Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 485 - Italians Like Noodle Arms?

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

The boys are back in Chicago for a live show and as usual it's a whole thing. Stories, audience interaction, and maybe a special guest or two! Go to https://buyraycon.com/cox to save up to 30% on Raycon audio products sitewide. Go to http://hims.com/cox for your free online visit.

Today's episode is brought to by Raycon. Raycon has got something good for your ears. Also, today we're brought to by Hymns. Hymns is here for you, gents. For all your gentlemanly needs. Let's jump on this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for Ghost and Trend Dog.

In the morning. In the morning. Broadcastle live, live, live, live, live. In four-hour recording studio, recording. Wake your ass up! It's up, Kaks, Krenton, and the morning. Hello, everybody.

Welcome to the Sunday episode of Kax and Kreda, the morning. See, that was pretty good. Anyway, welcome, everybody. It's so nice to see you all, especially in the balcony. You're all shadow people. I can't see anybody up there. Yeah, no, I can make out features.

Gorgeous, all of you. It's literally just shadow. shadows and darkness. We say it every time, but it really is. It really is. I know you're there. I can sense you, but it's terrifying. Because I make out just shapes.

And I could be the malort I've drank tonight. I don't know. Our loyal Frenchman, wherever you are in the balcony, right there. Yes. Yes. Brought us some snacks tonight. All right.

French snacks. So I'm very excited. He's brought french snacks every time though. Yeah, but these are to be tried on the show. Oh, okay. So get ready for that. All right. Are they like...

Are they like safe? Are they closed? You know? Maybe, maybe not, dude. I don't know. I'm not going to tell you. You have to give me a yes. I don't want to be definitive.

You realize you're just wildly throwing your alcohol everywhere on stage. There was probably a band here last night. band here last night that was less rowdy than you that's what they call me rowdy rowdy rowdy

rowdy is what they call you no one calls you yeah rowdy dude there's like a fog machine where's that coming from good I'm always good

except when I'm not uh yeah so usually the way we do the show is this uh fine gentlemen and I will have conversations about things. But I'd like to start tonight with last night. Oh yeah.

It's Halloween. Everyone's out doing their thing. People are run around dressed up as whatever. At one point, I don't know if Alex is in the crowd or around, but at one point he saw a woman dressed like the Tin Man. What? And then some guy was like, hey, suck my dick, Tin Man. And then Alex is like, leave her.

Like, leave her alone. That sounds like a Chicago interaction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we decided to go meet this young gentleman. Well, I was like, let's get food. Because you're like, you're like, what do you want to eat? And I was like, well, what do you want to eat? Like, you're coming here.

And you're like, me and Mathis don't care. Davis goes, ass. Yep. And Alex is like, Polish food. Yep. So we're like, all right, Polish it is. So I message you was like, what are Polish places we could go to? There's a few of them, but the one we went to is up until midnight.

So I was like, you know what, all right, we'll go to that one. So we get there. And it is like a disco rave going on. I've never eaten at a restaurant that was also a rave. But it was like a birthday rave. They were having like a birthday party. But it was like a Halloween birthday party? It was tough.

Like, our waitress was either 12 or 26. I do not know. I couldn't tell if she was forced to work there. I don't know what's going on. She was definitely from Poland. Yes, for sure. Yeah. And then, yeah, for some reason, every waitress was dressed like a mouse and or police officer.

Or cat. Was there a cat? Yeah. Well, it was Halloween. I understand. For some reason, they all dressed up. I don't know why. No, no.

Like, I understand why they would have. dressed up, but I'm saying the options were either police officer and or mouse. Maybe that's all they had. I mean, it's easy. It's like put on a head bane. It's cops and rats. Cops and rats? Is that a Chicago thing?

Yes. Yes. Are you serious? Yes. And now my answers are had, and I'm good. I'm fine. I'm fine with that, yeah. But it was great, did all the things on it.

And so, but that's not the fun. The fun was the fact that that party, the rave party, was incredible. And everything going on with, I couldn't look away. I was facing it, and every time I noticed something new. There was a guy dressed up like Poseidon and or King Trident, depending on, if you're the Disney version. Yep, and he was dancing with the mermaid. He was dancing with a mermaid, who just so happened to also look like Elsa?

I don't know. Yeah, it was like a two for one. But then there was also a mother-daughter pair where the mom was Wednesday and the daughter was morticia? However, it wasn't until, I don't know, at a certain point when they all got very drunk. Yeah. That a random guy comes up to our table, stumbles up, kind of looks at all of us, and it's like, you got to live every day like it's your last man we were like what he's like yeah you know

you're not old enough to have fun you gotta just live life because we ain't dead yet and we were like yeah man no we're not dead yet hell yeah dude hell yeah and he's like so what shall do it? And Alex tries to communicate with him. He's too drunk to talk to.

Like too drunk. He's gone. But Alex says something. He says something like, yeah, man, we're not dead yet. And the guy looks at my, just goes, I fought in a war. We were like, what? He was like, yeah, I was in the war. Didn't say which war?

Wasn't going to ask which war But I believed him Yeah, I just let that man go Yeah Anyway Keep on Keep it on And then walked up these stairs

Up into the party Yeah Which by the way I wrote down some notes from this party Because I wanted to make sure I really described to you What this was There was a DJ

Blasting what can only be described as Crendor music. It was essentially Eastern European EDM which makes sense because it's a Polish restaurant. So it was like really my culture. Yes.

Yeah and it was, I didn't know any of the lyrics but the beats were good. That's what it's all about. Until at one point all the music stopped and there was forgive me for this. Ah! Ah!

Ah! for like 30 seconds. Just screaming. Even the wait staff are just like, what the, and I looked at Crendor, I look at everyone else. I swear to God, after the last, ah, it goes, Happy birthday to you.

I have no idea what that was. And then, Again, you're going to have to help me here. All right. Everyone stood up, looked to the DJ like it was a flag. Happy birthday. No one was singing along. No one was doing anything.

They all turned to the DJ like he was the glorious leader. I couldn't see if there was anyone up there. And if there was, no one seemed to be happy about it. Yeah. Well, that's just Eastern Europe. If you're happy, it's like you can't do that. But the best part, and I'll let you tell this tale. As we're standing outside.

Yep. We're getting ready to leave. And there's a man dressed as, what would you say? It was like a renaissance. Yeah, he was kind of like a lord. He was like a foppish lord. Yeah, like he went to like a renaissance ball. And they like went out to their car.

And he was coming back. And they were taken forever. and he's like, come on, man, my nipples are fucking freezing. We just looked at each other like, yep. The best part is most people didn't notice. And you and I went like, immediately we looked at each other and just, dude, daddy, we're going to talk about this tomorrow. I think we're just always aware of our surroundings for podcast materials.

Yes, and that guy loudly said it and the fact that no one else noticed was shocking to me. Yeah, and then the guy he was with was like and then he just started smoking. That was it. At one point, some guy was yelling

about a sports car. He was like, look at this car. Yeah, I think that car also like, groomed off. Yeah, what? I think it was a lot of Polish people like cars. I wouldn't know. I remember in high school,

There's a bunch of kids that had cars, and they were always Polish. I can't tell if that's offensive or not. I'm like one-third Polish. I can, like, one-third to say that. So you could one-third razz those guys. All right, I get it. I get it.

I understand. Yeah. To be fair, that half of my family is kind of crazy. What do you mean? What kind of crazy? Like, that was the side where then, like, my great grandma is Polish. And then my great-grandpa was also Polish was, like, always drunk. And she's like, he bring home everything.

He bring home tree one day. He bring home dog. He bring home woman. And I was just like, oh, okay. What do you mean? Hold on. Wait, what? Yeah, that was what they said.

Was she referring to her or just another woman? No, he literally brought home another woman. She was like, I said, you son of bitch. I was like, all right. So I guess that's my ancestry. So, yeah, that was one-third of it. Is this part of your family that lives to be, like, 103? Yeah.

I think so. Because we're like, my grandma just turned 100. And then my other grandpa got to 95. My other grandma, she was like full German. She was 97. And then my Polish grandpa, who was like 81, so he was like the youngest one. Can I ask you a question? How much pain were they in?

Oh, a ton. That's what it's all about. Right. So you guys live forever. but you are constantly in pain. Yeah, it's like the monkey paw where you live a long time but you're just always in agony.

Sure, I get it. Even when I'm like talking about my hips, I'm just like, oh, my hips hurt. My aunt's like 67. She's like, oh, I've had pain since I was like 25. I was like, oh, that's good. We're outside earlier. And Crenner's like,

gotta get the calves working. And not for a few seconds. For like seven minutes. He's like, oh. Ham strings, not calves. My bad, I'm sorry. Yeah. I don't want to misrepresent what happened.

Yeah. It's been a long summer of Crendor leg injuries. So I had my knee, and then because I was moving slow with my knee, that messed up my Achilles and my lower leg. It's that tight in my calves, and my calves went to my hips. So now it's just been like rehab, but now I'm doing better, but now like 100% better, which is why I have to do my leg movements. I've felt like an old Polish man

since I was like 24 years old. The way to describe your injuries is like the leg bones connected to the thaw bone. Well, I mean, everything is connected. Damn, dude. You flew my mind. Because I did this because I strained my hip flexor literally on stream because I was like streaming.

Wait, how? No, no, no. You can't. What were you doing? I was playing Blood Bowl. And I literally went to, like, sit, like, cross-legged, but I, like, went too fast and, like, pulled too hard. And then I just felt my hip flexor just strain and just pull. And I was like, ugh. And then that set off a chain reaction where just every muscle in my, like, everything around here just tightened up. And so I was just like, all right, then I went to rehab.

And they're just like, dude, you're such a weird case. I'm like, yep. Sure I am. It's great that they nailed you immediately. Yeah. They were like, oh, no. This is a weird case. Yeah, because he's like, what's wrong?

I'm like, my legs. And he was like, oh. And then he's like, dude, like, your quads are like insanely flexible, but your hip flexors are like two by fours. Like, I can't even like bend these things. And I was just like, yeah. Yeah.

What? You didn't have any follow-ups? You were just like, yep, that's me. What am I going to say to that? Like, no, you're wrong. I figured you would ask questions. I was just like, he's right. My hip flexors are like two by fours.

You wouldn't ask why that is? Well, he got there, eventually. It's because you sit in a chair for 30 years. So when you sit, okay, let me tell you, all right, here you go. When you sit, all right, when you sit in the chair, all right, your hip flexors are just like this, but your glutes are just inactivated. but have you ever thought about sitting like a coach trying to tell their class something

all right class have you ever thought about that that honestly probably would have been healthier because you're doing like more proper posture you're sitting forward plus it bunches up your junk so like that's pretty cool and it doesn't lead the interior pelvic tilt yeah see and I'm like

hey guys I want to talk to you today about drugs right yeah so it's about activating the glutes okay sure yeah so you got to activate the glutes pretty much you get old and then you just realize how fast your body's breaking down.

Not me, baby. I'll be half robot by the time I'm done. So it's pretty much I'm doing like 70-year-old physical therapy at like 36 but that's good because now when I'm 70 I'll know what to do.

You'll do like 120-year-old physical therapy at something. Or I'll get the robot hips by then. Yo, shout out to the future. I'm ready. Yeah, that'll be good. These assholes are trying to make like robots to clean your home,

and I'm like, androids, that's trash. Cyborgs is what we should be for. I want Jack's arms. Yeah. I want to be able to punch through walls. I want my arms to turn into like, I don't know. Noodles? If no one heard that,

the option was given that my arm turns into noodles. noodles. And the question I have for you is one noodle? Like a pool noodle? No, no. One giant spaghetti noodle. I think, honestly,

there's a lot of problems with spaghetti noodle arms. Number one, it's going to drag on the ground to get dirty. Wait, hold on. How big is the spaghetti noodle arm? Is it my whole arm? It's a girthy noodle. So it's like a girthy noodle. And then, like, people want to eat that girthy noodle.

No, people don't want to eat the girthy noodle. So my girthy noodle arm, did you watch hentai before you came here? That explains a lot. Yeah, okay. All right. That's good to know. All right. Italians like noodle arms?

Italians like noodle arms is a phrase I've never thought I'd hear. in my life. You're in something new every day. Italians like noodle arms is the name of the episode. Done. Easy. Yep. Easy. Yes.

Yes. Put it on his shirt? No. All of Italy will come for us. As we went out. Mm-hmm. I realized it was November. And you might say, Jesse, how did you know it was November?

Well, dear friend. Let me ask the day after Halloween. True. I mean, like, yeah, all right. Yeah. Mathematically, sure. Geologically. Yeah.

but as we were going around we're doing stuff, we're walking around the city today and three guys are walking by and the reason I realized it was November and not still October is because the guy goes I got 30-some days

of no-nut literally wrote down the note no-nut 30-something days 30-some days man didn't even know he was like which by the way

What? Why? Is he, well, it's like, is he doing this just as like a thing with his friends? Like he was saying it out loud. Dude, I don't know. I heard exactly three seconds of a conversation and I was like, oh cool, that's what we're doing, I guess. That's like a, that's a pretty tight-knit friend group then. If you're bringing up no nut November, you know.

You know what, you're exactly correct. Yeah, there's a line. There's a line in the friend group where you're like, maybe we shouldn't talk about this. Yeah. I was like, there's no lines with us. We're that good of friends. That sounds like they're pretty good friends. Right?

They probably are like tight as shit. They're good buds. They've been through some stuff. That's a band of brothers. It really is. Make a movie about that. Yeah. Every other month except November,

they're easy company. Yeah. That's for the band of brothers. fans out there. But also, while we were at breakfast this morning, I heard, this is a very Crendor level of, oh, I heard exactly three sentences from a conversation, and I have no idea the context.

All right, perfect. Great. This is what I heard. Buddy, I'm not pulling another guy's pants down, but they had the Pokemon cards. Exactly. I'm glad we're on the same page, everyone. I was like, what does that mean?

Well, he's going to pull his pants down, and then he realized there's no nut November. He didn't do that. It wasn't the same guys. I'm just saying, you know, he realized. There's some people. They'll do anything for Pokemon cards. You know how they're those machines

that you see the dudes, line up in front of and take every Pokemon pack that's in there. So like scalp them or whatever. In the airport, there was one. And as we're walking from the terminal, we see these Pokemon cards. We're like, what the hell are they doing here?

And shockingly, they were still filled with cards because I imagine no one's going into the terminal to get Pokemon cards. Right. But as we're looking at them, some random dude walks up who looks, I'm going to say 60-70. And he's like,

damn those are sold out everywhere and we're like yeah probably no one's behind him because they're in the shop here they're you know we're in the terminal he's like all right bye I don't know his

interest level I don't know why he cared I don't know why he came up to us probably just wants to be involved cool dude yeah he just wants to be involved that's what my dad does that shit all the time He'll just say shit doesn't matter. That's probably where I get half my DNA from.

No, it definitely is where you get half your DNA from. Like, it definitely is. And then, like, my mom will, like, actually listen to you and stuff. So I got, like, luckily I was able to get that side in there. Luckily. My dad is the type, you could just be taught, say something. Just say something. I like tacos.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Right My favorite part Yep Yeah you know I went to the doctor the other day You talked about prostate

Prostate Oh yeah By the way We went to our It was like a birthday the other week And they're like it's like 30 minutes away Can you drive us there? I was like

Yeah Because I knew I knew what I was in for And instantly he gets in the car He's just like Yeah I call the doctor He said prostate I got to get the prostate thing

They go in there The PSA, they call it, right? When they're my age, right? They stick the finger up there when you're like 40, all right, you're almost there. But then, when you get to 70s, you know, my age, they do a PSA, but they always say, you know, the prostate's got the cancer, right?

So I don't want that. And I was just like, uh-huh. By the way, he has said this every time to me for the past year and a half that we get together. And he's just like, let me tell you a bit, I'm like the prostate, yep. I'm still shocked the way you describe being born. is you know

thankfully I got half of my mom and me and half of my dad like in some way that would not happen you never know what do you mean you never know that's like if you were just

your dad completely that's what I'm saying every day I get closer to that moment where I realize I'm like this close yeah that's what I'm saying but that's like my his prostate is my

hip flexors. That's what I... That's what I... Every day I get closer to it, I'm just like, my hip flexers. Just wait till something goes wrong with their prostate or hip flexors. Then they'll get it. Everything's connected.

All right. All right. Well, I made a promise tonight, Crendor. You aren't aware of this. All right. But I promised that I would give you exactly five minutes on stage to do whatever you want.

He probably just has to go to the bathroom or something. Oh, never mind. How does what from while? How does what from wow? Ork from wow? I don't know what that means. How does orc from wow? What am I dreaming right now?

I'm an orc? What's the deal? Honestly, yesterday I was like in the shower and I was just thinking to myself like, I'm just like some guy, you know? Like if I just didn't even make YouTube videos I would just be some guy You like walk out in public

And everyone's like it's just some guy But then somebody will be like Dude you're that guy that made a video And made me laugh And I'm like dude nice I did that And I just had that thought I was like

It's pretty wild You know What part of the shower Was this hair Body Well the hair's like at the end Yeah I was washed my hair at the end.

Hold on. I must interrupt. What do you mean hair is at the end? Well, Toaster Woman told me that you're supposed to do the hair at the start. But I was like, I always do the hair

at the end, so I don't care. I got to do it at the end. You know that Toast is right. Yes. But I've done this for so long that, like, I feel like if I don't do it that way, I'm going to, like,

I'm going to, like, not be able to fall asleep. Because, well, you wash your body, then you wash your hair. Then you wash your face, and then I'm done. What's wrong with it? I must stress, for everyone listening at home, the look on people's faces in the audience is both a mix of horror and fascination.

What's wrong with that? Top down, why? Conditioner, well, just wash yourself again after the acne, or after the, whatever. Before the acne. after the acne it's honestly you probably get more acne

from like stress and sugar and like shitty diet exactly so let me wash myself however I want what's the deal you wash yourself top down

and I top up all right I'm gonna save you from yourself we're going to Do A-S-M-R. No? So what are these?

All right, anyway. These are... Our dear Frenchman, who comes to every show, and we love him, except now we can't harass him for bringing a different woman every time. Because he's settled down. We've broken him.

We've broken him. And when I say we, I mean, she broke him. Yes. Destroyed his soul. No, don't you dare talk. We know what happened. You can't do this. Anyway, we were brought,

Brett's Le Crispier Francoise. Three flavors. And we have three flavors. This is Yakutori. We have Meat Cocte de Beau and tarfalet.

And tarfilette, yeah. And we have to try these. Yeah, these also have a NutraScore of C Yeah. On the ABCD's... For Cox and Grendor! Honestly, like a NutraScore of C is like not bad. It's so funny to me that the packaging

of this is a potato chip but then just a steak. That's what I'm saying. Like, are these steak flavored, dude? It's got to be. Why else do they put it on there? What else would they put in them? Great question.

All right, I'm going to do yakotori first. I'm going to sit down. This is, we're trusting you. If you screwed us, we're going to have a problem, you and I. Dude, they actually taste like tarfalet. Do you know what tarfilette is? Yeah, it's cheese and garlic. All right, hold on.

Eat this first. So at least you have a baseline. What does that taste like to you? Which one? This one? Yeah, it's Yakutori, but what do you think that is? This tarfalet tastes like somehow both cheese and ham and onion. How's that possible?

Naila just tastes like cheese. No, it tastes like ham, dude. I don't think so. Hold on. I think you're mixing it with this one would taste like ham. One brave soul, come here. This one's ham. I'm going to feed this to you sexually.

All right, give me feedback It tastes like ham That's what I'm saying It's cheese Okay, what's that? It actually has like a steak It like hits you with a bit of steak It hits you with a bit of steak

Not like crazy, not a crazy hit A little bit What the hell? I told you it tastes like steak But not crazy It's unnatural It is unnatural It tastes like steak

But it's a potato chip and that's unnatural. Yeah. It shouldn't be. That's like Pringles do that shit. Like that's an abomination before God. Yeah. We shouldn't be playing around with this.

That is, yeah. That's like Jurassic Park. Yeah. They were too busy trying to like see if they could and not thinking if they should. Yeah. It is, that is like.

That's not, that's probably like destroying my inside. Hold on, hold on. Who wants to taste this? What the? Hold on. All right. I'll let you pick. All right.

Oh, great. All right, you have to, we have to know what it tastes like. Oh, so you can all try here. All right, what do you think? It doesn't taste like gravy. What does it taste like? I don't know. It doesn't taste like steak.

Say something. Something! Listen. Isn't it called me big? Tell what it tastes like. Do any of you know? It tastes like the way brown would taste. I don't think you're allowed to say that.

This is all because of the French. It really is. The French did this to us. I will never forgive you. Today's episode is brought to you by Raycon. Raycon's everyday earbuds have become a go-to gift for the holidays. They sound great, they last all day, and then some, with 32 hours of battery life,

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Hymns.com slash Cox. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Featured products include compound and drug products, which FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required, see website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. It's time. It's time for seven of the scouts. Crendor, Cranda, how's that traffic out there?

Oh, man. Traffic is insane. actually was insane getting here. It's like you get a pretty decent amount of a, you know, freeway traffic, and then you hit the Chicago traffic, and it's just like stop and go. And then there's some guy that's like, what if I drive on the side of the road? You're not supposed to drive on, and then try to cut back in and be like, yo, let me back in. Everyone's like, we're not letting you back in. And then he's just like, I'm coming in. And you're just like, God damn it, don't let this guy in. And it's always some, like, shitty-ass stupid car. And then, you know, we got here. So that's traffic.

Thanks, Krendar. All right, let's go to Crendor at the weather desk. Grendor, how's that weather? I got a Woppy. Oh, my God. He's in the back. Wopi's very big. He's backstage.

He's just a lot. He's a lot. Yeah. Especially over the years. He's broken down more than I have. Yeah, that's true. Wow, I got a text from Jesse Cox that said, get me a shot of Malort. That's crazy.

How dare you put me on blast like that? I thought it was Alex. Wop me activated. My location, Chicago, 44 degrees, Fahrenheit, mostly clear. Now, 44 degrees. 9 p.m., 44 degrees. 10 p.m., 43 degrees. 11 p.m., 43 degrees.

Midnight, 43 degrees. 1 a.m. 42 degrees. 1 a.m. again, 42 degrees. Sunday, 54 degrees. Paranite. Monday, 58. Visibility. 10 miles. 86% humidity.

Waxing gibbous moon phase. Minus six degrees from average daily high. Eight mile per hour wins. Beals, uh, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Yeah, it's hard to work this thing. I get it. Sound like it was broken.

Yeah, we need a new model. Yeah, why father? Yeah. All right, let's go to sports. Oh, oh, oh. Do you have all on moon faces? Let's get that detail. You can grab it.

I got a... Before I do that, I want to put you on the spot here. What do you? Oh, which one of us? Which one of us? Give it... Holy shit. Give me the microphone, please.

Hello. Wait a... Whoa, whoa. This show just got commandeered. This is my show now. This is my weather segment. Yeah! Honestly, you've probably earned it at this point.

All right, yeah. All right, real quick. Is there a reason why you guys don't record the live sessions? Like a video recording? A video recording? No, I'm not done. That's a great question. I don't know.

We never thought about it. It never crossed my mind. We do a podcast. All right. Two years from now, we'll be 15 years of you guys doing this. Fifteen? Don't say shit like that. I have a way to up the ante on my spreadsheet.

If you promise in 2027 at your next at your 2027 live show to do a video recording of your live show, I will create a PowerPoint presentation. People, I will allow people, either you guys can ask me questions or I don't know. I don't know. I'll let you guys figure out the logistics of how you, of what kind of statistic. or facts you want to know about your episodes throughout the years leading up to that show.

No, no, no, no. I want you to create a PowerPoint with zero instruction. And you just make whatever you think we'll need. I'm good with that, too. And we'll go from there. All right, and then you guys can present it. Yeah, great.

I will make this promise to you because I'm not even convinced Chicago will be here in 2027. So I'm fine with that. Yes, I promise you. Okay, thank you. You still didn't give us your information. Oh, boy, here we go.

For those of you at home who do not know or those of you who are in the audience who are not aware, this is a ridiculous level of detail about every weather segment we've done for roughly 484 episodes. And it has every single bit of moon phase, it has every location we've done, and it like tallies the amount

of things... It's a level... It's a level of detail that is both impressive and insulting. Are you... There's copies and I made sure the text is readable for you this time. Thank you. It was who. This one's longer.

I needed a longer one. Yeah, we have all... Do you have the final stats at the end? Yeah. First off, what is this page? This is like one eighth of a graph. Look at this. That's the little waxing moon graph.

You couldn't The other copy? No, I'm going to stick with a long copy. This one speaks to me. The size matters. I got to sit down. I would love to show it. So we have learned

that in almost 500 episodes that 19% Actually, there's almost a tie between waxing crescent, waxing gibbis, and first quarter when it comes to 19%. Next is waning crescent at 18%. And then, hilariously, last quarter coming in at 4%. Is last quarter even a moon phase?

I don't remember that existed. We should do a poll on everyone's favorite moon phase. Yeah, all right, all right. This is true. That's good. That's good content right there. Yeah, that's good. All right.

First off, how many of you even know the moon phases? Everyone. All right, great. How many of you love to wax your crescent? Boo. What about waxing your gibbis? What about waning your gibbis?

How many of you are a fan of a full moon? Well, that's definitely going to win. Our audience tonight, werewolves. Yeah. What about the new moon? Your favorite twilight movie. Is that a twilight movie? That is indeed a twilight movie.

And what about first quarter? I am. Yo, fuck. First quarter. and last quarter. No half moon on this list. Sorry. No half moons.

No half moons. We've never called half moons. We've never called half moons? Yeah, tough shit moon, I guess. Damn. All right. Yeah, and those, that's fantastic. Do you have a list of the, have we ever doubled up on a city

besides when Crendor are totally messed up? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what the city is? Oh, like in a row? Yeah, in a row. If there's, has there ever been a time where he's done a city and then the next week done the exact same city? No.

Lies! The first one with Lance Scroda was the very first. Did you say Lance Scrodom? Lance Scrodom. No wonder he picked that city twice. That's a great-ass city. If you look, all the cities in red are repeats of some, from a.

We have a lot of Chicago. Damn, that checks out. I love you did was Buffalo. I love you, by the way. Dude, that is insane. I must stress this. All right, let's go to sports. Sports.

Oh, on really quickly. Am I happy tonight or am I sad? What's going on in the World Series? Currently, bottom of the fifth inning, two outs, three-one Blue Jays. Cool. All right. Nobody likes the Dodgers, except L.A. people. They're the Yankees of the West.

In the NBA, magic beat the wizards. Pacers beat the Warriors. That's crazy. Timberwolves beat the Hornets. Kings beat the bucks. The Old Bulls. The Celtics are losing to the Rockets. The hockey.

We got Canadians beat the Senators. Wild beat the Canucks. Wait, is there like Canadian people here? Oh, damn. All right. Why were you shocked by that? Where do you think we are? It's like an hour drive, dude.

An hour drive. It's like an hour drive. He's from L.A. Just let him, you know. Right? Like, everything's shorter up here. It's like an hour drive. It's not an hour. Don't you just cross a bridge? Don't you cross a bridge? Don't you? Isn't there a bridge? A bridge.

The old Chicago Canada bridge built in 1816. Okay. Yeah, I think he's got too much, my lord. Uh, and, uh, Garcia beat Onama. What? I'm just reading. In what sport? Uh, by knockout.

UFC fight night. Okay. Also, the RMA beat Val, 4-0. Spanish La Liga. Did you say Spanish Lolita? La Liga. Liga. Liga. Like a league.

Like a Liga. La Liga. Sure, okay. All right. That's, look, that's sports. All right. Yeah. What is our fact of the day?

Oh, God. Did you not plan for the fact of the day, Crendor? Do you forget? I would never forget. What are you typing in right now, facts? I was just making sure this fact was good. Right, oh, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you know that Japan has one vending machine for every 40 people? That makes sense. Have you ever seen those videos where they go to the rest stop area and it's just like 80 vending machines and they all have different foods and drinks and stuff? I think that's so cute. I love that.

We need more of that here, except I know for a fact here, they would be destroyed. They would ruin it. Because they're like vending machines in the middle of nowhere and there's no one around. Here, we would have destroyed those 20 years ago. Yeah.

Also, the Caesar salad was invented in 19. Not in Italy. Where was it? Surely you would have a thing there. It's just a blurb that says a fact. I think it was in Mexico. I think so. And I think it was to impress

some type of royalty or some shit. I think so. No? Maybe I'm thinking. I'm thinking of like some type of pasta. Most good food was like crapped together by dudes who were like, I don't know, man. Frankly, I'm here for it. It's great. All right. Is that it? Is our fact of the day?

Yes. Great. Thanks, bud. That was two facts. Now we need two people, two brave souls who have questions. Who have questions for us. This is that, it's an important part of the show. We have people raise their hand and lower their hand. You have to have tears in your eyes

when you come to us with these important questions. These are the most, and you must stress, dear illustrious sirs, with tears in my eyes. Hold on, who said that? You're one, get up here. Yes. Yes, you, yes. You got double pointed at, yes.

All right. Okay. I'm going to use this mic. I don't even know that mic works, to be honest. Tess. Dear Lustre Serce. Oh, it does. I, for those who cannot see,

they've kneeled down. And be gone, hooray. Dude, I can do my Joel Oste. This is how we start on, this is how we start our cult. We're gathered here today for something special. Hold on,

you got to get it right up there and do it. We have found some Lord's servants right here. I cross-rate myself for you, sirs. Thank you so much. Do you have money? How much? Anything we'll do. We even accept gift cards. Carry on. Dear illustrious, sirs, with tears in my eyes.

Yes. I ask of the, what is your favorite horse? Probably Daiwa Scarlet. I am so upset because I was going to wear an Umasume shirt tonight. Underneath this, that was going to be my sweet, sweet girl. But instead I wore this.

Take it off! It's not a horse though, but I want to let you know Haru's my girl. What's your shirt say? I don't even see it. My shirt is a frog and it says, Rage Against the Machine. Oh, okay.

Some sort of frog from some sort of place. I don't know what that place would be. Right. Yeah, I don't know what that was. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just a frog. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Man, the audience at home are loving this episode. That's what I was doing it, because everyone always would be like, what's his shirt say? Thank you, by the way. Also, more importantly, that's their fault for not buying a ticket. That's true. Yeah, that's on them.

But we also love you and listening. What was that? The audience says that. All right, our next victim. All right, dear illustrious sirs, with tears in my eyes. Thank you. in like your first episode you talked about how you like a breakfast place that refills your coffee without being asked love it on that note what's your favorite breakfast placed in chicago in chicago there's two that

i like the most one's just egg harbor but that's like there's a bunch of egg harbors all over but like it's like a nice quaint breakfast place but there's wildberry wild berry's great I think Wildberry is probably my favorite breakfast place. And it's just like, I don't know. I think brunch is the best meal. You know? Fair enough. Because it's like you get breakfast or lunch.

You get whatever you want. It's great. My favorite Chicago breakfast place? Yep. Oh, my favorite L.A. breakfast place? Hold on. Alex Faciani, where are you? Alex.

Alex. Where are you? Oh, there he is. Come here, come here, come here, come here. Alex is going to say, like, some insane, like, back alley Los Angeles. He's like, there's a place in L.A. We're a homeless man.

What is the name of the L.A. place that we got that ham at? What ham? The ham. Oh, my God. Okay, it's called the ham house. Is that an underwhelming answer just because it has the word ham in it?

I like that it's straightforward into the point. Nick's Cafe in Chinatown, Ham House. Good salsa, good ham. They fry the muffins. Damn. You get breakfast, right? And then they're like, do you want toast or biscuit? And then you want a muffin?

I was like, I love a blue bear muffin. They're like, okay. And then they take the blueberry muffin. They cut in half and they flat top grill that shit. so when it ends up on your table it's like it's so good anyway dude what was that uh

breakfast place we went to where that woman got yelled at by the drunk guy off the street that was called Beach 26 it's not great but he literally came it off the street and he's like you're not my blind date there was a

woman sitting there and she was like by herself a guy sat down next to her and we all assumed everyone in the restaurant I assumed was a blind date. But he was clear as a drunk man off the street. And she finally said, I don't know you're not my blind date. And then his friends were like, we gotta go, man. We gotta go.

I feel like I was stoned on the couch watching Cox and Crenor like two seconds ago. And now I'm like here. Like I just like stepped into a cartoon. Like I don't know how this happened. I'm talking about ham on stage. I mean, you might still be dreaming and or high. I'm not sure.

How much Malort have we had? That's it? No, Jesse's asking for freedom with his eyes, and I'm going to let him go. I'm going to let him go at least for now, but we'll see. I'm going to, I will embarrass him yet later. Jeez, thanks. We'll disappear into the shadows now. Get the ham.

Nick's Cafe, the beef chips? Dude, yeah. Try one of these. Take those to Davis. He'll love them. Yep, and then tell us what you taste. Hold on, what do you taste? It tastes like the middle of a piece of prime rip,

like the rare steak. Dude, that's what I'm telling you. It's got like a steak hit. But it doesn't taste like the color brown? Brown and like brown and like maroon. Yeah, yeah, like a caramelized onion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This man said brown and maroon.

Like a wine. Yeah, oh yeah. A little sauce for your steak. This is... These are fucking delicious. They're actually not bad. Here, there's the other one. There's the other one. Did you guys have programming schedule?

All right, hold on. Yo, Tartre Flats. Are these from France? Where are this? Yeah, they're from France. Oh my God. These are so accurate. What do you taste on that one? The cheese? That tastes exactly like a tart of flet.

What is that? It's like a little slice. You put it in a pan, it's cheese, it's onions, it's maybe like a, you know, potato, it's good. Yeah, what kind of cheese though? It's like a... I don't know, I've never made it. I don't even know what cheese you just said. I didn't... Meshemel?

It's not like a... It's not like a cheese. You know, it's a sauce. I don't know. It was in a pan. It was in a pan. It was good. It's potatoes.

It's like scala potatoes. Is this the show? Am I doing the show now? Give me this. Get out of here. I believe him. Thank you. Those are some good questions.

All right. Crendar. Yep. What is our... Sit down again. Got a little too worked up. What is our big news story of the day? I found a good one.

Cool. Monkey gets loose inside Spirit Halloween in Texas. Is it too much to hope this happened on a Monday? When was the 29th? I don't think it was a Monday. No. No. Well, hold on.

That was the one was reported. That's what it was reported. There could still be hope it's a monkey Monday. We'll find out. All right. A pet monkey guy. got loose from its owner at a Spirit Halloween in Texas and spent more than... No, stop!

Someone did not bring their pet monkey to a Spirit Halloween. More importantly, if this article doesn't stress whether they were there for a costume for them and their monkey, or just them, is important. The facts matter. Thank you. And it spent more than 30 minutes swinging from rafters and poles. Amid, that's what a monkey does.

Arlene Pinkston said she and her daughter. We're shopping at Halloween stores in Plano when they spotted the monkey. My daughter looked up and she said, what in the world? And she's like, is that a monkey? And I looked up and said, well, it's got a diaper on, so I guess it's real. Spirit Halloween employee, Jimmy Harris said the monkey was apparently scared by an animatronic display. display and fled from its owner. It was entertaining, Harris said.

A lot of people just stood and watched it for like 30 minutes the whole time. They were like, monkey. And we even had kids trying to catch it. A plaintiff police officer responded to the store toward the end of the monkey's time on the loose. He observed the monkey swinging from the rafters wearing a diaper, police said in the statement. Eventually, a cookie was offered to the monkey

by the owner and was able to gain control of it. Police said the monkey was not injured and did not pose any danger to the store's human customers. What? Hold on. During this time, when the diaper monkey is swinging from the rafters, the owner was shopping? I guess.

Still in the store enough to be like, hey, get down here, man, I got a treat for you. Maybe they just lost their monkey. Then they're like, I got to keep shopping. How would you lose a monkey in an indoor Halloween store. It's a good question. They didn't answer it.

Maybe. The Jasper County Sheriff's Department in Missouri said Tuesday that three monkeys are on the loose after a truck carrying Rizuse monkeys from Tulane University was involved in a crash. You know the best part about this, by the way? I just saw an update of this article

about the monkey crash. And apparently the driver just made up everything. What? He was like, I guess he told the police, like, those are COVID monkeys and they got like HIV and shit and they're crazy. And he just made it up. What the hell? Exactly.

And people were panicking about monkeys that were going to bite them? I don't know. I feel like that's a weird thing to be afraid of. It's like the random, like, random monkey coming to get you. That is. But this monkey was just having fun. He was just swinging around. Most monkeys are having fun, dude.

And that's what's so upsetting. There was a video. I saw this video on Reddit where's this woman, she's like in like a river and she's on a canoe and monkeys are jumping off of branches into the water. They're just living their life.

And she's like, look at these guys. Everybody's just living their life. Right, and everyone's terrified of monkeys and they're just having fun. Yeah. People want to bring into restaurants and restaurants are like, no thanks. Yeah, like it's unsanitary.

Yeah. Unbelievable. They're like, that monkey bit of child. Well, your child shouldn't have been pissing off the monkey. Yeah. Exactly. We are ruining it for monkeys. We really are.

I've been saying this for years. What about the monkey and me? The monkey and you? We are all monkey. Why don't we get to have that right? The monkey and me sounds like a movie that would start like Luke Wilson. Oh, Demi Lovato. I'm a monkey.

Luke fucking body swaps with a monkey. Wow, I'm a monkey. Where's the monkey? I would put Nick Cage in it, but he probably can't afford him. I would love that. Nick Cage is a monkey, would be amazing. Yeah, but that wouldn't be like the monkey and me. That would be like a different type of movie, you know.

Honestly? That would be like the monkey files. Like they were just doing, it's like scientific experiments, and then he just got caught up. You got to stop monking around. We've got to. faces to swap. That's like something somebody

in L.A. would think of. Like, I got to write a whole movie about this so I can say that one line in the movie. You really did start like a whole movie thing here. You must understand. That's why we need to appreciate monkeys for being as awesome as they are. Because we're basically there. We're like this close.

More ape. We don't have cool tails, but we got the bits back there. So I'm saying like... We have tail bones. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. And so, like, we could. We just got to appreciate the monkeys.

It means you got to appreciate the monkeys. For those listening at home or didn't hear that, the crowd is having, I think, like sort of an existential crisis about being part monkey? Don't worry, you're not. You're part ape. Yeah, you're not nearly as cool. That's monkey.

Monkeys are fun and cool and enjoyable. Apes? Kind of assholes. It's true. Yeah. Oh, unless you're like an Orion tank, in which case, you're awesome. I heard they're very violent. So they fit right into America.

All right. Well, that is it for us. Thanks so much, everybody. Thanks for hanging out with us. Take five minutes, ten minutes. Whatever makes you happy, we'll be back with a little bit of more of Tulumi. Thank you.