Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 516 - Another Live Show! Again!

Episode Date: August 30, 2026

The boys are back and this time with another live show from Lincoln Hall in Chicago! Jesse brought games and fun things to do - but the audience brought their own nonsense. Thankfully Crendor was there to ruin all our plans. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/cox50off and use code cox50off to get 50% off and 1 free breakfast item per box for a year!

Today's episode's brought you by Factor. Factor's got those good meals delivered right to your home. Let's jump into this live podcast. In a universe spiraling into entropy, where lesser men chase the fleeting currents of modern existence, these two figures stand immovable, curved into the digital bedrock, resilient against the passage of time and the relentless algorithm standing as an unmovable. as an unyielding monument to low effort glory. I speak of these men. Forge from the stardust of the space butterfly, descended from the row of saints

and dipped in honey and roasted to perfection. One, a part of history in gaming whose laugh pierces the heavens like a warhorn. The other, a serene prophet of chill, sitting comfortably in the morning traffic of his own mind. Ladies and gentlemen, this stage is their cathedral

beneath the vaulted ceilings of this hall with a faith-fumid truth. That intention matters not when the banter is eternal. I told you we'd make an intro. That was a good intro. That was a good intro. Actually, technically they made the intro.

That's true, yeah. We didn't really do anything. We just stole ideas from people on YouTube, but it was great. Yeah, it's the American way. Yeah, thank you. To the double feature tonight. You didn't have to, but I like it and I appreciate it. Thank you.

How many of you have been here before? And how many of you are brand new? So many new faces. That's actually a lot. That's a lot of people. That's worrisome. It means last time sucked, dude. That's true, yeah.

Last time was bad. Wow. Yeah. Okay. And then how many of you were dragged along? to be here. No, no, raise those hands. All right, one, two,

three, four, come on, five, six, seven, eight, nine, hold on, I like this. Hello, it's so nice to see you, I'm so sorry. You've made the wrong choice.

What was this? You said, my girlfriend? Everything come out okay? So, so? You should get that looked into. I'm not saying we will. I'll hope the money's right. Hey, bud, what's going on? I don't know, what's going on? Awesome, you nailed it.

That's what I'm here for. I guess I should have also asked who here's is for the protest. Oh yeah, the protest over there. Apparently they've been doing that for like a year. A year? Yeah, they said... I don't think they're going to stop serving foie gras then, dude. No.

Dude, there's this old lady came up, and she like took one of the pamphlets, and she like tore it up and, like, threw it like LeBron or something. And she was like, she must love Fogre. I liked the fact that at some point there were these two girls walking around selling flowers. And at some point

they targeted on the fact that those people would still be there. And next thing they turned around, they've got flowers in their hands. I was like, those little girls were working. I love that. Yeah. We should add them at the merch line. Yeah. They could help Davis out. Yeah, he's struggling.

I got to be honest. we've had a pretty chill Chicago trip. Yeah. It's been fun. We went and saw the Pokemon fossils. We did. Which are not real fossils, yet somehow, I know, shocking. But somehow there were real fossils.

And the real horror of it all was the fact that the very end, like the last thing you see is this thing that looks like an Eldridge being. and it's like this weird-ass thing was discovered by some dude and no one knew what it was and then there's a, they made a plushy of it. Yeah.

Imagine like a squid body but with crab claws but with like a little dongle hanging out of his face it looks like if it was human size it would kill you. It's terrifying. Tully Monster.

What is it? Tully Monster? Tully Monster. No, I don't like it. Still too big. That's still too big. It was the worst thing I've ever seen. I was like,

mm-mm. It's like when you go to the sort of like, the history of earth, and you go through all that, and then at some point, it shows you the primordial sea, and it's like, oh, look at those cute little guys,

and this giant horror appears that looks like something from a Cthulhu something. It's terrible. I was like, no. I'm glad we don't exist with those. It's just a sport creation, you know? I don't like it.

Much like Spore. I don't like it. Dude, I forgot about Spore. Everyone forgot about Spore. We were promised, we were promised so much. What? The art book went hard, though. Cool.

I always love when I get a game and it sucks, but the art book goes hard. Dude, I bought the, uh, I bought the Pokemon archaeology book. That was good. Yes. Oh, real talk. Real talk. We got a shout out our boys.

We were at the museum. For a brief moment, I thought our audience was the most intelligent, most cultured people. I forgot there was a Pokemon exhibit. Most cultured people. We met so many fans at the museum. Yeah. And then, in line, the guy managing the line, are you here tonight? Yes.

Yeah. Good. you, but to the other guy who was by the cash register gave us 10% discount. It was great. You did. I saved eight bucks. Yeah, that's fantastic. Mm-hmm.

That was good. And then immediately afterwards we went and got Polish food. Yep. Where I, the waitress, bless her sweet soul. I don't know if she was getting progressively drunk as the night went on. But she became increasingly flirty with everyone at the day. table to the point where you went to the bathroom at one point, came back and she had taken your place. She did, yeah. She was trying to get you to say, what's the beer's name? Oh, God,

Zivets? Zivets? Yeah, Jivets. Shivets, yeah. Yeah, Jivets. I said it poorly to start. And then she's like, said it correctly. And I was like, anything for you, baby. And then she taught me how to say, a, oh, fuck me, which is a corva mach. So, very excited about that. You probably still didn't say it, right? Look, I was multiple beers deep. Okay, what I remember, man.

It was like two, three beer. All right, you're right, two tree beer. Yeah. Two tree beer. Yeah. And then we ate, I don't even know what we ate. Weird soups. It was just a lot of Polish food.

Yeah, yeah, it's great. Enough sauerkraut to make tonight potential. dangerous. Oh, we forgot the museum usher Chris Brown. Holy shit. Across from the museum was an usher Chris Brown concert. The Soldier Field. Oh, it was lovely. Yeah, boo. I'm not even sure what we're booing at this point.

I'll boo anything. While we were there, we kept seeing, like, I gotta give credit. I saw some guys, and it was like one dude. and like 12 girls. And I couldn't figure out what the deal was. I was like, hold on, is this guy like, what's going on here? I think they just got a free ride to the Usher concert. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. But as we were leaving, we were driving around the back of the arena, the stadium. And there was one line going into the back, all the groupies. And honestly, I had a question. Every one of them dressed in leather, which, you know, Awesome, good for them. But it was very hot. And at a certain point, if I'm Chris Brown or if I'm Usher,

and all my groupies are wearing leather, do you just get bored of it? Are you just like, you know, where's the jeans? Where's the sun dress? You know, like? Maybe not. Where's the girl showing up in a hoodie? Maybe they like what they like.

It's for bondage. Hold on. Hold the phone. Who said that? Who said, you bet. I need you to know. That was the greatest inflection I've ever heard. It was for bondage. There was a little bit of like,

you should know this asshole. That's like a Reddit. Are you a Redditor? So anyway, yeah, that was the ushered Chris Brown. It was packed. It was just weird because they were like in the field museum, like walking around. So it was just like,

What are you going to do before the concert? You're going to stand outside, and you're going to go to the field museum? Yeah, but it was just weird because you see, like, ancient fossils and dinosaurs, and there's just, like, party people? Leather ass. There was a lot of ass.

Like, a lot of ass. And that one guy, he was outside of, like, the bottom of stairs, and he was, like, groupy group. And then he, like, I don't know what he did, but I saw him, and he, like, fell, and he was, like, grabbing his leg. and they were all like massaging it and trying to, I don't know why. I've never been so jealous.

This guy was just like in sweats, going to the Usher concert with his entourage, I guess. And he, yeah, I don't know what happened. He was like, oh, my leg. And he sat down, and then like four women rushed to massage his leg. And I was like, son of a bitch, I'm doing this wrong. It was incredible.

Yeah, we just have people yell at us that we're saying bondage wrong. or whatever. I also know, I need a chair. It's more of a stool, but I get it. All chairs are stools, not all stools are chairs. Other way or right. Yeah, hold on, yeah, wait a minute, that's not correct.

Took me a sec. I was like, what he, what? Okay, I would like to, if we may, play a game with Credor. What kind of game? Hold on, time out. I have a game, but wait a minute, I'm being, what is that? What are you showing me? You know what it is.

It's the moon phase. I don't know what that is. It's the moon phase. I know. I'm aware of that, but you told me you as something else. Yeah. You want to do it? You got your first groupie.

Well, well, well, hey beautiful. How you doing? You should come up to the microphone. All right. Oh, you have notes? I didn't print this one. What do you do? What is this?

Well, okay, here's the moon phase spreadsheet, as usual. I need you to know. Friender, I'm disappointed in you. You failed. You broke the streak. failed to mention the moon phase in episode 497. Drenor. Dude, I'm not even gonna lie.

I search high and low in that episode for it. I use AI to search for it. I was like, I confirmed it. I was like, it's a sad thing. I need you to know something. The font on this is so small. I realize how old I am now. I looked at this as like, what the hell?

Okay, well, I'm gonna hand this off to you. All right. Were you just looking up an episode of our very own podcast? is the peanut butter crisis or something. Well, now we know. But you broke your streak at 136 episodes in a row. I'm actually impressed it. That's actually pretty good.

Yeah, I don't know. That's pretty good. All right, what are you doing? I have a new spreadsheet. I was... In episode 500, you said, you wish that someone worked on a spreadsheet or a list of quotes from each episode.

I said, fuck it, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do all 500. And not just, hey, one quote between you and Krendor, it's one quote from each of you, from each episode. Stop this. Out of context? Except I realized I had to do like eight episodes per day to make it in time for this show.

And I was like, screw that, I was going insane. So I stopped. And then I lost my job. And I got really depressed. for the last couple months. Oh. But I'm starting a new job. I'm teaching.

So if you got advice for teaching, I appreciate it. Thank you. I love that you, like, played the crowd for sympathy, and then you came back with, like, a feel-good story at the end. It was great. That was wonderful. But anyway, I have a few quotes between you and Cren Doork. Are you going to tell us who's who?

Well, I'll say to quotes, and I'll let you guys guess. Who's setting? Okay. All right. All right. All right. All right. And their taste buds are all shot.

What? What? And their taste buds are all shot so we could serve them crap and they would love it. Who said it? You or Crendor? That sounds like Jesse. And their taste buds are all crap? Yeah, it sounds like something I would say.

Jesse it is. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna assume the next one's Crendor. I'm really good at this. Tomorrow on Yahoo News. on Yahoo News, it'll be like,

couple caught dipping their junk in honey. Both catch herpes. That's got to be me. That's a Crenor, for sure. Nah, that was you. Whoa. How very to the point I was. Oh, that first one was episode two, by the way.

Episode two? Yeah, episode two. Like I said, I started... Man, we weren't funny back then, too. We had, like, jokes and shit. That's true. I've been combing all these episodes trying to find out.

I'm quotes to take out of context to help you guys. Okay, all right. Free labor. Well, that's why I asked for a free poster, man. You can have a poster. All right, thank you. If they're not sold out. Oh, okay, fine.

It's not all right. Fair enough. I don't know I'll still be here. I leave after this show. I don't stay for Chulamina. What? You've never noticed me gone. You never noticed that the third row just has an empty seat.

I'm still working. Better sit your ass down. You got, I already paid you for it. You already getting paid. It's not like paid hourly. Chaluminati's okay. Wow. I'm on that show too.

Look, Chaluminati doesn't have the moon face. Remember a couple live shows ago? You asked why do people come to here? And I said, I'm here for the moon face. Yeah. He is the moon guy. So when we didn't do the moon face, that affected you? No, I wasn't even watching to it.

I was in high school. Yeah, I'm going to make you feel old. Guess what? I just turned 30. So how long have you been listening? Since COVID. Wait, what? That doesn't make sense.

What? I've been listening since high school. I'm now 30. I didn't say I was listening since high school. What did you say? I said I just turned 30. What did you say before that? I wasn't listening before that.

Am I being, is this, am I being punked? No, you're being gasoline. Aston, Coutcher are you here? Yeah, the gasoline. Aston. Not Ashton, it's Aston, his cousin. Oh, yeah, Ash. All right, yes, okay.

All right, let's get back to the game. Yeah, let's get back to the important stuff. All right. My butt is oozing. Yeah, toughen up. We got a little butt ooze now and again. That's a Crendor. No, that's Jesse.

That's Jesse. Yeah. I wouldn't say that. Very pro butt ooze, that's true. You got a little butt ooze now and again. Yeah, sure. My breast has arms. Wait, my arm has breasts.

That's Crendor. That's 100% Crendor. I think it's Jesse. Nah, it's Crenor. Yeah. Damn, all right. That's a Crenor. What episode was that? That was episode 30.

And I heard the other guy asking about the quote from me before. The butt oozing, that's episode 39. Damn, these are old. Like I said, I started at the beginning and then I was going insane. You could be making this up, by the way. We would not know. I curated this by my friend.

I had a few quotes from each episode and if there were a lot of good ones and tried curating the best ones. There were many episodes where I was like, Krenner, you just don't say shit. You got to say more. That's true. I don't. It's not wrong.

Like, Jesse, I'm like, man, I got some good ones. I got like five. and then I'll be like, Crendor, I'm like, fuck, what the hell does he say, okay? Like, that's not good enough. I'm really just here to, like, make fun of Jesse. Because of you. You don't say enough.

Yeah, I'm here to make fun of Jesse or say he's wrong. That's really half what I do have. In fact, when I was at Comic Con in Chicago, there's a guy that came up and he's like, dude, Cox and Crendor. And he's like, dude, you're like the one guy that can, like, tell Jesse's wrong all the time. That was like, that's what I can do.

Me and, like, it's dead. All right. All right, I got another. Please. So we have to give up a few things, like letting our dog run around and bite people. That's probably me. I don't care enough about dogs to say that.

So it had to be me. Yeah. That was you. Yeah. Episode 500, by the way. I don't. 500? Yeah, that's like, no way that's episode 500.

I was like, what was the topic? Hold on, what was the topic? I don't know. I took it out of context. That's the whole point of the game. Here, hey, for the viewer, For the viewers at home, that was episode 500. No way.

31 minutes and two seconds. I have on timestamps. What were we talking about that? I was like, dogs should just bite people. I can't even tell you what I talked about like yesterday. Cool, okay. I wonder where his friend that's getting attacked by witches and warlocks. They might have been in Target.

They might also be on drugs. Oh, that's me. Yeah, that's a Crendor. Yeah, that was episode 503. I remember that was because I went to Target. There's a guy outside talking about witches and warlocks. But he was on the phone, so I don't know who he's talking to. He was prepared for the witches and wallocks.

Was he like talking to the witches and warlocks? Or somebody that was like fighting witches and warlocks? No, no, no, I was warning about the Target witches and warlocks. Which everyone knows shop specifically at Target. There are a lot of morlocks at Target. Okay, one more. All right, one more. I don't like the idea that every day of your life is just, well,

I'm one nut away from being dead. That's a Jesse Cox. Well, it's definitely not Crendor. Yes, it is Jesse. That was episode 508. That was recent. I don't even remember that. I don't remember that at all.

That's very wise. Whoever said that's a genius. Ah, yeah, see. All right, all right, one more. All right, you want one more? Hmm. Give us a, I can't say give us a Crendor, but I want to hear if Crenor says something stupid.

Here's the quote, this is gonna be a curveball. Crendor said all homeless people should die. That is not a quote. That is indeed a quote. I don't think I can be on the show with you anymore. Hold on, what episode, so it's out of context. So clearly we're talking about an article of some sort. I'm trying to save you, bud.

Clearly we're talking, we're talking, we're talking about like an article of some sort, and we were reading it. Well, hold on, hold. Do you think, who do you think said it? The full quote is, Crendor said, all homeless people should die. Oh, Jesse said, Krendor, yeah.

So Jesse said, oh, yeah, no. I see. So I took something you said out of context to make you look bad on our show. I don't think so. That's got to be like episode, like eight. That was episode 90, and Krendor, you actually said,

Crenor said, All homeless people should die. All right, well. Yes. Yes. Yes. Get him out of here. He's done. You want to know the best part, the context for that is that, hey, people are taking our podcast quotes out of context.

I was like, perfect. Bravo. Yep. Well done. That's poster worthy. That's good. What is this? What is this?

Gundam? Yeah. Once a time, on one stream you said, if somebody gives me a model kit, I'll build it. He won't. And so, friend of... So, Crenor, I know you're a big Warhammer guy, but that's the Gyan. It's like a knight, but it shows up on one episode and it explodes. Is it like an or?

Is it like a Necron? This just looks like a Mega Man villain. It's like, I tried to find the most green gist mobile system. Principality of Zeon mass productive? So that's like a grunt suit. A grunt suit? Yeah, so it's like one of the fodder enemies. Cool, I deserve that.

Crenor, I wanted to get you the Zuda. because it goes... This guy's name is AC guy? Yeah, the act guy. Cool, thank you. So, you want to know the lore behind that? All right, sure. Sure?

Yeah, no, I really... I really... I wonder what this show is, and it's just, like, random quotes from a podcast they've never listened to, people giving us gumbums and, like, quotes...

So, the creator, Tomino, he said he came up with increasingly stupid names to see if the toy gumbees reject it, and they never did. Well, I'm glad you've given me one. But I wanted to give you the Zuda because it goes really fast and explodes because it overheats its engine

and a reference to you constantly injuring yourself by overexertion. Well, thank you. Anyway. Thank you. To old for Gunpla coming soon, maybe? Maybe. All right. Thank you, guys.

It was really cool to meet you yesterday. Oh, wow. Yes, we saw you at the museum. Yeah, yeah. You guys are, like, legit, like, I really, I don't, like, do YouTube, but I look up to you guys. I have huge respect for you guys. You're looking up to us right now. Yeah, technically.

All right. It's true. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, so one of the things that Krendor is known for is his retired mundane existence. Yep.

And I would like to play a game with him involving y'all. Oh. So. In your mind right now, if you could, think about something creative. Like, I'm going to ask you this question, and I want you to bump it up a notch. So I'm going to say, think of the most mundane thing you've done over the last 24 hours. That is very specific. So not I ate cereal, but perhaps I, as Alex, I don't have my first.

it's out there. But Alex messaged us and said, damn, I just took a dump. It was 14 inches long. That level of specificity. Right? So just something mundane but specific. Where is this going?

I'm going to have you, I'm sure if you've seen on the internet, via TikTok or Instagram or whatever, people who will order things one to ten. But they don't know what's coming next. I would like you to order from like, oh, that's definitely going to be 10th,

or that's first place. And we're going to go through 10 people in the audience. And I want to see where you place them. Well, what's number one? Like, the weirdest? What am I ranking? It's up to you. You determine what is the most... What is the most mundane?

Oh, okay, the most mundane. Versus the least mundane. Okay, all right. Right? Yes. But hyper-specific. Okay. All right.

Who would like to be our first victim? All right, we'll go front row. What do you got? A farm 10,000 milk buckets in old school RuneScape. Crendor, is that 1 to 10, where does that fall for you? That's like a 3.

Okay, so now 3 is taken. You cannot say 3. All right. Great. So number 3 is milk buckets in Rooscape. Keep in mind, a better version needs to something better than that is 1 and 2.

I put it at three. Okay. I know what I'm doing. Who would like, yeah, all right. Granular sand. I watched my son. Yeah. Sun, hand through sand.

That's like a seven. All right, seven's gone. Yep. Three and seven are taken. Yeah, seven. Yeah, seven. Anyone up there? Yes, right there.

Crendor. Reheated lumines. on these twice. That's like 10. You got to do that. That's pretty mundane. No, it's not mundane. It's a necessity that isn't mundane.

You have to do that. Damn, you're right. You know what? You got me. You don't know what you're doing. I don't know what I'm doing. You're right. Okay.

Yes. Hold on. Bondage? Yes, bondage? Dusting my 30-piece Dragonite collection. That's a hard competitor. I'm going to put it to two

Damn, all right Someone's got to have a good one for one Two and three are impressive Okay, uh Yes What's a glorified stick? Yeah, what is a glorified sticky note? Damn

Holy shit 150 library sticky notes Is basically what you got But she like had to do that That's, I feel like it's part of the job I'll put it four Four? All right. Okay.

I'm sorry, what was that? You were not ready? Well, hold on. Think about it. It is a porn store. I feel like you have to do that. That's true, and it is part of the job. It's part of the job? Yeah, I mean, I don't have to shout it. That's not mundane at all. I'm putting it at a ten. No, we already had a ten. I'm put it at nine.

There we go. All right, it's a nine. What is science? What is history? Well, we found the line. What is that? So you were a line. have one, five, six, seven, eight left. I think that's a good five. All right, that's a good five.

That's the line. How long? How long for it? Yeah, how long was he tapping? How long was he tapping? How long is important? Yeah. No, that's not long enough.

Yeah, that's not long enough. Yeah, that's eight. All right, that's eight. Yeah, if he was doing it for like an hour, I would have been like, that's number one. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. Oh, yes, waving hand, yeah.

Told me to stop. What did you unleash? The bear's at a zoo. How long did she complain? Air spray paint. You've got one, six, seven. God damn it. I feel like there's going to be a number one,

so I'm going to put it at six. That is pretty good. All right. He's holding out for a hero. I'm holding. Okay. I see a lot of hands. I got an enthusiast enthusiasm hands.

Hold on, way in... Do you... Do you know who you picked? Can I tell you what's funny? Is both said sack of crap? And that's pretty mundane, so where are you going? Nah, that's seven. That's a great purchase you should make. It really is.

So we have one and six left? Yes. Okay. That's very enthusiastic, yes? Yeah, but why are you doing this? Is it your job? Dog rumor? How long are you doing this for?

You're going to get a lot of dog ass. Eight hours a day, yeah. That's a lot of dog eyes. Yeah. If you're a dog groomer, that's all you're getting is dog ass. That's either a one or a six. You got to make a choice. But that means the next one, whatever it is, is number one on your list.

You know what, I believe. I'm going to say six. I think this next one is the dog. Here's the thing. You're picking excited hands. You need to pick the least excited hands because that's the most of the thing. At least excited. The professor late in a week, several times.

That's pretty good. That could have been much worse. That's your number one? Well, it has to be. That's the point of the game. It has to be number one. Damn. Damn.

Yeah. Honestly, that was too bad. I think I did all right. Yeah. Does anyone have something truly disturbing they did? Thank God. No hands. All right.

All right. One hand, no hands. No hands. Zero hands. All right. Well, Crenor, I think is that time. You're right. So I'm sure you're aware that I've been trying to get fit.

It's a thing I'm trying to do. I want to look good, especially for the live show. And that's required doing a lot of moving, being out, moving, shaking. Shaken? That's right. A lot of shakin. I am shaking like crazy. And with all that shaking, it means I don't really have the time to be cooking. Thankfully, factor is there to help me keep from eating out or eating some really unhealthy options,

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with our next segment. All right. Yeah, come on up. I was gonna help. That was the bit. No, I don't want you to help. That was the bit. I knew you were...

Where do you want me? Right there is fine. Okay. Okay, because... I went outside and I asked everyone in the line to come up with traffic-based situations. Okay. So when we do traffic, I want you to one at a time, pick something from here. Okay.

You don't have to pick them all. Just hand it to Crendor and he's going to do the traffic based on what's on here. Okay. Okay. Thank God. I don't know if I do anything. No, no, no. Take the whole thing.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, I got it. Because I have to do a bit. All right. All right. Let's go to Chappendantampton. Crenner, how's that traffic out there? Oh boy, traffic is crazy.

It's going 40 miles an hour on a scooter. Oh, someone's going 40 miles an hour on a scooter. Or 90, 40? I can't read that. Someone's doing some sort of speed on a scooter. And I like your Cubs jersey. Go Cubs. Delivery.

The hell? Robots. They're going crazy out there. There's lots of five-point turns. I've seen it. I mean, to be honest, driving here, there probably was like eight, five-point turns. from people yelling. And Teslas are not accepting our invitation to merge.

Now that's a truth. And there's little girls with flowers outside. Taking up the outside from that, the roads are wide open. You just ignore the Teslas and the girls with flowers. But there is a four-lane big, what the hell is this? Merged into one, and the off-ramp is blocked for the Usher concert. Honestly, yeah, you know, and they're probably into bondage. Who only remember landmarks from 50 years ago.

Like Usher. And then there's double diamond freakouts. What's a double diamond freak out? I don't know. I don't know. Tell us again. And probably because of the Teslas. It's always the Teslas.

But there's a subway divorce. Wait, subway divorce. Not subways. This one just says there's missing an A. Well done. Let's do the weather. Let's find Wopi's back there. Wapie's practically broken now, but... Yeah.

Every time we move this damn thing, it keeps breaking. Yeah. Turn it on, dude. This weather robot is busted. Can we hear Woppy? Microphones, Wopi. Hold it closer. Still on doing it.

Nope, nope, you should... Do you turn your microphone off? I mean Wopi's microphone off? And the people coming up here. Oh, no. It was Woppy's fault. Don't worry about it. Greased, Fahrenheit, feels like 71. Air quality.

Canada's wild. Feels like 69. Nice. UV index zero. Wind. 11 miles per hour. 607, sunrise. Precipitation. 0.05. Yes. Visibility 15 miles per hour.

Humidity, 73%. Moon. Waxing gibbis. Pressure. 29.95G. What? Yes. 10 day.

Sunday. Sunday. Monday. 76. Sunny. Tuesday. 79. Partly.

Wednesday. 83. Rain. Thursday. 80. Rain. Friday. Friday.

Partly cloudy. Saturday. rain. Still going, I guess. Dang, he broke. No, he's broken? I'll be honest. I'll know what you expected.

I forgot the moon phase a few weeks ago or whatever, or a few months ago. That was February. Exactly. Let's go to sports. Sports. That was a great unison.

Sports. Hold on. Hold on. We're holding. We're waiting on you, Matt. All right, good. It's loading. NFL preseason scoreboard.

Exactly. Let's see. Eagles are beating the Patriots. The Chiefs are beating the Buccaneers. The Bengals are beating the Bears. Boo. Nice. The Packers won yesterday.

They were antagonized. Yeah. Clay Thompson set to join Heat after Mavs' buyout. DeRosen Nuggets, one-year deal. You're just saying things. That's former Chicago Bowl to Marta Rosen. Oh, of course. Yeah. Baseball, athletics four, Astros three.

Mets are beating the White Sox 8-5. Let's go, Mets. Whoa, the one Mets fan. Cubs are beating the Mariners, four, three, bottom of the nine. They'll blow it, probably. But maybe not. They're doing better in the... Actually, they lost yesterday. And Giants, two nothing over Red Sox.

Pirates are losing to the Dodgers. Good. Great. You don't even know. Who's a Dodgers player? That doesn't show Hey Otani. Clancy Javis. Classic L.A.

Classic L.A. person. Tell me I'm wrong. You are wrong. You don't know. Clancy Javis is the... That's sports. Brewers? Brewers?

Drunk. The fact that you said brewers probably means they're winning. I don't know. Scores. Man, he closed it? Reopened it. Yeah, they won four to one.

Who cares? All right. What is our fact of the day? Oh, all right. This is when you actually do stuff. You know, how many episodes? Where'd that episode go? I don't know.

Lost. And what happened? Well, it wasn't really lost, was it? If none of us know, how lost is it? What the shit? Are you just like saying? Was that podcast filmed in 1969? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? You gotta save us. Did... Thought we specifically said we don't remember what happened yesterday. So, fish form orderly cues in emergencies? That's right. When evacuating through narrow spaces in sketchy situations, schools of neon tetra fish queue up so that they don't collide or clog up the line.

Scientists interpreted this behavior is showing that fish can respect social rules, even in emergency situations, unlike humans. Yeah, we could all be a little more fish-like. Oh, that's a good one. All right. Good. Well, it's that part of the show where we look for those with tears in their eyes who have questions, but only two brave souls who have come to us.

Yes, please, please come up here. With tears in your eyes. And ask. With tears in your eyes and shards in your feet. Please come. Ask. Dear illustrious sirs. with tears in my eyes, I ask you,

whatever happened to RG4? Same thing that happened to RG3. He stopped playing in the NFL because of numerous injuries, and now he just is a broadcaster, and then I think he got fired. Is there an RG5, though? Should there be?

Probably not, though. Yeah, no, we lost all the players we like in all sports burn out real quick, mostly because they'd be better in like a mutant league right like we're like mutants and robots fight each other now that is sports

like a robot fights I could do with three arms do you see that one where the robot ran really fast into the wall and then he like crashed and he like fell backwards yeah that was crazy that's sports yes that's what thank you that's what I'm looking for there you go

yeah oh my god you just started walking forward okay shit You must have a question. Dear illustrious sirs, with tears in my eyes and blood in my hands. I task both of you. I don't see any blood. I task both of you. If you had to kill each other, how would you go about it?

What is your ultimate plan? All right, well, you're probably going to beat me in combat. So. You are wounded, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It would have to be some sort of like Joffrey Baratheon. Whoa, poison? Yeah.

All right. But it wouldn't be like me. It would be someone else. And then I, years later in the like episode eight would be like, tell someone it was me. I got you with an anthrax in the envelope. Moonman knows way too much about a lot of things. I'm a little concerned. Are you saying that in 2003 you would have anthrax us?

Are you playing the long game? Are we not going to die tonight? I don't, I have stuff to do Monday. I can't. That's what we're not lying. The question was. Oh wait, I answered it all right. Yeah, you said you would poison me.

Yeah. And I appreciate that. No problem. In that it's so simple and stupid. You see, what you don't understand, Crendor, is that I wouldn't kill you. I'd kill everyone you loved. And watch you slowly die inside. And that is the death you deserve.

Yeah. I would have killed you before you got the everything. And on my deathbed, when you're like, who killed my family? I'm like, it was me. Right? And I'd get you before you got me. We'd make really good villains. I have, we've often said that we are very good henchmen.

Yeah. We need our very own Hades so we can be panic and pain for that guy. Yeah, we really are the Hercules. Yeah, we're the Hercules villains for sure. Yeah. I'm a volunteer. You, the henchmen for adventure brothers? Oh, gee, no.

No, I want to be Dr. Girlfriend if we're doing that. Right? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. Who can do it better? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Stop it, Crentour.

Oh, stop it. You just got to do, like, Oh, Rocco. That's all right. Yeah, that's pretty good. You're the meatwad? No, you can do Meatwad, though. Oh, I have to do the Meatwrod.

That's it, yeah. I can't. There's levels to it, because you're like, there's Meatwad, and then there's, like, Stitch, and then there's Golem. That's true. Same thing. MeatRow is more like that.

But then Stitch is more loud of Dutch. But then Stitch is more large stitch. Right? And then Ghalem, you have to, like, reach into your gutterol, like, Oh, yes. Yes. I want it. Oh, shit.

Okay. Yeah. All right, precious. So I guess we come to it. sir. What is the big news story of the day? All right. The big news story of the day. Day, day, day, day, day. Day. Day. Day. McDonald's has hundreds of pages of intel on its repeat customers, and you can get a copy of yours.

I found out about this this week. Yeah, I'm aware of this. For most people, the mental calculation to grab a meal for McDonald's is pretty simple. It's relatively cheap. That's not true. Fast and goes down easy. No, no, that's true. No, that's true. Even if it doesn't always feel so good afterwards, which it doesn't. For McDonald's, however, the question of how to keep a customer coming back is far more complicated, requiring the expansive web of corporate surveillance. Woo! That's the stunning revelation. For the shareholders. Rees Rogers, Wired reporter, who recently uncovered a supersized McDosier detailing everything from past or

to loyalty points, and even the codes he scanned from the fast food chains monopoly sweepstakes. Yeah, I read this article. Dude literally was like, well, live in California, and I can legally require companies to send me and information they have on me. And he was like, I'm curious what they, McDonald's has on me.

They sent him 515 pages. I mean, I think it depends on where you live. But yeah, I think you can just be like, I would like to know what you have on me. And apparently they knew everything from, like, how often he would come, how often he would eat McDonald's,

and how... Add it to the next quote list. And then they also knew how likely he would be to return, and it said that he was a 100% return rate. Dang. Yeah. It knew how often he attended... It's like, over the last six weeks,

he's been here 2.16 times. I'm like, holy shit. I mean, he'd probably know that too. Would he? I don't know. Probably. You can just look at your app. Damn. So, I mean, now you could do it.

Well, that is, they did use the app to track him. Yeah. Yeah. resident. Rogers has a legal right to access data compiled on him by private company and to better understand what kind of data McDonald's had on him, Rogers requested a copy of his report from the company's privacy rights center, which contains a form customers can theoretically use to, quote, exercise your privacy rights. The result is a 515 page file which contains specific pieces of personal information about

you that were identified by searching McDonald's systems, which contain information about our customers per the company. For context, 550 pages, is right at the threshold of Yahoo just refreshed. Right at the threshold for a larger FBI dossier. Is that how you say it? Dossier.

That's how you say it, buddy. No. Shut up. Let him say it the way you wants. It's doceeer. It's kind of like a fancy French way to say. It's a dossier. Is French guy here? I don't say, I think French guy's girlfriend's finally got him, dude.

Damn. Had to happen. A file of... of that size is comparable to the Bureau's profile on John Lennon, whose outspoken opposition to the Vietnam War made him a prominent target for deportation by the Nixon administration. In other words, we're now living in a world where... How brave of you. Boo Nixon! He was a bad guy! We love Nixon! In other words...

I think Nixon's injecting everything with testosterone. In other words, we're now living in a world where fast food conduct the type of surveillance on customers that Cold War-obsessed spy agencies once carried out on high-profile political descendants. Descendants? Or dissident. Nope, descendants.

It could be descendants as well. Political descendants. Plus, they were probably doing this shit years ago. You just didn't know about it. Yeah. Yeah. Look at us. We're just on the front line of the corporate wars. Yeah.

Thank you so much for coming for this little bit. And sticking around, because we have got so... We've got so much more for you. Sit back, relax, go get a drink, do whatever makes you happy, and we'll be back in, let's say 10, 15. We'll see you then.