Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #166: Shift Your Self-Limiting Beliefs To Become Your Best Self With Heather!

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Blocking OUT the haters   Finding the right environment that works best for you   Celebrating the small wins Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order by Friday and You Receive My $500 Bonus Bundle for FREE as a big thank you! Click here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com   If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  I have a huge announcement, my new book is live right NOW! Every time you create something new, naturally the haters will come. This should never be a reason you hold yourself back from bringing your dreams to fruition though, let it inspire you to keep going. Join me as I share a chapter from my new book, and learn how you can reject other’s self-limiting beliefs and become the best version of yourself! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited. You're back with me this week. Okay, so in case you are new and you haven't been riding with me for a while, my book is live right now. What's crazy is that I'm recording this a couple of days before you're hearing it. So when I'm recording it, it's actually not live yet. But it's live when you're listening to it. So that's so weird.

It's surreal. Every time you create something new, the haters are guaranteed to come. Right. But that's not a reason not to create. In fact, that's a reason just to create more because I think it's entertaining. But for a long time, I didn't create. I was afraid of haters. And that held me back.

and I actually write about haters. They have their own chapter in my new book. Overcome your villains live right now. If you haven't read it yet, if you haven't bought it yet, you've got to go buy it. And here's why. Call to Action. Sense of urgency. This week, Friday.

My bonus bundle disappears. I am asking everyone to buy a $24 book. And so I'm offering $500 in value. You get my $299 confidence video course. You get my 30-day email accountability program. get my amazing new Overcome Your Villains workbook, which I'm super, super proud of and so much more in my bonus bundle. Go to Overcome Your Villains.com. And when you enter your order number, you immediately download and access the bonus bundle for free. Okay, holidays are coming. They're

right around the corner. There's major supply chain issues everywhere. You need to get on the holidays. Now, order the book for someone you love for the holidays. And then you can keep the bonus bundle, or you put their email in and they get the bonus bundle immediately. Okay, so definitely do it this week. The bonus bundle disappears on Friday. And my other big concern is that with the lack of paper that there is in the world right now, when this round of book sells out, I don't know when the next round will be able to be printed and shipped. There's so many issues with supply chain.

If you haven't ordered your holiday gifts for your loved ones yet, please do it today. Even if it's not my book, just do it because I don't want you to be left out saying, oh gosh, I wish I had gotten ahead of this. There are so many issues with deliveries and warehouses and things actually getting processed in a timely fashion. This is not the year to wait to the end. So this is just me being your friend and letting you know. Oh, my gosh, I've dealt with so many supply chain issues with this book. It's crazy.

It was stuck in a warehouse for two weeks because the warehouse was closed because of COVID. Things couldn't get delivered on time. We had to change our launch date. There's been one challenge and hassle after another. So supply chain issues are real. Get to your grocery store, get your paper products, and order your holiday gifts now. Okay. But if you're going to get Overcome Your Villains, today is the day.

Order it right now and get that bonus bundle at Overcome Your Villains.com. So this week is an interesting one. I'm actually, as I'm talking to you, I just left my board meeting. And I've been on the board of directors of HealthLink for over a year now. Every board meeting I go to in person. And we always have a dinner the night before, which is super fun. I love the guys that I'm on the board with. And then we have a lot of laughs and we have a great time at our board meetings and the

company is doing really, really well, super innovative company. And I'm really, really proud of the work that we're doing just in general. So it's always, you know, it's intense. It's a lot of work, but it definitely is a positive in my life that I'm really grateful for, especially if you don't know this for years when I was back in corporate America. I pitched myself time and time again to be appointed to the board of directors of a company that I was the chief revenue officer of. And I always got the runaround. You know, I never got a solid reason why. Well, now I know there was that one person who really didn't want me there. The woman

had fired me. So she was definitely blocking me from that spot for a long time. But I knew that I knew I had the validity. I knew I had the credibility. I knew that I would add so much value and that there was no one like me on the board, but something was blocking me. And if you're in a situation like that where you know, I know I'm good enough. I know I've got what it takes, but I'm getting blocked. You are in the wrong room, right? I belonged on a board. I didn't belong on that board. And I was being blocked by someone, even though no one was telling me. So take this as a tip. You just might be pitching the wrong people because those aren't your people and you might need to go to a different company to do the same thing that you know you can do. Don't allow yourself

to think it's about you. It could just be about them, right? And that you're not the right fit for them, which definitely was the case for me. She didn't want me there. No one was telling me that. directly. There was a sense I had, but I wasn't clear on how strong, strongly she didn't want me there that she was about to fire me. But now that, you know, I'm a couple years out of it, I can look back and see, wow, I should have left sooner. I would have been on a board sooner somewhere else. And now, you know, here I am with these great people that I love working with that treat me great, you know, and value me. And it's been an incredible experience. It's also super interesting getting to see different industries, different companies and how people interface,

and how things work. The company HealthLink that I'm with now is very focused on employee retention and adding employee value and sharing goals and visions and mission statements, real true leadership. And I also see that in our board meetings. As I mentioned, today was the first day. I did not go in person for our board meeting. A couple of our board members regularly dial in from Zoom or from the phone. I mean, as you know, it's 2020, 2020, 2021, COVID. So that's not abnormal. However, it is, much more fun and, you know, personal when you get to go in person and get to know people better. But for me, I've made it a priority to be there in person up until now. But today, I actually have to jump on a flight right now. I just got out of our board meeting. And I need to head to a

speaking engagement I'm giving in Orlando, which I'm really excited. It's going to be the biggest in-person event I've done since COVID hit. So I'm super excited for it. I did a Facebook live for this group about a month ago, you know, talking about what I'd be speaking to them. It's all salespeople and I'm just, these are my people. So I'm so excited to go. A lot of chaos to make all this stuff happen given I'm in the middle of book launch. We had some major issues with the supply chain in the past week. Barnes & Noble ship books and they weren't supposed to. And just, and now the new launch date is November 16th. I know it sounds very much first world, but when you work for two years on something and at the last, you know, the ninth ending with two

outs, things start falling apart. It's a little hectic, okay? I'm just going to say that's been a little hectic. But we're going to find ways to make it work. And I'm super excited to be going in person to this event and to speak. And they bought a ton of books. I am praying those books arrived. I have no idea. Because of all these supply chain issues, I hope I'm not walking into one of those situations where here, you know, a great client who's invested a lot in me and in my message and in my books and in bringing me up there. Gosh, I hope those books are there. So let's see.

Keep your fingers crossed next week when you hear the show. I'll let you know how it all went. So one of the things that happened today in my board meeting that was just such a great reminder, there's this one gentleman who has been calling in and he hasn't been on site, but he has a great presence. And one of the things I was reminded up today, every time he spoke up on the call, he would stop and say, before he asked any question, before he followed up on anything someone had spoken about, every segment ends, they open it up for discussion and questions, and this gentleman would always say this, hey, guys, first of all, I just want to say, great job. A lot of work went into

that, and I want you to know I recognize that, and I'm really, I'm really impressed. Always just a very nice, honest, true, heartfelt compliment back to the work that team has put in. And every time he did it, I was taking note saying, Heather, show up as a better leader, right? that's the leader that we all need ourselves to be and that we want to be with. Sometimes my brain works really fast and when they open it up for questions or discussion, I jump right into strategy. Hey, guys, where is, you know, and I'll start asking questions around. Where is the pipeline? Where are the timelines? I don't see the forecast. You know, I come very pointed at things where, you know, I think that we can improve because my job is to help us get better, achieve our goals and grow the

company and grow value for everyone. But at the same time, here I am taking these notes saying, you know what, Heather, pause for a moment and show up as a leader and recognize and see the value in others and take that moment to congratulate them on everything they're doing. Right. It's just, it's about that pause. And that's something I need to work on for myself specifically with the board. And I noticed that because somebody else was leading by example today. And it reminded me, you know what? Thank you for that example. And that's who I need to be as well. And it's about taking that one minute pause to reflect and acknowledge others around us and the work that they're doing and how much we appreciate it.

So hopefully you can do that today too because it was a great lesson for me. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Takayatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Takayatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only apps, tachyotry is psychiatry. That means you're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions

and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All their 600-plus clinicians are in network with major. insurers so you can use your existing insurance instead of paying monthly subscriptions or out of network fees. You'll meet with an experienced licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan, and can prescribe medication when it's right for you. Your care stays consistent and evidence-based. Head to tachiatry.com and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talk gyatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes.

When you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. All in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest registered agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U.S. with over 1,500 corporate guides, real people who know your local laws and can help you in your business every step of the way. Build your business identity fast with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free resources, forms, and

step-by-step guides without even creating an account. Sign up for a free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership, certificates, bills of sale, and more, all at no cost. Northwest is your one-stop business resource. Learn how to build a professional website, what annual filings your business needs to stay in good standing, and simple explanations of complicated business laws. With Northwest privacy is automatic. They never sell your data, and all services are handled in-house. Because privacy by default is their pledge to all customers. Don't wait. Protect your privacy. Build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10

minutes. Visit northwest registered agent.com slash confidence free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwest registered agent.com slash confidence free. Okay, so it was a great board meeting and now we're on to Orlando. And as I'm going to be flying to Orlando next, I am thinking about what I'll think about on the plane. And one of the things I do, when I'm going to an event is I research them because I want to know up and coming news, like what's been happening lately? So for this event that I'm going to, it's at the Gaylord Palms Hotel, a huge hotel convention center and they are in a three-day conference.

I'm the last speaker of the conference. And so I'm looking back and I'm going into the Facebook page to see what people are saying. I'm looking at photos. I really want to immerse myself in their world. I want to write who won the awards and what's, what's everything? everyone talking about, the more I can immerse myself in their world, the more I can add value for them, the more I can recognize them. And so that's what I'll be spending my time on the plane doing is really digging into what's happening with the company, what they've been going through the last

couple of days, so that they see me as part of their team. They see me as someone there to serve them, add value to them, not someone on the outside showing up to do a talk and get out of there. So the more I can understand others and where they are and put myself in their shoes and notice and see what it is that they're doing, the more I can connect with them, the more they can know, like, and trust me. And people do business with people they know like and trust. So I really try to do that before any event when I have a window of time right before I'm heading over. So that's one little tip that I want to give you. Anytime you're going into a meeting, doesn't need to be a big in-person meeting. It can be a Zoom one. but the more we put ourselves in other people's shoes, the more we can add value to them, recognize them, and they'll feel seen, which is really, really powerful. Okay, so I thought it would be great if maybe I read you one more chapter from my book.

If you go back two weeks ago, I read you my first two chapters. I got a lot of great feedback on it. So thank you so much. And I'm getting more and more, now that Barnes & Noble shipped all my books this week, I'm getting a lot more feedback on the book, and it's been amazing to hear. So thank you so much for reading. Please leave a review wherever you purchase the book. It helps so much.

Please post about the book. Share it with someone that you think it could add value to their life, someone who might be facing adversity. This three-step process to overcome any adversity is proven, powerful, and it stands a test of time. I've been using it over and over again, and it serves me well, and it's going to serve you even better. So, all right, so I'm going to read Chapter 3, which is Return Others Self-limiting Beliefs. All that we are is a result of what we have thought, Buddha. While getting fired was the push I needed to overcome the biggest villain in my life, my boss, on the way to finding my true calling, it took some time to realize that what had happened was actually a good thing

and not the complete disaster it felt like at the time. Driving home from work that fateful day and for the rest of the week, I cried and I wondered what I would do. Since the non-compete clause in my contract prohibited me from taking a similar job in the radio industry, I was cut out of the career I knew and where my value to an employer was. I didn't know what steps to take next. What I also didn't know was that my former company would report my company phone as stolen and that Verizon would shut it down, requiring me to get a new phone and a new phone number. I know this sounds like a first world problem, and I get it.

But when you're broken, it is devastating. Brushing my hair seemed like a challenge. And getting a new phone number after 14 years felt inconceivable. But guess what? It worked out. I got a new number, and the people who really wanted to find me did. The other ones, the ones I thought were my friends, but really weren't? They didn't bother.

The good news is now I have people who care about me and really do want to be a part of what I've created. They are inspired and excited to be excited to be your friends. around me. If the people who weren't genuine hadn't ghosted me, I wouldn't have known their true intentions, and I wouldn't be attracting the phenomenal people I have now. Having my phone shut off was hard, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise, just like getting fired. I couldn't see it at first, but a year later, I was grateful. Think of a time in your life when you were scared to do something, but moved through the fear and did it anyway. chances are you reached your goal or at least you got a lot closer than you imagined use that example as proof that the next goal will work out the same starting the year with a wardrobe refresh quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished they're perfect for layering mixing and building a wardrobe that lasts their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day quince has all the staples covered from soft mongolian cashmores

sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup to 100% silk tops and skirts for easy dressing up to perfectly cut denim for everyday wear. Their wardrobe essentials are crafted to last season after season. Their Italian wool coats are real standouts. They're beautifully tailored, soft to the touch and built to carry you through years of wear, not just one season. The quality shows in every detail, the stitching, the fit, the fabrics. Every piece is thoughtfully designed to be your new wardrobe essential. And like everything from Quince, each piece is made from premium materials and ethical trusted factories that are priced far below what other luxury brands charge. I can't tell you how much I am loving my new cashmere sweater. It's a staple for sure, and I can't wait to give one to my

best friend for her birthday this year. It is timeless, gorgeous, and the softest thing I've ever touched. Which Quince pieces are you interested in it? I mean, from the bags to the denim, to the sweaters to the jackets, they're all incredible luxury high-end products without the high-end price. Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash confidence for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash confidence. Yes, self-doubt will creep back in occasionally, as it does for me. I beat that self-doubt back down with all of my crumbs of success.

I've experienced in the previous week, in the previous month, in the previous year. I celebrate the small wins and recognize my progress every day. When the old tape starts to run telling me, I can't do something. I switch up the stations, and then I hit up Kendrick Lamar's. I love myself. And I remind myself that when you, you Google me, I show up as a keynote speaker, a top 100 podcaster on America's leading podcasting platform, a confidence creator, and an author, not as a radio industry executive. Mine has

officially been blown. What can you get done this year if you get rid of other self-limiting beliefs about who you are and if you believe in yourself? What I have realized is I allowed myself to be put in the lane. I was in the sales lane, and that was the only lane I was given permission to be in. If I strayed out of my lane, I was quickly pushed right back in. Here's what I've learned. You can smash through all of the lanes, blow them up and get rid of them, and just be you. You can live lanelessly. You can take your unique talents and attributes wherever you want to go. When I blow up the lanes, suddenly there was no more. traffic. Get rid of the lanes. Create your own space and things move much more smoothly.

This was an epiphany and it's absolutely true. Why can't I be Heather who writes books, gives keynotes and consults for all kinds of businesses? Who said Heather can only be in sales? It really doesn't matter who put me in that lane because I am now crystal clear that it is up to me to go where I want to go and take my unique skills and talents with me. The more I step into who I really am, the stronger and more powerful I become wherever I go. That same is true for you. When I finished writing my first book, Confidence Creator, I wanted to share it with my family in my innermost circle before I released it. I told only a few people I was working on the book because I was afraid that people would try to talk me out of it. And sure enough,

that's exactly what happened. I was really excited and proud. I was just starting to get comfortable with the idea of smashing through my old sales lane when my brilliant sister called. She had just finished speed reading my manuscript, and I was on high alert, ready for her reaction. It didn't go so well. She told me immediately that I shouldn't move forward with my book. She explained that as a lawyer, she needed to advise me not to publish it. She said that I should expect to be sued, by my past employers and everyone I called out in the book, even though everything I wrote was true. Not only that, but a well-known author would probably assume me too, since my manuscript reminded my sister of their book,

even though mine was entirely original. That was it. I was devastated. I thanked my sister for her input and hung up and cried for hours. I went back under my weighted blanket and struggled, not knowing what to do. Today, it is clear to me that her concerns came from a place of love and wanting to protect me, but I didn't need to take on her self-limiting beliefs. I could have simply thanked her for concerns and just kept going. I wish I had this new 2.0 version of myself then coaching me, but I didn't.

The feedback I really wanted to get was from my mom, but she didn't call. As it turns out, my mom was upset with me. She felt that my book didn't position her in a good light, and that the past should remain in the past. I couldn't believe it. The only person my book didn't position in a good light was me. My book was a compilation of my lowest moments in how I learned to build confidence from them.

How could she think that she was the one who looked bad? I called my father. He sat in as a mediator so that my mom would listen to me explain that the book was not about her. Yikes, that was painful. I was devastated and decided I'd kill the book. I sat on my couch crying hysterically. Here I was.

I hadn't told anyone I was writing a book. I was so proud I had actually done it. I really liked it, but my family members didn't think I should move forward with it. And one of them was a lawyer. Had I wasted the past few months? Should I just go back to corporate America? For months, I flip-flop between thinking that I should go to work for myself and thinking I needed to give up my misguided dream

and go back to work for someone else again. I was torn apart, not sure what to do. What I didn't understand is that I had already jumped and that if I kept second-guessing myself, my wings weren't going to open. I was sabotaging myself. I remember being young and sabotaging myself, and I can't believe now that month after month after month,

I was doing it again. Damn, old habits die hard. Which ones are you permitting right now? In this down moment when I was preparing to scrap my book and start dialing people in my old industry for jobs, I did something really smart. I called my editor Ryan. Ryan had not only written a book, he had written 19 books. He had way more experience with this than I did. I explained to him what had happened and that I thought I should trash the book.

Did you write this book for your mom and your sister? he asked. No. Did the person you wrote the book for change? No, I had written the book for anyone who struggled with confidence the same way I had for so long. That hadn't changed. Ryan continued with his inquisition. Did you read that other author's book and try to imitate it while you wrote your book? I read her book five years ago, I admitted.

But no, this is my story, not hers. Do you think anyone has a copyright on self-help books and that no one else can ever write another one? Nope. I heard Ryan loud and clear, and I made up my mind. I was going to reject the self-limiting beliefs others were projecting on me and move forward with my book. It was my story, my life, my idea. If they wanted to limit themselves, that's fine. But they would not limit me.

Ryan had reminded me of my why. When you reconnect with why you are doing something, it makes the decision to move forward much easier. Nothing about this has been easy. Getting the advice of people who have already walked the path I want to take has been a tremendous help for me. And it's something I continue to do to propel myself to that next level. Keep someone on speed dial who is ahead of where you are and tap them when you second guess yourself or when your inner circle second guesses you. You do not have to accept their self-limiting beliefs. You can thank them for their offering their perspective and hand it right back to them.

I actually see myself smiling at them and handing it back, and it feels great. So many people believe that they are looking out for you and helping you when they do this, but it is so important that you listen to the one voice that counts. Yours. These days, my inner voice says, oh, no, thank you. That is not for me. That is for you.

And I move on, just as you should move on. I won't leave you hanging. I know what you are thinking. How did things end up with your mother and sister? I am happy to report that both my mother and sister ended up being very supportive of my book after it came out. Sometimes the only way to overcome a hard time is to go through it. Key takeaway. Never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you are attempting to go.

Reconnect with your why and move forward with your mission. leave your self-limiting beliefs in the past. They don't have a place in your future. Here's a fun exercise I call flipping the script. Basically, it means choosing to see the opposite of what others may be telling you when they are trying to hold you back. You can choose to see what others are presenting you, or you can choose to reframe it and make it work for you. Here we go. I failed and I am done.

So don't tell me I have potential. because I have realized I won't get another job because I am too old. No one wants someone who is fired. And don't try to tell me there is a star within me because I truly know I'm unemployable. Nothing you say will get me to believe I will make a comeback. It's time to flip that script on the naysayers. You can read it from the bottom up or I'll flip it for you here. I will make a comeback.

Nothing you say will get me to believe I'm unemployable because I truly know there is a star within me. And don't try to tell me no one wants someone who was fired. Because I'm too old, I won't get another job because I've realized I have potential. So don't tell me I failed and I'm done. Wow, I love this exercise. I am smiling as I flip the script and read it out loud. Now, you rewrite it line by line, the way that things. It's your story best.

Then, flip the story around and read it out loud. Keep searching for the reframe or the flip the next time someone hands you their self-limiting beliefs. Remember, what someone else believes doesn't have to become your reality. Your beliefs are your choice. Choose wisely. Thank you, Daniel Abrams, for the idea. Okay, so that was Chapter 3 in Overcome Your Villains.

I hope you loved it. If I didn't mention, I tried out for the part of Heather Monaghan narrator. I was awarded the part. Thank you, Harper-Callens leadership. And as I was going to record my audiobook, I asked. I said, do I have some creative flexibility? Can I do things a little different than just read the basic hardcover book? And they said, Heather, have all the creative input you want.

Do whatever you want. So, just so you know, the audible version of Overcome Your Villains is, different than the e-book, the hardcover, and the paperback. It is a riff at the end of every chapter. I just go off on a tangent. I actually can't wait to listen to it myself because I don't remember what I say, but I just give you the behind the scenes of what was really going on or what I felt when I read it because when I sat down to do the audiobook,

it was the first time I read my book in its entirety, which is really surreal and weird and reminded me that so much, had happened since a couple of years ago when I started working on this. So you get a lot more insight, you get a lot of behind the scenes, and I think you're going to love it. Okay, so go now. If you need holiday gifts for people, buy Overcome Your Villains, and get that bonus bundle, $500 bonus bundle, put their email address in, and it gets sent to them immediately. Put yours in, and you can download it immediately once you order the book. And the book is available anywhere and everywhere you buy books.

That is one amazing part of working with a traditional publisher. You have distribution points everywhere. And I strongly suggest the Audible version. I'm really, really proud of how creative we were in doing things a little bit differently. Can't wait to hear what you think. Please leave a review. And if you're loving this show, if you're loving this podcast, I'd love it if you leave a review of the show, share it on social media.

Tag me. I will always repost, reshare, and let me. one person know that you love this show so they can gain something from it too. It means the world to me. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I'm with you.