Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #274: How To Turn A Negative Situation Into A Positive One, With Heather!

Episode Date: November 30, 2022

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Dealing with life’s unexpected events  How to secure a YES  Health is the real wealth Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Let me know your word of the year here!  Show Notes:  When life throws unexpected obstacles your way, take it as a redirection not a failure! I had an eye-opening experience this weekend, that made me realize health is the REAL wealth. So, when you’re not feeling your best, keep it real with people because you may be surprised who's willing to help. If you can approach new situations with positivity and understanding, you’ll be WAY happier with the outcome. Remember to keep showing up for your loved ones, and to move through life with kindness, the payoff will be INCREDIBLE! P.S. If you haven't already, listen to The Audacity To Be Queen episode from last year. You will love it!

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited. You're back here with me this week. Okay, so hopefully you had a great holiday week and weekend, and I hope everything went well for you. Mine was an adventure. We'll put it that way. That's my new word. I definitely had that as a word. this whole year, especially around moving after 17 years living in the same place and not knowing where I was going to be moving to. Adventure is a good word to sum up 2022. So going into, and if you listened last week, I shared with you that the family I spent every Thanksgiving with had decided to actually move Thanksgiving to another friend's home. I hadn't seen those friends

in, I don't know, 15 plus years, but I knew them from when I was younger, right? I just hadn't seen them. Whatever I go back home, they're on vacation, they're not there. We just have missed each other. And so anyways, I chose to see it as a big adventure. My son thought I was crazy because he had actually never met them. He's 15 years old. So he thought, this is so weird, we're going to someone's house. I don't even know for Thanksgiving. Anyhow, to make a long story short, it was such an adventure. It was so exciting. And it was so cool because, as I said, these were people I knew growing up. I knew the husband and the wife separately, and I knew the husband's brother, right? So I knew a number of people that were going to be there.

I just hadn't seen them in so long. It was like a mystery, right? Who knows when you haven't seen someone for 15 plus years? Do you reconnect easily? Do you have anything in common? Right? It's kind of wild. But the bottom line is anyone that's opening their home to you and welcoming you into their

home is being generous of spirit and heart and kind. and the fact that they allowed my son to come. And I don't know, to me, that just says all love, nothing but love. So I led that way. I went in that way that this was going to be an incredible time. And it truly was. It was such an adventure. I had so much fun. It went so differently than I had imagined. But it was incredible. And by the end of the day, we were all talking about next year doing the same thing again, because it was literally that fun. Until we got home at the end of the night. And then we were like, where are all the leftovers? We're used to having so much leftover food at my girlfriend's house that that was the only thing that we said, ooh, faux pa, maybe we need to do double Thanksgiving,

so we have food to eat for the rest of the week here. But again, first world problems, super fun. I hope you had fun, and stepped into something, unknowing how it would turn out and willing to take a chance on others, take a chance on an adventure, because it definitely seems to pay. So as I mentioned, it was definitely a roller coaster. What I mean by that is the first night that we got there, and usually every Wednesday before Thanksgiving, there's huge parties around bringing everyone together who hasn't been together. Some of us in years, some of us in a year, some of us just to get together every Wednesday before Thanksgiving. And so it's always one of those amazing nights that get so crazy where you're catching up with people that you don't see during the year. that you know, you typically only see once a year or when you go home. And for me, I only go home

a couple times a year. So it's always super exciting. So many people to see, so many people to catch up with. And it's just, it's a great time to feel surrounded by so much love. And I know a lot of people say to me, how did you stay in touch with all of your friends from home when you live in Florida? And I've been gone from New England since I moved away. I think I was 23 years old when I left, right? And I'm 48 now. So I definitely lived away the majority of my life, but I make it a priority to go home for important events when people need me. If somebody passes away, a wedding, you know, anything big I'm always going back for. And then, you know, the holidays, I always go back for Thanksgiving. And I try to go back one time during the summer.

And it never goes perfectly, right? There's always times where you miss someone or, you know, the plans didn't align properly. It's never ideal how it turns out, but I just believe make the effort, show people you care, show up for those that you care, and they're going to show up for you. And if they don't, they're not your people, right? But you've got to make the effort and show up. And for me, living in Florida has been great because so many people vacation here. And so usually during the year, at least one other time I'll be able to catch up with people

down here when they're in Florida and some of my close friends multiple times a year. So it's been amazing to be able to be able to. to keep those close friendships going for over 30 years from New England. I'm so grateful for it. However, I do not miss the cold. I'm sure you can probably hear my voice right now. I have an awful cold, but I'm so thankful. That's the worst that I got. There was a terrible flu going around in New England while I was there. And luckily, my son and I both got out unscathed and feeling pretty happy for that because people are a lot healthier here in Miami, and there definitely is no big flu going around. So maybe has something to do with the weather. I don't know.

call me crazy. So it was a great trip and we had an amazing Thanksgiving, an amazing night before Thanksgiving. And then some complications arose on Friday and I actually fell and bumped my head, which is something I have not done before. I would not recommend it to others. But it was funny, you know, after a lifetime of living in the snow, cobblestone streets and running around that city and just all of New England in general, in the winter, when you're doing it, you're a custom to it. But when you've lived away for so long, I'm like a rookie now. I have no idea what I'm doing. And of course, my heels only get bigger. People, I mean, people always say to me when they meet me in real life, oh, you always have heels on. The majority of the time I do, I mean, not always, right?

When I travel, I usually wear sneakers or whatever. But when I go out, yeah, I definitely have heels on, regardless of if there's, you know, four inches of snow, ice, or whatever else going on. So I had my giant heels on. Anyways, I ended up fond. hit my head, which I've never done before. And I had this egg on my head, which I thought was pretty normal. You know, I have a son, so I know exactly what it's like to have him fall down, you know, get in basketball issues and incidents, get teeth knocked out. I get it. I'm not someone who isn't familiar with that kind of stuff. So I had an egg on my head, which I thought, okay, that's pretty normal. Here's where the complications game. I went to bed Friday night with an egg on my head.

I woke up Saturday morning and my eye was sealed shut. Okay, red flag. So my friends and I, we all sat and said, okay, this does not seem normal? I mean, does that happen to people? And it's so interesting, here's the thing. When you don't have experience with something, you can get really nervous, right? You can overreact. And maybe we did overreact a little, but we got really nervous as to why would my eye seal shut if I had bumped my head?

That seems a little bizarre. So we all thought, all thought, all let's err on the side of caution. And my good friend said, I will take you and drop you off at the minute clinic clinic. It's basically a little tiny emergency room, you know, ready med type place where you go in, you sit in the waiting for a little bit. You get seen by the doctor and then you're sent on your way. And again, we didn't think it was anything big, but we just thought it probably makes sense to check it out before you get on a flight because you don't want to find out mid-flight that

something's really wrong with your head. you know, that would be a bad decision, right? So she drops me off and she had taken my son and her son to do something else. And so they were out having a fun time all as well. I get dropped off. Now, here's number one. I have very little experience with these minute clinics. Once, maybe 10 years ago, a good friend of mine and her daughter were visiting, they had a fever and we had to go to a minute clinic. So I don't know in 2022 what it's like to go. Again, when you don't have prior experience, you're not knowledgeable, right? And sometimes, I guess I'm naive to that or I don't think about it. Do your research. I wish I had done my research before I left my friend's house that day. Here's why. I get to the minute clinic. I walk in. I have my sunglasses on because my eye was literally swollen shut and I didn't want to freak anybody out. And there was a sign that said to check in, you need to check in online. Okay, that makes sense. You know, it's 2022. Nobody wants to touch any papers, no problem. So I stand there. I check in online.

there's only two people in the waiting room. I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I'll be in and out of here within the hour for sure. That was at 11 in the morning. So right after I sign up on the, you know, text in to sign up online and I complete the sign up, a nurse or someone who works there comes from inside and approaches me and says, hey, listen, you know, we actually just stopped taking walk-ins. We're on pause. We have way too many people. in the queue and we can't accommodate everyone. I'm looking inside like, what is this lady talking about? There's two people waiting. And so I say to her, there's no way you can see one more person. And she says no. And again, I'm at this point in time, my hair is down. I have big black sunglasses on. I have, you know, a cute outfit on. So I look like someone who has it all together from what she can see. And that's when my mind went to sales 101, right? If somebody doesn't have empathy or understand your situation or can't put themselves in your shoes, they're probably not going to go out of their way for you, right? So I understood her conundrum that they were trying to shut down the walk-ins.

However, in my mind, I already walked in and I already signed up. There's got to be an exception to the rule, right? And let's pause for a second and let me take you back to an instance in corporate America that I want to share with you. I will never forget in the 0809 recession, the company that I worked for, I was an executive vice president of sales at the time. And so there was a very small group of us, I think it was six or seven of us, that would meet each month, you know, essentially the highest people in the company that would meet with the CEO to discuss strategy and what we were doing and executing on in each of our divisions. during the recession, everyone unilaterally decided that we had to take a pay cut across the board for every division, every employee. And the CEO even said he was going to do it. And it was significant. I want to say, I don't remember exactly, I think it was 20% or 25. I mean, it was significant from a comp standpoint. And so everyone agreed to do it until one day, I'll never forget,

one of the biggest talents came in and said, no, I'm not doing it. I'll quit. I'll walk out. I don't need the money. And immediately, he didn't have to. And then once he didn't have to, you get my point, right? So there are always exceptions made for people. The same goes for hotels. I'll never forget being in Canada at the NBA All-Star dunk contest with my son. It was like negative 20 degrees outside.

It was horrible. We had never been in cold weather like that. I had a car service picking us up. I couldn't find the car. It was so busy. My phone was dead. My son was little. He must have been six years old at the time.

And we just, I didn't know my way around there and I was really nervous. And I walked right into the Fairmont right next to the arena, knowing that they were going to say they were sold out. And I explained my situation to the head manager. He said, let me see if anyone has not checked in. And they had one room available. And he gave it to me. I mean, I paid for it. But, you know, it's often about asking and explaining your predicament. Right. And when you do that in a relatable fashion, I'm not guaranteeing you someone's going to say yes, but you have a much. much higher probability of getting a yes. Hear how this runs out to and what happens.

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Remember, I mentioned my eye was sealed shut, which is weird. I've never had that experience. I don't know how often this happens to people, but it looks awful. And so suddenly I went from looking normal with big black sunglasses on to not looking normal. Visibly, you can tell something's wrong with me. And I said, listen, I really don't want to be difficult. I understand your predicament, number one, because I wanted her to know, I wasn't trying to give her a hard time.

I honestly wanted to know what her thoughts were about me getting on a plane. I just wanted an expert opinion to basically stamp, okay, you're going to be fine. You carry on. You can get on your plane. You just look weird, which, you know, that is what it is. That's fine. So I take the sunglasses off. I explained to her, listen, I bumped my head yesterday, and it was fine until I woke up

this morning. And now it doesn't seem so fine because my eye looks so strange. Do you think it's okay for me to get on a flight? And that's when she said, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and put you in the queue. You need to be seen. I can't answer that question. And I don't want you leaving here thinking it's okay to get on a flight. So once I explained my predicament, showed her what was going on with me, she had a very different vibe and wanted to help me. Right. So always empty your glass to people if you want them to know that you're struggling, right? You can't hide that. If I still wanted to look really cute and not take the sunglasses off, I would have never been added to that cue. You've got to be willing to expose whatever it is that you're struggling with if you want

someone else to help you. Okay, so she says, go have a seat. Of course, we're all wearing masks. People are coughing like crazy in there. There was massive flu going around. And so I just kind of isolated myself in the corner, sat down, and decided I'm staying off my phone. You never know how long you might be somewhere. So I thought, okay, I've got some time right now. I'm just going to sit and think. And to be completely transparent with you, the first little bit, I was annoyed. I was thinking, oh, my gosh, this is so annoying.

I can't believe we live in a world where, like, isn't there a better system? Right? I start thinking to myself, how can they be more efficient from a business perspective? How could this work more efficiently? However, what I learned during this process, because I was listening, now I'm sitting in the waiting room. there's a couple other people. The phone's ringing. People are coming in and trying to be added to the queue. She's rejecting them, which, you know, she had initially done with me as well. And I'm hearing conversations transpire from the people walking in and the woman at the front desk. And they were not all good, right?

So here's what I learned. The system's broken, number one. And I don't know if this goes for all ready clinics, but definitely the one that I was in. Somehow people knew, I didn't know this, to log in online first. And that's definitely the case. So if you or a guest at your home ever gets hurt and wants to go to one of these minute clinics, go online first. You can add yourself to the wait list from home and they text you to come in. Okay, that was a smart move, right? That's what I wish I had done. We didn't know. So again, you don't know, but it just is what it is. So live and learn. I should have done my research at the house that morning before I got dropped off. So it's very much a digital situation. And to get in the queue, you have to be on the list, which the easiest, fastest way to do that is from your home,

from your phone or computer. Okay, I had not done that, and we were in the mix. We are waiting. So now about an hour goes by, and I'm seeing a lot of people are coming in, and mostly their walk-ins like I had been. Most people just don't know that you're supposed to go online, or one guy had literally severed part of his hand, and he's like, I need emergency help. She still couldn't put him in, I don't know the rules or why that is, but she couldn't put

him in ahead of the other people that were already in the queue because they had already been text message or, you know, I'm not sure the particulars. But I mean, this guy had a severe issue. So once I saw him come in and saw how serious his problems were, suddenly I started feeling so grateful for my ugly swollen eye, right? Because I knew in the end I'm going to be okay. I just didn't know if it was okay to take a flight. But I knew I was okay. And this poor guy, I didn't know if he was going to be okay, right? You can't be bleeding out with a cut hand for too long. That's serious. And so more people would come in, children with high fevers, a lot of flu cases. And then some people were really distraught and started arguing with this woman. And I will tell you,

every single person, no matter who they were or what predicament they were facing, when they argued with her, she shut down immediately. She was always very professional. She never raised her voice. they raised their voice at her, sadly. And every time they took that approach, they lost. She kicked them out. However, there were two other people that came in similar to me in that they approached her with kindness, understanding, empathy. They did not try to fight with her. They simply asked for help, explain their situation, and she put two more people in the queue.

Nothing else had changed. So the reason I wanted to bring this to your attention is negativity will never deliver a positive outcome. It just doesn't. Right? You are guaranteed a negative outcome if you approach things from a negative place. It's just fact. And forget karma and everything else that it will come back to you. I'm just talking about in the moment, right? So whether you're trying to catch a flight and you're late and you start yelling at the flight attendant, eh, not going to work, right? Not the approach to take or the example I gave at the hotel. I didn't demand a room. I simply let him see my little son and how cold he was. And I I asked for his help, and I gave him the story behind the scenes. We'd never been there before.

We weren't prepared for this level of weather. My phone had died. I didn't have friends there. We were alone. And if there was any way he could help us get a room, I'd be so appreciative. So, you know, approaching people in a rough and vile manner does not pay. And it ends up, I sat there until five o'clock that night in the waiting room watching these interchanges with people coming in and fighting with our people. coming in and being kind to her and watching the people in the waiting room. And what happened during those first couple of hours is I went from being annoyed to feeling so deeply grateful for my first world problems, feeling so deeply grateful that I have health insurance. There was one woman that came and she didn't have health insurance. She couldn't get in anywhere to, no one wanted

to see her. It was heartbreaking. So not only was their system broken with this cue and not communicating effectively to people online or, you know, through their location that they don't take walk-ins at certain times or what the right process and procedure is, that was completely broken and needs to be revamped. And I wish the CEO of that company would go and sit in one of those waiting rooms and understand firsthand what it was like. He would have fixed that problem immediately, right? So no matter where you are in your business, whatever your quote-unquote waiting room is, spend a little bit of time there and take it in. Go boss under-class. cover and see what it's really like because it's incredibly eye-opening. Now, I will say the staff

was incredible. The people working there never raised their voice. We're always kind. We're in great moods. They didn't let the negativity affect them. But I think it would be eye-opening for many of us to see that quote-unquote waiting room of our business and how it probably can be improved, how we can communicate better, how we can be more efficient, more helpful, and get the right information out there ahead of time. And how we can fix some of these awful situations, like this woman who did not have health insurance being denied help. That was one of the most disappointing moments of the day for me, was to see that in real time and watch her walk out and not knowing where she was going to go to get help.

It was really disturbing. And then that was just disturbing to me in a more global level of how can we be in the year 2022 and not allow people to get medical help when they need it. That's heartbreaking to me. So I felt incredibly grateful for my swollen eye and incredibly grateful to be able to sit there, that I was allowed to sit there in the queue. I missed my flight, obviously, because I was sitting there so long. But again, these were first world problems because I'm able to rebook.

And, you know, I have my friends where there watching my son. And, you know, my situation was not ideal. It wasn't what I planned for, but it certainly is livable. right? And I just, I felt so much gratitude different than I had on Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving, I felt grateful for old friends. I felt grateful for best friends. I felt grateful for family and all of the goodness around me. But in this moment, I was feeling so grateful for my health. I was feeling so grateful for having insurance. I was feeling so grateful for the ability to sit there and reflect on it in a really challenging moment. Because I promise you, there was a lot of yelling going on. It was tense.

there was a lot of coughing and sneezing and people getting sick. And just, I forgot what that's like. I've lived in a really, I don't want to say just healthy place, but I don't really get sick very often. A lot of people here don't, you know, we're in a really ideal climate. And just to kind of immerse myself in a place where just people are sick, it was so eye-opening to me that health is the real wealth and don't take it for granted. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts.

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i think now this was like 530 at night and so nice and joking around and you know laughing with me and basically told me, hey, there's nothing you can do. When you hit your head, sometimes you break blood vessels, that blood has to go somewhere. It's drained into your eye. It will drain out of your eye eventually. It will move out of there on its own. He said, basically, there's nothing we can do but ice and take Motrin. And he said, you're fine. It was no big deal. And especially perspectives, everything, this man was sitting there, you know, treating people with much more serious problems than mine. And so I think that's why it was kind of funny to him. And so, I think that's why it was kind of funny to him that, you know, I had an eye that was sealed shut. So he told me, you know, just keep

icing, take Motrin every six hours, and you're going to be just fine. And you can go home. And so it was funny that night I went back to my friend's house because I had missed my flight and I sat with the ice on my eye for maybe on and off, you know, for an hour or two. And suddenly my eye opened. And it was just one of those moments where you're like, oh, I guess I probably never really needed to sit there all day to day and go to the doctor. But, you know, in hindsight, I'm glad I did. It really gave me such appreciation for health and gave me such appreciation for all the basic things we have in a really deep and different way. And my perspective shifted incredibly in that, yeah, I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything all day. I was

bummed out that I missed my flight and, you know, all these other, you know, not really important issues. But it gave me just such a deep feeling of gratitude. And I just wanted to share that with you day, no matter where you are, just think about your health, think about how lucky you are, and know that there's always someone else out there with a much worse challenge than what we're facing. And when you think about it from that perspective, all you can really feel is gratitude. So that's how I was feeling, again, bummed out that this system is so broken, not just for that one operation, but also for healthcare in general and just disappointing that it's something that needs to be fixed and definitely something that is much more important to me now that I saw it

firsthand in regards to who I vote for and what happens moving forward. Everybody should be able to have their basic needs met, meaning if somebody's in trouble and they're having a health issue, we need people to help them. And it was just really sad to see that people were being turned away. Okay, so not to bring you down, but hopefully, hoping that that message of gratitude resonates with you and asking you what you're grateful for today. I would love to hear from you. You can always find me on all social media at Heather Monaghan or at Heather Monaghan.com and shoot me a note. I'd love to hear what you're thankful for this year. Okay. So then one, my girlfriend that I was staying with was asking me what my word of the year was

for 2022 and what my word would be for 2023, which is a really cool exercise. And it was For 2022, I'd kind of shifted gears and decided I wanted to do things differently. And stepping into my feminine power was something important to me. And a lot of people don't understand this. So I want to explain quickly. And you can go back. I did a podcast episode about this at the beginning of the year. It's the audacity to be queen episode.

And, you know, for a long time, having come up through corporate, I always wanted to appear tough and harsh and strong and ice cold because there's no crying at work and, you know, being seen as female can be negative and you want to bust through the glass ceiling and to do that, you've got to be tougher than nails. And so I lived that way for a really long time. But what I realized was the aura I was giving off is that I can take care of anything. I truly do believe I can, but I don't always want to have to, right? You want to be able to rely on other people. You want people to help take care of you. You want people to support you. You want people to encourage you. I don't always want to do that just for

everybody else, but you want it to give and to receive. And for a long time, I had forgotten to receive. So stepping into my feminine power was a big thing for me. And that was, I guess, really the word for me was femininity or, you know, being feminine for 2022. And again, I always wear dresses. I always wear high heels. My hair is down. So people were confused the first time I said that and explained it. And I would just want you to understand, it's more about how I'm showing up, not how I look is what I mean, but receiving and allowing to be supported and taking care of and not just giving. Okay. So that was 2022. And so as we sat and talked about 2003, I decided that my word for 2023 is going to be faith and stepping into faith over fear,

faith, oh, faith over everything, you know, and just believing that as I keep showing up as that best version myself, as I keep doing that next right. thing and stay open to receiving messages from God. You might call it universe. You may say, Jesus, whoever it is for you, that those right messages are going to come for you, those doors that are no longer meant for you, are going to close, and those right doors are going to open and just to keep taking that next step forward in faith. And for me, that's my word. So for 2023, I want to know what is your word? And if you shoot it to me, I'd love to hear, again at Heather Monahan on all social media or at Heather Monaghan.com. Now, I know I was snoozing on Black

Friday and Cyber Monday, so I thought I need to show up and offer everybody something. So for anyone who hasn't bought my book Confidence Creator or Overcome Your Villains yet, if you do today, now, go to Overcomeyourvillans.com, go in and enter your order number and you're immediately going to receive the free PDF workbook from Overcome Your Villains, which will help you or whoever you want to gift it to to get started on their biggest and best plans for 2023. It's such a helpful handbook that goes along, this workbook is side by side with either of the two books because it's all about getting to that next level and pushing yourself, holding yourself accountable, and going for more. I think you're going to love it. I wanted to give you back something. I'm so appreciative

that you're here each week with me. Hopefully, either one of my books will be great for you or a great gift for someone that you love this holiday season. And P.S., last I checked, Overcome Your Villains is on a major deal right now on Amazon. It's almost half price. The regular hardcover book, I think, is $28, and right now it's on sale for 16. So there's some great sale prices going on for both of my books online. As always, if you like the podcast, you're going to love the audio version. Get the Audible, especially with Overcome Your Villains. I give it behind the scenes after each chapter. I narrate both books.

I think you're going to love it. And right now, Audible has tons of free credits that's giving you. I just went into my account today. I have nine free credits. I can get nine free books. So if you got the free credits, go in and grab the Audible version of Confidence Creator and overcome your villains. I know you're going to love it.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence. And if you haven't yet, make sure to subscribe, leave a review. And when you share and tag me in your post, I repost and reshare what I'll. ever you put up. Until next week, keep creating your confidence.