Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 97 - Dewey ASMR

Episode Date: March 17, 2015

The boys return with their very own suspiciously high quality asmr. Also Crendor informs Jesse he's a racist, after learning who gives the best massages. Then they talk about a bunch of sports stuff like they know what they are talking about.

Hello everybody, it's time for Gags and Crandog! This is Crandog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Wake your ass up! It's Gags and Crandog in the morning! Hup-de-du-dee-du-dee!

Crandog in the morning! Hello there everybody, welcome back to Gax Grendor in the morning! I was listening to scalp noises. I was going to bring this up, I was going to call you out, but you did it yourself. Yeah, I'm not ashamed. Right before this podcast, minutes, not even minutes, seconds before yeah so much that it held us back you were like i found this great girl who's doing asmr things but it's not the asian no it's a different girl it's a girl who's like i'm gonna rub your scalp now and then it's like i don't know the girl she's rubbing her scalp i assume they're very sexy lovers, which is awesome.

But at the same time, it sounds like her very sexy lover is, in fact, wearing a wig or has the driest hair, like, driest scalp I've ever seen in my life. It does sound pretty dry, but that makes for better noise. And here's the thing. They could be best friends, but in my mind, they are just. When the scalp massage is done, it is on. It is on. On like Donkey Kong. All I'm saying is you don't give a scalp massage for 35 minutes to someone you ain't doing.

That's all I'm saying. What if you're a hairstylist person? No one is paid that much to give a 35 minute. After a while, there's nothing left to massage. I don't know. After a good 15 minutes, your fingers are tired, right? The only reason why you're doing that is because

Uh-huh, go on. Like, I have my massage lady, and usually she does like a scalp massage, but it's only like a minute. I'm sorry, I'm sorry You have a massage lady? Yeah Like in one of those places Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. A massage lady?

Not like one of those places, but like a hair salon place. And they have like a massage. All right, first off, what places did you think I meant? Because I was just under the assumption that you were getting a massage and I did not know about this. I'm more curious. What did you think I meant? I thought you meant one of those places where they're like oh happy ending couldn't know what's a happy ending

just google it google it kids damn you so okay uh yeah so i go to one place and they had like a bunch of massage people so i was like i want to find someone that's good. So there was one lady. She was just terrible. She used her elbows on my back, and she was just like, this feels good, right? And I was like, ugh. My back was hurting. Then there is this one. Can I ask a question?

Okay. Was she a middle-aged white woman? Yes. Look, my apologies to middle-aged white women everywhere, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you give the worst back rubs. And she kept talking, and I was like, I don't wanna talk, I just wanna get a massage.

I think it's not racist to say middle-aged white women give the worst back rubs. Yeah, I'd say that too. Almost as bad as 18-20 year old white men. Yeah, I'd say that too. Almost as bad as 18 to 20 year old white men. Yeah. And so.

Who think they know what they're doing. They're just mashing flesh like, yeah, this feels good, right? Yeah, sure thing, baby. Breaking necks. But then there was this European woman, probably like in her late 30s. She was all right. I was like, all right, that wasn't bad. It wasn't like amazing.

Well, she's white European, right? Yeah. So that means she's, like, a little more, like, risque and a little less. Like, she's a little less bound by the constraints of normal society. And she's like, I live free. Was she from France? If she's from France, that's, like, a little bit better massage. I don't think she was from France. All right. Was she from France? If she's from France, that's like a little bit better massage. I don't think she was from France.

All right. Was she from Eastern Europe? Yeah, like Eastern Europe. So that's a little bit better than France. See, like the further east you go, the better massage you get. Yeah, she's definitely Eastern. But with that said, still middle-aged white woman. Continue.

So when did we get to – when did you – let's be honest. When did you find your amazingly fingered old Asian lady? When did that happen? Well, she's actually probably like early 40s, very like a spiritual woman, white woman. What? Very like yoga. Like she does hot yoga twice a week for like two hours. But that's an Asian thing though.

No, it's not. Is it? Yoga? Hot yoga. That's close enough. It's hours. But that's an Asian thing though. No it's not. Is it? Yoga? Hot yoga. That's close enough. It's just a hot version of an Asian thing. Well she's just the early 40s white woman and she's just like I do hot yoga because it feels good on my joints and it really helps your mind

and she's like very into like spirituality and like that type of stuff and she like when she'll like she'll talk if you want to talk. If you don't talk she won't talk to you. She knows what she, like when she'll like, she'll talk if you want to talk. If you don't talk, she won't talk to you. She knows what she's doing and she'll like tell you afterwards, like I move the meniscus muscles,

like all these muscles. I don't know what you're talking about. All right, so she's full of shit. Maybe. So what you're saying is she's a crazy person. But even if she is, she's the best massage because it feels good. Well, I have only had the experience of

every time I've gone to get a massage, unless it's an old, and I'm talking like, I'm talking like the kind that walks out and she cracks her knuckles and she's like, I'm ready to go. That's the only time I've had a decent massage. Every other time, I think I have an aversion to, I think maybe my neck muscles or my shoulder muscles,

I think I'm just built tense. Anytime someone touches me there, I think maybe my neck muscles or my shoulder muscles, like, I think I'm just built tense. Like, anytime someone touches me there, I immediately tense up. Immediately. It doesn't matter who you are. And the more you try, the worse it gets. That's weird. I'm just saying, from experience, elderly Asian women know the

way to my back. They can get up in there and just go crazy with it. I'm like, oh, you are so good they know the way that's where i thought the story was going i thought we're gonna relate on something instead i sound like a crazy racist that is what you sound like but you know oh well what are you gonna do you are what you are yeah speaking speaking of what i am i'm a chapped mess i don't know what happened to me. So I woke up today and my lips were like horribly chapped.

Yeah. And I don't know how that happens overnight. But they were horribly chapped. And so all day today, it's one of those like when it hurts to smile kind of things. Yeah. And so, my God, I laughed at something today and my lips started bleeding. What? That's how chapped they were.

Explain this to me. So I went out and got ChapStick, which I rarely have to get ChapStick. So I went out and got ChapStick and put it on. I was like, this should work. It's still just as bad. Oh. I don't know. I think I'm dehydrating from, it might be that damn Coke Life from yesterday.

Might be the Coke Life. It might be that Coke Life. Wouldn't surprise me one bit. I don't know. Coke Life. It's always Coke Life. It's all that damn stevia it's in my system now it's chapping my lips look all I'm saying is I didn't have chapped lips before I drank that

and then I wake up the next day with chapped lips I'm not saying coke life gives you chapped lips but uh you know my old asian Zeus told me it's possible. I just need some tiger dong and rhino tusk and I'll be okay. Yeah.

The old tiger dong. The old tiger dong. Yeah, I like how we started this podcast. People are going to be like, Jesus, Jesse is a horrible person. I think that is racist, though. You know what? Don't judge me. Because race is...

If we look up racism on the dictionary... Uh-huh. Racism. Mm-hmm. Dictionary. I like how of all the people who's gonna look up why I'm a racist, it's you. You son of a bitch. A belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human racial groups determine cultural

or individual achievement involving the idea that one's own race is superior that's the right to dominate others or that particular racial group is inferior to others so all right so technically i'm a horrible racist you are a horrible. It doesn't make it any less true. Yep. Yep. Next we're going to talk about... Listen. All the races get their holidays and stuff. Next we're going to talk about, you know, listen. All the races get their holidays and stuff.

So, like, that's already racist in itself by us celebrating, like, race, like, ethnic race holidays. That's encouraging racism. I like, I like, I think, I think, like, ethnic diversity and holidays is great. Like, I love celebrating other people's holidays, mostly because 99% of them is just a free day to drink. It is all day. Let's be clear. Most, uh,

like ethnically diverse holidays are just an excuse to get wasted. And I drink and eat. If anything, that is what unites us as a people. We all want to just forget. All of us can celebrate and get super drunk together. I think that's beautiful. I think it's a beautiful think that's beautiful i think it's a beautiful thing yeah i think that's a beautiful thing yeah that's all i'm saying racist i know racist you're a racist internet wikipedia you're a racist dictionary

with your words yeah with your words and big terms Yeah strange how all your pages are white Ha Ha Ha Ha Take that rewind it back Little John got the beat that make your booty go whack

Yeah I thought it was smack Doesn't matter Really let's be honest it really doesn't matter it's the same sound Yeah that's true Makes your booty go We all get it So yeah What kind of film is that? ASMR I'm not gonna lie I like how It's the same sound. Yeah, that's true. Makes your booty go. We all get it. So, yeah. What kind of film is that?

ASMR. I'm not going to lie. I like how we got onto massages from ASMR. Oh, yeah. I actually was directed. I don't remember who. Maybe it was you. Someone sent me like an ASMR where this girl goes and reviews old TV shows.

And I don't remember her name because I watched it on my phone while I was at the car wash. And so I don't technically remember what her thing was, but it's this girl and she reviews old TV shows, but ASMR style. I see. She's like,

Today we're going to talk about friends. It's ridiculous. She's like, Joey and Chandler got in trouble in this episode but ross got in worse trouble it's like whoa all right what i was i was into it i was into it i was like this is something i could listen to i asmr creeps me out but when people are telling me something then i get into it like there was this one girl, I don't remember her name, where she got Pokemon cards, and then she went through the Pokemon cards and, like, told you about the Pokemon. I learned something about Pokemon.

I'm not a big Pokemon guy. I never had Pokemon cards. So I learned something about it, and then it was very relaxing. That I can get into. Yeah. That I think is cool, but the ones that are like, I made you a cake. I'm like, this is so creepy. Oh, my God.

Asian woman had another one that had come out the other day. Uh-huh. She gives, like, a museum tour. It's like a tour. And she, like, reads off these, like, I forget what it was. But, like, she, like, flips through pages. And she's like, here we go. And, like, flips through the pages.

Great one. I fell asleep to that. I'm not going to lie. That's weird. It's very weird. It might be, but. But I guess it's no different than me. When I go to bed, I listen to On Point, which is like a news podcast.

And I guess it's on NPR, so it's actually a real show. But they have a podcast version of it. And I listen to that when I go to bed. And I feel like it's the same thing, except mine's not creepy, but informative. And yours is like, I'm going to walk you through a museum. I mean, but mine... Go on....is dedicated to just helping. I bet, now that I think about it, I bet there are people who watch, or I guess listen to this podcast when they go to bed. Yeah, that's true. Oh, we should help people.

Hold on. Crennort, let's help people go to bed. Okay. All right, what are we going to talk about? What is our ASMR going to be? Uh... Should it be like a roleplay one? Yes, of course it's a roleplay one. Okay. All right, what are we going to talk about? What is our ASMR going to be? Should it be like a role play one? Yes, of course it's a role play one. Okay.

Okay, we are going to role play. I'm coming to, I'm in a library, and I'm asking you where to find a book. Okay, that's a good one. Okay. Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, yes. Where can I find the Tropic of Capricorn?

Um, hmm, nobody's really asked for that one in a while. Why are you searching for this? I read online there's hot, steamy sex in it. Hmm, and I take it that's also what you're looking for. I'll take Fifty Shades of Grey if need be. also what you're looking for. I'll take Fifty Shades of Grey if need be. That's a very popular book right now. Hold on, let me just head over to the catalog on the computer here. Let me just type some of these in. Alright, so I'm going to write these down

on a piece of paper. Let me just find a pen here. Do I need to know the Dewey Decimal System? Because I haven't used that since 1989. No, that's actually for if you're in a library from 1940s, but we're in a modern age. Oh, that's good. Oh, thank you so much. The first book is going to be a 908.

Hold on, can you hear? Thank you. You crumpled that paper for some reason, but I'll take it anyway. Yeah, it's kind of rude. So, yeah, 908.1abc. eight dot one a b c pound hashtag i wasn't aware that pound and hashtag were used in libraries uh they are now wow this book must be in the back uh c so yeah it is actually in the back is there an eroticus is this the eroticus section? It's near there But it's also in between the Tropic of Capricorn

Oh that's good I'm just going to rip this post-it note off here Oh hold on Let me get you a little piece of paper You can stick it on it Oh yeah that's a nice one That is super creepy That is super creepy. That is super creepy.

Someone will fall asleep to that. Someone passed out. Someone is down. Yeah, they just passed out. They're down for the count. And then they woke up when they heard a cackle of a witch. That's probably one that I would do. Like, if I had to do an ASMR, it would be like, I'm the witch queen, and I have captions.

It'd be real, like, quiet. See, that's what I fear. When I listen to those, I feel like it lulls you into a sense of calm. And if I did one, mine would be like a witch, like, Welcome to the witch's cauldron. And, you know, keep going. I'm going to put all sorts of vegetables in there with you it would just like freak people out that's what i would do because i'm an asshole yeah i mean

you know yellow yellow so i think with that we should go to chop the guy was inside what What? Grandor, how's that traffic out there? Well, up here in the chapter 7, it appears that down below it's quite snowy. A lot of snow going around, but there's going to be the warm-up hitting us pretty soon. But until then, there's backups all the way down the 485 and the 652. People are just trying to get out of their cars and just walk to work and school. It's insane. Except Aaron Hildreth. Aaron Hildreth, he's got a snowmobile. He's just cruising down the street.

He's hopping cars. He's flying to work. Not flying, you know, snowmobiling. But it was just a word of expression expression of words back to you thanks crendor can i just tell you speaking of traffic yes my god there have been a lot of police chases in la recently oh yeah there has been dude got like a pickup truck and he was driving crazy and the cops finally stopped him when he crashed into another car.

Yeah, I saw that one. And then they all surrounded him. And here's the best part. Because the car chase was over, once they surrounded him, the news just like turned it off. Yeah, it turned it off. We don't care anymore. It was like, that guy could have a gun or something. Like, who knows what horrible thing is about to happen. I know.

Shouldn't you as the news be covering this? And they're like, meh. Commercial break. All right. So they go on like a 25 minute commercial break. Then the most recent one, a guy stole a moving truck. And because the moving truck has a regulator on it, the highest you could go was 60 miles per hour. And he couldn't go any faster.

And so it's the slowest slow speed chase ever. Sir, please just pull over. You're going 20 miles an hour. Get away from these coppers. It was like that Simpsons episode where they're like, he's slowly getting away. It's like brrrr. It was like walking next to the cop. Like, please, sir, get out.

It was like brrrr. It was just like that. It was ridiculous. Like, please, sir, get out. He was like. It was just like that. It was ridiculous. And there was the llamas. Yes. Then the llamas. I don't. L.A. has been a mess lately.

Just a mess. But in Boston, it's supposed to. Oh, wait. Hold on. Hold on. Let's go to the weather desk with Crendor. Crendor, how's the weather in Boston? See if we can cover it.

We can cover it right now. Boom. Well, weather today. I'm going to give Woppy some time off. 42 degrees on this day, and cloudy skies, high 42. On Thursday, we're going to have some chance of snow. I heard the funniest thing the other day, and I wonder if this is something that could actually be true. So in L.A., we constantly have a water shortage I heard the funniest thing the other day, and I wonder if this is something that could actually be true. Yeah. So, in LA, we constantly have a water shortage because we're in a freaking desert.

We're like in a weird oasis in a desert. We're constantly out of water. And so we have to pump it in from Northern California, which means most of California is now out of water. Someone said, and I don't know if this is true. I don't know if this is even possible. Yeah. Someone said, and I don't know if this is true, I don't know if this is even possible, wouldn't it be feasible to take all of the northeast snow that they get every year,

Buffalo, Boston, New York, all of it, and they just push into rivers or push into the ocean or mound up until it melts, wouldn't it be possible to collect that snow and build pipes that go from the east coast to the west coast and bring water out here? and build pipes that go from the east coast to the west coast and bring water out here. And I thought that is an expensive waste of money, but it would solve the water problem, wouldn't it? They could also, like, bottle the water. I don't think that would be safe.

Extra snow water. I don't think that would be safe at all. That is the least safe thing. It's just like rain. If you stand out in the rain long enough, you have that weird rain smell. I like rain smell. Because it's all chemicals and it's like all the gas that we put up

in the... Well, that's your shitty LA rain. Screw you, Chicago rain! It's just as bad. No, it's like half as bad. Strongly disagree. Trust us, we are weather experts. Yeah. We're very aware of what we're talking about. I just thought it was

an interesting idea. It's obviously impossible. Unless. And will never aware of what we're talking about. I just thought it was an interesting idea. It's obviously impossible. Unless. And will never happen. But it's just one of those things like you almost wish that it was possible. Unless it is possible. It would have already happened if it was possible. If it was possible with money, with all that, it would have already happened.

I don't know about that. Somebody might not have just been smart enough like us. Clearly. Good thing Woppy had the day off have just been smart enough like us. Clearly. Good thing Woppy had the day off or he'd be like, idiots. Yeah. All right, well, then let's go to the sports desk. Crandor, what's happening in sports? Sports, I found more crazy sports stories that you've never heard of.

Okay, let's hear it. All right, let's see. We have a good one here. French soccer club suspected of bribing opponents with halftime wine delivery. Of course. Of course. When the French fix soccer matches, they apparently do it in the most French way possible. During their 2013 League 2 campaign, Nimes was constantly in the battle to avoid relegation which would have forced them to play the 2014

season in league 3 what did Nimes do to avoid such a horrible fate? they allegedly made a deal with KN so their game on the second last match day of the season ended in a mutually beneficial 1-1 tie according to

Equip, the deal was set up 48 hours before the match and was sealed at halftime when cases of wine from Nemez were delivered to the K-N locker room. Cases of wine. Not just bottles. Cases. They got super drunk.

Yes, they did. I guess that's a hell of a way to end a season. Yeah. I mean, it's like, whatever. We're making money. Yeah, man. I like how you're like, wacky sports stories, and it's about soccer. Things I've never heard of. It's about soccer.

Here's one. Japan gets caught juicing its baseballs for the second year in a row. Juicing its baseballs for the second year in a row. Juicing its baseballs? Yes. They say in 2013, Nippon professional baseball commissioner Ryozo Kato admitted the league's balls

had secretly been juiced. He was forced to resign. What does that even mean? You've yet to explain what juiced baseballs are. They say like a hair in a swab. Juicing I always thought was like steroids. So the baseballs are on steroids?

It doesn't say how they juice a baseball. How does one... We're going to have to look this up. Juice baseball theory. So what is juicing a baseball? They were... It's a theory suggested by

MLB, Major League Baseball, during the 90s and early 2000s, that the balls were altered in order to increase scoring. It was said that a juiced ball bounces off the bat at a higher speed. What? Oh! Yeah, so apparently this theory extends back to the 90s and early 2000s when people are saying that the balls themselves were juiced in order to keep the home run records going higher and higher. So while the players were juicing, the balls were being juiced too.

Oh, damn. What? Did we just crack a code? That's a double juice. Did we just break into the mystery of the juicy balls? I think we did. I think we did. I think we did. Cox and Krendor and the juicy ball mystery.

My, those balls sure are juicy. I think baseball would be better off juicing their balls. I'm going to let you know. I'm going to let you know right now. I've said for years, let pro players take what they want. Let the pro players do however they want to get ready to play a game, let them go. Yeah. I do not mind if football becomes giant, gargantuan freaks of muscle just bashing into each other.

That's entertainment. Yeah. All we really want is gladiatorial sports like back in ancient Rome, except we're, you know, we're like, oh, no, they should wear helmets. Get rid of the helmets. Just make their heads. Give them an exoskeleton. Science.

Get them exoskeletons. Make them giant bug men who battle for our entertainment. Get rid of the ball. It's one of their heads. Cockroach can live without its head. They're cockroach men. They use their own heads to score points. You're welcome.

You're welcome. Baseball, give them robot arms. And they use their hands as the bats. Oh, my God. Rip off their arms. Give them bats for hands. Why am I the only one to think of this? Then when they catch things, it's even more impressive.

Now it's just too easy to catch it. They just like eye the ball and they catch it. They have to stick gloves on the end of their bat hands. Soccer, football, all they are are giant human feet. And the balls are like huge. And they have to bounce. Giant feet that bounce. Why am I the only one to come up with this stuff?

I'm not going to lie. I've been reading this article and not paying attention at all. It's probably for the best. I looked up baseball speed. Apparently, they're trying to speed up baseball. Of course they are because baseball is super boring and slow. It's true. It's like people turn it on when they want to fall asleep in the summertime.

The only time I like baseball is if I get to go to a game with friends, and I'll let you know right now, no one there has ever focused on the game. It's like you're looking at your phone, you're eating a hot dog, you're drinking a beer, talking with your friends, and then a play happens, you're like, yeah! Back to the phone. Like, it is

so boring. Yeah, it is pretty boring. It's like... Here's the thing. You really have to understand the finer points of baseball to really get into the strategy of it. The strategy between the pitcher and the catcher and the different...

You have to be really into it to give a shit about that. Football, on the other hand, you can easily figure out the strategy going on there. Once you figure it out, you're like, oh, this is interesting. That's what keeps it interesting. It's like, how are they going to do this? And what are they going to do this? They're going to there. Yeah. Like, it's not, and then once you figure it out, you're like, oh, this is interesting. Like, that's what keeps it interesting, is like, how are they going to do this, and what are they going to do this? And then you're always.

What are they going to pass? Yeah. And everyone seems to know the right answer, right? Yeah. And I think many times we're justified, like at the end of the Super Bowl, when everyone in the world's like, you're an idiot for that play. But it seems very easy. And I think soccer, football is very easy to follow, because it continually is going

on. It's fast-paced. You know what's happening, right? Hockey, same way, right? Or even just basketball. It's like, shot the ball in the mask. Yeah, baseball, very easy to figure out. Basketball, very easy to figure out.

Baseball is just like, all right, well, John Johnson is coming up to bat. And on deck is Paul Paulson. Strange names to be on the same team. He's batting a 284 this season. Yeah. He's hit the ball a bunch and they've played 12,000 games, so at this point in the season, no one really

gives any shits. Yeah, really got injured three times this season. He's come back with those strides each time, really making some big differences out there. Seriously, baseball was like the boys of summer now baseball goes from like march into october yeah it literally lasts almost a year it's ridiculous no one cares that and then when it like the playoffs come they're all like and this one game will decide everything it's like oh yeah all right and then people care people and then people care baseball People. Yeah, then people care.

Baseball is one of those sports where people don't care to the playoffs. That's what I do. I do that with baseball and basketball. Same. There are too many games. There are too many games of baseball and basketball. Soccer, hockey, football. There's just enough games to keep you interested and

just enough games to make the season short. Yeah. Like every game feels feels important mm-hmm not when it not when it comes to the thing with like I think the basketball and hockey season are just as long but like hockey you can like watch a hockey game just feel really excited while with basketball it's like and it's come down to the final two minutes and we'll see who wins the fouling each other battle and making free throws it's like i'll never i'll never forget as long as i live it's one of those like my dad till the day he dies will continue to bring up this moment and i will remember it forever too basketball the final two

minutes are the longest two minutes in sports history. Longer than football, any other two-minute period in sports. One time when I was younger, I went to a basketball game, and I think it might have been Virginia Tech versus the Cardinals maybe. I don't remember who was playing at the time. But the final two minutes and whatever the home team was, was up by I don't even know how many points, a great amount of points. Two minutes to go. My dad looks over and is like, it ain't over till it's over.

And in that two minutes, it went on, I want to say, like, 20 minutes. And the other team came back and won. And, like, just fouling people over and over and over again. And, like, smack. It was ridiculous. Yeah. And I was like, well, that proved a

point. That is a life lesson I will always remember. It's because, yeah, that proved a point. That is a life lesson I will always remember. It's because that's the problem with basketball, really. But then, like, you look at something like hockey, and when it gets to the final two minutes, they're like, and they're taking men off the ice, and they're putting men on the ice, and they're like, oh, they got six on five, and he shoots it, and it's going back out, and you're just like, oh, my God.

I think that's why I enjoy hockey the most is because it's literally there are moments where, like like they pulled the goalie Another guy out there There's one guy is like an NBC or something his name is doc and he just gets like he's like oh He like makes that noise like 50 times in a game. He's like oh My favorite is the Canadian guy, and I'm trying to remember his name. Don Cherry. Holy moly, look this guy up.

His suits are amazing. Oh my god. Don Cherry is the hockey night guy for Canada. And I'm not sure what channel that is. Maybe CBC? I don't know what it is. It's like, yeah, CBC. But he't know what it is. It's like, yeah, when it's CBC. Yeah, CBC. But he is

legitimately, like, the most entertaining person in the world. And his suits are hilarious. And he, like, just Google Don Cherry suits. Oh my god, this one he's wearing a big green hat and a green neon suit. He's amazing.

He's amazing. Also, you know what I will also say? What? Canada, best sports coverage. Hands down. I'm going to tell Americans you're doing it wrong. In fact, they used to have two guys in Canada who I think were on the Canadian version of SportsCenter.

Yeah, it was them. Who are amazing. And then because they were so good, America stole them, which is what we usually do. Yeah, they got bought by like Fox or something. Yeah, that's what we usually do. But they're amazing. They're really, really funny guys. I'm sure Fox destroyed them. I haven do. Yeah, they got bought by, like, Fox or something. Yeah, that's what we usually do, but they're amazing. They're really, really funny guys. I'm sure Fox destroyed them.

I haven't seen them since they were bought. Yeah, they're gone now. But when I used to live near Canada, I'd watch them all the time because they were hilarious. I know. The clips of those guys online still, to this day, are funny. Yeah. And without a doubt, Canada, best sports commentary. They can make curling look amazing.

It's Dan and Jay. Jay Onrate and Dan O'Toole. Canada, best sports commentary. They can make curling look amazing. It's Dan and Jay. Jay Onrate and Dan O'Toole. Do they still do stuff? I don't know, but if you look on YouTube, you'll find a bunch of stuff with them just being funny on sports. Yeah, they're great. They're great. It's one of the few joys in watching sports that I have.

As a nerd, entertaining sports is highly valued by me. 90% of the time I'm like, ugh. Apparently they're on Fox Sports Live now. They're still going. They're essentially like us on sports shows. Yes, they're the non-content of sports shows. They just don't care. They do what they do.

They make fun of people. Yeah, they're great. And they don't do that stupid shtick where it's like Boom! Ba-ba-da-ba-ding-dong! 25 points for the night for Donnie John! Yeah It's like, holy shit, SportsCenter, we get it

Everyone on your show must have a catchphrase now We understand And wham-a-ding-dong, he gets a home run there Yeah, it's like, nope Nope Sorry Wow, he gets a home run there. Yeah, it's like, nope. Nope. All right. Wow, that was a long but involved sports segment. That was a long sports, yeah.

Yeah, wow. All right, well, what's our big news story of the day? Big news story of the day. Now we know why Louisville, Kentucky has smelled like mildew for a few weeks. I'm going to have to call my parents. Yes, Mom and Dad. It's because my parents. Yes, mom and dad. It's because my parents. This would be a big problem for me.

Officials with Louisville Metro Air Pollution Control District say they've identified the source of the bad odor that residents have been complaining about for a week. The agency told news outlets a naturally occurring chemical in the soil called griosmin is to blame for a musty mildew-like smell that has led to dozens of complaints. Air District Spokesman Tom Nord said the chemical has a low odor threshold and has been exacerbated by the wet, muddy conditions in the wake of the recent snowfall and rain. Nord said the smell is not toxic and isn't coming from industrial sites. He said the Louisville Water Company has dealt with Geosmin previously and told the Pollution Control District that it might be to blame. Uh-huh. I feel like that's a lie, but... It does seem like a lie. I also feel like when they...

Driving into certain parts of Louisville, there is... I think there's one part that's like the meat packing district, like the pig district, whatever it's called. Literally just, it's vilely stinks of pig crap. Yeah. And that's like in the heart of a city. Like, oh yeah, sure, yeah, it's definitely

it's mildew ground. It's the ground. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's it. Yeah, no. Well, I'm glad my parents weren't involved. I imagine the article would have started out like, Jack and Susan Cox thought it would be a day like any other day. Smells like old libraries in here.

What? Like it smell like mildew. What? I like it Oh sure You know what That goes back to our ASMR Oh yeah

Our old library ASMR With the dewy decimal system That uses pounds And hashtags And stars If you smell really hard You can really smell That mildewy decimal system

Nice nice I think that's where we end I think that's where we end Yeah And as always To be continued.