games to the extent that, same thing with Total War. Or not Total War, Warhammer. But even though Total War is Warhammer games, but Warhammer, I like what it is. I like the lore. I like the concepts.

I think it's really fun. But I'm not going to learn the base mechanics. Same thing with Mortal Kombat. I know how to play fighting games, and I've memorized going to learn the base mechanics. Same thing with Mortal Kombat. I know how to play fighting games, and I've memorized a few finishers and things, but I'm not going to learn footsies, and I'm not going to learn iframes,

and I'm not going to learn counters. I'm just not going to do it, and I never will do it because I just don't have the brain capacity. I got useless Star Wars facts up there. I don't got time to learn what M. Bison's best punisher is up there i don't got time to learn like what m bison's best punisher is like i just don't care yeah i mean you don't even like blood bowl no no i don't blood bowl already had too many rules blood bowl was like well you have a 55

chance i was like that's good enough and everyone's like no it's not like that's why if you're a doctor just tell me the odds like you're like jesse we're gonna we're gonna take you for surgery you've got a 50 chance i'll be like damn that's half a chance that's half a chance yeah don't you know tell me the math i'll i'll dumb it i'll be like yeah that's a 15 that's better than no percent let's go tell me the math I'll dumb it yep yep

yeah so that's really all I got okay well you know what else you could get what some Raycons because look it's 2024 and I'm sure you probably either made a resolution or i don't know maybe you're like me and you're still trying to figure out what you want to commit to

but the best way to get it all done to cruise through your year is with the soundtrack in your head and there's no better way to listen to your favorite podcast like this one or your favorite song creditor what's your favorite song? Go. Any Armin Van Buren podcast songs. All right. That's so very specific but not accurate. You didn't say one thing.

You just said a very specific genre. All right. Well, a WubWub, no matter what it is you're listening to, a solid pair of wireless headphones makes it indispensable for premium audio at the perfect price point. Dude, you gotta get Raycons. Raycon everyday earbuds look, feel, and sound better than ever with optimized gel tips for the perfect in-ear fit. They're not gonna budge anytime soon or drop out of your ears like some in-ear headphones will do. Plus, they've got 8 hours of playtime and 32 hours of battery life. I'm a big fan of the customizable sound profiles.

So, for example, if you love just getting blasted by bass, they have a bass one for you. If you're a jazz lover, they have a balanced sound. They have an awareness mode that allows you to not only have your music on, but also not to the point where it drowns out the world around you. Honestly, it's how I like to go for walks. I like to have my headphones in, but I want to still be aware of the street noise or what's going on around me.

I tried mine out at the gym and they were pretty great. If you want to try Raycon, please go to buyraycon.com slash cox today to get 15% off your Raycon order plus free shipping. That's B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash cox, C-O-X, to score 15% off and free shipping. Buyraycon.com. Also today, we're brought to you by ButcherBox. If you're looking for high quality meat and seafood you can trust, that's 100% grass fed beef, free range chicken, crate free pork, wild caught seafood. You can't do much better than a ButcherBox.

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I was like, yeah. And they were like, we got you. So they sent me a ton of chicken wings. I got chicken wings out the wazoo. So I'm going to make a great amount of chicken wings for the Super Bowl. Very excited. I'm all set. I got a lot of chicken wings, dude.

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Traffic is pretty all right. There's a decent amount of traffic, but nothing too bad. If anything, the worst traffic is just coming in from the snow. The cold weather, people staying inside for the most part, but some people are slipping and sliding, so I would suggest busting out your snow-proof hovercraft, if that's the case. And, you know, yeah. Back to you.

Thanks, Crendor. All right. The snow-proof hovercraft. What the hell is that? I don't know. That guy's crazy. crazy Yeah I don't think anything is really snow proof But okay I don't know if you got one I don't know how it would work

Alright let's go Speaking of snow to weather Weather Weather time Currently the weather Is going to be the weather for yeah yeah uh let's see i got a whole bunch of weather requests let's go with this one weather request for wandong victoria shout out to wandong i've never been there but I drove past it recently. Thought you'd find the name mildly amusing.

I want to know, you drove past it. Where were you headed? Wandong is north of Melbourne. Oh, this is Australia? Yeah. Wandong is north of Melbourne. So my question for you is, where were you going? So I've been, I can't say I've been all over Australia.

That's a lie. I've been to the southern part of Australia. I've been to three cities on three separate trips. Melbourne, Sydney, and Canberra. I've been to those three. If everyone asks why I went to Canberra and no one's there, what the hell were you doing driving north of Melbourne? Where were you going? Where were you driving to?

There's nothing out there, dude. There's nothing out there. Maybe they were driving to Melbourne. I guess. Maybe they live out in Mitchelstown. They got to drive through Wandong and get to Melbourne. There you go. Look at that. You're always thinking of driving out of Melbourne. They'd probably drive into it.

Maybe they live out in Kangaroo Flat or Porcupine Ridge. This literally... These are like made-up names. These are like the most goofy made-up names. I mean, all names are made-up if you think about it. Well, they are, but these are a special type of made up.

There's a place here called Marumpa? Yeah, right next to Tulamba. Marupna and Tulamba. I love these names. I wish American names like... Tally Garupna. There's Tally Garupna. Bunbartha.

Love that name. Kumbuna. Kumbuna rules. I love Kumbumbuna kumbuna also appears to be just one road oh yeah it is uh oh my god makata the murk yundul major plan there's major planes grambatambat East, Bungie Weest. Dude, I could just read these names all day. Hold on, let me do the actual weather first. Sorry, yeah alright.

64 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 63 currently with the 16 mile an hour winds high. 66 low 50, 59% humidity humidity 29.95 inches of pressure visibility 10 miles 622 a.m sunrise 839 p.m sunset dew point 50 uv index extreme with a waxing gibbous moon phase checking out the 10 day we've got 83, mostly sunny tomorrow. 86 with AM showers. On Wednesday, we've got 81 with showers on Thursday. 71 partly cloudy on Friday.

69, nice, partly cloudy Saturday. And Sunday, 79, partly cloudy with Monday. 87, mostly sunny. So it's pretty warm, except for a few days where it rains. Question to the Aussies out there real quick. Yeah. What's the deal with Tasmania? What's going on with that?

Yeah, I don't know. Like what's like New Zealand. Everyone talks about New Zealand, mostly because Lord of the Rings, but like what's the deal with Tasmania? Ever since the devil stopped working there. Like what's the fun?

What's going on? If you live in Southern Australia, you going to Tasmania ever since the devil stopped working there like what's the vibe what's going on if you live in southern Australia you going to Tasmania what do you do in Tasmania Tasmanians what's what's going on there uh yeah is the the Tasmanian devil like move there like I don't know I don't know what that vibe is like i i clearly see that you're driving through the middle of nowhere australia so my question to you is have you been across the the straight there down to tasmania and what's going on there yeah next episode can we get a tat someone frommania, can we do a weather report on your town? What's going on with that? We got – let's see.

Sweet treats. Because I'm looking through Wang Dong, and I love Wang Dong. It's great. There's a place called the Magpie and Stump Hotel. Big fan of that. I found sweet treats by Channy, and Channy's got some good sweet treats. Let's be clear. I see that too, and I think that's all I see.

I'm looking at this place. I see a primary school. I see sweet treats. I see nothing else. Not a damn restaurant to be seen. Channy made a crocodile cake. That's pretty good. Wait, we got the Tab Magpie hotel and stump hotel that's what

i'm saying that's what i found and it looks like a place that if you're local you or a biker apparently you go there and you get like a chop and i'm sure it's fine but that's the only two places i can see scroll down i, I already scrolled down. I found what looks to be a chicken burger with some dope-ass looking chips, and I am here for it. Did you find the old miner man? I found a couple who got married, it looks like. I found... Oh, shit!

That is a... Whoa, you weren't even lying. I know. That's what I'm saying you weren't even lying. I know. That's what I'm saying. This guy looks like he came in from the mine. He's still covered in mine dust, but he's also drinking a wine, which makes it even funnier. That is funny. That's me.

He's drinking like a classy-ass wine. If you keep scrolling down, there's literally a giant iron statue that looks like Iron Man, but with neon lights for legs. And I am here for it. Oh yeah, I see that. There's also, for some reason, a lot of gambling here. Like a lot of gambling. Oh yeah, there is a lot of gambling. Don't know what that's

about, to be honest, but I'm also confused because there, I still, dude, there's nothing, like I went and looked for food nearby yeah and nearby there's a place called dundies yeah which is fish chips and burgers but that is it as i scroll out and keep scrolling there's the magpie stump hotel dundies there's the fit for all the foodery wangdong which i guess is a gas station the next closest thing is a subway one town over which is or a mcdonald's which is

one town south yeah what what were you doing I guess. What are you doing driving through? Were you going to a national park? Where are you headed? What are you doing? This would be like if I said to Crandor, yes, the other day I was driving through and then insert small town America. I would want to know. All right. Where are you going?

What were you doing? I clearly weren't going there. I still think they live in like Nagambe. They're just driving through to get to Melbourne. Then what do you? All right. Tell in like Nagambe. They're just driving through to get to Melbourne. All right, tell me about Nagambe. But I feel like here's the thing. Someone driving through Wangdong isn't going to be like, well, yo, yo, you guys should check out this little tiny town

instead of their own tiny town. I love tiny towns. I'm just trying to figure out what you were doing there. Yeah. Because Wangdong is like on the way to melbourne so like yeah it's gonna be one of the places you drive through if you're coming in from where they out there yeah okay but if you came in from out there you also drove through places like uh blattum and violet town there's literally a literally a Violet Town. They drove through Batagini.

They drove through all sorts of places. Wangrata. Or Woodonga. What I'm saying is there's a place called Wagga Wagga. Depending on where you came from, there are other places that you could have used. Why specifically here? Where are you coming from? There's's a place called coolamon you there's a place called kudamundra you could be going anywhere and you chose this one why i think they just drove because it's wayne dong

it's got dong in the name it's true that's funny that's definitely why they chose it yeah that's pretty good that that works it's like that one weathered australia one it was like booby town or something do you think people live in booby town are like yeah no we get it we we understand look i'm just trying to make a living they're probably it's named after the bird you're just like hey boobies i get it uh there's a place called Yabba, and then next to it, Yabba North. And Yabba South. I love Yabba. Yabba North and Yabba South are great.

You don't trust those Yabba South people. It's all about Yabba North. Dude, I found a Meringaroo and the Doctor's Gap. Oh, God. I love all this. This is great. I'm there's a certain point where I just don't know why you're traveling. If you're on the coast of Australia,

there's a lot to see and do, but the more you go inland, I don't know what the hell you're doing. That's it's just desert. I can, I can literally just spend all day looking at these, but there's one called conja boy that's like a superhero yeah uh but that's the weather all right let's go to sports

sports currently at the sports desk we've got sports uh we had the nfl good thank god we had the nfl divisional playoffs the lions defeated the buccaneers to go to the nfc championship game the 49ers defeated the packers sadly to go to the nfc championship game uh the ravens defeated the texans to go to the afc championship and currently the chiefs are beating the bills 27 24 with two minutes to go so somebody's about to win that and i hope it's the Bills because I always like the Bills because I like the Buffalo logo. Someone got to give the Bills a chance.

You know what I mean? Let them have this one. Being a person who's spent many years in Buffalo, there's really that and wings, y'all. It's not much. It's not much. Let them have it. There's not much. Let them have it. It's not much.

Yeah. Speaking of the Buffalo Sabres, they are currently almost last place still. I don't know. They've been bad for so long. You'd think they'd flip it eventually. The Bruins are in first.

The Rangers are in first. The Winnipeg Jets are in first. The Avalanche right behind them and the Vancouver Canucks are in first. The Rangers are in first. The Winnipeg Jets are in first with the Avalanche right behind them. And the Vancouver Canucks are in first. Baseball, there's the offseason still happening, but don't look now. We're only a couple of months away from spring training. Yo! Ayo. And then the NBA, Boston Celtics in first place in the East

with the Bucks and 76ers right behind them. And the Timberwolves first place in the East with the Bucks and 76ers right behind them. And the Timberwolves first place in the West with the Thunder and Nuggets right behind them. And that is sports. All right. What is our fact of the day? Fact of the day. The Pope cannot be an organ donor. I mean, I guess I understand.

I guess. Is it just specifically the Pope, or is it more of a... If you're like a priest down the street, can you be an organ donor too, or is it like, that's a no-no? I don't know. It just says the Pope. down the street can you be an organ donor too or is it like that's a no-no i don't know it just says the pope do you think it's because people are concerned that if i for example get the pope's kidney that i'm a little bit more jesus-y it might be yeah does it make me automatically like could i

go to the church and be like i am part of the old pope thus i should be the new pope do you think that's what it's about i think it probably would be there'd be people fighting over the pope's organs yeah like i have the pope's heart which makes me more of a pope than you pope liver guy yeah jesse cox 10 pope i'm 10 baby uh another fact there were more act or there were active volcanoes on the moon when dinosaurs were alive. Interesting. Although that was long enough ago that, yeah, that probably checks out. Yeah. So, look at that.

Moon volcanoes and dinosaurs. Was that before after the aliens hollowed it out and made it into a moon base? Probably before. No wait. Okay. Mmm, it's a moon base? Probably before. No wait. Okay. I don't know. It's got to be close. Yeah, maybe the lava was the terraforming by the aliens.

I'll have to go watch someone's TikTok on it. Yeah, that's probably the best course I actually scientifically. Yeah, that checks out. Right, right, right. That's your fact of the day. Okay, what is our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day okay what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day day day day day day um so this is the story that we did not do last week perfect or the other way whatever whatever it was yeah okay alabama man oh no

shocks shoppers with x-rated plunge into bass pro shop aquarium i saw the video of this yep uh the man later left the water to yell at two officers then drove back into the tank police said so in leeds alabama a man crashed his car outside a bass pro shop in alabama stripped down to his birthday suit and plunged into the giant aquarium inside the store police said your deal happened thursday night in front of shocked shoppers in the town just outside birmingham leeds police chief paul erwin said the 42 didn't really shock them like i gotta be Your deal happened Thursday night in front of shocked shoppers in the town just outside Birmingham, Leeds Police Chief Paul Irwin said. The 42-year-old.

Did it really shock them? Like, I gotta be honest. At the Bass Pro Shop outside of Birmingham, did really a dude jumping in shock them? Hmm. I don't know about that. Yeah, I don't know if it shocked them. They're probably like, it's just Phil doing his stupid Phil thing again. Like, I don't know if that's shocking. I probably like it's just phil doing his stupid fail thing again like i don't know that's shocking i feel like that's something they've seen quite often uh the ordeal happened there's a night in front of a shock shopper oh yeah i just said that

uh the 42 year old alabama man did a cannonball leap into the aquarium then stood under a waterfall he left the water to yell at two officers then dove back into the aquarium, then stood under a waterfall. He left the water to yell at two officers, then dove back into the aquarium, police said. I like that he took the time to get out and be like, don't tell me what I can't do, and then jump back in. Yep. The man eventually climbed over the side of the aquarium and fell to the concrete floor below.

Police then apprehended him him the news site reported uh he faces several charges including public lewd public lewdness disorderly conduct and criminal mischief the man was in the water for about five minutes before officers arrived so let me just ask again do we know why he did it no that is always the question we never get the answer to not once ever and i just the entire time like okay yeah no we all know he jumped in why did he jump in nothing not one part of that story was about that man jumping in it was all about the aftermath but no one cares about the aftermath i want to know why he did it yeah it's and there's

no like updates they're not like we figured it out everybody where's the tale the the big time news that like there's nothing hold on okay why did alabama man jump in aquarium but why alabama.com help me out here why oh all right see alabama.com january 8th leads man on drugs there you go that's all i needed that's the only answer i needed 14 year old man jumped in because he was on drugs that's it that explains everything i don't need any more than that yeah there we go. At least we got our answer. Drugs. But again, for them to say shocked, people were shocked. I don't

believe that for a minute. I think they know exactly what they were getting into. They were like, no, we know. We understand. So, yeah, I mean, he took a bunch of drugs and he was like mass pro shop waterfall i gotta go in there and then he did it yeah and then he did it um so there you go that's your big news story of the day Alright

Well that's it for us Thanks so much for listening and watching And if you're enjoying this podcast Crandor hit em with the socials We've got socials You got yourself a youtube.com slash coxandcrandorpodcast All one word Go check out all the podcasts

Also they're playlisted by year They're playlisted by all of them. You can listen to whatever. Also, go to youtube.com slash coxandcrendor for all the animations. What? Oh. Also, we got, uh, all of SoundCloud,

iTunes, Spotify, we're all over there. And, you can go check us out on our main things. YouTube.com jessicox, youtube.com crendor, twitch.tvcom jesse cox youtube.com crendor baby twitch tv jesse cox twitch tv crendor uh facebook jesse cox facebook crendor twitch i already said twitch twitter jess cox twitter crendor jesse cox tick tock tick tock crendor instagram notorious cox instagram crendor was taken and uh yeah patreon jess cox patreon crendor Instagram, CrendorWasTaken. And, uh, yeah. Patreon, Jess Cox. Patreon, Crendor.

YouTube, WarhammerCrendor. YouTube, CoxClips. YouTube, CrenClips. You okay? Nope. That's it. All right. Well, that's it for us.

Thanks so much. See y'all next time. And, as always, Woo! To be continued.