Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 506 - Big Balls

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

The boys are back and this time Crendor brings a fact of the day so crazy it can only be topped by the WILD news story. Oh, and it's Mother's Day. So that makes this all incredibly awkward. Although Jesse seems to be taking this in stride. Invincible VS is out now on PlayStation, Xbox, and PC. Go to http://buyraycon.com/coxOPEN to get 15% off. Come see us live! https://lh-st.com/shows/08-22-2026-chilluminati-cox-n-crendor-live/

Cox and Crendoor Live and Jolumani are this August 22nd in Chicago, Illinois. We'd love to have you there. Tickets are on sale right now. Click the link in the description below. If you're watching on YouTube, it'll be there. Or show notes if you're watching on a podcast thing or listening or whatever. It'll be there just like we hope you will be in Chicago, August 22nd. Today's episode's brought to by Raycon. Raycon has got those amazing open earbuds for you.

Also today, we're brought to you by Invincible Versi. is out now on PlayStation Xbox and PC. Let's jump to this podcast. Hello, everybody. It's time for goes on Trenton. This is trend on in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live.

In four hour and four in the studio. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's up. Hello, everybody looks at me. I'm going to be Cox and Crendor in the morning. Dude, I'm feeling pretty good. Whoa, yeah, you are.

What was that? Sorry, I didn't even say, hey, I honestly, I opened it in like a modern YouTube video. You really did. You doing more YouTube now is really paying off because you got sort of like the cadence. You got sort of like the vibe of what YouTube is in 2026. Drew. Nobody wants to sit there and hear you say, hello, everybody. They don't care.

They don't care. They don't got time for that. Right, you got to start. The video has to start immediately. Like if they miss the first couple words, even better. Oh, yeah. You got to be like, how long would I survive in a wow zone? But then you cut it off and it go, survive in a wild zone.

Yeah, exactly. And then they're like, ooh, no, this is the video for me. This guy's really getting into it. Dude, I speak at O. We were just talking about this off, off, I almost said off stream. Off podcast recording. Off, off pod. Yeah, a little off pod.

technically it is off stream. We weren't streaming. That's true. But like, I've been playing around with more YouTube stuff because I've gotten way more into YouTube lately. And I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna start, I'm gonna add the arrow in. You know how the people use the arrow? I did, yes, I did see a video of yours with the arrow and I did laugh, yes. Because I've always been like, the arrow's like so dumb, it's a meme. And then I was like, okay, you know what? I've been playing around with like the YouTube metrics.

And I'm like, I'm gonna put the arrow in and see the different. Dude, I swear to God, the arrow one got like 18% more watch time and like had like a 2% higher click through rate. And I was like, you know what? Arrow works. There's a reason people do it. Even though we mock it and it is insanely stupid. There's a reason why Mr. Beast and all those people are successful because they have gained it to the point where it's, you know, mock worthy, but is real. people click those

but I only want to use it if it like makes sense like if I'm doing a wow geo guesser and it's like oh where am I it like points to a little area on the map oh no dude you gotta use it all the time you gotta be like top 10 rocks and then just have an arrow pointing to a random location on an open

field yeah no people will be like oh my god what rock is that and let's click that video dude when I was live stream and I did my little Twitch Prime promo I always do my little like recording

that loops and it's like here's how to use your Twitch Prime. But then I was like, all right, let me put the arrow in. So then I put the arrow in. And then I put the arrow on top of the video. But that arrow didn't even have the like background removed. It's the transparent like checkerboard thing behind it. But that really added to it, I think. I think it does. Yeah, it really sells the idea of it being very important. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, if you go look at my YouTube channel, you'll see the power of modern YouTube Crendor. I've adapted. You know, I'm listening. I'm not going the way of the Blockbuster video.

You got to use the arrow. That's the time we're in. And right now, there's a lot of those little tips and tricks that, again, we can sit here and poo-poo, and Lord knows I will, but I will also try my hardest to use them. I'm no fool. Yeah. But I have a story that's fun that's completely unrelated. Great.

Please elaborate. So it's getting warmer out, right? people are grilling more and stuff, you know? I've heard this. Yeah, I heard that the thing that happens. I have heard this. And so we've had our grill for like five or six years and it's getting like kind of rusted. And like it's a little old.

And like when you like hook in the little like canister propane or whatever, it kind of like is hard to get in. And then it almost feels like it's leaking a tiny bit. And I'm like, I don't know if I like that. So I'm like, all right, let's just get a new grill. So I was like, okay. And I was looking for the same. grill because I really like it. So I'm like, okay, well, look around and I saw Home Depot had a deal where it was like $20 off or something. I was like, okay, cool. I'm gonna order it through Home Depot. And they're like, instead of going to Home Depot, you order it online is what you're saying. Well, they were like, we can ship it to the store as well. Like they didn't have it in store. But like there was other places that had it. Like Lowe's had it. Amazon had it, right? And I was like, you know, I'm gonna take this one. It's 20 bucks off. That seems like a good deal. So I did that. And I'm waiting.

And then it's like your order ship. And I'm like, okay, cool. And it's like, your orders arriving. And I'm like, okay, cool. And it got here. And there was a really big, really big box. And I was like, all right, you know, they put it in a really big box. As grills tend to be.

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, you know, maybe they just put the really big, or like a grill box in a box. Like some, like Amazon will do that shit sometimes. They'll put a box in a bigger box. You're like, I don't know why they did this, but whatever. So we opened. We opened the box and I

there is no way you would be able to guess what was inside of it. Just take a random guess. It's nothing you would expect. Let me add that in. I'm going to say not a grill. You would be correct.

You would be correct. Okay. All right. That's the best I can do. Just to give me a random Home Depot thing. 17 gallons of pink paint. That's,

you know, that's a good guess but that was not it. Ah, damn. It was irrigation emitter tubing. What do you mean? That's right. They gave me

a like a roll. It was like a big circle of just irrigation emitter tubing. And I was like, I don't think that's a grill. But cat liked the box. He jumped into it. That's pretty good. We still have the box. It's like a big house cave for him. So he's enjoying it for now.

So I went on to Home Depot.com, of course, and I said, Hey, I ordered a grill and got emitter tubing. And then the chat bot was like, oh, gee, well, because like, they have live chat, but it's, it's an AI. Like, you're just, you're talking about it. I would love, for some reason, a robot going, oh, geez. Oh, geez. That's Crenbot.

If you get Crenbott, it'll say, Oh, boy, we really screwed up on this one. It's okay, robot. You didn't do anything. So it was like, you know, I'll set up a return. And I was like, I mean, do I just return the emitter tubing? Or like, what do I do? And it was like, no, yeah, just return the emitter tubing.

And I was like, okay. So I was like, I'm just going to take this to Home Depot and tell them what, So I did, and I was like, hey, I ordered a grill and I got emitter tubing, like, and it said to just return it, and I'll get my money back or whatever. And then the lady was like, oh, yeah, let me see the order number and the thing and just looked at it. And she scanned it. And she's like, all right, yeah, the money will be back in your card. That was it. And I was like, all right.

Turns out, this is like not even a rare occurrence. I went online and typed in Home Depot. I didn't get the item I ordered. and it's like a lot of people. There was one guy, he's like, I ordered PVC pipe, and they gave me 50 light switch covers. I was like, holy shit. I don't understand how that's possible.

I don't know. Well, okay, then I brought it up on stream, and somebody in my chat was like, I've actually worked with, like, the Home Depot warehouse that they use, and I guess it's like not actually home. It's like some other, like, middleman warehouse. And he's like, that shit's a disaster. like there's like tickets all over they're like throwing tickets around like there's too much

and so i guess it's just really terrible like they just organize it terribly or something so i'm uh never ordering from home depot again yeah i feel like the lesson there is if you do order from them uh order it to a store so they can deal with it yeah exactly or just go to the store. Like at this point, if I'm going to get something at Home Depot, I'll just go to the store and look for it. That's, that's of all the things. Yeah, of all the things. Just

like emitter tube. It's like ordering a shirt and getting a wrench. Like, I was just like, what? I didn't even know what emitter tubing was. It's like irrigating your lawn or plants or something. So, I mean, if I wanted, I guess I could irrigate my plants.

I mean, that's a thing you could have done, yeah. Yeah. That's pretty neat. But yeah, I returned it. And then I bought it on Amazon. So it'll most likely show up as a grill this time. Most likely. They had their chance.

I was like, I'm going to try using not Amazon. And then I was like, well, screw it. I'm going to use Amazon. Dude, that's, I mean, that's why I don't use any of those food apps anymore, like DoorDash or whatever. Oh, yeah. Only because every time I, after a certain point, I'm going to say during COVID, very helpful, good stuff. But after that, something happened where anytime I'd order anything,

I'd get the wrong thing. Didn't matter what restaurant. I don't know if they set me up for failure. Consistently, after a while, I was like, yeah, never again. I'm not doing this. Just terrible. They've gotten worse. And I wonder if it's because it's like so many more people are using them

and they're just like, it's too much for them to handle and they're trying to handle a bunch all at once. Like maybe that's it? I don't know. It sucks because I know Amazon gets a lot. lot right. They still, you know, probably have their failures every once a while. But for the most part, they get stuff right. But I know that's because they're like brutal totalitarians. Yeah. At those places. And they're like, if you don't get it right, we'll fire you and your children.

Like, whoa. You lose your bathroom privileges for the day. Yeah. They're like, you got to get it done now. So I, I do appreciate that whenever I have to order something from Amazon, it gets here and it's fine. But also, I know that Amazon is like, if you don't do it, right. right, your whole family goes missing. Like, whoa. Yeah. That's, and honestly, like, a lot of times now when I can, I'll try to not take fast shipping. Because I'm always like, I feel like that makes it worse for them.

They're like, this is a fast order. Do this shit now. Right? So they're like, you can delay the shipping for like a day or two. And I'm like, sure. Like, well, I'd probably get it and be like, I got it. And then just like put it on a table and not use it for two days anyway. If I'm going to get something.

You know what sucks about that is you know that rather than the order comes in and they go, hey, you have a while to get this one. It comes in right at the end of the day because they waited all day and then they're like, you got five minutes to find this. But I should have this three days ago. Well, you got it now. You better go get it. You know that's what happens.

Oh yeah. It definitely is. Oh yeah, plus, with Amazon they're like, hey, we're gonna, if you want your grill, we'll ship it to you on like Tuesday or something. It'll be like four days after you've ordered, but we'll give you like 6% back or something. I was like,

Dude, hell yeah. I'll take 6% bank. You might as well. Yeah. It's one of those things where sometimes I'll order, like, bigger stuff online simply because I don't have the car to get it to me. You know what I mean? And I'd rather just order online, then go to a place, pay for the thing,

then pay for some guy to drive it out. Like, no, just send it to me. Yeah. It's, it's, honestly, I think the thing would, DoorDash too is like so many people have the capability to go get it now but they're just like lazy you just don't want to do it. In this city I said this before like it is I will see people in this office building order food from DoorDash and it will sit outside their door and it's breakfast food from a breakfast

place that I recognize and it'll be like noon one two. I'm like it's been there for five hours. It's hot outside. That's what I'm saying like I look maybe I'm just fat and when I. order a thing, I want to eat it immediately. But I don't understand ordering an already overpriced thing being charged a bunch of extra fees and then just letting it sit there.

That is crazy. Like what in your life is so important that you were like, look, I needed this, but not that fast, but also very fast. I couldn't. The hypochondry in me would be like, this is food poisoning weight and that happened. That's what I'm like.

And it's always the same for units here. It's the same four every time. And what's crazy is one of them is like a pet company. And I'm like, hold up. Like, what? You are, what do you mean? You're here. I know you're here.

I can hear you in there. Did you just like get caught up and making pet food that you can't? I have no clue, dude. And it blows my mind. I have an equal insane story when it comes to home improvement, I guess is the right word here. Oh boy. All right. So, two nights ago, I am.

And it was pretty late And I went to go brush my teeth I'm going to bed, right? And I'm sitting there, I'm very tired, I'm brushing my teeth, you know, turn on the water, run the toothbrush under the sink, and the water in the sink starts to fill.

I'm like, what the hell? What is this? Turn off the water. It isn't going down. It's not going down the drain. I'm like, uh-huh. So, because I'm one of those guys who just has the stuff necessary,

I have one of those like like sink things, the snakes you can stick down the pipes. So I was like well maybe there's something in there. Now what? My dude I couldn't tell you. I don't have enough hair to get to get that

clogged. There's nothing I put down the sink in my bathroom. I just, I know, I was like, well, all right. And I put the thing that nothing. Not a damn thing. Water's still not going down. Like, what the hell? So I start like You know, I open up the underneath it.

There's the cabinet underneath the sink. Open it up. And I see drips of water. I'm like, what? So I move everything out from under the sink, which is already a little wet. And then it starts, you know, dripping. I'm like, oh, no. So I think, well, maybe like a plunger or something.

Why I thought this, I don't know. So I got a plunger and started plunging it, right? Thinking maybe there's something in there. Well, all this did was not draining. but instead water starts squirting out of the pipes underneath the sink. And I'm like, oh my God, water's going everywhere. So I get towels and I'm trying to like contain the situation. I had to get cups and start scooping the water out of the sink basin.

Because I guess instead of draining down the pipe, it was draining out the sides of the pipe, which meant something was in there, dude, like completely blocking it. I don't know what the hell was going on. So I managed to get it dry. I leave the towels under there. get new towels, put them under there, leave it just in case something happens. Put in a thing with the apartment complex. I'm like, hey, my sink is messed up.

I don't know what's going on with this. So, guy, yesterday, guy comes, and he's like, yeah, we take a look. So he brings, you know, all the different tools. He walks in. I don't know, like, 10 minutes later, he comes out and he's like, I'm going to need a different tool. I'm like, is it that bad? He's like, dude, I don't know what's going on with that. What?

What? So he leaves. He comes back with machines. Like machines, like things you have to plug in that are giant, look like vacuums. But like stuff you'd see in like a wood shop level machinery. And he's wheeling them into my apartment. He's got three of them. Plus all of his gear outside my apartment in the hallway. And he's like, all right, you're going to hear some noise. I'm going to try and figure this out. I'm like, oh my God, okay. So he starts. It's like, it's like loud. It's like, he's in there. And I'm just sitting there patiently on the couch, dicking around on my PlayStation feeling totally useless. Like, uh, should I do something while he's here? I don't want to seem like, you know, that guy who's like,

you fix it, mister. I, I had no idea what to do. So I just sat there like, oh, okay. He eventually comes out with a garbage bag full of something. Dude, I don't know what. Something.

And he's like, I'm going to be working on this for a while. like, what do you mean? He's like, there's something down there. I don't know what's in there. But this is a clog that goes all the way down to the first floor. Apparently, whatever was in there was backed up all the way down. I'm on the fifth floor.

It was all the way down to the first. What the hell? That's crazy. Dude, I have no idea what was going on. And he's like, yeah, I'm going to need a different machine. I was like another one. So he leaves with the garbage bag of something. Dude, I don't know what was in that garbage bag.

Something. Like, it looked lumpy, which, and it was filled. So I don't know what the hell was in there, man. But when he left, I got up and looked in the sink. The sink was like, I don't know if he put a chemical in there. Or that was what was in the pipes. But in the sink, you know in like a horror game when you go into an old abandoned house and there's water in a tub or something and it's like pitch black and bloody looking?

that's what it was like black sludge what that is I don't know I was like oh my god what is that Michael a monster in there genuinely this guy fought a battle I don't know what the hell was going on but again it could have been he could have put something in there

and that was like you know some sort of drain oh solution I don't know but I've never seen anything look like black sludge I was like what the hell so I went and Zach back down I was like, well, I can't do anything about this. The man comes back 20 minutes later with an entirely different bigger machine. He walks in. He's like, all right, I'm going to have to.

Apparently, he has a guy in the walkie-talkie. He's talking to a guy on the first floor near some sort of drainage thing. And he's like, all right, I'm going to start pumping it down towards you. And the guy down on the first floor, he can hear him. And he's like, okay, let me know because this thing's going to gush. I'm like, what is happening right now? Last week's episode Bathroom gushers

It really is He's like this gets good at gush man And so I hear this machine I've never heard a machine sound like this It sounded like Bue Bueu

And I don't know what he was doing But I guess he was pumping The goop Down all the pipes And he explained it to me Basically like If he didn't do this

My pipes would be clean But the person on the fourth floor Would be messed up Oh yeah. So he's like, I'm going to try and drain everything. So he does all this. Maybe 30 minutes goes by. At this point, I've already done three achievements in Dynasty Warriors' origins.

That's how long. I'm trying to achieve it grind. I was just like, I'll do this. So it took that long. I've already done three achievements. And I'm like, oh, my God, what is going on in there? So finally he comes out and he's got two more bags. Fill to something.

I don't know what. And he's like, all right. I cleaned up in there, everything's good. I also replaced all of your under the sink pipes. Oh. And I was like, oh, thanks, dude. I went in there completely spotless. Like the man, it was like he wasn't even there.

Underneath completely new pipes. And when I turned on the water, when I tell you whatever was the problem, must have been a problem for a long time. When my sink in the bathroom, when water came out, It came out. You know, like, it was fine.

All right. But now when I turn on the water, it shoots out like a power hose. Like, I actually have water pressure now. And I never did before. So I've been there, what, a year and a half now? That is, it's always been the other way. And now I feel like something was wrong the entire time. And it just finally resolved itself.

Well, it's, uh, I just looked into it to see. And it said things like hair, makeup. excess toothpaste, soap, pretty much any of that type of stuff, I'll just like clogs in drains. And so I guess if you have numerous people doing that as well, it probably gets a whole bunch of it.

Yeah, I mean, I imagine the reason why it didn't hit me till now might be because it was on a floor below me or something. I genuinely don't know. I have no answers for you. I don't know. Again, toothpaste, sure. Soap, yeah. I have a small

beard. Like, it isn't long. So I don't have long hairs. And most of the time what I do, because I'm afraid that I'll clog the sink, because I learned years ago, is once my hair's in the sink, I'll use like a tissue to gather the hair and then I'll just throw it out. So I don't put it down the sink.

So, like, I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm not like hairballs or what. I genuinely did not understand if I'd done it or someone else did. But this man went up there and, like, I'm maybe an hour saved all of it. A genuine, like, a genuine

hero. That man, I don't know what he fought. I don't know what happened in there. He walked out with three total garbage bags and stuff. I'm going to assume one was the pipes because he had to put them somewhere, the old pipes. But like everything else, I don't know what he pulled out of there. I don't know if like an Eldridge horror was in there and he was like battling it. Like I don't know what was in there. But it was incredible. I couldn't believe that he did all that in as quick of a time as he did. He like literally redid the plumbing. That is crazy. I was like, that's a handyman. Yeah.

I mean, he had like four super machines. I'd hope he'd be able to. He really did. He really did have force. Again, they weren't, you know, like when you see those little handheld things, I'm talking he had to wheel them in. Yeah, that's how you know. He knows what he's doing. This is a plumber.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, damn, they called the guy to come in. I was like, all right. he's just imagine he's just like you put anything down here you're like I don't know like toothpaste

I usually put a gallon of black sludge down there a week but I haven't done that the black sludge got to go somewhere I got to put my black sludge somewhere yeah I'm not gonna I tried putting it on the garbage disposal

but it fights back so you know and he's just like oh well that's that's obvious I mean the toothpaste is doing it yeah yeah without it died Did you go anywhere for Mother's Day with your parents?

I did. We went out to a Mexican restaurant near my apartment and had a lovely meal. It was very funny because we went out at noon, right? And when I say everything we wanted to eat was sold out, it's no exaggeration. Like every time, dude, for dessert, my mom loves their chair. churros and so we were going to get the churos. And the guy was like, oh, we're sold out of churos. How are you sold out of churos at

noon? On a Mexican restaurant. How is that possible? It was crowded. It was packed. But still, you're a Mexican. Just make more. That seems like the one thing you'd be able to make a lot of. That's what I'm saying. It made no sense. I almost feel like they were just get out.

Like, we have to turn over tables. You got to... They might have been, yeah. Because that guy, I will say the waiter, we had three separate waiters and neither of the main two that we had seemed to understand what the hell was going on. They seemed to be so stretched thin that they probably were like,

oh, okay, sure. Like at one point, my mom said, can we get dessert? The guy brought the check. And my mom was like, oh, I wanted to get dessert. He's like, oh, okay, took the check back, brought us the dessert menu. My mom said, oh, can we get the churros?

And the guy's like, oh, we're out of churros. And I'm like, all right, I guess we just get the check. And he's like, oh, okay. So then he had to go back, get the check he had before. or bring it back. Like, just goofy. I was like, all right, whatever. But it was good.

The stuff we did eat was good, but it was packed. It was crazy. And, yeah, just hung out with the parents. And then they're moving into a new apartment, you know, trying to get that one bedroom life, or not one bedroom, one floor, you know, without the stairs. And so they, you know, we went and looked at the space and, you know, how far it was to the pool, that kind of stuff.

So, you know, Mother's Day things where it's like, yeah, whatever you want to do, mom, let's go. That's fun. And you didn't have any Easter bunny crazy family. No crazy people, none. Yeah. Which is honestly impressive in Los Angeles. Yes. It's not as fancy fru-frew as the place we went to for Easter.

Ah, I see. You know what I mean? There's like a level of. There's normal people. Yes. Yes, exactly. Normal people were there. Yes, correct.

Yeah. It makes sense. Yeah. What did you do? Did you do anything crazy? We also went out to a place, and it was just like a standard, like, pub type of thing. So I got like a beard flight thing where you taste all the beers. That was fun.

They just put like five little beard things on a paddle. They're just like, try the different beers from our breweries. I like those are great. Yeah, that was fun. Tried that. And then my dad was like, I'm going to get short ribs. I was like, all right. And then he got him, and he's like, I don't know what these, these,

these mushrooms. I'm like, I think they're like a fancy type of mushroom. He's like, I don't like this. I like broccoli. I was like, all right. And then my mom got her, I think she got like fish tacos or something. She liked it. So, you know. And then me and

Toaster Woman got the turkey club. Same, which is also because like we wake up at like noon. And they're always like, let's eat lunch or dinner at like 2.30. And I'm like, dude, 2.30 is. like my breakfast.

So like I'm just like at least the turkey club is like a light thing. Yeah. I know a lot of people who are like that that aren't like big breakfast people. They'll have a really small thing. And then wait till later to eat something bigger. So it's always fun because they're also the people much like you who wake up later in the day. So it's lunchtime or getting close to dinner. And I'm like, dude, I'm starving.

And they're like, I guess I could eat. And I'm like, what is? And then it's nine. and they're like, oh, so hungry. I'm like, I'm ready for bed. What are you talking about? That's just different, different lives. Yeah, yeah.

It's, uh, because usually, uh, we ate brunch this week, but we usually get brunch at like 1 p.m. So like, but we do eat big brunch. Like we get our like breakfast. I think she gets breakfast pinini. I get a like ham and eggs and then coffee and they give me like the pancakes on the side. By the end of that, I'm like, I'm good for. for hours. Sure.

I'm like, oh yeah. Then we'll, a lot of times when we get brunch, we'll get sushi for dinner because it's kind of just light. And it's still good. Oh, dude, I forgot today when we went to go get Mexican.

My dad got street tacos. And he ate them, love them. But he was like, you know what the best part of this meal is? The rice and beans. I love the rice and beans. I was like,

you have always been a rice and beans guy, dad. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I don't even need the tacos as long as I have rice and beans. But then he ate all the tacos Except for there's one taco left This is so my dad in every level So I got Because I knew they were going to give us like chips

And the salsa there's really good So I'm not gonna lie I devoured those But I only got two tacos I didn't get any sides or I just got two tacos They were the Viper tacos Which are like the extra extra extra Deadly hot ones which are my favorite

So I ate those And my dad had his three You know like can'tina tacos And he ate two And then he had one left. He's like, did anyone want this taco? I don't want it anymore.

I was like, sure, man, I'll eat it. He looked at me. And in the history of our relationship, he will never let me eat his food, not once. Rather than give it to me, he was like, yeah, no, I'm just, and he started eating it. I'm like, what do you do it? And he's like, well, you know,

I'm not going to let it sit and go to waste. I was like, I said I'd eat it. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I heard you. I'm like, what? So then he ate it. And then as we're walking around later, he's like, oh, that's more onions than I've had in a while.

I was like, well, you did get three street tacos. That's mostly like onion on that thing, dude. And he's like, yeah, I know. That was a lot of onions. Like, well, you shouldn't have eaten the third one, man. Could have me have it. That's the problem. Sometimes you just, you think you got it in you.

And then you don't. Yeah. He ate too many, it's too much onion. Got him. Too many onions. Too many onions. By the way, and I was going to mention with the, bathroom gushers.

Oh boy, yes. We had a comment when I was opening our last thing for all this stuff and it said, I was listening while driving and paused when I picked up a friend from work.

About three minutes into the drive, he pointed to my dashboard and asked why I was listening to bathroom gushers. Thanks, you know, when I wrote that title, I kind of knew

that's what I was going for and I'm so glad it got someone. I'm so thrilled. because I felt like, yes, this is clickbait and I'm here for it. And yes, great, great. Also, right below that, fun fact, Jesse says I must stress eight times in this podcast, which I actually think is pretty low. That is pretty low.

That's like one I must stress per 10 minutes. Like normally I think you're like a seven to eight minute. Yeah, yeah, I usually have a seven or eight minute. I must stress smile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So those are, those are, those are, ones I read there, they're fun.

Dude, speaking of clickbait, Dodger got God this weekend was so funny. She has that next door neighbor app or whatever that thing is. Oh, yeah. And she got a post that said, resist! And I couldn't figure out what it was. And she was like, oh, I'm so worried. It's going to be either something really racist or something like,

they're making me cut my hedges. And I was like, oh, it has to be that. It has to be. They're making me get vaccine. Yeah. I was like, it's going to be something really stupid. It was beyond her expectation. She opened it, and it was an ad for someone's resistance band training course.

I was like, that's good clickbait. That's supreme clickbait. That is really good, actually. Yeah, I was like, that's pretty amazing. Yeah. Listen, I'm all about resistance bans. I have one in front of me right now for my posterior tibial tendons. I think you're just making up muscles now.

It's not. You have the posterior tibial tendons, which is one of the tendons. that goes over your arch. So that's, uh, listen, I've, again, this, this past year has been the Crendor leg journey. I've learned all about tendons and my, your arch and your feet, your plantar fasciitis, or your plantar fascia, I guess is what it actually is then, but it's the inflammation of that. So yeah, listen, it's, it's, it's there. It's real. It's real. It happened. I have it. I have it. Yeah. I might have signed up for that resist

program. Yeah, it could have got you. Could have got me. You could have gone to hang out with all the country wives, I guess, or whoever the hell lives out in the middle of nowhere with Dodger. That's true. I don't really know who they're, like, they're getting neighbor app

updates, but you would think at this point they would know all their neighbors because they live out on the farm. I would imagine that they have neighbors they know, but I don't know that they know them that well. You know what I mean? They probably know, like, that's Frank and Nancy. What do you know about them? They're Frank and Nancy.

You know, you know, Yeah, that's true. Like, I know some of my neighbors, but it's very like, it is very much like, I know their name and kind of what they do. And that's really about it. Yeah, I mean, I know my neighbors. There's a girl with dog too big for her. There's a guy who looks like he's 75 and has a 23-year-old wife who the wife literally, I think, hates me. And I don't know why.

She will not look at me. And every time I see her, she, like, walks the other way. The guy, though, is great because he's always like, yo, do you like bagels? I know great bagel place every time I see him He always has recommendations for bagels Maybe she's just like You never tell me a great bagel place

And then she's jealous I only see her in workout gear And I only see her when I'm headed to work And when I do She looks at me And then walks the other way I don't know what I don't know why

Or when she walks by me She like turns her head up Like she's too good for me Dude I don't understand this woman But her husband seems lovely And then there's the couple that moved in next to me who I watched them

pick up food delivery and that's it I do not know them other than I only see them getting food delivery and then there's the guy at the end of the hall who sits outside and clips his nails outside that's my floor in my apartment complex Is that like the only thing he does

outside is clip his nails? I only ever see him outside we do the whole like head nod thing and then he sit out there with his clipper and clips his nails out in the hallway and I'm like okay cool man. How often is he doing it? Oh, once a week maybe. All right, that's about, that's about right, I guess.

I got a crowd. Let me tell you. Oh, oh, and because there's an elevator in the hall, I'm only really on the one side where my apartment is, but on the other side, there's an old lady who, when a grandkids are over, she lets them ride bikes in the hallway. So that's a thing, too. Ah, very cool.

Yep, yep. So that's, yeah, those are the people I know. Those are my neighbors. Now, do I know their names? No. I don't know their names, but I know that's old guy and his young wife, and I know that's Clippers guy. And I know that's a girl who's like maybe four foot three and has a giant dog that barks every time I walk by her apartment. And it jumps scares me every time.

Yeah. It's like her body guard or something, right? Oh, yes. Goblin and wow with that giant ogre bodyguard. That dog, the dog is, it should not be an apartment. It's one of those dogs that, like, I don't know how. I imagine on the other side of the dog. door, it's all scratched up because that dog attacks the dog. Sometimes I walk by and the dog will

slam into the door and start barking. Jesus. I'm like, okay, cool, cool. That's the, there's a lot of people that it'll just like not put their dog on a leash or they're just like, no, it's fine. I'm like, I mean, shouldn't you like put your dog on a leash just like it could run into traffic. It could go chase another dog. It could chase a person and bite them. It could like, do a lot of things. Like, even the laws themselves like put your dog on a leash. Yeah, people are like, nah, he's fine. He listened. That's like the no turn signal people.

Oh, yeah, it is. It's not for you, dumb, dumb, it's for everyone else. And even just, it's even just for your dog. Like, for your dog safety as well. That's what I'm saying, like, for your dog, yeah, like it's, you know, there's, it's, it's not about you. Turn signals are like leashes. It's not about you. It's about everything else.

These are the same people who do that shit with their kids, too, where they're just like, He's fine. He's like punching people. He's like doing shit like that. The other night I went out to this like salad place because I was really craving a salad. And so I went there and there was, I'm going to say a like an outing of parents and kids. Except it was three of the tiredest looking parents have ever seen. And six, seven, eight kids.

Hard to tell because they were running around the place. And these parents kept trying to grab them and pull them. back to their table and they simply could not. Yeah, that's, that sounds awful. That's too many. Sat there eating my salad like, well, at least I get a show. Like, they put, this one little girl kept running, because they were sitting outside. So she kept running into the restaurant and one of the parents had to get up and chase her down.

And while she did that, another kid would sprint. Like they were planning escaping together. It was like you and I playing the back room. I was trying to escape. It was like that fun level, though. Yeah. Crazy demon things. things with balloons.

It was so goofy. I couldn't believe. I was like, all right, sure. I saw some kids trying to run away from their parent the other day.

They were like in a barbershop. And like the kids just run out like, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, Dolbri, Dubren,

Dupro. He's like yelling in some like Eastern European language. I don't know which country. But then they like, he like chased them down and grabbed them. And he's like, and they were just like, oh.

Yeah. And then they walk back to the barbershop. That sounds like, all right. So yeah, that was my week. But you know what else is a week? A week? Not you when you play the bloodiest fighting game in the universe. It's time to put your quarters in this machine.

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Oh, my God. Traffic is going. It's going. And the gas prices are climbing still. And, you know, we got so many cars out here, so many boats, trains. We haven't had a train update in a while. It's like the trains are running on the tracks. Or, you know, what does a train do on a track?

Does it just go on a track? Does it just move on a track? It rides it, man. It does ride. I guess it, yeah, but you can ride the train that rides the track then. It rides the rails, Daddy-o. Yeah, I like that, riding the rails. A lot of trains riding the rails today.

so that's pretty neat. Thank you. Oh, what about grinding the rails? That seems pretty cool. Grinding the rails seems a little too intense. Yeah, but I feel like we need to make trains seem cooler, you know? Bring it back. I think trains are pretty cool.

Yeah, but most people don't. I don't know. We need to bring it back. We need people to be as excited about trains as that one dude on the internet who's like, I love trains. Grinding the rails feels like it's out of Mad Max or something. Yeah, hell yeah. Trains need to shoot fire and stuff is what they need.

That's true. When they come through town, they make like a hellish scream, like, y'a, yeah, and they shoot fire. That would be cool. People would be like, yo, I want to ride that thing. They actually probably would be a lot of people wanting to ride the fire train. That's what I'm saying. And that's the traffic.

All right, let's go to weather. Weather time. I request the weather for drum heller. Alberta, do you like dinosaurs? First off, yes. Second off, Alberta, Canada, all dinosaurs all the time. I believe that's like one of the big dinosaur hubs. Oh, is it? I didn't know that. Yeah. I don't know why. I'm sure there's a reason for it. Like, I don't know.

Maybe it's like an inland sea at one. Who knows? Or like a giant lake or something. It's probably something. But yeah, there's dinosaurs everywhere. I think they have like a literal dinosaur park somewhere there. I am. All right. I didn't know that. Well, it is currently 74 degrees Fahrenheit. Feels like 74 degrees Fahrenheit as well. It is 40, or wait, 2 mile an hour winds, 19% humidity, zero on the UV index, 48 on the air quality, 28 on the dew point,

29.62 inches of pressure, 10 miles of visibility, sunrise, 546 a.m. sunset 909 p.m. and the moon phase is a waning crescent. 10-date. We got Monday 68 a.m. clouds, PM sun. Tuesday, 77, mostly sunny. Wednesday, 79, mostly cloudy. Thursday, 65, mostly cloudy. Friday, 64, parley cloudy.

Saturday, 51 with showers. Sunday, 55, mostly cloudy. Monday, 67. Parly cloudy. And then a lot of 60s with partly cloudy. This place is so. very dinosaur central. More importantly, it has a park that is just straight up like, it's a big dinosaur.

And it's a tourist attraction. You know how there's that place in California on the way to Vegas that it's kind of like a bunch of dinosaurs. Think Pee-Werman went there once in one of the movies. They have that version, but it's just a massive T-Rex, and it's so funny looking. I love this. Oh, yeah, I think I see it. they got one dinosaur going to the beach they got a like i don't know bronosaurus or something that

is eating ice cream i think that's what that is or maybe it's flowers and he's waiting for someone to sit next to him that's very cute see they that's that's very fun but yes uh according to the map um southeast is a does literally like dinosaur provincial park i'm looking at their rest of You would think there'd be more dinosaur themed restaurants. Chopped leaf, Boston pizza? Boston pizza. Oh. I'm saying Bernie and the boys, outside they have a T-Rex skeleton.

Sure, it's a burger place, but like T-Rex skeleton outside. That's true. But I figured there'd be like a, like, dino, the restaurant. I don't know. I got nothing. Like something dino theme. like triceratops burgers

like that type of thing hold on now hold on now they have the tyrannosaurus rest the tyrannosaurus rest bed and breakfast okay that's pretty good they also have a another oh where to go they have another hotel that is very clearly dinosaur themed

so the hotels are doing it uh where's that is that in the southeast no no no in town itself literally on second street west is the tyrannosaurus rest, bed and breakfast. Oh, okay.

And then south of town on Highway 9 is the Kenalta Jurassic drum heller, which looks like it's a Jurassic Park themed two-star hotel and conference center.

Whoa! Okay, I did find dino mite fudge, like dino dash mite. All right, we're getting there. We're getting there. There's a bunch of land before time little clip art dinosaurs on the window and they make a bunch of Dino themed stuff like they got ice age fudge. Yeah, that's pretty good.

They got to do the ice age fudge. The ice age indulgence has like coconut on it. So it's like snow. That's pretty fun. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. Yeah, I like that. They got a T-Rex and it says fly in for fudge at Drummeller Airport.

That's pretty good. But all these, honestly, you know what this reminds me of everything in this town, all the food I'm looking at? Whenever Guy Fiatty went to a diner's drive-ins-and-dive small town place, and they'd be like, yeah, you come here, you get yourself the biggest steak you ever seen, but it's served in what looks like a cafeteria. Yeah. That's the vibe. And all the food is, it's like, here's your giant piece of steak. Here's your two perfect scoops of mashed potatoes with gravy, and then insert side vegetable. Oh yeah, I see it.

That's pretty much the vibe here. The frozen bag of mixed vegetables. Yeah, yeah. Like a garlic bread. That's, I mean, small towns. I get it. Although I'm pretty sold on Bernie and the Boys by name alone. That's true.

Bernie and the Boys. It looks like a really small shack, but the burgers look good. Admittedly, it seems like there's four tables inside. Yeah. Oh, Bernie and the Boys has a giant mass. one of those like novelty burgers. Oh yeah. Oh, look at that. Oh, that's fun.

That's great. Oh, yeah, that's the place. The T-Rex is outside. Yeah. I see the guys like eating his giant burger like, oh. They have, what? They have Rainbow Sherbert Pop? From the town. Hold on. Rainbow Sherbert. The drum soda works. They have a soda works in town?

What the heck? Stop. And they have multiple flavors. Although I don't know what these. They have a blue raspberry, which is a blue raspberry like Velociraptor looking thing. No, a T-Rex. They have a Rainbow Sherbert that's a Bronosaurus guy or maybe brachiosaur. Oh yeah, they have six flavors.

They have a root beer, but they're all dinosaur themed. Stop. Oh, that's fun. that is pretty fun. They have an orange soda that looks like this woman's being attacked by, oh yeah, it's literally in Calgary, Drumheller, and Banff. BAMBiv. Oh, that's lovely.

Oh, that's fun. I clicked on shopping and it said page not found, so that sums that. Well, and that's the weather. All right. Let's go to sports. Sports. We've got sports, sports, sports, sports. Currently in sports, we had the New York Knicks beat the Philadelphia 76ers and sweep the series 4-0.

And then in the other playoff matches, we have the Pistons Cavaliers, Detroit's up 2-1 on the Cavaliers. And then the Thunder Lakers, the Thunder are up 3-0 on the Lakers. And the Spurs are up 2-1 on the Timberwolves, and they are currently up by 6. as of the recording of this podcast. So most likely it's probably Spurs against Thunder and then probably Pistons against the Knicks, but we'll see. Then in hockey,

we've got the hurricanes already swept the flyers. They go to the finals or the conference finals to get to the Stanley Cup finals. And they'll take on either the Sabres or the Hurric... or the Canadians, and currently the series is tied at one, but the Canadians are up four to in the third period. That's not good.

And then we got the Golden Knights up to one on the ducks in that series, and then the avalanche up to one on the wild in that series. And then in baseball, we got the Tampa Bay Rays in first place ahead of the Yankees by a game. The Guardians in first above the White Sox and the Royals by a game and the Tigers by two games and the twins by two and a half games. That's a close division. athletics up in the west, the Braves up in the east,

the Cubs on top of the Central, and the Padres and the Dodgers tied for first. We also had the NBA draft lottery happen today. So that was big. It's supposed to be a good draft for the NBA. A lot of good college players going to the pros. And we had the bowls move up five spots. Yippee!

To the fourth spot. The grizzles. He's moved up to the three spot, up three spots. The Jazz moved up two spots, number two, and then the wizard stayed at number one, and they get the top spot. This was especially bad for the Pacers, who fell from number two down to five,

and then the Brooklyn Nets fell from number three down to six. Let me add to this here in L.A., we finally got emails and notifications. So for a while, I think I mentioned this before, the Olympics is coming here in 2028, and for locals, they are allowing you to enter a lottery to get tickets, right, to these various events.

And so I entered lotteries for ones I didn't think people would enter. Haven't won anything yet. But they did email and say, hey, we are now releasing official packages. So if you don't want to be in the lottery with like the pores, basically is what it was saying, you can buy these packages that will give you preferred seating

or boxes or you can go to a clubhouse thing and we'll serve you dinner and food or whatever and you can watch from there, right? So I clicked it to see what are the prices for this? Some seats are $800. Some seats are for a package, one person, $5,000. For finals, $8,000 for a person. I was like, this is a scam, dude.

I'd rather watch it on TV. You can't see anything for $8,000. Yeah. That's dumb. I don't. Yeah, it definitely has the, like the corporate vibe of like your corporation can rent this entire thing. Oh, yeah. Give us a ton of money.

Yeah. Like, even $800? No, that's crazy. It's like when you go to an NFL football game and you sit on one side, like way far back and you like barely see them on the other side of the field, and you're like, something happened, I think. Yeah, it's, ah, man, what a, what a bummer it was, because I went there to go see and I was thinking like, all right, maybe it's a couple hundred bucks to, like, get into, like, a nice seat.

Because it's the Olympics, it's the Olympics, man. Nah, no, it's the L.A. Olympics. They're going to charge you an arm and leg. And even the sports, there was one, I was like, I think it was ping pong or something. I was like, oh, it would be fun to, like, roll up to ping pong and, like, a suit and, like, be all like, oh, yes, sweet. That still for a single person was $1,200. Oh my God.

To watch Olympic ping pong? That's what I'm saying. Crazy amounts of money. But again, these are all for, it was like, oh yes, and you get exclusive. I think when you went, you got like an exclusive Olympic tote filled with gifts and things. Like it's still not worth it. But they really tried to ham it up. It's like, we give you dinner.

We give you free drinks. We give you all this stuff. So please come stay I was like no man If it was 1200 For a group of people I could see that being worth it But one person

That's nonsense For ping pong dude That's crazy But then they also had versions that were like Oh you can come to a qualifier match And it's significantly cheaper I was like why on earth would I pay A couple hundred bucks to go to a qualifier match

Yeah Those are like before the Olympics right when they do all that's what I'm like in the run yeah in like the run up to it yeah that's dumb I was like no I'll wait and see if I get in the lottery thing if not I'll watch it on TV like every other one I do yep uh I did also see that a month from now the FIFA World Cup is at it again oh yes it's happening all over America yeah that's pretty crazy I didn't realize it is weird that we didn't pick one city but instead we're like yeah it's everything actually I think it's north and South America locations

It's pretty crazy. It says 16 cities across Mexico, U.S. and Canada, which is actually, yeah, Vancouver, Seattle, San Francisco, L.A., Mexico City, Monterey, Guadalajara, Miami, Houston, Dallas, Kansas City, Atlanta, Philadelphia, New York, Boston, and Toronto. Do you think, do you think it's, well, I need to know the stadiums because I was about to say, think it's because we don't have a lot of soccer stadiums made? I don't know. But I feel like they could

convert. We've converted stuff. You would think so. Well, I know that, like, the New York is putting in grass in their stadium for this or something. Because, like, MetLife's notoriously terrible like, for players and injuries. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So people told them, like, you have to put in actual grass or you can't play. And they're like, all right. And then everyone was like, well, why can't you just do that for your other sports then? Because they did cares the answer. Yeah, yeah. There was enough FIFA bribe money around to make that happen. Yeah. Like, I don't even know how it's going to, I guess people are split into groups, and so, like, maybe different groups playing different areas. Yeah, it's also the different, uh, uh, sort of like, uh, you know, quarterfinals and semis and stuff like that are in different cities and things. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It'll be interesting, but. It will be. I'm, you know, hopefully it'll be exciting. I know here in L.A., there's a really big soccer community.

Football. This is essentially the soccer Olympics. Pretty much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, you know, it'll be a good test for this city come 2028 to see how we do in this summer. Yeah. And that sports. Okay.

What is our fact of the day? Fact of the day, day, day, day. So we may have done this. one, but I think it's worth doing again just because it's insane. So it says corn flakes were invented to suppress sexual impulses. If we did this one, I don't remember it and we deserve to do it again because this, what do you mean? So it says here that John Harvey Kellogg invented cornflakes in 1894, but they were later used as part of an extreme diet promoted by his church who basically suppresses

press horniness. Are you turned on by that girl in the pulpit next to you? Eat these corn flakes. Says Kellogg thought sex and masturbation were abnormal and unhealthy, so he believed corn flakes and their lack of flavor would help fight off any design. Hold on, hold on. The man who invented Kellogg's cereal was like sex is unnatural. Something about that rings is very true to me.

Yeah, which... Like the serial guy was like, sex is evil. That's why I eat cereal every day to fight my cravings. Well, like, does he have kids? His kids? His children were the cereals he made. They, you know what? Maybe they were. Let's see. John Harvey Kellogg and his wife, Ella Eaton Kellogg. Ella Eaton Kellogg?

Get it. Get out of here. Ella Eaton Kellogg. Ella Eaton. She's eating Kellogg. Ellie Ekeleck. Shut up. It actually Okay, this is actually insane. It says

he actually has no biological children, but was the dedicated foster parent to 42 children. What? And it says they never consummated their marriage and lived together as companion it

marriage while focusing on philanthropic child rearing. Like, this is incredible. He also kind of looks like the colonel from KFC. You know, at first my initial thought was like, well, maybe he's like secretly on the down low. And he's like getting with guys, but he like has to maintain appearances for the time period. But looking at these photos and there's no way, dude. This guy literally is like sex is a sin. And anyone who engages in it is going to hell.

That's why I eat bland cereal. He was a, oh, it says here he was a seventh day Adventist, which is a branch of Christianity that advocated a strict vegetarian diet, devoid of alcohol, caffeine, or meat. And I guess, you know, anything fun. I mean, I think that is, I literally think that's the point. Yeah, I think so. It's like, take away anything that could give you pleasure in life.

Which is insane. That's like me playing Kaiser Ironmon. That's what it's all about. He cited mood swings, bad posture, acne, baldness, stiff joints, palpitations, as well as a taste for spicy food to be side effects of the double abominable crime. Dude, I love spicy food. I am the worst sinner. You like all the things he ate's.

I'm not sure how I feel about palpitations. I'm not sure. I don't know that I like palpitations. Maybe I do. I don't know. It says to fight off any potential desire. He worked on ways people could curb sexual impulses, including creating corn flakes,

as well as a contraption that ran water through the bowel before following it with yogurt delivered between the mouth and anus. Stop. What? That's insane Was he like doing an enema On himself or some shit? It sounds like it

But with yogurt But also he said from the mouth to the anus So he's like pumping it through your whole body I mean honestly that's some shit TikTokers would probably promote That's what I'm saying This guy like invented hentai I don't know what the hell's going on here dude

This guy's crazy I just found out an insane secret That John Kellogg was keeping from everybody And it's on my TikTok shop for only $499. Guys, I'm what you call yogurt maxing right now. John Kellogg, yeah, that Kellogg, created this contraption that you stick one end up your butt and one end up your throat,

and you just yogurt and water yourself until it all comes out, dude, yogurt maxing. You got a yogurt max. That's some crazy shit. And that's your fact of the day. That was a fact, dude. All right. Who has come to us with tears in their eyes? We've got tears

Tears, tears, tears, tears Dear illustrious sirs, I come to you with a tear in my eye, a song in my heart, and a question upon my lips, and I ask you this, I am traveling to Chicago this July with my dad and brother

to visit the fossil Pokemon exhibit at the Field Museum and I wanted to, I didn't even know that was happening. Yeah, I wanted to say, hold on, is it still there when we go there? If it's in July, maybe? I wanted to know

what are some must-eat and must-see places you'd recommend visiting in the windy city, specifically places to get good Polish sausage, Chicago Deep Dish, yours truly a fan, who still wants hot chocolate every time I hear a call bell ring. That makes sense, but more importantly,

it's there through April 11th, 2027, we have to go. Honestly, that would be pretty fun to go. We have to go. Anyway, you know Chicago. What, uh, where should, oh yeah. Yeah,

where should you go? Also, there's a giant Pikachu, uh, wearing a fossil, like an archa, architect or not our what do you call them? Archaeologist. Archaeologist. Dr. Grant. He looks just like him from, yeah.

He walks around like yippee. So let's see. What can you do? You got a deep dish. You either go. Pequods is good, but that's a little like in the city and like trying to hard to get to some of them. But like Lou Malnadi's got it all over. You got to get a Lou. That's a classic. You go to the other ones, but like Lou Malnottis or Pequod's is like the two top tier ones that I've had.

Polish sausage, you can just go to Portillo's, man. You go to Portillo's, you get your Italian beef, you get a solid Maxwell Street, Polly sausage. They give you the mustard onions on that thing. Plus you can say you went to Portillo's, which is like a right of passing for Chicago. Yeah, exactly. That's a Chicago staple, too. So you get your, if you feel your arteries clogging when you eat it, that's how you know it's good. And you definitely cane when you're eating that thing. And then, I mean, honestly, you're going to the field,

Pretty much anything around there, like Navy Pier and all that. That's fun to check out. It's all good. There's also great steakhouses. Yeah. Oh, if you want to try something crazy. Oh, my God. What is that called?

I'm going to find you the exact restaurant because if you want to try something weird, Chicago Pizza and Oven Grindr Co in Lincoln Park serves the pizza pot pie. Pizza pot pie. That's right. Oh, I think I have heard of that, actually. Yeah. Yeah. I went there one time 10 years ago, but I still think about it.

So if you want to go, it's a really small restaurant, but I bet it would be good. It's a pizza pot pie. Pizza pot pie. So yeah, there you go. That's good Chicago stuff. Yeah. If you wanted a solid recommendation, your shit out of luck. It's Chicago.

Yeah, no. The rare Saturday C&C upload. Dear Alustreous Sirs, with tears in my eyes and a feather in my cap, I ask you. Following the absolute dud of 2026 Animal Farm release, what other cautionary tales of fiction would you like to see Hollywood ruin in spectacular fashion and how? I wasn't even aware there was an animal farm release, so that sums that up pretty well. Animal Farm movie. Hmm, what book would I like to see Hollywood Ruin?

Oh, yeah, it's got like 16% on Google, 2.4 IMDB, 26% Rotten Tomatoes. Hard yikes. I don't know how they'd ruin it, but I'd love to see like, what's that Caterpillar book? The hungry Caterpillar? That's the one. It's the hungry caterpillar, but he's hungry for attention because he's a live streamer. He's a streamer, and he constantly goes around with his little streaming backpack and films his day, and he needs attention constantly. Yeah, any viewbots.

Yep. Oh, my God. Yes, he does. And he's voiced by Seth Rogan. Mm-hmm. Oh, no, what? No, no, Chris Pratt. Let's be real.

Ah, yeah, Chris Pratt. That's true. Chris Pratt. Yeah. Seth Rogen would actually be kind of an entertaining caterpillar. Yeah, he'd have his little, Seth Rogen laugh. I'd be like, that's pretty funny. Let's see, what would I want?

I'd want them to be in 1984. Oh, no. But like, with Nick Cage. And it's literally just about the year 1984. Yeah. And he's like, They're trying to ruin the 80s. Some shit like that.

He's like, I won't let him. I traveled back in time to stop it from ruining the 80s. Which like I would watch because it's Nick Cage. But at the same time, it would be, you know, they'd be making a mockery of 1984. I mean, it has to say based on the book in 1984 and then have nothing to do with it. Yeah. And then it would have like, I don't know, who else would be like the rock or some shit. Yeah, it's like when they made video game movies.

It's like the Mario movie. It's, I mean, it's Mario, but not really. Yeah. Yeah. And like, Jaden Smith or something. Oh, yes. Yes, Jaden Smith is the lead for sure. Yeah.

God, who else could they get? Just like Cameron Diaz or something. You know what? Bring Cameron Diaz. No, Carmen Elektra. Oh, yeah. Carmen Electra. That's, that's it.

That's the winner. She's got to be out there waiting for something. something to get paid for. And Kevin James, Kevin James and Adam Sandler. You gotta fit them in somehow. They're just like part of the evil 1984 government power trying to do all the shit. They're just like, Kevin, what are you doing? And he's like, I don't know, I don't know, man.

I'm gonna try to do what the empire tells me. He's like, whoa, I can see that. Yeah, pretty good. By good, I mean, terrible. Terrible movie. Yeah, it would be a terrible movie. And there you go. That's our Dere Lustery and Sir.

Your movie became a true trac fire. It kept getting worse and worse. Yeah. It could probably get worse, but... It probably could. Honestly, I think I'd rather watch the viewbod and caterpillar. You're right.

The more I heard about your movie, the more I was like, my movie sounds pretty good, actually. Yeah. So there we go. All right. One is... our big new story of the day. Big new story of

I saw this one and I was like we have to do this. Okay. Ball maxing. I'm going to hope it's not what I think it is. Please continue. Ball maxing is electrifying, addictive, euphoric, and

transcendental according to those pursuing bigger balls. Well, it's exactly what I thought it was going to be. Yep. If we're going to have looks maxing, we might as well have ball maxing too, right? To be clear, I'm not advocating that either should be a thing, but since nobody's putting a stop to one, why not the other? Look maxing is the bizarre online self-improvement practice, according to Wikipedia,

and it's focused on the process of maximizing one's physical attractiveness. Now, ball maxing is slightly different. Ball maxing is all about going for the biggest ball ball. possible. Why? Who really knows? Who really knows? And according to men's health, there are some who have been wrapped up in the pursuit

of bigger balls for many years. A 57-year-old man by the name of Marcus told the Men's Lifestyle magazine that he's been obsessed with making his balls bigger for decades. Marcus, no. Marcus, no!

It's, quote, a passion he thinks grew out of the comic books he'd read as a child. What comic books is he reading? All right. That is, like, he clearly read some, like, dirty stuff. Where they had to disproportionately draw characters' genitalia so it, like, read better on a comic page.

Yeah. Like, some sort of dirty comic. That's exactly. And so he, like, got it in his head that, like, that's exactly what it should look like. I should have comically large testicles. It's like that episode of South Postal. park where they all bounced around to their giant

testicles. Dude, that may be a reality soon. That's like it sounds straight. All the look maxing, ball maxing people is bouncing around. Yeah, a bunch of beautiful men and their giant balls. By his own measurements, his scrotum is bigger than a mango. At 14. That, no, that's not, how would you wear pants?

Um, I don't know, they find a way. Life finds a way? He has managed to grow it to that size by injecting a surgical lubricant called surgilube. Why? He's not sure. But he's learned a few things along the way. He said, quote, I'm astonished at how flexible the testicles are. They just expand. I'm astonished as well. Fascinating. Not only that there's someone out there doing that,

but he's not alone. Men's Health reports that there's a subreddit for saline inflation that has more than 8,700 members. What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This isn't... No. This isn't growing your balls.

This is sticking goop in them. Yes. which in return is growing them but unnaturally of course but like that's crazy what do you yeah I'm looking at surgery loop surgical lubricant sterile bacteriostatic jelly

so he's sticking just jelly in there stop dude stop I just that I don't know they are of course sharing their own ball maxing journeys with one another a journey described by Jack

31 told men's health, nothing really matches experiencing yourself. The blue collar worker added, you have to talk yourself into doing it. Find the time. Get everything prepped and then sit there for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour and a half while it takes effect.

There's a burning sensation. No one can see me, but I've been mouth open, just jaw to the floor level of like, no. What do you mean? This is I don't know

I can't even This is the problem with the internet This is what we've learned Weirdos from all over the world Can get in touch with each other And seem a little less weird To eat Like these guys are just sharing ballpicks

Like dude check out my giant melons Like back in the day You'd have like a friend You'd be like dude I'm thinking To like injecting surgical in my testicles You'd be like dude don't do that Yeah like what is the matter of you Yeah you'd be shamed by everyone you worked with

Who you told that to They'd be like What are you doing? Oh my god. And now they're like, dude, online I found 8,000 other people doing it. This is crazy. They said there's a quote burning sensation that is apparently part of the whole experience, of course. An experience that has been described as electrifying, addictive, euphoric, and transcendental.

One may come to the conclusion that perhaps they have too much free time on their hands if they're pumping salines into their balls for fun. Uh, but... One might come to that conclusion, yes. But I say, at least they're not carving people up in their basements. Thanks, writer. Yeah, that's the, that's, that's, that's, that or balls. Yeah. I mean, they, they say that, but they could still be doing that. Right? Like, just because they're pumping their testicles full of saline solution,

doesn't mean they're still not like a serial killer. Oh my God. In fact, that's probably more likely to be honest. Dude, dude, I went to go look up like, all right, well, what happens if you take this a little too far? There's a story about some guy named, this guy was like a BDSM cult, and he went to try to make his genitals larger and he died from it. What? How did he die? Like infection?

Or like just What happened? Oh my God. After three more than a three injections More than a quart of silicone. What the shit? He still felt that he wasn't big enough.

That's insane. What the hell? He needed more. So on Friday, November 10th, 2017 He flew to L.A. to receive his fourth injection in one and a half years. I guess when he went to get that fourth injection he got like a blood clot or something

Ah, I see Picture like one of the, you know, like in the movies Where they're just like, more And he's like, I can't We can't, there's too much already And he's like more Oh, this is so sad though Because this guy, and I'm going to make the assumption

A lot of these dudes His whole thing was that he wasn't good enough And because when he had these injections He felt loved by people Like people I assume in the fetish community were really into it. And so we felt like he had attention and love. And that's why we wanted them to be bigger

because it was never bigger enough. That's really sad. That is pretty sad. That has to be a lot of these things, right? Like, it's a lot of like either body dysmorphia or just like low confidence or any of where it's your physical appearance and you're just like, I need,

what's the like appreciation or just people like me and everything. Yeah, the attention. I feel a lot of the looks maxers are probably that. The attention of like, I'm beautiful. They love me because I'm beautiful. But if I ever become less beautiful, or, you know, like the guys who are like looks maxing dudes,

and then they mean another guy who's more attractive and they, like, definitely do not take that well. There's a, yeah, that sucks. But then there's also its online communities and it's online, you know, if you're at home and you see a bunch of dudes, like, being attractive and then like a bunch of girls on their streams, like literally, that one guy, all of his streams are him. picking up girls.

Yeah. And so if you see that, you're definitely going to be like, when you look in the mirror, you're like, I'm not, I'm not that. I'm terrible. Especially nowadays where everyone's, you know, on every social media app and they're posting like very tailor-made specific things that they like edit down and like create to be like,

look at this thing. And then people think it's reality when it's like insanely. I mean, the one guy posts all of his photos, where he's like jacked and looking handsome and then it was revealed he's wearing a wig the entire time. Yeah, that's right. Like what if? I mean, and that one guy from the too old for this, almost too old for this, that said he was like the landmine guy and he lied.

Yeah, yeah. Again, don't trust anyone. Don't even trust us. Don't trust us. Is this story real? Look it up yourself. Yeah, don't trust anyone. Don't trust anyone.

On the internet. Yeah, on the internet. You can trust people in real life. But the internet, it's all, unless you can see them in real life, it's all fake. Yeah. Well, don't trust some people in real life, but don't trust anyone on the internet. No, no, trust me in real life. I need like a, you know, I'll need a kidney or something from you.

And your social security number. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. And that's the big new story of the day. Damn, too big, some might say. Too big, some might say. Too big. All right, well, that's it for all.

Thanks so much for listening and watching. I've enjoyed this podcast. Crenor hit them with the socials. We've got socials. YouTube.com slash Cox and Crendor podcast. That's where all these podcasts go up on YouTube. That's where you can post your weather request, your dear lustrous serves,

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