Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #186: When Challenges Are A GIFT in Disguise With Heather!

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Processing failures  Reacting strategically Using empathy to your advantage Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  You will make mistakes. It’s a fact of life! But you don’t have to react with emotions and ego. You can take the time to process those feelings and return to the situation with EMPATHY rather than anger. Emotions have no place in business. But understanding does! Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Consult a trusted advisor. Own your failures and take responsibility. People will respect you when you do. I know I have struggled with challenges. But they don’t have to take you down! Embrace them as a gift to learn and move forward.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me today. Thank you. I really appreciate you.

You know, the way that podcasting works is we're basically judged on downloads, right? Subscribers and downloads. So anytime you guys subscribe, rate and review. share it with your friends, post about the show. It helps so, so much to help me get more downloads, to get better ranking, to get heard by more. Because if you're ride or die with me, you're like, oh, Heather, what are you talking about? Everybody knows you. But the reality is, like, no one knows me. I swear it is that way, because I'm not anywhere near where I'd like to be. Of course, I want to be at the highest level. I want to be crushing it. Millions of downloads like Caitlin Bristow or

some of these huge shows that are out there. And obviously, success does not happen overnight. It's a long-term game. It's not a quick one and done. And I knew that going into podcasting, but, you know, I have really high expectations of myself. Let's just put it that way. So anything you can do to help, always super appreciated, super appreciate you being here. And if you could share the show, it'll mean the world to me. And this week, I'm going to do a book giveaway. Anyone that shares the show, you, you, you, when you post about the show and tag me, you are immediately entered to win an autographed copy of Overcome Your Villains, my new book. And I can't wait to pull a winner this week and get that book out to you. So please share the

show. Thank you for doing that. So I'm going to share two different business stories with you first, and then I'm going to share kind of a bigger picture overview of challenges in my life. and I'm doing it for me selfishly because it's a reminder that when hard times come, you know, there's something really great on the other side, but it's always tough to see what that great thing is before you break through. So I'm going to share that with you. Okay, let's start here. So I do some executive coaching. Not a lot, but I have a select few clients I work with. I try to keep it only to under five clients a quarter that I work with. And two different things happened with some clients in the last month that I wanted to share that I thought was interesting.

One, and I've talked to you about this before, there is no place for emotion in business. None. That's taken us back to the woman that fired me. It was completely emotional. Her stock got crushed. And, you know, it's just, it's hard when you make a decision based on emotion in business, you will live to regret it. So when someone gives really constructive feedback and it's harsh, sometimes people have a hard time swallowing that pill, right? I've talked about that on the show before.

You know, I've had people somewhat attack me, but, you know, say, hey, I'm not attacking you. I'm just giving you feedback, but maybe not position it in the best light. And it's a little painful to swallow that. Well, one of my clients had been running around at the holiday time, nine million things going on, end of year going on, and a big meeting was coming up. And she delegated a lot to her team and whatnot. And come today. of, you know, she realized she hadn't gone through the paces and checks and balances that she normally would, which happens to all of us sometimes, right? You know, no harm, no foul. And she goes into the meeting, and this was a really high profile potential client, not yet a client. And she

sits down to make the pitch, which she's done a million times, and she's incredibly successful and brilliant. And she starts leading the meeting. And the client, or potential client, stops her and says, well, what about this? You haven't mentioned this when she did the overview of what they were going to cover. And she didn't have what he was asking for. So right there, she realized, wait a minute, we didn't qualify correctly on the front end, right? So going into anything, for example, I'm giving a keynote tomorrow for an MLM company. I qualify ahead of time, nine million times. Just want to make sure that we're on the same page. What is the end result and goal that you have in mind for my keynote? And I had her articulated again. Heather, I want

my team motivated, inspired, and I also want them to have tactical tips around social media promotion and tactical tips around sales and sales drivers. So I've written that down 800 times, so I'm crystal clear so I can deliver. My client realized that in all of the hurry and hustle that she had going on, no one had actually had that conversation. So I'm asking you right now for any clients that you have, any business that you're working on, make sure to qualify it first. You know, get clear on expectations on the front end. That's the most important thing to do in your pre-work. And then put it back in writing so that everybody's on the same page. Anyway, she made a mistake. Happens to all of us. And she's in the meeting and realizing,

holy cow, we blew this. This is a huge opportunity. We've lost it. But she, you know, she made her way through the meeting. And I'm sure she did a great job. But they weren't able to answer the one thing that the client really had wanted the one outcome he had really wanted because they didn't come prepared. Now, that didn't mean they couldn't circle back with him after, of course, and they would, and that was basically what they said, because that's all they could say. They weren't at their office. You know, they were an off-site remote location. They said, we'll circle back with all of that after.

We'd like to, you know, move on to the things that we can address and cover today, and we will get back with you. So it's a bust. And after she leaves, right, she had traveled to see the client. She traveled, brought her team to see the client, right, all these things. And now she needed the follow-up was really going to be instrumental, and she was very frustrated with herself that she had let this happen. So she gets an email from the potential client that night, and it was super harsh, you know, basically saying, listen, you somewhat wasted my time, and I don't know how you didn't understand this is what I wanted and or needed. It, you know, it's really unfortunate. And frankly,

I'm really shocked that, you know, as the expert I perceive you as, that you would make a fumble like this. It was something really rough. I'm probably not even doing it justice. And so my client was emotional. She felt angry, offended. Totally happens. First of all, when that happens, never respond in the moment, ever. And my client didn't either. She actually sent me a 911 text and said, hey, I need to get an emergency session on the book in the next 24 hours. Something critical came up. Where can you fit me in? And we made it happen. And she explains me everything that was going on. That was smart. When you feel really emotional, pause. Number one, I wait 24 hours to respond to anything when I'm emotional. And that always pays off. Don't respond. Even in my personal life, I do this too. I did this. I was upset

with my son last night and I decided I was just going to sleep on it, even though I was really upset at the time. And I felt differently this morning, you know, having some time to process it and be rested. So pause, first and foremost. Secondly, if you have a trusted advisor that you can reach out to, someone who's an expert in arena that, you know, you're having some struggles and tap that person for help. But don't just tap some random person because they're not going to be able to help you, and they're probably going to give you bad advice. Okay, so we get on the phone. She takes me through everything. I'm listening to it. Now, I have no emotion around this, right, because I'm a bystander. I didn't not qualify it. I wasn't in the meeting. I didn't get the email from the

potential client, and I'm not suffering the potential loss, right? My client is. So that was really interesting, too, because I had no zero emotional charge around the email, and she read it to me. It wasn't sent to me. It was sent to her, of course. So I processed it from an objective. standpoint, only looking at, okay, fair point, he's right. You know, we didn't qualify ahead of time. He's right. In some ways, we did waste his time. I saw it through a lot of the lens of, oof, you know, he's being really harsh, but he is right, factually speaking. She did not process it that way. But when I shared with her the lens at which I saw it through, she did understand, right? And she calmed down a little bit, but she kept, you know, circling back to you. Yeah,

but did he have to speak to me like that in the email? And, you know, she was still emotionally charged and upset. So I said, listen, here's the bottom line. Do you want to close this piece of business or not? That's step one. You've got to determine that because right now the way you're acting, it sounds like you don't. And that's okay. I remember learning early on in my career, if you don't want to work with somebody, just don't put the effort in, right? If there's not a match or if they disrespect you or treat you poorly, whatever it is, you don't have to take every piece of business. You don't have to let people treat you a certain way. You can respect and create your own boundaries and you decide, right? You can fire clients. You don't

have to entertain clients if you don't like the exchange with them. That is fine. And so that was my first question to her. She said, no, I want this business. This is flipping huge. It'll be my biggest client. I said, okay, so we're clear. The goal here is to close this business, correct? And she says yes. Okay, then you need to step away from emotion. Now, put yourself in his shoes. He was upset. He lost time. He lost time from his family. He had traveled, right? So we started trying to empathize with his situation. I said, now, here's what I would do. I would fall on the sword. I would respond and say, I hear everything you're saying, and you are right. It is really embarrassing that I did not qualify this.

And it's like a rookie mistake. However, I have 25 plus years of expertise in this industry, which is unacceptable. And I so appreciate you taking the time to give me the feedback to send me this email. Because here's the thing, guys, when he sent the email to her, yes, he might have been pissed. Yes, he might have wanted to get it off his chest. but he's also engaging with her. To me, that's a buying sign. Right?

When I look at it objectively, he's wanting to do business with her. He didn't have to send her an email complaining about that. He could have just gone on with his merry little life and never spoken to her again. So I opened her eyes to the idea, this is a buying sign. He wants to work with you, but he has to get this upset off his chest. So when you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. all in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest Registered Agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses

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She kept blaming her team for things on social media. That is not a leader. It doesn't matter if your team blew something up. You are in charge. So we talked about that. Own everything. Don't blame anyone. Own everything yourself. Be grateful for the feedback because that means it's a buying sign and he's engaging with you. Right. And we're grateful for that. And thank him. He didn't have to offer the feedback. It's also going to disarm someone. So when someone's angry and upset, they're going to lash out more and more. When we agree with them, apologize for the mistake. mistakes that we've made because they are honest mistakes. You know, we didn't intend to do that. That's a fine situation to apologize because we didn't want to waste his time. Certainly, we want to earn his business. And then thank him for taking the time to give us a feedback. So she decided to move forward with that strategy. And then I said one last thing. I would also suggest adding on as a close. You always want to have a call to action, you know, at any type of follow-up.

And so I said, in the call to action here, I would want to include when is a good day for me to fly to you, for you to go anywhere, not for you to wasting time, but for me to fly to you. So I can apologize to face to face, and I can present the missing material that you were so looking for in that. You know, that's just going the extra mile, showing that I am a true partner. I'm someone that shows up and you matter. I see you. And then I said, because I'm over the top, I said, find out what this guy drinks or find out like what specialist guy get it immediately and overnight it. So he has it tomorrow with a card saying, thank you for, you know, talking with me about this. Just little things like that really make a big difference because a lot of people don't do them.

So she did move forward with the plan and he ended up when she fell on the sword, you know, and she owned it. She apologized. And then she closed with that call to action. Then she sent the, I think it was a bottle of whiskey or something, I don't know. And he got it. He called her and said, oh, my gosh, your response was so kind, so empathetic. And I feel like a jerk. I was a little too harsh on you.

So do you see how that mental judiths who works, right? When you really are just so kind and understanding and accepting and owning what went wrong, that other person says, oof, I guess I shouldn't have been so harsh on you in that email. And now he's apologizing to her. Of course he gave her the other meeting. Of course he was willing to do it at a time that worked for her. And of course, in the end, she gets a deal. So that's just an interesting business example that is really around qualifying

expectations on the front end, making sure we do our pre-work, right? Have a checklist so that you don't forget things like that. And then when things do go wrong, and they will, right, they go wrong for me all the time. I'm always making mistakes in learning. You know, own it. Don't dodge it. Oh my gosh, the lady that I used to work with that ended up firing me, she would never own mistakes. Never. Capital N, never. And it was such a flawed, it was a character flaw in her as a leader that held her back from being a true leader, and everybody saw it. She'd never want to say, this is acceptable responsibility, the reason why the company is not doing well. No, it was always, this division isn't doing this right. This one is not doing it. And people don't respect leaders like

that. If you want to lead, you've got to be willing to fall on the sword. Okay, so that was one story. The other story was last week I got a 911 from someone that I had worked with last year, but I currently wasn't under contract with. And it was so funny. He said, I need to contract you immediately. And I need a bunch of time in the next few days from you, which was crazy. So anyways, we start working together again. He had a product launch coming out, super innovative, really exciting.

I was super excited for him. And so he said, okay, what's the goal today? What are we working on? He said, I want to work on our rollout for the product launch and team meeting. And he's telling me all the reasons why he's excited, right? and I'm not going to get into them. But it's everything that would matter to an owner. And I'm listening and I'm listening and I'm letting him empty his glass. And then when he's done, I said, okay, that's great. However, why are your employees going to care? Right. And so, again, we have to put ourselves in the

shoes of the other person. And so he and I did that together. We came up with an outline. And really, the outline was around, why are we even doing this? Right. Like, let's answer this question, number one. You know, why us? Why are we the right team to do it? And then why does this matter to you, right? Are you going to make more money? Are you going to have more clients? Are you going to have reasons to reach out to people to renew contracts? Are you going to have more cachet in the industry? Is it going to elevate yourself and your brand? What are all the reasons that this is going to benefit you, the other person? And then what is the elevator pitch? Because if you can't simplify something, you don't understand it yourself. So you need to make something that's new so simple and

easy to understand. A nine-year-old can understand it and a 90-year-old can understand it at the same time. And then what is the closing and next steps plan to move forward? So we went through it, went through it, went through it, answered the questions, came up with the analogies and came up with the stories he would include, really making it, you know, about a mission and very purpose-driven so that they would take ownership of this and run with it. Actually, he had his presentation today. I haven't spoken to him yet, but I'm certain it's going to go great because the new product's amazing. And he totally got putting them as a star of the show, not him, which a lot of owners don't get, right? But it's cool to see the CEOs out there that are willing to invest in themselves, ask for help, and say,

I want to do better. I want to grow. And he's definitely that guy. So he's certainly going to find success with this new initiative. Okay. So those were the two stories I wanted to share with you around clients that just kind of caught my attention that I was thinking about might be able to add value to you. Now, this is bigger picture, but I want to take it back to business and epic fails hard times and how each one of them ended up being a gift. But gosh, in the moment, I did not know it. And I'm sharing this with you today because I don't know where you are in your journey. I don't know if you're frustrated and hate your job. I don't know if you're a new entrepreneur and struggling to make it. I don't know if you're on top of the world, right? But I

do know this. Wherever you are today is not permanent. It is temporary. It will change. It can improve. It can get harder. You know, and then it can cycle again. So what's key is the perspective that we have when we're in it. You know, choosing to see life as an adventure, not a chore, right? Like, oh, this could be exciting this week ahead. Who knows what's about to happen versus, oh, gosh, I know what's about to happen. It's going to be awful, right? Like making that choice, choosing that perspective, and that different way to see things. And this is what I'm working on for myself, too. Of course, because people preach and teach about what they need to hear. And that's why I wrote the book, Confidence Creator, and Overcome Your Villains,

because I constantly need to be working on recreating my confidence and not allowing villains in my life. Okay. So here's the thing. When I first got out of school, I went to work for the Gala Winery. And I had the most amazing boss, Matt. I loved him, loved him, still love him to this day. We still are in contact to this day. He was just such a great mentor and such a cool guy.

There was only a couple of women on the team. It was 98% men. But he didn't treat me any differently. I'll never forget, this was so funny. I think there was 100 people on the team, sales team, and two women or whatever. And so most people would treat me differently, you know, just because I was a girl. But he didn't. And so one day I showed up to a meeting five minutes late. He locked me out of the meeting. So I had to sit outside that meeting for one hour, scared to death, knowing that when he came out, I was dead. And it was just such a powerful, he drew a line in the sand that day that don't disrespect my time. I won't disrespect yours. Never let this happen again. I've never been late for a meeting again since that happened. In my life, I'm always early. Early is late to meet, right? But it's because this man taught me that.

lesson. So there was a lot of great things happening back then, but of course, in any situation, you never know what can happen. I end up getting promoted and now I'm working for someone different and this person treated me awful. Always sending me inappropriate messages, always asking to meet with me alone, completely inappropriate. I was not confident. I didn't know how to handle it. I was really frustrated. It was awful because I loved my job at the time and I was killing it. Literally, I was the youngest brand manager at the Gallo Winery. Like, I was launching new brand. It was so exciting.

I loved what I was doing. But unfortunately, I found myself, and maybe this has happened to you, I loved what I was doing. I loved the job, but I found myself in a horrible situation. Horrible. And I was living with my boyfriend at the time, and I was always miserable, and he's like, what's wrong with you? And why does your boss act like this? It was just a mess.

So I end up making the decision to quit after journaling about this. And I couldn't take it anymore. I call the owner of the company and I said, I need to meet with you in private outside of work. We meet at a restaurant and he says, I know what this is about. You're suing me, aren't you? And I had zero plans of suing him. I had zero confidence. And I just said, no, I'm leaving.

I don't want to be marked as the girl that causes problems in companies. I'm leaving, but I want you to see my journal. I want you to see and understand what this man does and how horrible it is and get rid of him, not let him do this to another person. He said, you're not suing me. I said, no, I'm not. I said, I'm just leaving. And if anyone ever asked about my employment here, just share that, you know, the good things I did and don't talk about this stuff because I'm just, I'm mortified. I was so worried people would think it was my fault. So I leave. He never fires a guy. Well, I don't know. Hang on. He ends up firing a guy years later when the guy does it again, of course, right?

So that was kind of crazy. But I move on and I get into the radio business. And I started as an account executive and really fast, I moved up. And sales was just my thing. And suddenly the owner says to me, you know, wow, you're going places. You're our top rep. You know, we got to talk about some plans for you. And I went home. I was living with my boyfriend. And I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with another woman. Oh, pump the brakes. Heartbreak. I thought I was going to marry this guy. By the way, sidebar, so glad I didn't. So he cheated on me. I was devastated. We went to therapy, but I had to move out because I was not, I couldn't look at him in the eye. My family had moved away. You know, I'm just, I was living with a good friend. I was just miserable, unhappy, heartbroken.

And I wore it on my sleeve at work. And so my boss was like, listen, you can't walk around here frumpy and miserable. You got to turn back into the person I know, the champion I know. He said, you know what? I'm going to make you an offer. Why don't you jump on a plane with me? I'm not going to tell you where we're going, but I will tell you this. I'm going to make you my partner. And I'm going to make you a very wealthy girl. And I said, that means I get out of this town. I get out of Worcester, Massachusetts, and I don't have to see my ex-boyfriend again. Dang, ding, where do I sign? And so I jumped on a plane with him, sight unseen. He dropped me off in Saginaw, Michigan. We bought a $30 million operation. And he left me there and he left. And I ran that operation for a little over two and a half years. Our goal was to accelerate revenue as fast as we could and sell it as fast as we could. And we sold that property for $55 million. $25 million profit in under three years. It was crazy. We did such a great job. So, you know, again,

strategic buy on his part. That part was smart and he had the money to do it. I didn't. I ran it and created the revenue, but, you know, it still, it was a huge win and really put me on the map in the media business around being a revenue rock star. So then I moved from there and moved to Naples, Florida, and pitched myself for a job that didn't exist at a publicly traded company. I was awarded the position and got to work. And I'll tell you, over a 14-year period of time, you know, went from a VP of sales to a chief revenue officer, was named most influential women in radio, took our revenues from a hundred million a year annually to in excess of 200 million year annual billings in an industry in decline. Right. We were killing it. And then I got

fired. And so that was my real horrible moment, you know, that, gosh, that was worse than the boyfriend cheating on me. That was worse than the sexually harassed. When I was, was like 42 or 43, I don't remember, but when I got fired, that was one of the worst things that happened in my adult life. In the moment, you know, today I'm able to look back on it and see that things happen for a reason. And even though that was a really tough transition, it was a gift. I wasn't meant to be, you know, in that company any longer. playing small, trying to get them to like me. And even though I was completely overperforming, you know, that was just a, I was in the wrong room with the wrong people. So if you are in the wrong room with the wrong people, stand up and leave, find your people, find your room,

they are out there. For years, I had pitched myself for a board seat, constantly got the run around. And wouldn't you know, after I got fired, landed my first board seat. So in that moment, you don't know, because there's uncertainty, there's fear, there's this unknown. but that unknown could be the greatest gift that you could ever receive. And I know it's hard to understand at the time. I felt similar to this when the pandemic hit and my speaking business disappeared overnight, right? I didn't know the virtual thing would become a thing. I didn't know I'd be named top 50 keynote speaker 22 by real leaders. I didn't know any of those things were going to happen. I didn't know what doors would open. I just knew I felt scared, uncertain.

And the key I'm finding, gosh, it's so bizarre. I'm learning this at 47. The key I'm finding is that in those tough moments to focus on the opportunity on what could possibly lie ahead because what is possible is always changing. It's not stagnant. I wish I had done that back when I got fired. I wish I had done that right away when the pandemic hit. But I'm trying to train and teach myself to do it now when tough times come and they will start focusing on what is possible and what gift could be ahead and what you could have just been saved from, like that bad boyfriend I had that, thank goodness, I did not end up with, right? So, and yeah, I ran into him a couple of years ago and it all worked out well that I did not end up with him.

So you don't know that at the time, though, right? I'm sure you have these moments in your life that you look back and say, oh, yeah, thank goodness I didn't marry that person. Thank goodness, I didn't stay in that job. Thank goodness, you know, I was pushed out of that situation or treated poorly and that prompted me to leave. You know, there's villains out of that. there in your life that actually give you gifts. That lady gave me a gift. I didn't know it at that time. And it took me a while to grasp it. It took me a while to let go of the past. And it's so funny, I was reminded about all of this today, and this is about perspective. I got a phone call from one of my right hands back at that company that I worked up for 14 years. I had my right hand was a guy.

And I loved him. His name was Rafe, such a sweetheart. And we had so much fun working together. we were like, uh, frickin' frack. And I can delegate anything to him and trust him completely. He would just handle things so well. I had a right hand that was a girl. Her name was Carolyn, not Caroline. And she was amazing too. I just had some, I built such a solid great team there of people I trusted that ran at

a really high level, really smart overachievers that, oh, was so fun. And so he called me today out of the blue. I hadn't spoken to him since 2020, since the pandemic, right? which is terrible. And it turns out his father passed away. He got divorced. He got promoted at work. There's been so many challenges he's faced and so many opportunities, so many highs and lows,

highs and lows. Right. So it doesn't matter where you are or who you're working with or what part of the country you're in. You're going to have highs and lows. And speaking to him on the phone today reminded me about that business I used to be in and the people I used to work with and, you know, being at the top of my game and the top of that industry and the recognition and having that expertise, having done something for over 20

years, you're really good at it, right? You know who to call. You know what to do. And that does give you a sense of confidence versus where I am now as a rookie entrepreneur with only, you know, three or four years in there's more uncertainty. And it was just, it gave me such a shot of perspective. And he wanted to introduce me to somebody, a friend of his starting a business in Miami. And he told the woman, you know, I'm going to introduce you to Heather, but she's really running at a very high level, and you better be prepared if you're going to talk to her about business because she does not mince words. And, you know, he's talking about me the way he knows me as a chief revenue officer. And it's just so funny to me, you know, to remember what that felt like that level of

confidence when you've been doing something for a long time. Now, conversely, again, like I mentioned, I'm a two-time rookie author. I'm, you know, two-year-in podcast hosts. All these things now I just only have very little experience with, so I don't have that expertise or that confidence from being at the highest level in the game. I know I will get there one day. And I did it before, right?

I did it in corporate America. I can do it as an entrepreneur, but there's lots of messy steps and mistakes and not, you know, operating in the dark and just taking chances and going for it in order to figure out if it's right. And every time I try something new, I just put it out there to the universe. Gosh, I hope this works.

If it's if it's meant to be for me, right? Like if this is meant to be. If not, universe, God, show me the way. Close the doors that are not meant for me and open the ones that are. And looking at life and this journey as an adventure, not a chore, our perspective is our own. The choice is yours. I hope you choose wisely. So the next time that big nightmare hits, that big relationship blows up or you get fired or an industry collapses because of technology, know that that silver lining is ahead. You just have to start moving forward to find it. And that's what I'm reminding myself of this week. So keep your perspective available to you. Keep it a good perspective. Choose the adventure, not the chore. And please choose to share this episode. It would mean the world to me. And you'll get a chance to win.

Overcome Your Villains, my new book out now, and I'm going to autograph it for you and send it to you myself. So I will be running a contest. As I said, this week only anyone who shares the show on social media, make sure you tag me so that you can get included. And I will be pulling one winner this week. You're going to receive my new book autographed by yours, truly. And I appreciate your help. No one succeeds alone, people. And that includes me.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.