Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #204: OWN Your Power, With Heather!

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Not reacting, but staying calm   Taking back your power   Staying true to who you are  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Repost this episode & tag me to be gifted a copy of Overcome Your Villains audiobook FOR FREE Show Notes:  In every exchange in life YOU set the tone for how you will perform. You can’t allow others to control your emotions. NOW is the time to take back the power in your life! I always love when you guys write in and send me questions at heathermonahan.com, and this week I got some GREAT questions I’ll be answering in today’s episode! Being powerful doesn’t mean you can’t be likable, so don’t allow others to hold you back from being the most authentic version of yourself! Always remember, when you take the time to embrace your unique and special self, you will receive even more opportunities and respect. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, I received a lot of questions this week through DMs on LinkedIn, through DMs on Instagram, and to my website, heathermonahan.com.

if you haven't checked it out yet, at heathermonahan.com, there are a number of free resources. There's an e-book, a 30-day email accountability program where I email you daily. There is my confidence tips downloads. There's the Overcome Your Villains Workbook. There's a lot of great resources for you for free at Heathermonahan.com. Check it out. And you can always send me a note or a question there as well. Okay, so let's start with a couple of these questions that were said to me.

So I was talking out loud to myself and brainstorming this morning. One question came across my mind that I'm not sure how to solve. I have a habit of being a people pleaser and giving others the power of situations. I am currently trying to break that habit, but have created a reputation for allowing others to know they possess the power. How do I put down my foot and make known to those people that they will no longer have the power. Okay, so interesting question. You know, you can change the dynamics of power in a second whenever you choose to do it. I'm going to give you an example. The day that I got fired, that nasty woman called me over to her office in Naples. I drove three hours over there. I walk in. She's all smiles. She's standing, not sitting, which is a total power play, right? Our body length.

which is involved in regards to power, not just our words. And so, you know, you could tell she was elated, excited, she was on top of the world and holding all of her power. I was, I sat down and had no idea what was about to happen. Anyway, she says to me, you need to sign one of these memos. I don't have a need for a chief revenue officer anymore, so I don't have a need for you. And one memo said, Heather's been fired. And the other one was this beautiful letter, Heather's an amazing employee. And she's starting a new adventure and we're cheering her on blah, blah, blah. If I wanted the beautiful memo, I'd have to sign a really binding agreement, basically a gag clause, but I would get a big check.

If I didn't sign that nasty note that just said Heather's been fired was going to go out to the company. And I remember I had a moment, right? And in any instant, you can change the power. This is a great news. You don't need to train on this for seven years, right? You can flip the script in any moment. on who holds the power. And that's exactly what came into my mind when I looked at this woman on top of the world, you know, standing with a power stance, she had her arms out on her hips, smiling. I mean,

she was just elated. And as I looked at those memos and I looked back at her, I remember thinking, I'm going to take all the air out of this room right about now. And I kind of put a smile on my face, sat back, very confidently. I looked her in the eyes and said, I didn't write either one of these memos. I won't be signing either one of them. And if there's nothing else to say, I'm leaving. And I stood up in all of my power, and I was very calm, very poised. I'm so proud of me, by the way, because this was after 14 years of working there, right? And it's crazy that it happened.

But I'm so proud that I had all of that power. I sucked all of power out of that room. That woman's face went from elated and smiling to red. She looked so angry. She started shaking her arms dropped off of her hips. She lost her power. I pulled all the power out of that situation, and as I exited, the power came with me and literally left her. So I guess a couple of things.

Number one, being calm and thoughtful is the most powerful thing you can ever do. Reacting to what other people do allows them to control you. So never react. Always stay calm, be thoughtful. Even if you have to walk away from a situation for a moment or two or a day or two, you know, if you're really upset, then walk away. Give yourself that power. That's powerful.

Reacting to somebody else is allowing them to control you. That is not power, right? Being direct, being yourself, right? So when I go into difficult situations like this question is saying that she's allowed other people to have power over her, well, that's buck stops now, right? So number one, this is what I would do. I would write down my intention. I get really clear on I am owning the power in my life from now on.

You know, starting today, I own the power in every conversation. in every interaction, every situation, whatever it is that you want to own what your intention is, write it down. We're 90% more likely to remember or do something if we write it down. Make this a priority if you're serious about taking the power back in your life, right? So put it out to the universe, read it daily, write it down, leave yourself notes. I would put reminders in my phone, right, because you're breaking an old habit. Whatever, you just got to get up and do it. So you have to remind yourself, oh yeah, yeah, that's how I used to act. I don't act like that anymore. I own my power in every exchange and say it with frequency to yourself. Say it seven times a day. Leave it as a

reminder in your phone every day. So at noon, you get a pop up on your phone. It says, I own the power in every exchange in my life. And as you keep seeing this messaging, it's going to remind you, oh yeah, I am powerful. And maybe those are some of the affirmations you use. I am powerful. I am talented. I am enough. I am strong. Right. It doesn't have to be this, this or that. And maybe for a period in your life, you decided that if you did show up as powerful, people wouldn't like you. Well, being powerful doesn't mean you can't be likable, right? I'm incredibly powerful. And I think I'm also very relatable and likable, at least for the people that like me, right? The others can just keep it moving. I'm not your people. See you later. So then that's fine too, right? So Vanilla is boring.

We want to be our unique special selves and we're going to attract those right people towards us. Now, we will come across difficult people like I did with that woman who fired me. Well, she thought she fired me. I actually fired my number one villain that day. Flip the script. Right? So you're going to come across difficult people like that. And you can be intentional.

You can remain calm. And you can show up as your most powerful self. Had I started yelling at that lady losing my cool, getting angry, bawling, crying in that meeting, she would have owned the power, right? And that's why I'm so proud of myself. I don't do everything perfectly, but, you know, we were at go time in that meeting. And I took that deep breath and I thought, I'm going to speak my truth and I'm going to do it in a very calm, very powerful fashion. And that's my last moment there.

That needs to be a freaking movie, by the way, because it's, I wish you guys could see it that's playing in my memory and it's just so freaking cool. I wish we had had a mini camera taping that whole thing. It was just amazing. Okay, so some of the ways that I also own my power is I go in with the intention, as we talked about. So you need to do the work, write the intention down, have it pop up as a reminder everywhere, write it on the bottom of your shoes, I am powerful, right? Like, own this. Make it your mantra.

Make it your commitment to yourself. This is who you are now. It changed now. Everything changed now. You are no longer people pleaser. You're no longer controlled by other people. That's yesterday. Here's today.

I am powerful. Okay, so that's number one. Number two, when I go into difficult situations, I wear my power colors. I want to feel my best. That's important to me. So I'm going to invest in myself. I'm going to get my hair and makeup done if I have some big, difficult meeting, right? If I'm scared about my TEDx talk, which I was, I had my hair and makeup done.

I wore my powerful blue. Blue and red are really power colors for me. You need to wear what your power color is. You're sending a message out to the universe to the world and to this evil person or whatever person. I am powerful. I am here in all of my abundance power. energy and I am bringing the heat. You want to play it out in your mind ahead of time, right? This stuff is work. You got to put the work in. You want to visualize you owning your power. You staying cool.

You not reacting. You owning your words and your truth, right? So put the work in, see yourself doing it the day ahead of time, the night before the morning of. Then I hit up my playlist. I have this playlist that I only use when I'm going to go do really big things. It primes my mind to know, Heather, you're about to go do something exceptional. Let's go. Gidey up, brain. We're going and we're going bigger, right? So find that playlist for you. Start teeing it up right when you're about to, you know, pump yourself up. I always have lavender with me. It helps me stay calm and centered when I need to. When a villain could be attacking, I want to get really calm, really centered, remind myself of how powerful I am. I always think of three other times in my life that I've stepped into

uncertainty, scary situations with jerks or people trying to control me and how I flip the script on them, how I sucked all the power right out of the room like I did that day that woman thought she fired me. So remind yourself with those three instances. Speak it into existence. Write it down. Repeat it. Leave yourself reminders. You know, invest in yourself. Show up at your most powerful version based upon how you look and how you feel on the inside. For me, you know, working out is really important. So if I have something big, I want to be in my best physical shape as I can because it reminds me how strong I am and what I'm capable of. If I go crush a spin class, I'm walking out on top of the world. And I'm saying, no one is controlling this girl, right? I will be in control of myself. And I think

about how I'm leading. Who am I impacting in a positive way by showing up as this powerful person? your family, the people coming after you, people you mentor, right? So not only are you doing it for you, and it's the right thing for you to do for your life, but you're also inspiring and leading others, right? Like make it bigger than just you. Remind yourself of the other times you face adversity, you came out on top and recognize this time's going to be no different. Yes, yesterday was a day where you allowed people to control you. Today is a new day. Giddy up. Okay, so thank you for that question. Next one. I wanted to introduce myself. I'm not going to going to say this person's name. Discovered you through the Gary V. Show. Oh, yay. Thanks, Gary for having

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slash confidence free. Okay, but may I ask, and this may be answered in your books, but I just started reading them, how do you get around negative self-talk? I have a villain. I have an entire wall of them, so I'm actively seeking other employment. However, I see all these people celebrating new positions, new companies on LinkedIn and whatnot. And hey, good for them. But I can't help but say, when is it going to be my turn? How did you handle that? I don't have the ability to walk away from my villains right now as I am the sole earner to support my family.

I get it. Okay. Do you have any advice, even if it's just read my book? Oh, that's so sweet. Okay. So here's the thing. Let's start with negative self-talk, right? When we're running a tape in our head, right, which everybody does.

Some tapes are bad, some are good, some are indifferent. But there's always some tape in your mind running. And again, like that other question that we just answered, you know, maybe that worked yesterday, negative self-talk in your life. But today is a new day. We're changing that, right? So today is the day that we're going to say we no longer run negative self-talk. We run positive self-talk. I want to be my biggest champion. And I am, P.S. I'm my biggest champion, my biggest cheerleader. Here's why. Every day I'm going to go out into the world and be doing. big things and going for more and pushing myself, some days, my team of advocates aren't going to be around or they're going to be busy or someone's got something else going on and I'm going to be

left there by myself and I'm going to have to say, oh gosh, the people that cheer me aren't around, I guess I should go home? No, I want to say my number one supporters here. She's always going to be here. It's me. Right. And that's such an exciting realization to know you can be your number one cheerleader. You can be your biggest advocate, and you should be. Here's why. We're always teaching people how to treat us, right? And we are our number one hype girl, hype guy, however you want to say it, people would be like, wow, that person really knows. Like, she's got some magic inside of her.

She's really valuable. Wow, she's really impressive. Conversely, if you're kind of walking around like, oh, gosh, I don't think I can make it happen. Things don't work out for me. You're telling people, you're not that good. you're not powerful, you're not special, right? So you're teaching people how to show up for you. You're teaching them not to. So think about it that way. Your negative self-talk, how you're talking to yourself in your mind, how you're showing up is teaching everybody else how to see you. So put on those

rose-colored glasses and start finding the things that you do love about yourself. I remember during the pandemic, I was washing my hands incessantly, as I'm sure most of us were. I was not in a great mental space. You know, my business basically disappeared overnight. The speaking business completely stopped for a while. And it was a scary time, right? And so when I would wash my hands, I would own my affirmations. I am powerful. I am enough. I am confident. I am finding solutions. I am creative. Right. And I would get so excited to do it. So start a discipline and a practice for yourself to start owning those positive affirmations, owning the words that you want to use when you talk to yourself and when you're talking about yourself. Then I'm going to challenge you to pick up your child or a little kid or someone that you

care about that you're helping and talk to that person in your mind. How would you speak to them? So here's an example. If my son was running negative self-talk, I would sit with him and say, I want to talk to you about something. I want to talk to you about how special you are. I want you to know that that smile is magic. And when you smile, you light up a room and you bring so much joy to people. And I love you so much. You are so. so loved. You are so special and I'm so lucky to be your mom. You know, your personality is incredible and you bring so much joy to so many people. I never want you to forget that. You're unique, you're special and you are loved. Right. So write that down and now start saying that to you.

Right. So when you go through these moments where it's hard to be your best type person, it's hard to speak nicely to yourself. Envision that you're speaking to your child. Envision that you're speaking to someone you love and have that conversation with them. read that tape back to you. Right. So if you're not at that place yet where you feel great about yourself, pretend that you're coaching someone that you love along because you are someone that you love. You need to be someone that you love, right? You should love yourself more than anything. Oh my gosh. And when you start showing up like that and getting excited for it, that's when the magic starts happening. Right. So that's one way. Another thing that I did,

I went to a hypnotist when I really was struggling with how I was speaking to myself. and beating myself up, right? And I remember I had a therapist who says to me, how's that working out for you? And I'm like, what do you mean? She said, you beat yourself up all the time. How's that working out? I'm like, well, obviously not that good because I'm here in therapy. Hello? Right. Like, are you kidding? Mike drop moment. So remember that. If what you've been doing hasn't been working, we need to try a different strategy. Right? We've got to test and try different things. So for me, I rewrote the script. I envisioned speaking to my son, but I was really speaking to myself. And I leveraged that. that tactic for a while until it became natural to speak to myself kindly and supported and to say, I am enough and I do love myself and I am proud of me. I can't help but smile when I say that because I get so excited for me and I want that for you too. So put the work in, leave yourself the reminders, you know, start speaking to yourself just like someone you love

so, so much so that eventually you do love yourself that much, right? And that's exciting. And see, realize you are leading, right? You're leading your family and the people you mentor in life and the people that look up to you. And think about, you know, how can we be the best leaders, the best versions of ourselves today? Investing in ourselves is important, right? And saying, are you taking time for yourself to do the things that you love? What would make you feel proud of yourself?

Write those things down. Make those things a priority, right? And get specific with these goals and with the conversation you're going to have with yourself. So anyhow, when I struggled with my self-talk, I went to a hypnotist, literally within, I think it was two appointments, massive shift inside. I understand that's not for everybody. That's cool. It works for me. Right. I believe in trying different things to find what does work for you. The other thing is tapping. And I actually had a guest on, I think it was last

month, who was a specialist in tapping. If you haven't heard that, go back and listen to that episode. It's so good. But tapping helps you to release negative emotion and negative words from your life and frees you from it. Right. So it's a really powerful exercise. It helped me a lot. I definitely loved it. And then think about the things you're surrounding yourself with, right? Listening to this podcast, right? What books are you reading or listening to on Audible? You know, what TED Talks are you watching? What conversations are you engaging in during the day? We are constantly either supporting ourselves or chipping away at our confidence, right? Like, with every decision we make, if you decide to go to the gym right now and work towards a goal, you're creating more confidence within yourself. You're creating a more positive. belief system. If you decide to come off the rails and eat all your kids french fries and then feel sick after, you're chipping away your confidence. You're not feeling as good, right? It's like these very simple, every act we take or don't take is either building us up or chipping away at who we want

to become. Start looking at things through that simple lens, right? It's not that hard. It's much more simplistic than we make it. Doesn't mean it's easy. Still a lot of work making good choices. I'm not saying It's easy. And yes, I do eat all of my kids' french fries from time to time. However, nobody's perfect, right? Let's take the veil off perfectionism. It's just beer. And I would just say that, you know, be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack. We all deserve it. We've all lived through a global pandemic and now there's war. I mean, everyone's living through really challenging times. Go easy on yourself. You know, remind yourself that we've made it this far. That's reason to celebrate. We're alive today. This is reason to celebrate. I'm so.

so grateful to be here and to do that. And practice gratitude, right? Always practice gratitude in your life. Every day, I think to myself what I'm grateful for, what I'm thankful for. And the more we focus on those things, the more positive things start popping up in our life. Now, for me, negative self-talk, I definitely beat myself up more when I worked side by side with a lady who hated me. I'm just going to tell you the truth. And it goes back to my book, Overcome Your Villains. Until I overcame the villains outside of me, she thought she fired me, I actually had fired my number one villain from my life, then I was able to really address the villain living within my own two years, right? Because when we're surrounded by negative people that mean us harm, that don't want us to do well, that aren't

supporting us, even if they're in your circle, doesn't mean they're in your corner necessarily, the minute you fire those villains, you stop all of your energy going to defend yourself, protect yourself and get ready for what next attack is coming. That's what I found for me. When I worked side by side with a woman that hated me, all of my energy, all of my thoughts were always when I'd come out of a meeting oh gosh, is she going to be at that next meeting with me? Okay, what will I say? Is she going to ask me what size my pants are? Literally, this woman would ask me crazy things like that. She was just such a nasty person. And anyhow, so the more you're around negative people that don't want you to do well, the more your energy and your thoughts are going to go towards protecting yourself from that person

versus when I fired my villain, suddenly I had all this free time to start thinking on my own about where do I want to go? What do I want to do? How can I better myself? And that's when I started realizing, wait a minute, I've been holding myself back. Wait a minute, the real villain is the one within me. But I couldn't get to that point until I cleaned out the villains around me. So I know for that question that came in, she said that she can't quit her job right now, but I'm going to challenge you to say this, maybe you feel like you can't quit your job right now, but maybe if you did, everything would change. Maybe that amazing opportunity would show up for you that's going to provide you a lot more money than you're currently making. Start thinking about the possibility.

Start putting out there what you want to have happen. You're surrounded by love. You're surrounded by people who are encouraging you, who are cheering you on, who are so excited for you. Start putting that vibe out there. Start spending time whenever you can with people who are your cheerlears. Start becoming your biggest cheerleader and watch how everything changes. Overcome the villains around you so you can tackle the one within. And yes, that is my book, Overcome Your Villains. That's what it's all about. The reviews have been unbelievable, by the way. So I just want to say thank you. If you've had the time to read the book, listen to it on Audible and leave a review, it means the world to me. I'm so grateful for you. It's the three-step process to overcome any adversity in business or life.

And I'm grateful to say it's changing lives. I've gotten so many messages and I've read all the reviews and I'm so grateful. So if you haven't read Overcome Your Villains yet, definitely get it today and definitely get the audible because I copied David Goggins idea from his book, You Can't Hurt Me. At the end of every chapter, he just kind of riffs. And so it's cool because I actually actually. actually was listening to my own audible book the other day because I wanted to hear what I was

riffing about. I couldn't remember. And it's so funny, you know, as you know, I'm big into spending time with people who are my champions. So when I recorded my audible book, I recorded it with the same producer that recorded Confidence Creator with me, which is a good friend of mine from the radio industry that I've known for decades who I trust and who supports me. He's such a champion in mine. And when I recorded Overcom Your Villains Audible with him, I told him my idea. I'm like, I just want a riff. And he's like, well, what does that even look like? What does that mean? Because we didn't do that with Confidence Creator. I hadn't had that idea. I hadn't heard the David Goggins version yet. And so he's like, what does that even mean? I'm like, just after I'm done with a chapter, give me a moment to take a drink or water, take a breath, and then just hit record again. And he's like, well, what are you going to say? I said, I don't know. I'm just going to do it. And listen, if it comes out bad, we delete it, right? Like, who cares? But let's try it. Let's see if we spark some magic. up in here. And I trusted myself and I just riff. And it's so cool because what's weird is when you write a book with a traditional publisher, I wrote Overcomer Villains back in 2019, 2020. Yeah.

But this is now two years ago, right? So when I was recording the Audible, it was a year and a half later. So much had happened. So you get that kind of, I give you that insight of what's happened since I wrote the book, what's changed, what's different, what's better, what's worse, whatever, and kind of giving you you whatever last-minute tips and tricks I learned from the whole journey. So it's super cool. I'm so proud of it. I definitely think the Audible is the best version. And you just get more insights in that version of the book than you do in the Kindle, paperback, or hardcover. Okay. And to that end, by the way, because I'm so excited, this is another crazy thing. Things don't always go the way you expect, right? I just assumed when I partnered with HarperCollins leadership that for sure they would

have so many more tools and tactics and tricks and ways to support me. But the other day I realized, you know, they hadn't even given me codes to give away versions of my book. When I self-published, I found a way to get codes, right? So I'm thinking, why don't they give me any codes? Don't they want me promoting my book online or on my podcast or anything? That's weird. So I sent an email to the head of the audio division of HarperCollins leadership, who's a great guy. And I sent him a note. And I said, hey, can't you help me to promote this? Can you get me some code so I could do a giveaway? And he said, Heather, I don't even know if that's a thing. I've never heard of it. But I copied someone on my team that might know. I think it's a great question.

Let's see if it's possible. And here I am like scratching my head. These are pros, right? These guys are, they've been in publishing as long as I was in the media business. Decades of experience and expertise. But so often we put people on a pedestal and just assume they have all the answers or they have better answers than us. And that isn't always the case. Here I am this rookie self-published author, and I knew there was a way to get co-s because I found a scrappy way to figure it out with Confidence Creator. And so now I was teaching him something. And it was cool. So anyways, he connected me with a woman and she said, yes, Heather, we do have a way to get you some codes for the audio version of your book. Happy to get them for you. So now I'm handing them to you.

Here's what you need to do. Take a screenshot of this podcast, post it on social media wherever you want, Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, Insta story, whatever, wherever you want to put it. Tag me in it to help promote the podcast, which I appreciate so much, by the way, because the only way anyone ever breaks through all the noise out there is because of you, because of each one of you showing up and encouraging people to listen, to share the show. That's how we grow. So when you post about this podcast, when you tag me, not only will I repost it, of course I will to support you, but I will give you a code, care of HarperCollins' leadership, for Overcome Your Villains Audio Version. And you can hear firsthand for free what I'm talking about when I say I riff at the end of every chapter. I give you unbelievable insights behind the scenes in addition to what people get from Overcome Your Villains. You get the book, but you also get the behind the scenes, which is so cool. And I literally have 50 codes. So don't worry, you will get one. And thank you, Harper Collins, for giving me that many. So all you need to do, post about this episode, tag me in it.

So I make sure that I see it, right? Make sure to tag me. And I'll repost what you posted, as well as you will get a free code for a free audio book of Overcome Your Villains. and I'm so excited to give it to you. I can't wait to hear what you think. Don't forget you need to post about this episode today. Tag me in it and you're going to get your free audio version of the book. And you could also say, Heather, I already have the audio version of your book. Well, I'll gift you this code. You can gift it to anyone you want. Right. You can gift it to a friend. You can gift it to a coworker, you know, that's struggling or someone who's dealing with a challenge currently that you want to support.

You know, anytime we can show up and cheer someone on and support somebody, else, we're making this world a better place. And that is what we've been put here to do, to shine our lights, to turn up our lights, to be that most magical version of ourselves, to step into our own magic with positive self-talk, with encouragement and love for ourselves, and to do that next right thing. So thank you for being here with me today. As always, I appreciate you immensely. No one succeeds alone. And that definitely includes me. When you post about the show today, when you tag me, you are getting your free code to overcome your villains' audiobook. And I can't wait to hear what you think.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence.