Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #244: How To Live FEARLESSLY With Heather!

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Thriving through change   Reflecting on your past  Never holding yourself back Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  I am 48 today! Let’s take a moment to appreciate all that we’ve accomplished over the past year. When you are overwhelmed by change, it can be easy to let your doubts get the best of you. You’ll never know what you are capable of unless you GIVE IT A TRY. What do you have to lose? Tune OUT the haters, and tune IN to your intuition. Most importantly, when you’re going through hard times, remember to look back at what you’ve already overcome!

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me today. Okay, so as I'm recording this, this is actually my birthday, August 14th. I am 48 today, which is so crazy and super exciting. And for those of you who are new to the show, I'm going to give you a little bit of backstory. For those of you that are my OGs and have been with me since day one, thank you.

And please bear with me. But a lot has changed for me in the last year that you might not be aware of. And I want to kind of reflect on it and share what it is to see if maybe there's specific things that you could rip and run with that might be able to impact you in a positive way. but also what's been happening here since this real journey began. So, all right, so we're going to take it back for a minute. So my background, I grew up poor. I went to college where my mother worked so we didn't have to pay for school. I was a lifeguard, a bartender, a waitress.

I mean, I worked since I was, I don't even know, 11 years old. I had a paper route, right? So my whole life was about working hard and got into sales right out of college, got into the wine business, then ultimately into the radio business. And then I became an equity partner in a radio company in my early 20s and killed it. I mean, we knocked it out of the park. We bought a $25 million company, escalated revenues rapidly and sold that company for $55 million, really putting my name on the map in business.

But, you know, mic drop moment. I had no confidence, but people didn't know it at the time. Cut to, I left that partnership, went to work for a publicly traded company. I was there for 14 years, was promoted. three times becoming the chief revenue officer of the company, killing it. I mean, I was named one of the most influential women in radio in 2017. And on the outside looking in, everything was amazing. That's what people would say. I used to say I had golden handcuffs and couldn't leave, even though I hated my job. Here's the truth of it. I was working side by side with a woman

that despised me. And the longer I would turn a blind eye to her bad behavior, the world, my life got, the more unhappy I became and the more I wanted to take a vacation to escape my day-to-day life. I don't know if you've ever felt like that. It's a crappy, crappy feeling where you're like not excited when you wake up in the morning. You were at one point in time, but somehow over the years it morphed into not happy and not feeling good about yourself and kind of dreading interactions with people and it was bad. It was a slow change that happened over a few years period of time. But as I dialed myself down, this woman dialed herself up. Ultimately, in the end, here's what happened. Cut to the chase. At the end of 2017, the CEO that I'd worked for for 14 years

became ill, and he elevated his daughter to replace him. You got it. My number one nemesis, my number one villain, the woman who had treated me so badly for years. So then I got the phone call from her to come over to her office. And even though I knew she didn't like me, everyone was clear on that. I thought, you know, she's really smart. Obviously, it's a huge opportunity she's getting to run this company as a CEO. I mean, what a gift she was given, you know, she's not going to fire me, but I'm sure she's going to have some words for me about how I have to do things her way or whatever control freak stuff she had. But I really didn't think I'd get fired. Okay, so I drive three hours over to her office. I live in Miami. She's in Naples to meet with her.

I walk in. She's all smiles. Now, the one thing she didn't know is for, for the, about a month or two before that, I had started working intentionally on my confidence, really thinking about, okay, I have a goal. I want to get my confidence up. Let's think about what does that look like. What steps do I need to take? You know, what things can I do to make this come to fruition? Because I had noticed a lack of confidence in me and I didn't like it. I didn't like who I was becoming. So I said, pump the brakes, which you have the opportunity to do any point in time as well. And let's change. Like, let's pivot this course and put it back on course. And so I was working on that behind scenes at home, you know, throughout my day, challenging myself to step into fear, you know, little things that could help me say, okay, I'm doing this. I'm building momentum. I'm getting stronger. Well, luckily, my timing was good. So I walked into her office. She was all smiles, so happy to see me. And that's when she dropped the bomb. She said, I can send out one of two memos. One memo said, Heather's been fired. The other one was a really beautiful memo, which was total BS, saying,

We're so happy to hear Heather Monaghan is going on an adventure and a journey. Let's cheer her on from the sidelines. She's leaving to do something so great and exciting. We're here to support her. It was all BS. And basically, if I wanted the beautiful memo to go out, I had to sign her non-disperaging gag clause, basically, so that I would never talk about my experiences at the company or about her. And if I would sign it, she'd offer me a big check as a parting gift. Well, I am not, you know, some multimil And I'm a single mom. And so, of course, there was a part of me that wanted that check, right? I didn't know where I would get another paycheck from in the moment. You know, it was all happening so fast. But I knew more than anything, I wanted to respect myself. And I knew more than anything, this was an opportunity for me to create confidence within myself. And these things were popping into my mind in a split second. Like it was more of just a gut feeling, right? And always trust your gut. And so in that moment, my gut said, oh, heck no, you are not. going to cave into this woman anymore. You're done with her bullying you. You are done with this lady. So I pushed the memos back to her. And I said I didn't write either one of these memos, not signing either one. And if you have nothing else to say to me, I'm out of here. And after 14 years, I stood up with all the class and grace I had within me. And I put a smile on my face. And she crumbled. She turned bright red. She was flipping out. She never anticipated. I wouldn't sign that cloth. And so I shifted the power in the room in that moment. And I share that with you because you have

that same power and ability. If you can choose to respond and not react to people, and if you can choose to do it with ease and grace and class, you will always come out on top. Now, that was not easy, right? I made it to the car before I started bawling my eyes out because I had a non-compete, non-solicit that I had signed, which meant I couldn't work in the industry I had expertise in for 18 months. I knew what it meant. It meant that if I made the choice I made for the next 18 months, next year and a half, I'd have to start over as a rookie somewhere to make money, to make an income, and I needed an income. So that ride home was a nightmare. I was 43 years old, and I drove home three hours crying the whole ride. I mean, I was just a disaster. I kept thinking,

I've lost everything. I've lost it all, right? But here's the thing, and this is what I want you to do. In those low moments, sometimes we let the emotion of negativity or fear overwhelm us. It's important in those moments to stop and say, what is the one simplistic shred of fact or truth to this? Because there was no truth to me losing everything. I hadn't lost my expertise.

I hadn't lost my network. I hadn't lost my health, my friends, my family. I hadn't lost my experiences, right? I had all of these amazing things I had lost a paycheck. So once you distill it down to what that really simple shred of fact is, it becomes much easier to overcome. And so once I had done that, I made the decision to post on social media and let people know I had just been fired and I wanted their help.

I said, I've just been fired if I've ever done anything to help you. I need to hear from you now. And that post went viral and landed me on the Elvis Durant show where he spoke a conviction. and a truth into me that changed my life. He said, Heather, well, obviously you're writing a book. And I said, well, obviously, but I wasn't. You know, never hold back when you have one of these moments where you can speak a truth or a belief into someone that is, that rings so true to you, because you don't know how that could impact them. Him seeing that possibility for me open my mind to the possibility, it could be a truth. And wouldn't you know, it became one. So I'd left

Elvis Duran that day in New York, jumped on a plane, and I Googled, how do you write a book? I had no idea. I had grown up the social one, right? We all had these labels on us as kids. My sister was the smart one. I was the social one that belonged in sales. And I had hung on to that label for a long time. And I decided that day, I'm going to let this label go. Maybe I'm the social one that could also write a book. Maybe I don't need to be in a lane. Maybe I could just live my life lanelessly and go wherever I want and take my talents with me. and that's what I chose to do. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Takayatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Takiatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only apps,

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So I started writing and I wrote and wrote and wrote and then finally I got. far enough. I said, I need someone light years ahead of me. I invested in myself. And I hired an editor, someone who had written 19 books, right? So if you're looking for someone to advise you, go to someone who's light years ahead of where you are. And yes, you're going to have to invest in yourself. And yes, it'll be the best investment you'll ever make. So before I knew it, my editor, Ryan and I had my first book, Confidence Creator, done. I was so excited. And I shared it with my family, and the response I got was not what I was looking for, right? And so this goes back to when I interviewed Sarah Blakely, and if you haven't listened to that episode, check it out a couple

of weeks ago. But she shares that when she started Spanx, she told no one, not her family, nobody. She kept that idea so close to her vest because she didn't want anyone to talk her out of it. That was information I could have used before I shared my book with my family. So anyhow, my mom, My mother ended up saying she didn't want me launching it because she didn't like I was sharing, you know, with some darkness from our past. And then my sister, who's an attorney, the smart one, quote unquote, you know, she told me I'd be sued by everybody. And it just put all this fear and doubt yet again back into my mind. Luckily, I did something smart. I reached out to my editor who's written 19 books.

And I said, hey, it looks like I can't publish because my family doesn't want me to. And he shared, what are you talking about? You don't think people have ever tried to talk me out of publishing my books? Heather, how many books have your family published? And that was a moment that really got my attention. They'd published none. So I got his point. He'd written and published 19.

They'd written and published none. Who should I be taking advice from in this situation? And it was my editor. So never take advice or direction from someone who hasn't been where you're going. Really powerful advice right there. And it worked really well for me. So I moved forward with Ryan. We published my first book. Confidence creator launched the first week on Amazon, and it trumped Donald Trump for number one on the business biography list the first week it came out. And yes, he was the president of the United States at the time. It was crazy. And I, of course, have the screenshot to prove that one. So it ends up being this really risky, scary move that turned out to be this blessing and gift that I move forward with. And I was so proud of myself. And going through that experience, tremendous confidence in me, right? Because it was so unknown. Like, what is this possibility?

What it could do well? It might not do it. I had no idea. Maybe one person would buy it. Maybe thousands. I didn't know. But it turned out thousands did. And the book did incredibly well. And then I Googled, how do you sell books? And it said speak. And I had spoken for 20-something years in corporate America. And so I just started speaking for companies as long as they'd buy books until the day someone said, what's your speaker fee? And I googled and saw Gary Vaynerchuk back in 2018 was getting paid $350,000 for a 60-minute keynote. And that's when I decided to say, okay, time for my next pivot and move and change. We're going to get into the speaking business. It's much more lucrative. And so I went all in on the speaking business and blew up my speaking

business, gave my first TEDx. It was promoted to TED and translated into six languages. my speaking business took off, and then the pandemic hit, and everything died overnight. So the funny thing is, or not so funny, but the interesting thing is, now I was getting into this sort of loop of, okay, failure comes. I find a way to get around it or overcome it or change from it, and I get booted up again, and then I build momentum and things start getting great, and then failure comes, and then I find out, right, it became this process. And so the pandemic really was very stressful and not a great time for me. Me and my son were alone, both remote, working from home, him doing school in one room,

me working at a computer in the next room and a two-bedroom condo, right? It was super isolating, not live in my best life. But we got through it. And what was interesting is during that time, really that two-year window of 2020 to 2022, I met so many amazing people on the computer, started so many Zoom relationships that have yielded incredible friends who have changed my life yet again, supported me in incredible ways, have strengthened my relationship with God. I mean, the things that have come from this awful time have been mind-blowing. And so now looking back, I'm grateful for it. But like anything,

when you're in the thick of it, when you're in the hard time, you don't know how the dots are going to connect. And that's why you need to have faith, right? And Steve Jobs quotes that you can only connect the dots when you look backwards, not forwards. You've got to go through the hard times to get out the other side so you can look back and see why it all happened. And that's sort of how I feel today is I look back and I see how all these things were a blessing, even though they didn't feel like it in the moment. So if you're going through one of those hard times, know that you can't see how those dots are going to connect. But I promise you keep moving forward. They will eventually. So, okay, so all that happens, I end up writing my second book, Overcome Your Villains.

I publish it with HarperCollins leadership. You know, I was named Top 50 Keynote Speaker of the Year, 2022. All these amazing blessings started coming my way at the end of this really hard time. And my neighbor came to me and said, I think you should sell your condo. Little did she know, I drive so much with my son to school and we're constantly in traffic as Miami has blown up in the past couple of years. and what a blessing that she told me this, and she gave me her realtor, and he already had buyers ready. And so since May, we have been back and forth with more buyers and more offers and more

deals and more fallouts and more letdowns and then the market changing. And I'm just excited to let you know that finally our fourth deal was the winner winner. And we are moving in a couple weeks and I couldn't be more excited or more optimistic looking forward to this new adventure, right? We've lived in the same place for 17 years, which is a long time. It's definitely my son's whole life and just exciting to know that, you know, we're on to the next one, onto the next adventure, stepping into possibility, stepping into opportunity and stepping into change. And I just see all those things as so incredible and so exciting and so good. So I hope you are stepping into possibility. I hope you are stepping into change and you are opening your eyes to

what is possible for you moving forward because it's always changing and it's always there, ready for you to grab if you're willing to go after it. So as I mentioned, I turned 48 today and I'm big into, like I have these funny routines I like to do for any birthday. I like to look back on the last year, right? Like what did I accomplish I'm really proud of or what did I learn from this last year that's important for me to write down and move forward with. And then also, what am I looking forward to in this next year? And when I was reflecting on those things for 47 verse 48, you know, a couple of things come to mind. One, when I look at my life today versus one year ago today, my son had just gotten out of academic camp, right, because he was coming off of Zoom school,

which was awful. And if you have a kid that is, you know, in the teens, you can feel me. It was so isolating, so hard for them, no sports, just it was very hard. And so we were not in the greatest place. He was getting better, right? He was trying. He had made it through the academic camp, which I was so proud of. But things were not perfect. They were far from normal or far from perfect.

But to know where he was then versus where he is now, you know, he's thriving. It's incredible the change that I've seen in him and him being able to be around friends again and have a year back in real school with real people. And it's so amazing to have that gratitude now for these things that we used to just take for granted every day. I just took for granted. My son would go to school every day and be with friends and play sports because I had lived that life my whole life. And why wouldn't he? And to have this complete hiccup or nightmare or whatever you want to call it with COVID, you know,

it gives an opportunity just to be grateful every day that we wake up, that he can be around people his own age, that he can interact with others, and I'm so excited for him going back to school this week. So that's something that's super exciting to see his journey in the last year has been remarkable, and I'm incredibly proud of him. For me, you know, obviously when you're worried about your child, that is one of the hardest things, because you can't control everything around it. You can't control really anything around it, but you just hope that you're being the best parent you can be, not knowing if you are, especially if you have one child, like you haven't seen this movie before.

you're just hoping you're doing it right or doing it the best that you can. So that have been an issue. For me, my speaking business was picking up for sure. I had tons of Zoom events, which was great, but obviously in-person events are my favorite and starting to see, you know, the transition that's been occurring, building momentum to more in-person has been, all of this just makes me so much more hopeful for the future, so much more excited about the future and what's to come, which is amazing. And then my book with Harper Collins Leadership, Overcome Your Villains, a year ago, that book was not out. You know, now today it is, right? So that's a huge accomplishment that I'm super proud of.

I constantly read the reviews and the DMs I get from you. And I'm just so grateful for the feedback that I get and to know that I can play a small part in someone's life in helping them to embrace fear or tackle change or go for more. It's an incredible feeling that when I was back in corporate America, I didn't feel. And to know today that I do work that gets to help people, it means the world to me. So I don't know what you're doing right now. If you're not feeling fulfilled, keep looking because there are opportunities out there for you to find something more fulfilling. I don't know what that looks like yet. And I didn't know what it was for me a decade ago.

I had no idea. I would work ridiculous hours in corporate America and then work night. and weekends for a charity trying to find that fulfillment, now today I found a way to merge it altogether. Again, it didn't happen overnight. It happened after a series of crazy events, but you've got to have faith that you'll be led to that right place and that things will work out because I truly believe they will, and I surely see that they are for me. So just keep going, keep taking the chances, keep listening to yourself, and keep moving forward. So some of the things that I did in the last year, I'll never forget, it was December of last year.

so I was still 47, and I just decided I needed to clear, I wanted some space in my life. So I decided to clear out so much, just purge as much stuff as I could out of my house to make space. And when you do that, for some people, it provides a level of clarity, just a level of space where you can think more clearly. It really helped me a lot. It helped bring me some clarity. So just an interesting exercise for you to try possibly. you know, when you have that space around you, your mind has that space, you welcome that clarity. It's a great hack that if you haven't tried yet, purge your house and see what clarity you get from it.

Okay, get rid of some old stuff so you can make space for something new and better. That's what I did back in December. And then January came and I was in an awful court case with legal situation with my ex-husband. And, you know, that was very negative, right? Like, didn't love that. And when she saw me, she said, oh, my gosh, you don't seem like yourself. you're just like at a low vibration. She said, talk to my energy healer. And I called her energy healer. And I actually did a whole episode on this. So go back and check out the episode with Tanya Lester. It's

amazing. And that woman changed my life. I mean, literally within days of meeting with her, my court case was wrapped up with my ex and things were resolved out of left field. I mean, I was shocked by it. And things just got a lot better. And there was a weight lifted off of me. So I know that this isn't for everybody, but for me, it offered me a lot of healing and just a sense that my energy was vibrating at a higher level. And we are all energy and we are all vibrating at some level and attracting things to us. Just being aware of, you know, what does that look like for you? What level are you vibrating at? What are you attracting to yourself? And there are things you can do to change it. And I live that and I preach it and go back and listen to that episode because it is

fact, it's my truth, and if it can help me, it might be able to help you. But definitely check it out. And so I went through that process, which was, happened really quickly and really changed things for the better. And then, you know, suddenly, as I said, my neighbor was telling me I should move. And then I was further purging more things out of my home. And, you know, it's been this up and down roller coaster of things I didn't expect, but welcoming these things into my life, knowing I don't know what this looks like on the other side, right? But there's a possibility. of something that's better and being willing to let go of what's okay to go for what could be great. That's the whole thing. That's the whole key about growth and about, you know,

possibility and improving your life. So I've definitely stepped into these things. I've definitely chosen to see fear as a green light that means go and move into it faster and faster. And I hope that some of these things that I've gone through can potentially inspire you to go for more, inspire you to let go of what's not. not serving you so that you can grab on to that next thing that can take you to that next level or open that next door for you and be willing to know there is a possibility for more out there if you choose to and want to go for it. So I want you to. I'm hopeful that you will. I'm so grateful for how far I've come in the last year. I can't even put it into words. I'm so excited

about the possibility for the next year ahead. It's, I mean, literally, I'm freaking out. I'm so excited. It's going to be major. I just have this feeling this is my best year yet. I'm putting the intention out there, and it's going to happen. So what's next? I don't know, but I'm going to keep you up to speed here every week, like I always do. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. Please share this episode. If you like it, that's how I know you like it. When you share, tag me. I will always repost you, and I so appreciate your support and can't wait to see you next week.