Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #180: Take On The Unexpected With Heather!

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Surmounting unforeseen challenges  What to do when plans go awry    Taking action without hesitation   Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  You made it through 2021! You should be so proud of all the things you’ve accomplished, YOU did that. Plans don’t always go as we’d hope, but we can still reach success and turn our obstacles into opportunities. You can never predict exactly what will happen, all you can do is prepare yourself for whatever is to come. So, be hopeful and believe in your confidence going into the new year!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. Thank you so much for being back here with me today. You have no idea how grateful I am to have you with me. I definitely want you to know. I truly appreciate you. And happy, 2022. If you are like me, you are so. So happy and grateful 2021 is gone. Bye, bye, adios.

Sayanara. See you later. 2020 was definitely the hardest year in my life as far as an adult. 2021 is a close number two. But I don't want to lose sight of because I can be a little baby sometimes and feel bad for myself. I had it much harder in 2020, as I think most of us did. Not everyone.

Everybody's in different situations, of course, and I understand that. But I wonder for you, what was your hardest year? in your adult life and what was 2021 like for you. Take a minute to reflect on that. And I know, gosh, everybody's talking about this. So super annoying. But I had to just share, this is what's been on my mind lately. And again, I'm taking this on in an effort not to feel bad for myself, but to reflect on what can I learn from it.

And grateful it's gone. And no do-over. It's not looking. Don't want to go back and do 2021 over again. And here's why. And this is so flipping ironic. I did a post on LinkedIn about this a couple days ago. I talked about how I had decided in my mind that the best year was going to be 2021 when 2020 was ending. And that's because in my world, live events were starting to open back up. I was starting to feel a sense of optimism again. And for me financially, live events impact me greatly. Right. My income was crushed when live events disappeared. And so it said, like anything, you know, when you're struggling with money or concerned about money because of factors outside of your control, it can put a damper on things for you. And that's really where my head was in 2020.

So looking forward to 2021, I really felt optimistic. When we make plans, God laughs, or whatever the saying is, right, is that I decided 2021 was going to be a phenomenal year. And I was going to have my best year ever. And my new book was coming out and everything was going to be, you know, rainbows and lollipops. Plot twist. That did not happen. So what did happen was something called Delta, which literally unraveled the speaking business overnight. And I immediately found myself back in that same situation of cancellation, cancellation, cancellation.

I couldn't see, you know, what that pipeline looked like on revenue for me. Everything just seemed unstable. And this is coming from someone who spent over 20 years in corporate America where I really felt I could always see the pipeline. I always knew the cadence and the rhythm of business. I knew when things would be slow. When things would pick up, I knew the levers to pull. I had all this expertise. And then here I am now, four years into working for myself, the bottom just keeps falling out. And it's been very, very challenging, which I'm sure you've been up against your own challenges without a doubt over the last two years, just like everyone has this flipping pandemic sucks. And I get so frustrated when some of my

friends are like, oh, it's been beautiful and wonderful, and I love being with my husband and my family and out on our boat all the time. Okay, for them, golf clap, happy for you. For me and for anyone else out there that is not in that boat, holy cow, this has been tough. All right. So we are way more resilient, though. I was in spin class today, and they were talking about, you know, the end of the year and New Year and optimism and what we're grateful for. And I just remembered a year ago right now, again, as I mentioned, that I was super optimistic about 2021, not knowing what was laying ahead of me, but I still felt a lot better than where I was at the beginning of 2020, right? So I can't let myself lose sight of that. I don't know let you lose sight of it, that things, even though they've been

tough, they're still better than where they were a year ago. And for me, really, that epi-center was around my poor son being in virtual school for the entire year 2020. His grades plummeted. His dog died unexpectedly drowned in his dad's pool. And it just, oh, it was a nightmare. He was struggling, you know, with, I believe he was depressed. And in some ways, I think I probably was, too. I'm the most extroverted person in the world. I love being around people. My son is very similar. And so for us, both of us, to shut it down and just be locked in our two-bedroom apartment for a year sucked. It totally sucked. So 2021 was not that. He was in-person school the entire year. And what was funny, this is what I wrote a post about on LinkedIn the other day was I was reflecting on how I planned for

2021. It was going to be my best year ever. But every night I would go to bed, I would pray, God, please don't let him go back to virtual school. Please don't let him go back to virtual school. Please keep him in sports. Please let him play. And the funny thing is what I was, my biggest fear was, him to go back to virtual and not have sports, not have friends, never happened. All of 2021, he was in person and he got to play sports and be with friends. And he's literally like a different human being today because of that he's become so healthy, so health conscious, working out like crazy, like everything good he's taken to another level. And the energy around him when he's around his friends, he's so grateful to be around his friends.

It impacts him so deeply that one thing has become clear to me, here's what I'm going to do different in 2022 because of what I've learned from last year. I am never going to just rest on my laurels that, oh, well, you know, he's isolated. right now, it'll get better. Heck no, I'm going to take action immediately to my back process in my new book, Overcome Your Villains. Step number two, take action immediately. I am putting that into play on every day in my life. I am never letting him sit at home and get isolated again. And the reason why I bring that up, drum roll please, we got the email two days ago that my son's school will be going back to virtual learning effective January because of the increase in COVID numbers. So that is beyond

unexpected. It's so crazy because I put this post up about how something I worried about for one year never happened. And now here we are in 2022. It's happening again. Basketball has been canceled. And I actually had him in Miami heat camp for winter break, you know, during the holidays. That got canceled because of COVID. So it's sort of weird. It just reminds me that we cannot plan. We are at a time in life where you cannot plan. I could not have planned for this. like my new book and my book launch versus my book launch in 2018. In 2018, I was a rookie author, had no idea what I was doing, yet the timing was perfect. There were no problems. Everything went seamlessly and that book exploded and took number one in like five categories overnight.

I had hundreds of reviews immediately. Like everything was seamless. I had no idea what I was doing. Fast forward to now, 2021 with HarperCollins leadership. I've got all this expertise behind me, this huge brand name backing me, and we launched the same week. Will Smith launched, and Adele's album dropped, and Taylor Swift took over the airwaves, and so many other amazing books launched, and none of my books shipped, and there was all these issues with shipping, and it just hasn't had the same success that my first book did. So it's kind of crazy that you just naturally think, like, with experience and time, and no, it doesn't always work out that way.

So there's so much out of our control that the one thing I've learned from 20, 21 is that you cannot plan. So, which is very different than who I used to be because I was big into planning when I was in corporate America. I planned out everything. I mean, I ended up getting fired so it really doesn't matter. But my plan didn't work out. But I'm just reminded of that this year. We really can't plan. And that's why I believe that we've got to have multiple opportunities, brewing and cooking and working at all times and have faith that somehow things will work out in the So I'm grateful that I made it through 2021. I'm grateful you made it through 2021 with whatever struggles you had to deal with and things

you were up against. It did not turn out the way I thought. I have my mantra that I read every day, which was I was going to be a number one Wall Street Journal bestselling author. I was going to have millions of downloads of this podcast in 2021. I had all these goals that I was going to achieve. And the honest reality is the majority of them did not come to fruition. Even though I worked my butt off to try, things didn't happen the way that.

I thought they would. So some good things happened, right? I can't say it was all bad. Like I said, my son had an amazing year. He was so grateful to be back in person. I learned so much about him and how I can better support and take care of him, which is keeping him immersed around friends and inactivity. And so I've learned from that experience. I know for me, my business almost went entirely virtual in 2021, which is hard because I'm a super extroverted person, but I got really good at it, which that part was exciting. And then I was able for my few, I did a few in-person events, not many, less than 10,

but for some of the bigger ones where I was back on big stages with thousands of people, they were unbelievable because I was able to take what I learned from the virtual events. I did so many of those in-2020 and marry that to my past experience with in-person events that I came up kind of with a new cadence and rhythm for what my new speech will be moving forward. And then at a left field, I was named top 50 keynote speaker in the world for 2022. That was just announced a month ago by real leaders. So I never saw any of that coming, just as much as I thought I had this great plan and how things were going to work for 2021. And I was wrong. Unexpected great things happened too. So that was kind of cool. I'm trying to look at the highlights, right?

But the biggest highlight for me is that it's over. I am so grateful that it's over and that we are on to 2022. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup to 100% silk tops and skirts for easy dressing up to perfectly cut denim for everyday wear. Their wardrobe essentials are crafted to last season after season. Their Italian wool coats are real standouts.

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I didn't think my son was going to be back on virtual school. gosh, I hope it's for a short period of time. But what I do know is that things will get better. For me, what I think is 2020 was horrible. 2021 was a bit better. 2022 is going to be a bit better too. And so we're going to keep making this progress. And yeah, it might not be perfect, but it's progress. And I'll take momentum. I'll take progress any day because that leaves me feeling super hopeful for what can happen. And there were some bright spots. For me in 2021, I'm sure there were for you. Let's find those and focus on those. And to that end, my son and I had some unexpected guests, we'll leave it at that, that came into our circle, and they wanted to

go to dinner with us. And it was the night before New Year's Eve and Miami Beach, which is incredibly busy. Right? There's like, I don't even know, hundreds of thousands of people down here visiting, moving down here left and right. It's been crazy. And so I got this message. Wait, no, I'll just tell you who it is. So was my mother. And, okay, let's have dinner and her new husband. And so that's always interesting. And my son hadn't met him.

And anyways, so I said, okay, let's go. I said, why don't we just go to Smith and Walensky? It's this place my son and I have been going to for a very long time. And there's this one bartender that works there that he always finds a way to help my son and I get a table in the lounge area. Because if you don't have a reservation weeks ahead of time, you can't get a table there in the restaurant. it's packed, you have to plan ahead, but he always helps us because it's first come first serve in the lounge area. And so I tell my mother and her new husband to meet us there, and my son and I get there first, and it's packed. And my son said, oh, we're screwed. And I said,

no, no, no, no. Okay, and this is what I want you to realize is, I said, what we're going to focus on is the solution. I'm not going to focus on that it's packed in here. And there's nine million people in this place. I don't care. There's a way. And I looked for my key bartender, and he wasn't there. Epic fail. Right? So I, I thought, oh, okay, you know, plan B, where can I go to, stay focused on the solution, Heather. So I go up to the front desk and I say, hey, I'm not a tourist, I'm a local. I always eat in the lounge with my son. Our favorite bartender's not here.

Like, I'm trying to draw commonalities and a reason why these people want to help me, letting them know that I'm like them. I live here. And I'm going on and on, and a lady's like, I can't help you. Work it out in the bar, you know, that's whoever gets the seat, gets to see it. I don't know what to tell you. You have no reason to come over here to us. handle the main restaurant, go back to the bar area. I said, okay. So I go back. I found my son and I a two-top to sit down on just to hold a spot for a moment and figure out what we're going to do.

And then my mother and her husband arrive and they're getting frustrated, right? They're like, there's no way we're going to get a table. And I said, I'll figure it out. And so I'm looking around, looking around, and I see there's this huge booth that can easily fit all of us. And there's one woman sitting in it. And I'm waiting and waiting and I'm watching her. her and she just keeps ordering drink after drink and no one's coming, right? And so it's obvious no one's coming. So why is she taking up that whole booth? Maybe she doesn't know that I need a booth for four people to eat dinner. So finally I got myself the courage up to go and ask. I walk up to her. I apologize. I'm sorry to interrupt to you. And she was talking to another woman in

another booth. And I said, is there any way that you might consider being willing to switch with me? I have a two top over here. If you could let us have this four top, the four of us would be able to eat here. I hate to inconvenience you. I'll do whatever it takes to make this easy, but I would so appreciate it if that would work for you. And she was so incredibly kind. She said, oh my gosh, absolutely. I was looking over at you guys anyways and wondering why you were in that small table that you don't fit in. She said, I'd be happy to move. So she said, just find someone to come move me. I don't want to do it myself. I said, sure. So I walk up to a random person that was a waiter. And I said, can you help us to make the switch? And he says, no, I can't.

I'm not able to do that. Someone at the front desk needs to approve it. So I go back to the front desk. I smile. I explain what's going on. And this is a manager this time. And he's like, you don't need to come over here, just work it out the bar. I said, but I tried and they sent me over here. He was pissed. He's like, go back and tell them just to work it out. I said, sure, I understand. And here's a thing. People are under such pressure and stress right now at the holidays. There's so many people down here. It was just crazy. I could tell everyone was on edge and annoyed. and with this dumb new omnacrom, whatever. Everyone's just annoyed. So I thought, okay, try to be positive, Heather. Go back to the same guy. So I go back to the bar to the same guy. And I say, I went to the front like you asked me to. And the manager said, just to get it done and work it out with you.

And he's like, no, I can't. And I see the manager walking by. So I say, excuse me, sir. Didn't you say it was okay? He comes over to this guy and says, help this freaking woman out. Make this work. He goes, you know what? I'm going to help too.

Let's go, both of us. And he grabbed the guy, the two of them. went over and they moved that lady right to the two top. They moved us right into the foretop, and it worked. And so we sit down and I ordered that woman a drink to thank her, you know, for moving for us and then thank the bartender for helping us to make this happen. And my son started laughing. And he said, Mom, you always find a way to pull things off. And here's the thing. Anyone can do that. I don't know why more people don't do that, right? Stay focused on the solution. Stay focused on the opposite.

opportunity at hand and test different ways to make it work. I could have given up, you know, the first time I went to the front desk, where I could have given up the first time anything happened. But if you stay focused on the solution, that solution will appear. You have to be relentless about it. And this is why I've been successful in business my entire career. I'm constantly focused on the solution, just like I am now. Come on, 2022. Give me some live events, baby. Okay. So that was just like a short story that I need to share with you. Okay, this is another interesting thing that I did. Let me back it up. I live in a building, as you know, I'm working so hard to get out of this building and to get into a house, but that's in the book, Overcome Your Villains. You can

check that out there. There's a whole chapter about what's going on with that. But anyhow, so I live in a building and I got this email from the building. And it said, the subject line was, are you mad at us? Did we do something wrong? And when you open the email up, it goes on to say, only 10% of the tenants in this building have donated to the holiday fund. It's really quite disturbing that only 10% of you would want to show support at the holidays for our staff. Maybe we did something wrong. Let us know.

The minute I got that email, I ran downstairs and donated money because I felt terrible. No, they hadn't done anything wrong. I just didn't respond to the email like 9 million other emails I get like you get, right? I just didn't think about it. And so they got my attention with that. So back up even further, in 2021, I, one, I launched this thing called a VIP book launch team. And the reason why I did it is because other great authors out there in the world, John Gordon, Jamie Kern, Lima, all these guys that have

these amazing successful blueprints to become New York Times, Wall Street Journal, bestselling authors, they create these teams of people to go out and be advocates on their behalf, to write reviews for their books, to pitch their books, promote their books, et cetera. So I was emulating their model. And what you do is you offer something, you host, you know, live virtual book launch parties, live trainings, live Zoom Q&As with the author. I must have done 20 of these events, right, 20 hours of my time. And this is what I get paid for as a keynote speaker. This is how I make my income. But I was donating this time in lieu of, in exchange for, this team of people, it ends up being 400 people on my team, to promote my book and leave a

review. That's really the crux of it, right? I'm donating the time to answer their questions, to do keynote speeches to trainings for them in exchange for them to post and leave a review. Cut to last week when I see I only have 60 reviews on my book. And I think, how is that even possible? Right? Because if I have 400 people in my book launch team, I've done my part. When they signed up, I put it in writing. Here's what I'm asking for you.

Here's what you get in exchange from me. And I gave them my confidence, $299 video course. I gave them an Overcome Your Villains Workbook. I gave them, you know, advanced chapters of the book. I gave them all digital and advanced copy of the book before anyone else could get it. I did all these live Q&A. Like, I did so many things above and beyond to support them. But I put in writing, what I need you to do is to post about the book, get this book into

different book clubs, different opportunities to help it grow and spread the word and leave a review after you read the book. And so I thought, well, the math doesn't work. If there's only 60 reviews and 400 people in my VIP book launch team, something's wrong. So I emulated the building's email. The subject line was, are you mad at me? And then I went on to say, you know, did I do something wrong? If I did, please let me know because one of the ways you were going to help support the book was leave a review, yet only 13% of you or 17% whatever it is have left a review some things off here and I need your help today or tell me what I did wrong so that I can rectify it.

Here's what was super interesting. Not everybody responded the way that I did, right? Like, I ran right out the door to donate the money, and some people did. Some people ran right out their doors and left the review on Amazon for me, and it was super, I'm super grateful, and it worked, right, and got their attention. They felt like, oh, gosh, I forgot to do it. I've been busy, whatever, totally get it. But a couple of people were pissed.

And it just goes to show you can send the same message to 100 different people, and it's going to strike a lot of them very differently. one person wrote back to me, this email is in bad taste, Heather. You shouldn't be, you know, shaming people for not leaving a review. You don't know what's going on in their life. You know, very negative approach. I can't believe that you would send something like this. The guy was totally put off by it, which that surprised me. If I had gotten that message, I'd be like, oh my gosh, I forgot. Like, let me go ahead and put that up for you. Okay, so that was interesting. One person responded that way. Then I got another from a woman who said to me, hey, I'm not saying

you did anything wrong. However, me and some of my friends have been talking about how you and your social media team post too much about you getting fired. And I just want to bring your attention to it. It's negative. And you need to stop posting about that. It's not, you know, people are unfollowing you because of it. And I just think you should focus on the future and not on the past. And so I took a moment to think about that and process it for a second, like anything. If I'm confronted with something that I don't agree with. I give myself some space, right? This is what happens when you become old like me. You say, okay, don't react, pause, be calm. And then once you're calm, you can respond in a thoughtful manner. So I did that. I waited. And then I was calm. I wasn't angry or irritated anymore.

And I decided to write her back a nice email. And I said, thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it. However, when I got fired, I'll never forget, nobody back then posted online about getting fired. It was something people kept themselves and felt shameful for. So when it first happened to me, I felt really lonely. I felt ashamed for a moment. I felt alone and isolated, not a part of something. I made a commitment to myself when I did that, when I moved through that to reframe getting fired. I want people to see getting fired as in good company.

Oprah's been fired. J.K. Rowling's been fired. Steve Jobs has been fired. I've been fired. It's a launch point for greatness, right? Like, it's something to be celebrated. And if I stop posting about it and sharing that with people, it's not going to exist anymore. It's going to go back to the way it used to be.

No one talks about it. People don't like to talk about getting fired. So I do it because I don't want people to feel isolated or alone. And I also believe data doesn't lie. The majority of messages I get every day and I literally get hundreds of DMs a week are people thanking me for shining a light on the adversity that I face and overcome because it gives them hope. It allows them not to feel alone and to feel in good company. And my ultimate goal is I want getting fired to be reframed as launch point in good company. It doesn't need to stay the way this past way it's been seen as a negative. So I sent off the note to her I didn't hear back,

which is fine. But I share that with you in that you can send one note out to a group of people and you're going to have a variety of responses based upon where they are in their life, what's going on in their situation. But I just remind you this. Not all the feedback we're going to get as positive for sure. This week I've gotten a lot of negative feedback. But the key is to be calm and respond when you're ready. Don't just hit the reply button. Don't just respond and don't decide that you know what's going on for someone else, right? It's not about them and their situation. It's just about how you can process it and manage it. And for sure, sometimes I get these messages from people and I get pissed in the moment, right? I'm like, what an asshole or what a jerk. I don't like that person.

And good, unfollow me. I don't care. You know, I think those thoughts. But then I say, okay, you can be better than this, Heather. Like, how can you show up in this moment? And typically the answer is, go work out, get moving, like get your head off of this. And the right answer will come to you. And it eventually does. And when it does in a calm way, then I can, I can handle it. And so can you. Right. So the next time somebody frustrates you or upsets you, give yourself a little bit of grace and some space, process it, think about it, and then that right answer will come to you. And that's how I'm going to approach 2022, is that, you know, things aren't always going to go my way, just like 2021. I tried to plan and I couldn't.

So I'm just going to give up this whole idea that I can plan. And I'm just going to turn it over to whatever those opportunities are going to be, they're going to show up. And I'm going to be redirected millions of times, I'm sure, but I'm not going to get bogged down in the negative, right? My son, as I mentioned, is back on virtual school now. I'm not going to stay on this. I'm going to say, this is temporary. Everything changes. Everything passes.

Whether you're in a good situation or bad, it's going to change and pass. And I know that I was able to make it through one year of virtual. And he was able to make it too. And then he had this amazing 2021. And we're going to find ways to keep him in person, even if it doesn't happen at school, even if it doesn't happen in school, you know, learning or. basketball or whatever, I'm going to find other ways to make it happen. And I'm going to take action immediately. I'm not going to wait. So that's one of the big things that I learned from

last year. I hope that you're reflecting on whatever big things you learned from last year. And I am ready to kick off 2022 with a major bang because 2021 left a little bit of bang less. It didn't give me the bang that I thought we were going to get. So I'm going for more in 2022, but also open to. I can't control it. Turning it over. And I'm wishing you the greatest year yet. And hopefully we tackle this one, taking a lot of action until next week. I hope you keep creating your confidence. And if you like this episode, please share, leave a review, tag me if you're going to share it. And I will repost it. And every time you share an episode, it just tells me you like that episode to give you more of that kind of content. So if you could share what you do like,

that helps me to do a better job for you. And I appreciate you.