Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #302: Why This Is The Day That Changed EVERYTHING For Me, With Heather!

Episode Date: March 8, 2023

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How your vulnerability can bring you MORE opportunities in life  Why there’s so much POWER in sharing your truth   The magic lightning in a bottle email that shifted everything!   Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Go to nutrafol.com and save $15 off by using code CONFIDENCE Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now. Use promo code CONFIDENCE for 15% off sitewide at justthrivehealth.com/discount/Confidence  Show Notes:  Did you know that International Women’s Day is a super important day for me? Our life can be FULL of surprises, and I truly had no clue how this day would forever change me. I’ll share what this day means to me, and how YOU can be more supportive of the women in your life. Remember, opportunities are around every corner and being your true self is how you bring them in! 

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so this episode is coming out on International Women's Day. And I want to tell you why that is an important day in my career.

So cut to back, gosh, how long ago is it now? I guess six years ago, I was a chief revenue officer of a media company. And on International Women's Day, I'll never forget, I woke up that morning and I was sent some article from some outlet. I read a lot of articles like Forbes, Inc, whatever, you know, just trying to learn different things. Anyhow, I see this article, and it was about International Women's Day. And so I go down the rabbit hole, you know, researching it. And And I just thought to myself, you know, wow, I've never done anything as a female leader of this company with thousands of female employees that work with me for years. I've never acknowledged International Women's Day. I've never done anything about it. That's kind of crappy, right? So I decided, okay, now is the time. This is the day, you know, I got this article. I've got to do something about it.

So I just, you know, took action. And I didn't have some big strategy or anything, but I just decided to send an email to all my female employees. You know, I didn't send it to any men because it was about International Women's Day. I just sent it to the women. So basically what the email said was something like this. It was like, hey, I can't believe after 14 years I've never acknowledged this day. You know, as a chief revenue officer of your company, I want us to get to know each other and see each other in a different way today. I'm sorry that it took me so long to acknowledge the importance of each and every one of us and the trials and tribulations that we go through.

So I basically reintroduced myself, right? And I kind of said something like, I want to reintroduce myself to you. While you see me on the outside as Heather Monaghan, maybe you don't know. I'm also a single mother. Maybe you don't know that I have a lot of struggles going on right now. Like, how are we going to bring the quarter in? Like, how am I going to get this huge deal close? You know, all these crazy struggles that I have going on in my professional life as well as in my

personal life. I touched on both. And then I put I also struggle with how I look and when I gain weight when I travel too much and don't sleep enough. You know, I went like, I went real. It was totally real. And I had never. The funny thing is back in corporate America, I definitely had more of a facade.

I was not so real and vulnerable. I mean, you know, after years of working with people and going to events. and whatnot. Some people did get to know me in a more real way, but not, like, globally. That wasn't like my outward-facing look was, you know, totally vulnerable and real, which now I live such a different life, and I believe the most vulnerable person wins. And I want you to remember that. The more vulnerable you can be in your life, the more you're going to attract the right opportunities, the right people, the more love and joy you're going to feel, and the more you're going to connect to your purpose and passion, the most vulnerable person wins.

And I'm working every day on being the most vulnerable that I can. Okay, so because that's really just being real. So to that end, okay, so I send this email out and having no clue what kind of response I'd get, or if I'd get any, right? Because crickets could come back. I don't know. I hate crickets, but, you know, you just, you take a risk like that. You don't know.

It was kind of out of character versus how they saw me. I was always asking for reporting and numbers. And here I am reintroducing myself to them in the most. most vulnerable way I've ever done. And then I ask them, hey, I'd love to hear back from you. I'd love to hear what challenges you're facing, you know, what you're up against. And P.S., if you have any ideas to help me overcome the challenges I'm facing, I'd love to hear those too. Like, I'm here for it. It was something like that. And then I just said, happy International Women's Day. I hope you celebrate you today. And if there's anything I can do to help you today or

any day, please let me know. I thought it was nice, right? I just, I don't know. I just, I knew I felt compelled to do something. You know what's funny is now that I look back, man, that was coming from a higher purpose because wait so you hear the domino effect of what happened after I sent that email. And I never anticipated it. Well, the email went out. And to everyone in my team in the sales division that was female. So immediately, I started getting so many responses back. So many people started replying all, right, to all of these people. And sharing. And and sharing such intimate things and vulnerable things and challenges and all so real and so good. And I was crying, reading these responses and I felt so grateful.

And it was like one of these moments where I just said, wow, I don't need to show up and put this tough face on and put the Navy Blues pantsuit on and, you know, get everyone to think I'm so hard. I'd be a lot more connected to my people and really know what was going on if I would be more real. And so that truly that day changed my life in such a big way. It gets bigger. Hang on. Hang on for it. So amazing responses. And literally my email, I think, shut down that deal.

It was like da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right? So hundreds and hundreds of responses came through. Incredible answers. People offering to help one another. It was so cool. There was so much camaraderie, so much support. So many people going through the same challenges, same problems.

And so many people sharing really personal things and feeling, connected for the first time at work in this venue. And it was just, oh, it was so incredible. So anyway, while this is all going on, I shot a note to the president of the company, who was my boss, a man at that point in time, and I sent him a note and said, oh, my gosh, this is out of control. You can't imagine the beast that was just unleashed in our team. Literally, people are so happy to be working here right now. This is like there's a camaraderie and a connection I've never seen before. It's incredible. It truly is like nothing I'd ever seen before.

So I shared some of it with him. He was blown away. He said, this is literally lightning in a bottle. I'll never forget that that's what he called it. He called it the lightning in a bottle email. And it really was, and it was like magic. And I felt so grateful. Anyways, so he was like cheering me on.

He was so proud of me for doing it. And, you know, he was just, he got some messages from people saying that they were so excited that this initiative to bring women together in the company had been. started some of the women in my team went and started a Facebook page where everyone could get to get. Like, it just went other level. Okay. And then these challenges started happening. It was so cool. It had a mind of its own, right? It just went off. And it was all good, like all positive, all supportive, all beautiful. Or so I thought. So this is interesting. Even when you have great intentions, right? Others might not always feel your intentions the way that you

do or others can be threatened by you, right? And others can not want you to shine your light and not want you to do new and innovative and different things. And when that happens, you are at the wrong table, in the wrong room, at the wrong place. And for me, I don't know why I didn't realize that. I should have got up and walked out of there when this happened, but I didn't. So let me break it down for you. So while my boss was super happy and happened to be male and was a champion for the whole initiative and super excited about it, the CFO, who was a female at the time, was not happy about it. And so she contacted General Counsel, and they set up a call for me, essentially to reprimand me and threaten me that I had to shut this initiative down and never do anything like this again,

and that I was being sexist by not including men. Basically, they were looking for a reason to come after me. And I'll tell you, it is such a bummer when you're trying to do something positive and good and meaningful and you get great feedback and you see your touching and helping and supporting people and like there's breakthroughs happening and you see connection and you just see like this is what it's all about this is like we are making culture happen now this is so exciting and then all of a sudden you get shut down so immediately I fought back I said no I'm not shutting this down you know I had worked that company for 14 years I never thought I'd be fired from it. You know, I did a really, really good job for them, driving share price and revenues and

retaining talent and attracting talent. And anyhow, I stood up for myself. I said, no, this is a positive initiative. This is about benefiting, supporting, connecting, and uniting team. This strengthens our company. This strengthens culture. I am not shutting this down. So anyways, it became a war, truly a war. And P.S., I didn't even work for this lady at the time. I end up working for for her because she gets promoted to CEO. Spoiler alert, she's the one that fires me. But anyhow, it really got ugly. So I had to drag my boss into it, who happened to be her brother. And I basically said, listen, you need to shut her down, not shut me down. You know this initiative is lightning in a bottle, that it's great for culture, that it's, you know, positive

and uplifting and connecting. And that our goal is just to be good and do good and help others. and I am not letting her shut, you know, shut this down. And so at first he agreed with me. And so he went to bat and, you know, went after the GC and the CFO and said, no, back off Heather, let her do this. You know, people are so excited. His daughter actually was one of the people on my team. And she had reached out to him and was so excited and felt a part of something and felt

seen. And, you know, it was like this great thing. Anyhow, within a couple of days, he comes back to me and says, I tried. this is out of control from a legal standpoint. It was just all BS, right? You know, just trying to, just trying to cause trouble to shut me down. And so he comes back to me a couple days later and he says, it's official you have to shut it down. That's it. You're going to get a letter from the attorney today. That's it. And, you know, it's black and white. It's crystal clear. And there's no alternative. Oh my gosh. When something like that happens, I felt so devastated, right? Because I felt like I was like on the cusp of something

great happening and building momentum and seeing change. And then all of a sudden it stopped. And it was just so deflating, but not only for me, for everybody, right? Because while I had done this initiative and I felt so proud of it, it had touched thousands of women in my company. And they were so happy to be a part of it. And then suddenly it was taken away. That did not go well. During that time, you know, it's so interesting is I ended up getting a call from one of the female leaders in in a North Carolina market that we had, and she called me and she said, listen, I want to let you know what's going on. I've been really unhappy. This email that you sent out kind of opened up the opportunity for me to speak to you about it. I want to tell you why. And she told me that her talents

weren't being used in a way that was maximizing, you know, her skill set and that she was pigeonholed into one area and she didn't want to be. And I had never known that. No one had ever told me that that worked with her every day. And she had never told me that. She thought everyone knew. And of course, you know, we assume people know what we want or what we're good at, but that definitely is not always the case. So once she made it clear to me, you know, how we could better support her and position her, we made the changes and put her in the right spot. And she was so happy. So the point is that this email had legs for days, right? Like there was all this amazing fallout happening that was all for the benefit of the company, all for the benefit of the employees, just all for good, all for

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I was pissed and not feeling really excited about work because I knew I was shut down because somebody else didn't want me leading an initiative that they didn't think of or whatever. Who knows? Again, not my people. overcome your villains bounce out of there. P.S., if you haven't read Overcome Your Villains yet, what are you waiting for? It's so good. Yeah, we just sold out, by the way. We just sold

out of hardcover books and a new print run had to be initiated. And same with Confidence Creator, confidence creator, just sold out too. So check out both those books. They're amazing. I'm so, so proud of them. So this was just devastating to me and to my team, and everyone was kind of just walking around, bummed out. Well, I thought to myself, I can't let this just stop here. Because I've seen something. Like, God, the universe is showing you signs, right? And I knew there was something there. I don't know exactly what it is.

I didn't know what it would become. But I know it couldn't just die. That was wrong. So that's what made me decide, you know what? I'm going to launch my own website. I'm going to launch my own initiative outside of work where this lady can't shut me down because I had seen it was like a litmus test. I could see the potential and the need and the want for community and support.

Okay. so interesting now to look back on all this, by the way. And it's so hard, you can't connect the dots in the moment. You can only connect it looking back. And back then, I had no clue what my life was going to look like over the next few years. Gosh, it's so crazy. Super exciting, very crazy, and much like a roller coaster, but I'm grateful for it. So I ends up, I launch my own website. Then I launch all my social media channels, make them all public. And the GC and the CFO, come after me again. And what killed me was I had talked to my boss about it, and he agreed. He's like, well, this is outside of work. There's nothing they can do about outside of work. Nope, they tried to

shut me down. So they sent me a legal letter saying that I was confusing people as a chief revenue officer of a publicly traded company by launching an initiative on my personal assets, and that that's very confusing to everyone and bad for business. Oh my gosh. I literally can't make this stuff up. Having a personal brand is bad for business. She was completely. completely wrong. It was actually great for her business, but she didn't understand that at the time. P.S. Back then, the stock was trading at $12. Today, I think it trades at a dollar. Okay, just fact check. We are sticking with the facts, people. Okay. So I engage in a legal battle now with the company I work for, literally trying to defend that I launched a website and took my social media channels public in an effort to unify people and share knowledge that I had. Hello, how is that bad? Okay, so the next year was horrible. I mean, it was constant battles and not just, listen, there's battles at work every day, right? Like, you're dealing with difficult clients, you're losing huge deals, you're going after business. You know, your

flights delayed, cancel, you miss a meeting, whatever craziness is going on in your life. There's going to be battles, but this was within the company I worked for. They were attacking me, and it was horrible. I started losing my hair. I wasn't sleeping. It was just, a mess, not good. And all those issues were signs telling me I needed to leave that company. I still wouldn't listen. I finally threw my back out. I was a disaster, physically and mentally a disaster, crying all the time, just so upset, just like struggling. It was just awful. So that is when the CEO that I'd worked for for 14 years became ill. He elevated his daughter to replace him, the CFO, the one that hated me. And

Pretty much immediately she fired me, right? Pretty much, she wanted me to close one huge deal that was worth millions of dollars, and I did close it, and then she fired me the next day. Spoiler alert, right? Heather, get a few more extra million in before you go. So what's interesting and why I want to share that story today about International Women's Day is I had no idea the domino effect that one email was going to have, but I just took the chance to send it.

I didn't know if anyone would read it, if anyone would reply. to it, it was so out of character for me. But to this day, it just reminds me, take the chance, show up as that most vulnerable you, because when you do that, you really start a chain of events in motion that you don't know where they're connecting to, where they're taking you. But as long as you keep showing up for the next event or situation or circumstance as that most vulnerable you, it's going to take you to where you're actually meant to be. And I was not in the right place, even though I was so scared to leave. I had an 18-month non-compete, non-solicit, which meant I had to leave the industry I was an expert in and start over as a beginner somewhere. And that idea scared me to death.

Instead, today, I like to see when everything's uncertain, anything is possible, right? That's total opportunity. Oh my gosh, so exciting. I can't wait to go for it and see what happens. But I wasn't thinking like that. I was just in panic mode because I had done one thing for so long that I had convinced myself that was all I was good at. I'd convinced myself, maybe I'm so successful because of the company. Maybe I'm so successful because of the industry. Maybe I'm so successful because of my team. Everything outside of me I was giving credit to,

instead of saying maybe there's something within me that makes me successful, and I can take those unique skills and talents wherever I want to go and be successful. And it was such a big paradigm shift to get thrust out that corporate window and corporate job, knowing I had 18 months, I couldn't be in the industry, had expertise, and I had to start over. And it just, wow, that was a really, really hard time. But those hard times also teach you that you don't know what that next opportunity is going to be. You don't know what that next door could open tomorrow. And it could be the greatest gift of your life if you just only show up and open it. And so I've spent the last five years opening those doors, chasing down the opportunities.

some of them don't work out, right? Some of them are a complete disaster, and some of them have been incredible. Like I just mentioned my two books, I am so incredibly proud of my books. I'm so incredibly proud of my soul sayings. If you haven't checked them out, go to the link below. I'll put the link tree below so you can check them out. These are reminders that you put on your shoes to uplift people. They're incredible. I'm launching the most incredible program in the next, I think I'm going to announce it next week to you. I can't wait to announce it. I'm so excited and I want to tell you how this came down. And this just goes to show. You never know what's possible. You just have to keep showing up. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD,

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talking about, you know, my speaking business is really the biggest part of my business. And she's like, yeah, that's great. And you can still do that. But you could help so many more people at such a deeper, more significant level to change their lives if you did this. And she laid it out for me. And it was eye-opening, shocking that I was missing this. And she said, I was wondering why you were missing this. So that goes back to the people that we surround ourselves with have such an incredible impact on us, whether from a negative or positive angle, right? And here was this woman who just saw me differently because of her life experience, because of her business model, she saw this missing piece that I had that I had never seen, never even thought about.

And not only did she open my eyes to it, she basically gave me her playbook on how she does it so that I can get up and running immediately and start helping people. And it's just, what an incredible, it was such an incredible day. I felt so, so grateful. And of course, I asked her, what can I do for you? You're giving you. You're giving you. You're giving you. You're me this gift of a business I didn't even know I had. And I'm so grateful and thankful for that. Now what can I do for you? And so I was able to help her. She wanted to get a book deal done and, you know, needed contacts for editors and how to do a book proposal and a bunch of things that I've all done. Right. So it's easy for me. I'm like, yes, of course I can help you with that.

And I feel so excited. This just takes me back to it is so critical who we surround ourselves with, the people we seek for advice and the people that we don't, right? Never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you're going. She's asking about how to get a book deal done and how to write a book proposal. Check, check and check. Done it all. I'm asking her how to launch this new business. Check, check and check.

She's done it for 10 years. Right. So be really thoughtful about who you seek for advice and when and make sure those people are on your team. They can be on your team and challenge you to grow. But sometimes just because they're in your circle, you think they're in your circle, but they're not really in your corner. Right.

So be really mindful about the people you see. seek for advice and direction and take the trip, take the lunch, just show up and give it a shot and see what happens. Yeah, sometimes they won't be your people. Sometimes maybe nothing will come out of it or nothing will come out of it that day, but maybe in the future, something will. So I'm so grateful I show up. So to that end of showing up, I'm showing up again. I am going to show up for an event in Orlando next week. And I'm super excited because typically when I'm going to events, I'm speaking. Right. So I know exactly what I'm walking into. I know how to handle it. You know, I've already done my pre-calls with the teams. And I know about the audience.

I know what my objective is. I know what talk I'm going to give. Like, I'm fired up. This is my jam. Right. This is my wheelhouse. I walk in there feeling super confident and really excited. What's interesting is a good friend of mine who I've actually never met in real life before, which is so crazy. We've been friends now for a while on the computer and on the phone. but we're finally going to meet in person. And he calls me and he says, hey, I got this event going on. I want you to come with me. And I love this guy. He does so many favors for me. He's such an amazing human. And so I said, whatever you need, of course I'm there. Count me in. If you need me to speak, done. You need me to whatever you want. Just know it's done. And so he ends up sending me all

this information the other day. And I see it. And I'm like, whoa, this is out of my comfort zone. I'm going into an event and I'm not the speaker. I'm going to, attendee. And I haven't done that in so long. I felt a little nervous. I'm not going to lie. I'm like, wait a bit. This isn't my jam. I know what it's like when I'm the one doing the book signing. I know what it's like when I'm the one speaking. Now I'm being invited to someone else's book signing. Actually, it's John Maxwell, which I'm super excited because I haven't met him before. And so it's like everything's reversed. And for a few minutes, I felt super nervous. And I could sense that, you know, self-doubt was creeping in. And I'm thinking like, I don't know anything.

that's going to this thing. He knows everybody there. I know no one. I had to remind myself again, okay, just, you know, just because this is new and different, like let's go back to the basics, showing up is always going to be the answer. Number one. Number two, I want to research all the people I can find that are going so that I can know if there's like a point of connection or something in common we have, or if there's something I can do to help someone, right? I do all of that work ahead of time. So it makes it a little bit easier to connect with people when you see them in real life if you've done your homework on them ahead of time. And it makes people feel happy. They're like, oh my gosh, how did you know I went to school there? Or how did you know I'm from blah, blah, blah,

blah. You know, it's just, it's like more personal that you care and that you try. And I'm going to tell you this, I am a try hard. I am always going to be the one out there trying hard because I do care. And I do want to make a difference. And I do want, you know, if there's some way you can bring joy into the world or into a person's life in any moment, why not do it? Right. So I do try hard. I do those things. I do want to have fun. And a lot of that's around connection, right? So in those situations, sometimes I'll ask people to play a game. Like, if you weren't doing what you do for a living now, tell me what you would have done. Or just crazy things. Like, give us one thing that nobody at this table knows about you and let's go around. Like, I'd like to do fun, different games like that to

connect people and get people talking and be memorable, right? But again, it just, it starts with showing up. And that's half the battle, right? You have to get on the flight and you got to go somewhere where you know nobody and you have to walk around and introduce yourself. And listen, none of that's glamorous and exciting and fun. But once you break through that initial barrier, it is so fun. And the people that you can meet and the relationships you can create can be life-changing. You just never, never know. And so I'm super optimistic for this event and for all these new people I'm going to meet and for attending a conference instead of

speaking at one, it's going to be cool. It's going to be different. And yeah, there's always a risk, right, that, oh, what if I don't get anything out of this or what if this wasn't worth, you know, whatever. But I also believe I know that the people I'm surrounding myself with are great people, right? Because I know for my friend. And so I know if you keep pushing yourself into new environments with great people, great things are going to happen. So I'm hoping that you step into a new environment this week. I'm hoping that you show up when you get the invite or the opportunity, even if you're not dying to do it, because showing up is the answer. Time and time again, and showing up as the most vulnerable version of you. That's how people will really see you.

That's how you'll really connect. And that's how you'll find your people, your purpose, your passion, and it all. And I can't wait to let you know what I'm launching. I can't wait to tell you next week. I'm so super excited for it. You guys have been asking for it, and it is finally coming. Thanks to my friend Kelly, Kelly wrote show. Check her out if you haven't before. She's an incredible person. I've had her on the podcast, but she's the one that helped me to open my eyes to an opportunity that was sitting right in front of me that I hadn't seen. So imagine what opportunity is in front of you that you haven't seen. Get around like-minded people. Get around people with different perspectives and take it all in until next week. I hope you keep creating your confidence. I can't wait to tell you what I'm launching

next week. Let me know if you have an idea on what it is or go to my website and make sure that you are signed up for my email list, either on LinkedIn or on my website, Heathermonahan.com, to make sure that you get all the info. I'll also link next week. I'll put a link in where you can sign up for my new program, which I can't wait to share with you. I'm super, super excited. It's going to be life-changing. It's going to be amazing. And I'm super grateful. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.