Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #308: Answering Your Burning Questions With Heather!

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with Heather? Her annual elite mastermind is open NOW!   She is only accepting 20 participants this year! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level! https://heathermonahan.com/the-elite-mastermind/ In This Episode You Will Learn About:  The BEST way to “sell” yourself in business   How to inject confidence in the areas that are lacking  Overcoming your fears to find your true passions  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Get your Free Month of Thinkific Plus at thinkific.com/confidence  Show Notes:  Have you been wanting answers to some of your most pressing confidence and career questions!? Well this episode is all about answering your burning questions! I’ll dive into the best ways to sell and put yourself out there, and give you my BEST strategies for avoiding other people’s negativity so you can go after your goals with confidence. 

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close. Hi, and welcome back. So one of my favorite things has always been answering your questions and you've asked some great ones. And I've answered them for you here today on the show. This is a special episode just for you.

I'm answering your questions. I want to highlight some of the best and my most favorite questions that you've asked me in this very special episode today. Now, I want you to know, people have a lot of questions and they're not always getting answered. So if you want to get more of your questions answered by your girl right here, you need to join my elite mastermind. I am only allowing 20 people in. It's a one-year commitment. It's ride or die with a team of your life. If you have major goals for yourself this year, if you want to be landing big stages and taking

your brand and exploding it to the next level, I am going to give you the blueprints exactly how I did it five years ago when I got fired. I would have done anything to have access to this information five years ago. Unfortunately, I had to figure it out on my own. But you, my friend, do not have to. So go to the show notes in the links below. You will see, apply for the mastermind. or you can go to my website, Heather Monaghan.com, and apply for the elite mastermind.

I would love to hear what you're working on and love to find out if this is a fit for you. Now, back to the show. Okay, here's the first one. Hey, Heather, hope you're well. I struggle to sell myself and my business. How can I overcome this and be more positive in who I am and what I have to offer? So typically my experience when people don't want to quote unquote sell themselves and their business, it goes back to a more fundamental insecurity, right? They feel bad trying to promote themselves because

maybe they don't feel promotable. If you don't feel great about you, you don't want to shine your light and showcase yourself. So I would say my first step or action step to someone in this situation is, why do you not feel that way? You need to ask yourself the question. Why is it you don't feel comfortable doing that? Because you don't feel of value. And if that's the case, that's not true. So we need to work on your confidence and start writing down. What are some of the things that that you feel proud of? What things have you done that, you know, you shot out to do that you were able to accomplish? Start celebrating your wins. Start evaluating the people you're spending your time with. Maybe you need to fire some people in your life and start pulling in more

positive, supportive people to help stretch you to grow. Start taking steps today. If you haven't read my book yet, Confidence Creator, now is a great time. It'll give you a roadmap on how to build your confidence. Because the only reason I can imagine someone doesn't want to highlight themselves, highlight their products and services, because they're not really feeling good about themselves. So that's my advice there. Okay, I wanted your advice, I know your time is valuable. Oh, thank you. So I deeply appreciate it. Briefly, I'm a mom of two who was laid off from a bank 10 years ago after being an employee there for 10 years. That hurts. I was seven months pregnant at the time. They had a reduction

staff and my boss was the first to go. I have been home since life happens. Parents were ill. two young kids. I truly devoted myself to all this. I feel so lost now because I've lost my way. I don't want to go back to banking and I've been in search of my passion, my dream, if you will. I cannot seem to grasp what that is. I'm a very hard worker. I'm dedicated. I'm loyal. I would press hard if I only knew what it is that I should be doing and what fulfills me what I could be good at. Just can't seem to find it. I cry and pray all the time. Oh my gosh, my heart is breaking. Okay, here's the thing. first of all, it sounds like a confidence issue first and foremost. So I would make the commitment to create confidence in your life, just like losing weight, right? Like I need to do right now. If you want to say, I'm going to lose five pounds, then we need to get on the scale. We need to give ourselves a timeline. We need to lay out a 30 day plan. Do that with your confidence. I walk you through how to do that on my free e-book on my website, Heather Monaghan.com, or in my actual book confidence creator. So, you know, sign up for my free accountability partner program for 30 days. get an email from me directing you on how to create confidence in your life. Let's get going on that one

first and foremost. Next thing, this is interesting. I won an award a couple years ago and it was called Unique Value Proposition Award or I don't know, something like that. And I thought, what is unique about me? I don't know. And I was serious. I didn't know. So I decided to send an email to 10 people in my life, some personal friends, some work friends and ask them, hey, I just won this award. and I'm trying to figure something out. What is unique or valuable about me that's different that you can help me to understand to see through your eyes? And I got back the most beautiful emails from people telling me what was special and different about me. And I didn't know people saw me that way.

So I would say reach out to 10 special people in your life, get their feedback, see yourself through their lens. And you're going to learn real quickly some superpowers that you have that you didn't see because it happens to all of us. I remember a woman I worked with didn't see any value in herself. And she called me and said, I just, there's no special anything in me. There's no unique anything. And I said, wait a minute. Is this the person that I send any type of communication that I have to first? And it looks like trash when I send it to you.

And you make it beautiful and gorgeous and fantastic in minutes. She's an editor. And she was so talented. And she said, oh, yeah, that's me. But anyone can do that. No, not anyone can do that. I can't do that. That's why you are priceless to me.

And your superpowers are so different than mine. And I can't go out to market into the world without your help. Just like I can't write my book without the editor, right? So you need to ask other people sometimes how they see your value because you just might be taking it for granted. I certainly was. And I'm sure you probably are too. So definitely get some of that feedback, tap some people in your life, ask them what's

valuable and special and unique about you because we should all be celebrating what that special trade is. Another quick story for you. A good friend of mine spent a lawyer for a long time, wasn't finding joy and passion in her life, but needs to pay her bills. We all know the drill. And she started doing pro bono work in the fashion industry because that was her calling. That's what she loved and she wanted to incorporate passion in her job somehow. She went all in on that three years ago and working for free. Again, pro bono work. But that led her to meet a lot of people in the fashion industry, which led her to opportunities, which ultimately, me led her to leaving that law firm that she was at and jumping to a new law firm and launching a fashion law business, which has directly incorporated her passion with her mission, with her income, with her livelihood. She's living her dream now. Was it easy? No. She had to go through that time where she was doing it for free and it was a lot of hard work and a lot of naysayers. But to find your passion, sometimes you have to create it. And oftentimes people will tell you it's not possible.

it's on you to focus on the solutions and move through and over the obstacles. If success was easy, everybody would have it. So get committed to creating your confidence. Get committed to finding your purpose and passion. Remember what it was that you loved to do when you were a little kid and start chasing that now. The more you spend time doing it, the stronger you will get. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with Lux Essentials that feel effortless. and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts.

Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day. Quince has all the staples covered, from soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters that feel like designer pieces without the markup to 100% silk tops and skirts for easy dressing up to perfectly cut denim for everyday wear. Their wardrobe essentials are crafted to last season after season. Their Italian woolcoats are real standouts. They're beautifully tailored, soft to the touch, and built to carry you through years of wear, not just one season. The quality shows in every detail, the stitching, the fit, the fabrics. Every piece is thoughtfully designed to be your new wardrobe essential. And like everything from quince, each piece is made from premium materials in ethical trusted factories

that are priced far below what other luxury brands charge. I can't tell you how much I am loving my new cashmere sweater. It's a staple for sure, and I can't wait to give one to my best friend for her birthday this year. is timeless, gorgeous, and the softest thing I've ever touched. Which quince pieces are you interested in? I mean, from the bags to the denim, to the sweaters, to the jackets, they're all incredible luxury high-end products without the high-end price. Refresh your wardrobe with quince. Don't wait. Go to quince.com slash confidence for free shipping on your order and

365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash confidence. When you want more, start your business with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. All in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today.

Northwest Registered Agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow businesses for nearly 30 years. They are the largest registered agent and LLC service in the U.S. with over 1,500 corporate guides, real people who know your local laws and can help you in your business every step of the way. Build your business identity fast with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free resources, forms, and step-by-step guides without even creating an account. Sign up for a free account to begin managing your business hub with lawyer-drafted operating

agreements, bylaws, resolutions, membership, certificates, bills a sale, and more, all at no cost. Northwest is your one-stop business resource. Learn how to build a professional website, what annual filings your business needs to stay in good standing, and simple explanations of complicated business laws. With Northwest privacy is automatic. They never sell your data, and all services are handled in-house. Because privacy by default is their pledge to all customers. Don't wait. Protect your privacy, build your brand, and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit northwest registered agent.com slash confidence free and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwest registered agent.com slash confidence free.

So I've been getting a lot of questions around getting fired, how to stay positive, even if you aren't fired, how do you continue to do business? Here's the thing. The more we immerse ourselves and watching the news and being around negative people, we will clearly be negative. So fire the villains right now might look a little different. And that may mean you need to get some space from people that you're spending time with. But spending time with like-minded, positive people that are looking for the bright side, that are looking for optimism and are looking to find ways to pivot, that's how you will change your mindset and change your future. There's just as much potential looking forward. Things are uncertain. They could be uncertain and negative or uncertain and positive. I believe that because

things are uncertain, there's so much opportunity out there and I continue to focus on that. And then when I get stuck, I get on my Peloton and I just let ideas come into my head and brainstorm. And then I just take chances and move fast because speed to market is critical. Right now, there are so many people creating content online, so many people posting online. If you're not doing that, why not? Now is the time to jump in. Now's the time to elevate your personal brand or create one if you don't already have one. Now is the time to put yourself first. Now is the time to curate the people that you spend time with. You know, now is that time. And I'm completely revamping my business. I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly. I'm sure I'm making mistakes, but it's about going all in and taking chances.

And I remember when I first got fired a couple of years ago, I was petrified. I was sad. And it's okay to feel that way. I let myself feel sad for a day. And then I pick myself up and say, okay, now it's time to move on. I had a cry. I felt upset. But here we go. Again, you know, constant change is the constant. Change will always continue. And the more we embrace it and jump ahead of it, the better opportunity we have to succeed and be happy. Okay, so say you find yourself, your business is completely dead or you just got fired. Number one, reach out to people. You know, the more that we can reach out to people and ask, how are you doing? It means a lot. You never know who's alone. Who's struggling or has a loved one potentially dying. You know,

right now is that time to just show up. Be a light. The more good you put out there in the world, the more good will come back to you. That is a fact. And the more you do for others in small ways, the better you're going to feel about yourself. So take the time to check in on people. Take the time to send the nice notes. Let them know you're thinking about them. That's going to go a long way when things change. And here's the bottom line. Things will change. There's always going to be different challenges. It's on us to find out what that opportunity is to pivot. Dig into what your value proposition is, get your testimonials, your recommendations, and start shining them, put them on LinkedIn, share them on social, and let people know you need help, that you're looking for ideas

to pivot your business, that you're out of work and looking for opportunities. There are people hiring. You need to communicate with others. You need to nurture your network, and you need to shine your light and shine it bright. This is your time. If you haven't been investing in yourself, now is the time for you to start doing it. There are so many great offers online right now for different programs. I see so many people taking online courses, learning new and different things. So just start thinking about what is it that you always wanted to do? What would you do if money didn't matter?

And let's try to figure out a bridge plan to get you there. In the interim, put out content, share your testimonials, shine a light on your unique value proposition. because when you start to do that, those dots will start to connect. I have been there, and I'll never forget posting that I got fired and hearing from Froggy from the Elvis Durant show that he wanted to help, I converted that opportunity in the moment, and I tweeted right back at him, please get me on the show. And he did, and that meeting and that interview led me to write my first book Confidence

creator. Don't think that taking that risk and taking that step, as scary as it is, won't pay off, because it well. And that, I guarantee you. Start speaking as if you're worthy because you are. And one of the things I heard today, someone was saying, this is a stupid question, Heather. I know this is going to be a dumb question.

And I had to catch this person and say, please don't say that anymore. And be self-aware. If you start speaking negatively about yourself, that's how you're selling yourself to other people. They'll follow suit. They're going to start saying the same things. So instead, let's speak really highly and strongly and powerfully about

ourselves so others can do the same. And it's breaking some bad habits and implementing some new ones, which I know all of you can do because I've done it. And if I can do it, you can do it too. Have you ever had someone get on a call with you? And you talk about maybe having them on your show and then they just take over. No, I do not. But this happened to this woman. Okay, this guy sent me a meeting link for a time slot that we tentatively discussed. He's ignoring me on email and I'm really turned off by this. Okay, should I tell him why he's not going to be a guest or should I just give a cookie cut or reply back? Here's the thing. No is a complete sentence, right? It's your show. You do you, boo. You don't need to explain to anyone. So if you thought the guy was

possibly a candidate to be a guest and then you decided he isn't any longer, shoot him a note and say, you know what, this isn't the right fit. Thanks. Best of luck to you. Moving on, keep it moving. We do not need to explain ourselves. When it's your show, it is your show. Now, it would be different if you worked for a company. It was their podcast and it was your boss calling you. Okay, then you're probably going to have to justify it, right? Because you work for him, but you do not work for this guy. Ping, ping that person away. Bye, bye. Okay. Hey, Heather, can I ask you a question? Over the last several months, multiple people and companies have been contacting me trying to sell me virtual speaking programs where they promise I'll make a lot of money as a virtual speaker. Since you are much

deeper into this speaking business, what do you think? Are they just selling me or is there really something there? Here's what I said back to this gentleman. And here's what I want to share with you. If people are guaranteeing you things, then have them guarantee it, right? So if someone's saying, I promise you this or I guarantee this, then great. Go ahead in writing and guarantee it for me. What does that look like? Are you guaranteeing me five page speaking engagements a month to the tune of $50,000? Put that in writing. Give me the guarantee. And I'll even, even one up you one better, the hesitation apparently is this guy doesn't want to make the investment or he's unsure if you should make the investment. I would flip the script on that. I would go back

to these vendors or companies and say, you sound really convinced that you can deliver on this. To that end, I don't want to give you a front end retainer or front end fee. I'll pay you a commission on all the bookings you land me. Then everybody's happy, right? You don't have to take the risk on investing in something that may or may not materialize. And these people that are so convinced they can deliver a few, they're going to be motivated to do it even faster because they're going to get paid commission. And I'll guarantee you that they don't want to take that deal because the reality is they really weren't going to guarantee the bookings. I've never seen that happen, right? They'd have to truly believe in that person as a speaker and in their contacts

and ability to close deals really quickly. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Talkiatry makes it easy to see psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Takayatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only apps, tachyotry is psychiatry. That means you're seeing a medical provider who can diagnose mental health conditions and

prescribe medication when it's appropriate. All their 600 plus clinicians are in network with major insurers so you can use your existing insurance instead of paying monthly subscriptions or out of network fees. You'll meet with an experienced licensed psychiatrist who takes the time to understand what's going on, builds a personalized treatment plan, and can prescribe medication when it's right for you. Your care stays consistent and evidence-based. Head to tachiatry.com slash confidence and complete the short assessment. to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talk gyatry.com slash confidence to get matched in minutes. Hey, Heather, I have a question about what you would do in a situation I encounter frequently.

I find myself having to pick up slack for coworkers or even other peers, maybe in group projects that need to get done or whatever the case may be. I know I have to pick up the slack or else my grade or job will be affected. Therefore, I just say, okay. and I complete the task myself. This takes away from personal time, adds extra stress. What would you say or do in this situation? I heard you like to use these questions in your podcast if you do keep this anonymous.

Okay, you got it. So here's the thing. People will treat you the way you teach them to. This person is saying this happens in her life frequently. She's allowing for it and she's teaching them to do it, right? Here's a quick story. 13 years ago, my son was born. 10 days after giving birth, the CEO that I worked for called me.

And he said, hey, I need you to jump on a plane and go give a keynote speech for me at my alma mater. I can't do it. And I said, okay, that's ridiculous. Okay, here's what I would do differently today. I'd say, oh my gosh, so great to hear your voice. Did you not hear? I just had a baby?

Hang on, I'm going to go ahead and email and text you the picture's over. Call me back when you get them and let's talk about how cute my kid is. Oh, by the way, I'm sure there's someone on the team that would be better suited to make a flight right now, and that's definitely not me. Right? That was easy. Okay. Now, if you haven't just had a baby, but you have no business in taking all the work on what it should be divided and equally spread, the first thing that I would say in that situation, I use this in any difficult situation that you don't want to be. You don't want to create additional conflict, but you need to call someone out. I always say this. I'm confused. Okay, that's non-confrontational. However, we've got a problem,

right? I've got a question. Hang on. I'm confused. When we started working together on this project, I was doing a third of the work. You were doing a third. Bobby Joe is doing a third. I've completed my task. Bobby Joe's completed theirs. And you have not been able to get yours done. As you know, you're responsible for that portion.

If we hand this in with just two thirds of the work done, everyone is going to suffer. Where are you stuck that you're not able to produce this or get it done? You've got to kick back in a non-confrontational way to remind people of expectations. and take it a step back even further, are you setting clear expectations on the front end of work projects, of school projects, to say, guys, let's get clarity here. And let's assign some deadlines and some responsibilities.

And let's go ahead and put it in writing. Okay, here's what we've agreed to. A week before the project is due, everyone will have their part done so that everyone can review the other parts. You're responsible for A. You're responsible for B. I'm responsible for C. We meet together and reconvene in 10 days and we all come prepared to the meeting.

here's what that will entail. Here's the deadlines. Here's the responsibilities. And I'll follow up with an email. The more specific you are with people, the more you're going to be able to hold them accountable. Get agreement and buy-in from everyone on the front end. Set those expectations clearly. And then those boundaries are really easy to hold because everything was in writing.

I'm confused. How could you not have your portion of the work done here? That doesn't make any sense. So definitely you have to kick back there. And if it's happening frequently, it's because you're teaching people to treat you that way. Pump the brakes and stop. And P.S. you should totally check out my confidence video course.

Go to my website. You'll see the link. That's definitely going to help you. Okay. Hey, Heather. I have your book since it came out and I love it. I wrote you a review too. Oh, thank you so much.

I'm finally trying to get my book published. And the question is about PR. Did you hire a firm to help you? Any advice would be appreciated. Listen, of course you want to hire a PR firm if you can. But it's a financial commitment, right? It's a big investment. And some of the companies are very expensive.

So if you can go all in. I also used an element through the publishing company that I worked with Scribe. They have some options there that are a little less expensive. But if you have a community that you've already built on social media through an email list, you also want to leverage that opportunity. You want to pitch yourself to go on podcasts, to go on shows, to get as much exposure as you can. Seth Godin was super smart about this. He did podcast guesting for months before his book came out.

However, he would tell you, as he told me, you cannot drop this episode until I think it was October 4th to October 10th. That's it. That's your window. And so he had hundreds of podcast episodes come out right when his book dropped. So he didn't need a PR firm necessarily for that. He just had to put a lot of time and work in. So financially, if you can make the investment, of course, go all in and hire a PR firm. If finances are too tight and you don't have those resources, do the hustle. Put the time in. pitch yourself for everything and anything you can and get everyone to agree to allow that, you know, a tight window around right when your book drops to come out. Hey, Heather, I'm writing a book. All I ever hear about is I have to know someone in the

industry to get published. I'm not sure what steps you took to get published. Okay, first of all, to get published, you can self-publish. You can just upload to Amazon. You don't need to overthink it. When I self-published, I hired Scribe Media, which I highly recommend, go to their site, check it out, or I'll put a link in the show notes. And it's all a card. You can pick the services you need or don't need. And it takes zero time. I mean, it happens so fast. So people try to make it really intimidating. Scribe for me really simplified it. And it was a great experience. That was my first book. Now, my second book, which is coming out in November, I went and pitched an agent first. Then I pitched her 14 times on 14 different book proposals.

Finally on the 15 times she said yes. Then she went out and pitched 10 or 15 publishing houses during the pandemic. We got back a few yeses. We met with the different teams. We decided on going with HarperCollins leadership. That whole process as well as writing the book, this is the big difference, right? When I self-published, I wrote the book and self-published all within five to seven months. The book was out, under a year, far under a year.

far under a year. It was very fast. The traditional way, which I'm going now, it'll be almost a year and a half, two-year process. It really depends. If you want speed to market, self-publish. If you are really hooked on this idea of wanting to be with a publisher, you've got to find an agent. Start pitching yourself to different agents out there and get ready for your book not to be out for a couple of years. I hope that helps. If it did, please leave me a rating and review. Hit subscribe and I need you to get these episodes every week. And if you could, please promote it on social media. When you tag me, I always repost and retag.

And I can't wait to see you next week. I'll be creating confidence. Hope you will be too.