Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #142: How To OWN Your Voice When Others Don’t Agree with Heather!

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

My son taught me a huge lesson this week. How to own your voice and stand up for yourself even when others don’t agree! Don’t let fear guide your decision making. When faced with setbacks, it’s important to stay composed and remember that you will find a solution that works for you! You don’t have to accept what’s handed to you. And solutions that you never knew existed will reveal themselves.   Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!    To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com     See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me today. Okay, let me get right to it. So as you know, if you've been here with me for a few weeks, you know that my son recently got back from camp with a broken arm. and while this past week we had to bring him into the Miami doctor in hopes that he was going to get his cast off at the start of school. Of course it did not go that way. Of course it did not go as planned. However, it all worked out okay, but there were definitely a couple of moments where

you know when you get your mind fixated on something that this is going to happen and it's going happen on this timeline and it'll be perfect because I start school and I'll be able to write and it doesn't start going that way. In the meeting, you can see someone, including myself, you know, really deflated and down. And I want to take this opportunity to remind you that the next time that things aren't going the way you planned and you're feeling so discouraged in the moment, have faith that there is another solution or another option out there. I wish I had had that faith in the moment. So we're in the doctor's office and it's not looking good. My son's really discouraged. I'm discouraged. We had anticipated he was getting the cast off and the doctor did the x-ray and said it was not ready. And because my son

plays sports, it would really be a major risk to take it off. However, he gave me the choice in front of my son. He said, you can put another cast on it or you can put a brace on it. I really don't think you should do the brace. Well, in my opinion, if you're the expert, then why are you giving me a choice? The challenges, as you know if you're a parent, once your child hears, there's a chance you don't have to have a cast, that's the road there going down. So it definitely became tumultuous in the office. And I was really clear with my son that he had to keep the cast on because long term, I want him to heal, even though he's angry that he can't write very well for school. It's his writing hand that's broken. He wanted to be able to go back to school without a cast, of course.

So things did not go as planned. Well, the doctor says, okay, well, now I'm going to. to have my assistant come in. He's going to go ahead and set you up with a new cast and you'll be all set. I'll see you back in a couple of weeks and we'll do another x-write. So we were both really discouraged. My son was giving me the not nice look and we're sitting in there waiting for the assistant. The assistant comes in. This is so funny. Well, it's funny now. It wasn't funny that day. Can I just let you know that? In these tense moments, things don't seem very funny because you don't know what the outcome is. The outcome ended up being great and it wasn't.

grade in the moment. So we're sitting there. The assistant comes in and he pulls open a drawer of casts. They're different colors. And he says to my son, when we had gotten there, my son had a black cast. And he said, what color do you want? He said, black or a really, really dark navy blue. You know, that's it. And the guy says, oh gosh, we get a problem then. Those are the most popular cast. And they're all gone. I haven't gotten new ones in. And he had the most awful fluorescent orange, fluorescent yellow, fluorescent pink, right? Everything that a young boy going into eighth grade who hasn't seen his friends in a year does not want to walk into school with. Immediately, my head was going downtown. I was thinking, oh gosh, he's not going to want to do this. Oh,

shoot, I'm going to have to make him wear a really ugly cast. And it doesn't sound like a huge deal. However, I remember what it was like to be 14 and, you know, want to be around kids and friends. And, you know, you want to look good. You're taking pride and. And, you're taking pride and and who you're becoming as a, you know, a young person transitioning into young adulthood. And I just, I was really bummed down in my mind. However, I looked at my son very sternly and said, you know, you need to wear one of these. This is the interesting moment. He sat straight up and looked at the man, looked at me, looked back at the man and said, no, it's not going to work.

I'm not going to wear one of those. You need to help me find something that's black or really dark navy blue. I know that you guys have them because I walked in. one. He said, in fact, let's go put back together my black cast I came in here with. Can we stitch that back together? Let's find a solution. I'm not going to wear one of these fluorescent things. And I was so frustrated in my mind in the moment. However, now that I'm a step back from it, I'm so proud of my son. He wasn't yelling at anyone who was having clarity that he knew there would be a solution somehow, that we needed to stay focused on the solution and that these

options were not options for him. And so he stayed calm. I was getting very flustered because I was saying, no, you're getting a cast. And he started saying, well, how about let's just do the brace. The doctor had suggested we could do the brace. He looked at the assistant. He said, is the brace in black? And he said, yeah, the brace is in black. Well, I did not want the brace. And I looked back at the assistant. I said, but that's not going to work. He needs more protection than a brace. We've got to be able to figure something out. And he kind of shook his head. And he said, I'll be right back. And he walked out. And he was gone for a little while and I don't think my son or I said a word while he was gone. I was so concerned that he wasn't

going to put the cast on. He was so committed not to putting the fluorescent cast on. So we were at a stalemate and in my mind I was thinking, oh, why do I have such a headstrong child? Which I'm oftentimes very proud of him that he's so strong and I'm so proud of how he knows what he wants and who he is. But in that moment, I just wanted his arm recast and be able to take him home and get on with our day. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered, from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup

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Visit northwestregisteredagent.com slash confidence free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwestredgisteredagent.com slash confidence free. So the gentleman comes back in after a little while and he says, okay, I've got a new solution, one that we hadn't shared with you. We said, what is it? He said, it's halfway between a cast and halfway between a brace. It's a removable cast, and you can take it off when you take a shower. We have it in black, and ultimately it protects you as well as a cast, as long as we can trust that you will keep it on. You can't take it off all the time? That defeats the purpose. He said, can we trust you to do that? We usually reserve these for older people or adults that we know we'll

keep it on. And he said, yes, you have my word. I will. So it ended up, we found this amazing solution, which this is actually better than the cast because my son can take it off to shower and dry his skin and take care of his arm a little bit when he gets a break. But he's also basically in a cast and it's black. So it was funny because at first when we got there, he was so discouraged. He was having to get another cast put on. Then he was so discouraged that he thought he was going to have to wear something

fluorescent, only to find out he got a better option than either had been presented to us. And once we left, he wasn't even upset that he had a cast anymore. So, you know, sometimes having clarity, remaining calm, and sticking to your guns with conviction really pays off. And I personally was reminded about this because a couple of years ago, I did my first audiobook in 2018. And I hired a company called Scribe Media to help me do it because I didn't know how. They recommended a recording studio in Miami that they use.

And I went to the recording studio for as a first-time author, to read my book, having no idea what I was doing. Immediately upon entry, I did not like the vibe in the place. I didn't like the room. I had been in the radio business for over 20 years. I've been in thousands, if not tens of thousands of recording studios and production. And it was just, it was not a good vibe. It was not my mojo.

And so I must have looked flustered. A man entered into the small space recording space I was in. And he told me he thought I should lay down that I'd feel more comfortable. Well, that was all I needed to hear. I was out of there. I walked out. I knew that that's not my kind of people. That's not my kind of place. And I was not going to do a great job if I didn't feel safe and comfortable. And I didn't feel either. So I left and I never looked back. Well, apparently they had called Scribe and said she walked out and, you know, they weren't happy with me because they had reserved the studio for me and I wasn't going to do it. I jumped on the phone and

called my old radio station and said, one of my old radio stations in Miami. And I said, hey, is there any chance I could come over and record my audiobook with you guys. I had a really bad experience, and I'm under deadline. And they said, yeah, of course you can. Come over any day this week from five to nine. You know, once people are done with their job during the day, they'll help you in the evening. So I did my audiobook that way with a friend of mine, someone I had known for years, who treats me amazing, who I feel safe with, who supports me, and has great energy. And it was just, it ended up being this really positive, fun experience. So fast forward to now. a couple of weeks ago. As you know, I auditioned for my audiobook. And with the great advice from

Kendra Hall, just be yourself. I auditioned for Heather Monaghan and I got the part, which is so funny. So I got the part. I'm doing the audible. I'm so excited. It's really important to me to do the audible. But this is funny. I'm actually going to record it tomorrow. And so it gives me yet again another deadline, more work and more deadlines. And you sometimes ask yourself, why do I push myself so hard to do everything only to give myself more work and more deadlines. However, here we are. And I got a call from Harper Collins and they said, hey, we're going to be sending you over the studio we want you to record at. We work with one studio in Miami. They're great. And you'll be recording with them. Okay, great. So I went ahead and Google the studio. Guess what studio it is. It's a studio that I had that

negative experience with. And so in the back of my mind, for the last two weeks since, I've known about this. I've been thinking, okay, a number of years have passed. It's been a couple years. Things could change. It could be new people. It could be upgraded. It could be those people might not have even been with the same company. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I'm just going to try to give myself some space and hope that this must be a much better situation now. Fast forward to a couple of days ago, the head of Harper Collins Audio sends me an email and says, hey, Heather, I just spoke to the studio and they mentioned that you did not want to work with you. You them a couple of years ago. We'll pump the breaks. It seems like things didn't change. It was the same

people there, and they remembered me. So it was one of those weird predicaments where I'm a first time traditional published author, right? They don't see it the same in publishing if you self-publish. To them, that's very different, much smaller. It's not as big a deal. So for me, they see me as a first-time published author. Even though I already have a book, confidence creator out there, even though I already have done an audible book. Okay, it's just the way it is. It's a traditional business and if you haven't done it with a traditional publisher, they don't see it as merit. So I'm thinking to myself, okay, I have this amazing publisher, HarperCollins leadership, the best in the business. I'm a first time published, you know, traditional published author.

I can't really argue with them. This is what I was thinking in my mind. And then in your mind, think about how my son handled this so differently when he was in a doctor's office. I thought in my mind, okay, I shouldn't say anything. I should just try to make it work in hopes that we can. I don't want to upset Harper-Combs because in my mind, I was afraid if I come in really difficult and say, I know you do all your books here. However, I don't want to. Maybe they say, well, then Heather, maybe we don't need you to do the book and we'll have somebody else be Heather Monaghan. That was my fear. So I was letting my fear guide my decision-making, which is not the right answer. And my son did show me that firsthand this week. When he was in a doctor's office, most people would think,

oh, I should just defer to the doctor. He said, no, there's got to be a better solution here. And I need your help to find it. This isn't going to work, the one that you're offering me. That doesn't work for me. And he wasn't afraid that someone would kick back at him or say, you know, we don't agree with you. He just shared his very strong opinion. I didn't do that with this audiobook. So I basically was trying to just say, all right, let's go with the flow. Let's see what happens, let's try to make it work. I don't want to lose a part of Heather Monaghan on the audible version. Well, wouldn't you know, the head of Harper-Connes heard what happened through my point of contact. I told her the whole story. She called him and said,

no, I didn't know what was going to happen, right? She said, I'm going to call him and just talk to him, Heather. I can't make any promises. I don't know what he's going to do. You know, it was kind of up in the air. Will I get to still do the audio book if I don't go? Do I have to go there? Would they ever consider letting me go somewhere else? I don't know. And I was really discouraged and a little nervous. I was going to lose it. And then I heard back from the head of Harper-Conn's audio, he told me in an email, hey, you heard you did not have a good experience with our partner in Miami. That is not okay. We don't want you to go back anywhere where you did not have a good experience. We want you to feel comfortable. We want you to feel in a good situation.

Who did your first audible version of your book? And do you want to work with them again? So I called back out to my old producer from my old radio station. I asked if there was any chance if he was available because we are under a tight deadline. That audible book has to get done this week. And let me tell you, the deadlines with books and book publishing come fast and furious, and there really isn't a cadence or a forecast going into it. So it's sort of knee-jerk a lot, which is pretty hard when you're busy. So it had to happen this week.

I had two open days that I could actually make it happen. So the person had to fit their schedule to mine. And luckily, the person that did my first, Scotty, the person that produced my first audible book has agreed to do my new audible book with me. I had such a great experience with him. He's such a great guy, so supportive, and just a phenomenal producer with 30 years in the business. And I'm so excited that now I get to go in and do this new book with him. And it's just, it's amazing how sometimes things can work out so much better than you expect.

And I'm also reminded by my son this week that I, I need to own my voice, even when I feel intimidated, even when I'm concerned that others might not be happy with my opinion. I need to own my voice. And I want you to own your voice, too. When you're clear on how you feel, there is nothing wrong with stating that clarity and asking for solutions and saying, hey, I need your help on this one. How can we figure out a way to make this work?

The option and solution you have in front of me is not an option for me. How can we find a solution together? And it turned out that not only did my son's doctor find a solution that was even better, but Harper Collins' leadership did too. So definitely own your voice, share your voice, ask for what you want, and do it with certainty. It makes a really big difference. Okay, then today, I was at spin class this morning, and I don't know if you ever feel like this, but sometimes spin class can feel like church.

You know, I'm in Soul Cycle and they're talking about all these really meaningful things and, you know, how to trust the universe and trust yourself and put the work in and do the next right thing and things will always work. And then the spin instructor said, but make sure that you take care of yourself so no one else has to. And that really got me thinking, you know, how often do we push off the workout or we, you know, eat the crappy food or we don't go to the doctor or we don't get our taxes done on time and then suddenly we have built up stress and, you know, it's weird. things just rattle around in the back of your mind if you let them go on long enough. And when he said, if you don't take care of yourself, somebody else is going to have to, it made me start

thinking about my stress levels. And immediately, I filed an extension for my taxes 2020, and I've got to get them done. And I've been thinking about them truly every single day for at least a month now. That cannot be good for stress. So I am challenging you today. If there's something that's been rattling around in your head, maybe you haven't been working out, maybe you haven't been eating healthy, maybe you haven't done your taxes yet or whatever it is in your life, jump on it today because I will let you know I just spent the last six hours working on my taxes. I just emailed everything over to my accountant and I'm praying she comes back and says it looks good enough for her to go do her job now.

So we will see, but I definitely, I want to take care of myself so other people don't have to and I want that for you as well, for that peace of mind, for that ease and to trust the universe, trust yourself and do that next right thing. So hope this helps. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to do my audible version tomorrow. I can't wait to tell you about it. If you haven't joined my book launch team yet, you need to. Our next meeting is next Monday at 7.30 p.m. EST. It's one hour. Half of it's a talk. Half of it's live Q&A. It's really fun. We had an amazing time last week when we had our first meeting. I would love to see you there. Go to Overcome Your Villains.com to sign up. Click the link that says, join the VIP book launch team. Get signed up. I want to get you going. I can't wait to work with you.

Nobody succeeds alone. And that includes me. I appreciate your help immensely. If you could leave a review of my podcast, that would be amazing and hoping that you have the most unbelievable week this week. Keep your fingers crossed. This whole audible thing goes well. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be too.