Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #290: The Key To Bouncing Back After Being Laid Off, With Heather!

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to recover from bad news Going into new experiences with confidence   Which sacrifices are worth it  Living life without limits  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Everything in your life happens for a reason! Stop feeling the need to explain yourself when you’re doing what’s BEST for you. Listen to yourself and go all in! I promise you won’t regret it. I want anyone who was laid off recently to know, you are NOT alone, and things will be okay! Sometimes the most unexpected event can become the BEST thing to ever happen to us. 

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I have a couple of questions that came in one through LinkedIn and the other one through Instagram DMs. I wanted to go ahead and answer these first. And then I wanted to get into a little conversation. between you and me about the layoffs that I've been hearing about going on and how the steps that I took when I got fired that I want to suggest an offer to you and to anyone you know that may

have been fired recently because getting fired is a punch in the gut. And you know what? It doesn't even have to be getting fired, right? Like you could be getting divorced, be going through a heartbreak. You could, you know, a dream that you had didn't come to fruition can be some kind of a loss, right? All right. So we're going to get into that in a minute. But first, I wanted to start up my first question. Hey, Heather, hope this message finds you well. It does. Thank you. I've been listening to your book Confidence Creator. Yeah. And I really enjoyed the connections you make, linking back through your experiences. As a 40-year-old, I feel I've missed out on a lot of opportunities to push myself because I'm concerned about rejections or disappointments. I hear you.

I finally decided last year to take the leap and finish my bachelor's degree. Good for you. while I'm thriving, but I still lack confidence in many areas of my life. Totally normal. Same thing. Do you like that I'm giving you commentary, by the way, as I read this? I can't help myself. Something that has always bothered me is the way that I speak. I feel like I lack a strong vocabulary and big words. Do you have any tips to strengthen my ability to speak and build my vocabulary? I think this holds me back in my work life because I'm concerned about wording something wrong and looking stupid. Okay. Let me just tell you this. Number one, simplicity is key. Brevity is a superpower. Far too often, people go on and on and try to use the biggest, you know, three-cent word they can find in their vocabulary to impress others. That's because they are insecure. Fact. Right. So keeping things simple, I got a great piece of advice when I was younger. Heather, if you can't simplify something so that you can share information in the same conversation that can reach and communicate effectively to a 90-year-old and a 9-year-old at the same time, you don't understand your material. That's profound and

smart, and it's not about trying to impress people. It's trying to communicate information in a way everyone can receive it. People are busy in today's society, and the focus is always on themselves. So often in our heads, we think people are wrapped up in what we're saying and what we're doing. They're not. They care how you make them feel, right? That's something they notice. They care about your energy. If you have good intention, if you're teaching them something or helping them with something, solve a problem. Yeah, then they're going to care. But they really don't care the words that you choose. What they care most is that they understand what you're saying, that it isn't complex and hard to understand. So I'd start there, right? So you're perfect as you are. That's number one, what I'd say.

And if you're around people that are going to judge you because you didn't use a bigger word, those are insecure people, and those are not your people, fire those people. Right. So that's where I would start. Now, I also don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to get better, right? Like I go through nine million different phases of my life where I'm like, oh, I want to get better at this, or right now I'm wanting to run again. And so I'm all about like, how can I heal my Achilles and studying it?

And I'm buying infrared lights and going to the chiropractor and trying all these different things. to get better at something that's important to me. So I do, I'm here to commend you and appreciate that you do want to expand your vocabulary and, you know, advance yourself, you know, in the English language. Great. I think that's awesome. However, you don't need to do it and don't let that hold you back today from having a conversation in business or pushing yourself to the next level. That is a cop out. I'm calling you out on it. Okay. But, okay, as you move forward, this is something you want to continue to work on and build. Let's do it. Let's set a specific example. The best way. Well, there's a couple of really good ways to expand your vocabulary. I take it to my child, right? As a parent, I sat with flashcards for a long time with my son when he was learning, you know, in English class in elementary school, they would learn different words and they had to learn what sentence can I use this in and how does it apply. And we would sit with flashcards. And I would write an example on the back of how it could be used in a sentence and he would have to sit and play with the flashcards. That is a great way to learn new words, right? So, gosh, this is a good way to use chat GPT also, which is one of the new AI programs that's

really incredible. You could go type in commonly use words or you could transcribe a conversation that you have by giving it to chat GPT and then ask chat GPT where you could use better words or different words, what other options you could have. That's a great, you know what, I'm really happy with this answer that I just keep you. Chat GPT, check it out. It doesn't cost anything. and that's going to give you some different options.

The other thing is, as I mentioned, you literally go to Google and type in a word that you use off and say, use a thesaurus. That's going to show you other words that you can use instead of that word, right? So you're just going to put the work in. None of this is hard.

It's very simple, but it's going to take time. Okay, the other way to expand your vocabulary, this is my favorite reading. I literally read almost one book a week. I do that because I'm interviewing people for the podcast. and I just firmly believe that if I am consuming their content ahead of time, I'm going to give you a better show. But what it's done, I've been doing this podcast now for three years, is not only has it taught me so much about different topics and themes I never would have been diving into in my life ever. For example, I just had a doctor on about perfectionism.

That's something I would never study or read about because I'm not a perfectionist. However, she thinks everyone's a perfectionist, which was that led for a very interesting conversation because I disliked. agreed with her, but I read the book, right? Like, you've got to read the book. So reading will expand your vocabulary so quickly and teach you so many cool and different things. Of course, I think you should start with my first two books, which the person that asked this question is. So you're already reading, which I'm super proud of you for, but there's so many books. Like, it doesn't have to be an English language book. It can be any book because you're just going to immerse yourself in somebody else's different language and learn words that they use and see what you like and what you,

you know, take notes. And when you write things down, it's going to help you remember and give yourself a challenge each week to use a new word every day. Right. Like, there's so many fun ways you could do it with your kids, with your spouse. You could put a word of the day on the fridge. And each morning, everybody tries to use that word. There's so many cool, fun ways to do this. I'm proud of you that you want to find a way to step up your vocabulary and grow, but I'll be most proud of you for going for taking the initiative to jump into the conversations with or without the new vocabulary. Okay, so that is one question that came in. Now, let's get to the second one.

Okay, so this may sound strange, but I am in a busy season as a mom right now. And I often wonder how you balance being an influential speaker with being a mom after all the hustle that you put into your career. I've always had side gigs from blogging and podcasting to writing. I left teaching last February to take a job as an IT specialist. I left that position and now I'm in sales. It's not my dream job, but it offers me flexibility, which is great. And that allows me to be more present with my kids and volunteer at school. I know that I am made for more. Yes. And I can see myself speaking someday. Yes, already having the vision. Yes. But right now I just feel more pulled towards the fact that my kids are only young once.

Do you ever feel torn between the two worlds? Oh my gosh. Of course. If anyone says they don't, they're lying, right? There is no perfect solution. My neighbor has a tremendous, as a single parent has a tremendous amount of help with his children. And I notice it, listen, not everybody is in a situation. I'm not where I'm, you know, a multimillionaire sitting on so much cash that I have a private driver and a private chef and a private this and a private that. I don't have that, right? So I have plenty of times where I'm flying to, New York next week, and I should be staying over, but I'm going to make it really hard on myself and fly up on first thing in the morning and fly back last flight at night because I don't

have someone to stay with my son, right? So I want to make it work, and I don't want to put him out in it and make him have to stay away from home. So lots of times there's going to be sacrifices that you're going to make that aren't ideal. But now here I am with a 15-year-old son. I've made countless sacrifices for my child through my life. And I'm grateful for them now that he's 15, and I can look at his life and say, I love who he has become and is becoming. And I'm so proud of the choices that I've made. They haven't all been easy. And, you know, there's a story I've told many times that I was away on a weekend

for my old work trip back when I was in the radio business. And I was gone for the weekend for a work trip. And my son got injured in a game and didn't have a parent at the game. But what happened was another mother stepped in and helped my son and sat with him and held him and got him help. And he learned this amazing experience that day that there's more than just your mother and father you can rely on. There's a network of great people in the world. And when you need help, you raise your hand and ask and people will show up for you. And that was this beautiful experience. It didn't feel beautiful in the moment when I got like the 911

text message that your son's been hurt. He's on the field and we don't know if his legs broken, right? And literally my son has broke teeth, nose, arms, feet, legs. Like this guy gets injured all the time because he goes full blast in all sports. And there's plenty of times I haven't been there. And there's plenty of times I've been there. And then I'm annoyed that I'm sitting in an ER till midnight when he has school in the morning. I have work and work. It's never perfect. But just showing up and doing the best you can. The best advice I'd give around balance, especially with kids, is if your heart tugging on you and saying that this is the time that's important for your kids, then this is the time that's important for your kids. I remember during 2020 when the pandemic hit, my son's dog drowned. My son was depressed. Like, there's no doubt about it. It was the worst time I've ever seen him go through. No sports,

isolation, you know, no friends, stuck in our two-bedroom condo and grieving the loss of someone so important in his life, I literally put life on pause and I enveloped that kid. I was with him 24-7. And if we were not talking or, you know, setting up an appointment with him to speak to a specialist, we were watching funny shows together. We were working on projects together. I mean, I really walked away from my life for a window of time because I knew he needed me omnipresent in his life. Now, conversely, there's many times I've gone all in on work. And, you know, I had an incredible babysitter for a few years.

She was going college, and she literally would come to my home every single day. She'd pick my son up from school, bring him home, get him something to eat, get him to practice. She would get the laundry started. She would sit with him while I did home. I mean, she was like my makeshift doppelganger so that I could be all in at work and not worry about how my son was doing. And the bond those two have to this day is incredible. But I had to find that great right person that could step in and help me. and he was doing well at that time, and their relationship was thriving, and he loved being with her,

and it worked. Right. So there's going to be moments in time where you're really needed, and your heart's going to tell you and trust yourself, you're going to know and show up for those times. And there's some of the other times where you're going to say, you know what, this is a chance for my child to become more independent and rely on other people, and I'm excited about that. I'm excited for him to make friendships and bonds and trust others and know there's more people than just one that's going to help you and support you in life if you're willing to ask

and look for that help. So I hope that helps you. But if your heart's telling you that right now is the time they need you, go all in. You will never regret that choice. And journal, so you can reflect back and see what a bomb parent you are and feel really proud of the job that you're doing because I am proud of you. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered,

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Google laid off 10,000 people. Amazon laid off 12,000. people, Microsoft laid off 10,000 people, Twitter laid off thousands of people. It's just every day a different technology company is putting in some big layoffs. Here's the thing. Getting fired, getting laid off is really scary when it happens to you. The reality is you can't connect the dots looking forward. You don't know what lays ahead of you. And share this episode with someone if you know that they've been laid off or they're scared about losing their job. Because here's the thing. Five years ago, I was fired unexpectedly when the CEO that I had worked for, for 14 years became ill and overnight replaced himself with his daughter, my arched nemesis.

She hated me, threatened by me, whatever it was. She fired me immediately. I had no idea how I was going to pay my bills. I had no idea how I was going to pay for my mortgage, which, p.S., I sold that home and now, and renting this year. Like, I never saw any of the stuff coming that's in my life right now, because you can't connect the dots looking forward. You don't know what's possible until you step into the uncertainty. And the beautiful thing about uncertainty is when everything seems uncertain, anything is possible. And I know how hard that is to hear when you're in it, because I remember the first 24 hours when I got fired, I was under a weighted blanket, bombing Chardonnay, crying my eyes out, feeling so bad for myself, which is totally normal.

I think that's normal. Right. Of course you're going to be upset and shocked and angry and pointing fingers outward, right? Normal. Totally normal. However, by the second day, I remember thinking, okay, this isn't helpful. Hello, Heather. This is not helping you. You know, I need to take a step outside of me for a minute and coach myself and say, I said to myself, this isn't helpful. This isn't fixing anything. Yeah, I feel bad and I'm heartbroken, but that's not going to bring money into my life to pay for my son and I. That's not going to help me. I've got to do something to help me. So what I did was I raised my hand. I posted on social media. Hey, I've just been fired. And I'm just been fired. And if I've ever done anything to help you, I need to hear from you now.

That post went viral and landed me on the Elvis Duran show. Now, I get it. A lot of people are going to say, well, I don't want to post about it. You do you. You don't have to post about it. But you need to take some action to start creating momentum to propel you forward. Sitting on the couch forever is not going to solve your problem. I promise you that.

You don't need to make the same decisions I made, but you need to take action. And this goes back to my three-step process in my book, Overcome Your Villains, Beliefs, Action, and Knowledge. Number one, distill your beliefs down to the most simplistic shred of fact. When I distilled my beliefs down, when I got fired, at first I was saying, I've lost everything. And then I realized, I lost one thing, a paycheck, and I know how to replace that. I had been a paper boy. I had been someone who waited tables at restaurants. I had been a bartender.

I had been in sales. I had been sales in the wine business. I had been sales in the radio business. Then I had been a sales leader. Then I had been a VP of sales. Then I had been an equity partner. I had found paychecks across my entire life. Wait a minute. I lost a paycheck. I'm going to figure out a way to replace that. And so will you. Right. So distilled that belief down. Number two, take action immediately. That's when I posted about getting fired. You don't need to do that, but you need to do something. Take action. That action step landed me on the Elvis Duran show. I never saw that opportunity coming. It's because I stepped into fear that Martin Luther King quote I love, you know, take a step even when you can't see the whole staircase. That's what it was about for me, being courageous enough to take the step. And it was scary. And I jumped on a plane. I invested in myself. I jumped on a plane and I walked into that studio, having no idea what I would say on the Elvis Durant show or why I was even doing it other than I knew I needed to get into a new arena with different people. I knew I needed to

reach beyond what I was, the bubble I was currently living in. And this scene. like maybe a bridge play to get me there. And it was. Halfway through that interview, Elvis looked at me and spoke a truth and a belief and a conviction into me that I was writing a book. But I wasn't because I'd always held onto this story that my sister was a smart one and that I was the sales one, right? That I was in the sales leadership lane. And that's where I succeeded and that's where I belonged. But that day, Elvis Durand spoke a truth and a conviction and a belief and a confidence into me that I decided to grab hold of and run with. And I want to speak a truth and a conviction into you. You can blow up the lanes in your life. You don't need to live with others limitations

or stereotypes or labels or lanes. And you can start living your life lanelessly. Just because you've always been in the aviation business doesn't mean you are limited to the aviation business. Drop the labels, hand back the self-limiting beliefs, blow up the lanes and start showing up as the best version of you wherever you intend to go. I live my life lainlessly now. And what that means is I can do anything. I can go test and try anything. I can create products. I can launch my podcast. First, I only did interviews with other people. Now I do solo episodes. That's new right the past year. I want to live my life without lanes, without limits, without labels, testing and trying and letting the data tell me what's working and what's not working and respond to that. Figure out what problems you can

solve for other people and you're going to find revenue streams. Pick your head up outside of your bubble, your industry, your circle and see where you can apply your skills and talent that you never even thought of trying. Remind yourself what it was you'd love to do when you were a kid and start stepping into that now. Test and try things. Lean into the unknown and you'll begin to figure out what you're meant to do. It certainly worked that way for me. So I jumped on a plane leaving Elvis Duran and I googled, how do you write a book? I had no idea how to write a book. I had no idea how to write a and it basically said you have to sit down and write. It's very simple. Maybe not easy, but very simple. And so I was disciplined and I sat down and I wrote every day. And then I decided to invest in myself again.

And I hired someone that was light years ahead of me, an editor. I decided to take direction and guidance from someone who had been where I wanted to go. And equally as important, never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're intending to go. My family, I shared with them right before my book was launching a digital version of my book. And my sister told me I was going to get sued. And my mom told me not to write the book. And I made a really good decision. I called my editor back. And I told him, oh, my gosh, my sister thinks I'm going to get sued. My mom said I can't write the book. It's too revealing about our childhood. And I shouldn't be bringing up the past experiences. And he said to me, Heather, how many books has your parents written, your family written?

I said, none. He said, how many books have I written? I said, 19. He said, who do you think you should take advice from on this topic. I said, probably you. He said, do you think that anyone's ever told me of my 19 books that I shouldn't write one of them? I said, I have no idea. And he said, all the time. People always want to give you their limiting beliefs trying to protect you out of their fears. That's about them, not about you. He said, in P.S., you can get sued for anything. Rip the Band-Aid off. We're launching the book. And we did. And one week later, Confidence Creator in May of 2018, I'm so proud of this, trumped Donald Trump for number one. one on the business biography list the first week it came out. I didn't know if I was going to sell

one book when I launched that book. I sold so many books and changed so many people's lives and go read the reviews of that book. I mean, there's reviews on Amazon, on Audible, on Goodreads. There's reviews everywhere in that book. That book has done incredibly well. Competence creator, I personally like the Audible version of us. But read what people say and see what can happen if you're willing to step into the possibility and the opportunity of the unknown. I had no idea what was going to happen. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Tachiatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Tachiatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive

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time to understand what's going on, build a personalized treatment plan, and can prescribe medication when it's right for you. Your care stays consistent and evidence-based. Head to tachiatry.com slash confidence and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. So then I figured out, okay, I've got to sell books. Sales is something I know, that's the superpower of mine. Yay, I'm going to step into something I know, but I don't know how to sell books necessarily because I hadn't done that before. Well, I'll start out as a beginner, and I'll teach myself how to do that too, just like I taught myself how to sell back when I was 21 years old

and I started selling wine for the Gallo winery, right? I didn't start out as an expert. I figured it out, and I can figure this out too, and so can you. The key is to start. So I remember I started cold calling companies and saying, hey, I'll come in and speak for free for your company if you buy 500 books. And so people would say, yes, hey, I can help you with confidence in the workplace, innovation in the workplace. If you buy 500 of my books, I'll come in and speak for you and your team. And so I started doing that first all over South Florida. And then one day someone answered the call and said, sure, what's your speaker fee? And I googled speaker fees. And I saw that day that Gary Vaynerchuk made $350,000 a speech for a 60-minute speech.

And that's when I shifted gears and said, maybe I need to lean into the speaking business. So I Google the speaking business. And I found out that there were speaker bureaus and speaker agents that book people for speeches. And they're the ones that could make this happen quickly for me. So I never take a note from someone who can't give you a yes, first and foremost. And so I was calling the CEOs and presidents of all the speaker bureaus,

because I wanted them to feature me. I put myself in their shoes and I thought, why would they want to add someone like me? And so I came up with a pitch and I reached out to one of the big speaker bureaus, got on the phone with the president of the company and said, listen, you don't have a lot of former C-suite executives that are female on your roster. I'm different. I can add value and separate you from your competition offering a unicorn solution. Most people don't have former C-suite executives that are female. And he said, you know what, I have one. I think I have enough, come back to me when you're unique, when you're different. And thanks for the call. He was very nice. But it gave me a challenge. Literally within 24 hours is when my book Trump,

Donald Trump, on the Amazon business biography list, I took that screenshot and I emailed it back to him. And I said, I just became unique. No one on your roster has trumped the president for number one on the business biography list. And he wrote back, touchet. You're right. Okay, you got it. I gave you my word. you are unique. I'm going to put you up. And he put me up on his roster. And when I tell you, Bill Clinton is on his roster. Like, it's the most incredible list of keynote speakers. And there was my face, my mug right in between all these people, literally overnight. And so I took that screenshot and I sent that screenshot of me with all these incredible speakers to all of the other speaker bureaus. And when the competitors saw that I was already, I had made it, right? Quote, unquote. I hadn't been booked or made any

money off of it yet, but I was featured with these other people. They saw me in a different way. They perceived me in a different light, and they all added me. And now I'm basically with all the speaker bureaus across the country and have been booked all across the U.S. for Amazon, Google, Verizon, I mean, the biggest companies in the U.S. Harvard, right? I've spoken for everybody and internationally, too. I've spoken in India, Australia. I mean, it's insane. what's happened in Canada for me over the last five years. But it's all about stepping into that uncertainty. It's all about stepping into that unknown.

I ended up getting named top 20 female keynote speaker in 2020 and top 50 keynote speaker for the world in 2022. Had no idea. Either one of those accolades were going to happen had no idea. I was going to end up signing with Harper Collins leadership and writing my second book over come your villains. That was a whole other disaster in motion where I pitched my potential agent for over a year and a half. And she told me no, 14 times. And I rewrote a book proposal 15 times and spent a fortune investing myself and in the man that helped me write the proposal thousands and thousands of

dollars because I believed there was something there. And I believed in that uncertainty and that unknown because I had just gone through it with my first book, Confidence Creator. And eventually, on the 15th proposal, my agent said yes, she signed me, and we went to market and went to 15 different publishing houses with Overcome Your Villains, and right then the pandemic hit. And that slowed everything down. And suddenly there was no paper, and suddenly nobody wanted to print hardbacks, and everything became an argument in a fight. And that's when I signed with HarperCollins leadership. And I was so grateful, but there were still going to be more struggles ahead. They didn't want to print a hard copy version and I had to sell them on why I should get a

hard copy. And the irony is I just looked on Amazon. There's one hardcover left. I could cry. It makes me so happy, which means they're going to have to run another print of Overcomer villains. The book they didn't want to put into hardcover because they said hard covers weren't selling. Our book just sold out. And the other ironic thing is there's six copies of competence creator hardcover left right now on Amazon. That one sold out too. So you just never know what's going to happen. And the key is to step into the uncertainty. And P.S., I've had countless things fall apart and fail. I'm constantly being told no. I launched a clothing line with Perry Ellis International back in 2018 when I first got fired, and that failed. I was working on a skincare line with a skincare

company, and that never came to market because that fell apart and failed. I have been back and forth with QVC five different times on different product lines. I'm trying to bring to market to partner with them. I have been told no five times by then. I was just told no yet again last week. But here's the thing. The key is not to give up. I don't know if any one of these will come to fruition, but I do know that I trust, I trust to myself, I trust in the universe, I trust in God, that those right doors will be open for me and the wrong ones will be closed. And I have faith that I am guided by something. much bigger than me. And when you trust in that, you just keep going and you get excited every day to get up, not knowing what that day has ahead of you. That is so incredible. That is so exciting.

And that gives me so much hope. And I hope it gives you hope, too, that when one door closes, sometimes that's the biggest gift of your life. Sometimes you're meant for so much more, but you're hanging on to something that you've outgrown, that you move beyond. Like that old job for me, I had so moved beyond that and I was so ready to take that leap, but I wasn't able to do it until I was pushed out the window. Sometimes you need that push. So if you are going through a hard time, if you did just get out of a relationship, if you did just lose a job, if something that you were hoping for fell apart, maybe see it as the biggest blessing in your life. I look back on a couple of different relationships in my life that at the time I thought, this is devastating.

I can't believe everything fell apart and it didn't work out. And I realize now it's because I was meant for more. that that was not serving me any longer. I had outgrown that situation. And you've got to be willing to let go of that what is so that you can go for that what could be when you are ready to make that leap. So hopefully this helps you. If you know someone that has been fired or is concerned about getting fired, please share this episode with them. Also, if you like the episode, share it. Tag me on social media. That's how I know you want more content like this. If you have questions, DM me. Go to my website, Heather Monaghan.com. Send me a note. I promise you all answer your questions. I create this content for you, and there would be no show without you. No one succeeds alone. And that includes your girl right here. Until next week, I hope you keep creating your confidence. Confidence is created in the action steps we take, or it's chipped away when we don't take them. So take this as a challenge today for you to go out and go for more because you are worth it.