Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #206: Start Thinking BIGGER With Heather!

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Setting big goals   Letting your fears encourage you  Leaving doubt behind Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Sign up for the FREE Power Of Positive Summit   You can always write me your questions at heathermonahan.com and I’ll answer them on the show!  Show Notes:  Things can change in an INSTANT, and you never know what life may bring your way! When you can dream big, your accomplishments can become even BIGGER too. Now is the time to step into your fears! Ultimately fear is a choice, and I want you to see fear as a green light that means GO, and go faster. With everything in the news this week I wanted to read you a chapter from my book, Confidence Creator, to inspire you to not let ANYONE bring you down. Don’t worry about others' negativity, because in the end, we all view the world differently based on our own experiences! 

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me today. Okay, so let's get into it. First of all, I want to tell you, I'm super excited that I am speaking at the virtual event for

John Gordon and the Positive University Positive Summit. So check out Power ofpositive Summit.com. I will link in the show notes as well. And get ready, April 6 through the 10th, which is this week, if you're hearing it when the show just dropped. You're going to hear 30 leading experts sharing strategies on how to stay positive, overcome challenges, and make a greater difference. Okay, listen to who's speaking with me. John Gordon, Sean McVeigh, the head coach of the Super Bowl champion L.A. Rams. Ed Milet.

Jamie Kern Lima, Jay Glazer, Valerie Burton, Inkey Johnson, Damian Lillard, Steve Weatherford, Stephen Covey, Ben Newman, Damon West, I mean, it's great. This lineup is insane. Oh, and Heather Monaghan. Now, again, check it out. It's free powerofpositivesummit.com. Register now, and you get four days of incredible speakers filling you up with positive tips, tricks, and strategies. Okay. So what's cool here, well, I want to share it with you because if you're interested, I want you to get access. But I also want to share it from the standpoint of, you know, two years ago I didn't know John Gordon. You've heard him. He was on the show. If you haven't heard that episode, go back and listen. He's incredible. He's light years ahead of me, right? He's been in the

speaking game, an author game for a lot longer than I have. And he's killing it. He's in New York Times bestselling author. He's always top five keynote speakers. in the world, right? I'm a little bit further back. I think I was 24. Hello. Coming for you, John Gordon. But anyhow, so he's where I want to be, right? But two years ago, I didn't even know him. I was introduced to him through David Nurse. David Nurse had been a guest on my show. We hit it off, exchanged cell phone numbers, would text and help each other. We were both launching a book around the same time. And one day, he said, you need to talk to my friend John. And he connect me to John. John introduced me to his wife. I helped his wife get a little bit of confidence

to launch her podcast, which is amazing. She's an amazing lineup of guests. She actually had me on. But anyways, I'm sharing the story with you to let you know. Things can change in an instant, right? Two years ago, I didn't know any of these people. Now, because John and I have become friends, I'm literally speaking with 30 of the most prestigious speakers in the country at his event. and two years ago, I didn't know him. Right? So start showing up, start thinking bigger, start stepping into fear. P.S., at the beginning of the pandemic, I didn't even know what virtual speaking was, or if I would be good at it, or would I ever get paid to speak virtually?

Now, just a couple of years later, everything is completely different. I still am booked constantly for virtual speaking events. The pay might not be as good as in person, but it's still really good, and I don't have to leave the house, so I'm here with my son instead of on a lot of a flight. So there's pros and cons to all of it. The point is, things are always changing. The people that you meet, the opportunities that are ahead of you, step into the fear. Fear is a choice, right? I choose to see fear as a green light that means go and go faster, and I hope you're coming with me. You never know who you're going to meet today or tomorrow

that's completely going to change the trajectory of your life. And someone like John Gordon is one of those people. I feel really proud when I'm looking at this website, Power of Positive Summit.com, and I'm going through the 20-22 speaker lineup, and I see my mug up there with the head coach of the Super Bowl champion Rams and Jamie Kernlema and John and Ed. It's just, it's so crazy. Things can change really fast. So often we're saying to ourselves, oh, you know, it's going to take time. And I'm here to tell you, yeah, sometimes it will take time, but not always. So move fast, break things, walk up to people you don't know, ask for things when you're not sure if you're going to get a yes or a no, because a closed mouth never

gets fed. Okay, so that was my exciting moment that I wanted to share with you about this event. Super excited. Again, I'll put the link in the show notes. It's April 6 through the 10th. It's online. It's going to be incredible. I'll be watching it for sure. And I'm super proud to be a part of it. And I can't believe two years ago, I never would have fathomed. I'd have this opportunity. Life moves fast. Okay. So, a lot going on this week. And something, I'm sure everybody saw the Will Smith Oscars thing, right? And so not to beat a dead horse because it's all anyone's been talking about recently. But I did want to share, I have a different perspective than most people on it. I have a different

perspective than my son, that's for sure. And here's why everybody sees situations and experiences through the lens of their life, right? Through the lens of what's happened in their life and how they feel about circumstances because of the good or the bad or the challenges that they faced. Make sense, right? So someone who is, you know, has had a wonderful life their whole life and, you know, a lot of encouragement, positivity, see something like that. They're probably thinking, this person's crazy, conversely. If somebody's been in situations where they face tons of adversity, you know, fighting, backlash, challenges, they're probably thinking, okay, I kind of get it, right? You feel differently based upon the lens you see things through. So to give a little context, if you've read my

book's Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains, you already know, I've faced tremendous amount of adversity, sexual harassment, being roasted at work. I mean, awful things, abuse, bad, bad things, right? So again, that shapes a person. I'm different because of it. I think in many ways I'm incredibly stronger than most people, because of it. of the challenges I faced along the way. So in a lot of ways, it's worked out almost advantageous to me because there's nothing that's going to keep me down. Right. So the next time you're facing adversity, choose to see it as this is my strength training moment that's going to help springboard me to that next level. That's how I choose to see it for sure. However, when a situation like the Will Smith,

Chris Rock, situation goes down. I sit back, you know, and this is going to be different than you. Please don't judge me for it. And I'll explain why I see it differently. When I saw it, I almost started crying. I was almost crying because I felt for Jada Pinkett Smith so happy for her that someone was defending her so fearlessly and aggressively because in my life, again, it relates back to the person, I really haven't felt that way, right? I haven't felt like people were, you know, fighting to protect me and stick up for me and have my back. In fact, so many times it was the opposite. People would say quietly to me, I'm your champion. I'm with you. I'm so behind you. But in the moments when the spotlight was on and everybody was watching and something really

crappy happened to me, they'd shrink back into a corner in the darkness. And so when I saw him just leap up and defend her, I thought, oh my gosh, I wish I had had people. I'm not for hitting, by the way. I'm not anti-violence for sure. And I don't agree with how it was all handled, but it was just the idea that he had her back. Right. And I want you to be with people who have your back. I want to be with people who have my back. And it's funny for a long time in my life,

whether it was personal relationships or at work, I was allowing myself to be with people who truly didn't have my back. They were in my circle. They would say the right things, but they weren't really ride or die in my corner. Right? And I grew accustomed to that being normal.

I saw it as normal like it was okay. So when I have these moments of clarity, like when I watch the Oscars replay, I want to be with people who don't hit people, but who jump up to defend me immediately, who don't shrink back into the darkness and just want to disappear because they know there could be backlash if you stand up for someone else. I want to be with someone who really has my back. I want to be around people who really have my back. And I want that for you. Okay. So when I saw the whole thing, I told my son, I said, you know what, I know it was awful that he hit Chris Rock. that's, you know, terrible and crazy. However, I really love that he took up for his wife,

that he defended her publicly knowing there would be backlash, but not caring, saying, you're my person, I am with you, and I will not let people disrespect you. I love that. And that's for a specific reason in my life, a situation that occurred many years ago, this is what came to my mind was when I was roasted back in corporate America. It's actually a chapter in my book, Confidence Creator, which was my first book, It's chapter 16. I'm going to read it to you right now. It's really short, but you might understand why I felt the way that I did when you hear this. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts.

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Head to tachiatry.com slash confidence and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched to in minutes. Chapter 16, karma. In the end, I believe that people get what they deserve. It may not seem like it sometimes, and you don't want to sit around and wait for others to fight your battles for you, but sometimes the universe has a weird way of working itself out. I had just been named the VP of Sales at a radio company, so I was riding high and feeling

proud about my recent accomplishments going into the company's annual awards night. part of the event was a roast. That was my first year at the company awards night, so I had no idea what I was in for, but I was warned about an employee named Tommy who would roast other employees. By the way, I changed his name. I didn't know Tommy,

and I couldn't imagine why he would attack me, so I didn't think much of it. Being the youngest member of the leadership team, I was both excited and a little nervous about the event, but I showed up smiling. Then, Tommy took aim at me. During his routine, he called me the new VP of cleavage. I thought the comment was beyond inappropriate.

I was crushed and mortified. People were laughing, and I did my best to muster a laugh because I thought that was the best way to handle the situation. Boy, was I wrong. I was not throwing a bucket of water on my villain. I let the water get thrown on. me. My confidence hit rock bottom. I struggled not to cry, and I had to excuse myself from the table. I went to the ladies' room where I broke down. Afterward, I called my old boss, who was one of my

biggest supporters. I told him what had happened. He encouraged me. He went so far as to say I should sue Tommy. He told me to quit and that we'd figure something else out. More importantly, he had my back. The following week, I let my then boss know that I had a problem with what happened, and I didn't want to be involved in a roast like that again. It wasn't supportive. It was hurtful, and I deserved better. That was something I needed to do. Speaking our truth and standing up for ourselves allows that confidence muscle to grow again. My boss listened to me, and Tommy never took aim at me again. What goes around comes around. A few years later, I found myself sitting through another awards meeting, complete with another roast. Tommy got up and did his thing, but he made sure to

avoid saying anything about me because he had been told I was off limits. Tommy never considered that at one point someone might roast him. That night, we'd invited a guest performer looking to break into radio to serve as our entertainment. That performer turned out to be a young Taylor Swift. She was sitting at my table with her mother. A couple of minutes into the rose, she leaned over to me and said, Are you kidding me? This guy gets away with trashing everyone else? She was horrified. Before I could respond, she jumped up and ran out the door. I thought she left because she didn't want to listen anymore. But she returned 10 minutes later after speaking with a few other employees and getting dirt on Tommy. She used that as ammo to roast him through a song she performed live on stage.

Taylor Swift won my heart that day, and she definitely threw that bucket of water on Tommy that I never did. We are all in control of our own destiny and responsible for our own success. But if we stay the course and do the right thing, every once in a while, karma. we'll have our back. So here's the thing. I wished in that moment when he was roasting me that I had raised my hand and said, this isn't appropriate. I'd really like you to stop. Right. I wish that just because nobody else was standing up for me, I wished I had stood up for myself. That's number one. I didn't. I smiled and tried to pretend it was funny, even though it was so painful for me to sit there. And then when I removed it.

I moved myself from a situation, I thought there were all these people that are supposedly my champions in there. Not one of them stood up for me. Not one of them said, all right, enough. She's new. Don't get into how she looks. Like, that's crazy. Not one. People will reveal themselves to you. Red flags are not red flags. Those are deal breakers. And when I look back at that situation and look back at those people that all faded into the dark that night that weren't my champions, I saw a lot. I saw the red flags, but I looked beyond it. I should have seen. It was a deal breaker. So if you're around people who are showing you, that's kind of a red flag that no one spoke up or really didn't have my back or allows toxic situations to go on, I'm here to tell you, listen to yourself.

You are right and find yourself a different and a better situation because there are places out there that you will find champions, that people will have your back. And while you might not see the Will Smith situation similar to the way that I see it, I hope that you can open your mind to that idea that we all see things through our own past experiences, and that really shapes the way how we feel and view current situations. I'm trying to keep my mind open, too, and that there was a lot that was so wrong with that, and I do get the other perspective and the other side on it, but I can't deny that because of my past experiences, I also saw it in a nice way to see somebody supported publicly.

Okay, so hopefully you have overcome your villains, leveraging my three-step process to overcome your villains in the book, back, beliefs, action, and knowledge, right? Overcome those villains and get yourself surrounded by people who aren't just in your circle, but are definitely in your corner too. Okay, so if you heard last week's episode, it was with Chris Harder, it was so good, please sign up for his text program. Guys, it's free.

I signed up for it, and we explain how you can sign up for it in the episode. It's really just a daily positive message from him all around abundance and choosing to see money and wealth differently. I never thought I had an issue with how I saw money because I love money. I love spending money. I love making money. But I had to open my eyes to, I had this preconceived notion, and I learned this from Chris, that it took X amount of years to, you know, slowly increase wealth and that you only get money, certain ways. And the more I've embraced that money can come to me easily, frequently, and from so many different places, past relationships, work that I did, or investments that I made years ago, people that I had met that I had forgotten about, opportunities that I had worked on that I had

walked away from. And that in any moment, that money can show up for you. As I begun to think differently about money, I promise you money's showing up differently for me. Swear. Fact, total fact and it shakes me to the core when it happens. It's so unexpected and I'm so trying to embrace it more and more and see this as normal. Right in the past, I thought that was crazy. But as I see it happen time and time again now, I'm really challenging myself to see that situation differently and to see my relationship with money differently and to see that I can be abundant and it doesn't have to be so hard. Right. Just because it was hard for a really long time doesn't mean that it needs to be anymore. So I'm choosing to shift my perspective around money. I'm choosing to shift my

perspective around things being really hard and choosing to embrace this idea that I can be in the flow of life. I'm doing great work. I'm helping other people. I'm showing up as that best real flawed version of me day in and day out. And because of that, I'm proud of who I am and opportunities. I'm creating value. So opportunities should be showing up for me too. It shouldn't be as hard as it used to be. And I want that for you. I so want things to be easier for you. I want you to be in the flow. And I want you to see that doors of abundance will always open when you are doing good and showing up as that real true version of you. You know, life is about finding joy and finding passion and purpose and excitement in every day and things to be grateful for. That's what I'm focusing on. That's what I hope you are focusing on and working on too.

Okay, so there were two questions that came in. I want to answer them right quick. Let's see what the first one was. Always, guys, if you have a question, go to Heather Monaghan.com. You can leave the question there for me, or you can go on any of my social media channels. I'm at Heather Monaghan and send me a message and I will answer them here. Hey, Heather, hope all as well. I'm thrilled to share with you that I finally accepted a role as a mini CEO with a company in Morocco. I'm starting in May. As a very successful person, such as yourself, what advice would you give? someone like me. Okay. So anytime you start a new role, it's so cool. It's kind of like being a new kid at a high school, right? You can show up as any version of yourself as you want. So be intentional about that, right? You want to show up as the most powerful, true version of you. If you were wearing a proverbial mask in your past, you don't need to bring that along. Think to yourself, who am I really? You know, own your positive pieces of you and the flawed pieces and go in there with an open mind. You know, one of the things I've learned from leadership and leading teams is you want to listen a lot more than dictate when you first arrive at a new company, right? Because

you have to understand what does success look like to the people that are there? What is the process? Who are the people? What are the drivers? How do they evaluate success? You know, what are the key performance indicators? What are the challenges? Where are the breakdowns? Where are the opportunities? What are the products? There's so much you need to understand. that it isn't your job to come in and start dictating how people should be doing things. It is your job to go in and learn how things are being done. So you can start connecting those dots from your unique perspective and seeing where things can improve and how holes can be filled

and how, you know, if people need to be elevated or trained on the team or even replace, you know, understand as much as possible first. Don't come in trying to make changes. Come in trying to understand. Be who you really are. Own your voice. Own your mistakes. Sarah Blakely had her every Friday meeting.

It was her oops meeting at Spanx. Multi-billion dollar companies. She killed it. And in that meeting each Friday, she would celebrate the mistakes people on the team made and the mistakes she made each week because she wanted her team innovating. So don't be the leader that shows up saying,

yeah, I want you to innovate, but no surprises. And don't let me down and don't miss this. is that I've worked for someone like that. That doesn't exist, right? If you want to innovate, you've got to celebrate the challenges, celebrate the flaws, celebrate the fails, and make it fun so you create a culture around you that's celebrating it to. Lead by example. Okay, then I got another note asking me about writing a book and what advice do I have about writing a book. Here's the thing. Just start. Don't overthink it. You don't need to be anointed an author. I'm anointing you right now. You've been.

an anointed, start writing, right? That's the biggest roadblock for people is I've got to get the right strategy and it's got to be perfect. That's fear. Fear is a choice. I choose to see fear as a green light that means go and go faster. Start writing. I just started writing having no idea what I would write about on my first book and about two weeks in. I started understanding what I was writing about. I was writing a confidence roadmap for somebody who didn't have confidence like I hadn't earlier in my life. So just sit down and start writing, and pretty soon you'll get clear on what it is that you're writing about.

The most important action step you can take is to take action now. Don't wait until tomorrow. You're going to say, I should have started this five years ago. Well, that might have been the best time, the right time is today. Don't wait any longer. Start writing. That's the most important thing. And once you've got a ton of content down, find a great editor.

Those are the two most important steps that you need to take when you start. self-publish and write your first book. Start writing now. Get a bunch written down. Get a great editor. And then you're need to get a partner. I use scribe media to help me self-publish. And then you're done. It took me five months. It doesn't need to be a long artist process. You just need to begin. Like anything, done will always be better than perfect. Ready will always be a lie. And successful people trust themselves to figure it out along the way when they don't know how to do it. This is your message to get going now, take action today, make it messy, make it good. Until next week, I can't wait to see you back here again.

And for anyone that shares this show, tag me on social media, and you can win either the audible version of Confidence Creator or the Google Play version of Overcome Your Villains that I narrated both of them. And this is my contest for you. the first 20 people that share on social media and tag me. I will send you a DM with a link to get your free version of either confidence creator or overcome your villains. Yes, I narrate it, and I can't wait to hear what you think. Thank you for being here. Grateful for you. Check out John Gordon's Positive Summit. Link will be in the show notes below. If you didn't hear Chris Harder's

episode from a week ago, go back and check it out. It's so worth getting into his texting program. I'm grateful for you. Repost this episode. Tag me and you're getting my audiobook. Until next week, keep creating your confidence.