Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 419 - Have Fun, Not Hurt

Episode Date: March 18, 2024

The boys are back and this time Jesse travels to a bar for St. Patrick's Day while Crendor ends up at a weird restaurant and strange conversations. Somehow this leads to Crendor being a background dancer for Eminem. Also look how topical we are - it's a tiktok convo! All this and a man sticking antiques up his butt, on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Go to http://butcherbox.com/cox and use code COX to choose your free offer and get $20 off. Come see Cox n' Crendor Live! https://t.co/EeWQDuVDe1

Today's episode is brought to you by ButcherBox. ButcherBox has got them good meats coming directly to your home. Now let's jump into this podcast. Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trend Dog. This is Trend Dog in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded.

Live, live, live, live, live. In for our recording studio audience. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's the next Crendor game of the morning. Happy, happy, happy, happy. Crendor is the best. Hello, everybody.

You're watching another episode of Cacks and Crendor. I have a live show on July 13th. Tickets are on sale now. You'd be a fool not to go. We've got exactly 50 tickets left. We're almost at capacity. Get in there now while you can, or else you're just going to miss out, and that's your own problem in the morning.

What a segue. Thank you. Actually, it kind of wasn't even a segue. It was just all one thing. There was no period or comma in there. It was just one run-on sentence yeah it's like my dad texted me how's your uh morning going i'm uh man i'm like running a little on empty last night was our deal deal our deal friend that's right pickle's right. Your dill pickle friend.

My dill pickle friend, Michelle Morrow's birthday. So we went to a barcade, and it had some great sour beers, and it was fun. And I played the X-Men game, and that was fun. But most of the games were old, and so most of the people in there were pushing old. I was so happy. I was expecting to be in a room filled with little baby kids. And this was not that. This was great.

I was so thrilled. Yeah, yeah. This was fantastic. So I had a good vibe. I will say, much like every other L.A. bar, the bartending was terrible. Just the worst. It was mostly me waiting for the, I'm going to say six bartenders who were ignoring everyone. Six?

There were six bartenders, and they just, I don't know what the hell they were doing. But I do understand that they were doing something because there was a guy next to me who was like, hey, hey, hey. And they're like, yes, what, what, what? And he's like, I, you got to give me my credit card. And they're like, um, what's your name? And he goes, Don, what? He's like, I'm sorry, what's your name? And he goes, Don Gagol. I'm like, what? He's like, Don Gagol. I'm like, I'm sorry, what?

And he goes, Don Gagol. And the woman looks at him and is like, turns around, goes to another guy and says he needs to get his credit card. I think he's trying to, like, close out. And the guy walks up. He's like, hey, sir, here, trying to close out. And he goes, I got a credit card. Got my credit card. He's like, what?

And he goes, got to go. And he's like, can you spell that? And he's like, Stevens. What? And he's like, so your last name Stevens is that PHV? And he goes like So your last name's Stevens Is that P-H-V? And he goes But

But No Stevens Stevens And I'm like What is he saying? What is happening right now? He's talking like Simlish

Yes He's speaking He was And then And the whole time I could barely see him Because there was like A really tall guy next to me

And when the tall guy leaves And this like little girl comes up, I look over at this dude. He is gone. He is so drunk. He's slumping on the counter. I'm shocked that he could even mouth words, let alone say whatever the hell he was saying. But I think he was saying, I'm think he was saying I'm trying to go or I have to go. I don't know. He shouldn't go anywhere because that guy was very

drunk. I honestly don't. I don't know. I have no answers for you about what was going on with that dude. It was wild though. That sounds wild. I mean, if you can't pronounce words, that's usually a bad sign.

But he could pronounce his last name. A really bad sign. That's what, like, it was a lot of words that didn't sound like words. He was like, I'm going to go. It sounded like, if you've ever seen Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the episode where Charlie gets really drunk and tries to play baseball. At the end, they have to do subtitles for him because he's so drunk. That's the exact same vibe.

It was just like, I don't know what this man is saying. I don't think the bartenders know, but they're trying to find his credit card. And then here's the best part. I'm waiting for the guy finally pouring my beer. And the guy walks up to him again. He's like, okay, so I look for Stevens with a PH and a V. That's not in there. What is your last name?

The guy's like, I don't know. I'm going to put some Stevens. I'm like, what? Is he just saying the name Stevens? I don't know what's going on And they're like there's no one with that last name And one of the other bartenders Is like maybe try first name

And the guy is like there's not I typed in there's not a Steven In there at all I don't know what the hell This guy's trying to do meanwhile the guy The more angry the bartender is getting the more this guy At the bar slumping down Just kind of falling Asleep at the bar andumping down, just kind of falling asleep at the bar. And finally, the little girl next to me, like, knocked him because she's like, you're leaning on me.

Classic. Yeah, yeah. And then I got my beer and I was like, well, I no longer care about this situation, so I will be leaving. I have no idea what happened with this dude. Couldn't tell you. Yeah. I mean, they probably got their money somehow, someway. We will see. We will definitely see.

I mean, I don't think we're going to see. Unless, like, something pops up in the news. Like, local drunk man Stevens crashes car into lake or some shit. I don't know. I promise you, his name is not stevens i don't know what's going on there but it's not stevens yeah no it's not stevens no way uh when this was just like at the barcade right like it was just some dude it was so like it was packed i assume because it's the night before st patrick's day so it was packed with people there's so many people

there plus michelle's birthday plus i think two other birthdays it's uh it's Day. So it was packed with people. There were so many people there. Plus Michelle's birthday. Plus, I think, two other birthdays. It's like an old, it's a huge bar with multiple bars in it and then a bunch of just old games. Like it had even games where it, like the guns. You know how the light guns? It's whatever was before light guns where you like shoot and like a thing would hit like a metal ball or something. Wild stuff. So some very cool games were there and it was thing would hit like a metal ball or something wild

stuff so some very cool games were there and it was fun i played a bunch of stuff but uh yeah i was just surprised that it was a lot of older people um but then again i don't imagine this is like a it wasn't a holiday themey saint patrick's thing and i know most times a younger crowd wants to go get shwasted at a legit bar that's like, we got green beer and everyone's green and this is where the girls is. There were a lot of women at this place, but it was, you know,

it wasn't like hot co-eds in your area. It was like 35-year-old moms of two, probably. Yeah. I mean, plus, like, usually if it's like old-ass arcade games, most people going to play those are probably older people wanting to play nostalgic arcade games. Although there's probably a few Zoomer people that would do that. There definitely were. When I was going in, I was behind in line getting IDs checked with this group of three.

And it was, like, two of the dorkiest dudes who ever lived and their, I assume college roommate friend, who is this young girl who looked like she was 12. Like she looks so young. I was like, you know what? That's how I know that we are not even on the same wavelength. You look like a child. You look like a child.

I, I, I'm worried you should be here. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But she clearly got the ID. so they let her in and i was like okay all right baby you little you little baby child go have fun so there were a few of them around but for the most part it was uh a lot of dudes that look like they worked as writers in hollywood that's the best way i can describe it and if you've ever wondered what does that mean?

Just look up, like, stereotypical Hollywood writer. It's pretty much the vibe. I get it. Yeah. I also just imagine that girl running in, like, go in there, baby. And she's like, goo-goo-ga-ga. It's like starts crawling around. It's like, she's part baby.

What are you going to do? Which, admittedly, I know she's probably like 21, 22, which you're not a child. You're a grown-ass adult. I get it. But also, at a certain point, it all blends together. You start looking like... It's like 28 plus, you look a little more adult.

I need you a little more worn out by the world before I consider you an adult. It's the wear down. Yeah, I need planet Earth to just wear you down, right? And if you don't have that, you're a baby. Yeah, no, I think that's what happens. You get older, and then everybody just starts looking younger, because you become more worn down and older.

And you're just like, man, everybody's just like babies right it's i mean i look back at my old photos when i was in high school i'm like who is this baby child yeah i'm like god look at this baby face what the hell kind of man like look at this goober yeah and that's like me at 18 i'm like who the hell is this so yeah no it's definitely an older thing but man i go back like six years and i look like a totally different person that's true you but you yeah i don't really know how to explain that i don't have a whole different arc though like i yeah i went through the the the gallbladder the buff door stage, I grew all my hair. It's just everything hit.

So I think it really amplified everything. Yeah, I don't know what it was. In the early 2000s, you kind of had like a I should be a background singer for Eminem look. I really did. You had this look that's like, I only tour

with Eminem. He's the guy I go I follow all his concerts You have that vibe And then you just like aged up Yeah I wore like the baggy jeans I had like my domo shirt I had like my buzz cut I had like no hair no beard

Maybe like the chin strap Like a bit of a goatee And I was just kind of like, I'm in the 2010s. I don't like anything, you know? Yep. That was pretty much it. I had a conversation with a guy the other day, and he was like, you know, it upsets me so much how some people just try to stay so positive.

It's okay to hate stuff. I was like, let me tell you something. I'm going to let you know something right now. At a certain point in your life, you'll realize that the few things you love are really all you have left. And so you're just like, I love them so much. And you don't want to deal with any of the stuff you hate. You're just over it. You're like, I can't be bothered.

I don't want to interact with it. I'm only going to focus on the stuff I love because I don't have that much more time. I really don't care about the rest. I was like, when you get there, I will welcome you with open arms. But until then, I guess stay mad, bro. I don't know how to help you. Yeah, like there is a point where you just kind of hate everything. I think early 20s, you're just very like you're trying to be adult, but you're still, like, trying to be cool, like, high school kid.

And you're, like, it's all blending together. And then you're just kind of, like, cynical and, like, I don't know. Because you think you know everything. Yeah, you think you know everything. You think you know everything. Yeah. And then you just, like you say, you get worn down. You're just, like, I don't know everything.

Just everything, you're just, your pains start. And you're just like man i just i just want to have fun and not hurt you know it's just it's really what it is yeah and what's and and with that in mind i've fluctuated in the past between um using social media and not using social media and removing some of my phone and and all stuff. And so I was very, you know, I've been very good about like no Twitter on my phone, that kind of thing. I don't have it on there anymore. But I got to the point where I was like, I got to remove.

I did only have Reddit and Instagram and Instagram only because I don't know how to use it on my PC at all in any way. So I have to use it on my phone. But for Reddit, I, you know, was the one thing I'd be like, all right, I'll read an article or two or whatever. But I finally just got mad at Reddit and ruined it for my phone too because what ended up happening is there was a bunch of posts going around about this girl who was assaulted at a hotel.

Like she was – it might have been a bar. It was called like the Something Inn, which is why I thought it was a hotel. Like she was, it might have been a bar. It was called like the something inn, which is why I thought it was a hotel at first, but it could very well be a bar because it looked like a bar. But she was there hanging out, getting drunk with one of her friends. And then I guess she got a little too rowdy

and was told to leave by security. And she gives this crazy story about how like they threw her downstairs, and they harassed her, and, like, basically beat her up. And everyone was so upset for her, and so mad. Like, how could they? How could they do this? And then, within days, the restaurant slash bar slash hotel, whatever it is, releases

all the security cam footage, and it's literally just her walking out with the security guards. Yeah. And I once again was reminded and it's literally just her walking out with the security guards yeah and i once again was reminded it's all bullshit it's all lies everyone's just lying for the sake of like notoriety on the internet i'm like i can't anymore so i was like goodbye reddit like i just i was like i'll when i'm at the office if i have downtime i'll go on you but like i don't i can't do this anymore. Social media is a mess. Just the worst. Yeah. And it used to be bad. Now it's even worse.

Yeah. Yeah. But also in ways that are just so dumb that we're actively trying to make it worse, too, where it's like, we don't want the Chinese government to have access to TikTok. But it's like, but all the American companies have access to every other one. Yeah, but they don't want the Chinese ones to have it. Right, right, right, which is so funny to me. The American ones are fine. They can have all our data.

Yeah, like Elon and Zuckerberg and Bezos, they can have all your data. Spectrum, they can have all your data. But Chinese, we don't want them to have that. And I'm like, all you're going to do is piss off young kids. It's not going to change anything. You're just going to piss off kids. It's just like the people act like they're taking my data. What are they going to do is piss off young kids. It's not going to change anything. You're just going to piss off kids. It's just like, people act like they're taking my data. What are they going to do?

What are they going to do with your data? Are they going to use it against you? I don't know. I don't care. It has the same vibe as when parents punish a kid because of something that is influencing them like you can't hang out with that kid anymore or you can't play this game or you can't go to this place or do this thing when really it should be the parents stepping in and being like here's what's wrong with it here's what's bad use your good judgment instead the government

is like we're canceling a thing we we're deleting a thing, or potentially we will, because we don't like that they have the ability to use the algorithms against viewers. And it's like, all right, well then shouldn't you, as the government, be training the citizens of the United States to recognize things like this, like being scammed or more importantly, being lied to or manipulated or, you know, propagandized to, shouldn't you be working on that? Like teaching people how to recognize this? It's like, no, no, no, we're just going to remove it or give it to an American company and have them do the exact same thing, but it's American. So it's fine. Yeah. It's because they all do it too. Yeah, absolutely. That's it. That's the, it's American, so it's fine. Yeah, it's because they all do it too. Yeah, absolutely. That's it. That's the, it's like the, there's like the Steve Jobs versus Bill Gates thing, and they're like fighting. And I remember the Bill Gates quote where he was like,

you're just mad because we both went to steal a TV and I stole it first. Something like that. That's what a lot of these things are. They're like, I wanted to take advantage of the people first, and you got there before I did. That's all a lot of these things are. They're like, I wanted to take advantage of the people first, and you got there before I did. That's all it is. Everybody's just trying to take advantage of everybody, no matter where you are.

It absolutely sucks because, like, I absolutely don't want, you know, a foreign adversary to manipulate young kids. But at the same time, we freely allow internal adversaries and people who are up to no good to manipulate kids so like yeah if it's in them if the call is coming from inside the house it's okay to let the chill the killer chill i wouldn't even want my kids watching youtube there's like some crazy shit on youtube the pipeline to insanity is so fast it's wild The pipeline to insanity is so fast. It's wild. Yeah, it's gonna, it's like, listen, there's like weird shit when I was growing up, but like for the most part, you know, I was watching like cable television. That was like regulated a bit. But like then when I started seeing the crazy YouTube shit, I was already like a teenager.

So I feel like it kind of like kind of impacts you, but like not fully, but like when you're like three years old watching it, now we got to see what happens. It's like a science experiment. There's like, if government wants to do something real, they should just regulate all social media and just be done with it. Because I don't want to live in a world where they're like, well, we can't have these guys have the algorithms. At the same time, we live in a world where a bunch of assholes can harass people at a grocery store for a TikTok video. You know what I mean? If we're going to fix all this, let's make sure we fix it instead of just like, no, no, no.

We don't want to fix it. We just want to Americanize it so we make the money. It's like, I'm so over it. So, no. We don't want to fix it. We just want to Americanize it so we make the money. It's like, I'm so over it. So, yeah. My phone continues to have no value to me now. I have less and less on my phone. It's really messed up. Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's that messed up.

I think it's just, it's like a sane thing to do. That's like what I do. I have all my social media stuff like buried away in a folder. And then if I need to go look at it, I have to go through like three steps. So I'm like, do I truly want to go there? And most of the time I'm like, no. So that's how I kind of get around that. Plus there's like other stuff I'd rather do.

I just end up doing that. Yeah, I will say not having that stuff on my phone, because that was earlier this week, and not having my stuff on my phone, I managed to get to the gym three times this week. I was feeling great. So life is good. There you go. You're going down the Crenndorpe. You know, I'm feeling pretty good about it. I was like, three times this week? That's better than usual. Yeah, soon you'll be going every day. God help me. If I could find the time to go every day, I'd be so happy. I mean, you can find the time. I mean, I don't know.

I don't know. Sometimes it's like a work day is last from 9 to 5, which means I even have to get up early or do it after 5. And that's what I did three times this week was after five I went. But it's also just like, man, you know how it is some days. You're like, what if instead I just died? I'd say like three or four days a week is still pretty good. I would rather be five, but what are you going to do? I mean, I wasn't even going to go today, and then I was like, nah, I can go.

I did cardio for 20 minutes. Well, there you go. Yeah. We also went and ate St. Patrick's Day food today. That was fun. What does that mean? Did you get like shepherd's pie? What did you do?

Or cabbage? Toaster woman got corned beef and cabbage. Love it. Solid. or cabbage uh toaster woman got corned beef and cabbage love it i got i got the it was like a cottage pie they called it which is essentially right because it's lamb no wait lamb is shepherds cottage is beef yeah cottage is beef so it's like beef and like the little pearl onions it's like carrots peas and potatoes that's not bad yeah it was pretty good, peas, and potatoes. That's not bad. Yeah, it was pretty good.

I liked it. And then we had some alky halls, pretty solid. And then we just watched other people there. I was about to say, was this place packed with a bunch of drunks? It actually wasn't that bad. Normally, when we went the last couple years, it was insane. But today we went, and it's because everybody went out drinking yesterday. Right.

Because it was the weekend. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, they're like, oh, we'll just do like pre St. Patrick's day on Saturday. So then they wake up on Sunday and they're hung over,

but nobody wants to drink on Sunday and then be hung over on Monday. Cause they gotta go to work. But me, I don't care. Uh, so I was like, whatever. So we was nice because it was like just there's like some groups of people and they're just like and they're all drinking having their green beer and there's like some old people there's actually quite a few old people they were just like oh very nice sunday afternoon time for dinner. Even though it was like our lunch. But you knew it was their dinner.

They're like, time for bed at 7 p.m. Like my parents. And so there was one conversation where these people, these like three old people sat down like right next to us. Like they just pulled up chairs. But they didn't talk to us. They were just sitting like looking at each other. It was kind of weird. I was was like why don't you sit at a table wait were they at your table or were they at a different table just next to you so there's like our table and then there's like three other tables around us right like four corners okay

and then they just sat in the middle of the tables. Like, not even at a table. Like, they pulled up chairs to sit and look at each other in the middle of the four tables. Did they say anything to each other? Yeah, they were all talking to each other. But, like, they could have just sat at a table. Yeah, but I think maybe they wanted the closeness. Was it loud? I think it was kind of loud.

They had, like, a band playing. They probably didn't want to sit across from each other at a table. They probably wanted to be, like, up in each other's faces, maybe? That's, yeah, that's what I was kind of thinking, but it was still weird. Look, I'm not saying it's not weird. I have no answers for you. So they're sitting, and then this, like, old Irish man, definitely old Irish man, he was like, all my shots for us. And then his, like Irish man. He was like, oh, my shots for us.

And then she's like his like wife or whatever. It's like, oh, I don't want a shot. And then he's just like, yeah, we're shots. We got to get shots. And then the like bartender guy came out and he's like whiskey and whatever. And then they're like, and then they all took their shots. I think the the bartender also took a shot as one does. And then the guy.

What was the phrase they used? Whiskey and whatever? Whiskey and whatever. But my favorite was there's the guy and his wife and this other guy there. And the other guy they were talking to, I don't know if it was his friend or some random dude. And they're asking him what he does and he said and i quote what i do is i sell beer by the truckload to grocery stores so is it beer delivery driver i guess he's a beer delivery driver but like i found it weird that he said he sells it by the truck so like does he just pull

up and he's like you want to buy beer you're asking the right questions I did yeah, I'm a little I'm a little confused, but maybe he does just have a truck full of beer, and he's like hey You want beer? Yeah, cuz I was genuinely curious And then they do the thing that all the news articles do where they're like oh, that's really cool Then they just move on and I'm'm like, is nobody going to ask him? There's so many questions, and nobody asks him any of the questions. So I was confused after that and kind of disappointed.

Yeah. I mean, I would imagine he's just trying to hype himself up. People just do that. But maybe, maybe he really does just have a truck full of beer that he then drives around and sells to people he's like not even licensed he's just got like beer in his truck driving around he went to the grocery store bought some six packs and was like hey guys i'm selling some some beer if you want to buy some yeah uh that'd be a fun story uh kind of uh and then you know there's there's them there was uh i went to the bathroom and then i was gonna wash my hands and the soap thing wasn't working and then the guy was like here they

must have ran out yesterday and i was like oh, oh, yeah. And he's like, this is the other soap over there. And there's, like, one of the, like, pump soaps. I was like, oh, yeah, it must be that. And he's like, yeah, they must have run out yesterday. And I was like, yeah, they probably did. And he's like, yeah. And then he just walked out. I love the, like, old man laugh.

Like, eh. I love the old man laugh. Yeah, the other day I was getting into the elevator and this old man, and I'm going to say he looks 90 and she looked 70, but she looked younger than him. He's like young, hot wife. You know what I mean? They get on the elevator with me and he's like, hey, I know you. And I'm like, yeah, how's it going? And he's like, I haven't and i'm like yeah hey how's it going he's like i haven't seen you in a while what have you been up to it's like oh just working he's like hey i get it i get it yeah maybe you should use that money and buy a fancy car and i'm like well

maybe i should got any recommendations and he's like my friend there's no fancier car than the one with the lady on your arm. And I was like, what? And he, like, held his wife, girlfriend, I don't know who she was. And I laughed. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like, lady will make any car look good. And they got off the elevator. And I was like, what an interaction.

Did she have any expression on her face? She, like, smiled. I don't know. Again, she was an LA 70. So there's a lot of Botox going on there in the face. So she smiled. But I don't know if she was laughing because I couldn't tell. They probably, like, got together when he was, like, 60 and she was, like, 40 or something.

Probably. She's just like, hey, was like 40 or something. Probably. She's just like, hey, I gotta fix my car up. And he just keeps behind her plastic surgery or something. Yeah, it was a real treat. That's, you gotta love LA. I do tremendously. Love it a lot. Yeah, that's pretty much it.

I mean, everybody else there is just like chilling. It actually wasn't too crazy, which part of me like, part of me doesn't like. I like it. I like when it's crazy because there's like fun stories, but I also don't like when it's crazy because then you can just kind of chill. Sure. It's like you get the sometimes, you know, it's more fun to have one or the other, but you get a good blend. I at least got that story out of it.

Yeah, sometimes it's nice to get a little crazy. You know what I mean? Sometimes that's where the fun is. Yeah. No, we get crazy. We get crazy. We get crazy. Which, by the way, speaking of crazy, we keep having people.

I don't even know if this is crazy or not. We keep having people message us being like, did you guys know that the watch party's going away? Did you know that the watch party's going away? Because we do all our watch parties. Yep. And it's true, yeah, it is going away. However, that doesn't mean we can't do our, like, janky watch parties now. We just have to go through the effort.

Yeah, the problem, I think, that people um want to watch it through the thing and they don't do anything yeah now it'd just be like we're syncing up okay everyone we're we're synced make sure you're watching and then instead of a video playing it'd just be us staring at the screen like that's a good joke which some people might actually like more they may they might like that more but i don't think so i think people are gonna be like no we'll see it probably depends how accessible the movie we chose to watch is sure because we watched uh wally's wonderland or willie's wonder i don't remember what it is whatever it was and that still did pretty well

there's still a lot of people watching us with like that format so i think it still works but yeah if it's like if we pick some like random ass movie you can't find then people probably won't because there's still a lot on amazon i mean this also opens the the the arsenal for us to watch like the movies that weren't available like the big trouble in little china i still wanted to watch that like, the movies that weren't available. Like, The Big Trouble in Little China. I still wanted to watch that. Dude, that movie, we need to watch. I need to know your reaction to that movie. Yeah. Because, like, I think I saw it.

I think I watched it at your place, like, a decade ago. But I don't really remember it. If we did, I don't remember that at all. Yeah. I think you should. And I was, like, tired or, like, something. I don't remember that at all. Yeah, I think you should. And I was, like, tired or, like, something. I don't remember anything. I remember, like, vague, really vague stuff.

But, like, yeah, I couldn't tell you what happened in it. So, yeah, I really want to watch that one again. I would watch that in a heartbeat. That's, like, good goofery. Yeah, that's that good goofery. Yep, yep. Good goofery. So, yeah, we'll figure stuff out but uh yeah that was my crazy story well you know what else we'll figure out oh how to get some quality meat

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want to get things that I can just open a package, throw it together and make it real quick. And they were like, we got you. So I'm like Johnny Hamburger and Johnny Chicken over here. But then I also said, I want to get funky. Just send me one thing of ribs.

And they're like, okay. So I have a thing of ribs and I'm going to try and cook get funky. Just send me one thing of ribs. They're like, okay. So I have a thing of ribs, and I'm going to try and cook some ribs. I'm not a rib cooker, Crandor. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm going to try. I need to know. I need to know your updates. I will. I will update.

I'm going to try to find the best recipe for, like, a nice dry rub, and then post-cooking barbecue sauce vibe. i'm feeling it i'm i gotta i got a whole thing i want to try and do so we'll see what happens plus with butcher box you don't have to worry about what's for dinner butcher box is offering our listeners right now their choice of weeknight meal essentials three pounds of chicken thighs, two pounds of ground beef, or one pound of premium steak tips for free in every order for a whole year. Plus you get $20 off your first order. Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash Cox and use code Cox to choose your free offer and get $20 off. It is such a good deal.

Go right now and check it out. ButcherBox.com slash COX. Use code COX at checkout for the free offer and $20 off. All right, criminal, let's go drop a sentence. The guy, criminal, how's that traffic out there? Oh, man, let me tell you. Traffic, if it's traffic-y out there, it sure is traffic-y. I'll tell you traffic if it's if it's traffic out there it sure is traffic i'll tell you what um do i know what i'm saying no have i ever known what i'm saying no but that's part of

the deal you know the art of the the art of traffic is that you need to be one with traffic in order to understand it and if you not, you just don't get it. And that's what makes this such a great traffic segment. Back to you. Wow. The art of the traffic. The art of the traffic. By Crandor.

If you get it, you get it. If you don't, you don't, man. You don't. You don't get it if you don't get it. No. Yeah. All right. Let's go over to weather.

Weather. What is happening? I don't know. Weather request. We got a weather request for Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Uzbekistan? Uzbekistan. It's an ancient city with archaeology dating back to the 7th to 8th centuries B.C.

and was an important spot along the Silk Road from Europe, the Middle East, to China. It contains numerous examples of mosque tombs, including Gur-Yamir, the mausoleum of the famed conqueror Timur, a.k.a. Tamerlane. It's also famous for the Samarkand Naan, a type of bread baked in a special type of oven called a Tandir. They are made using transitional methods, but on an industrial scale, over 20,000 loaves being produced every day in a city. I must say, not only does the city look beautiful, but also more importantly, isn't

Timur, however you pronounce it, isn't that one of the guys from like Civ 5 maybe? Or Civ 6? One of the Civs. It does sound familiar. Pretty sure that's a guy. I think that is a guy. Currently in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. It is 53 degrees Fahrenheit.

Got a high of 66, low of 48. Humidity 75%. Pressure at 30.08 inches. Visibility 7 miles. Winds at 2 miles an hour. Dew point 45 ev index zero moon phase waxing gibbous with a 638 a.m sunrise and a 642 p.m sun set 10 day 66 with rain chance of rain 30 percent tuesday 72 mostly. Wednesday, 72 with showers. You got Thursday, 59, partly cloudy.

Friday, 55 a.m. showers. Saturday, 65, partly cloudy. Sunday, 65, partly cloudy. Monday, 68, partly cloudy. Tuesday, 68 with showers. And Wednesday, 66 with showers. He is, in fact, a great general that appears in Civ 4, 5, and 6. Ah, there you go.

You're right. Feeling pretty good about that. Now for deep diving of the foods. Now for the deep dive. Some arcane. Let's see, where is this? Uzbekistan would be south-ish

of Kazakhstan. And Kazakhstan would be south-ish of Russia. Eh, I see it now okay you know they got a place it's got a 4.8 out of 5 with 173 reviews and it's korean barbecue yo i mean that sounds i don't i mean that i was gonna say that sounds correct but but maybe it's not. I don't know what the vibe is. I don't know. I didn't expect to find crazy Korean barbecue here. I mean, if it is sort of a worldly city, that's the whole vibe.

It's the crossroads of all these different places. I would imagine that would be the case, right? I guess that would make sense. It's like New York was a harbor a lot of people came to the Americas in, so that's why it's a more worldly city. That's true. It's like Chicago. We got everybody here.

Yeah, I imagine this would be one of those, right? Yeah. Just over. That does make sense. Restaurant Chorborg. Zam Zam Chayaksna. I don't like this this one restaurant says, Historic Uzbek restaurant.

Two stars. That's not good. Meanwhile, the Korean barbecue place down the street, 4.9. Yeah, that's the one. I found Chicken Express Fried, Burger Center, and Burger & Co. 2. Burger Center? That's the spot. That's where you got to go. Yeah, let's see.

Burger Center. Chicken and Fried has 3.7. It's not great. It's not great. Burger Center is 4.2. Here we go. That is a burger. There is one man.

There's like one man in there they cut a cucumber in the shape of a heart I see that yeah I mean it looks I mean it's burgers alright yeah it's it looks like burgers nothing crazy you know

you know you're getting there are and then like the bottom there's just like a family photos what the shit dude the money here that cost them 119 000 wait or 11 11940 CYMs? I don't know what that is. How much did it cost? 11,490? All right, so according to this United States dollar to Uzbekistan currency exchange rate, the psalm, I guess it's called, $1 is equal to 12,573 psalms. Oh, wait.

Yeah, this is – okay, never mind. It's 119,940. Okay. I was about to say that's cheap, whatever you're looking at. That's under a dollar? Yeah, no. It looks like the burger was $56,000. Gotcha.

Understand. Okay. That's not bad, considering. It's not bad. It's like playing retail WoW versus classic WoW. It's like 28 silver, and then they're just like, I have like 800,000 gold but I don't really have that much yes that's crazy

all right I'm assuming this is a translation issue but I found a And the giant sign out front says, Jizz Biz. Give them the Jizz Biz. That's what it says. Apparently, hold on. Can I go there? Jizz, I can't believe it, Biz.uz. Nope, site can't be reached. It says that their website is

or i don't know maybe it's not a website it just says jizzbiz.uz i don't know what that is giant lights it sounds like a website jizzbizzes where is this place jizzbizz jizzbizz. I can send you potentially what it is, but it's... I found it. Gafford Bobo Jizz Biz. That's what I'm saying. A giant sign. Let's see.

What do they got? Oh, yeah, it does just say Jizz Biz. I don't know. I don't know what it means. But it looks like it's just lots of meat. Yeah, they just got a lot of meat it looks like a like a what's it called kebab euro place but like really fancy yeah like the hyper fancy version big enough where they have giant nighttime lights and a sign that says jizz

business yeah everybody wants the jizz biz but yeah yeah, I'm looking at, you know, they have one dish that's straight up just a bunch of beef on top of french fries. And I'm like, okay, I'd eat that. Yeah. But, you know, I'd also go to jizz biz just because the name is hilarious. If you go down a little bit on the east of the street,'s millie tomlar aquarium and they got one review for one star and the person said the worst food that i ever ate in my life fish is rotten waiters are rude and prices are high don't recommend this cafe it's my own thoughts i do have a lot of questions about how many i I guess, maybe lakes, if there's a bunch of lakes.

But, like, I never thought Uzbekistan, I mean, I guess, no, it's landlocked. I was going to say maybe it has some sort of water, but no, the Caspian Sea, that's Kazakhstan. So I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Kazakhstan. So I don't... Yeah, I don't know. And the only things here are a picture that the food looks good,

another picture where the food looks good, and then a 30-second video of a guy, like, singing. Yeah. You know, food. He's, like, rapping. It's like a music video. And I don't... All the best food has music videos accompanying it

that's yeah it's gotta have that uh and it's wait what is it's on yandex.com is this like yelp for uzbekistan i don't know maybe i mean i imagine there's a lot we don't know about the rest of the world's uh habits when it comes to sharing stuff online so possibly that's true maybe uh but i will say shout out to the honesty of a lot of these reviewers there are so many restaurants that are three stars yeah like so many three-star restaurants yeah that's not everybody can be a jizz biz. You know what? That's probably true. And that's the weather.

Alright, let's go to sports. Sports. Oh boy, it's sports desk time. We're here at the sports desk ready for sports. Oh, speaking of sports sports i got an email sent to me and uh it was from youtube paid youtube olympics in paris submit your interest to attend we are looking for brand safe creators to participate in paid partnerships surrounding

the summer olympics in paris with youtube and then it lists requirements and i just want to We are looking for brand safe creators to participate in paid partnerships surrounding the Summer Olympics in Paris with YouTube. And then it lists requirements. And I just want to, I don't know why this was sent to me. Also, this was sent to Cox Clips, not Jesse Cox. Cox Clips. Okay. Requirements. U.S.-based creators only.

Brand safe creators, no strikes or scandals. Active on YouTube, consistent post and cadence. Strong engagement. Strong multi-format viewership. Gen Z skewing audience. Minimum age, 18. Verticals will be considered, but content should be expected to resonate with the audience. We are looking for a younger skewing audience.

I am not the person you should be asking. Yeah, I don't know about that one. I have no idea why this, I did not the person you should be asking. Yeah, I don't know about that one. I have no idea why this – I did not even respond. I was like, mm-mm, they're going to look at me and be like, why do you waste his time? Yeah, I'm just – I would love to go to the Summer Olympics, but, like, I'll wait. It'll be in L.A. in four years, so I'm not even stressed.

That's true. You're going to sit at home and wait for it to come to you. Yeah, I intend to go. i want to go see stuff i want to like be a part of that that'll be fun maybe i don't know it could be boring who knows i've never been to an olympics yeah whatever it is it'll be great to talk about it here on this podcast yeah it will you never know what you're gonna see um but yeah yeah, with sports, we've got the NCAA March Madness. It's coming up this week. Hell yeah.

We got the top teams are UConn, Houston, North Carolina, and Purdue. And that means that probably only one of those teams is going to make it far. Every time, they all lose at some point. That's the madness. Let's see. There's a lot of schools I've never even heard of. Like, UConn is playing against Stetson. Houston is playing against Longwood.

I know that Stetson's in Florida. I don't know where in Florida, but I know they're in Florida. Longwood University is where? Virginia. Ah, Virginia. Never heard of Longwood before. Although, if there's ever a school I should go to, Cox at Longwood? Sounds hilarious.

It does sound like a school for you. Yale actually made it in. They're playing Auburn. it looks like north carolina's playing against how wag how i don't know this how wag it just says h-o-w slash w-a-g how wag it's north carolina versus howard wagner ah okay well that explains that howard wang where the hell is this because i was i was i found a wagner university Ah, okay. Well, that explains that. Howard Wagner. Where the hell is this? Because I found a Wagner University.

Yeah. I don't know anything about it. Howard to face Wagner in first four. Oh, I see. These are like they play each other to get the 16th seed ah so howard plays wagner okay gotcha okay yeah that would explain the dash that would explain the dash yeah that explains the dash it all checks out uh howard bison will play wagner university, I hope they win. They're a Buffalo. That's pretty cool.

Yeah, what's Wagner? That's the standard. What's Wagner University? The Wagner University. The mascot is the Wagner Seahawks. Oh, the Seahawks? That's what it says here. Where are they located?

Are they on the coast? I think so. Wagner College. Oh, yeah, I see it now. Northeast. Oh, yeah, they must be on the coast. Probably Maine or some shit. Location, Staten Island, New York.

Ah, okay. I'm not going to lie. I don't know where that is in New York. Staten Island is kind of like to the boy. Oh boy. South of Manhattan. South. Oh, it more like South.

According to Matt, more Southwest. Okay. It's one of the boroughs. Yeah. I'm going to cheer for Howard because they're a Buffalo. So then we have Purdue is playing against another one of these. They're playing against Montana State or Grambling. Where's Grambling? Is it Grambling State?

It's Grambling. It just says Grambling.? It's grambling. It just says grambling. Montana State versus grambling. I feel like they would say state if it was grambling state. Maybe grambling university? Oh, wait. It does say grambling state here. Purdue will meet Montana State or grambling state.

Grambling. Oh, Louisiana. Yeah. Damn. All right. I am curious. Yeah. Damn, all right. I am curious. Is this a historical black college? It appears to be. Oh, yeah, it looks like it.

Public Historically Black University in Grambling, Louisiana, home of Eddie G. Robinson Museum. Oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah, I was like, I haven't ever heard of this before. I don that. Yeah, I was like, I haven't ever heard of this before. I don't... Although, my knowledge of colleges is... Once I graduated, I no longer cared about colleges, so... Oh yeah, and I didn't care, even...

Yeah, mine's less than yours. My knowledge of colleges is slim, but it's interesting. Yeah. Well, but usually one of these, like, teams that, like, the 15, 16 spot upsets a big team. That's usually pretty fun. So we'll see which one of them does it or if they all fail. What's the mascot? Santa Cruz, the snails.

Yeah, that's my favorite one. The snail? The banana slugs. They're the UC Santa Cruz banana slugs. That's what they are. Yeah, those are good. That's a good one. Hold on. We have seven weirdest college mascots. That's what they are. Yeah, those are good. That's a good one. Hold on.

We have seven weirdest college mascots. I'm here for this. Sammy the Banana Slug from UC Santa Cruz. Awesome. Stanford Tree, a tree mascot for Stanford. Billiken, the St. Louis Billiken mascot is open to interpretation. What does that even mean? They don't even have a mascot.

They're just like, imagine a mascot. Delta State has the fighting okra. I love that. That's a good one. Wichita State has wooshock, which is a fierce bundle of wheat. That's amazing. University

of Arkansas has the boll weevil. That's awesome. I love that has the Bull Weevil. That's awesome. I love that. And then Evergreen State has the Geoduck or Gooey Duck. The Gooey Duck? Which is that thing that looks like a dick. Oh. Have you ever seen a Gooey Duck?

This is a Gooey Duck. No, I've not seen a Gooey Duck. You've definitely seen a Gooey Duck. All right, let me see here. I have never seen that in my life what the hell is that it's like imagine if you combine a clam with a dick that's what it is looks like a snail yeah but it's like it's an underwater thing i mean snails can go underwater can't yeah but he lives inside his little clamshell thing he sticks his long little face or whatever the hell that is out and he's like, hello!

Why is he a duck? Dude, that's, I have no answers for you. It's like how the British call it like a pudding and it's just bread. Yeah. Or spotted dick and you're like, well that's not what that is at all. Yeah. It's lies.

Lies. That's good enough for sports. Yep. Sounds good to me. All right. What is our fact of the day? Fact of the day. Wow.

I found some St. Patrick's Day facts. We got the real St. Patrick was born in Britain. We got St. Patrick was never... I thought you were going to tell me more. I was like, and? You're like, no, that's it. Oh, there we go. Much of what is known about St. Patrick's life

has been interwoven with folklore and legend. Historians generally believe that St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, was born in Britain near the end of the fourth century at age 16 he was kidnapped by irish raiders and sold as a slave to a celtic priest in the area now known as northern ireland after toiling for six years as a shepherd he escaped back to britain eventually returned to ireland as a christian missionary what the shit? Then I guess, according to legend,

chased all the snakes out. Yeah, they chased all the snakes out. I feel like that's inaccurate. Are there no... Hold on. Am I going to find out that there actually are no snakes in Ireland? That's actually fact number three. There were no snakes around for St. Patrick to banish from Ireland.

All right, I was about to say. That's funny. Among the legends associated with St. Patrick, it's that he stood atop an Irish hillside and banished snakes from Ireland, prompting all serpents to slither away into the sea, which I think is pretty funny. He just stands up there. He's like, snakes, get out of here.

And they're just like, ah, fine, I guess. In fact, research suggests snakes never occupied the Emerald Isle in the first place. There are no signs of snakes in the country's fossil record. And water has surrounded Ireland since the last glacial period. Before that, the region was covered in ice and would have been too cold for the reptiles. Yeah, they're saying that most snakes are, you know, most snakes are closer to the equator. And they're sort of like a temperate zone of where snakes are at. And for some reason, Ireland is just not in it.

Yeah. But the UK is. And Norway, which is strange. But I guess they couldn't get across the cold water to Ireland. I don't know. I don't know. But they do have lizards. They do have a few lizards in Ireland.

They do have lizards. That's true. All right. I mean, he didn't want to get the lizards out. He was like, these guys are helpful. And then our final fact here. Leprechauns are likely based on Celtic fairies. That sounds right. Leprechauns are likely based on Celtic fairies.

That sounds right. The red-haired, green-clothed leprechaun is commonly associated with St. Patrick's Day. The original Irish name for these figures of folklore is Lobertson, meaning small-bodied fellow. Belief in leprechauns likely stems from the Celtic belief in fairies, tiny men and women who could use their magical powers to serve good or evil. In Celtic folktales, leprechauns were cranky souls responsible for mending the shoes of the other fairies. There's probably one fairy that was into that, though. That's really funny.

I did not know that. They were like, all right, give me your shoes, you son of a, oh, my God. But that explains why they have money. There's definitely the foot fetish fairy, though, that was just like, yeah, I love fixing these shoes. There's definitely one. Just give me your feet. I'll fix them right on your feet.

Don't worry about it. The leprechauns look crazy. A little weird. That's your facts of the day. All right right what is our big news story of the day big news story of the day um texas man accused of putting antiques up his kilt covered butt what wait i'm assuming you're What? Wait. I'm assuming you're not saying. Well, I don't know what you're saying because it sounded at first like he was hiding them in his kilt.

But then you said up his butt. And now I have no answers for you. Yeah. Well, I say kilt covered, but so is he hiding it up there? I guess we'll find out. Yeah. A kilt-wearing man in Spring, Texas, was arrested last week for a crime that can truly be described as asinine.

Taking items for... Get him out of here. Taking items for sale at antique stores and placing them in his anus. Well, there it is. Well, there it is. Well, there it is. Oh, and then he allegedly put the tainted items

back on the shelves, presumably so unsuspecting shoppers would purchase them. What? Wait, so he put stuff in his butt and then put it up on the shelf? Yeah. At the antique store? Yeah. Mitchell Vest wasbruary 15th on charges of

criminal mischief stemming from incidents that occurred on february 10th where he was observed allegedly placing items in his rectum and then putting them back on the shelves at two antique shops in spring two of the items yep two antique shops he's going all over some of the items the 60 year old allegedly contaminated 60 year oh my god everything's stacking up contaminated

included a makeup brush an antique bottle opener I don't like that and a tobacco tent can. What the hell? Tobacco tent can. How did he fit that up there?

Dude, I don't, I have so many questions, but I guess if you're a freak in life, you're a freak at 60. So, you know, whatever. The owner of the A&P Gallery told deputies that she witnessed Vest pick up the makeup brush and hardware piece, quote, shove both items up his anus, then return them to the shelf. The owner of the shop reported the both complaints advised they had to throw away the items. Both are video surveillance. I was just really in shock. Golden told the situation.

I didn't really know what to say or think. All right. I'm not going to try and judge someone, but this dude is wearing a kilt, no underwear, and the tightest, I'm going to say too tight, black tank top but this dude is wearing a kilt, no underwear, and the tightest, I'm going to say too tight, black tank top, that it's too tight for him. He got like a gut hanging out over the kilt.

Yeah. And he has Oakley's on, but not on. He has them resting on his head. And then is just, yeah, going around and I'm going to say it's sexual. I'm going to say I don't want to judge him based on the whole attitude, and I'm going to say it's sexual. I'm going to say I don't want to judge him based on the whole attitude, but I'm going to say it's sexual. I would agree. Yes, it's got to be. Because if you want to ruin something, you can ruin anything easily. But like the whole butt thing, you know, that's a you thing.

Yeah. Plus, like, how's he getting it up there that he probably pre-lubed at that point? Right? So much. Otherwise, that's like. Plus, these are like antiques. Who knows? They could, like, fall apart inside of them.

Yeah. Yeah. It placed it under his green shirt kilt and into his anus is what it says. Plus, it's like, yeah, this is a lot. I feel like he also got freed on a $100 bond, which seems kind of wild. It's like, yeah, $100. Yeah, he's going antiquing. That man has money. Yeah, he's right if he's going antiquing, that man has money.

Yeah, like he's right back in the next antique store there, right? Yep. I feel like we're going to get another story from this guy soon. All of the comments are just like, this is taking a lot of junk in the trunk to the next level, one person wrote. He was just taking his kink to the next level, a person responded. Hopefully he can put this behind him another commentator wrote and then another one wrote thanks uh another person thanked the police for getting to the bottom of this oof oof a lot of comedian that's part of the problem the internet everybody just thinks they're a comedian at this point everybody everybody

thinks they need their opinion to be heard and it's like sometimes it doesn't matter you know that's the whole social media thing we mentioned earlier you don't need to tell everybody your opinion well i mean i want to know people's opinions on a guy sticking antiques up his butt honestly i want to know your opinion on most things i don't care but on this i don't know hey i mean yeah it depends but still sometimes you just want to see other people react that doesn't mean you have to give your opinion i guess we are giving our opinion right now i don't know listen uh this guy's sticking antiques up his ass this is like multi-fetished this This isn't just like, I like things up my butt, and I like to place them there myself and walk around. This is, I like to go to a place, stick random things I find, and then put them back on the shelf.

It's the same people that go to Walmart and drink half a thing of orange juice and put it back on the shelf. Yeah. And then they probably go home, and they're like, oh, man, that was crazy. Yeah, we're so wild. It's the same thing, but then also like, and I stuck stuff up my butt. Like, okay, but can't you just buy things to do that with and just not go out? So, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, they're looking for the adrenaline rush.

That's got to be it. I guess. At least I hope they are. I don't know what else they want. That's your big news story of the day. All right. That's it for us. Thanks so much for listening or watching.

I'm going to join this podcast. Crandor, hit them with the socials. Oh, boy. We've got socials. You can find all the podcast episodes to this podcast over at youtube.com slash Cox and Crandor podcast. That's right. All 419 episodes our next episode is 420 the weed number i cannot wait um so go check those out subscribe hit the bell like give

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To be continued.