Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #160: Step Into Your FEARS With Heather!

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Doing the right thing, not necessarily the easy thing  How to go BIGGER & do more Eliminating your fears Resources: Review this podcast on Apple Podcast using this LINK and when you DM me the screen shot, I buy you my $299 video course as a thank you!  To pre-order Overcome Your Villains NOW and get the bonus bundle click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes: With so much happening it’s easy to forget about the past! On today’s episode I share a chapter from my very first book, Confidence Creator, as it gave me the strength and confidence to write my latest book, Overcome Your Villains. I want you to reflect on where you were three years ago, and how FAR you’ve come! I’ve grown so much, and I can’t wait to share my journey with you.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my question. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. Okay, so as usual, a lot going on this week. And something really special happened that I wanted to share with you.

I thought it was so cool. Okay. So I've been sending emails out to everybody in my email list. If you're not on my email list, go to heathermonahan.com and you can sign up. And I've been sending out and ask, basically, could you please pre-order my book? And I'm individually sending it out to people. Okay, make a long story logger. You know, sometimes you forget about years ago, right?

So I don't think much about 2018 or 2017. I'm always living in now. Well, the coolest thing happened. And I have to share it with you because I, I know that I forget sometimes, you know, paying it forward, doing the right thing is the right thing to do, but sometimes it's not, it's not the easiest thing, right? It takes time and effort. And at different times in your life, you'll be in different places, meaning back in, gosh,

I think this is referencing 2015. I was at the height of my career in corporate America. I had achieved massive success. I had a huge network. You know, I was an expert in the business I was in. And so oftentimes people would need help from me. and they would come to me asking for help. And I would help a lot of people, right?

I was at a place in my career where I was in a position to help others. And I did. I tried to do it as much as I could. Of course, sometimes you're going to be busy and you're not able to. But anytime I could, I would want to pay it forward and help others. You know, cut to now, I'm not in that position. I'm a rookie, right? I'm brand new to this podcasting world, speaking world, author world, right?

I don't have all the contacts. I don't have the expertise. I'm a rookie. So it's kind of crazy and humbling in some ways to hear what this one woman responded to my email. I'm going to read it to you because it just was so touching. Okay. So I send out the ask, right? It's an email.

She's on my email list asking her to pre-order my book. And she responds, hey, Heather, I will do. I will definitely be buying the book. I plan on sharing it on all of my channels. Let me know when I can. I launched my first startup. I'm not going to say the name of it. And you were one of the first media companies in Philadelphia to pull.

partner with me, thank you, thank you so much. I don't believe we ever met in person, but you were a trailblazer investing in female-led startups back when it wasn't cool, and it wasn't a thing to do. It obviously made good business sense, but you went out of your way to support me. I rode around with your reps in Philadelphia for a couple of days. We sold so much business together. From your post, I believe your career had similar turning points like mine and only fueled success further. Female leaders need to have each other's backs, and I have yours. Let me know how I can help you with your book launch. If you're ever in Austin, look me up and I'll show you around. I will help promote your book. I'm in the midst of

launching another startup, so I have great contacts with women entrepreneurs here. I'm happy to pay it forward for you, Mary. So it's just one of those examples that she's referencing years ago, you know, when I was in a very different position in my life, I took time to help her. I don't even really remember this. I partnered and invested in so many companies back when I was in media. That was a big part of my strategy to drive new revenue streams and grow my team. And so it's kind of cool to hear now, right? Like, I'm sure that day that I partnered with her and her company, I didn't know if they'd make it. I didn't know what her future would bring and I didn't know how it would impact her. But here I am years later, she's supporting me when I'm the one asking for help. So whenever you can depending on where you are today. Maybe you're in a position where you need to ask others for help

like me, or maybe you're in a position like this woman where you have a chance to pay it forward and you've already made it. You've got the connections. You've got things on lock. And you say, I'm going to start paying it forward. I'm going to give back to others. I believe in karma. And this email that I got this week just reminded me, do the next right thing anytime you can. You might not see the payout today. Maybe you'll see it years later, like I just Okay, so that was just an important reminder I had to share with you because it really, gosh, that just touched my heart and reminded me, just do the right thing. Pay it forward whenever you can. Okay, enough of that. All right, now let's move on to 2018 versus 2021. Okay, here's why I'm talking about

2018 versus now. 2018 is the year I wrote and self-published my first book, Confidence Creator. And since I did the podcast episode, I think it was a week ago, maybe it was two weeks ago now, where I read to you from my new book, Overcome Your Villains, I've received so many messages asking me if people need to read my first book Confidence Creator in order to read the new book, Overcome Your Villains. And ironically, one of my dearest friends sent me a note, she read the advanced copy of my new book. And she offered feedback on comparing the two books and what her thoughts. where if people should read both books first. And then a new friend of mine that I just met this year, he had me on his show and he wanted to read both of my books so that he was ready, you know, to dive into questions around both books. And he made a really interesting observation that made me appreciate how much work I put in over the last three years. And I want you to reflect on

your life over the last three years, right? So he said something to the effect of, he said, Heather, your voice is so much stronger now. And I said, well, what do you mean by that? He said, literally and figuratively, he said, you really own your words in a different way that you didn't back in 2018. And I started laughing. And he said, why do you laugh? And I said, well, I was scared. In 2018, guys, don't forget, I had just been fired. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know even if the book would get published. I didn't even know how to self-publish, right? I had no idea. Here I am, you know, three years later, I work now with Harper Collins leadership. You know, I'm part of a huge team of people that are helping to improve and monetize my book. And it's so

incredibly different. So that's one piece that I actually have some experience, not a lot. I wrote one book, right? This is my second. But at least it's something, right? And then hearing from him that he could recognize that, you know, I opened up to him and shared. I said, listen, not only was I scared. Not only did I not know what I was doing, I also thought I was going to get sued. You know, and that's, I know that anyone can sue anyone for anything, and that's just part of life, but I truly was scared. I really didn't know if once I launched this book was the company that I used to work for, were they going to come after me? And it's just, it's so bizarre. Nothing, they never did, right? It never happened. All these fears that we make up in our mind,

they weren't real. And it's so crazy because I was on the first. phone with one of my attorneys from Harper Collins' leadership, he just went back and read my first book. And he said, wow, he said, they never did anything to attempt to sue you, huh? And I said, no, they didn't. And I said, and I feel so much stronger now because of that, right? I mean, everything I spoke to was a truth. It's not, I didn't make any of it up. I'm sure they don't love that I told, you know, a number of stories of what happened during my time there, but it's all true. And so, you know, my attorney said to me, do you know that they missed the window? And I said, no, what does that mean? And he explained to me that when you launch a book or give a TED talk or anything

like that, if somebody wants to sue you, there's a limited window that you actually can take action and do so in. And he said that window just expired. So it was kind of funny, you know, I had all these fears around my first book much more intensely than, you know, I'm still nervous about my new book. Of course, it's so important to me. I worked so hard on it. I want it to do great, but it's not, it's not the same as the first time, right? I, I was so scared. So to my new friend's point, yeah, I am way stronger now. Yeah, my voice is so much stronger and more powerful.

And as a result, my new book is different in many ways than my first book because of that strength, because of the little bit of knowledge that I have now, I came in so much hotter and stronger on this new book. It doesn't mean that my first book isn't good. And I'm actually going to read you a chapter or two from my first book because I feel bad that I shared a little bit of the new one with you. I've got to share a little bit of the first one because they're both great. I love them dearly. It's sort of like kids. You know, they always say, how do you pick one? I love both of these books. But to me, they're very different because I was in such a different place in my life. And even looking at the cover, the cover of my first book is completely black, right? And it says, Confidence Creator, in white and red. My new book is completely white. And it says, Overcome Your Villains in Blue and Red. And it says, Overcome Your Villains. And Blue and Red. And so it just, to me, that says a lot because I was kind of hiding in the darkness when I launched that first book. I mean, I put a lot into it, right?

It's a compilation of my lowest moments and how I leverage them to create confidence in my life and how the reader can too. But I really didn't go as far in as I could have because I was too scared. But you're going to see it in the new one, I did. So that gave me that opportunity for, you know, kind of as a writer, as an author, as someone creating to go bigger. and do more. And now I feel it's possible because I had that first experience, because the first book did do well, because I didn't get sued, right? All these things just showed me that I can go bigger. I can't go for more. And then, of course, now that I have a big team of people that I work with at HarperCollins, you feel even more safe, right? Even more supported and even more willing to

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Enough about that. Okay, so here we go. I'm going to read to you two chapters that I like from my first book. Okay, here's one that I hear about a lot from people. And it's a great story. I love this. It's actually the first chapter in my first book. Okay. So this is Confidence Creator by Heather Monaghan self-published in 2018, three years ago. Reflect on where you were three years ago right now because I'm telling you in real time, I have come a long way in three years. And I hope you have to. And if you're on this journey with me, keep stepping into your fear. It will always be the right answer.

Chapter 1. Remind yourself. Mom, can you write on my shoes? That's what my nine-year-old son, Dylan, asked me at 6.30 in the morning before school. I was rushing around the kitchen trying to make breakfast and get his backpack before we had to fly out the door, and he's asking me to write on his shoes. What? Hurry up. We're going to be late. I saw that he was holding out one of his basketball sneakers and a Sharpie. I knew he had a game that night, but still a had no idea what he was talking about. What am I writing? I want you to write, you can do all things on the bottom of my shoe. I think he saw the blank look on my face, so he explained, Mom, no matter how good you are and no matter how talented you are, every once in a while, you need to remind yourself.

When you're in a tough spot, you have to remember who you are. You can't feel confident every minute of every day. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How brilliant was this? I wrote out the for him in marker on the bottom of his shoe and handed it back to him. He ran off and finished packing his bag while I watched him in stunned silence. I couldn't get over what had just happened. My son taught me the importance of reminders. I literally cried. I was 41 and still struggling with my confidence. It took me years to learn how to believe in myself. He was nine, but he was already capable of creating a confident safety net that he could turn to for support when he needed it. At the time, I was a CRO for a radio company. Because of my job and my role in various

charities, I was often required to speak in front of large groups of people at functions. But it wasn't always easy for me. I would feel nervous before I had to take the podium. I'd look out over a sea of faces who were all staring at me, and I would feel the doubt creep in. I would question myself. That's not a comfortable position to be in. Deep down, I knew what I was capable of, but there were times when I found it difficult to call on that confidence. Dylan was right. We need to support ourselves during challenging moments. So after that talk with my son, I took a page from his playbook. I started to write little reminders on my shoes whenever I found myself nervous about making a speech or attending a big meeting. One month later, I was asked to speak at a charity luncheon for an

organization called City Year Miami. They mentor inner city youth to give them the direction they need to get through school without dropping out. Many of those kids didn't have a support system. Many were impoverished and living in dark places. They were just trying to get by. It wasn't easy to have confidence and trust in yourself when growing up in that environment. So one thing I wanted to stress in my speech was that those kids could learn competence. Competence is a skill that can be learned and not one that they had to be born with. What better way to prove that than by using myself as an example? At the end of my speech, I told that story about my son and the message he wanted me to write on his basketball shoe.

I brought the actual shoe up with me to the podium. I even showed everyone the message that I wrote that day on the bottom of my heels. The very next day I was sitting at my desk at work when I opened up my email and saw that my mailbox was filled with messages from my friends and coworkers who attended that luncheon. They had all sent me pictures of the notes they wrote on the soles of their heels. I love me. I deserve better. I can do this. I am not alone. The messages went on and on. The ladies really got into it. Today, I write reminders to myself on my computer. I have reminders that pop up on my iPhone. I hide some inside my clothes and around my house. I even have a picture frame that says, hello, gorgeous. I sometimes forget where I put them, so when I come across one, it will

always bring a smile to my face. More importantly, those reminders have a lasting impact. We all need people who pick us up when we're down, but sometimes it's a job that we can do ourselves. Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders. If you ever see me at an event, you can bet that I'll have a supportive message on the bottom of my heels. Okay, so that's the first chapter from Confidence Creator. I love that chapter. And if you haven't read the book yet, definitely check it out. Okay. So here's, I mentioned that one of my best friends read, she's read both books now, and she offered to compare them a little bit. And again, for me, it just really reminds me of where I was at in 2018, three years ago, versus where I'm at in

2021. And again, I have not made it, right? I am not expert status sitting around vacationing, you know, counting my millions of dollars. We are not there yet. people. We are on our way, but we are not there yet. But what I realize is having this moment to reflect on where I was in 2018 versus where I am now, gosh, I've grown so much. I'm in such a different place mentally, and I can see where I'm going. I couldn't see that back in 2018. So take a moment to look back where were you in 2018 versus today. How far have you come? And if you haven't started stepping into that fear, today is the day to do it. I promise you, if I have the ability to do it, you do too. Was it scary? Yes. Is it still scary?

Abs of flippin-lutely. But I know that I continue to grow the more I step into fear. So start stepping with me. You are not alone. Okay, here's the review from my very, very good friend, Sam. Disclaimer, I know the author personally. Now, just FYI, this is a review of Overcome Your Villains. She got an advanced copy. This is on NetGalley. I know the author personally, and I'm a huge fan. That being said, this is an unbiased review. I was simply blown away by this book. From start to finish, she was so open and honest and spoke about some things that I know were extremely hard for her to share. That's an understatement.

But in doing that, she made herself vulnerable and relatable on so many levels. In addition to opening up personally and sharing so many stories which really shaped the book, integrating the back concept and giving tangible examples on how to use them, this book was extremely useful for everyday use. The key takeaways at the end of every chapter are super helpful so that the reader can go back again and again to remind themselves how they can implement the strategies in their life. One thing that really stuck out for me was the concept of neutral thinking. So many times we hear stay positive over and over. I am guilty of saying this frequently. But sometimes you just have to keep it neutral. And that is a wonderful thing because it makes what you are going for more realistic and attainable.

I really appreciate the honesty, humor, and practicality of this book. It is a wonderful read. Okay, so that was my girlfriend reviewing my new book, Over Your Call Your Villains. And I actually asked her, I said, you know, I keep getting questions about how does it compare to the first book. And here, now I have to look for, where did I put it? Where did I go ahead? Oh, here we go. Okay, this is what she said about comparing the two books.

And then I'll give you my opinion. She said, even though it has some similarities, the two books have some similarities, as far as subject matter from the first one, I felt like this one was very different from the first. I did too, by the way. It felt more in depth and more personal, and I loved how you had the exercises that the readers can use and also the anecdotes. It's hard to explain,

but it just felt more engaging, if that makes any sense. I would say they don't need to read the first book in order to read Overcome Your Villains, but I agree that it brings more meaning to the second one and more to build on. So, okay, and that was, she nailed it, So, and again, it just takes me back to where I was in 2018. I was so scared.

I wasn't willing to go all in. I mean, I went in for sure, and that was really hard to do at the time. But I went all in on number two. And in my opinion, they're incredibly different. There's value in each. And if you do read the first one, which I encourage you to do now because the new one's coming out so soon. But if you read Conference Creator now, you'll get a lot of takeaways that will help you

with creating confidence in your own life, building confidence in your own life, but then having that knowledge as a base, as a foundation, to then upgrade yourself with Overcome Your Villains, it's really going to help launch you to that next level faster. And just because you listen to the podcast and I'm giving some of these insights, you're going to say, oh my gosh, I totally get what she's saying once you read it. So I hope you do. I hope you go check out Confidence Creator before Overcome Your Villains comes out. And it's only a. a couple weeks away. I can't believe it. But I just want to remind you, you know, I'm reflecting back on three years ago. I had never written a book. It was the scariest thing I'd ever done in

my life launching Confidence Creator. And guys, I was afraid to get sued. I was afraid I wouldn't sell any books. I was afraid of this and that none of that happened. This book went number one on the business biography list on Amazon the first week it came out. That's insane. What's even more insane is that we're here three years later and overcome your villains already went number one on workplace culture list and it isn't even out right so you have to start somewhere you have to be willing to take the risk you have to be willing to step into the fear and that unknown not knowing what's going to come next and make the leap trusting that your wings will appear and yes i know how hard it is to do it but i promise the more that you show up and do it the easier it will get okay until

next week. I hope you keep creating your confidence. If you can please leave a review, share the show, tag me. I will always repost and reshare. And if you haven't yet, pre-order, overcome your villains now, and you get the $500 bonus bundle for free. It is going away. The $500 free bonus bundle will be going away. So go right now to Overcomeyourvillans.com. Check it out. Pre-order, sign up, get your bonus bundle, and get cracking on creating your confidence. I'm on this journey with me.