Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #134: What Happens When You GIVE More Than You Ask For with Heather!

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Have you ever wondered how I got Gary Vee as my first podcast guest? I didn’t just demand he connect with me, that’s for sure! I found out how I could ADD value to him. And that’s the key! Ask how you can help first. Be creative. Use your skills. And make a difference for THEM. Once you do that, you will be amazed at how that work turns around and helps you in return. Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. I am so grateful you are back here with me this week. Okay, in case you did not hear my solo episode last week, I want to get you up to speed on some crazy events in my life. So I had mentioned that, like many kids, right, my son was on virtual school for basically a year and did not do well. And I'll tell you, I am a visual person. I'm an in-person person. I'm an extrovert.

I'm the same way, right? I definitely struggle with virtual and do so much better when I'm face-to-face with people. I don't know if you feel that same way, but I'll tell you, it's a huge difference. So after a really hard year of school, my son needed some credits so that he set up. up for success for next year. And so he had to go away to academic camp. Picture this, a 14-year-old boy going to academic camp when all he wants to do is play basketball. It doesn't sound ideal. Well, the only one that his school suggested and approves of is in New Hampshire. P.S., I haven't been to New Hampshire since I was 16 years old. So it's just so crazy. Anyhow, so my son goes to camp,

And his father was the one that took him to camp because I just decided it was better than having me take my son to camp because that would be, you know, a nervous breakdown and crying central, which is fair. So he got dropped off at camp and I got the opportunity to speak to him once a day. He doesn't have a phone there. It's so crazy, so bizarre. And he's in class all day. And so every morning I can speak to him for 20 minutes. And, you know, he didn't love it. He's living in a tent outside in literally the worst weather.

ever in New England. It's been the rainiest summer. And so he didn't love it, but he was surviving, right? I wouldn't say he's thriving, but he was surviving. And his grades were really good. And again, just reiterated to me that some people do really well in person. Some people can do well in virtual, but it's really important that we identify and acknowledge our own needs and weaknesses as well as our teams and the people around us. So my son is an in-person learner. And so his grades are great. He didn't really love it. He hates living in a tent. He had never been camping in his life. And suddenly he was thrust into it for a month. Okay. So here's where it got crazy. Last week, I got a phone call at 8 o'clock at night that my son was in the emergency room. And they gave me the emergency room phone number.

I couldn't get a hold of my son. They didn't have the cell phone number of the person who had taken him. To say I went on a downward spiral is an understatement. I went to what worst case scenario is going on. Anyways, to make a long story shorter, I spoke to the emergency room physician. He was okay, broken arm. Obviously not ideal. He doesn't have a parent or anyone to care for him. He's alone out there living in a tent and now with a broken arm. And it's literally raining every single day out there. So I finally get someone to get him on a phone call with me that night for two minutes to tell me he was okay. I was heartbroken. I was just a train wreck, crying my eyes out. I don't think I slept that night at all. Anyhow, so I decided,

to fly out to see him and check in on him. Well, it was interesting because the next morning that I spoke to him after he had been at the hospital, he was very calm on the phone and sounded pretty good. He said, you know, I don't have my arm cast yet because it was too swollen, but I'm doing okay, Mom. I want you to stay calm. Everything's going to be okay. I'm going to find a way to make it work. That was his attitude the first day after. The next day changed drastically. He was in a terrible mood. his arm was killing him. The pain was much worse, and he wanted to come home. And so it was just interesting to see how things could change so drastically in 24 hours. So I tried to talk him off the ledge and reminded him that he was getting his arm cast. And when that happened, he would feel much better.

The pain would subside. He'd be able to move around much easier. So he hung in there. And the next day, he got his arm cast and felt much better. The pain had subsided. And he was sounding much better. But still, I was so nervous he was going to want to come home and not finish the academic program to get the credits he needs. Somehow, some way, he hung in there. And I got on a flight, landed. I went to a hotel because I had to give a virtual keynote for Los Angeles. I did that. And then I got a rental car and I drove from Boston to New Hampshire, Wolfbro, New Hampshire, by the way, which I don't even know where that is.

Right. So I had no idea where I'm going. It was just there's no lights out there. literally like camping ground. So I get out there and I was, oh my gosh, it was like the happiest moment of my life to see my son knowing that he had been alone living in this awful wet tent with a broken arm and just not having anyone to hug him. So I was so overjoyed. I was also shocked at how rustic this place was. It definitely, you know, sometimes you wonder if people are exaggerating or your kids being a baby. My son was not being a baby. So it was. So it was

It was everything that I, nothing went as expected, right? The place was much more rustic, much more campground like than I ever thought it was going to be. And my son had alluded to that, but he hadn't made a big deal about it just that he didn't like it. And then I get there, he's got a broken arm. And he was so grateful I was there. He was so, his demeanor was amazing. And in a weird, twisted way, going through this really awful time of going to the emergency room by himself and not having support and not knowing, you know, what was happening and feeling scared, he seemed stronger. It was so weird.

This is completely unexpected. I never expected this to happen. It kind of takes me back to that idea that you can do hard things. And sometimes you don't know until you're thrust in them. And this was really that moment with. my son, he looked older, he looked stronger. I'd only not seen him for two weeks, and this broken arm had just, and this experience of being at this, you know, bizarre camp in New Hampshire, it just, it amazed me how it went nothing like I thought it was going to, but ended up so

much better. So I want you to remember that, no matter what adversity you're facing right now, challenge or challenge a loved ones facing. In 24 hours, things can change massively. For me, in 24 hours, my son broke an arm, then was saying he was doing okay, then was saying he wanted to come home, and then was saying, you know what, I've got this, and I'd never realize how strong I really am. I can make this happen. So cut to, we had an amazing weekend together. I mean, literally, oh, I was crying my eyes out. I was so proud of him. I was blown away. And so this was interesting. We had a few challenges with the hotel situation, which was crazy because everything in the world is sold out in this vacation area, and it was really hard to find a hotel. However, we did. We made it work,

and we had a long ride back to his camp because the only hotel I could find was 45 minutes away. So we're driving back to the camp, and I'm going to say goodbye to him and not see him for two weeks. Remind you, he's at an academic camp, living in a tent. It's raiding every day, and he has a broken arm. He broke his left arm, which I'm left-handed. He's left-handed. He's left-handed. So he really can't write, right? It's hard. It's really, it's not easy. The struggle is real. And gosh, my heart was breaking for him. I just wanted to take care of him. Even just at dinner, I had to cut his steak for him, right? He just, he can't do the normal things that we can all do. And we take that for granted our health. And, oh, gosh, we need to be grateful for our health. So we're in the car or we're

driving back to camp and I'm starting to tear up already, right, in advance, true mom moment. And I'm getting a little sad because I don't want to give him back. I want to keep him. And I'm just so proud of him. And I'm just, I'm blown away at the transformation I've seen in my child in a two-week period of time. It's so bizarre. I can't even give words to this. It's bizarre. Okay, but I'm super proud of him. We're in the car and he says, mom, I don't want you to get upset. I want you to know everything's going to be okay. I'm going to be fine. You'll be back in two weeks, you know, and I'll be back home and I can't wait. And he was really being very confident. I'm handling it well in the car.

And so I thought, okay, this is, maybe it's not going to be a train wreck. Like, in my mind, I imagine it's going to be saying goodbye. We get out of the car. And when I tell you, he sped up so fast. And we walk over to the main building so I can sign him back in. He looked at me, gave me a little hug and said, okay, mom, I got a run. I'll see you two weeks. Have a safe trip back home.

And I'll see you soon. And he just turned and walked away. And it was so powerful and bold because I was ready to have a nervous breakdown and he knew it. I was ready to start bawling my eyes out crying, which is terrible. I'm supposed to be the strong one there. I'm 46 years old. He's 14. But in fact, it was my 14-year-old that showed up as the leader in that moment.

And I never expected him to do that. And it was just mind-blowing. I never saw this coming. I really didn't. And that's not to say that I don't value what an amazing kid I have. have. I know that it's just this went above and beyond what I ever could have thought would have been possible. I mean, literally, just a few days before he was saying he wanted to come home, his arm hurt so bad and he couldn't make it work. And here he was realizing that I was going to start crying.

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Okay, so I jump in the rental car, and I teared up a little, but not, you know, I didn't start bawling crying because that opportunity, you know, he took that opportunity away, which I'm grateful for because I had a long ride back to Logan Airport. And I start the car up and I look at my phone and he texts me, Mom, I had to run off quick like that because I knew you were going to lose it and I didn't want you to cry the entire ride back to the air. airport. Don't worry. I'm going to be okay. I can't wait to see you in two weeks. And he said, I love you. And that was it. And it was so beautiful and I was so grateful. And I never saw that coming. I never thought it was going to turn out like this. And I'm so proud. Cut to now today. So crazy. I just get an email from school. Dylan was just named, oh my gosh, like a cry saying this. Dylan was just named writer of the week. He won the English Award for the whole camp and to recognize. his amazing writing. And what's so crazy to that is, remember, his left arm's broken. I don't even

know how he's writing. I don't know how he's doing it, but he won an award at an academic camp after having a whole year, a virtual year where he struggled so much. English was never his strong suit. Math has always been his strong suit. So to hear that he showed up, he hung in there with a broken arm, with all these difficulties and challenges, he put the work in somehow, and he won the award for the camp. And I just, oh my gosh. Well, then I started bawling my eyes out, of course, when I just got that email, because I am so proud. But I never saw any of this coming, and you can do hard things. And my son sure can. And he just raised the bar on himself to a whole other level. And this morning when I spoke to him, I said, please take as many pictures as you can of the camp.

And he said, I don't want to. Why would I want to remember this place, Mom? And I said, because one day when you're home, you're going to have forgotten what it was that you got yourself through. And I want you to be able to look at an album on your phone and say, if I got through this, if I got through living there in a tent for a month with bugs everywhere, raining everywhere, falling down in mud with a broken arm. And not only did I make it work, but I won the award for English, I can make anything work. And so he promised me he would take some pictures, although he said not a lot because he really He doesn't want to have to remember this place, but hopefully he takes at least a few so that we can reflect on it and allow this to be an opportunity to gain strength from and to grow stronger moving forward. Hold tight. I'll be right back. Okay, so this week I posted on LinkedIn, I posted a couple of pictures of me and Gary Vee together. And the reason why I did was I was telling the story of how I came to interview Zach Nadler, who if you did, if you did,

I didn't hear that interview go back and listen to it last week. He's a pro. He's a partner with Gary Vaynerchuk in VaynerS speakers. He's the CEO and he knows everything and anything there is to know about the speaking business. He breaks down what one thing every speaker should be doing. I mean, he gives us such great advice as well as he gives us a lot of behind the scenes with Gary V, which is super interesting and funny. Okay. So I posted these pictures to tell the story about how I know Zach Nadler and drive people to. the podcast, right? On LinkedIn, and I received so many DMs from this post. It was crazy. And so this is a question I'm going to answer for you. And it's not really, it's not answering the question that they asked. So here's the thing. I received all these DMs from people saying this to me. Hey, Heather, saw that you know Gary and worked with Gary. Can you go ahead and introduce him to me? Here's what I want to talk to him about. I want to talk to him about my idea, my great idea, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, pump the brakes. Number one, I'm going to tell him. tell you how I initially got to Gary Vee and how long it took. So I used to DM Gary V going back to

the first DM I saw in my phone that I DMed. It was 2015, right? That's six years ago. And sometimes he would respond back or someone on his team would, but sometimes it was just crickets, right? So this went on for years that I would send messages, trying to add value and bring opportunity and connect in some way. Crickets, nothing. Then I decided to take out a Google alert on him. And I do that for anyone and everyone that's important in my life or that I'm targeting that I want to get to. Because if you know what's going on in their life, you may be able to open a door or create an opportunity, which is what I did. So one day, the Google Alert showed up that Gary was launching a wine company with a partner. And I saw the man's name and I googled the man. And I thought,

maybe this man is easier to get to than Gary Vaynerchuk. So I went to LinkedIn. I sent the man a DM and I said, hey, I was in the wine business and sales and marketing for 25 plus years in corporate America. I definitely can help you avoid some landmines in the wine business. Give me a quick call and let's chat so I can set you up for success. How can I add value to him, right? That's how we approach people if we want a good end result. And he called me and we were on a phone call for maybe an hour. We hit it off. Turns out he's from New England and he's just, he's a great guy, right? So we totally hit it off. I gave him an hour of my time and gave him all the advice I had around the wine business.

At the end of the call, he says, Heather, if there's ever anything I can do for you, let me know. And I said, well, actually, there is. Right now he opened the door for opportunity. And he said, what is it? Tell me anything. And I said, I would love it if you could connect me with Gary, be your partner. I'd love to have him be my first guest on my podcast. And so this was two years ago.

He connected me to Gary. Gary was great and let me come into his office and interview him for my podcast. So that's how that whole situation came to be. But never did I just send someone a DM saying, hey, connect me to Gary, right? Life doesn't work that way. What you need to do is focus on how can you add value to the other party? And you can be creative. You could offer a favor. You could offer advice. You could offer anything. Just help. Right? I've had so many people. And this is actually, no, this is a great example. Okay, if you haven't heard yet, I've got a book launch team that is working with me to launch my new book, Overcome Your Villains, and I've got a big pre-order initiative. So if I want people to pre-order my book, I need to give them more value than I'm asking them for, right? So my book is $27. It's actually on sale right now for $24 on one of the websites I saw. But, however, if you pre-order the book for $24, $27, spend $24, $24, $27, I'm.

I'm giving you in return my $299 confidence creator video course, my 30-day email accountability program to achieve your goals, my brand new, overcome your villains workbook, which is killer. I spent a month creating this thing. It is so freaking amazing. Plus, you're going to get the first chapter in advance before anybody else gets to read it, right? So I'm giving this bonus bundle valued at almost $500 to anyone that spends $24 or $27. because I want to give more value than I'm asking for. And that's the key in business and life.

When you show up trying to give more than you're trying to take from people, that's how you can create some success. That's how you can create some momentum. So the next time, instead of sending someone a DM and say, hey, connect me to this person or help me do this, instead say, how can I add value to this person or help this person? How can I give more than I'm asking for and watch how things start to turn out to work better for you. It works for me. It always works for me every time, anytime I do it. So definitely check out my bonus bundle. It's at Overcome Your Villains.com. If you haven't checked it out yet, it would mean

the world to me. And I would love for you to get this bonus bundle. It is only going to be available until the next couple of months and then we are shutting the bonus bundle down. So definitely check it out, Overcomeyourbillins.com. I would so appreciate that you buy that pre-order that book. And I'd love for you to have that massive bonus bundle. And I can't wait to hear what you think. If you can, please subscribe, rate and review the show. It means the world to me. And I'll always repost. Just make sure you tag me. Until next

week, let's keep creating confidence and just remember, you can do hard things.