Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #154: How You Can Create Confidence In Your Business Relationships With Heather!

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

This week I was forced to ask myself, what do we do in the face of rejection? When we experience failure in our business, we must turn inwardly and ask ourselves what we can do differently. Today we are going to dismantle our beliefs and get down to the facts in order to form successful relationships in business. Join me as we uncover the best ways to innovate and add value to your client’s life, while owning and acknowledging your mistakes. We can find a plan that works with the anxiety and adversity we face and take action today! Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!    To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you are back with me this week. Okay, so this was an interesting week. I got a call from a friend yesterday who was going through a hard time with her business. and I want to share it to you because it actually came up twice this week. I was actually leading a workshop earlier in the week for a class and this topic came up. So when something comes up a few times in my week, I definitely feel like I need to share with you. So my friend had been fired, right?

And listen, there's many ways to be fired. You know, you can get fired from a corporate job or you can, as an entrepreneur or business owner, you can have a client fire you, right? So when I was in the radio business, it would happen. There's attrition, right? We call it attrition. And there's a turnover, a percentage of your business that turns over, whether it be monthly, quarterly or annually. And you always need to look at those percentages versus previous quarters, years, and find ways to tighten that number up. I mean, our goal is zero, right? We want everybody to be a raving fan. However, that is definitely not always the way that it turns out. So when I was in

the radio business, I started out as an account executive. And I'll never forget the first time I lost a big client. It was crushing. I took it completely personally, right? I was so devastated. I decided they hated me. And, you know, I did not handle it well. Fast forward to, you know, 20 years later, I was a chief revenue officer of a media company. We had thousands of employees, thousands of clients, and a percentage of our business turned over every month. it was my job to find strategies in ways to decrease that number and incentivize people to stay with us. However, over that time, I handled, quote unquote, you know, getting fired or having someone cancel a contract very differently than when I first started out. So as I had more experience, I was able to detach from the personal element, right? And that's so critical in business. It's not personal. It is business. And when you're able to give yourself that person, perspective and step back from things, you can see where something went wrong, where there was miscommunication, what you need to take ownership of, right? Because there's always going to be two

sides and two perspectives to any business partnership or business dealing or any dealing, you know, for that matter. So when you're able to give yourself that perspective, to not take it personally, and to step back and reevaluate, I also call that basically the client moratorium, which is in business, no matter what business you're in, you need to do this. You need to do a deep dive into what went wrong. What did I do incorrectly? What can I do better moving forward? And how can I disseminate this information to my team so that other people on the team don't make the same mistakes and understand that, listen, everybody does things incorrectly from time to time. We don't necessarily set expectations properly on the front end. We miscommunicate during our business dealings. And sometimes we don't

pay attention to clients because we assume everything's going great. There's a ton of different reasons why things could come off the rails. So during this time and during my time in the media business, one of my goals was obviously to decrease our attrition number, our turnover number, the amount of times we got fired in a month, and increased the number of times that I picked up and pillaged the great clients for my competitors. Because not only did I have attrition in my business, All of my competitors did too, just like all of your competitors do too, right? So I used to target and focus, okay, who are the biggest clients out there? And I'll never forget, Geico at the time was one of the biggest spenders in radio.

And I didn't get very much money from them. I needed a much larger piece of that pie. In order to do that, I was going to need them to ultimately fire another media company so that they could double, triple down on me. And that ended up happening to a certain extent and definitely spiked my revenues, spiked my business. But like anything, when you grow one client to be such a massive part of your business, it's also really scary because if you lose that piece of business, it's one person making a decision and your business crumbles, right? So that's the beauty of having a large client, and it's also the

fear factor of having a large client. So to make a long story longer, you know, one of the things I learned is that it's critical to make your clients feel important. It's critical, no matter if they've been with you one week or 10 years, to let them know how important their business is to you, to recognize what's important to them, to be there, to hear how things are going for them, to innovate and add value, to bring new partnership to them, to communicate really well and really often what's going on from your perspective and your contacts and your industries and how you can add value. value to them. Someone who does a really good job of this in my world is SoulCycle. That's where I go to spin since the pandemic has been back open. And one of the things I noticed from a business perspective, they do really, really well. They constantly congratulate you. So, for example, if I went in there and I had a hundred classes in a row, they'll have a little party for you, right? They're always rewarding the behavior they want, number one, right? So they're doing something to say, hey, Heather, great job, keep up this good work, which benefits them. I'm their client. I'm spending

money with them. They post your name publicly. They want to make it known how much they appreciate you. They make it personalized. Each one of the employees comes over and says something, right? They make you really feel wanted, noticed, seen, and appreciated. Every business needs to make clients feel that same way. However, when we all get busy, we forget, right? We get caught up in, I'm moving 900 miles an hour. I'm trying to create a new revenue stream. I'm dealing with difficulty over here, whatever it is. And we forget that basic fundamental that if you're not taking care of your client, somebody else will. And that's how I was able to land some big clients back in the media business is I knew if I was getting attrition, these other companies are as well. I need to start

forging a relationship with these big advertisers I don't have yet and showing them how different I am, than their existing partners because I care because I'm going to add value in a different and unique way because I take out a Google alert on their business so that I know what's going on in their world and I can be there to cheer them on and basically differentiate myself from their current partner in my competition. And through doing that in a very consistent fashion, I was able to quote unquote steal some clients from my competitors. And it's, a great way because I promise you this, the majority of businesses aren't running like Soul Cycle where there's this constant feedback and constant cheering on and noticing and rewarding

the behavior you want and personal touch and personal notes. That is not the norm. Right. The norm is just average and you've got to be better than the norm, better than average if you want to differentiate yourself and your business. And this is a really smart way to do it because not only do you cut down on your attrition, which every business will have attrition, right? But not only will you cut down on that, but you will also, you'll also forge partnerships and relationships where ultimately that client is now an evangelist for your business. That client has so much confidence in you and trust and faith in you that they're out there trying to help you get business, which makes your life so much easier, right?

So again, I get a phone call for my friend who's very upset that she got fired by a client. And I listened to our, as always, I let people empty their glass, you know, give me everything, put it all on the table, and she was highly emotional. And I listened to the whole thing. And then I asked her to stop. And I said, you know, number one, separate business and emotion. You're not looking at this objectively. That was the number one step, right?

And again, a lot of experience with this. So it's a little bit easier for me now. it's harder when you're just starting. So I said, number one, do not take it personally. Number two, there's two perspectives to this, the client's perspective and yours. What I want you to do so that you can get better from this situation is to sit down and write. What are all the things that you did wrong? Stop pointing your finger at the other person. Stop looking at why they're a jerk or why they made the wrong decision. Start pointing the finger at you. What could you have done differently? What could you have done better? What could you have done to get ahead of this so that it never actually happened?

Right. And when you turn this into a learning lesson, a client moratorium, you're a deep dive into why, what did we do to screw this up? You can learn from it. You can help your team and yourself improve so that you do cut down on attrition in the future. Then the next step is you're basically suffering an imagined trouble or an imagined problem when you're sitting there saying, okay, I just got fired. I'm heartbroken that I lost this business. I don't want to lose this client. You know, I thought we were friends or we thought whatever. You're suffering something that you don't have the answers to yet. And I hear about this all the time from so many of my different clients, my different friends. And I've done it too, right, where we are deciding for others without having

the conversation, without letting a little time pass to see what's going to happen. By that, here's what I mean. And this is exactly what I said to her. You believe wholeheartedly in your product and you believe you did a great job of your client, correct? And she says, yes, correct. Okay, you believe you're the best of the best out there. Yes, correct, she says. Then stop crying and start noticing that if that is the case, right, I don't know, but if that is the case and you are that much better than your competitors and now this person's, your client's going to a competitor, give it a little time, mend that bridge, you know, forge that relationship, get that relationship back on track. Even if that person is not your client, that's fine, right? You want to own the

mistakes you made. Stand up like the adult that you are and say, here's where things went wrong. I want to apologize for us. I did not intend to do this. I dropped the ball. I understand why you're firing me and going to somebody else. You know, own whatever it is you did incorrectly and get all the information from that client so you can learn and grow from it. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with Lux Essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup

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So do that next right thing. But also, here's why. If this person really is the best in the business, the client that just fired this person is going to go to a competitor. And suddenly, I don't know if it's going to be in a month, two months, six months. The client's going to say, this isn't as good as my last partner. Wait a minute. What's going on?

You need to do better. And then that person's going to put pressure on that competitor to have them get better. and people will only rise to the level at which they can. If a team or a company doesn't have the resources, doesn't have the talent, doesn't have the vision, whatever it is, if they're not as good as you in your company and your product, you want that relationship to be intact so that client can say, maybe I made a rash decision here. Maybe I shouldn't have fired my original partner. Let me open up dialogue again and see if maybe I go back. So don't suffer the imagine trouble. This person was already projecting a year down the road.

that they're never going to speak again and that the client hates them. And that's not real. All we know, and this is a big part of my book, right? My new book, Overcome Your Villains, if you have not pre-ordered, pre-order now, while you can get the bonus material, it's so flipping good. Okay, here's the thing. The book is all about the proven, powerful, three-step process to overcome any adversity. That first step is around beliefs. And this is what I was initially dealing with her on is that she was creating a belief in a story that

wasn't real. So she was managing this massive problem that didn't really exist. So step one, and I teach so clearly in the book, is you need to deconstruct that belief to the only fact that is there. Right. So get to the bottom of what actually is factual. When we did that with her, there was no suffering around she would never speak to this person again. That's not real. That was something that she was suggesting could happen. That's not a fact. Get me to the fact. The fact is you were fired by your client. Okay, that happens to people every day. Got it. Okay, what other facts are there? And we started going through the very basic facts. And these facts included where she had gone wrong, right? Not pointing that finger out at the client, pointing the finger in. And she made that list of

facts. And we looked at the facts and said, okay, made some mistakes. Definitely could have handled this better. Maybe didn't appreciate this client enough. Or maybe on the flip side, maybe was bending over backwards too much for the client because it was a good client that we lost our boundaries, right? And that we were allowing ourselves to not be treated great. We gave away so much for free. They started devaluing us, right? So there's a lot of different things that can happen. People will treat you the way you teach them to. And in many situations, if a client is treating you very poorly, that's a time to fire that villain, fire that client, right? Those those are situations that come up with attrition all the time. I've fired many clients in my life because

dealing with someone who has unrealistic expectations or doesn't hold to their word or isn't an ethical business person, that's a villain in my life and that's not someone I want to do business with. Right. So there's many ways attrition can happen and some of it's positive, some of it's negative, but it's all a learning experience. And this is all part of building a successful business and something I want you to look at for your business because it just, hits me over the head so clearly that soul cycle's doing it really, really well. You know, the rewarding the behaviors they want, showing client appreciation, personal touch. They're doing a really good job with me as their client. And then I'm hearing my friend's story this week about how

she was fired. A lot of these pieces weren't in place. So great opportunity to learn from it. Great opportunity to break it down. Look at all of the facts to stop suffering the imagine trouble that doesn't exist. And that's so, so important in business and in life. And listen, hey, we all do it once in a while. We decide for someone else that they're mad at us or that they don't want to work with us anymore. Another client of mine had her account hacked. Her business account was hacked. She reached out to all of our clients letting them know, you know, your information is at risk right now. I'm solely responsible for this. I feel terrible about it. However, here's the steps that we can take. I'm communicating right now to get this on your radar so that we can address this.

I would love for you to stay with me as my partner. I promise that we can work through this together and I'll make it up to you. And everybody but one client responded to her right away. So she decided the client that didn't respond had fired her, didn't want to do business with her anymore. Come to find out a couple weeks later, she hears from the client. The client was out of town on vacation and had shut off her email for that window of time. So it was funny, we can't suffer the imagined troubles because they don't exist.

We have to wait for the facts to show up. And again, back to overcome your villains. This is the powerful and proven three-step process to overcome any adversity. Step one is dismantle that belief, boil it down to the actual facts that exist. And it's a really, really important step that I want you to start with. Okay. So I believe my friend felt better after the conversation. This is actually a learning opportunity, an opportunity to grow.

And to remind herself, if you believe that strongly in your business and your product service, you have nothing to worry about because now you have the opportunity to bring on other clients where before you were maxed out. So again, see it as a learning experience. Do not take it personal and everyone gets fired at one point in time, whether it be like me from corporate America or as a business owner losing a client. It's totally normal and it's just an opportunity for us to see what can we do better. How can we grow and learn? And how do we get to that next level? Okay. So that was an important story I wanted to share with you. And I, as I mentioned, I was leading a workshop, this week for our class. And we really were diving into three different things. The whole concept was,

one, creating confidence in yourself, two, creating confidence in your employees, in your team, and three, creating confidence in your customers. And the third part, the one creating confidence in your customers, really was lending itself to the same conversation I had with my friend that, you know, we want our customers to be out there and be our evangelist. We want them to help us recruit new customers because they're raving fans and they love working with us. How do we build that relationship? How do we foster that relationship? How do we create customers that are running through walls telling people about us? And it starts with managing expectations on the front end, communication and overcommunication, rewarding the behaviors that we want, right? And to that end,

this is funny, this was a virtual workshop. And at first, no one was engaging with me when I was asking questions during the virtual workshop. And so I was really frustrated and thinking, okay, how can we get them to engage? So we decided to give them an incentive to give something away for every person that engaged, raised their hand and answered a question, didn't matter if it was right or wrong, just participated. They would get an award, something for free, something valuable for free. Well, guess what? Immediately every hand on that seminar went up. And it was such a a reminder for me that not only do you need to do that with customers, you need to do it with students, with your team, with your employees, you know, with everyone. Reward the behavior that you're looking

for. Give people a reason to act now, and they will. So it was really interesting that both in the virtual workshop that this came up and then also with my friend. But, you know, it's just the reminder, reward the behavior that you want. Take great care of the customers that you have. Communicate and overcommunicate, always add value and don't assume when you assume that is the death, because that's when you're suffering the imagine trouble that doesn't really exist. Okay, have you been listening to my show for a while? You know that about a month ago I started having super stress, and I was freaking out and was actually, I was getting anxiety when I was driving.

It was just total overwhelm. So I took action, which is step number two, and overcome your villains's three-step process Right. Number one is dismantle the beliefs. Number two is take action. And what I did was I took action to address this issue around anxiety. And there was a number of different things I did, right, because I didn't know which ones would be most effective or work in a short term or long term, whatever. So I thought, have a multi-prong approach because then I have a better shot at success. So I started with meditating, right, which I'm not great at. But that was one element that I could incorporate, you know, five minutes a day, whatever, making exercise and taking care of myself a priority. So drinking more

water, being more mindful of drinking less caffeine, right? Like all the different things that you can do from a consumption standpoint. Then getting enough sleep could impact. Then I contacted my hypnotist who I hadn't used in years. And he's amazing. So I've been working with him the past few weeks. And it's helped immensely, just unbelievable how much that's helped. Then I started. Then I started. started incorporating supplements. I was taking theanine, holy basil, and something else. I can't remember what the other one. But there was one more. And again, you can get all these things at Whole Foods. Now that it's been a month, I'm doing so much better. So I don't know which element helped me the most. I kind of think it was the hypnosis, but I'm not positive. But I do believe that it's the

entirety of all the different things is what's helped me to transition through this really difficult time into a much better one and now I'm much more hopeful that it's going to get even better, right? So again, the first step is to dismantle that belief to the fact. What is there that's a fact. And number two, take action. And for me, I believe in multi-prong action, right? I just don't believe that if you're having anxiety and stressing out, sitting around and doing nothing is going to figure it out. It's not. You know, what are the action steps you can take today for whatever adversity or challenge you're facing, and maybe it's not just one action step, maybe like me you want to take a few different ones because you're not sure which one is going to give you the result that you want,

you need, and you deserve. So I hope that helps for whatever adversity that you are facing right now. And I have to tell you, we are about a month out now from the new book, Overcome Your Villains coming out. I'm freaking out. It's definitely, we're getting into stressful window. We have the audio book done, which I'm so appreciative of. I'm so grateful that's behind us. You know, the book is actually, I've had, I have advanced copies. I've been able to send people and I'm giving a lot out on my book launch team. So if you're not a part of my VIP book launch team yet, go to Overcome Your Villains.com, scroll to the bottom of the page, join. And there's a really good chance you're going to get an advanced copy of this book. The reviews have been unbelievable so far. Of course, I know there's going to be some negative ones. The haters always come when you create. because it's so much easier to criticize and create. We know that. I'm going to let that go, but I'm going to focus on the good stuff, which is, I've heard this book is better than my first one,

which when you create something you don't know, right? You only have your perspective. I was so grateful to hear that super appreciative. And to everybody that's been sharing the book with others, to everyone that's pre-ordered, I can't thank you enough. You have no idea how much work goes into not only pitching the book, right, doing the book proposal, pitching myself to my agent,

but then going to marketplace and pitching to publishers. then writing the book, then editing the book, then fighting over or negotiating over the cover and the title and the audiobook and auditioning for the audio book and then promoting the book is a tremendous amount of work. So any help that you can give me in sharing the word about the book and helping with ideas, I'm so grateful. It means the world to me because no one succeeds alone, and that definitely includes me. And while I'm not in the dark anymore like I was with my first book, you know, I had no idea what I was doing with Confidence Creator. I did it by myself, and I had never written a book or published a book. This time, it's my second book, so I have a little

knowledge, but I have a team of people at HarperCollins leadership that are experts in this. So, you know, what's funny about that is while it's better, right, doing something the second time, it's less scary and you feel better set up for success, there's more pressure, right? Because anytime you start getting a little bit of success under your belt, right, it raises the bar on the expectations. And from my first book, my expectations were if this helps one person, then it was worth it. I mean, really, I was trying to lower the pressure myself. I wanted to do a lot better than that, but that's what I would say to myself. And I actually wrote that at the end of the book. Fast forward to now, they said, we need 7,000 copies pre-sold before November 1st, right? It gets real specific and the pressure is on. We're having weekly meetings. You know, it's a different ballgame, just like anything that you're doing. When you start out as a rookie, people aren't going to put a lot of hope or pressure on you. But when you have a little success and it's time for that next round, that's when the pressure comes in. So definitely looking at pressure dead in the eye and doing some things to alleviate.

it, as I mentioned, and take it on. Oh, and, you know, one other thing I forgot to mention to you, my hypnotist, who's an amazing guy, Todd Goodwin, if you want to check him out, he does do virtual appointments and has some programs you can get virtually. He, that was not an ad, by the way, he was teaching me this new exercise I had never done before. And basically, here's the concept. Say you're struggling with something. And so in this case, we were talking about my driving and whatnot. And so he's saying, Heather, what do you think this is really stemming from? I said, I think it's really stemming from the pandemic, being in my house all the time. I'm used to traveling and being out with people. I think I'm just so annoyed about the pandemic and just this

window of time and life. It's really frustrating for me. My business was really taking off right before the pandemic and then it really slowed down immensely. And it's been challenging. And he said, why don't you do an exercise for me that's going to rewire your brain so that you actually are excited about this time instead of frustrated about it? Right. That could help alleviate some pressure and anxiety from your life. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, start focusing on what's right. So I said, well, how do I do that? And he explained that instead of sitting here and saying everything that's bad about the pandemic or this window of time or virtual work, let's write down every single thing that's amazing about it. And at first I said,

no, there isn't anything. There's nothing. The whole thing stinks and it's awful for everybody. And he said, but that's not true. That's what you're telling yourself right now. So you do get to be with your son so much more. You can do multiple keynotes in a day now because you don't have to jump on a plane. You can podcast from your house, which means when you have time in one week, you can get 10 episodes done where before I was flying everywhere to do it. Right. So when he gave me his perspective on it, I had to pause for a moment and say, you're right. So the exercise, and I strongly suggest you try this, too, if you're struggling with something, you're mad at something or someone or, you know, whatever our situation or frustrated by it, instead of focusing on everything that's wrong about

it and how it's bringing you down negatively impacting you, force yourself, because I had to force myself. I did not want to do it. I was not excited to sit down and write out why I'm happy about the pandemic and being on virtual Zoom, everything. But by forcing myself to sit down and very granularly, specifically write down the really good things that have resulted from this window of time and how there are some very tangible benefits for me, even though things didn't shape up the way I thought they would. There are some things that I have to admit are good, right? Even though I don't want to admit it, but I have to admit. So the more you force yourself to look at it from the other perspective, the more you write it down, the more you start rewiring your brain

such that, and you need to keep revisiting it, right? It's not going to happen just in one moment, but as you keep revisiting it, then you start reframing how you see it. And I just started doing this this week. It definitely was not something I was excited about, as I mentioned, but I can see the positive impact that it's micro having now and can macro have in the future if I keep doing this, right? If I keep revisiting it from this angle, you're going to train yourself and retrain yourself to see it differently. So I hope that helps you with any difficult situation you're facing or any chance. that you're only seeing negatively right now, try to see it from that other vantage point, force yourself to sit down and write out the specifics that you are benefiting from,

and keep revisiting that. And hopefully, the same way that it's impacting me in a positive way, it helps you to start seeing things in a more positive way too. Okay, until next week, I hope you keep creating your confidence. You know I will, and you know it's not always easy. If you haven't pre-ordered, Overcome Your Villains yet, it would mean the world to me. go to Overcome Your Villains.com and you get my $500 bonus pack for free when you pre-order as a big thank you because I appreciate you.