Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 98 - The Insurgent Podcast

Episode Date: March 26, 2015

Jesse and Crendor return to talk about the only thing that could get Jesse to record a podcast while on a laptop overseas....

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog! Cox and Crendog in the morning! In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio! Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning! Cox and Crendog in the morning! Welcome to the whatever time zone.

Also known as the Twilight Zone. Oh, shit. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. That's where we broadcast from. Live from the Twilight Zone. It's Cox and Crandor. That sounds where we broadcast from. Live from the Twilight Zone. It's Cox and Crendor. That sounds about right, actually. That would explain the creepy echo in the background.

Like, oh. And the weird-looking bean ghost. Yeah. I'm the sound effect guy. So you can just start introducing the Twilight Zone, and I'll be your sound effect guy. Go. It's Saturday night, just start introducing the Twilight Zone and I'll be your sound effect guy. Go. It's Saturday night and welcome to the Twilight Zone. Featuring Demon Bob.

He has a problem with light. I'm a demon. And that one guy that nobody likes that got stuck here in a time traveling device. I'm the guy nobody likes that got stuck here in a time traveling device. I'm the guy nobody likes who got stuck here. A time-traveling device. And that one girl from that movie that disappeared after it bombed.

I'm the girl who likes pancakes. Yeah. Perfect. Nailed it, is what we did. Yep. Nailed it. That's what we did. So, for those wondering why I have an echoey thing here, it's because I'm in a kitchen in London, pursuing my career as a professional chef.

Yeah. It's what I'm doing. That's not at all what I'm doing, but I'm on a laptop, and this is the best you're going to get, is an echoey kitchen vibe. So, deal with it for now. But this is an important episode. We had to do it immediately. It needed to be done. Mostly because

this episode is devoted to Divergent. Yeah. The sequel. Divergent 2. Insurgent. Insurgent Boogaloo. The movie event of whatever month this is. March. whatever month this is March

Whatever month this is, it's the movie event of that And I'm excited I don't know how to describe how bonkers this movie is But I think the best setup to describe how bonkers it is Was an ad that ran before the movie started here So you know how in the States we have movie trailers, but there's sometimes

advertisements before the movies, right? So I was in a UK theater and I got an ad that scared the shit out of me. Literally the most horrifying ad I've ever seen. You can probably Google it, look it up. I think it's called like the tortoise and

the hare ad maybe like it's a city ad for like the the london something look i don't know but let me describe it to you let me describe it to the world okay so the ad starts out with a piece of paper that says like come to the tortoise and the hare party tonight right yeah and so it starts out with a group of kids who are wearing horrifying rabbit masks that look like they're out of bioshock it's frightening very frightening all right so you have the the hare people who are like these people dressed up these weird crazy ass masks and they're wild and crazy and they're jumping through the streets and having a party crazy kids and then there's a tortoise people and tortoise people are just taking it slow trying to get to the party on time,

like, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. And so it goes back and forth, back and forth, between the tortoise people and the hare people. And, you know, you get that idea of what it's about, right? Like, the hare people are the wild, crazy people that are going to go to this party, and the tortoise people are like, we'll get there eventually.

Meanwhile, in the background is this prestigious, British-sounding dude who's like, The tale of the tortoise and the hare. The hare was fun-loving and challenged anyone to a race. No one would accept, for the hare was so fun- It's like that in the background. But it's this weird modern-day party kid thing where one group is in the hair outfit and one group is in the tortoise outfit yeah and the guy's like the tortoise said i'll challenge him and it's like

you don't know what you're watching right it's horrifying yeah and then at one point one of the hair kids jumps out into the street like he's a crazy party animal and gets hit by a car. And then it flashes like it's like this crazy screech, like David Lynch movie moment. Yeah. And then all the hair kids are like sitting there and they pull up their mask and they're like crying. And the tortoise kids are like walking by looking at them with their creepy tortoise mask.

And it's like, what the shit did I just watch? And it's like, watch where you go kids. Yeah. And it's, it's like an ad for like transportation in London. Like, I don't know. It's so freaking bonkers.

It scared the shit out of me. I was like, whoa. You can find it on YouTube. I'm positive of it. Go watch it. It is crazy. You'll be like, what the hell did I just watch? I sat in the theater like, I the hell did I just watch? I sat

in the theater like, I don't know what I've seen. Speaking of sitting in the theater, it was me, in the theater, it was me, women, an Asian dude, and an old guy that I think was with his kids, I think. That's it. Yeah. It was all

girls. Yeah. And everyone was very excited. They all sat down they were all very excited to see it but the people in front of us were like you know the first one wasn't that good but i have hopes for this one boy were they dashed oh man oh man how do we even start with this um i would say if you haven't seen diverivergent, the first movie, go back, listen to our podcast about the original because it's needed. To even understand where this movie comes from. This movie's so bonkers. All right, so last we left our heroes.

They're getting away on the train. Yeah, they were getting away on the train to what I thought was the, like, outside beyond the wall. Yeah. Like, isn't that what they hinted at? That's what I kind of thought. Yeah, I thought they were going to, like, go outside the wall. And that was sort of, like, the end of the first one. I was like, oh, shit, that might be cool.

Nope. Because apparently the beginning starts with them on a farm. I guess this is the one group we never saw. The, uh... Amnity? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, like, the farmer people, and they're, like, super hippie peace people. Yeah.

And the very first scene, this is what I wrote down, because there's a scene at the beginning which is, like, a, um... I guess, like like a dream sequence. Which is her tripping balls because she feels guilty over everything. Basically everything that happened to Katniss is happening to this girl. Because she's like, everyone I know is dead. That kind of thing. But when the movie finally comes to real life, the first time we see this girl, Triss.

She is in a white nightie. And it hit me while watching this, I wrote this down where does one procure a white a pure white nightie in the post apocalypse I just had that question because it didn't make any sense

we're not even in two minutes into this movie and I'm questioning everything about it especially when she's been wearing grey and stuff her whole life. Yes, everyone's been wearing gray and, like, the different colors of their factions. It makes, at this point, it makes

no sense. Meanwhile, the Amity faction, they're just hippies. They wear whatever they want. But still, where does one find a pure white, obviously Clorox bleached nightie. Like, it makes no sense. It makes no sense.

Yeah. But, so she wears that, and she walks out into the balcony and, you know, does this whole thing. And we learn that they've been given amnesty by Amnity or whatever. Yeah. And the whole cast is there. So we have, again, just to remind everyone We have main girl

Older main guy who is probably too old for main girl Yeah Malfoy Dark haired Malfoy And The brother And then the dad The dad who was

The older guy's father And they all escape together At the end, the dad who was the older guy's father. And they all escaped together at the end of the first movie. So we're in this hippie world and there's, I guess, I don't even know how long they've been there. It feels like they just got there, but the woman who runs the place is like, you've been here for a while now. And I'm like, I don't know that I believe that, but okay. And so I guess they're trying to fit in, but Malfoy... They're just too violent.

Yeah, Malfoy has to keep harassing this girl who saved his life numerous times. And she is still furious over the death of her friend. First off, her parents, which she watched die in front of her. And then this one dude that she killed in order to save herself, who was her friend.

Yeah. And so she's all torn up inside, and Malfoy, whatever his name is, douchey, black-haired Malfoy, who, I'll be honest, might be my favorite character in the movie. He's the best. He's in Whiplash, so I kept seeing him as the drummer boy. I was like, yeah, go drum guy. Yeah, he's clearly the most entertaining character in this movie. Yeah.

And so he harasses her to the point where she goes nuts and assaults him with a knife. And then the lady who runs Amity is like, I want to see both of you in my office. So they go up to the office and she scolds them and she's like, I don't think I can trust you to ever do this again. But, you know, Amity, we forgive, so I'll give you one more chance. And I'm like, oh, lord. So here's my assumption at this point. They're going to show more of them trying to get along in this society and show more character development and all that stuff. Yeah.

False. False. Yeah, very false. There's one thing this movie doesn't like. It's explaining things and going deeper. Explaining anything. This is maybe, I don't know, 10 minutes into the film. Maybe.

Maybe. And then we learn that the chick from Titanic has discovered some crazy box. A box that was found in Abnegation. Is that who it is? Yeah, whoever main girl's parents. Yeah, the people who used to wear all gray and like, don't look at yourself in the mirror, right? Yeah. Whatever, her mother was hiding a magic box.

And so, Macklemore, Evil Macklemore, finds it. Oh, by the way, besides Evil Macklemore, now there's another dude, we'll call him Blacklemore. He basically takes over Macklemore's role. Yeah, he does. I mean, he essentially is this other

character who takes over. We'll explain why later, but he takes over his role. Yeah. So they discover this crazy box. Artifact box. Yeah, and this artifact box is what's going to save the world or destroy it. And so Titanic Girl's like, I need to find every single divergent because they're the only ones who can unlock all the powers. Because in order to unlock it, you have to go into this virtual reality world and complete all five of the different groups. Yeah. And only someone who's Divergent can do that.

Which is very funny because if this was any other movie, she'd be like, we have to find this girl Triss. But because it's the night divergent world They're like just find us any of these people Who are the ones Yeah but she is the one They just don't say it Oh later on in the movie just to skip ahead They have a scanner

They develop a scanning technology that gives you the percentage Of being the one Yeah So they start scanning people and he's like, oh, you're only 10% and he shoots a dude in the head. Evil Macklemore is very evil. He shoots a dude

and he's like, you're only 10%. And then he finds this one little girl and she's like, only 40%, right? Yeah. And then they put it on Tris and it's like,

100%, we've never seen this before. So unbelievable. It's like she's a well-rounded human being. Like we said when we reviewed the last movie, this movie's like The Matrix, except instead of the one, there are many the ones, but she's the most the one of the ones. Yeah. Like, there are many the ones, but she is the most the one. It is so silly.

Like, 101%. Yeah. It is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen And so Going back to where we were They now have this box And so She says find me all the diversions

So they go out to all the different groups and factions And It just so happens While they're up in this woman's office Being chastised for you know Acting out Yeah Macklemore and his crew

Roll up in I guess SUVs, question mark? And the way they roll into town is so funny that I had to write it down. I just wrote down in big bold letters, fences. Because that's, that's, it was so ridiculous. So they drive into town in these SUV things, but not down the road. They just drive through the countryside running over every fence. I'm just like, we're here.

Whoever, I guess, filmed this movie thought we needed to see a scene of them running over multiple fences. There are many takes and cuts of them just rolling over fences. Yeah. It's like them running over a fence, them coming in on the road, them running over a fence, them coming in on the road, them running over a fence and they're like, we're here. It's ridiculous.

It's just like one of them driving parallel to each other and then just crossing paths like, whoa, we're coming in, man. Yeah, they're driving crazy to get there and it's like like why would you drive like that it's completely unnecessary they're going nuts this one guy driving it he's just like crazy carl or some shit he's just like oh boy he's just going crazy in there yeah they're they're not even

like it blows my mind not till later in the movie do they get really violent when they hunt for Divergence. At this point, they're just looking. Yeah. They could just be like, we're looking for Divergence. Instead, they're like... Yeah. They have no idea if any of them are even here, but they're just treating it like they're about to go on a manhunt that they found. I was going through my notes right now and I just completely missed something.

So before this scene even happens, there's a moment where Triss, in order to, I guess, shed her past, cuts her hair. Oh, yeah. And she cuts... Her hair's very long and so she cuts it very short for this movie.

So she cuts her hair. And as... And this cracked me up in the theater. I laughed out loud. As she slices the first lock of her hair off, a bird, a bird goes, ah, in the background. And it's a bunch of birds. Oh, wow. They're all like, ah, ah, ah.

It makes no sense. I assume because it's like her tattoo that she got from the first movie. I have no idea. Because now you can actually see it on her neck, like that her tattoo that she got from the first movie. I have no idea. Because now you can actually see it on her neck, like that bird tattoo that she got. I think maybe that's what it's supposed to symbolize. But it made no sense in that moment. Because really, the most of the movie makes no sense.

So, Macklemore and crew roll up, and everything seems pretty calm the um dad of the older dude is still downstairs and he's like golly gee man these guys are gonna cause some trouble and all that something like i don't know he says something they're like stop trying to question us or and that's like the only thing yeah no he he has like three lines in the movie this main character from the first movie has three lines in this one. He's like, um, yeah, he says something about like, you know, I'm the guy from the other faction,

so, you know, don't give me any sass. You know, that kind of stuff. Yeah. And they're like, and so, all the main characters are upstairs, and they're like, we gotta get out of here. And so they do the douchiest mean thing that I've ever seen main characters do. They turn to the Malfoy kid, and they're like, we gotta get out of here. And so they do the douchiest mean thing that I've ever seen main characters do. They turn to the Malfoy kid, and they're like, we'll go on our own.

You do your own thing. And he's like, what? And so the Malfoy kid's like, alright, sure. Runs to the balcony and goes, hey, they're all up here. Which, I'll be honest, I would have done the same thing. If my crew just ratted me out, I be like yeah no they're all up here guys Come get them And so they run away

And all three of them are like Booking it through the woods Like Macklemore and team are like chasing after them And by the way I've never seen a man run so fast I think the only person I've ever seen Run as fast as Macklemore Is Movies where Tom Cruise has to run fast. Yeah.

Like, I've never seen anyone with that much passion for running. He's running through the woods, like, outrunning all of his, like, dudes with machine guns and stuff. He's just running, like. He's just, like, so focused on his running. Yeah, he wants to get them so bad. He's like a robot. so focused on his running. Yeah, he wants to get them so bad. It's like a robot. And they

manage to get to a train, which again, where the fuck are all these trains coming from? I don't know. This is the post-apocalypse. There are trains everywhere. Oh, and also, in that scene, it suffered from some hardcore stormtrooper, like, fallacy. Oh, where they all started shooting their weapons and hit nothing but trees?

Yeah. And then somehow she's shooting or he's shooting, and they're, like, dropping them, like, easy. Like, all right, we'll just pick, like, eight of them off, yet 15 people that are, like, trained soldiers can't hit shit. Yeah, they're all supposed to be from the exact same group that they're from, and many of them are trained much longer than Triss has. Yeah. Triss was only there for, like, a few weeks at most, maybe. Yeah. I don't know what the...

So, yeah. So, they managed to get on this train. And then back at the end, I love it, where he like shoots at the train for no reason, like twice. It's like, damn. His angry shooting is like, pop, pop, pop, pop. And he's like, argh. It's like, why are you even shooting the train?

So, they get on this train. So they get on this train, and on the train, they meet the people who have no faction, the factionless. Which, again, as we discussed in the first movie, makes no sense. In the post-apocalypse, why would you doom people to a life of homelessness when you need them to survive as a society? It makes no... Like, oh, well, you don't fit into any faction, so you're factionless. Yeah, you're worthless. No, there's gotta be things they can do.

Yeah. Like, come on. They just leave them to die? It makes no sense. Like, and then they have a whole other faction, like we said, the, um,

Abnegation, whose job is to look after them. So you're wasting a whole other group of people to take care of people who have no place. It doesn't, it makes no sense. Zero sense is place. Yeah. It makes no sense.

Zero sense is made. Yeah. So, like, they hop on the train, right? And they're just like, bam, we're here. Then all these people, like, come out of the train, like, corridors, like, hello. Oh, yeah. They're all, like, smuggling goods. They're all, like, Han Solos.

And you're wondering, like, where the hell do all these goods come from? Yeah. Where did you these goods come from? Where did you steal these things from? Yeah, how did you steal these things? It seems like it would be impossible to do so, considering there's no resources in the post-apocalypse. Where are you getting this stuff from? Where did this train come from? None of these questions are answered, by the way.

These guys are like, well, look who it is. A bunch of kids. We're going to beat you up. And they proceed to one of the most unnecessary fight scenes I think I've ever seen in a movie. People die. Like, many people are killed. Many people are killed. Like, all right, it's on. It's like a hardcore fight.

Dudes are getting pushed out of the train, getting their heads snapped. Like, it is unnecessarily violent. Yeah. And you're like, how did this fight start? Why did this fight start? And then the brother, who at this point is pretty much like, he's the weakling guy who's like, oh, I'm not cut out for this. Yeah.

A dude tries to kill him. He kills the dude in retaliation, right? He kills a man. Yeah. 20 seconds later, his sister is being choked out by this guy. And you figure, well, oh, now he has, like, the blood lust and he can kill anyone, right? Like, that's going to be his character arc. Like, he's going to become totally different.

No. He just sits there. He stands there. He sits there and watches, like, freaked out. And then the boyfriend saves Triss. And then the guy's like, I'm so sorry. I couldn't kill him. I couldn't kill him.

Well, you just killed a guy. You literally just killed a guy. Yeah. And like your adrenaline's pumping. You're like, ugh, ugh. Like, you're not going to stay in there and be like, ugh. Yeah. It was, like, whatever.

So then all the remaining faction lists gather around. The main leader's like, which, by the way, they were all fighting the main leader. How he lived through that. Everyone else got their, like, butts kicked, whatever. So he's like, well, now we're going to finish you off. And then four, I can't remember his real name, Tobias to something. It's like Tobias. He's like, well, you know, you're looking for me.

And he's like, what? Oh, my God, we totes are. And then they're like, we're going to take you to our leader. And then they're like we're gonna take you to our leader bias and then they're like yeah and he's like it's me and they're like oh damn yeah they're all like we've been looking for you it's like whoa lives could have been spared you could have just got on the train and been like hey i'm tobias like oh sweet you murdered many innocent people for no reason this is absolute. He just hopped on the train.

They said, who are you? He's like, oh, dude, I'm Tobias. It's good seeing you. He's like, oh, yeah, sweet. Let's go. That's all that had to happen. Like 20 people got killed. That's so dumb.

So, oh, by the way, if we hadn't mentioned, when Macklemore and crew roll up into the Amity Village, they, like, knock out the dad. That's the last time we see him for the rest of the movie. Except for the very, very end. That's the last. So he's had maybe, a main character from the first movie has, like, two lines. Yeah. And he's gone. Yep. And he's gone But in replacement when we get to the faction list We learn so we get off the train

And the faction list leader Appears And it's this very attractive young woman Who I would say is maybe like 33 Maybe And Tobias walks up to her The main guy walks up to her

And is like Hey nice to see you. You suck. And she's like, I've been waiting for you, baby. And I'm like, oh, shit. Is that his ex-girlfriend? Right? Because they look about the same age.

And he's like, this is my mother. She's like, what? She seriously looks like she's in her late 20s, early 30s. Yeah, there's no way she is his mom. In a billion years, is she his mom? Yeah. And so he's like, this is my mother. And so she tries to,

they spend the next 20 minutes, I don't even know, trying to make a backstory about how the faction lists have been hoarding weapons and gathering an army together in order to go defeat the chick from Titanic because, you know, whatever reasons.

And she wants to take over. And Tobias is like, of course you do because then you'll be in power when it's all done. And Triss is like, good, let's kill this bitch because she killed my family. And Thor's like, no, I'll never do it. Whatever. You'll never do it, bitch. And so I guess as a sign of good faith. Oh, by the way, there's a really great scene.

It might be one of my favorite scenes in the movie, where Triss is laying in bed with Thor, and the mom is, like, watching them sleep. Oh, yeah. And Triss wakes up, and the mom starts talking to him, like, you know, I used to watch him when he was a kid, and it's so good, right? And she goes...

Like, she says something, I'm not sure what she says, I don't remember, but when Triss rolls over, it's the dead dude That she killed from the first movie And she wakes up and it's a dream And I was like, that's actually a pretty cool scene But the basic gist is that They decide they're going to go find

Their friends from Dauntless And go see if they're okay And she's like, well, they're at the Kander place Kander are the lawyers who can never Lie, they all have to tell the truth She's like you go there and you'll find your team there and that's where they're hiding out which by the way how could an entire faction hide out at another faction without the chick from titanic knowing yeah like that makes no sense so yeah she has like control over like every fact Yeah she runs the council how could she

Not know where people were But so anyway They go to Kander while on the way Her brother's like I can't I'm not good at this I can't do this anymore And so he leaves the question is To go where where would he go It makes literal no sense

Why he would go with them out into the wilderness Why not stay with the factionless? If you're just gonna stay behind, just stay with the factionless. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense why he would leave. I thought he was gonna stay with the factionless. That's what I thought he was, like, saying. And I was like, wait. He's not? He's going

somewhere else. He's like, I'm just gonna go now. And they're like, okay. Bye. So then Triss and Four have this conversation where she's like, oh, my life's they're like, okay. Bye. So then Triss and Thor have this conversation where she's like, oh, my life's falling apart around me. And he's like, hang in there. We're gonna get through this together.

Like, okay. Imagine you're watching, like, Game of Thrones and just, like, you're in a scene with, like, there's Robb Stark and, like, Ned Stark, like, all these guys. And then Robb Stark all of a sudden is with like, there's Robb Stark and like Ned Stark, like all these guys. And then Robb Stark all of a sudden is just like, all right, I'm going to go now. And they're like, all right, bye.

Like in the battlefield. He just leaves. That's literally what happens. They're like, what? They're on craggy rocks. You're going to die. They're on craggy rocks in the ruins of a city. In the middle of nowhere with like grimy homeless looking people around them.

Yeah. And the brother's just like, I'm leaving now. What? Where are you going? So after that nonsense, what happens is they meet up with Dauntless who are just chilling on the stoop of this giant building. Yeah. Like they're not even hiding. Like they roll up and they're like, who are just chilling on the stoop of this giant building. Yeah. Like, they're not even hiding.

Like, they roll up, and they're like, oh, shit, look who it is. They all run out. Yeah, when I saw that, I was like, wait, is this like a family reunion? They're just waiting, like, here they come, guys. Yeah, oh, shit, we didn't know you were going to be here. You're sitting outside of a giant, one of the few remaining structurally sound buildings in this city. And no one's noticed you? More importantly, no one cared? Yeah.

And so they go inside the building. This is where, like, from this point on, the plot just devolves into nonsense. Even more so. Yeah, so they go into this building, and immediately, I don't know why they thought they could go into the Kander building, but all these Dauntless walk inside and like, yeah, yeah, we're all good. And all the Kander police arrest them. Immediately.

And so then we get a little flash of Titanic lady, I'll never remember her name to save my life, and she's like using people as test subjects. Oh, it's Kate Winslet. Ah, Kate Winslet, yeah.

So Kate Winslet is, like, using all these divergent people as test subjects on this box. And none of them can ever beat it. And you always see, like, these, I guess, simulations of people getting just bludgeoned to death with shit. Yeah. So help me out here. I understand they're in a simulation right yeah and the simulation has to do with their fears and that like stress and that kind of shit right yeah the one they show in this simulated sort of like pixel simulation thing is this test subject

getting bombarded over and over again with what seems like fireballs like giant fire and i'm wondering what that simulation fireballs. Yeah. Like, giant fireballs. And I'm wondering what that simulation must have been like. I want to know what that was, because it looked awesome. And she's just getting repeatedly pelted with fireballs. Yeah. And I don't know what the shit is going on in there. And then Kate Winslet's like, oh, she got four out of five.

Yeah. What the hell? Okay, sure. You're like, wait, what? So anyway, they get arrested by Kander And Kander's like, you're wanted murderers Wait, so you let the other wanted murderers Chill outside, but now that you have these guys You're like, oh, we got you now

Yeah Apparently, Four knows all the rules Of Kander, and convinces them He's like, hey, Let us take your truth serum That you have on stock and We can tell you the truth and then you guys Can set us free because that's how you Work. Yeah.

Okay, sure. And he's just like, oh, I guess you're right Yeah, he's like, oh, you've totally Convinced me, you know more than I do So he and Triss get Truth serum'd and We learn from him, we learn From Four that the reason why he Went back to save her is because he and Triss get truth serumed And We learn from him We learn from Four that The reason why he went back to save her is because he loves Triss

No shit And then from Triss We learn that everyone she loves Dies and she feels horrible about it And she blames herself And she killed that one dude Which makes I think that's Lenny Kravis' daughter

Whoever that girl is who's her friend, like, hate her. Which is stupid. Because she's like, you, oh, you killed my boyfriend. You know, that kind of stuff. But she did it to save her life. Like, he was mind controlled, right? Yeah, she's like, he tried to kill me, and so I, like, defended myself. And she's like, I'd be like, oh, shit, he tried to kill you.

Like, what an asshole. Yeah, you were all mind-controlled. Give me some credit here. I saved everyone, and only he died. So chill the fuck out. So anyway, she's all broken up, and her friend hates her, and Four's like, oh, you know, I feel so bad for you. Kander releases them, and I can't remember if now is when they go back to the factionless.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. What happens is, I forgot. What happens is she goes outside and is standing up there on the roof of the Kander building. Some random dude comes out. A random guy who we've never seen before. He's like, I'm one of Four's friends. It's so nice to meet you. I'm going to stand up here and talk to you about life and stuff and tell you about how much Ford loves you and crazy shit.

And then out of nowhere, everyone's assaulted by Kate Winslet's private army led by Macklemore and Blacklemore. And so they start shooting up everyone like kids. And I thought this was the hardest core scene scene in any movie I was like oh shit Like they're gunning down kids There's a scene where a hallway is just filled with like What I assumed were dead kids I was like Oh shit I was like this is awesome

That's a great quote for the tombstone There's a hall of dead kids They're shooting up And I was like This is awesome You know They didn't expect it I thought this movie

I thought this movie Was gonna like Pull punches Instead it was like Nope This is Going hardcore And it had her

Like laying in the hallway With them So I thought that Tris was dead too Yeah Turns out That they all just have like like, implants attached to them, so they can, like, it knocks you out, I guess? It was like a knockout serum? Yeah, unless you're divergent.

Yeah, unless you're divergent, then you're awake, and that's how they track you down. And then what happens is this little girl comes up to Triss, and Triss is like, go upstairs and hide. And, of course, not 20 minutes later, when Triss gets captured, the little girl's there with them. She's like, I was supposed to hide. I was supposed to hide. It's like, you dummy. You should have hid. Yeah.

Or hid or whatever. Look, you figure out the semantics of the grammar. So what happens is Macklemore grabs them. And that scene we talked about where he's like, you're like 10% dead virgin. He shoots a dude in the head. And of course, Triss is 100. And he's like, I can't believe it. There's no way. And he holds it up to her again. And it's like, you're like 10% dead virgin. He shoots a dude in the head. And of course Triss is 100 and he's like, I can't believe it. There's no way. And he holds it up to her

again. It's like, 100. And Black Amour's like, I told you, man. She's the one. Which, again, she's the one of the ones. And so they're gonna take her out and bring her back to Kate Winslet. But then suddenly

Thor and like his Dauntless friends suddenly, Thor and, like, his Dauntless friends show up, and they're like, good thing we weren't inside, and they put guns to their heads, and Macklemore's like... Oh, wait. Okay. Rewind. Yeah. So, when they're gonna, like, try to shoot the little girl, right? Like, Macklemore's

about to kill the little girl. Yes. And he's like, yeah, you're 40%. And then she's like, oh, no. And then she jumps up and, like girl. Yes. And he's like, yeah, you're 40%. And then she's like, oh, no. And then she jumps up and, like, tackles him. I was like, how did she manage to, like, do that in that amount of time? Oh, she jumped across the room, tackled him. Held at gunpoint, by the way.

Like, whatever soldier that was that let her jump up and get across the room. Yeah. I feel like she'd be fired. Yeah. Like, he would, if anyone moved, she should have been shot in the face. Like, immediately shot in the face. Yeah. She jumps up and, like, assaults Macklemore. It

makes no sense. But she saves the little girl, of course, because they wouldn't shoot a little kid. To my dismay. Yeah. But, um, what happens then is Four and all the Dauntless guys save Triss and they're like

I guess they Here's what I don't understand Blacklemore is not there anymore I don't know where he went He went back to Kate Winslet which is why he's Blacklemore Because the next scene They take Macklemore into a room And he's like you don't have the guts for

I'm not gonna tell you her plan, but she's but here's the plan. I'm not gonna tell you what the plan is, but here's the plan. She's found some crazy box and she's gonna use it to change the world, man. She's looking for divergence and, of course, Four's like, screw you. You killed a lot of people. And he just

point-blank range shoots Macklemore in the face. Yep. And then everyone, candor, dauntless, everyone gathers around to look at his dead body. Like it's the end of Gladiator and they're all standing around the Emperor and they're like all shock silence. And the Kander dude's like, I never thought Kate Winslet would do this. And then that's when they go back to the faction list and like we're going to make an alliance and we're going to take her down because she's got this crazy machine and we have to stop her. Right. Yep.

So that night, the, of course the mother has this really smug look on her face. Like, yeah, so my plans are working out perfectly, which can I point out throughout this entire movie, the mother is played as like this character who I assume would be a bad guy.

Yeah. Like she's like, yes, all my plans to take over are going to work out. First off, she's introduced yes all my plans to take over are gonna work out just first off she's introduced poorly her plan is stupid and there's no payoff at all at the end but we'll get there she's i like how when she's introduced they did the like typical like everybody steps out of the way and then she's at the end like yeah hello it's like what like i've been waiting for you tobias and so yeah they go back and that night apparently there is in those tracker devices or the sleeping things.

Yeah. They're still in all their bodies. And it turns out that the ones that have it can now be controlled just like the people at the end of the first movie. So three girls, well, actually two girls and boy, are now standing up on a ledge about to jump and they're all delivering a message like, hand over Triss and no one else has the time. Before that, the one dude that was like, they're up in the attic, he pledged his loyalty to Titanic woman.

Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, we need to go back. So yeah, the guy who was their friend enemy i guess frenemy we'll call yeah the frenemy frenemy malfoy he is now working for kate winslet and kate winslet he's like yeah give me a job with the room for promotional growth whatever the hell he says and so she makes him like guard number one question mark yeah and he basically tells her how to find him and he's like the only way you can draw tris out is by like hurting people around her because like, guard number one, question mark? Yeah. And he basically tells her how to find him, and he's like, the only way you can draw Triss out

is by, like, herding people around her, because that's her big hang-up. And she's like, excellent, that's what I'll do. Yeah, so then she mind-controls these people, and of course one of them is her best friend, and the other two are, like, random people. And it's a little boy who might be, like, maybe six, and then an older girl, and then her best friend.

And so her and then this other character, who was a main character from the first one but has had maybe two lines this entire movie climb up to save them and as they're like hand over tris then no one else has to die and they're about to jump off the edge uh the one girl uh grabs the little boy and then tris of course grabs her friend and the blonde tall girl just falls to her death and dies and nobody does anything they just all stand there and watch no one tried to save her only two people actually climbed up the thing

meanwhile there's a whole group of Dauntless there who are skilled in climbing and jumping and all sorts of shit no one tried to save this other girl they all watch her fall and die and so this girl dies and Trish is all just emotional. She's like, is this because of me? Is this because of me?

And so the next scene is her in her bed crying and Tobias goes up to, like, console her. And then immediately, in what may be one of the silliest inappropriate scenes in the history of movies, a little girl, like, killed herself. Like, just threw herself off this cliff. Not ten minutes later at movie time are they banging in this bedroom. She's like, I'm so sad. And he's like, don't be sad, baby. And they just do it. Yeah.

It is so crazy. They just straight up bang. And it's like, wait, what? And then he passes out because he's, you know, like any good man. He's totally spent. He's passed out. He's, you know, like any good man. He's totally spent.

He's passed out. And then she, of course, uses this time to sneak off in the middle of the night to go turn herself into Kate Winslet. So that nobody else dies. Yeah, so no one else dies. But here's the thing, too. Here's the thing. Okay, so she mind-controlled those people to walk off and be like, return her to me or you all more will die. Yeah. Maybe I'm just a better villain but if i was that

i would make them like fight each other and like trying to kill each other like mind controlled like we will kill each other then you're like killing off their like soldiers as you like try to get her i mean it very good point you're definitely a better villain than Kate Winslet. But, so she goes off in the middle of the night to go and turn herself in. And the only person watching, of course, is the evil mom who's like, yes, yes, all my plans are coming together. The next day, Fort comes downstairs like, where'd Trisco? Mom's like, I have no clue. And he's like, oh, no, she wanted to go turn herself in. So he runs up and she's like, no, wait, stop. So I'm like, oh, no, she wanted to go to Trisco. So he runs up, and she's like, no, wait, stop.

So I'm like, oh, wait, maybe this is part of her master plan. Yeah. So four, alright, so anyway, this is nonsense. So Tris shows up at the main building, and about a thousand security guards descend on her. Right? Meanwhile,

four is going to go save her, which later on plays a big role. I don't think anyone shows up to stop him. Actually? Meanwhile, Four is going to go save her, which later on plays a big role. I don't think anyone shows up to stop him. Actually, wait. Hold on. They do. Never mind. I was wrong.

Yeah, you're wrong. It's later when the army shows up that apparently no one gives a shit. Yeah. All right. So, yeah. My mistake. Yeah, it's your mistake. So, she turns herself in, and Kate wins. It's like, good.

Now that you're here, I have something to tell you. And she lets her know that the thing was her mom's, and it's all this big dark secret, and whatever's inside this box is super important, and everyone else who's used it has died, and so, you know, that kind of stuff. And she sees that dark-haired Malfoy's working for her, and he pulls a gun on her.

He's like, you're going to do this test, or I'll shoot you. And of course she kicks the shit out of him and bashes his head against the window and she's like, I'll kill him! And Kate wins like, whatever. And the best line of the movie, he goes What?!

I saw that thing coming too. I was like, she doesn't care about him. Yeah, and so she lets him go and then we're we are introduced to the big plot twist i assume is that her brother has aligned himself with kate winslet which makes no sense at all yeah at all at all he he goes from like i'll be no help to you to now i'm gonna work for the bad guy yeah it's just again imagine rob stark just left he's like i'm with the lannisters now he's just like wait hold on why why he's fighting with us like on our side

we're family and now you just went to them for no reason like yeah they killed our parents they murdered our parents why are you yeah Yeah, this is like Ned Stark got killed and then Robb Stark was like, I'm leaving to go to the wall. And then he's like halfway there, he's like, nope, I'm going to join the Lannisters. I'm fucking good. Why? It makes no sense. Why? It makes no sense. And so, he's

the one who convinces Triss to actually go through with it. And so they jack her in Matrix style, again, because she's the one. Yeah. And she proceeds to go through all these different tests. And the main test is the one from the trailer where she has to, like, jump through a floating building as it moves around to get to her mom. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm trying to remember what the other tests were, but they were really dumb.

One test. Like, her, what's, D4 is there. And he's like, we're breaking you out. And then they're trying to break out. And he's like, how'd you get in here? Oh, and she's like, it's not real. And he's like we're breaking you out and then they're trying to break out and he's like oh and she's like it's not real scary boyfriend stuff but he wasn't there when someone said yeah she had that she no that was the conversation she had with his friend up on the roof yeah and and and so she was like you weren't there for that this is fake and it's like i love you

and then he like melts into crystal shark and it's like this here's the thing it's like a four and a half minute scene of him melting to like emotional music and it's like this, here's the thing, it's like a four and a half minute scene of him melting to emotional music. And it's like, I don't, nobody cares about this scene. I know. Like, it was the most unimportant scene. It's like, all right,

so did she beat it? Did she do the thing? Like, we don't want to watch him melt. Yeah, and then when they escape, Malfoy is on the ground and she has a chance to shoot him, but doesn't. And so I guess that was another one of the Like that quick thing was another one of the tests

And so she's totally spent and she can't Do the final test So yeah There's one final test I guess it saves her Progress question mark It's like save game Yeah I feel like every time you jack in You should have to redo all five like that's the point

Only someone who can do all five. But I guess they say four out of five. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. And so she does all those stupid tests, and she goes back to her cell, and that's when we learn that Four's been captured. And he's in his cell, and this is, oh, this is going to be so emotional for her. And they're like, you've got one final test to do. And her brother's being a total dick and Malfoy's like yeah your girlfriend's gonna die in this thing brah.

It's the worst like 10 minutes of movie history. Yeah. him and they try to get her to do one final battle and the uh thing they have her do is i don't know what it is like she's gets like knocked through a window or something and like falls to her death oh yeah she's like she gets like falling through the city like yeah she's like falling through the city and i guess she's supposed to stop herself from falling or something but she doesn't and falls to her death and, like, hits the ground and dies. Like, goes into cardiac arrest, and, um, uh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, before this final thing happens, we should point this out. Malfoy, as she goes in for her final treatment, because, you know, you assume he's a dick, he stabs her in the back with something.

Yeah. And so when she goes in this final test, she, like, falls into the ground and explodes and goes into cardiac arrest. And Kate Williams is like, no, no, she was the one. And her brother, like, doesn't even shed a tear. He's like, I'm a dick. It's just like, whoa, that was interesting. They wheel her back right past past four who loses his shit. He's like, no, no.

He's like banging on the door. And then in one of the weirdest plot twists, Malfoy and four break, like Malfoy breaks out four who then helps him beat up the guards. So these two guys who were, I guess they set this up from the beginning. I have no clue. Breaks them out, and then Triss wakes up, and whatever he stabbed her in the back with was like a serum that knocked her out. Yeah, it was like a serum that like

kind of like stopped her heart rate or whatever. Which I guess explains the falling, like she couldn't control her own heart rate so she couldn't fight or whatever. But still, where did that, where does this plot, like just like the other plot twist of the brother, this one makes no sense. You don't see it coming

because it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. There's nowhere in the story where you're like, if I watch this movie a second time, I could see that coming. No, you couldn't because it doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

And so Malfoy's like, yeah, thank God I saved you again. What? What? Yeah, like what? And so their new plan is we need to break out of here. And then she's like, no, I've got to unlock the fifth seal on this damn thing. And so.

Oh, wait. I looked it up. Apparently the reason she falls is because they're climbing two of the three people she wanted to save are climbing a building, and she can only save two of the three or whatever. That did not happen in this movie. I don't know. I don't remember that at all. I don't remember that at all. Either way, it was dumb.

I might have been writing a note at the time about how dumb it was. Yeah. So anyway, so she goes, she's like, I need to get back to the machine. By the way, it's under, like, heavy security guard and stuff. And so she and Flora go back to the machine, or to get the box. Originally it's to get the box. And then Malfoy goes into the main control center right next to Kate Winslet and, like, a million guards. And basically hacks the system and no one gives a shit.

He just hacks everything. He's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he just sneaks out the back. What I thought he was going to do, right, is they got the guards there. Yeah. He just hacks everything. He's like... And then he just sneaks out the back. Right? They got the guards there. Like, I imagine the guards would be able to get into the room, possibly. I thought he was going to, like, pick up their, like, passed out body and scan their face.

What? Wait. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. Because he had to use the face. Like, no. Instead, he used... Like, he took fours out of the prisoner directory, of course.

And then put it in the guard directory. And so the face scanner recognized him, and that's how they got in the room. But, like, the obvious thing would be, like, he took force out of the prisoner directory, of course, and then put it in the guard directory, and so the face scanner recognized him, and that's how they got in the room. Yeah, but, like, the obvious thing would be, like, oh, yeah, we knocked out a guard, let's use his face to scan it, and then get in. Yeah, no, that would be stupid. Yeah. So, I assume the logic there is, like, well, they would alert security if a guard

scanned his face to open this door, so let's put in another person under the guard and let him whatever. It makes no sense, it's dumb. So they go in to get this door. So let's put in another person under the guard and let him whatever. It makes no sense. It's dumb. So they go in to get this thing. Meanwhile, Malfoy slips out the back door and just vanishes for the rest of the week. He's gone. Yeah, he's gone. And then

they go into this room and rather than grab the thing and leave, Triss is like, I have to finish it. I have to know what's inside. Aren't there like jack-in things elsewhere? Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. If you overthrew Kate Wins inside. Aren't there, like, jack-in things elsewhere? Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. If you overthrew Kate Winslet, couldn't you just use it after you overthrew Kate Winslet? Yeah.

I was thinking that. It makes no sense. So she's like, we have to do this. And he's like, okay, baby, whatever. Closes the damn thing. Closes, like, the double doors. And then she jacks in. Yeah. So she goes into this virtual reality world where she fights basically the

NECA version of herself. Right? Like the evil version. It's essentially Scott Pilgrim versus the world. Or the Legend of the Second Zelda game. It's like you're going to fight your own inner demon. You have to fight your own inner demon.

You have to fight your shadow self. And so she has this climactic, essentially Neo versus Agent Smith battle. Like, they're flying through the air. They're destroying the world around them. You did things. And she's like, I didn't do the things. Yeah. And, of course, in the end, the moral is like, you have to learn to let go and forgive yourself.

And so as her self tries to attack herself, which sounds insane. Yeah. Like it doesn't hurt her. And then her nemesis self explodes into little bits. And she's like, I did it. And she unlocks the thing. Meanwhile, on the outside world, the hundreds of guards at this facility are like blowing through this door. And I swear to God, there's a scene where Four gets shot.

Yeah. I thought he did, too. Like, you see him go like, and he, like, falls backwards. Yeah. And then, as they're about to grab her, all these guards come in. Suddenly, the entire army of Factionless and Dauntless and Kander and everyone show up. And, like, blow, like, save them. Which, by the way, where were the, like, where was the battle way where were the like where was the battle where

were the many there were so many guards at this building and there was i assume factionalists and them don't have enough i don't know i assume they don't have the weapons but who do i they've been smuggling shit for people somewhere so it's crazy up like bam we're here and they're like yeah they come at the very end like hey we came in and the her main friend girl like walks up like, bam, we're here. They're like, yay. They come at the very end like, hey, we came in. And her main friend girl walks up like, yay, I forgive you now. Like, what? So then all of a sudden. It's essentially like, okay, using good movies as an example again. If in Lord of the Rings, the end of it, they're like, oh, no, we're going to die.

And Gandalf just like uses a spell. It's just like, bam, and everybody dies. Like, hey, we're here. No, no, no. You know how when rohan shows up yeah and and they blow the horn there's a speech and they roll down the hill they start fighting and then the battle goes on for like another hour right and it's like but thank god we have reinforcements it would be like if rohan shows up but there's no speech no horn they just are at the front door like, we took care of it. It's like, oh, thanks, guys.

Don't worry. All those orcs are gone now. We got it. We handled it. Oh, man, that's good because they were assholes. They just show up. And then Thor is somehow alive, which doesn't make any sense. Black O'More has somehow escaped,

which still makes no sense. I don't know where he went. He escaped all the time, very easily. His character just vanished. He was like, I'm out of here. Second time he's done that. Yeah, and then Triss comes out of the thing, and she's like, guys, it's open now, and they open it. And the message inside is from the founders, who are like, the truth is that Divergence are really the reason why you're all there and that this has been an experiment

and all of you are in the ruins of old Chicago because there was the catastrophe or some crap like there was a big war and we it was because people were like fighting over personas or some bullshit and

we put you all in there to find out like how to find the perfect society if one could coexist and the real thing is that in the end we're supposed to be well-rounded individuals which is like an insanely simplistic thing. Like of course that's the whole damn point to begin with.

And so divergence aren't the problem they're actually like the solution and the more divergence there are the better society we are so like that kind of BS. And so divergence aren't the problem. They're actually like the solution. And the more divergence there are, the better society we are. So like that kind of BS. And so they, you know, they're like, you need to rejoin us out beyond the wall now. Like this is your task. You've completed it. Come join us beyond the wall.

And so everyone's like, yeah. And all the different factions are like, yeah. And everyone's very excited. Yeah. And it goes through a bunch of sweeping scenes of, like, people marching towards the wall and, like... No, but then you forgot the part where... What's her name? Kate Winslet.

After they see that, she's like, I don't care. Oh, she's like, destroy it. Yeah, yeah. Destroy it. Like, kill him anyway. And that's when they, like, bust in, like, we got you. Yeah, maybe they killed Black Amour then. I don't remember.

But he just didn't exist. They introduced a new character as a replacement for Black Amour who gets killed. And they're just like, eh, whatever. It doesn't matter. Then they bust in and then they capture Kate Winslet. And then his mom is all like, nice to see you again, Janine. Or whatever. Oh, yeah.

There's definitely some connection between the two. And you're like, oh, shit, that'll be pretty interesting for the third movie. Nope. Nope. So they go through all these sweeping scenes of the, like, everyone in this mass exodus out to the exit, and there's music playing, and everyone's really excited. And we see the dad again, which is really funny.

Like, the dad from the beginning like oh well shit there he is and then everyone's moving towards this to the wall and the gate starts to open and you see beyond the wall I swear to god beyond the wall is a barren wasteland with a giant

oil tanker in it and I'm like wait they're gonna walk through that in order to find how do we know anyone's out there? Yeah. And so at the very end, what I have come to believe is the only smart person, Kate Winslet's character, goes like, that message is 200 years old. How do we know anyone's even out there? Which makes sense. And then the mom comes up behind her and is like, you'll never find out.

And shoots her In the back of the head That's how the movie ends And that's That's how the movie ends There is no like Closure at all The movie just ends

Yeah It's like wait What? Wait what just happened? And like nobody Questions anything They're just all like Yeah the wall

Let's go Yeah let's go to the wall Everyone let's go to the wall Like nobody's like But I kind of like it here Like maybe this is Like a cool You know Like nobody's like They're just all like Let's go to the wall. Everyone, let's go to the wall. Like, nobody's like, but I kind of like it here. Like, maybe this is, like, a cool, you know? Like, nobody's like, there's no, like, let's go.

Nobody questions. Like, all right, all right. For real. Mm-hmm. If we found a magical box. Yeah. Right? Like, if today, in today's society, we found a box that required some crazy test to unlock.

Yeah. And we, as a society, found someone who could. And it was unlocked. It's like a Michael Jordan. And we as a society found someone who could And it was unlocked And it was a message That was like I am one of the original Humans and centuries ago We had a pretty awesome society But that fell into collapse

And we created a new society And from that You were formed And we have moved off to a distant star system But if you want you may join us now Because you've reached the intellect To unlock this box right Yes of course there would be people like

Yeah sure but there would also be many people who would be like That is stupid That sounds made up That is not even a real thing How do we know this isn't a trap How do we know if we go off to some star system We proved to these aliens that we can travel through space They come and blow us up

There's a million different scenarios that people can come up with Reasons why not to do this Maybe they eat humans every 200 years Yeah maybe We're their food source There's a million reasons not to do this But everyone's like sounds good to me And like I said they open the gates

And through it you see a barren wasteland and an oil tanker. Yeah. It's pretty clear this is like Lake Erie and there's nothing in it. Which means like if that's what's out there. Or Lake Michigan. Close enough. Yeah. So it's like, what is even happening?

Why would you do this? It makes no sense. And then they kill Kate Winslet like a shotgun blast to the head. And that's like it. And the movie goes dark and then it ends. It's like, wait, what? It reminded me of like the Maze Runner, but

at least the Maze Runner made sense. Yes. I thought that too. Maze Runner actually had like reasoning and like Plot development It was in fact very weird This thing happened Oh this thing happens

It's like no explanation I went and looked up the ending The third book to see if I could figure out What it was about I couldn't The third book is like I don, I don't even know. I don't even know. I tried to read it.

I read about it too. I tried to read the, can you make any sense of the ending? Because I couldn't. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. So it's like they go out there and then they find out that the mom is like evil or something. Which everyone knew. Yeah, which everyone knew. And then

stuff happens and Triss has to like sacrifice herself. Yes, yeah. All I got out of this is that the entire time it's a bunch of gibberish. Like her brother in the end like

the least deserving character lives, but Triss sacrifices herself to save four, who then has to, like, live the rest of his life knowing that this girl saved him, but then he gets a serum that can erase his memory,

but he decides not to take it because he'd rather remember Triss. Like, it is nonsense. Yeah. Like, it is nonsensical. Which makes me very excited for the third movie. Oh, yeah. No, I hope it comes out. I hope this movie made... Here's the thing. The first movie didn't make any money, and they made this one,

so here's hoping they make a third one, and the third one is just nonsense. Here's the thing. This is how you make the third movie. They go outside the wall, right? Nothing's there except Nicolas Cage. And he's just like, I've been outside the wall fighting everything. Come with me. Come with me if you want to live. Oh, my God.

Just start combining movies. He's like, so I've created a spaceship where we're going to go to another dimension in the galaxy. Let's go to other planets. Oh, my God. So basically what you're saying is the third movie would be so bad that they might as well just make it whatever they want at this point. It doesn't... But it's gotta have Nicolas Cage

in it. Oh, agreed. Agreed. Nicolas Cage should be... should just take on the role of the mom. He's much more believable. She just like walks out and he shoots her and he's like, this is my job now. Here's the thing. I assume you mean the movie, but I'd like to imagine that's real life. He just walks onto set and murders the actress.

He's like, I'm the mother now. He's on a wig. No one notices. He's like, good. Everyone's like, wow, the mother became a much better actress in the third one. He has like an army of bees Following him They follow all his commands

I'd watch that So in case you can't tell, it was a Just bad movie, just the worst It made no sense It was dumb, but I'd watch it once Oh yeah, no, I'd watch it once Just to see how ridiculous it was But you have to watch the first movie

You have to put in a good two hours of your life into this franchise in order to see this new movie. So I guess it's better to do it now than marathon two movies before you see the third one if it ever comes out. But I will say we did beg for another movie and we got it. Yep, and I was not disappointed. I was not, like, I knew this was gonna be bad going in And I was thoroughly pleased with how bad it was Like, I had no clue a movie could be this nonsensical bad And I watched that one that just recently came out

The, um, oh man, the one where, like, the dude fights dragons What? Shit You know, the dude I'm trying to think of the actor's name He fights dragons. What? Shit. You know, the dude. I'm trying to think of the actor's name. He fights dragons. What? It just recently came out.

It was horrible. It was not very good. There's Insurgent, Cinderella, Run All Night, The Gunman, Kingsman, The Secret Service, Do You Believe? By the way, oh, Kingsman was really good. That's a good, fun movie. Yeah, I heard that was good.

It's very entertaining. The end of that movie, the last 20 minutes are basically Jesse Cox the film. If you want to know how I'd make a film, go watch that movie. Watch the last 20 minutes, and that's how I'd make my movie. We walked out of the theater, and everyone was like, holy shit, that was like what's in your head all the time, isn't it? And I was like, yep. Well, that sounds like what's in your head all the time, isn't it? And I was like, yep. Well, that sounds pretty, that sounds a lot better.

Oh my god, Insurgent made the most money in the box office. Yes, nice. 52 million. Great. Followed by Cinderella at 35. Yeah, Cinderella's been told. Insurgent, though. That's going to get us, that's going to get us a third movie.

That's getting us the third movie. Yeah. Oh, I can't wait. Oh. We've earned it. We've earned it, Crandor. We've had to sit through that shit. Yeah. I can't wait. We've earned it. We've earned it, Crandor. We've had to sit through that shit. Yeah. I sat through it in England. I paid pounds to go see it.

You paid pounds. I ate weird British candy that I'd never had before. I had a Slurpee. I had a British Slurpee. Dude, they give you two sides. Two sides? So you can get two different flavors. Whoa. I know. Whoa. It was intense here's the problem i don't know here's probably because both sides you know how eventually you get to the part of

a slushy where all the like tastes out of it it's just either ice or liquid yeah it got that way but twice as fast on two sides it just like meld together after a while no well like like it didn't meld together like there's's a middle. There's a divider between the two. Oh, that's smart. But the problem is like, you know, you got less overall slushy. Yeah. And I was very disappointed. Yeah, that is kind of disappointing.

It's like trade quantity for just a unique. Yeah, choice. Yeah. But I got one that was like orange flavor and it tasted like a Fanta and it was pretty good. Uh oh. And then I got cherry because I like orange flavor and it tasted like a Fanta and it was pretty good. Oh. And then I got cherry because I felt good. What are we talking about? Let's end this thing.

We've been going on too long. All right, guys, that's it. We will be back again soon, hopefully when I get home. Yeah. To talk more and do more podcast stuff. So thank you for listening. Yeah. And as always, to be continued.