Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #250: The Key To Keep On GROWING, With Heather!

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Challenging yourself   Experimenting    Being your own cheerleader  Persevering through ANYTHING  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Instagram: @vouschurch  Show Notes:  Are you feeling stuck? If success was EASY, everyone would have it! Start believing in yourself, and continue going after your goals. Life is FULL of unexpected twists and turns, but no matter what problem you’re trying to fix, there’s ALWAYS a solution to be found. Most importantly, don’t forget to cheer yourself on and stay positive along the way! 

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I just received a DM on LinkedIn and I wanted to share with you what it said and what I responded because I get a lot of messages like this. So the DM I received was, it's super great what this woman's doing, someone I don't know, that was reaching out to me saying, hey, Heather, I have this new initiative or this passion project I'm working on. She wants to help to reimagine how the government and justice system handles domestic violence cases. Apparently something around domestic violence happened in her life. And she saw how difficult and hard it was. And she has made it a passion project in her. purpose to find a way to improve it. Amazing. Love to hear this, like all good. There's nothing bad there, right? It's so good to find your purpose and passion and to pursue that. And I'm totally commending this woman for what she's doing. It's amazing. However, she writes to me to say,

hey, basically, this is so much harder than I thought it was. And she said, basically, people don't want to have the conversation with her. They're avoiding the topic entirely. She says it basically seems like it's not a popular topic and that it's got a negative connotation. And so now people are just trying to avoid me. How do I fix this? You know, she feels stuck. And so I thought that was so interesting because if success was easy, everybody would have it. That's the first thing I go back to is I just think about business, right? And I just remember coming up in sales and, you know, becoming a sales leader and then a VP of sales and then an EVP and then a cheap revenue officer and then getting fired, then reinventing myself. None of this stuff was easy, right? So you can either,

in any situation, sit somewhere and think about how things stink because of the conditions, because of the way other people respond, or this is the better option, what you can do is challenge yourself to say, okay, how can I put myself in their shoes and make them want to take this on, make this their idea, make this special and important for them, how can I change the way I'm doing it so that I can connect and get their support? Right. So the first thing that I thought to myself, that's how I thought when I heard her question when I thought about, there's always a solution, number one, okay? I don't care what challenge you're phasing. There will always be a solution available to you. It's on each one of us to find it. And listen, it might not be the thing that

you like. You might not like the solution, but it's out there. That I know for sure. So I think to myself, okay, if I want to help this lady find a solution, I need to put myself in the shoes of the people that are giving her a hard time that are basically saying this has a negative connotation. I don't want any part of the discussion. So the first thing I thought to myself is, okay, change the narrative. Whatever that discussion is, we've got to change it. So how you've been doing it, that's not working. Right. So number one, you've got a clear intention and a goal, which is great. And we want to have that clearly defined. And she does. Now, she's got some data because she's gone out and tried to make it work with her narrative she

initially used. The data came back and said, this doesn't work. Okay, great. So we know what doesn't work, which is fantastic. Now, we have to try some alternatives. So this is just like pitching anything, whether you're pitching a book proposal or you're pitching a $20 million deal to a client in the ad sector, right? It doesn't matter. It's all the same stuff. You've got to gather your data, know your product, know what problem you're solving, and you have to find a way. to connect to the other person and make it meaningful to them so they want to do it. They want to say yes. So one of the things I said to her in a message back was, you know, put yourself in their shoes

and how can you make this connect or resonate with them. One of the most powerful ways you can do that is through storytelling. So to me, I'm thinking if people don't like this topic, they see it as negative. What I want to do is I want to make it more human, more relatable so that they can, they've got to know someone in their life. And I'm making this up. I don't know. But maybe it's telling a story of a woman who seemed happy in a relationship at first and slowly over time, you could see she wasn't as happy. And on the outside looking and you started wondering if she was okay. And how can you make this more relatable so that whoever you're telling a story to, everyone knows someone in that

situation? Because suddenly you might pique their interest. Suddenly, it could be a more pleasant, curious conversation instead of a off-putting one. Right. So, you know, how can we humanize the topic, how can we make it relatable, how can we involve story so others can become emotionally tied to it and relate to it and identify with it and want to be a part of the solution, want to be a champion for it. So I would start there, right? And again, you're going to have to test and try. You're going to have to do research. You're going to interview people. You're going to have to do the work. It's not easy. There's not a magic answer for this, but there are different paths and roads you can go down to test,

and try until you can find the solution. The next thing I said to there was another alternative, and I'd actually fire off on all cylinders if I was really committed to this, I would go that first route I just described, and I would test and try to get feedback and data to understand if I'm moving in the right direction and what's resonating and what's not. And then I would also look at who out there in the world has a large public following who has had domestic violence issues that might be an advocate or might be willing to help share this passion and purpose and work collaboratively together because the more people you can link up with that are good and on the same page with you in regards to what your mission and purposes, the more success you're going to have,

right? Two or 200 are better than one. And so you want to build that community, that tribe, that outreach so that you can build a movement. So I asked her, I said, you know, are you reaching out to any larger profile people to see if they could be advocates for you or if you could work in conjunction and collaboration together on this. And she responded back that she had reached out to one celebrity and hadn't her back. Okay, this is Sales 101. Reaching out to one person, making one pitch is never going to be enough, right?

I'm going to multiply that times a thousand. If I want to have some success, it's a numbers game, right? If you reached out to one celebrity, the chances of you getting a yes back are zero, which this example that she gave us proved that case. So you need to multiply that times hundreds, if not a thousand pitches, right? And this is where you need the help and support of others and start eliciting support and asking for help and finding other like-minded people to join in on this with you that share your purpose and passion. So again, the point of this whole story is I get so many messages like this, not about domestic violence in particular,

but people saying I'm starting a business and it's just not taking off or I want to get promoted. And it hasn't happened. The reality is it's so good and so critical to have those goals, have the clear intention, write these things down, revisit them daily, what your dreams are, visualize them happening, speak them into existence and surround yourself with people that are going to hold you accountable and challenge you to grow and can advocate for you and cheer you on, and of course be your own cheerleader during this whole process. But you also have to do the work.

And I think sometimes people just forget about that part. Maybe we don't talk enough about it, but it's hard work. A lot of times people reach out to me and they ask, oh my gosh, I followed your journey. It's super inspiring. Can you share with me how I can break into the top 50 list of keynote speakers? And those are the moments I scratched my head because here's a thing. This is just real-time example. I started speaking publicly on stages when I was 25 years old. That's more than 20 years ago. So I've been putting the reps in on public speaking for 20 years. That's crazy. I mean, that's, I can't even tell you how many speeches I've given thousands across the course of my life. Right. So you've got to do the work. You've got to put the reps in. You've got to take chances. I mean, I almost fell on my face at the Drift Sales and Marketing Conference right before the pandemic when I was interviewing Sarah Blakely live on stage. I was so flipping nervous. My feet were sweating so bad. And my lupaton almost fell off. I almost face planted, and I had to make it into a joke. But the reason why I share that with you is

this hasn't gone seamlessly. I'm constantly pressuring myself and pushing myself to the next level. When I gave my TEDx talk, I almost choked in the warm-ups that morning. I literally, words did not come out of my face. I don't even know how I walked out on the stage that day, but by constantly pushing myself into fear, constantly challenging myself to go to that next level, not knowing what the outcome will be. I never know what the outcome's going to be, but it's about living in that possibility and knowing that if I'm growing, I'm going the right direction, right? And that I just had this faith that I believe in my purpose. I believe in my passion. And I truly believe in myself. Doesn't mean I'm going to kill it every single time. But as long as I move forward with that faith into that unknown and step into that possibility, that's where all the magic really happens. So you've got to put the reps in. You've got to do the work. You've got to do the work. You've got to do. take the chances and you don't go for one pitch, you go for thousands. And when you can start sharing that data back with me, I can promise you this, you'll already have made it. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that

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slash confidence free. Also this week for some reason, I've received a ton of DMs on LinkedIn specifically about people getting fired. And because I've shared my story so many times at nauseam about, this, and I do it because I want people to know they're not alone, and just because you got fired doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. I remember people kind of implied that to me

when I got fired, like, oh my gosh, don't let anyone know. It's super embarrassing. Why? It's not embarrassing. Instead, flip that, right? It's not rejection. It's redirection into something so much bigger. Maybe this is God's plan in motion, not unfolding the way that I plan for because it's so much bigger, it's so much greater, and I would have never found it if I hadn't been fired, if I hadn't had this catalyst into something so exciting, so unknown, and be willing to step into that possibility. So I've received all of these messages this week about people getting fired and people freaking out, right? Which I totally get. I freaked out the first 24 hours, literally crying under a weighted blanket with a bottle of Chardonnay in my hand, flipping out.

lost my mind, panic, panic, panic, panic. But I chose to flip it around and I would challenge you to do this. In my new book, Overcome Your Villains, there's a three-step process to overcome any adversity that you face. And the first step, which is what I put into motion 24 hours after getting fired when I said, okay, pity party's over. I'm not making progress. If I'm going to sit and lay on a couch, drinking shardine, crying forever, that's, you know, not going to work. I said, pump the brakes. Let's do this. Let's boil this belief that, you know, my life is over and I've lost everything down to the most simplistic shred of fact that may be there. And when I boiled it down, I realized I had lost a paycheck. I didn't lose my business acumen.

I didn't lose my network. I didn't lose my expertise. I didn't lose my experience. I didn't lose the opportunities ahead of me. I didn't lose my health. I didn't lose my friendships. I didn't lose anything but a paycheck. And once I distilled it down to that simple truth, It became much more doable, livable, and impossible to move forward. And I was able to get up and then I put a post up on social media. I took action. That's step number two. And I asked for help.

I put a post up saying, hey, I've just been fired. And if I've ever helped you at all in the last couple of decades, I need to hear from you now. That post went viral and landed me on the Elvis Durant show, right? So all of these things that were happening, I had no idea what the outcome would be. I had no idea. I didn't have a clear intention other than I just wanted to move forward back then. It wasn't like I was sitting on the couch saying, I want to be a bestselling author, I want to have a top business podcast, I want to be a phenomenal keynote speaker.

I did not have any of these ideas back then. I just had this idea that I needed to get out of the bubble I was living in. I needed to find out what else existed in the world for me. What could I be meant for? Why am I here? What am I meant to do bigger than what I'm doing now? because where I am doesn't feel good, there's got to be something else out there for me. And really, for me, it was about stepping into that unknown, which for so long for me is what

kept me stuck at the same company and the same role, right, looking like I'm killing it on the outside, but really killing myself on the inside because I wasn't happy. Working side by side was someone who didn't respect me, didn't encourage me, wasn't a champion of mine. And for years, I was beating my head against a wall saying, why am I, have I not been nominated to the board? I keep pitching myself. I'm so obviously the right person for this next move. And then it took me getting fired and a year later landing my first board seat with HealthLink.

And now I'm on a team of people who love me and are my champions and I love working with that I have so much fun with because I'm at a table where people want me to be. I'm not sitting at a table where people secretly don't want me to be. So again, I had no idea about any of this back when it all went down, but getting fired was the biggest blessing and redirection for me and opportunity to step into who I was really meant to be. But you don't know those things in the moment, right? You can only see the dots connect when you look backwards. It's impossible to see it looking forward. You have to move forward in faith.

and find that faith within you. However you can, when you look back across your life and think of other moments or times that you were in these uncertain situations and didn't know what was possible and slowly things started to unfold, grab onto that as proof that this situation or this time, whether it be that, you know, you just ended a relationship or you were fired from a job, or you're trying to start something differently or in a window where you're struggling with your child, maybe that challenge is actually setting you up to teach you a lesson or teach that other person a lesson for growth that's setting you up for so much more success in the future. You just don't know it yet. Right. So just realize you can't see the dots connecting looking forward. You can only see that

looking back. And I'm constantly struggling. Even to this day, gosh, it's crazy how many times I've reinvented myself, how many times I've started over, how many times I've done things people told me I could never do, which I find incredibly entertaining. But, you know, all of this, I still today, at 48 years old, have to challenge myself all the time when I have a lone moment, when I'm discouraged, when I feel like, why did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm so sad or this wasn't the way it was supposed to be, right? When I'm bummed out or I didn't get my way or what I wanted, I have to pump the brakes again

and say, wait a minute, this isn't about being sad. This isn't about feeling bad about things not going the way I wanted. Maybe it's about appreciating this moment and appreciating that when everything is uncertain, anything is possible. And I don't know how these dots are going to connect. And I don't know where this redirection is taking me. But when I look back, it's always taking me to something bigger, better. And God's plan's always going to be better and bigger than mine. I've got to turn it over.

So I've been struggling with this idea of surrender my whole entire life. I am so disciplined this year at mastering this. I don't know if I ever will, but I know if I commit to it, I'm going to keep getting better and better. And that transition will occur more smoothly and gracefully. And hopefully with ease and grace, you know, I'll be able to step into this on the regular, just letting go and let God and let that bigger plan for you, for me, for all of us, because there is something so much bigger out there for us if we're willing to step into that possibility if we're willing to turn it over and surrender and just have faith. So I hope that you have faith today. I know that I do. And I did just get out of church. Oh, and P.S., you guys have sent me

so many messages about my last, a couple of weeks ago, I did a show right after I came out of church, and I got a lot of really good feedback about it. So whenever I can, I'm going to continue to do individual episodes after church so I can share that message with you. For those of you that go to church, it'll be spot on. For those of you that don't, maybe it'll, you know, make you a little bit curious. The church I go to is called V-O-U-V-O-U-S. You can absolutely follow them on Instagram. Pastor Rich is incredible. I mean, they're all incredible, but you can definitely check out their services online too. You can see the same service that I go to. You can see it on the internet. So if you're not in Miami, you can still vibe with me,

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That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. I believe it's the last four weeks. Our lead pastor, Rich, has been doing a collection around daddy issues. And it's so interesting because I'm divorced. and I pretty much have 100% custody of my son. He does not see his father. He sees his father maybe once a week for dinner, but definitely not as much as, you know, he originally had.

So I wondered if this was going to be a tough collection for my son to sit through. Of course, turns out it was way harder for me than it's been for my son, which is if you know my son, that is not shocking. He is an old soul. But it was interesting because today, Pastor Rich was talking about forgiveness and how the most important person in a child's life is the father because they're supposed to provide and protect and provide this safety and be this visionary and lead for a family, you know, speaking their truth and vision for the family and protecting them and caring for them.

And when that piece is missing, you know, there is a lack of stability. Well, cut to, and if you haven't read my books, I'll give you a little insight, you know, my biological father was not in my life. So there, of course, were abandonment issues and a slew of other things, but I won't drag you down with that right now. But for me, in church today, had this really powerful realization that I've never really stopped to forgive my biological father for not being there. So I did that today, which was super emotional and interesting all at the same time. But I do believe that forgiveness is always the way to go. When we don't forgive, we only hurt ourselves. So if there's someone in your life that you're thinking, oh, that person's awful

or I don't want to forgive them, please try. Not for them, but for you. You know, when you take that poison pill, hoping that you're going to be hurting them, you're only hurting and harming you and your loved ones than the people around you, right? So free yourself up. I get that it's a lot of work. Oh my gosh, I've worked on this for a couple of years now around this topic of forgiveness. I've forgiven the woman that fired me. I've forgiven everyone in anyone in my life. And then today, I'd forgotten about my biological father, and I forgave him, too. So back to the collection about, quote, unquote, daddy issues. You know, Pastor Rich was talking about how God is our father and God is the whole father.

Most of us did not have that, you know, amazing father experience here in this life, but God has always been, always loving, always kind, always forgiving, you know, always proud, always welcoming, always there, never leaving, never abandoning, right? So it's this whole concept that even if you didn't have that ideal father, that protection that, you know, providing for, that support, that visionary, that God has always been that. God is our father and has always been there for you. And you are not alone and you never were alone and to start receiving that love, which is such a beautiful, profound message. And my son and I both loved it so much today. So then Pastor Rich got into this whole story about a friend of his who he hadn't been

in touch with in a while, called him the other day and said, hey, I don't know if you've heard. My son was attacked by a shark. We're actually in the hospital in Miami. Would you come by? And he said, yeah, can I bring my kids? And so he brought his two boys with him. And they went to visit this 10-year-old boy who had just had his leg amputated after a shark attack. His father is a pastor as well. And so our pastor got there with his sons, and he said it was just incredible to see their faith and how they saw it as a blessing that he was alive. And they were praising God and praising Jesus that he had been saved. And this 10-year-old boy was just feeling so lucky to be alive and how grateful they all were

and what a beautiful teaching it was for his boys and for everyone to experience this love in the room together, this healing. It was just so – it was such a beautiful story, such a horrible. event. What a scary event for any child or parent or anyone. And then to hear how they saw it as such a beautiful gift and how they chose to receive it and celebrate it. And so the 10-year-old boy was explaining to Pastor Rich that he and his father had been talking and that they had decided that now that his leg had been amputated and he was healing, that he needed a couple weeks of healing and he was going to, you know, do some physical therapy and whatnot. But once, he had clearance, they were going to get in the car and drive back down to the keys and go

exactly to the reef where the attack happened and that his dad and him would jump back in the water and swim where that shark attack occurred because they did not want the fear or the pain from that experience in his past to hold him back for his future. And I just, my gosh, my eyes welled up and I started crying. It was such a beautiful story of the faith this boy has in his father, the courage this father has, that faith they both have in God. And to realize that healing these past traumas might not be easy, it might be scary, it might be hard. It's going to bring about some scars and some moments that are tough to get through. But what you do is you free up your future for what can be when you let go of that pain of the past.

So it was just such a beautiful story, incredible story. I was so grateful to hear this message today. So my son and I walk out and when we're walking to the car, I always say, what did you think about today? You know, what was your favorite message or, you know, what really resonated with you? And my son said, Mom, he has not had a good weekend. I'll just, I'll tell you that. He heard his back in the gym the other day and he's been in physical pain. He hasn't had many, you know, he's broken a leg, broken a tooth here or there from sports in his life.

But, you know, he doesn't, he always feels great every day. We're very blessed and lucky to be healthy. And he said, Mom, I've been complaining all week. because of my back, and I've been saying in my mind, this is like the worst weekend, and he couldn't go out, and, you know, we're moving. And so I'm running around the house like a maniac saying, clean up this and pack this and bra, blah, right? So it's not, like, we're not in his eyes living his best life right now, which is what he likes

to do. When you're in Miami, you want to be going out and living your best life. And he didn't really get to do that this weekend. So he was feeling bad for himself when we got there. And he shared with me, he said, after hearing that message and hearing about that young boy and hearing about how he's going back in the water and hearing about how he's turning this into a blessing. He said, it just made me realize if my biggest issues in life is my back hurts from my workout, I don't have any problems. And I was so grateful to hear him say that. But then for me,

you know, I thought to myself, wow, in my mind, I had been, you know, I was at furniture stores this weekend. Like, I was definitely feeling like, you know, a lot of my friends are away on vacation this weekend. And I didn't go. I wanted to go so bad. But I knew. knew it would be so irresponsible if I went, but instead I needed to do the work to get ready, because we're closing on my condo this Friday and we're moving in a couple of weeks. That's a whole other story that I will share. I'll probably share it with you next week. But anyhow, it all worked out amazing.

It's all working out amazing. But all of this going on, I was kind of in the same mindset. My son was like, oh, this stinks, you know, having to stay in and pack, having to be on the phone with movers, having to interview these different companies, having to go to furniture stores. what a blessing all of those things are, right? What an absolute blessing. And we both walked out of there with this complete perspective shift that, no, we're not having a bad weekend. If these are our biggest problems, we are so incredibly blessed. And I am so grateful. And I'll tell you, it was such a powerful experience today. I hope you had a powerful positive experience today,

something that you can be grateful for. So I got home and I decided to do a post about gratitude and what are you grateful for today? I was asking my community. And this one woman wrote back, oh, my gosh, the sweetest thing. She said something like, I just clean my house, and I'm so grateful that I have a house I get to clean. I just am finishing doing the laundry for my entire family, and I'm feeling so grateful that I have a family that I love that I get to take care of.

And it was so beautiful. It was just, you know, on her own, just this perspective that instead of complaining about doing more laundry or complaining about having, you know, to clean a house, how lucky and grateful we can be instead. So I'm hoping that you can find that gratitude today for whatever it is that you're grateful for. I'm grateful to be alive. I am grateful that I am closing on my house this week. It has been such a work in progress to get here. You have no idea. But like anything, if, you know, the things you want in life are easy, everybody would have them. Sometimes we have to put the work in to get the outcome that we really desire and want. And I can tell you I'm putting

the work in. We are making the sacrifices. We are showing up as the best versions of ourselves today and every day, focusing on gratitude, focusing on all of the good that's out there. I'm grateful that you're here with me today. I want to hear what you're grateful for. So shoot me a DM on LinkedIn at my website, Heather Monaghan.com, on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I'm everywhere. So hoping that this message resonates with you today, it certainly did with me and my son today at church. And for those of you that don't go to church, listen, I am not judging anybody, not in the judgment game. There was plenty of years in my life where I did not go to church and I don't believe in, you know, there's one way for everybody to do things. No, I completely believe

people can have a spiritual relationship with God, never stepping foot in a church or going to church every week, their entire life. I mean, that's you do you. I'm just here to share some ideas, maybe make you a little curious. And if you are curious, check it out, V-O-U-S-Voochurch.com. Incredible church. I'm a huge fan. As you can tell, I'm fan-girling out about my pastor, Rich. She's so cool. Definitely check them out on Instagram. And I just want to say, I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful you're here with me on this crazy journey called life. And the best is yet to come. So shoot me a DM. Share this episode.

If you like this episode, let me know. That's the best way to let me know that you liked it is when you share it. Tag me. I will repost, retag. I'm so grateful for you. No one succeeds alone in this world. And that includes me. Until next week, keep creating your confidence.

You know I will be.