Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #181: Choose Your Story, CHANGE Your Life With Kindra Hall Chief Storytelling Officer At Steller Collective

Episode Date: January 11, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to believe in yourself  The steps to telling your story    Tools to analyze and understand stories better Resources: Website: www.kindrahall.com & www.stellercollective.com  Read: Choose Your Story, Change Your Life Join: Stories That Stick LinkedIn & Facebook: @Kindra Hall Instagram: @kindrahall Twitter: @kindramhall Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  We cannot change what has happened to us. What we CAN do is choose to tell better stories, ones that move us towards our goals instead of keeping us stuck or pulling us backwards. Kindra Hall, the storytelling expert, is relaying some of her BEST tips when it comes to using stories to reach success in your life and in business. Our life is created based on the stories we tell ourselves, so instead of trying to change the stories that did not serve you, lean into the narratives that are in line with your intentions! About Kindra Hall: Joining us again is one of the most incredible key-note speakers, best selling author of Stories That Stick, and the President and Chief Storytelling Officer at Steller Collective, Kindra Hall! With her expertise in strategic storytelling Kindra helps top global brands cultivate uplifting stories to better communicate their products. Kindra is here to bring us a NEW perspective on storytelling and help you put your best foot forward!   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We can't change what has happened to us. We can't change the stories or even how we previously exemplified those stories or lived out those stories or perpetuated those stories that didn't serve us. That can't be changed. But what we can do is choose better stories, choose to tell ourselves on repeat stories that serve us, stories that move us toward our goal instead of keeping us stuck or even pulling us backwards. I'm on this journey with me.

Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to re-meet. If you're new to me, maybe this is your first time meeting her. I'm not sure. If you are my OG, you already know her.

And you know it's very rare. I have people back on the show, but this one had to happen. Kendra Hall is a president and chief storytelling officer at Stellar Collective, a consulting firm focused on the strategic application of storytelling to today's communication challenges. Kendra's message spans all industries. Her clients include Facebook, Hilton Hotels, Tyson Foods, Target, Berkshire Hathaway, and Harvard Medical School.

Shout out to Harvard. her Wall Street Journal bestselling book, Stories That Stick, was released by HarperCollins leadership in the fall of 2019, which Forbes said may be the most valuable business book you read. Holy cow. Kendra has become the go-to expert for storytelling in business and beyond. Her work can be seen on ink.com, entrepreneur, and as a chief storytelling officer at Success Magazine. Kendra, thank you so much for coming back on the show. Heather, it's like coming home and hanging out with an old friend. see you. Glad to be here. Oh my gosh. Yeah. So behind the scenes, Kendra, a couple of years ago, when I first started out on my own, I was connected to Kendra through a mutual friend.

And she was kind enough to get on the phone with me and explain some insights into the speaking business, which I super appreciate. Thank you for doing that for me. And after that, we stayed in touch. And then we ran into each other randomly when you were on vacation in Miami recently at, of course, none other than SoulCycle. Oh my gosh. I know. That was like the best. That was the best. A, I mean, going to SoulCycle while you're on vacation is pretty awesome in and of itself, but then to run into you and be able to chat all things. Well, at that time it wasn't speaking. It was all things book. I just, I had forgotten that that was how we met was when you called to talk about speaking and look at you now. You're all grown up. You're doing so well. I know. This was a relationship written in the stars, Heather. Yes, it was. And I'm so glad to have you back here today. So, Kendra, let's, Kendra, let's. start with something that's super important. Everyone, like the buzzword right now is storytelling, storytelling in marketing, storytelling and social. And for you, this is not a buzzword. This is a lifestyle.

So you are the OG storytell. And I just wanted you to share with everybody how this is not just some new flash in the pan for you. I know. It's so, it's so funny when people will say, wow, storytelling is really a thing right now. And I just smile. I like to think that I help to make it a thing in a way. I told my first story when I was 11. So it was, I realized it was almost 30 years ago, which is crazy to say out loud. And it was just an assignment for fifth grade. And when I went in to tell this story, it was to a room full of third graders. I saw right away the power that a story has to captivate in that case, a roomful of third

graders, a very distracted audience. And I would say that was like the beginning of my interest because I really felt like, I found something, a secret that other people didn't know. And along the way, I was kept on the path to continue to pursue storytelling. So in high school, I was on the speech team and competed in storytelling. And that is where I met a teacher who told me about a storytelling competition. And so I entered the storytelling competition, which brought me to Tennessee to compete in the storytelling competition. And that is where I learned about the National Storytelling Festival.

which happens the first weekend in October in Jonesboro, Tennessee, every year. And so I went to that. And that is where everything really changed for me. You know, you've probably never heard of a storytelling festival. But there I was. I was, I think it was like a freshman in senior in high school, a freshman in college. And I was sitting in these seats and they put up, I mean, the town doesn't even have a stoplight. That's how small the town is. And they put up these huge circus tents and they cram all these chairs. And on this weekend, any given year, they'll be 15,000 people that fled this town to come and hear storytellers. And I remember sitting on these little plastic chairs crowded under these tents and watching storytellers on the stage. And they weren't there to sell anything. They weren't there for a product. They were just there to tell stories. But I remember watching and definitely seeing that there was not only an art and an arc to how these stories were being created, which is what inspired my original. my first book to really dive deeper into what makes a great story and then how can you use that in business. But I think sitting there under that tent at the storytelling festival and hearing these tellers

tells stories that for all intents and purposes were really small moments in their life. Funny things that had happened, old teachers, some case it was like old boyfriends or whatever and take these really small moments and fully lean into and then share with an audience, but you know they had to feel it for themselves, what those little collections of the small stories in our life mean. And that is really what our life is made of, are these small stories that we carry with us, which is, in many senses, the inspiration for the new book that I wrote. So whether it's outward storytelling in business with a very clear objective or whether it's inward storytelling and recognizing the beauty and the joy and the fullness of your own life,

there's a lot that storytelling can do. So I just want to mention the first book, Stories That Stick. We actually have a whole episode on Stories That Stick, guys. So if you are interested in how to brand yourself in business and leverage story to advance sales and drive your business, go back and listen to that episode with Kendra. it's really powerful. And today we're also going to get into, as Kinder mentioned, the story that you're telling yourself,

which is really choose your story, change your life, which is your new book that just came out. Yeah, that's why I was so excited to talk with you, Heather, because I know that, I mean, of course, our messages are very different, but when you're talking about overcoming your villains or the confidence,

it has so much to do with what's going on between our own two years, you know? and really the ability to take ownership of that and master that has the ability to change your life, hence the title. Well, I want to share this story with you that this is so random. I mean, it's so aligned with your book. It's crazy. And I actually mentioned it in my book, Overcome Your Villains, but I have like a half a chapter about this where you have a book about this. So clearly, this is definitely much more advanced than I get into.

But I had this realization back in 2019, I went to Disney with my sister. She was the smart one growing up, you know, like many of us had that sibling, right, that was on a pedestal. Because she was a smart one. I decided I wasn't the smart one. You know, alternatively, like in my mind, I just figured I'm not smart, right? So no one ever came out and said that to me directly, but it was my understanding, I guess. And I never even was cognizant of it. We're sitting in Disney.

And she says to me, oh, I took. the kids in for IQ testing last week. And I start laughing because I think that sounds crazy. And she says, why are you laughing at me? I said, because, you know, only you. Like, give me a break. Anyways, let's change the subject. And she said, why? You don't take your son, you know, for an IQ test? I said, why would I do that? She said, you don't remember when you went for an IQ test with me when you were little? I said, no, I don't remember that. And she went on to tell me that while she scored off the charts highest test they had ever given, I still reached genius level. I just didn't reach her level. And it was one of those mic drop moments. I said, wait a minute. Say this again. I am a genius. She said, well, you tested genius level on an IQ

test. I'm not saying you're a genius, Heather, but you tested that level. And I went back to my hotel room that night. I couldn't fall asleep. I started going through in my mind just because she's, the smart one, doesn't mean I'm not smart too. I am smart to according to this test. It was like getting that, you know, certification or approval that you're wondering would I ever have that. And I'm sitting there all night. I couldn't sleep thinking how different my life would be had I chosen or told myself the story that she was a smart one and I'm a smart one too. What meetings would I have gotten to? What opportunities would I put myself out there? What, you know, what conversations would I have engaged in that I remember consciously. I pulled out of meetings if I would hear, oh, he's a

Harvard grad. Guys, I'm not going to be able to make that meeting or I can't do this because secretly I thought I'd be discovered as the not smart one. That's it right there. And you didn't even necessarily remember where that story, where or when that story was born, like what a gift that your sister remembered that and that she could, like you can gain insight into who you are when someone else tells you a story that you have since forgotten. But you're absolutely right.

And this happens to us, all of us, all of us on a daily basis. We make decisions based on the stories we've told ourselves about ourselves. And you said it right there. The key here isn't to, let's not to say that different things didn't happen or that your sister is actually an idiot. Like what would have happened if you had chosen to tell yourself that you are a genius and you would have behaved differently. You would have in that, you would have, you would have stepped up to those meetings. You would have shared your ideas. You, I mean,

everything could have been different if you had just told yourself a different story. This happens on so many different levels, again, almost every single day. We make decisions based on the stories that are inside our heads and whether or not they belong there, whether or not they're true, whether or not there are versions, various versions of the story, the final result is still the same. Our life is created based on the stories we tell ourselves. So where do you tell people to start? So in the book, it was important for me, right, to have a method because otherwise it would have just been, you know, a chapter, right?

Like, hey, you should just choose a better story. But to have a method, because one of the things that we're up against here is the, when something is so automated, we don't even pay attention to it. Right. Like we don't even know. So here's this huge thing that is creating our lives that we don't even give conscious thought to. And so I wanted to give like a methodical approach to making the unconscious conscious. So there are four steps. The first one is to catch the stories in the act. And you did it right there. Like, oh, she's the smart one.

I'm the dumb one. And they can show up in a variety of different ways, just truths that you say that sounds so truthful. Like she's the smart one. I'm the not smart one. Anytime something like that you hear yourself say something like that or a limiting belief pops up, that's a sign that there are stories there

at work. And the first step is, is catching them. That is, I mean, that's hard to do, right? Because in life, we're so busy. And like you said, it's on repeat. We're running in this, you know, routine that we've already created, that to actually get your attention to say, wait a minute, maybe this isn't true. That's hard. Yeah. I recommend several different things. So one of them is to just set random story checks, kind of like your watch will tap you and tell you to breathe randomly. I think I turned that feature off because it was just starting to, or how it'll tell you to like stand up all the time. I'm like, can you just, can you just let me sit? Please, I'm tired, tired today. To use that, maybe it's the stand up feature on your watch and say,

all right, what story am I telling myself right now? What is going through my head right now? My spin instructor at Soul Cycle, she'll often do like a story check, which is so funny because I, and she'll be like, all right, hold on before we go into this song, what are you saying to yourself right now? What are the words? What are the stories that are going through your head? And spin just happens to be a place where I tell myself the best stories, which is why I always go there, because I want to put myself in an environment as frequently as possible where I am, I get in the practice of telling myself great stories. But I know there are people all around me who are like, I can't do this next song. It's going to be too fast. It's going to be too hard. I'm already too tired. Whatever it is.

That's you. Okay. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Tachiatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Tachiatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only apps, psychiatry is psychiatry. That means you're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All their 600-plus clinicians are in network with major insurers so you can use your existing

insurance instead of paying monthly subscriptions or out-of-network fees. You'll meet with an experience licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan, and can prescribe medication when it's right for you. Your care stays consistent and evidence-based. Head to tachiatry.com slash confidence and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. Starting the year with a wardrobe refreesome. Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts.

Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered, from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup, to 100% silk tops and skirts for easy dressing up to perfectly cut denim for everyday wear. Their wardrobe essentials are crafted to last season after season. Their Italian wool coats are real standouts. They're beautifully tailored, soft to the touch, and built to carry you through years of wear.

Not just one season. The quality shows in every detail. The stitching, the fit, the fabrics. Every piece is thoughtfully designed to be your new wardrobe essential. And like everything from quince, each piece is made from premium materials in ethical trusted factories

that are priced far below what other luxury brands charge. I can't tell you how much I am loving my new cashmere sweater. It's a stable for sure, and I can't wait to give one to my best friend for her birthday this year. It is timeless, gorgeous, and the softest thing I've ever touched. Which quince pieces are you interested in? From the bags to the denim, to the sweaters, to the jackets, they're all incredible luxury high-end products without the high-end price. Refresh your wardrobe with quince.

Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash confidence for free shipping on your order. and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash confidence.

When you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. All in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today.

registered agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U.S. with over 1,500 corporate guides, real people who know your local laws and can help you in your business every step of the way. Build your business identity fast with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free resources, forms, and step-by-step guides without even creating an account. Sign up for a free account. Sign up for a free account. to begin managing your business hub with lawyer-drafted operating agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership certificates, bills of sale, and more, all at no cost.

Northwest is your one-stop business resource. Learn how to build a professional website, what annual filings your business needs to stay in good standing, and simple explanations of complicated business laws. With Northwest privacy is automatic. They never sell your data, and all services are handled in-house, because privacy by default is their pledge to all customers. Don't wait, protect your privacy, build your brand, and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit Northwestregisteredagent.com slash confidence-free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent

at www. northwestredgisteredagent.com slash confidence-free. So that would be a story check, but you can do that because if you're sitting there, so you know this, if you're sitting there on that bike and you're saying to yourself, I'm not going to be able to do this. Do you think you're, do you think you're going to be able to do it? No. No, of course not. Like these are the basic. I remember when my daughter came home and she was like, mother, I heard this quote, whether you believe you can or you believe you can't, you're right. And she's like in fourth grade. So yeah, it's the old, it's the old saying. But if you're sitting there telling yourself that story, what if you told yourself the story? What if you told yourself the story of two weeks ago when you actually felt really strong and you crushed one of those songs

and you're like, I did it last Tuesday. I can do it today. How different you would behave in that moment in that song. So finding moments throughout your day to do a story check. I haven't do it in the shower because my, when there's nobody else around, my like it just goes wild in there. Right. Like I can just be telling myself all kinds of stories and then stop and say, whoa, whoa, well, okay, what are and are these stories serving me? And anytime I find another, this is like a sure fireway. anytime you're procrastinating, chances are there's a story there too. Or anytime you find yourself saying no to something that you actually kind of want to do, but you feel just like you said, oh, I can't go to that meeting because I've got to,

but you kind of wanted to go to that meeting. But you're intimidated. You're scared. Yep. Exactly. So those are just a few of the strategies for catching those stories. And all that is is designed to have you say, wait, I, think there's more to this, which then moves you into the second step, which is to analyze those

stories and that belief that you have, like that your sister is the smart one. And so therefore you are not, well, where does that come from? And I bet you have a whole series of stories from your childhood of her being seen as the off the charts person that just continuously Can you remember any little like collections of stories where she was the Uber genius? Oh yes. Skipping a grade, getting a perfect SAT score, you know, Barack Obama teaching her in law school. I mean, just other level stories of how smart this woman is. Yeah. And so each one of those then comes back and creates this like in the book I refer to it as like an iceberg, right? This iceberg of collections of stories.

And probably in there are times where, you know, you were in a meeting and you felt, you felt like you weren't smart enough to be there or, you know, and so then that gets in there or when somebody perceived you is not smart and then that gets added in there, right? So I'm sure, and we're collecting these, we're collecting these stories. Some of them are big. Some of them are really, really small. It could just be a comment on Instagram or in a WhatsApp group. And suddenly it's like, oh, we put that all into our, into,

So the iceberg that props up that belief that, you know, I'm not smart. I'm not talented. I'm not enough. I'm not whatever your limiting belief is. And so that second step is to analyze and say, okay, where is this coming from? Like, why is it there? And ultimately, what price do I pay to hold on to this story and this belief about myself? And for you, I mean, you saw that play out in some really big ways. What I love about the second step is it's an opportunity for once you get to know your stories better and where they come from, it's an opportunity for forgiveness and understanding and compassion, not only for the other characters in your life, but also for yourself. Like, you can forgive yourself for forgetting, be like, oh my gosh, I just didn't even realize that that was the score I got. And you're

like, okay, well, put a pin in that. Now let's move forward. I know you've worked with a lot of people behind the scenes and currently are working with a lot of people within the book. What happens when someone says, Kendra, I get it. I've got the story I'm telling the told me back. I'm analyzing it. But I feel like I'm lying if I'm trying to change the story. That's exactly what we don't want you to do. This book, so there was a moment where in the discussions and you know the journey of writing a book. The title, Change Your Story, Change Your Life was thrown around. And I very explicitly said, no, it has to be choose your story, change your life. Because we can't change what has happened to us. We can't change the stories or even how we previously exemplified those stories or lived out those stories or perpetuated those stories that didn't serve us. Like that can't be changed. But what we can do is choose better stories. choose to tell ourselves on repeat stories that serve us,

stories that move us toward our goal instead of keeping us stuck or even pulling us backwards. So my guess is, for example, in your situation, if you are still struggling with the, I, you know, if you're like, well, okay, I get it, that I was a genius, but I still sometimes hang on to it, then, then you would look through your past and say, well, here's a story of when I was a genius. And here's a story that expresses my genius. And here's a story that explains that, yeah, actually, I'm a genius. And they can be really small stories. But when your brain is automating stories, we often, and especially for achievers who's listening to this, we downplay our successes. We forget.

And then on top of it, we also forget the struggle. We just have an ability to like absorb it and like deal with it and manage it and like have it process through us and, you know, exit out of our pores or whatever. But that combination is really dangerous because then you don't fully grasp your successes and you don't give yourself credit to the challenges that you've overcome. both of which are really important, powerful stories that you can choose to tell yourself in those moments when you really need it. And that is actually then the third step is to once you identify, you catch the story that isn't serving you, you analyze it and you understand it and you know where it's coming from and like how many of them you have and how big of a deal this is going to be and where, you know, all of that, then you can move into that phase of saying, okay, what if

I choose different stories from my life? This is. so interesting to me. I spent 20-something years in the media business and I've read so many white papers on this. And this is literally research to back up your point that you're making here, which is when you're talking and you're talking about retelling these stories and contributing more incidents to the story, like you said in the iceberg, all I could picture was frequency cells. And what I mean by that is in media, McDonald's does not buy one advertisement a year and call it a day because they're successful because of the one ad. They buy millions of ads a day so that you're hearing it on repeat, repeat, repeat. You're constantly adding to that, oh, it's McDonald's.

I'm supposed to go eat there. Oh, I remember when I'm hungry, go eat at McDonald's. And so frequency is what sells. And I'm linking that back to your book and your methodology because we are all telling ourselves a story with frequency. And the more we're doing that, the more we're ingraining it in our minds, the more real it's becoming and the more we're living that story. And it's just further proof to exactly what you're saying, which is, it's so crazy. I never thought of it that way. I've spoken like a true genius, Heather, with media genius. I'll take that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but you're, and that, and that leads perfectly then into what that fourth step is, which is to install. Our brain is automatically playing these stories for us. It has a negativity bias. It wants to keep us safe. So it's going to play back to us, the stories of when we failed, the stories of when it felt like we were threatened. This is what it's designed to do. It's designed for survival. So we can, for forgive our brain and appreciate it and thank it for that. But modern day threats are not the same.

And if you have a goal or a place you want to go or a place you want to be, your brain's response to modern threats, which are like a natural part of you evolving and getting to another level, your brain's going to work very hard against that goal just in the background. And so our goal then with this fourth step is to intentionally at first, because that's how it has to happen, increase the frequency with which we are telling ourselves these chosen stories that can quiet and eventually silence the other stories. We're rewiring that default. Now, it has to start, at first, it has to be super intentional. So maybe it is you write down your set of chosen stories, or you type them in your app or you have them on a post it.

You have a little subtitle for a little title so you can remember what each one is. And every morning you wake up, you revisit that story. And you're like, yeah, actually, this is who I am. This is what I'm about. Maybe you know that there's a staff meeting every morning at 9 a.m. And you can feel that not in your stomach where you're like, oh, gosh, am I going to. And you choose to retell yourself those stories. Like you put these on repeat.

anytime you feel that nagging like, oh, you're not smart. Don't go in there. You're not smart. You know to stop and say, hold on, I need to tell myself these stories until all that intentional repetition becomes automated. And that's what we eventually see or what I saw as I took people through this process, was over time, once they found their stories, once they started telling them themselves these stories, like their lives started.

changing in ways that they'd been trying to change for so long, but their stories weren't letting them do it. That frequency wasn't letting them do it. And so it's taking back control of what those stories are. Give us one of those stories with someone that you've worked with that you've seen breakthrough because of the process. In the book and in the, as I was doing the research, the third part of the book breaks down self-story telling in like five key areas of life. So how, they can work in your business and career, how they work in health and well-being, how yourself stories are there with money issues, love and relationships, and then family and parenting, which is so funny as I list each one of these, I'm thinking about all the stories that are

coming back that were either in the group or then transformed into the book. But one woman was there in the group and identified that money and finances was a really difficult area of her self-storyelling. And what it was doing ultimately was leaving her stressed, like constantly stressed, siphoning off, like the joy that is inherent or should be inherent in life because even though she was successful, even though she had a lot of business success, even though she was now running her own business, she had this constant story going that she didn't have enough money. She didn't have enough money. She didn't have enough money. She didn't enough money. That was her limiting belief. That's where we were like, okay, let's look. And she went back

and remembered in her childhood that she grew up very affluent. Like they, she came from a, you know, upper middle class. The adults in her household were always talking about not having enough money. And her, I believe it was her stepfather would say, well, we're going to be eating, we're going to be eating beans tomorrow. So blah, like it was this. It was always a part of their life. And yet they had plenty of money. Right. And so all of a sudden she realized, wait, this is why I feel this way. Because I have a lifetime of stories telling me that even when I have this much money, it's not enough money. And so now knowing like what we're working with here, her job was to spent some time looking, you know, in her, in her present or in her recent history for times when

she had enough money and like, and like what is enough to her? And so she found the story of a vacation that they took and she found the story of gifts she was able to buy. And she found the story of the house that they have and the all these things and thinking about each one of these stories and having this realization that all this time she had enough money. And like, that realization then let go. I mean, think about how that kind of statement and whatever that statement is that you have, how it weighs you down as you walk through life. Well, with that weight lifted, she actually wrote me later. She had started doing some like investing, like stock stuff, which she'd always wanted to do, but she never felt like she could because she didn't have enough

money. Just that shift in her having enough money, she had in two weeks after our, you know, going through this process, she had more clients than she had ever had. Because, and I mean, I don't, the book doesn't necessarily go all the way into manifestation and, and all of that. But when you're walking through life carrying a certain weight, the weight of your old stories, it blocks you from the possibility. So that shift of taking those stories, putting them down where they belong, having other stories lift her up, created, an entire different energy. And now, not only does she have enough money, but there's an abundance.

So that was one example. Part of that story is in the book, part of that. Yeah, but that's one example from one area. And it was just as someone putting belief or content or perspective into the world. And in this case, in the form of a book, there is just nothing more exciting than seeing something like that, like that kind of transformation. It was beautiful. Oh, my gosh.

That's so powerful. I love that that happened for her and for people in the group because then they can apply that learning as validation. This works. This is proof. You know, everybody was working on different aspects of your life. And we saw, I mean, there's one story in there about relationships that was really like mind-blowing.

I'm not going to tell you that one. But for anyone who's been, you know, looking for a partner or working on their relationships, like it was a really cool expression of the methodology when it comes to love and relationships. There's just, I don't know, it was really exciting for me to see what's possible when we change our stories or choose better ones. What story did you have to choose better for yourself?

Here's the thing is you probably experienced this, but when you write a book like that, it's a little, it's hard because, I mean, I am an expert, I suppose, in some ways because I did the research, I investigated things, I'm the one that pieced together through trial and error, the methodology. However, any time you're trying to grow or develop or write a book that helps others grow and develop, you grow and develop yourself.

And so there's been a lot of different, even just as recent as a couple of days ago, like realizations. But one of the stories that I have had to work on throughout my career really is my story about motherhood. and what it means to be a quote unquote good mom. And for a long time I carried around that I wasn't a good mother. And I was, again, waited every day and every decision, like every success with work, there was always this little voice in my head that was like, well, yeah, but, you know, your kids are, you miss the dance recital or the, it wasn't even a recital. It was like the little, you know what I mean?

And I just had enough. It was no way to, it was making me worse at my job. And it was, again, stealing joy from an otherwise joyful. It was just ridiculous. And that's one thing that you will learn as you go through this process, like how ridiculous we really are. Like you thinking that, like totally selling yourself short for most of your life. Like that is, it's ridiculous and funny in the end. But that was a belief that I knew I needed to change and I needed to choose. And I needed to choose. better stories in order to do it. And I was carrying around, like, analyze, so where does this come from? And one of the places that came from is my own mother, not any fault of her own, but my own mother, her dream was to quit working when I was born. Her great regret was that she still had to go to

work when I was a baby. And then by the time my brother was born, her and my father had like cobbled together, whatever their life tapestry was going to be. And she could quit her job and stay with us. And she was, you know, the best at decorating. There were always arts and crafts. And she was on every field trip. And like, and I just couldn't, that wasn't me. And I had a passion to teach what I'm teaching here. And then there were all the little failures of like field trips that I wasn't on or the time they were supposed to bring sugar pumpkins to the Halloween party. And I forgot. And New York City was completely sold out of sugar pumpkins by the time I went to find one. And I had to send her in with like a big 40 pound pumpkin, which yeah, she can't walk to school with a 40 pound pumpkin.

So that didn't. I mean, you know, like these are the thing, but they all add up and they play back to you. And finally one day, I was coming down to a really big decision for work. And I almost said no, because of these stories, I was telling myself, like, I can't be gone again. I'm failing my children. And I decided maybe I should see if there's a better story to tell. And when I looked back on, my life as a mother with that lens. Like, what are my good mom stories? All of a sudden, there was the story of the time that I did go on one of the field trips. And I was so good at being a chaperone that then the teacher from then on sent me emails before each field trip. Like, hey, I know you travel a lot. I know you're really busy with work. But are you by chance around for

this one? Because if you are, I want you to be the parent on this field trip before I put it out to anybody else. Like a teacher's not going to do that if you're a bad mother or the time a parent came up to me and she said, you know, my son is new to the school and your son was so kind to him. And he comes home every day talking about your son and that your son is playing with him on the playground and helping him find his way. And she's like, I just am so grateful for your son. I mean, my son is responsible for himself, but I'm pretty sure an awesome mom is also helped make that happen. Like, raise a kind, compassionate boy who can recognize. I was a fellow student who's brand new and needs a friend. Like, okay, I'm going to put that in the

good mom bucket. Right. And so as I started adding it up, again, I just felt silly. Like, why do I let this rule so much of my life? And so I started putting these positive stories on repeat. And really for a long time, that limiting belief, that negative story, that pit of unpleasantness, like in misery, was gone. I was able to automate. So then when a situation would come up, that yeah, looked different than what other families situations looked like. I could see it as, oh, well, this is what me being a mom looks like. And here's how it's cool versus, oh, gosh, I should have done this. And oh, so that was a story that that I had to change for myself. A lot of people have that one in Com and Kendra, a lot of working moms and moms that love their job. I think

that totally resonates with them. It resonates with me. Yeah, but it is up to you. It's your job to find those and to believe them and to put in the effort to put them on repeat. Like it's one thing to say, no, I know I'm a good mom. But it doesn't have the same umph that no, no, I know I'm a good mom because of this and this and this and this and remembering it. And I can still remember the field trip. It was just walk around the block. But in New York City, like you need all the other parents were on their phones on that field trip. And I was like helping the kids. like not walk into the street. I'm like, the bar was low. Just don't look at your phone when you're on the field trip. But I remember like I remember shuttling all the kids in their coats as they were, they were making note of like the building numbers. And it was actually really cute. But I can see it. And when I think back and I see it and I feel how that field trip felt and to know that I was like

really showing up, even as I tell you that story, I'm like, oh, yes, yes. That is what being a mom is all about. and I did it. And I just want to add to your story also that the fact that you're teaching the kids and showing by example what it means to create success at work to and your own independent value outside of the home, I think that is incredibly valuable for our kids. So they have that option available to them of what is possible for them. And the reality is it's entirely possible that my daughter will say, you know what, I grew up in a house where my mother, like, I'm proud of her. She worked really hard. She was traveling.

I want to stay home. Like that's where I. And again, this is, I think there's an important part to of this process and or that comes with it is if you're taking ownership of your stories, it also enables you to let to give other people their stories. Like if that's what happens with my daughter and she's like, hey, I want to, I want to be home. And that's what I want to do. I will be like, you go tell. that story, you go write that story. If that story feels good for you, then let that be your story. And I fully support it because I fully support my own story. And I don't know, there's a lot of, there's a lot of tangential good, I think, that comes from owning your stories. It's so powerful. So choose your story, change your life. Obviously, everyone needs to get it. Where do they find the book and how can they find you? They can find the book wherever books are sold, bookshop. dot org. If you go there, you'll be able to choose a local bookstore. If you are wanting to support local bookstores, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, of course, you can find me at kindrahall.com. I'm also on

Instagram at Kendra Hall. Facebook. I think it's Kindra Hall fan. That's how you know how old my Facebook page is. It's back when you were fans of pages. Do you remember them? How cute. I should probably change it or something. I'm not on TikTok. I just haven't gotten there. yet, but those are just a few of the places. You haven't chosen that story for TikTok for you yet. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yep, exactly. That's what I say. I'm like, I will, I fully accept that I may take that story on someday and I have not yet done it. Well, if you're looking to choose your story, grab the book, choose your story, change your life by Kendra Hall. I will link to the book and show notes. Kendra, thank you so much for making time for us today. Thank you so much for having me back.

Heather, always a pleasure. All right, guys. Until next. week. Keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. See you then.