Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 484 - Three Balls and a Dream
Episode Date: October 27, 2025The boys are back and this time Crendor discovers that there was once an Italian royal crest that featured 3 "balls". Jesse of course becomes obsessed. Speaking of obsessed, the boys have some things ...to say about Twitch these days and peoples obsession with attention. Oh and apparently times are to tough people are using pumpkins as boats. All this and so much more on a brand new Cox n' Crendor! Eat smart at https://factormeals.com/cox50off and use code cox50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Go to http://uncommongoods.com/cox for 15% off your next gift.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Today's episode is brought to by Uncommon Goods.
Uncommon Goods has some really fun holiday gifts for this holiday season should you want to give gifts, which is kind of the point.
Also today, we're brought to by Factor.
Factor's got good meals delivered right to your home if you're trying to eat healthy.
And let's jump into this podcast.
Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost and Fred Dog.
In the morning.
In the morning.
Broadcastle live, live, live, live.
In 4-hour reporting studio, recording.
Recording.
Let me wake your ass up.
It's up, Gak, Crendon, in the morning.
Hap, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, d'clock in the morning.
Hello, everybody, well, excited to the episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning.
Dude, you went so high on that, it cut out on Discord.
It was, it's just like, welcome to up in the morning.
I can't wait to see what the auto-translation picks it up has.
Oh yeah, isn't there like, is there like some YouTube auto AI thing now for translation?
I think there's also on Spotify.
All I know is I very much enjoy trying to freak it out.
Now that I know auto translations are trying to figure out what that intro says,
I do it a little different every time.
Gonna switch it up, gonna freak him out.
Yeah.
That's not a bad idea.
It's the little things.
Yeah.
It's
I know one of my channels
Someone was like
Can you please turn off
That AI
Auto Translate shit
And I was just like
Sure
I don't even know what it does
But I'll turn it off
I mean
Here's my question
If it's
Autotranslating now
What was it doing before
Was that AI auto translate
Because when translations
Would appear
What was the difference
Between now and then
And is it better now
Or worse.
And also, couldn't you just turn off closed captions if that was an issue?
Um, you know, I have no idea.
And if you turned on closed captions, then you were upset by the AI auto thing.
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know how it works.
I don't know how it works either.
It's, to be fair, even just like figuring out how things normally work is hard to do.
You know?
That is surprisingly real.
You know what?
Even normal things, I'm like, don't even.
Yeah, that's kind of like some of those shows like how it's made back in the day, you know.
It was always fun.
What was that one show that the guy from the slime show did?
Was that Mark Marin or whoever that was?
Or Mark Summers?
Yes, Summers.
The guy who go around and he like look and see how Twinkies were made.
Once you saw how it was made, it kind of ruined everything.
Yeah, unwrap.
unwrapped. That was a fun show to watch
because I was like, oh, that's interesting. It made
me not want to eat any of those foods ever
again.
That's, uh, oh my God.
But it was interesting. That's like I was on TikTok and I started
getting Alton Brown TikTok and he's talking about like
salt and stuff. I was like, dude, hell yeah, this is great.
Yeah, I like a good Alton Brown TikTok. You know what?
His old show, Good Eats. That was a vibe.
I would watch that all the time. Late at night
when I was in college, I'd watch it all the
time at night. Yeah, that was great. That's why, um, oh man, I think, uh, his TikTok's got like
three TikToks, but they're all in like the same fashion of good eats. Like he's got that good
eats formula going, which is great. I love it. It was always a good formula. Honestly, that show was
probably the most expensive show on Food Network. Oh, yeah, probably. The amount of cameras and editing
and like stuff they had to do and put can, they had cameras inside everything. Yeah. So, I mean,
What else did they have? They'd like Iron Chef.
Yeah, but I imagine
like most reality TV shows
that's on the cheap.
Reality TV shows are the cheaper end of
TV. Yeah.
And then they just had
cooking like Emeril, you know?
Right. Yeah, but that's
a one, maybe two camera show
where it's just one set and he goes
bam, and he says, like most shows are just
they build a set. They probably have eight or nine sets
all in one building. And they
move stuff around and they film at different hours
the day so everyone, you know, it's quiet or whatever.
And then, yeah, but Alton Brown, that show, they had skits and bits and science and they
were doing experiments and all.
Like, that is, I imagine that had to been expensive, which is why it lasted a while, but
when they started cutting shows, that was definitely one of the ones that went.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was definitely one of the best shows that Food Network ever had.
It was fantastic.
Yeah, it wasn't like a background show.
Most Food Network shows are background shows
Like diners, drivers and the dives
I love it
That's not a show you watch to watch
Yeah
That's a show you put on the background
When you do something else
It definitely is
There's honestly plenty of those types of shows too
Just unlike any
Even like HGTVs got plenty of those
Where it's just like
We're gonna remodel our entire house
Like it's very much a background show
Like some shows are just straight up background shows
And I mean I think a lot of people
Do that for even streams and stuff too
Like streams are good background noise.
Oh, for sure.
Yes, that is one of the things I get often.
Although, man, I, even this last week I was talking with someone for a future episode of Tell Me About.
And we were talking about V-tubers and how this one V-tuber did, like, this is why I know we suck, dude.
This is why I know we're bad at entertaining.
So this girl was involved in, this V-tuber girl was like, involved.
in some sort of goof where her audience was
making fun of her because she was
I think into some guy or into
some anime. I don't remember what the case was
but what she did instead of just say
no uh uh uh uh is she got all of her friends
and all of her audience to do a trial
to determine whether she really was into it or not
and they hosted a massive trial
Dude, that's brilliant.
That is so interactive.
The fans were trying to, the fans were the jury.
She had people come on and, like, that's incredible.
Yeah, that is.
And that's when I was like, oh, no, I'm bad at this.
I never would have thought to do that.
That's really smart.
That's so engaging and fun.
And I was like, I guess I could stream me playing a video game again.
I was like, oh, I suck.
Yeah, I mean, there's plenty of people out there that are very creative and,
Doing a bunch of stuff.
But at the same time, then there's people that are just like chat, viewers, like, what should I do?
And it's like, dude, this is your channel.
This is your stream.
Like, do what you want.
I think because a lot of people spend too much time streaming.
That's also true.
I definitely had a, I don't want to say mental break, but a crash out this week.
I was just pissed at streamers in general for doing the bottom of the barrel, bare minimum levels of entertainment.
And I was like, you are literally, we've talked about this before.
It's like you're literally a street entertainer, but just online.
Entertain.
I have no problem if you watch a movie or TV show, whatever.
But if you like get up and leave for 20 minutes while that's happening,
or if you like start to do something with your audience and then you spend the time on the phone,
like that kind of thing.
That to me screams, I stream because I feel like I need to be online all the time,
rather than I stream because I'm trying to do a show.
or entertain my audience.
Yeah.
I mean,
I would say...
I just don't like when people give up.
It seems like they just don't like it is the vibe I get.
Well,
I'm going to tell you right now,
a vast majority of streamers and stuff don't like it.
They just keep doing it because they're making money.
Like,
yeah,
so cynical.
I hate it.
Yeah,
I hate that.
Same with YouTube.
I mean,
there's plenty of people who's doing YouTube.
They don't care.
They're just doing it for money.
Which, I mean,
there's plenty of jobs where people just do it for the money.
I mean,
I mean, dude, that's that one girl who I'm obsessed with, the, the, the ASMR person who started in 2020, I still will check in on her and be like, what's the vibe?
What's going on?
And the fall off from when she's really cared about making content to now her making content just to keep money coming in so she can continue to buy all the crazy outfits and stuff she wears all the time.
She is so tired of, like, making videos.
It's really obvious.
It is so funny to want.
Anyway, yeah, I don't want people to think I'm shitting on this girl.
She is literally just a science experiment for me.
Like, I am fascinated by her.
Genuinely fascinated.
It's straight up like you look at younger people and you go, I remember when I thought like you.
I remember when this is the way I thought.
And then you're like, see, they're going to go through like it.
One day you'll learn to take your breaks.
It's literally like what old people do to the young people.
But, I mean, they're right.
This is the ancient wisdom.
that they're putting that like this is our ancient YouTube wisdom that we're spreading now yeah
it's it's tough to say and this is probably the same thing that the elderly folks in real life
deal with it's tough to say to a kid hey don't do that it's wrong etc etc when as a kid you're
living in the moment and in this case for example uh YouTube or streaming
you're watching the money come in you have some drive you're getting you're getting you're
You know, you're living this incredible life and you feel like if I stop, then all that will die down.
Which admittedly, real talk, it does.
If you take a break, you will get hurt for taking a break.
You just have to decide that that hurt is worth your sanity.
Like, yeah, all right, you're going to make less money because you took like a week or a month off.
And when you come back, less people are going to care because you're out of their conscious now.
But you'll feel better, you know?
And then I think people will get upset.
Like, well, no, I won't feel better because no one will love me anymore.
It's like, they didn't love you anyway, dude.
It's, uh, yeah, like you need to just take breaks for your own mental sanity.
So it's plus it probably feeds into your content.
So you're going to feel better with your content.
I mean, also sometimes people just get tired of what they're doing.
I think that's one of the biggest things.
Like if you make one thing for forever and then you start doing something else, the viewers are,
viewers are going to drop.
Like people are going to be like,
Remember when you used to do this thing?
I mean, people do that with my wow machinemas all the time.
Like, where's the bird you make machinima?
We're doing it.
And I'm just like, dude, like, we moved on.
Like, I've had so many eras of Crendor.
That just so happens.
Now we're in the pointless top 10 Crendor variety hour.
So it's just like, it's another era.
We had the Harstone era.
We had the PubG era.
We had so many errors.
Back in the day, like, those types of videos were great because YouTube was like,
it was awesome.
Now making a ton of effort into a three-minute video,
it'll put you up.
on the old YouTube shorts.
Right.
You'll make like three cents.
It's like, all right, great.
So it's just, you know, different time.
You got to adapt.
You adapt and you change with the times and that's that.
So it's, I mean, and people will learn just by being in this industry.
And I mean, it can be like any industry, right?
Like Netflix and Blockbuster, we've had like, just like numerous, like even retail stores.
Retail stores didn't learn over the years.
They're just, they're like, eh, we're still going along.
like they haven't adapted and they're trying, but it's like, they're just ancient.
So, and it's, I mean, like, it's flattering when someone's like, oh, that thing you did,
I really like that.
Why don't you do that anymore?
I get it.
Thank you so much.
That's very flattering.
However, I'm adapting, just like you are adapting, like everyone's adapting, to the current
trends and times.
And I still have bills to pay.
And if you want any videos from me, I have to do the way videos need to be done now.
Yeah, exactly.
Like, that's just the way it is.
Yeah, and it's, honestly, I mean, I still think it's fun just having the variety of everything,
like doing all the different stuff, like podcast, YouTube, stream.
I think it's fun for a creator.
As someone who creates, it's very fun.
As an audience, I have no idea, because I don't listen to my own stuff.
So I imagine they would be like, hopefully like it.
But yeah, I don't, long ago I stopped giving my stuff a watch through again,
Except now, whenever you react to me on Too Old for this, I have to watch it, which I'm like, oh.
I even notice when you pause at the beginning and I have a weird face and I'm like, ugh.
It's funny because like, people always point that out.
They're just like, you pause on the weird Jesse faces.
I was like, I didn't even realize.
I was just pausing at the start of the video.
Like, I don't know.
It's, yeah, literally you texted me the one day.
You're like, you didn't react yet.
I'm like, I'm busy today.
I haven't had time to react today.
Yeah, well, that's your mistake.
I needed something to watch while I was working out, and you didn't have anything for me.
That's true.
I'm failing.
You let me down.
Then we're going to, soon there will be some AI guy making AI cogs and Krenlore to replace us.
You know, I wonder if it would be any good.
Uh, I, it would be interesting, but not good.
Right.
I have to imagine it would suck, but it would be highly entertaining for me, at least for one episode.
Yeah, because it would be interesting to see how an AI replicated just us, like our personas.
Yeah, if we fed all 480-some episodes into an AI and then it spit something out, what would that be?
I kind of need to know, but I'm also terrified of hearing my AI robot voice.
Yeah, I would also be terrified of that.
It would probably just be like, aha, so what do you think about the sloth?
war
it'd probably just have like
take a bunch of like buzzwords we've said
yes
I am a fan of
boobs but
they are not
a fan of me
that's for sure
yeah
that'd be it yeah
like I saw
I was watching his stream
showing off that AI game
the guy that tweeted that out
his entire Twitter profiles
just like
like AI wizard, AI entrepreneur, AI, whatever, AI.
Like his entire profile was that.
So you know, you know, he was just like, this is awesome.
You know how bad it sucks is last night, or maybe it was early this morning, it's blending
together.
I'll be honest with you.
I watched a, like a news report where they were making fun of that very clip.
So when the normal like six o'clock news or whatever, or morning news is making.
fun of it, you know it's bad.
Like, that footage sucks.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah, it's
and like
the people creating
this stuff aren't going to actually play these games.
They just like the idea of being like,
dude, we can create games
and like pump it at the same way they pump out
like YouTube videos and make money. They just care
about money. It wasn't even a game.
It was a series of clips
that he then strung together with weird
text prompts at the bottom.
So it was like a point-and-click, choose-your-own adventure.
More like Dragonslayer, that old arcade game where you'd like have to move through the level.
Except you weren't controlling anything.
You were just selecting one of three prompts like, you know, like right-left mid.
Except if you looked at what those prompts were, when he clicked it, the thing it said did not happen.
All it did was keep moving you forward.
And at one point, the man walks down a subway track and then it turns.
into a subway car that he then goes
into and throws a grenade
that explodes but then keeps rolling on
like it's just one of the
stupidest thing I've ever seen and the fact that he's
like this is the future if that's the future
I'm taking up books I'm done
I can't like that sucks he says
this is the future it looks like a generic
like any generic FPS game
you've ever seen in the last 10 years
like no one wants to play
that like even if that was
even visually if it didn't
look jank if all the weird artifacts
and things weren't happening.
If it was just click to move, click to move,
no one would play that.
Like it kind of just looked like the division.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what it reminded me of, but just like weird.
Like a really shitty division.
Like if I was having a dream.
Yes.
It did look kind of dream-esque.
Things happened for no reason.
It was like, oh, a train just came out of nowhere.
My gun's shooting like a invisible wall.
Like just like random shit happening.
Like, I don't know.
Also, by the way, when I looked up Cox and Crenthor, it said the host are known for their improvisational Seinfeldian controversial style.
Yo, that's, I mean, that's us.
Sincelden controversial style.
That's how I would describe us.
Sure.
Yeah.
Who said this?
The Google AI.
When I typed in.
Yeah, damn right.
Yeah.
Also, I feel like all the people that do the, like, AI games or just like all that.
They're the same people that did NFTs, like 100%.
Which, by the way, did you see that when Amazon's online service or whatever the servers went down this past week and websites couldn't be accessed and everything was a mess on the internet, people lost their NFTs for a minute.
And then it was like, but I thought I own those.
Like, dude, you didn't own shit.
What are you talking about?
Idiot?
it's like thinking you own your
like shit you've got on Steam or something
like sure you own it but
yeah at any point in time
Steam can revoke a game you own
I have had plenty games
where it was a copy
that was sent for review
and when the review date was over
even though I hadn't beaten the game
they took back their copy
yeah
like companies can do that
Steam could do that.
There's nothing stopping them from just taking a game
or removing the servers for a game
and then it's pointless to play it.
It's just taking them space.
Yeah.
It's honestly, like, I have
just like thinking of Steam games.
I have so many Steam games.
It's actually kind of insane because when you think back on it,
like I remember being a kid just being like,
oh man, if I just had like more games or like some games,
but now I have like hundreds, if not thousands of games
and I'm just like, if I play like the same things I've been playing over and over.
I mean, that's a comfort game, right?
Like, that will never change.
A game that you love and can keep going back to and playing over and over and over again,
that's a game you will play 10 years from now and still enjoy.
And though you and I probably have way more games than most people,
I think that while we play many games,
we just like everyone else, succumb to the comfort game thing.
Whatever that is for us.
I mean, that's also, uh, that's also wow to me just because, like, you also have, like,
so many variations of wow, you got retail, wow, got classic wow, you got remix stuff.
Like, there's so many ways to play the game.
Or you can just, like, farm stuff.
Yeah, and they do a good job of, of keeping you in it.
They are very good at being like, there's so many wows to mess with.
Yeah.
So, I mean, stuff like that's nice.
And then, you know, I'll find games like, just rogolites, like Mega Bunk or Ball Pit.
Those keep me going for a while.
So it's like, I just like those types of gameplay loops.
But everybody has their own gameplay loop that they enjoy.
That's the fun of, you know, finding that.
Finding what you enjoy.
Yeah.
And that's what Twitch television used to be.
Having fun with video games.
Yeah, having fun.
Finding the thing you loved and sticking with it.
Now it's kind of like, you know, people, I honestly, I think Twitch is kind of like
how people feel about PVP games
and that when you talk to them
just like you with League of Legends
they hate love it
and I think it's a lot of streaming
where it's so drama filled
and everyone's picking fights
and everyone's got like beef
I can't tell you the amount of
nonsense drama I've seen
since TwitchCon
and I guess I shouldn't call it nonsense
because some of it's like real drama
but there's so much of it
and I genuinely
had the thought of like, so wait, what
does that person do on their stream? Do they
just drama farm
for four hours every day?
Is that exhausting? What do people,
do people tune in? And I realize people definitely
tune in just for like, the
T. Oh, yeah. But
it's shocking to me that
that's just, that's the
industry now. I'm like, oh,
okay. Anyway, I'll be playing my game.
I mean, even yesterday
when I was streaming, when I did just chatting,
I had way more viewers than when
I started playing games.
Yeah.
It's just the industry.
I would say
a lot of people just like watching that
because it's like you're interacting with somebody
that you like to watch
usually. So it's like maybe they watch you play
games on a different
you know like on YouTube or like
they've watched you play games on Twitch before. So it's fun
to just see you talk for a bit
just as yourself. Oh for sure.
Like the drama aspect of everything
that's just like life.
Like I think Twitch
and YouTube have a lot of drama
because people work together
and there's YouTubers and streamers that have massive
egos and you just get them all together
and shit's going to happen. Like that's
money. Egos and money.
But, I mean, you could go
find drama. Go to like a local
doctor's office and the
receptionist working there will be like, God,
I hate Jane. She's the worst.
They'll be like, oh, hey, Jane.
Like this drama, like, oh, this doctor's a
dickhead. They'll just be like, oh, yeah,
sure, sure. I mean, like, some people are
assholes and dicks, but then there's like, there's a level of attention whore when it
comes to YouTube and Twitch that is, it's just unfathomable to me.
Like the idea that, you know, there's the whole Hassan, did he electrocute his dog or not
thing?
Yep.
Right.
But then at TwitchCon, people showed up dressed as Hassan and his dog in cosplay.
Right.
Like that is, and it wasn't just, you know, like a fan or whatever, it was other streamers trying to cause drama.
Well, yeah, you get views and stuff off that.
I get it, but like that's the level of attention horror where I'm like, no, dude, that's pathetic.
That's sad.
Like, that is very obviously sad.
Well, that's why this is what, not just Twitter, but like the internet entertainment has become.
It's become like one-uping everybody in terms.
terms of dramatic crazy shit that you do.
And like, it's only a matter of time before it gets, like, too insane, which it's
already pretty insane.
But, like, it's going to keep getting worse.
Like, there's going to be people disrupting the public, disrupting, like, just crazy
shit out.
Like, it has to, it has to hit a breaking point at some point.
Yeah, it's the same thing has been happening for a while where people act crazy, get
punished for, like, seven-day ban, come back and are more popular than ever.
Yeah.
There's no real punishment for acting a fool.
If anything, it's encouraged.
Mostly, look, we got to put that.
The CEO of Twitch needs to be put on blast.
That guy is.
Yeah.
That guy's a mess, dude.
Yeah.
No, it's, I mean, the one time he was showing off features on his phone,
and it was just, it was just like all Twitch girls on his follows.
So, like, is
My man, what are you doing?
Well, I know one thing
he's not doing is
keeping the convention safe.
We know that for sure.
Yeah, shit.
And we know he's not adding any value
to the platform with new features
or creativity.
That's also for sure.
But he is gooning at a very high level.
So, you know.
Insane high levels.
Truly.
Truly unfathomable.
Dude, dude, I need to tell you something that happened to me last night.
This was so funny.
So I'm coming back from the office and the guy in front of me is like, I don't know,
swerving, acting a fool, being crazy.
And I can't figure out what's going on with this guy.
Like I thought maybe he's drunk.
I don't know what's going on.
So because it's one lane, I'm just backing off a little bit.
Right. I don't want to get caught up in whatever this person's deal is.
They're just a little all over the place.
Anyway, we hit a red light and the door opens.
The back, like a back passenger right side door opens.
And a dude runs out.
I'm going to say at first I thought it was a child, but his face looked very old.
He had blue hair and was wearing a red shirt.
and he ran down the street into an alley.
What?
And I was like, what exactly?
I was like, what?
And in my, I don't even know how much time had passed.
I was so confused.
The right side passenger door was still open.
Then the left side opens.
And the guy comes around, he closes the left side door, comes around.
He is wearing a red shirt, has crazy blue hair.
And I realized right then that his shirt said thing to.
Oh.
And so he went to the right side door, closed the door, and ran down the alleyway after the other guy.
Ah, I see.
Now, here's my problem.
All right.
I don't know if this is because it was a Saturday night in L.A. the week before Halloween.
And these were people dressed up in costumes.
or if it was a Saturday night in L.A.
And this is just stuff that happens on Saturday nights in L.A.
You know, it could be anything.
That's what I'm saying.
I was, my jaw hit the floor.
I don't know what I was looking at.
I fully expected the driver's seat to open and the cat and the hat to get out.
I'd be like, where are you guys going?
We've got a party to be at.
those the car in front of me drove off completely normal not swerving at all drove off got to the main street and and turned away but those two dudes i have no idea where they went they ran down an alley and vanished they didn't get back in the car there was something going on there and i feel like i witnessed a story about 45 minutes into the story you know what i mean yeah like i sat down to watch a movie and i have no context for anything that's happening that's how i felt
that is
sometimes you just see stuff like that
and you're like is this a TikTok
is this like somebody filming something
or is it like is this just like actually
just crazy people is this just people having fun
like you don't know
especially in LA
that's what I'm saying it could have been anything
if this was in other parts of the country
I'd be like oh Halloween right right right right
sure but it's LA
I have seen bird men on the side of the road
I saw a frog man while I was going through a drive-thru at a Mexican restaurant.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I have seen some weird things.
I saw a guy dressed as a raptor, scaring people at a bus stop.
I've seen incredibly weird things here.
And so that just added to the list.
I don't know anything about what was going on there.
I'm going to assume it's Halloween related.
But also could just be two people.
who really truly believe their thing one, and thing two, and that's their vibe.
It could also just really been thing one and thing two.
You're right.
You're right.
Yeah, and they're just having a fun time in L.A.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're on vacation.
The cat was driving the car, swerving around.
He was like, they're out, they're out.
They're out.
So that's the most likely situation.
man i i don't think i've seen any crazy uh any like crazy stuff like that i've just seen bad
drivers but so you know i mean you're in the midwest there's not a lot of love openly crazy
well there's crazy there's just not like la crazy that's what i'm saying midwest crazy is a
different style of crazy that's like uh be crazy but like keep it in the privacy of your own home
okay like don't no one wants to see you're crazy so you can go to someone's house and realize
They're absolutely bonkers when you go in.
And I have done that when I lived in the Midwest.
I remember, I'm sure I told you this years ago, when I was teaching, I met this girl.
I was at a, oh my God, I was at a Chipotle.
And this girl walks up to me and she's like, I think you're really cute.
Do you want to go out sometime?
By the way, this has never happened to me before my entire life.
Never has a girl ever approached me and said, I think you're cute.
We should go out.
So, of course, I was like, yes, no hesitation.
And I went out with her, and it seemed fine.
She seemed very nice.
And then she's like, do you want to come back to my place?
And of course, again, no hesitation was like, yes.
I go back to her place.
I open the door.
The walls are all pink.
She has only Marilyn Monroe merchandise and paintings and pictures all over her walls.
every wall
the kitchen
table
is like a giant
Marilyn Monroe face dude
like just
it was overwhelming
like genuinely overwhelming
and the entire time
I was like
I don't
all right I'm still horny
let's do this let's get this
so we end up going to her room
and
she's like
she's like you know
when I get nasty I like to put on
music I'm like all right whatever
sure yeah okay so I'm like
pants are coming up like whatever yeah sure okay
she's like she pushes me back on her bed
so there I am
dingle dangle out to the world
the music kicks in
she grabs my dick
and sings to it like a microphone
I'm like a bird
I want to fly away
dude
this is a
real ass story. I have never in my entire life been so like, what? And some part of me kicked in,
the part that's probably a good person. And my initial thought was, oh my God, Jesse, you can't
sleep with this person. You have no interest in her at this point. You want out. And if you do
sleep with this person, you're going to feel terrible. You'll have used her. You never call her
again. Just get out, Jesse. Get out. To say that I fled the scene.
an understatement.
I was like, no explanation given just like, I can't do this and got out.
That is.
I like panicked.
I panicked.
That's like a scene out of like a, like a shitty, like early 2000s college movie.
It felt like it.
Like that's straight up like an American pie type of scene.
Like that's actually insane.
Midwest crazy is everything was normal till we got into that home.
at home and then it was too much.
That's Midwest crazy.
Yeah, like if she was in L.A., then she would have been exactly the same,
but she would have been displaying Marilyn Monroe's stuff much frequently or much more sooner.
She would have dressed and looked like Marilyn Monroe, talked like her,
and thought and pretended it was like the 1960s.
Yeah, exactly.
It would have been a step further.
That's the big difference.
Biggest difference.
Honestly, I feel like,
Southern coasts, because I think Florida is the exact same vibe.
Florida crazy and L.A. crazy, despite being politically different, are the exact same.
Yeah, just one has like people trying to make it in Hollywood and be an actor or whatever,
and the other is just people retire there, and it's just insane.
The other people who dress up like pirates because it's fun.
It's like, Pirate Paul is going to sit out this hurricane.
And he's like, I'll stay on the shores.
nobody will take me.
Yeah. Same type of crazy, just different vibe.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but then in L.A.
it'll be like Pirate Paul and he's just like,
I'm gonna be in a movie.
All right, true, yo.
Pirate Paul is just a guy who dresses like Johnny Depp
on the Hollywood Boulevard outside the Chinese theater
and tries to get tourists to take foes with him.
Yeah, and then he works at Starbucks two days a week.
Right, well, he's got to pay the bills.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's
I don't even know how we got here
So that's crazy
Midwest
I don't even know what the crazy
thing was
Whatever
The moral of the story is
People are insane
That's I think
I think that's what we learned today
People are insane
That's the moral
The moral of today's episode
People are insane
Yeah
But
You know it's not insane
preparing for the holidays early look gang
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you know what's going to happen
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I got a little hedgehog guy.
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yeah I got a
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All right, let's go to chapter 7th of the out of credit.
I was like traffic out there.
Let's see here today.
Oh, man, it's pretty foggy out there.
Um, uh, I can't really see much.
Yeah, it's, man, it's way too foggy.
We might be flying over fogg town, I think.
Is there a place called fog town?
Because, uh, we might be there.
You know something's nickname that, for sure.
Yeah, there's definitely something nicknamed that.
that maybe like a San Francisco area
or like the East Coast
right, those places get pretty foggy
I think. Silent Hill, yeah.
Yep, yeah, Silent Hill, there you go.
Definitely, um,
man, I thought I was going to go somewhere
with this bit. It's really not going anywhere. Back to you.
Like most of them.
Oh, right.
Let's go to
Weather.
Weather. Boy, is it foggy out there.
There it is. Okay, a little bit.
Uh, we've got weather requests for, where's that tab?
There we are.
Uh, when you go look up Fogtown, I promise you, at least in the United States search, it's mostly weeds shops.
Ooh, and Fogtown brewing. So, weed and beer. So there you go.
Perfect. Weather request for Bergamo, North Italy.
Town famous for giving the biggest portion of volunteers to the expedition of Garibaldi's Thousand,
and famous for the tomb of Bartolomeo Colione, whose surname and coat of arms were multiple testicles.
What?
Yep.
Uh, in Bergamo, Italy.
Hold on, I'll let Woppy do this one.
People are like, where's Wapi?
The Woppy activated 47 degrees, Borgamo, Italy.
feels like 46 degrees.
Humidity, 51% pressure, 29.8 inches.
Visibility, seven miles.
654 a.m. sunrise, 515 p.m. sunset, winds four miles per hour,
2.30.
UV index, zero, moon phase, waxing, crescent, 10-day.
Be-ma-beep.
61, partly cloudy, Monday, Tuesday, 63, mostly sunny.
Wednesday, 59.
PM showers, Thursday, 59, showers, Friday, rain, 60, Saturday, 62, mostly cloudy, Sunday, 61, showers, Monday, 62, few showers, Tuesday, 62, shower, chower, chowers.
There you go, he works.
All right, lovely to hear from Wampy.
Fantastic.
However, however, I don't think we need to talk.
about the food in this area, it is, in fact, all looking like Italian food.
You got delicious looking pizzas and bars and pastas and whatever.
We need to go back to this man who has three pairs of human testicles as his coat of arms.
The family's coat of arms was two pairs of white testicles on a red field and one pair of red testicles on a white field.
What the
What's even funnier
Is at some point in the future
I assume because
The family realized that they didn't have the balls
To keep this
Coat of Arms going
Turn them upside down to become three hearts
Oh
Oh yeah I see that
That is and I mean this
The stupidest thing anyone could do
Solid pun
They didn't have the ball
I get it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Are you kidding me though?
How do you not...
Yo, I'd be so honored to have...
Like, we gotta sack up, boys, we're going to war!
And then we just pull out our shields and we just had testicles on them?
Yo, are you kidding me?
Honestly, they kind of look like garlic.
If you just...
You're not wrong.
Kind of squint your eyes.
It really does just kind of look like garlic.
So apparently...
apparently the bar
Bartolimio
Coleyoni
right apparently
although
Colioni doesn't translate to balls
there was like a slang sounding
homophone kind of thing
where
it's like that's the goof
you know like kind of like how C-O-X
is close to C-O-C-KS
like that kind of thing
And so, yeah, it's three abstractly rendered testicles.
And I just, I love that.
And their war cry apparently was balls, balls, balls.
Dude, come on.
How is this not the, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen?
You imagine.
Just on the battlefield, you're getting ready to fight.
And you're like, balls, balls, balls.
Dude, I would be terrified.
Yeah.
Or just start laughing.
Maybe that's their, they try to get you to laugh.
Then you start laughing, but then they're actually serious.
Like, they'll kill you.
Balls, balls, balls.
Yeah, this is, I mean, they've got, they've got buildings that you can go visit that have the balls on.
They even have a statue, a giant statue with a coat of arms of the balls on it.
Come on now, this is, look, I'm sure there's great food.
And usually we're like, wow, look at that sandwich.
But this is the best thing from this entire city.
Yeah.
Don't worry.
I've been looking around.
It's definitely just a lot of Italian food
Like your classic stuff
Although there is a Burger King with a 4.1
But it's Burger King
That might be the highest rated Burger King
In the world
It really might
Yeah
Yeah
Like otherwise just looking around
You know
Like it looks good
But man
That's definitely
I wonder
Yeah
They're what a unique feature
I guess you could say
Yes
Yeah. Yeah. I don't, uh, man. I'm jealous. I want to not only go see the ball statue and the ball building and get a coat of arms t-shirt with the balls on it, but I want to go eat next to the ball place. Like, I want to have a full triple ball experience. Let us know where it is otherwise.
Yes, please. Please do.
And that's the weather. All right, let's go to sports. Sports. Sports.
It's sports time.
Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
Sports.
Let's see.
For sports, we've got sports.
We had the Chargers beat the Vikings Thursday night in football.
Colts beat the Titans.
Broncos beat the Cowboys.
Buccaneers beat the Saints.
Texans beat the 49ers.
Ravens beat the Bears, the Bills.
Killed the Panthers, 40 to 9.
Mamma Mia. Eagles, 3820 over the Giants. Patriots beat the Browns. Jets got their first win
beating the Bengals. The Dolphins beat the Falcons. And currently, it is the second quarter where
the Packers are beating the Steelers 7 to 6, but there's a lot for time. So you never know.
Then we've got hockey. Hockey standings currently. We've got the Montreal, Canadian.
with 14 points.
First place in the Atlantic Division.
New Jersey Devils 8-1-0, 16 points.
Mama-Mea. Utah Mammoth, 8-2-0 at 16 points.
Dude, the Mammoth are first place.
Go Mammoth.
Then Golden Knights,
13 points atop the Pacific Division
with the Crackin, a point behind them.
Although, let's be very clear,
the Mammoths in Stadium mascot.
Not cool.
It's just a man with a mammoth face.
That sucks.
Yeah.
Should have got to be.
a giant ass snuffi olfagus in there.
They really should have. That's what I was expecting.
They can do better.
And then in the World Series, it's tied one to one.
So it's become a best of five, essentially.
So Blue Jays blew him out, game one.
Dodgers beat the Blue Jays 5 to 1 the next game.
So we will see.
It should be good.
And then the NBA has also started.
We got all the sports.
Currently, the Spurs.
and the Thunder both 3 and O
we've also got the Bulls and the
76ers at 2 and O
and then the Warriors Grizzlies
Hornets, Heat
Knicks, Cavaliers, Bucks
and Pistons are 2 and 1
And then that's
Sports
Okay
What is our
Big Fact of the Day?
Big fact of the day
Actually this is usually just a random thing
It's never a big fact.
So.
Never a big fact.
Never a big fact.
Uh, on most maps.
Wait, most maps of the world are wrong.
Well, um,
I believe that for some cases,
but I'm waiting for you to give me the explanation
because technically, yes, technically.
Uh,
On most maps, the Med Mercator projection, first developed in 1569, is still used.
This method is wildly inaccurate and makes Alaska appear larger or as large as Brazil and Greenland 14 times larger than it actually is.
For a map to be completely accurate, it would need to be life-sized and round and not flat.
That's why a lot of modern maps are sort of like two hemispheres rather than one big rectangle map.
Because, yeah, everything at the north and south pole, or the closer you get to the north and south pole on all rectangle maps is just warped.
And so everything seems much bigger than it actually is.
And the closer you get to the equator, the smaller everything appears.
So that's why people will do those YouTube videos that get so many views where they take like the actual size of things and put them and overlay them on top of each other.
And everyone's like, whoa, I didn't know that.
Yeah.
That is pretty cool, though.
I always thought that was weird, too, because, like, I'd always be like, man, Alaska's gigantic.
It's also the same reason why dudes get weird theories about Antarctica.
Like, if you look on one of the projection maps, Antarctica looks massive, which, you know, it's big and all, but it's not this giant wall of ice that is on maps.
Oh, yeah.
They're hiding something from us.
Yeah, which like again, like if there was an ice wall and like secret government stuff, like the the rich people would be fighting behind the scenes. They'd be like, I want control of the ice wall. Like they would be fighting over the ice wall. Like they wouldn't be getting along. Like no, no doubter in my mind. Like other countries would be like, we're taking the ice wall. Like that's how you know there's no ice wall. So all I'm saying is education needs to improve.
Yeah, that probably would be pretty good.
And just people and that go on the internet as much.
Yes.
Or to just not believe the internet as much.
It's the more important one.
That's your fact of the day.
Who's come to us with tears in their eyes?
We've got tears.
Do do do do do do do do do do.
All right, here we go.
There's nothing as funny as we've got tears.
The happiest sad boys.
All right, let's see.
First up, we have landed on
Dear Lusory Seres with tears in my eyes
and a Cox and Crendor tattoo on my bicep, I ask you.
Hell yeah.
Could you please make a gym routine for me?
I'm a regular at the gym,
but I would love to have a go at anything
that you can concoct for me.
Jesse's in charge of cardio,
Crenor in charge of weights.
Okay, all right.
Step one.
Before you go to the gym, you need to fuel up.
Some need you to drink one of those like creatine shakes and eat two toaster strudels.
How many milligrams of creatine?
I don't know, like 100.
All right, great.
Is that normal?
That's a lot, but there's probably people who do it.
Yeah, well, because you're going to need it because it's going to be a workout.
I just need a workout.
And then need the sugar from the toaster strudels to keep you going, right?
It's going to also really work your kidneys to a state.
Yeah, yeah, well, I mean, you got it.
That's the whole point.
It's working you inside and out, right?
Yeah, exactly.
All right, then, step two, when you get to the gym, you want to, you're not, you don't want to drive.
You want to run to the gym.
Right.
All right, so you put your workout gear on and you run to the gym.
Then when you get to the gym, you're all sweaty, you're ready to go.
You're worked up.
You're good.
You're good, right?
So you go in the gym, people are like, did you work out before you came here?
And you're going to look at them and you're going to say,
yep did you and then you're going to you know sneer at them a little then find uh anyone
working out at a like an elliptical or a treadmill or the stairs or whatever get right next
to them don't give them any room get right next to them established dominance you if they're
going at a speed at like let's say they're going at like a five speed you're going seven
you'll have so much creatine in your system
it'll be fine
yeah the creature will keep you going
right
plus you like you got yourself worked up
getting ready to get there
by running to the gym
so you're good
and you establish dominance over them
and you go faster than they are going
so other people when they see the two of you together
you look better that's just the rules
yeah
then when you're done with that
and you're collapsing
because your legs hurt
then Crenor can take over
Yeah, perfect. Now, here's the thing. I would just put you through numerous physical therapy exercises.
So everyone wants you to work the main stuff, but we're going to work the small muscle groups, all right?
So we're going to do like tendon exercises, all right? You take like a couple pound weight, you just hold it out there, 30 seconds to a minute.
Then you like twist your arm, hold it out, right? Just holding that weight out there in various positions.
Okay, then we'll do some of those like wrist exercises where you curl it up a bit and then curl it down.
We need to strengthen
the wrists and the tendons
We'll do like isometric holds
A lot of planks
All right
It's going to be all about isometric holds
That would be my thing
Is everyone's going to be like
At this point the creatine's kicking in
Oh yeah
You're like your body wants more
But you're just going to do little micro movements
Yeah
But that's what we're doing
We're bulking those small muscles
Yeah
And that's what it's all about
so I mean that that'll keep you healthy for at least of 50 to 100 years
and you want to moan loudly when you do it too
yeah that's so everyone in the gym knows that you're the dominant one yeah yeah if
you're not doing that that's that's the that's the proper form if you're not
screaming and moaning loudly it's if you're not like really causing a scene
then are you working out yeah you're not and if someone has to think can be a
spotter, say yes.
Yeah, and then after all that, drink another
100 milligram creatine shake.
Yeah, and then, like, you know,
go home and yell at someone.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Next up, we've got,
you're welcome for the advice.
All right, well, we landed on the same one.
We're not going to answer that again.
And, dear illustrious sirs,
I come before you with tears in my eyes,
and no tears in my shampoo with a query.
If you had the chance to revive Coxcon,
but it had to be in Canada,
where would each of you pick for its future location?
Would you go with a big city like Toronto, Montreal,
or smaller ones like Halifax or Saskatoon?
Obviously, we could end up at, like, climax,
which is in Saskatchewan,
or Spusim,
which is in British Columbia
but we saw a city
and I don't know if it was like
Dildo or yeah I was like way up north
and I remember that laughing at the name
and being like that's an awesome name
and now like Moose Jaw or something
yeah that's where we'd have to have it
in a small we have to be the biggest thing
in that small town yeah
that's I'm trying to find it
I'm looking around
it's got to be around here
Peace Point A Camp
Who punky doodles corner
That's pretty good
That's a good one
But punky doodles corner
It looks like it has exactly one house
Which I don't think we could have a con there
Yeah probably not
Probably not
There's got to be
Flynn flan
There's Flynn flan
There's
Let's be very clear
while I probably want to have it in either Toronto or Vancouver
because of where Canada is it's gonna we're gonna it's gonna be like Winnipeg
yeah probably oh you know you could have it in God's Lake
God's you know what my ego can only be so big
welcome to my lake everyone yeah I don't know they got God's Lake
God's River.
It would, we'd probably end up doing in Winnipeg.
It's small enough and it's close to the middle of the country.
Yeah.
I mean, if you go west of Winnipeg, there's Musoman.
Musumann.
That's a fun one.
Musumann.
They called me Musaemen.
Yeah, so there you go.
We'd probably just pick a place like that.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, look, I love.
Toronto. I've never been to Vancouver, but I could go to Vancouver. I could do that.
Yeah. And that's the near illustrious sirs.
Okay. What is our big news story of the day?
It is the big news story of the day. Day. Day.
Day. Day. So my normal weird news, I couldn't find one. But then I found
I found one
with my own research. I also just wanted to mention
this one. I was like
well maybe we'll see if Cosmo has anything
just because you know
You gotta check every once in a while I get it
Yeah every once in a while we've always checked Cosmo
I read one story
And that was it
It said what happens if you fall in love
With your therapist like nobody wants
This Morgan according to a therapist
What
Yep
And I was like, all right, well, that's enough Cosmo for today.
Wait, what, what, what, so the whole thing is like, what if you just, that's the Cosmo article?
Like, what if you fall in love with a therapist?
Don't act on it.
The end.
Yeah.
I was just like, it's not that hard.
Like, skimming down, it just says, is it ever okay for a therapist to date their client?
Simply no.
Well, right.
Obviously.
There you go.
Glad we had an entire article on that one.
Yeah.
Yeah, it seems like a weird thing for Cosmo unless, you know, that's the thing people write to Cosmo about often.
Like, you know, I was in therapy sitting here reading a Cosmo and I thought to myself, I should ask, is it okay for me to sleep with my therapist?
Yeah, like it's, that's some crazy shit.
So anyway, I've had a better story.
Okay.
A humongous pumpkin boat race features costumes, captains, and world record breaking sailor.
Okay, go on.
Is this in Florida?
Uh, I don't think so.
Give them pumpkin to talk about.
Yikes.
Let's give them something to talk about.
The Bonnie Raid song from the 90s and they're going to break out, give them pumpkin.
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
You know, who wrote this?
Who wrote this?
My aunt?
Who did it?
What the?
Brooke Steinberg, who is, uh, let's see.
Brooke covers everything from bizarre food trends to K-9 Couture since joining the post.
In 2019, she's written about a whole bunch of stuff.
She's been making her rounds on talk shows.
Her articles have been referenced on Tonight Show of Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live, Colbert, Drew Barrymore show.
wait reference what does that even mean
you know when
they're like don't hear about this
that kind of stuff
oh I see so they're just like
you see the pumpkin boat race
like that type of thing
yes yes so it's not even like they're like
oh a great article from Brooke Steinberg
they're just like oh she wrote about this thing
we'll like reference
yeah yes yes yeah like I can do that
I mean we're doing it right now
yeah we're doing it right now as featured
on the Cox and Grandor show I hope
Gords and ghouls gathered in
Toa Latin Oregon
For the 21st annual
West Coast giant pumpkin regatta
To watch competitors turn huge pumpkins
In the hollowed outfloating boats
This really is like a Dodger thing
So it kind of checks out
Yeah
This event has drawn large crowds
To the Portland suburbs since 2004
To get the humongous pumpkins
Into the small human made lakes
some of which weighed over 1,000 pounds.
Organizers used forklifts to carefully lower them into the water
before the racers carved out the insides
using wielding saws and knives to turn it into a vessel.
You know, it's just, it reminds me of the Food Network show.
Speaking of Food Network from earlier,
where they like carve out pumpkin, you ever see that?
Yeah, yeah, those are fun.
I'm not a big fan of the holiday shows
because they're just kind of like,
we're gonna make goofy cakes
like you couldn't even eat that cake
yeah it's
like I was watching
90% fondant what the
I was watching the pumpkin one
they're just like making scenes out of a pumpkin
carving then they're just like we'll have a
ghoul and a goblin and they'll be
like playing a game of poker
like just like random shit
and then it's like oh that's pretty cool
but like
okay
I don't know but it's kind of fun
to watch just because
I don't know
look the best the best version
version of that is the Saturday Night Live version where they have like Eddie Murphy on and they do that, you know, Halloween or Christmas baking competition thing. Those are the funniest versions of that. It's one of my favorite lines. Why, his green penis, of course. That's one of my favorite lines of dialogue ever. It's from one of those bits. It's just good stuff. Look it up. Eddie Murphy cooking challenge or whatever. Very funny.
the more insides removed the lighter the pumpkin and the easier it is to race
when all the carving was done there was enough discard seeds and pulp to fill a dumpster
competitors dressed into Halloween costumes
as they raced around the lake to loud cheers from the hundreds of onlookers
Gary Christensen dressed as Will Ferrell's buddy from the Christmas movie Elf won the first race
celebrating by raising his kayak paddle in the air from his large pumpkin boat
you got an exciting activity that crowds love.
You got costumes.
You got cheering people, spectacle pumpkins sinking.
It's got everything.
Christensen said.
We also have...
It's got everything.
We also have a Shrek in a pumpkin, as you can see there.
Yep.
Yep.
Honestly, I'm impressed.
That is a...
That is a, like, just the activity of going down a river and a gourd.
It's impressive.
It is pretty impressive.
Christensen competed in the regatta since 2013 and partakes in pumpkin boating more than just at the annual event.
It's kind of an addiction at this point, he said.
This dude's addicted to pumpkin boat racing.
I can't stop carving them out
and get inside and then throwing him in the water
back in May he got the Guinness World record
for the longest journey by pumpkin boat
after padding just paddling just over 58 miles
breaking his own record he set the previous year
the regatta has also become a passion project
for Brad Bonds this year
his fourth regatta he dressed up as
a character from Squid Game
Bonds grew
why we're a few years late on that one
Yeah, remember when
Squid game where they were all
They all got in the pumpkins
Dude, that was crazy
And then they shot everyone
Yep, that was
One of my favorites
Bonds grew
Is 1,376 pumpkin
On his own
Which took him six months total
Wait,
Bonds grew
So he
Yeah, he grew his pumpkin
Was he saying
This is his like
1,300th pumpkin
or like this is his way
I don't even know what that means
it took him six months
totally he said the fun of doing it on his own
is getting to culminate the season
by putting it in the lake
and paddling with our friends
Christensen said
there's a simple formula
to grow a massive pumpkin
good seeds, good soil, good luck,
hard work
that's like the type of shit
they hang on their wall
I was about to say
that sounds like something
like a 1950s guy
and a horse would tell someone
Good siege, good soil, good luck, and hard work, I'll get you anywhere.
Thank you, Mr. President.
He's like, yawn, rides off.
In a pumpkin.
Yeah, right, of course.
He kayaks down the river.
Wow.
The regatta, supported by Pacific Giant Vegetable Growers Association,
which cultivates massive pumpkins throughout the year,
has become a seasonal tradition in Oregon that makes the start of fall activities.
I thought I was going to say
like fun that just says this makes the start
that's it period
we never said they were fun
we also got one comment on this article
that said I want to see giant
zucchini whitewater racing
that person
is a listener of this show
yeah 100%
yeah no doubt in my mind
that person is a fan
that would be pretty intense
just white water rafting
because you know at some point
the zucchini and or pumpkin and or gourd would hit a rock and explode and that would be amazing to watch.
Yeah, there'd probably be like actual deaths in the, like it would be intense.
Well, when, you know, we hit the future of the running man and or other, you know, post-apocalyptic hellscapes.
Let's do it.
Yeah.
I agree.
Why not?
That and monster slash robot football.
Let's go.
Yeah.
This is now we're making the future.
This is what we've been waiting for.
And that's the big new story of the day.
All right.
Well, that's it for us.
Thanks so much for listening and watching.
I've joined this podcast.
Crendor, head on to the socials.
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Yep.
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All right. That's it. We'll see y'all next time. And as always, shake the rhino to be continued.
