Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #144: How To STOP Anxiety In Its Tracks with Heather!

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

Anxiety can totally come out of nowhere sometimes! But that doesn’t mean there isn’t an underlying cause. This last week I was confronted with stress levels and anxiety like I haven’t experienced since my job in corporate America. But this time, I had the tools and my 3 step process to overcoming adversity. Anxiety will always be a challenge but it is not insurmountable! Take your past experiences, take baby steps, and know you can handle it. We will not let anxiety stop us!  Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!    To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com     See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me today. Thank you. Okay, so a lot of stuff is happening.

Some good, some not so good. I'll start off with a not-so-good so that you know you're not alone if you've been having a tough time. So here's what happened based on my memory, which is, of course, memories are distorted at times, but we're only looking back two weeks. I'm hoping that it's not that distorted yet. So a couple of weeks ago, I had my board meeting for HealthLink, our quarterly board meeting, which went great. And on my way over, they are on the other side of the state for me. So I have to take a road called Alligator Alley to get there, which I've driven millions of times. It takes a couple hours to cross. When I was driving over, Over to the board meeting, halfway through the ride, the highway was shut down for a horrible accident, which is, you know, scary and awful and sad. And so I had to take the side road, whatever. Okay, make a long story longer. I go to the meetings.

I'm coming back the next afternoon. I'm driving back. And there was some kind of racing troop or I don't even know what you would say, but they were really beautiful high-end cars and they were racing one another. And there was probably 10 in a pack. and there were six different packs that went by. So on the way back, a couple hours back, there was these crazy racing cars. And they ended up, one of them got in an accident, and half the front end was on the highway. And when I tell you, my nerves were rattled.

That's an understatement. So it ended up being this really hard drive back home for me. And I've never had that happen to me before. I'm always a super confident driver, and nothing really rattles me. I mean, I feel bad, if people are in accidents, but I don't obsess about it or think about it. Well, I couldn't stop thinking about these race cars and how dangerous it was. And I felt like an old person and really started obsessing about it. And as I was driving back, I could feel myself getting so nervous and really getting anxiety. And again, that's never happened to me in my life before. So, you know, I slowed down my breathing. I ended up getting off the highway and walking around for a minute. I got a water, right? I did all the things that I thought I should do to calm down. I got back in the car and it came right back again.

Ends up being a really hard drive home. I get home. I'm fine. Okay. Fast forward to the next day thinking this is just an isolated incident. Well, the point is this is that now for the past two weeks since that situation, I sporadically will be driving and get anxiety and feel really nervous out of nowhere. So I thought to myself, this has got to be more than just what's going on with this. car situation that I saw, you know, these race cars and that I felt scared. So I got really still and started thinking, what's really bothering you? And I kept asking myself that question, what's really going on here? And it came to me, which was, I remember last year thinking, okay, Q3, Q4, 2021, my speaking business is going to be blowing up. It'll become 100% back in person, which I get paid a lot more for in person than I do virtual. And I, and I,

enjoy being in person. I like people. I'm an extrovert. I don't like, you know, having to be home and isolated all the time. It's not my thing. However, you know, for my work, everything has been virtual for over, you know, a year and a half now. And I've had one in person speaking engagement. One, since the pandemic has gone to phase two or whatever it is. I don't even know anymore. So I started thinking about this, you know, what's really bothering me and what's really bothering me is I had, I created a hope or an expectation. that come Q3, Q4 of 2021, I would be back, you know, jumping on planes, healthy, flying around, doing live events and loving it. And I will say up until a couple weeks ago, it did seem that

things were going that way. By that, I mean, it seemed like, you know, I was getting booked for a lot of in-person events. I had a lot of stuff on my calendar now that had come to, it looked like, you know, contracts were coming over. Everything was happening. And then two weeks go really aligned with this whole situation that happened with driving, all of a sudden I started getting cancellations. And what's happened is with this wave of the Delta, you know, whatever variant, people are getting really nervous for fall events again. And I'm not saying everyone, right? There's, and this is not about judging. I'm just sharing where I'm out with my business and the stress that I'm going through right now. So a number of live events that I have.

were canceled for September, October, and November over the last three weeks. And I hadn't really been sitting down and thinking about it until I started asking myself the question, what's really wrong? And at the same time, this is so crazy, about two weeks ago, a SoulCycle, which is where I work out, announced that our studio would be going to max 50% capacity. And here's why, you're probably thinking, why is that a big deal? Well, it just felt like one more sign that things aren't getting better. They're getting worse, right? Because when we first started spinning after the pandemic, we were on a rooftop and it was beautiful and we were socially distanced. Then they put us in a warehouse and we were still socially

distanced, but it was getting more normal. Then you could only go to spin if you wore a mask. Then they put us back in a studio at 50% capacity. Then it went to 100% capacity. Then it went to no masks. And now it's back to masks in 50% capacity. So I feel like, all right, wait a minute, things are unwinding again. Things were progressively getting better and better. And I was so optimistic and excited. Now again, I wasn't sitting around intentionally processing this stuff. This is only now that I'm reflecting because I started getting such bad anxiety. I had to ask myself what's going on. So I just consciously didn't even realize all of this stuff was happening, but as my workout situation started unraveling, as all my live events started canceling, as, you know,

all of these things that I thought were going to be so different for right now and seeing that things aren't turning out the way that I thought. And here, there is another variable, this variant that nobody expected. And for some people, maybe it's not impacting them, but for my business, you know, it happens to be. And it just felt as I sat there asking myself, what's really wrong? I got it. It just felt like I was so hopeful things were getting better. They did start getting much better. And now here we are, they're not getting better anymore. And it's just that roller coaster feeling of just being completely out of control and not knowing how to project, anticipate, and manage business going forward felt really out of control is the only

way I can articulate this. So as I sat there thinking to myself, okay, so I'm feeling like everything's out of control. And then I saw this whole racing situation on the highway and then the car accident that really was jarring to me. And then I had such stressful ride home, the rest of that ride home, that it didn't just disappear overnight. Now, here, gosh, I don't want to be. screw with you and make you feel nervous driving. Please don't take this on. However, I thought to myself, okay, I know I've had anxiety or stress at different parts of my life, right? And I know that in moments it's fine. That's no big deal. It's totally normal. However, you don't want it to get a death grip on you and drive you crazy and consume you so you need to take action steps to address it.

And this really goes back to my new book, Overcome Your Billons. It's all about the three-step process to overcome any adversity back beliefs, action, not. So number one, I identified the belief, right? This belief that I can't drive. I'm too nervous to drive. Everything's out of control. That's not true, right? That was a belief that was occurring in the moment because I saw that accident, because those race cars, and because a lot of things in my life seemed to be going the complete opposite of what I had projected, anticipated, and planned on and really expected to happen, which I should know better. Can't expect things to go one certain way. But when I really got to the core belief here, I realized, none of this is true. It's just all in my mind. And it's all about this fear of being out of control. So the more I could process that and look at it for what it was, it helped. And then I say to myself, okay, belief identified. I dismantled the belief, the false belief. I got to fact, which makes me feel a little bit better. Now, what action can I take? And for me, I just think, okay, I need to drive. Right. I get in the car and drive. And I also

googled and researched this, and apparently it's a thing that when people go through really stressful events or see a car accident that this can trigger something within them, clearly it did with me. And so I just thought to myself, it's like a little kid. If you fall off a bike and never get back on, you're never going to ride a bike again, and that's not okay. So I need to step into fear. I know that's the answer. And I need, and that will help me to minimize it to see it was never real. However, I'm sure, as you know, when you get anxiety or really nervous, it's hard sometimes to calm your body. So I was working on breathing. I started pulling out my Headspace app again. If you guys don't have this, please download it. It's so good. I think there's a free version and a paid

version, but it's super helpful in regards to daily meditation, which I am not great at. I'm definitely not great at that. So I'm having to immerse myself in all these things that I'm not the best at, which is funny. And so I started, you know, pulling out my meditation app again, pulling out, I have hypnosis tracks that I was using back when I worked in corporate America with that villain, and I was super stressed out all the time. So I'm like pulling all these things from out in my recycle bin that I used to use when I was back in corporate America, super stressed. And now I'm using them to help calm me down in this instance. And so I know it will get better, right? And I keep focusing on that. So these action steps that I'm taking are going to help. And I know

over time, it will improve. And then finally, the three-step process beliefs, action, and knowledge, and then what knowledge are you surrounding yourself with to help support yourself? And so I kept researching more and more about, you know, how to manage really high levels of stress. And, you know, it's just, it's not unique to me. That's for sure. And it's not unique to this pandemic either. And then the other point is that we've all been living through a pandemic for a year and a half. And there is some level of you know, everyone can handle stress, but then when it goes on for really prolonged periods of time, you feel a little worn down or you're a little bit more vulnerable or susceptible to stressing yourself out too much because it's just been going on for a while. And I think all these things

contributed. And I'll tell you that it's funny, yesterday I had a great day and driving was not a problem at all and everything was good. And I felt like, oh, thank gosh, this is amazing. And then I woke up this morning just feeling a lot of stress. And I thought, wow, it's so interesting how from day to day, things can change so drastically. Again, I know this isn't permanent. I know it's temporary. I know if I keep doing the next right thing, it's going to pass. It's going to get better. If I ask for help when I need it, right? All these tools that we know we have. But it's just, it's so interesting to me at 47 years old to realize how things we take for granted, like driving or just not feeling stressed out. can suddenly change based upon things that are happening around us that we have no control over.

So that reminded me, focus on the things you can control, focus on gratitude, focus on the positives, focus on working out, focus on deep breathing, focus on knowing that other times in your life you went through really hard moments. They might not have been just like this one, but you survived it, right? It was temporary. This two shall pass. I know in my heart of hearts, all of that is true. However, it is different, right, when you're, like, knee-deep in it. And it's just, okay, focus on, you know, taking it inch by inch, life's a cinch.

That's what I was saying to myself the other day. I was saying that. And you are saved. Everything is good, right? Like, trying to just really remind myself these basic truths that I know in theory, but for whatever reason when I was getting stressed out, I was forgetting about them. I hope you can relate to that. So then I, as I mentioned, I had a ton of on-site live speaking engagements,

cancel. And it happened really quickly. And I was so optimistic because I was getting so many booked. And then I have my, this is my second in-person speaking engagements happening this week. I'm super excited for it. But I did just get a call from the woman who's in charge. And she told me, she said, Heather, I just wanted to let you know. We're changing the venue because of COVID. So many people are scared to be in person and they want to zoom in instead. She said, I'm hoping you'll still be able to come and we'll max the room out to 50 people. We'll have everyone socially distance. And I said, yeah, no, of course, I'll be there and looking forward to it.

But it was kind of, it was sort of a bummer, right, to hear that I was so excited. You know, maybe this would be a little bit larger, like more back to what I remember, you know, in 2019. And no, it was it was unwinding. But still, it'll be a positive because I do get to be in person. And I am super excited about that because it's been a while. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day.

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My last in-person speaking engagement was a few months ago. So I have excited. It's going to be a challenge because now I've become so conditioned to doing everything on Zoom, which is so crazy. But like anything, when you haven't done it for a while, you feel like you're starting over, but you're starting over with experience. And it will get better. And there will be some nerves, but I'll choose to see them as excitement, not nerves.

And I am excited for it. So hoping that things are going well for you this week. I also wanted to share. This was sort of interesting. As you know, my first book, Confidence Creator, I did the audio version. Of course, I did the audio version. It was my book. Why wouldn't I?

Right? Well, back then, I didn't have a podcast. Back then, I wasn't on air all the time the way I have been now for the last two years. So what was funny is when I signed with Harper Collins leadership, I assumed I would be the voice of the book, Overcome Your Villains. Well, come to find out, you have to audition that not every author gets to be the voice. So I called my friend Kendra Hall because she's been where I want to go. She is an author for Harper Collins Leadership, and she did the audio version. And I said, what do I, what advice can you give me? They want me to audition. I don't know what to do. And she said, just be yourself and don't go too fast. Super simple. And so I took her advice. I sent it in. I got it. Well, this is crazy. So my first book confidence creator, when I was working with a company called Scribe to help me self-publish, and they sent me to this one recording location. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago. And I felt very uncomfortable there. I didn't like it. And I ended up walking out, which I'm so glad I did that, right? Because if you don't feel safe,

you don't feel comfortable. You're not going to be your most creative best self ever. Just that's the way it is. So always remove yourself. Trust your instinct. Listen to yourself. Right. This is not for me. I'm out of here. So I left. Fast forward to Harper Collins leadership sends me a note. Okay, Heather, you've got the green light to do the audio version. We're super excited. Here's the location. We want you to go. What dates work for you? And I notice it's that place I walked out of that I didn't like. But I thought, okay, be open minded. This is a couple of years I've gone back. It could be new people. It could be everything. The vibe could be different. I'm different. Who knows? I'm going to try to be open-minded and positive and not put too much concern to it right now. Well, what ends up happening is they call the schedule me and the place remembered me and remembered I walked out.

So I get a call from Harper-Colns leadership. Oh, Heather, apparently you didn't like the recording studio or the people or whatever. And, you know, we're a little concerned. And I was concerned because I didn't want to upset at, you know, new to Harper-Colns leadership. I didn't want to upset them, but it was true, right? I didn't like it, and I didn't feel good there. Thankfully, they said, is there somebody else you would like us to consider to record your book? And who did your first one? And that's when, oh, my gosh, all the lights went on in my head. I was so excited because my first book, what I ended up doing was I worked in the radio business for over 20 years.

And in Miami, I have a bunch of radio stations here that I ran for 14 years, right? So I know all these people really well. I called one of my old stations. I said, hey, is there any chance I could record my audio book with you guys? Whenever it works for your schedule, you know, it would mean the world to me. They set it up. One of my really talented producers actually did it for me every day after work for a week until we got it done. I felt super comfortable, super happy.

It was great, right? And back then I had never, I wasn't doing a podcast, right? I didn't have any experience in this. So it was so wonderful to have someone I trusted with me. me, someone who I knew had my best interest at heart. And it really helped. So I told HarperCollins leadership, I'd love it. If I could do the recording with my old producer, Scotty, he did my first one.

He's incredibly talented. And I promise this will be off the charts good. And they said yes. So this past week, I have been recording in studio with Scotty every day. And it's been great. And it's one of those funny things where the first time I did it, I was still a little nervous. I didn't know how I would sound or how it would come out. But this time I'm going in, I've already done an audible book before, Confidence Creator.

I've had a podcast now for two years. So that's a lot of being behind the mic, being on your toes, coming up with things on your own, right? Not scripted, which I think is super helpful. And then Harper Collins leadership said to me, Heather, we're going to give you creative flexibility with the audiobook. book. And I said, so you're basically telling me I can do what I want. And they said, well, basically, you know, as long as we get it back and it sounds good, yeah. So what I did, I'm super excited for you to hear this. And I told Scotty about, you know, Harper Collins'

leadership sent him what they wanted me to read. But then I told him, listen, I listened to the David Goggins book. And one of the cool things he did, I don't think he did the audible version of the book, but at the end of every chapter, he'd do a like cut to behind the scenes, here's what's happening right now. Because I actually wrote this book now. It's over a year ago, right, that I really wrote it probably even longer. So some of the stuff, there's more information that's been updated since then. So I thought it would be cool to add that in. So I told Scotty, I said, listen, I'll read each chapter, give me a moment to take a breath, and then I'm going to go behind the scenes and let the reader know what's happening now. So I did the first chapter.

I cut to behind the scenes. And I talked about, you know, my opinion on what I had written and, you know, what had changed and what was happening. And I stopped. And I said, okay, that's chapter one and the behind the scenes were good. And Scotty said to me, wait a minute, where do you have this stuff written down for behind the scenes? I said, oh, I didn't write anything down. I just thought it would be cool to read the chapter, because I haven't read the book now in a couple of months, read the chapter, and then just speak to whatever comes to my heart and mind, right? Talk about, oh, this is what stuck out to me or, gosh, it's so funny that this was a year ago because here's what's happened since then. I said, I just figured it would be better if I did it

on the fly as just the real me versus scripting something out. And he loved it and I loved it. And it was so funny also because I had this big idea in my mind that there was one chapter. I was really going to struggle with reading. And I decided that was going to be awful and I was not going to be able to do it. However, it did not go that way. I was able to get through that chapter that I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to read. But at the end of the book, the last chapters where I had a breakdown, I was bawling, and I didn't realize that I was going to respond that way. It was so incredibly emotional for me to read that chapter. And it just, wow, I wasn't prepared for it. So it was kind of interesting that in your mind you plan for these things, like you think you know what's going to happen. And so often it is never the way that you first see. Some of it was much easier than I thought. And then that one chapter was much harder than I thought about. And maybe it's because I was intentionally not trying to think about that. So kind of crazy. But here's the big takeaway that I wanted to share with you, which is I wasn't a rookie going into this one. My first audiobook, I had never done audio before, right? So that was.

was big to take that on. And I'm so glad I did it because it set me up to be that much better this time. And then in the interim, doing two years of a podcast and being able to add lib on my feet in the moment help set me up to do a better job on the behind the scene. So all of these different things, all the work that you're putting in, all the grind, everything that you're working towards every day, you can't always forecast where you're going. But when you get there, you can look back, connect the dots and see how it all made such sense and prop you up to be that best version of yourself in that next moment. So I'm super grateful. I'm grateful that you're listening to this today. I can't wait for you to hear the new audio version of my book. It is going to be the best.

And then, oh my gosh, one other great thing I forgot to mention to you, my podcast is powered by ACAST and my team at ACAS and I had a call about a week ago. And they were telling me that Amazon was looking to make some selections and highlight some podcast hosts that happen to have new books coming out at the end of 2021. So luckily, we were able to talk about my book and share, you know, what was happening with the book and they were able to pitch me. Now, I have no idea if I'll get it, but these are those strange moments that you never know what opportunity could come tomorrow or what could happen today that you weren't expecting because something like this could literally change the trajectory of your business, of your podcast, of your book, or whatever it is you're

working on, these small things that are out there that oftentimes we don't even know about, so we don't even get to submit for. In this situation, I was submitted. I don't know if I'll get it. I'm sure thousands of people submitted, right? But it would be game changing, game making to get something like this. So keep your fingers crossed. And if you could please rate and review the show, it would mean the world to me. I don't know if you've signed up yet, but when you pre-order Overcome Your Villains at Overcomervillains.com, you can join up for my VIP launch team there. I have live Zoom trainings, live QNA, every other week we're doing these are amazing. And also, you get my free $500 bonus bundle, which includes my $299 confidence creator video course, my 30-day

email program, my Overcome Your Villains workbook, my, oh, you get to that. the first chapter of the book for free. So you get all this stuff for free. However, it will not be this way. You know, moving forward, I will be pulling the free bonus bundle because we're trying to drive our pre-sales. So if you could pre-order, and I would suggest the audible version, for sure, if you can, if you like audiobooks, you'll definitely like this one. Check it out. When you pre-order, you get the $500 bonus bundle. And when you join the VIP launch team, you get an invite to all of my live Zoom meetings and Zoom trainings. And I will. would love to see you there. So until next week, keep creating confidence, and you know, I'll be working that grind with you.