Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #246: Be Your Own #1 Fan With Heather!

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Taking the highroad  Controlling how you react    Going easy on yourself   Trusting the process   Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Are you being too hard on yourself? It’s SO important to be kind to yourself, and always STAND your ground! No matter what life throws your way, taking the high road will have major payoffs. Don’t stress over your own timeline or what other people are doing. Remember, we are all on a different path! Everyone needs a break every now and then and you NEED to dedicate time for YOURSELF! What is meant for you, WILL FIND YOU!

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me today. Okay, so I have a few different stories to share with you that have occurred in the last week that I feel like when I'm hit with the message, it's my job to share it with you

that somebody listening needs to hear it. So I've got a couple different messages, a couple different stories. I don't know that they necessarily tie it together, but I'm hoping that you get something out of them. It was sort of a couple of these situations were eye-opener's for me, so I hope they help you. All right, first of all, I was in a meeting the other day and someone on my team lost their cool. This very rarely happens, right? I mean, how often are you in a meeting and someone starts kind of bullying and raising their voice and basically throwing a temper tantrum, not often if you're in a healthy environment, right?

So this was very out of character for the person. I was shocked. I mean, I had no poker phase. I was making the weirdest face. I was in shock. And it hit me as so strange for a few different reasons. One, I used to be in a very toxic environment when I was back in corporate America, as you know, with a woman who hated me, who was always trying to sabotage me. But she was very sneaky. She was very quiet. She would never bang on the tables, but she would do things. behind your back in a real sneaky fashion. I literally trained myself back then not to react. I trained myself never to throw a tantrum, never to raise my voice, never to stomp my fist. Even though I'm an outgoing, extroverted, loud person, I really trained myself not to react,

but to be very thoughtful and respond tactfully. And it was so interesting for me because it was a man that was the one who really just lost his control and got very angry. And I thought, wow, that's so awful, right? You want to be able to be in control of your thoughts, your emotions, and present yourself in the best way possible. So the reason I wanted to bring that up was what I've seen since that meeting occurred is such a long-tail fallout. It really shocked me. There have been so many side conversations behind this person's back since this happened, right? So I guess my point is, don't lose your cool in a meeting or otherwise because there's such a different fallout that you might not even be aware of, and it affects people from a trust level,

from a team standpoint. It's just, it shocked me, one, that the person did it because it was out of character for them. And listen, we all make mistakes, right? And we can grow and learn. But it just, it had a much broader, deeper impact on everybody that was there at the meeting. And I don't think this person realized the ramifications of, you know, what could happen. So before the next time, you know, you find yourself in a situation, maybe somebody's delivering you information you don't like. You're not happy to hear. Believe me, that's happened to me countless times in my life and in business.

But really finding the grace to take a deep breath, be thoughtful, be respectful, give yourself grace. And if you feel that you are boiling over and you're going to lose it, excuse yourself from the meeting. That's the best advice. I wish I could have told this person that before they lost it. that day. Hey, why don't you go for a walk or, hey, why don't we step outside and talk individually. You can vent to me, but not to do it in a public forum because you just have no idea the

impact that that scene or tantrum could have longer term. And it could really harm you, harm your relationships on the team. And it's tough to come back from those situations. It's not impossible, but you're making things tougher on yourself than you need to. Always take the high road. You can circle back on things later. If you are feeling like you're losing control, excuse yourself from the meeting from the situation and let everybody know that you need a break and that you'll be back when you can. You know, that's showing up with a lot of grace and a lot of class. And to me, that's who I want to embody, right, when I'm in a situation like that. And I've been in many situations where I've wanted to lose my cool. But it's like a practice or a

discipline. And I think about with children, right, they want to just jump on the floor and scream and throw tantrums if they can't get something. But over time, they learn you're not rewarded for bad behavior. You don't get the thing you want when you have bad behavior. So it's just applicable. Still as adults, I just wanted to share that because it was really, it was surprising. And it just reminded me of this lesson that I had learned back in corporate America to really separate from emotion in business because it doesn't behoove you to get really angry in a meeting. It will never turn out the way that you hoped it would. Okay, that was one lesson that I wanted to share.

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And Heather, I'm telling you, you need to, right now, call my realtor right now. There's buyers for your condo. I had not even thought about selling my condo because I bought an 05, which was at the height of the market. I never thought I'd be able to get out and make any money on it. However, I drive my son an hour to school each way. every day. He and I lose so much time every day. It's ridiculous. His school's so far. So the problem is 500,000 people have moved to Miami. And since COVID, and the traffic is just horrible now. And it wasn't anywhere near like this back, you know, in 2019. So anyhow, my eyes popped out of my head. I was so excited when she told me this because for me to be able to move closer to my son's school, to be able to get out from under a situation that I thought, I thought I'd have to own my condo forever and just rent it

because I wouldn't be able to sell it. So it was just this amazing moment that came out of nowhere. What a blessing and miracle that this woman handed me. And funny enough, the next day I hadn't circled back with her, she left a post-it note on my door, which I truly believe this is like with a hand from God. She left a post-it note at my door. Please call my realtor today. I'm not kidding, Heather, this is important. She put the phone number. I text him immediately. By that afternoon, the realtor had come over to my house and they were listing my condo. So things were happening. so quickly. Well, what is so bizarre is that we put it up, we were moving fast, breaking things, making things happen, and then a deal fell through. And then we went under contract again,

and another deal fell through. And then we went under contract again, and another deal fell through. All the while during this time, the marketplace was starting to change and slow down. So we had to drop the price, drop the price. Anyway, to make a long story longer, we ended up getting the condo sold. We're now under contract. We're only a few weeks away from closing, all as well. But it's been a long process and one that did not turn out anything like I thought it would. However, when I look back at the beginning, I was so stressed about when would we close and what would the dollar amount be. And I truly believe when you're putting energy out there like that, you're just harming yourself, right? I wasn't thinking let go, turn it over.

everything is going to go seamless and work out in the right timing with the right buyer. I have nothing to fear. Instead, I was sitting in fear and what could go wrong and how much money would I make. And I really was not approaching it correctly. This much I know for sure. So what ends up happening is during all of this, I had started looking for a place for us to move because we had been under contract. The first deal we did was back in May. Right. So I started looking for a condo for my son and I to lease for a year until I could find out what we wanted to do and see what happens with the real estate market. Well, I found the most incredible penthouse. It was two stories and an ideal location.

I fell in love with it. Yes, it was very expensive. You know, maybe not the smartest decision for me, but I loved it. I was like, you know what, I'm going all in. This is going to be an adventure. I can't wait. And so once a week I would drive by the location. I loved it so much.

I would speak it into existence. I'm going to be living here. Super excited. Yes, I really do things like that. this. Okay, so wouldn't you know now that my new contract is hard and it's time to find a place to live, my realtors took me out. And I said, I want to go get the penthouse. And they said, oh my gosh, we hate to tell you this. It just sold two weeks ago. It's off the market. Somebody already moved in. I was devastated. I thought for sure that's where I was supposed to live.

But these are the moments I truly believe you have to turn it over to God, turn it over to higher power, turn it over to the universe, whoever it is for you, and say, please, you know, I turn it over to you, whatever is meant to be that is, you know, in the best interest for me and my son and where we're going to live, I have all the faith in the world that it's going to work out. And I did that. Now, I say that I did that, but I have my low moments where I forget. And thankfully, I have a child that reminds me. So here's how it went. I basically had that conversation, even though I was disappointed about the penthouse. I'm not going to lie. I was. It was incredible. I said, okay, let's go all in. Let's start looking for some new

places, something amazing will pop up. And the first couple places I saw, I just didn't really like, you know, I just wasn't excited. You know, you know, when you walk in somewhere, you know if this is the place or not. And I was not finding anything that was really making me so happy. Well, anyways, I end up finding, surprisingly, a townhouse, which I did not think I would like. I liked it. I didn't love the neighborhood, right? It wasn't like, oh, I love this place, the way that I had felt about the previous one. But I thought, you know what, let's just be open-minded, give it a shot, and I made an offer. Well, I get home and my son's home, and we were actually sitting on the couch after dinner, and he can see that I'm so frustrated texting with this woman, because she's kind of being a bully,

like, hey, you need to up that ask, and you need to make another offer, and if you need to do it by eight o'clock, and I've got two other offers, and you're going to lose this place, really being pushy and not very nice. And so my son saw my face, he saw I was irritated, and he said to me, mom, I just want to remind you that if God's hand is on this deal, things will move forward with ease and grace, and it won't be hard, and it'll work out for the best for us. Doesn't seem to me like this is the deal. And when he reminded me of that, I said, you are 100% right. I'm going to hand this over. I'm turning it over. There's a bigger plan out there than mine, and I'm letting this go. But of course you wonder, oh, gosh, I hope I'm making the right decision, right? So I did that. In the next day, we get the call,

somebody else got the townhouse. Okay, fine. I'm just a few weeks away from having to be out of my home. I have no idea where I'm going. The place I loved is gone. Now, my second rate place that I thought was okay is gone. Turn it over. Let's start looking for some more options. So the next day I go out with the realtors and we see a few different properties. And we get to this one property. It was huge and really beautiful, but it was more money than I wanted to spend. And I said, you know what, how much room do we have to negotiate here? Let's put our cards on the table. I don't want to least my time, I don't want to waste your time. Let's just talk very directly. Where are you at with the price? And the guy says to me, oh, we're not budging at all, which is ridiculous because the marketplace right now is on a downward decline. So I said, well, then we're not interested.

We're leaving. And I was pissed because I really liked it. And of course, you don't know what else you're going to find out in the market. We leave. And I said, you know what? That's just, it's too much money. I'm not paying that. It's ridiculous. Let's go to the next one. We go to the next one. I walk into this building. I fell in love immediately. I had never seen this building, didn't even know it existed. Miracles happened. I am telling you right now, you don't know what is ahead for you. It's so exciting. Sometimes that moment of uncertainty can seem so scary, and I promise you I felt like that, oh my gosh, where are we going to live? What if I can't find anything good? And I walked into this building and I just immediately felt at home, immediately felt so peaceful, immediately felt safe,

immediately felt happy, excited, great energy. The woman showing the unit to us was amazing. And it just the whole thing was incredible. And I never even knew that building existed. So I truly see it as a miracle. And we got up into the unit. I was saying to the woman, I'm like, I love this place. I need to live here. This will be such an exciting adventure for a year. It's incredible. And the other funny thing is, I live on the ocean facing Star Island in Miami Beach currently. and I literally have probably the most beautiful view of anyone in Miami. It's incredible. You can't beat it. It's just unbelievable. And so I'd already said to my son, we've got to say goodbye to our beautiful view. It's not going to be easy, but we lived here for 17 years. We can be grateful for what we have and just embrace that there's change. And that was one really special thing about where we lived. Wouldn't you know this new place that we are moving to has an incredible view? So it was funny. I had decided I was going to lose that, but I actually did. And I have a different view, but it's equally as incredible or close to as incredible. So I'm so excited about that.

Okay, so we make an offer that day when we pull out. And I'm waiting, waiting. We don't hear anything back. The next day I said, well, I guess I should probably start looking at other places. However, I have a good feeling that I'm getting this. And so I went with another friend of mine who's a realtor. We went to look at another place, did not like it at all. I said, no, I just, I have a feeling this other place is going to come together.

And about an hour later, I got the text that I got the condo unit I wanted in this amazing place, in this amazing building, with this amazing view. And it all turned out incredibly. And it wouldn't have happened had my son not reminded me that night before when I was making the offer and getting frustrated with that woman, that when God has his hand on a deal, it was something's meant for you, right? If it was part of his plan for you, it's not going to be so hard. So sometimes, I know for me, I've wanted to force things and white knuckle things. Sometimes the real answer is about letting go and getting out of the way of what could be out there for you. I love that meme. I don't know if you've ever seen it, where a little kid's holding a small

stuffed animal behind his back and then God's standing across from him with this humongous stuffed animal behind his back. And he's saying, just turn it over to me, you know, God's plan. Meaning, God's plan is always going to be so much bigger than yours. God's plan is always going to be. be so much more incredible. You won't even be able to imagine what it is. It's going to hold miracles for you, literally like what has just happened for me this week. It's just so exciting to be seeing it, believing it, knowing this is a truth, and this is available for you as well.

You've got to believe in order to receive. And I was reminded of that yet again today at church, you've got to believe first in order to receive and move forward in faith. And that's what we've been doing. I can tell you this. the outcome has been incredible. I'm so grateful, and I'm constantly going to remind myself of this because it is easy to forget. And that's where I'm glad I have my son to remind me. So make sure you have good people around you to remind you. Make sure you leave yourself reminders.

Be really thoughtful about the content you're consuming, who you're surrounding yourself with, who you're asking for help and asking for advice from, you know, all of these things are opportunities to either prop you up and strengthen your faith or start to tear you down. And I want to make sure that you're strength in your faith. You're seeing these things as opportunities to strengthen your faith to step into that unknown, that possibility and move towards miracles that are truly waiting for you. If you're willing to believe, then you will receive. So it's been an incredible week.

I'm super excited. I can't wait for this new adventure. It's, you know, doing something new, letting go of something old, a place I've lived for 17 years that I do love. And I'm so grateful for and embracing something new and totally. unknown is just incredibly exciting. And I want that same excitement for you. Of course I do. Okay. So that was a really incredible thing that happened. And then on a different note, you know, in the past week, I made a decision that I needed to ask for my needs to be met in a personal situation, which for some reason, I don't know how you are with this. In some scenarios

or in some personal situations, I'll feel a little uncomfortable, you know, asking for what I need or what I want or feeling like I can be demanding, right? Like there's a fine line between, of course, you want to stand up for yourself and ask for your needs, but at the same time, you don't want to be a pain or driving people crazy. And I had this realization that people don't know what I want if I don't extend my arm, raise my hand and say, hey, I need something. They're not able to read my mind. And I can't assume, I mean, I think they should be able to.

I mean, wouldn't that be nice? But they can't. And so making that decision to be vulnerable and say, hey, this isn't, easy to talk about, but my needs aren't being met, and here's what I need. I don't know how you feel about that, but I thought it made sense for us to have the conversation. And so that was a big deal for me, because in the past in my life, what I would do instead is maybe just not say anything. And then over time, I'd get a little bit distant, right? Because you just don't feel the same because your needs aren't being met, but you didn't have the courage to raise your hand and explain that. And yeah,

doing new things is uncomfortable. Doing new things like having a conversation like that felt intimidating and scary. And I still don't know what the outcome is yet, but I'm so proud of myself for doing it, right? Because I know that was the right decision. And when we make decisions based on what's the right thing for us, who we are, who we want to be, who that best version is of who we are, it really doesn't matter the outcome. Because that's when we just turn it over and lead and move forward with this blind faith, knowing that the right road will reveal itself, a way will be made to what is meant for us.

We don't need to force it, pretend to be a different way to show up as that real best version of ourselves, even if it feels a little bit uncomfortable because we are growing, but knowing we're making that right decision for us and allowing the rest to unfold as it's meant to be. And so that's where I am right now. I'm living in so much uncertainty, whether it be from selling my condo that I've lived in for 17 years to moving somewhere I'd never even knew existed and I have no idea about that area with people I don't know or showing up as the best version of myself in a relationship when that can be intimidating too. So living in all this uncertainty can feel overwhelming, but I want

you to know if you're living in it, I am so proud of you because I'm really proud of me too right now. It feels uncomfortable. It's all about, you know, taking that first step, even though you might not see the staircase or the step or anything for that matter. It's moving forward with a belief and a faith that it's all going to work out, that you're going to be okay. And you absolutely are because the best is yet to come. And that is one thing I am completely sure of. Okay. One of the that I pushed myself to do this. And it's interesting because I've been doing this a lot lately. When I want to do something, I'm having a hard time. You know, I don't have the answer, you know, in my hand. I've been asking for signs. Please give me a sign. If I'm on the right path,

please give me a sign. Please close the doors that are no longer meant for me. Please open the ones that are. And I will tell you, in the last week, I've been doing this around this whole issue I'm telling about with this personal relationship and knowing that I wanted to say something. But, you know, I kind of felt bad and timing's never right, blah, blah, blah. And I asked for signs. I got knocked over the head with about 800 signs in a 48-hour period. It was so crazy and so bizarre and almost overwhelming that it pushed me to do it. It allowed me to know, whoa, I need to deal with this.

Yes, this is something that I need to address. So maybe for you, that's something you might want to try, is to ask for some signs, ask for some guidance and be open to receiving it, be open to the signs that are going to appear for you, and they will. Here's a sign. Can you please share the show? Oh my gosh, please. If there is someone that you think could benefit from the show, please share it.

Share it on social media. Tag me. I will always repost and retag. That's how I know you like the episode. When you share it, you help me, help your girl out, but you also let me know that you liked it. And I can create more content for you around it. As always, send me a DM at my website, Heathermonahan.com or on any social media, I'm always going to respond to you. Thank you so much. Keep stepping into uncomfortable. Keep creating your confidence because that's the best way to do it.

Every time you step into that unknown and keep moving forward, you come out that other side, so much stronger. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.