Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #132: How Your Mindset Can Change EVERYTHING For You with Heather!

Episode Date: July 21, 2021

Have you ever had a terrible week where nothing seems to go right? I know I have. There are things you just can’t control. But there is something you can always control: your mindset! Mindset can make all the difference between being mired in the negative or looking forward towards the positive. When you feel yourself stuck in a hard week, remember that nothing is permanent! This too shall pass. And look forward to where you want to be and how you will get there. Don’t forget to remind yourself that you can do all things. It will get better. You can do it and so can I.  Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!    To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com     See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me today. Okay, this is complete insanity. I'm going to share a personal story, a very, very personal story with you today about what's

been happening in my life this week, which is not good. However, we are dealing with it. And one of the things I noticed, I had a super stressful week, really a lot of anxiety, stress, because it has to do with my son. And I'll tell you, in those moments when your life, it just feels like everything is going wrong, you're in shock, you're upset. And people send you email saying, hey, why haven't you got back to me on this or that or a text saying, hey, I haven't heard back from you on this. The message I want to share today is this, that you never know what someone else could be going through. So try to lead with kindness. Anytime you reach out to people, and I'm going to remind myself of this, too, instead of just sending Kurt emails,

because you just don't know what shoe could have dropped in that person's life. And if you're not hearing back from someone, you never know. It could be something really hard. So this week, as I had mentioned, my son is away at camp, and it's actually. academic camp, not some fun camp. He's not loving life. But on Wednesday, I got a phone call, and it was the school nurse, and he was in the emergency room, and he didn't have his phone, and they think his arms broken, and they had no one I could call to speak to him. I didn't know who he was with. It was such an awful situation, knowing that my son is completely on the other side of the

country away from me. I can't get to him. It was dark. It was at night. I don't know who has him, and there's no phone to reach him. So to say the next few hours were bad would be an understatement. It was, you know, I went on a downward spiral. I was able to get a hold of the emergency room doctor who told me that his arm was broken, but that he was taking good care of him and that he would be okay. But I still hadn't been able to speak to my son. And of course, like any mother, I went crazy and was calling the camp 900 times,

emailing 900 times demanding someone give him his phone so he can speak to me. Anyways, hours later, it seemed like a lifetime later, but it was a couple of hours. He got back to camp and they put him on the phone with me just to say hello for a moment before he had to go to bed. He was obviously very upset. And, you know, the next morning when I spoke to him, it was just heartbreaking, listening to how scary it is for a kid to be alone somewhere, not have a phone, not have people that you know there to help you to take you to an emergency room. I'm 47 and I don't want to go to an emergency room with someone I don't know, right? You want people who love you, who support you and encourage you around you. And it was just, it was really sad. However, I will say my son handled it better than I did.

I definitely, gosh, I just never expected anything like this to happen. I never expected his health to be in jeopardy. I never expected him to have to go to an emergency room and need medical attention. It was just, it was an awful feeling of everything out of your control and someone that it's your job to care for and keep safe and you can't help them. It was really hard. And my son handled it incredibly well that next day and said, you know, it's not ideal and it really hurts and my arm's swollen. And he has to go get a cast later this week. He said, but, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to be okay. He said, oh, I'll remember when I broke my leg mom, I wonder which one's going to be worse. He said, I think the broken leg, I had the cast on a lot longer than I'll have the cast on for this one.

So he was trying to see the positives in it, which was a miracle because I couldn't even see straight for the first 24 hours. And then the next day, he had a really bad day. And luckily, I was starting to feel a little better. And so I was able to talk him off the ledge. But it's so important, you know, 24 hours can change so much in your life. It's insane. And the things that mattered, you know, a week before just don't seem to matter. anymore or the way that you're feeling is so incredibly different. And to see how my son changed so much overnight, he had a bad night's sleep, of course, with the arm in a sling. It's not cast yet. And he's in so much pain and the swelling has not gone down. And for some reason, the pain was just a lot worse. So hearing how his actual physical circumstances hadn't changed, but his mindset

changed incredibly and he was really down. And so I tried to focus on the things that I do when things are going wrong, which is number one, this is temporary. Right. We all know that this is temporary. It is not going to stay this way. This two shall pass. This will change. Your arm will heal. You will get out of that camp. You will see me. Right. Things are going to get better. You're not alone. And then I always try to focus on what are we looking forward to. So, you know, looking forward to almost done with camp now, looking forward to the day that you get the cast on because you'll feel better and then off because it'll be healed and, you know, so excited for you to come home and, you know, let's do a countdown. Anything to focus on where it is we're going and where we

want to be instead of really staying mired and where we don't like where we currently are. That has been very helpful to me and he wasn't really buying it that much this morning because he was having a really tough time. But luckily, I got to speak to him again later in the day, and his whole demeanor had changed. He had a good talk with a friend of his, and his friend was helping him carry his bags, and one of his teachers was really nice to him today, and he just sounded so uplifted. It just really reminds me that our mindset and our attitude towards everything is what we're always in charge of. And I certainly did not do a good job this week with mine. a horrible job because I completely lost it and acted like a lunatic, but we are all work in progress.

So what I wanted to do today, because I am so crazy for my son and so worried about my son right now, is in my first book, Confidence Creator, I wrote a chapter about my son and actually something my son taught me that's really powerful, so I want to read it to you today. Okay, it's Chapter 1, Confidence Creator. Reminds yourself, Mom, can you write on my shoes? That's what my nine-year-old son Dylan asked me at 6.30 in the morning before school. I was rushing around the kitchen trying to make breakfast and get his backpack before we had to fly out the door, and he's asking me to write on his shoes. What? Hurry up. We're going to be late. I saw that he was holding out one of his basketball sneakers and a Sharpie. I knew he had a game that night, but still had no idea what he was talking about. What am I writing?

I want you to write. You can do all things on the bottom of my shoe. I think he saw a lot. I think he saw a lot of my shoe. the blank look on my face, so he explained, Mom, no matter how good you are and no matter how talented you are, every once in a while, you need to remind yourself. When you're in a tough spot, you have to remember who you are. You can't feel confident every minute of every day. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How brilliant was this? I wrote out the phrase for him in marker on the bottom of his shoes and handed it back to him. He ran off and finished packing his bag while I watched him in stunned silence. I couldn't get over what had just happened. My son taught me the importance of reminders.

I literally cried. I was 41 and still struggling with confidence. It took me years to learn how to believe in myself. He was nine, but he was already capable of creating a confidence safety net that he could turn to for support when he needed it. When you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business.

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I was often required to speak in front of large groups of people at functions. But it wasn't always easy for me. I would feel nervous before I had to take the podium. I'd look out over a sea of faces who were all staring at me, and I would feel doubt-creepin. I would question myself. That's not a comfortable position to be in. Deep down, I knew that I was capable, but there were times I found it difficult to calm my confidence. Dylan was right. We need to support ourselves during challenging moments. So after that talk with my son, I took a page from his playbook.

I started to write little reminders on my shoes whenever I found myself nervous about a big speech or attending a big meeting. One month later, I was asked to speak at a charity luncheon for an organization called City Year Miami. They mentor inner city youth to give them the direction they need to get through school without dropping out. Many of those kids didn't have a support system. Many were impoverished and living in very dark places. They were just trying to get by. It wasn't easy to have confidence and trust in yourself when growing up in that environment. So one thing I wanted to stress in my speech was that those kids could learn confidence.

Confidence is a skill that can be learned and not one they had to be born with. What better way to prove that than by using myself as an example? At the end of my speech, I told that story about my son and the message he wanted me to write on his basketball shoe. I brought the actual shoe up with me to the podium. I even showed everyone the message that I had wrote on the bottom of my heels that morning. The very next day, I was sitting at my desk at work when I opened up my email and saw that my mailbox was filled with messages from my friends and coworkers who attended the luncheon. They had all sent me pictures of the notes they wrote on the souls of their shoes. I love me.

I deserve better. I can do this. I am not alone. The messages went on and on. The ladies really got into it. Today I write myself reminders on my computer, in my iPhone. I hide some in my clothes and around my house. I even have a picture frame that says, hello, gorgeous.

I sometimes forget where I put them. So when I come across one, it will always bring a smile to my face. More importantly, those reminders have a lasting impact. We all need people who pick us up when we're down, but sometimes it's a job that we can do ourselves. Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders. If you ever see me at an event, you can bet that I'll have a supportive message on the bottom of my heels. And that just reminds me that I need to send my son a text and remind you. mind him that he can do all things and he can get through this. Hang tight. We'll be right back. Okay, so I received a question on my DM on LinkedIn. And if you ever have a question, shoot it to me, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn at my website, wherever you want. Shoot me a note. Okay. Hey, Heather. I'm in a technical accounting role and I've been trying to find ways to differentiate myself from the pack. Good. Good idea. That's smart to do. It's sometimes challenging to be a bright

pink crayon in a black and white cran world. But that's excellent. That's good news that you're different, right? Embrace that. Celebrate it. How can you inspire to motivate those around you to get excited about things that frankly just aren't that fun? Leadership and inspiring others to think not just about where we are, but where we could be. This is an area that you shine in. Thank you. Recently, I posted on an item in a very serious reporting and the importance of non-financial metrics. I know it's not the most exciting of topics, no traction and no discussion on the post. Perhaps timing's everything. Maybe it's summer and people aren't checking in. I fell short of what I thought I could do with this. I'm reaching out to gain your perspective. Do you have any tips on how to promote engagement and

get people excited and motivated regardless of topic or industry? Well, first of all, something isn't exciting or interesting. It's not going to be exciting or interesting. So you have to find an audience that will be interested in what you're posting about. That's the key. You need to post interesting stuff. And I understand what you're saying, your financial reporting isn't interesting, but maybe your take on it and your spin is,

or maybe your personal story of how you got into the business and then highlighting parts of a certain report. You need to make it special, different, and unique. You can't just post the stats. Or if you are just posting stats to educate people, make sure you're using the right hashtags that's going to get you to the audience of people who want to consume that type of content, right?

Think about who is your ideal avatar, who is that ideal target audience, how can you reach them, what hashtags are they following? And then I'd suggest creating a pod, a group of people that are like-minded, all interested in the same kind of things, and you all support one another's posts or you tag each other in the post to support one another or share. You know, be a part of a group. No one succeeds alone in this world. That includes me.

That includes you. and you need to find groups of like-minded people that will support you and work together to help promote your pose, to help promote the conversation that you're having. But again, challenge yourself to test, continually test, try, innovate, break things down and try again. You know, take action and take messy action and try very different approaches with this and you'll begin to figure out what works for you and what works for your audience. I am constantly testing, constantly looking at the data behind posts and conversations and emails to understand what is the right fit for my audience. And I really encourage you to do the same. There's no such thing as failing. Failing is not trying. So put yourself

out there, put a unique spin on it, tell your personal story, give behind the scenes, and find that right audience, and your engagement will grow. Until next week, say a prayer for my son, please. And I hope to have great news next week and report back. that it's been a wonderful week and that so much has changed in one week, which I know is totally possible. And also remember to write your note that you can do all things. I'm writing it for me, and I'm going to ask my son to write it on his shoes with the one hand he has that works right now. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. I'll be right there with you.