Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #300: Overcome WHATEVER Is Thrown Your Way, With Heather!

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Tips for managing and handling any kind of stressful situation that’s thrown your way!    The KEY to responding to our triggers instead of reacting to them  Letting go of our expectations and control so we can ENJOY the moment  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Use promo code CONFIDENCE for 15% off sitewide at https://justthrivehealth.com/discount/Confidence  Show Notes:  I haven’t been this stressed in A WHILE! It’s time to go back to the basics, and check in with our daily routines and make sure we’re meeting all of our needs. Things can change REALLY quickly! Remember to give yourself grace to adjust. It’s time to start speaking up for ourselves and begin prioritizing our needs above all else!  

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so today, something that is major, top of mind for me, is the idea that things can change so fast, right?

Really, really fast. And sometimes that's good. Sometimes that's not so good. So let me give you a couple of examples of what's been happening lately. So I have gotten to a place in my life where I feel like I'm doing a lot better handling stress, managing stress. I know my triggers, right? I know how to spend my time, how to take care of myself so that I don't react to triggers instead I respond. That's 99% of the time.

I still have my moments, my friends. Okay, so here's my low moment. The other day, well, it's interesting, and this is something to be mindful of, too. I remember when I was younger, I would always say this to my shrink. Why does it seem like my personal life falls apart at the same time my work life falls apart, right? That's when stuff gets really hard hard, is when it's all the things happening at one time. And she would always laugh and say, yeah, you're fine managing it when you go through a hard bit at work. When your personal life's okay, your health is well, you're sleeping well, you're like, okay, I can take this on. But when it seems like everything in your world is hitting the fan at the same time. It's a lot harder. However, sometimes that's life, right? Who knows what the reason is, what lesson you're going to learn? We don't know that yet. You can't connect the dots looking forward. We have to wait to connect them looking back, and we eventually will be able to do that. However, I want to have some compassion and empathy for you in those moments when it feels like kind of everything is going south, because it does feel really overwhelming. And I had a little overwhelming day in the past,

week that I want to share with you that I really was not at my finest, definitely was triggered a F like I have not been in a really long time. Like I haven't been this stressed in, oh my gosh, a while, a long, long while. I don't even remember exactly when, but it's been a while. My son noticed it. I definitely noticed it. I was crying. Right. I'm not, if I watch a sad movie, I cry. For sure. If I watch a sad commercial sometimes, I cry. But I'm not someone who just sits around crying about my life. That's not how I roll on a standard day, right? I'm definitely more the person that is like, okay, bring it on. Let's go. Giddy up everybody. We got a challenge. Let's find a solution. I was not operating like that this week. And there's, there can always be a lot of

reasons for that, right? So your health, super important. Are you doing the things? Are you working out? Are you meditating. Are you getting a massage, getting acupuncture, spending time with the people you love? Are you spending time in nature? Like, whatever your things are, I don't know. That's up to you to figure out. But I mean, I know what my things are. And if I'm maybe not spending as much time doing those things and then challenges come up, it's going to be 10 times harder to deal with them. So that takes me back to I need to go back to basics, go back to, am I drinking enough water, am I sleeping? What time am I going to bed? where is my routine at right now, right? What am I eating? What am I putting in my body? How am I moving my body during the day? What thoughts are in my mind? You know, thoughts aren't always truths.

I need to manage that. What should I be reading? What content should I be asking? Who am I spending time with? All of these things impact you in major ways. However, so if you're doing a decent job of that, right, that's always something you can lean into and tighten up on during these tough times. And I highly suggest it. That's what I'm doing for myself. Although, I had three bad nights of sleep back to back, and obviously I'm not at my best when that happens. And of course, that's when something hit the fan for me. So in my personal life, I don't want to get in, I need to protect people here, but in my personal life, I had an interesting situation, which was not ideal, and left me feeling like really, really bummed out, right? Like, just not ideal situation.

And I was just feeling, like, disappointed. You know how you have those moments where you're like, gosh, why is this happening to me right now? Like, this is not the way it's supposed to be. I'm a nice person. I'm a loving person. I'm a kind person. Like, why aren't things kind of going my way right now? Anyhow, I was having one of those moments after an interesting situation that I was not

excited about. Part of the problem was that I will start here. When I have super high expectations going into a situation, for whatever reason, right? It happens to all of us. Sometimes you can feel really discouraged when things don't turn out the way that you anticipated. So it's about tempering expectations, right? I know that.

But I'd already entered into it, and I had really high expectations, and I was very disappointed, which left me feeling really discouraged and down, like, which happens? That happens to everybody. Simultaneously, I'm on no sleep, and then I get a legal notice that I'm being sued. Right? So this all happens within 24 hours. So it just kind of felt like, oh, my personal life was nowhere near. I was like feeling bad for myself. I was discouraged, not feeling optimistic or excited or coming from

like a really good place, which typically I think I do. But I had not been sleeping so I physically wasn't feeling great. And then boom, I had a business nightmare thrown or thrust upon me out of nowhere. Here's the thing. Things can change so incredibly fast. And I want to encourage you no matter where you are, whether it be on your personal journey, your health journey, your romantic life, your business life, whatever it may be, maybe it's challenges with your children. I don't know, we're all facing challenges at one time or another. But what is so interesting and what is difficult to grab hold of in those moments? Truly, there's a number of things that we can do to change to potentially manage the situation and change it. But there's also things that can happen outside of

us, unbeknownst to us, that can change a situation dramatically. I mean, dramatically, there's also things that we can do, like ask for help or, you know, and tap different people in our lives to see if they can help change the situation. But bottom line, there is always something we can do, but sometimes the answer is not in what we're going to do, but what might be happening in the universe around us. Don't lose sight of that, right? I want you to be hopeful because you just don't know what's possible. And I believe the more we live in that uncertainty of what is possible, I don't know what's

possible, but I turned it over to my higher power, to God, to the universe for whatever is for the greater good and knowing that this will all come together at some point in the future for me, but letting go of it, not trying to control it, and allowing for it can produce some great results. Now, okay, first of all, I'll start here. I've been sued a number of times in business. Oh my gosh, so many times. I don't even know how many. Which is somewhat part for the course. If you are leading a large company, which I did for 14 years, We're sued all the time, and we have line items budgeted for this every month, every quarter. We have a team of lawyers that are full-time on staff, right?

So you anticipate that that's going to happen. Cut to, in the last five years, I work for myself. So I don't, I'm not doing business at the scale of $200 million, which I was before with thousands of employees, right? It's much smaller scale. So, of course, larger revenues, larger teams, larger problems. I don't anticipate those now that I have such a small company. cut to anyone can sue anyone for anything at any time. Anyhow, I have this person who's suing me based upon a deal that I did a few months ago. And it's so interesting because there's no factual

basis to the claim whatsoever. However, when I saw the letter, especially coming on the heels of not sleeping that disappointment in my personal life and just kind of feeling like, bah, nothing is going my way, poor me, I'm crying in my soup, then opening up this legal certified letter really sent me into, let's just put it this way, a downward spiral. And the funny thing was, my son saw me and immediately knew something was wrong. And he said, what's going on with something's wrong with you? You know, I don't have much of a poker face. I have no choice but to be honest my entire life because my face has never been informed when I'm trying to not let someone know what's going on. So I just had to tell him, listen, I'm not having the best 24 hours right now. However, I know it will

pass. I don't know exactly what's going to change it, but I know something well, but I'm also being sued, which is a little intense. I need to have a meeting with a lawyer. I need to call a few different people and ask for help, and I need to get some advice and direction and take some actions. Please give me some space right now. Like, I had to ask for what I needed, and it was funny. He said, okay, but I'm not sure where positive Pamela is. Why don't you bring her back? And that made me laugh because typically I'm the one lecturing everyone on, all right, let's look at the positive opportunity here. There's always another way to see it. But this was a moment I needed someone to, you know, give me better counsel because I wasn't processing things the way that I could or should

because I was in the journey. You know, people always say like, you got to enjoy the journey. Guess what? Sometimes the journey sucks. And I'm here to tell you that. Sometimes the journey just sucks. And I was in one of those moments. I'm on no sleep. I'm dealing with some personal disappointment, and I get hit with a major business punch in the face, unexpected and unfounded. So not the greatest day. And just because you don't have a great day doesn't mean you don't have a great life, right?

And I'm sitting here today. Not everything has changed, but I feel much better about my life and about myself, more importantly, and managing these hard moments and hard journeys because we really all have the potential to do that if we give ourselves some grace and remember the steps we need to take to change things.

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However, here's the reality. Anyone can sue you for anything, whenever they want. And oftentimes, that's a strategy larger companies use to bully other people or attempt to bully other people, because if you, if your knowledge base isn't in the law system or in other cases around, you know, something similar, you might be intimidated. You might be scared. You might say, can we settle? I don't want to have to deal with this. And people are hoping for and anticipating that they can bully others into that. Luckily, because I've been sued so many times, I know that there's If I did not do something wrong, if I operated with honesty and did everything I was supposed to do, I'm going to fight for that. I'm not rolling over for anyone. Because I also still believe in my heart of hearts that people see a single woman and they want to try to bully them. They think that it could be something that I might crumble. And I'm not only going to stand up for myself, but I'm going to stand up for all women in those situations and say, oh, no, my friend, you have tapped the wrong woman because I am not rolling over for you when you are the one and the wrong, not me. So luckily, I had great people in my circle that I was able to tap. And this is why it's so important to do business with ethical people that you trust, that you rely on, that you have a good relationship with, and those are the people that I'm working with. So I'm grateful, grateful for that.

If you ever have one of those red flag moments, do not do business with these people, like something's wrong. Listen to your gut. Listen to your intuition. Trust yourself. Do business with people that you trust like and know and respect and have a good feeling. around. I even look back at when I was in corporate America and that woman that hated me, I had a horrible feeling around her all the time, forever. That's how I always felt around her. I should have trusted my intuition and said, if I feel like this next to a key employee that's

supposed to be my peer, maybe I want to start looking at different opportunities in the world. This might not be the table I should be sitting at forever if I'm not feeling comfortable, being myself, and feeling like the people here support me. So stop in your life right now. Ask yourself that question. And if you are doing business with or sitting at a table with people, who don't have your back and don't support you, get up and find another table. There are plenty of other tables out there. Speaking from mad experience on this one. Okay, so all this is going on, I'm in a tizzy, spiraling out of control.

I had lost positive Pamela. I had become Debbie Downer. And this was like a 24-hour window. But one of the things that I did, I ended up, I never do this. I canceled two meetings that I had because I literally did not feel well physically. that's how upset I had worked myself into this whole tizzy. And so I canceled two meetings and I decided to go for a run outside. I live in the most beautiful place in Miami, right? And we have palm trees and ocean all around us. And for me, there's nothing that's going to make me feel better than to be out in fresh air exercising in such a beautiful place. And Miami's incredible. And I'm always grateful for that. So I know if I'm in trouble mentally get myself moving physically and I can change. the dynamic quickly. Add to that hip hop music and forget it. It's lights out, game over, Monahan is back. So I went for a run and an hour later I was feeling so much better. I was much

more calm. And then I decided, you know what, I'm a lot more calm, but I know I need to sleep and I know if I get acupuncture, that's one way to help my body calm down. So I called made an acupuncture appointment, went to acupuncture. And I know, listen, this was like I completely changed my day, but I knew I'm not helping anybody. I'm not serving myself, my child, my podcast, my company, my business, my clients, or anyone else, for that matter, if I'm going to be in a downward spiral and, you know, in a complete tizzy, feeling bad for myself, feeling discouraged and upset. Instead, if I can get to a place of peace, maybe not joy, but at least peace, knowing that, you know, ultimately the world, the world is good, the universe

has my back. I have an amazing child. I have an amazing life. I am so blessed and lucky. Right, if I can get back to that base level mentality, things are going to end up working out for me. They always do. They always have and they always will. And that's the same for you, right? But we just have to get out of that negative mindset. So anyways, I did the things that should pull me out of it. It worked. I got home. My son was here and, you know, we had dinner. And I said, why don't we watch a movie and go to bed early tonight? Because mom really needs some sleep. We watch. We watch. the cutest movie and I was just in such better spirits. And again, my life hadn't changed, right? Everything wasn't resolved by a long shot. However, I just felt so much more hopeful and at

the same time, proud of myself that, okay, I wasn't able to fix everything. There's plenty of problems still right in my face. The journey's sucking right now, but I feel so much better and more hopeful about my outcome. The best is yet to come. I know that. I know that's my truth. I know it's a truth for you, too, if you embrace it. And I just decided to allow for it. I don't know what's going to happen outside of me. I don't know if this person that's trying to assume he is going to realize what a knucklehead he is when he gets a letter back for my attorney pointing out that, hello, read the original documents. Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous. Maybe he's just going to throw his hands up and run away. But you know what? I know that I do that next right thing. I know I turn it

over. I know I keep showing up as the best version of myself. And, get back to that place of peace, maybe not positive Pamela today, but definitely from a place of peace and hope. And things are going to end up working out. So I hope that you can approach whatever challenge you're having in your life today in that same way. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Tachiatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Tachiatry is 100% online practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more.

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slash confidence to get matched in minutes. So I will tell you, you know, I like to look back at my own experiences where the journey has sucked, right? So I'll give you an example that I look to, and I want you to pick some out of your life, your career so that when things do hit the fan for you, they hit the fan for everybody once in a while, you have something to look back on and say, oh, yeah, this part of my journey sucked. But now that I look back and connect the dots, it led me to blah, blah, blah, changed my life and made it incredible and allowed me to find my passion and my purpose. That's getting fired for me. That part of my journey sucked. Oh my gosh, nine million times worse than this

situation I'm dealing with right now, right? This is so isolated and this two shall pass. And I know that. But when I got fired, I remember thinking 18 month non-compete, what am I going to do for 18 months? Oh my gosh. I was freaking out. And it was just, I couldn't figure out how this was working to my benefit or however would. And it so did. It led me to my purpose, my passion, doing the work that I love that I'm excited to do every day, getting messages from you and reviews. And it's so exciting. So, and definitely, I would have never guessed that if somebody had told me that. And I'm sure people probably did tell me that back in the beginning, like you're going to find what you're meant to do. Actually, I know people told me that.

I didn't believe it because I was big Debbie Downer. But give yourself some grace. And one of the ways to do that is to look back on other times in your life where you thought it was bleak and over and had no idea how you were going to figure it all out, but you eventually did, right? And that goes back to faith and having that faith and knowing that something good will come out of this. There will be a lesson, a learning, a teaching, an opportunity if you just start showing up, putting yourself first, taking care of yourself, trusting that things will improve, controlling and managing the things that you can and letting go of the things that you can't and also being hopeful that maybe something outside of you will work towards your favor

and turn this challenge into a gift, which is what I'm always hoping for. Okay, so one of those stories for me is when I graduated college, I went right into the wine business. I became the number one seller within the first year and got promoted to a brand manager for the state. I was the youngest manager. and everyone thought I had that promotion because I was a girl. There's very few women in the company. I mean, I think there was three out of 100 guys. And so heavily male-dominated industry.

And so, yeah, there's some benefit to being a woman, right? Because you're the unicorn, you stand out. But there's a lot of negative that comes with it as well, especially this is, you know, gosh, 20-something years ago. So anyhow, I got promoted, and then right after I got promoted, I changed the person I reported to. is now reporting to the president of the company who started sexually harassing me immediately. My first boss was awesome. We're still friends.

I loved him so much. He was incredible. He created such boundaries with me, taught me respect, how to be punctual. He's incredible, just an incredible human being. And interesting enough, when his daughter was graduating school and he wanted to help her find a job,

he called me, and she actually works from my social media company now, which is so funny, and she's doing an incredible job. Good people, roll with good people. But anyhow, so I made this, you know, pivot into this management position, started reporting to a guy who was treating me horribly, horrifically. Literally, I couldn't sleep at night. It was so bad. Anyhow, I ended up quitting because back then nobody was, you know, saying, oh, I'm getting sexually harassed at work.

That just wasn't, you couldn't tell people that because they would tell you that if you told, you're going to never get another job again. And that was my fear. I was operating out of fear, not out of faith. So I quit the job, nowhere to go, didn't know what I was going to do. I was living with my boyfriend at the time. And I just knew take action, take massive action quickly. So he had an event going on like the next day. I said, I'm going.

I just want to meet people. I show up. I'm just chatting everyone up. I meet a guy that owns a bunch of radio stations. Chat him up. He says, you need to work for me. I say, you can't afford me. And he says, how much?

And I said, 80 grand. And he goes, done. Start tomorrow. And I left so much money on the table. Little did I know the guy was worth millions. but this is pre-Google, so cut me some slack. Anyhow, it ends up that this horrible situation that I was in in the wine business led me to finding serendipitously the media business,

which I would have never found otherwise, which I ended up becoming an equity partner. He and I bought a company for $25 million, sold it for $55 million in under three years. That put my name on the map as a revenue generator in corporate America. That landed me the VP of sales position, then EVP, then Chief Revenue Officer, then I was named most influential women in radio.

I mean, a series of incredible events over a 20-year career that then when I was fired, I was able to start over and write all about those experiences and how I made it from an account executive to a chief revenue officer and how anyone else can find ways to build confidence within themselves, accelerate their career, get to that next level, and push forward for more. So, yeah, looking back, all the dots connect. Looking back, yeah, the journey sucked plenty of times. I mean, there's plenty of times the journey was up.

amazing epic. And I, oh my gosh, I can't tell you how much fun I've had in my life. It's been really fun. But there's a lot of low moments too. But I use and leverage those low moments now to give me more resilience for today. So yes, today I'm dealing, well, not as much today, but yesterday I was dealing with this Debbie Downer, couldn't find positive Pamela, as my son said. and I was living in as like negative headspace because of this relationship situation and then with this situation with the lawsuit. But I took action. I controlled the things I could, right? I got my body moving. I went outside. I gave myself grace. I remembered other times in my career where things seemed horrible, but they passed. And they led to beautiful things and beautiful opportunity that I

could have never foreseen because you can't connect the docs looking forward. You only connect them looking back. So wherever you are in your challenge or your journey right now, no, there are things you can do today to improve them for you and get you out of Debbie Downer and get you back to positive Pamela, which will help immensely. And maybe for today, just start with giving yourself grace and peace and trying to find that piece and get a good night to sleep and drink enough water and do that next right thing. Spend time with someone tonight you love with, like cancel a meeting, whatever you have to do. But then cut to you today, I didn't cancel my meeting. And it was a meeting that was pretty far away. I live in Miami. The traffic is horrible. And to go north for

meetings, I've just decided from now when I'm taking the bright line, it's a train that bypasses all traffic, which is incredible to me because the traffic here has become so bad. It stresses me out. And I am the person that wants to do whatever I can to, like, not have to put additional stress on myself. So it ends up being this amazing day for me taking this train, which I actually now enjoy taking so much. And I got to have this business lunch with this woman who I had never met in real life before. We had so much in common. We are so similar. We helped and complimented one another in ways I could have never imagined, and it's never come to fruition like that over the computer. We've done Zooms. We talked on the phone. We've text. We've emailed. But it never helped as much as it did today

sitting together and having lunch for a couple of hours. Literally, she gave me a million-dollar idea, which she said was so glaringly obvious to her. However, it never was to me. And when She explained it to me immediately I got it, and I thought, oh, I'm so grateful for you. So just don't undervalue the perspective somebody else might be. Sometimes other people see that golden goose egg that you have sitting in front of you that you don't see. So open yourself up to meeting new people, going for the meeting, even though it's two hours away, right? Like, show up and put yourself out there, expand your network. Does it always work out?

Nope, doesn't. But you know what? I can guarantee this. It'll never work out if you don't show up. sometimes. So lean in, take the chance, expand the network, a goal for more, you never know who you can meet. And I'm so grateful that our relationship just intensified in such a positive way. And it was interesting. Her, I always ask everyone, how can I help you? How can I support you? Right. I mean, that's, we want to give as much as anyone or more than anyone's giving to us.

And when I asked her that, she said, I don't mean, would you ever walk me through how you landed an agent and how you got a book deal? And I said, yeah, that's so easy. P.S. I wrote about that in my second book, Overcome Your Villains. It's so interesting that sometimes people just don't know what they don't know. There's so much information out there in the world that they just sometimes glaze over or miss it. And so I was able to walk her through the exact steps. I'm able to make connections for her. I'm able to make introductions for her. I'm able to share so much of what I did so she can duplicate it, very similar in a way that she's doing for me.

So there are great people out there that you have not met yet. There are people out there in the world that are going to love you that you don't even know yet. And that is pretty exciting. So I hope that if you are in one of these moments in time right now where you're in a negative Debbie Downer headspace, that may be giving yourself some grace, controlling the things that you can control, letting go of the things that you can't,

looking back on your journey and other moments where the journey sucked and realizing that you got through that and you're going to get through this too, I hope that gives you some type of peace, hopefully a good night's sleep, so that we can get right back up tomorrow and get after it again. So if this episode helped you at all, if you liked it all, please share it with someone you know and love or share it on social. It helps so much. And whenever you do,

I will always repost, think, and support you any way I can. If you haven't left a review yet, please do. And please, if you haven't gotten the audible version of Confidence Creator and overcome your villains, what are you waiting for? Your girl narrates both of them. You're going to love it. They're both so good. Read the reviews. They're incredible. I'm so flipping proud. And I also know they will totally help you in your journey. Keep on journeying, whatever that looks like today. Even if the journey may suck, know that this two shall pass. And the best is yet to come. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. Come on this journey with me.