Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #314: How To Go From Intimidated To EMPOWERED with Heather!

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with me? My annual Elite Mastermind is open NOW! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level! https://bit.ly/hm-cc-mastermind  In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to give yourself grace during a crisis Embracing courage when you are totally INTIMIDATED Trusting YOURSELF instead of your fears Finding inspiration in faith and gratitude during tough times Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Start your Free Month of Thinkific Plus at: thinkific.com/confidence  If you’ve been sizing NetSuite up to make the switch then you know this deal is unprecedented - no interest, no payments - take advantage of this special financing offer at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN  Show Notes:  Have you ever felt totally intimidated by a situation? There have been so many times that I have been challenged to do something new or uncomfortable and the FEARS start to creep in. Self-doubt can feel so hard to conquer! But I am here to tell you that courage is at your fingertips. And when you let go of the fear, the gifts will come your way! You can do it and so can I. Let's grow together and tackle whatever comes our way!

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my closer. Hi, and welcome back. I am so grateful you're back with me today. Okay, so I just left church, and you're going to have to appease me on this one. I want to share a little bit about the service that I went to today at Voo Church, which is an incredible church.

you can totally catch it online. Rich Wilkerson Jr. is an amazing pastor. So funny, so fun, such a great message. And today was incredible about crisis with Christ. And just such an incredible message of how to navigate really challenging times. So I'm actually going through my own challenging time. Again, you know, everything with some perspective, that was one of the things that Pastor Rich shared today was he was sharing one person lost three of their children in an accident. And you know, you can't, I'm not minimizing what you're going through right now, what I'm going through, heartbreak, upset, fear, loss, illness. You know, there's so many challenges in the world. But when you hear about horrific events like that, it really gives you such perspective

and makes you feel so grateful for what you do have and pray for these people that are going through so much. And the incredible thing about that story with a man that lost his three children is they were hit by a drunk driver, by the way. And he offered forgiveness immediately the next day. That's what he offered the person that hit and killed his children. Just such an incredible human and just a story about the good in people in horrific times. It was really so sad and so beautiful. Okay. So I don't know if you guys have this devotion book. It's called Jesus Calling. I read this book every day. It's incredible. Super helpful for me to keep me on the right path and to start my day off with a great message. So if you don't have it, I highly suggest you order. I got mine on Amazon. And here was the message today. I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with Thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is my sovereignty. I just botched that word.

I am the creator and controller of the universe. Heaven and earth are filled with my glorious presence. When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think you could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things, but you don't know what I know or what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand so much more. However, I have designed you to live by faith, not by sight. I lovingly shield you from knowing the future or seeing into the spirit world. Acknowledge my sovereignty, that was better, by giving thanks in all circumstances. So I so needed that message today.

You know, we need to live in faith, not by sight. And when you have challenging times when you're dealing with upset, loss, heartbreak, illness, whatever challenge you're faced with today, you question everything. Why is this happening me? Why did not go the way I thought it would? Why doesn't God have his hand on this? And the message is, turn it over to God, let go and let God. God's plan is greater than yours. and it is not for us to challenge our fight. It is for us to let go and walk with faith,

even though we don't understand yet. And I have some experience with this, you know, for most of my life, I did not live that way. I wanted to control everything, and I wanted the outcome to be what I dictated, and it never worked out ideally. So it's taken me a long time to realize this, and it is not easy, especially when your heart's involved, and you have so much much concern, hope, fear, whatever it is for you. You know, you're all in on something and it's not working out. It's one of those moments. You just got to turn it over to God and say God's plan is greater than mine. I move forward with faith and a knowing that God has my back. And with God's grace, things will work out better than I could ever imagine. I don't know what that looks like,

but I have faith and I'm going to move forward. And it's not always easy. And I'm just so grateful for these reminders and then getting that reminder this morning from Jesus calling, I decided to go to my workout. I decided to go out for a run outside, to do things that would spark joy in me, to do things that would remind me of all that I have to be grateful for and to, you know, go over my mind, everything that I am grateful for. And I do have so much. And it's so easy to lose sight of those things when you're in the struggle. So give yourself some grace today and know that, everyone's in the struggle, right? Even though you might not see it on the outside,

even though things might look so great, everybody's struggling with something. Some seem much more massive than others, but don't take away that it still is a struggle. And the struggle is real, my friends. But you will make it out of this struggle. That is for sure. And so will I.

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But he was talking about some researchers that sat with, let's say, five or ten people. And they had a makeup artist come in and put a scar, an really ugly scar on their face, and then showed the people the mirror. The people freaked out, obviously, because they looked horrible. Then they had the makeup artist say, oh, let me just fix it a little bit. but what the makeup person really did was remove it entirely. However, the people had no idea because they couldn't see a mirror. So then the people were asked to go out into their day, into the world,

and conduct themselves as they normally would, whatever, go to the grocery store, go run errands, I don't know, do whatever menial tasks you need to do out in the world. And then when they came back, they interviewed them and said, what was it like today? What was your day like? And every single one of the people complained how negative everything was and how everyone was staring at their scar and how mean people were to them. Do you remember the scar was actually removed, but they didn't know it? So they created within their mind turmoil inside that actually did not exist on the outside.

I thought that was such an incredible way to look at it. You know, when you're in crisis, listen, everyone goes through crisis. as everyone goes through challenging times, the key is not to take it inside of you, to move through it as an external element, to focus on your gratitude, to focus on all that we have to be grateful for, to do the things that you love to do, whether that be work or your family or like me today working out and going for a run outside, whatever small things it can be, those small things can shift, surround yourself with people that encourage you and cheer you on. We all need those people, especially in those difficult moments. And last night I had dinner with a really good friend

and her boyfriend. And I'll tell you, the perspective that man gave me was so interesting coming from a person I had never met before who has a very different life than I do. Sometimes just gaining perspective from people is really helpful for you to process things, right? We don't have all the answers. We don't understand all the situations. And sometimes there's a piece in knowing, oh, you know what, I didn't understand that. That kind of could make sense to me. Okay, I need to stop beating myself up about this or stop feeling so disappointed. Maybe I can accept some things just don't work out for whatever reason. And gaining this perspective was really helpful. So there's so many things we can do in crisis to help ourselves to handle it with the grace and ease that we want to. But ultimately,

turning it over to God will always be the answer. Having faith that this is happening for us, not to us, is a massive gift. And I am working on it today. I am promising you. I've been working on it now for a couple of days. It's not easy, but it's possible. And like any muscle, the more you practice is, the better you're going to get at it and the faster you're going to get through it. That I know, for sure. And that's kind of one of the funny things is the more you deal with struggle and you've gotten through it, you can pause for a moment and remind yourself of those other really difficult times in your life and you've made it through. And that can give you strength, right? That can give you confidence. You're going to make it through this. And of course, God is ultimately going to give you that complete confidence because you know he's working for you in your life. You just can't see it yet. You can't connect those dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking back. And I do promise you this. The best is yet to come, even if you don't know what that is yet. And I don't either. But I have total faith in that. Okay. So quick story this week. This is so funny or interesting to me. Years ago, I met.

a woman named Amman. She's a lot younger than me. She's Miss New York, like complete knockout, literally model, you know, she was on Miss Universe. She's just, she's super successful, incredible, and very intimidating, right? When you see someone that beautiful, it can be intimidating. Well, I actually was reminded about how intimidated I used to be by her. And here's why, it's funny, we've become great friends, and she actually lives in Miami now. And I'm so grateful for that, because she's such an awesome person. And it goes to show you never know what's going to happen next. I never thought she would have moved from New York.

And a couple of months ago, she said, I'm moving to Miami. And she did. So you never know what's going to happen next. Stay excited, stay anticipating for blessings and exciting things to happen because they're coming tomorrow. I know it. And you never know what's actually going to happen. So anyhow, she reached out to me about a week ago and said, hey, I want you to come to an event with me. And I had promised her, you know, because she's new to Miami, that anytime I'm not

traveling for work, I will find a way to make it to anything she needs me to be at because I want to support her. And I know she hasn't developed her own team here yet in Miami the way she had in New York. So the minute she sent me a text, I didn't ask any questions. And I just said, yeah, I'll be there. Cut to, this is so funny, cut to a couple of days later, I get an email from a company giving me all of these details and basically telling me that they're sending me bathing suits. I had no idea. Amman had not told me any of this. Sending me bathing suits and need to know my sizes because I have to wear bathing suits to this event. And there's going to be a lot of influencers and models and blah, blah, blah.

Oh my gosh. Listen, when you're a 48-year-old mom, I don't care who you are. You're going to be a little intimidated when you're going to be with supermodels and, you know, this whole lineup. And you have to be in a bathing suit. Now, here's the thing. I live in Miami, so it's not completely out of left field. People have pool events all the time. I typically don't do things like that. It doesn't really align with my brand. My brand is a lot about business, right? So I'm not looking for opportunities like this. However, it's a really good friend of mine. I know she needs me. I'm going to post. I'm intimidated. I'm feeling a little bit of self-doubt. I'm wondering, wait a minute, how is this going to look for me? How am I going to look next to people in their 20?

All the self-doubt creeps in. And it's funny because I've had this experience with Amman before, but I'd forgotten about it because it was so many years ago and we're such good friends now. I don't think of her as someone intimidating to me anymore. I think of her as someone I love and adore and someone who is my back and is my wingman, right? So things in situations can change. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app.

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And, you know, imposter syndrome and why do they want me there? And this is ridiculous. I was reminded about my first book, Confidence Creator. and this is so interesting. Amman invited me to an event, a photo shoot with a bunch of model friends, and I was beyond intimidated because I wasn't nearly as good of friends with Amman back then. And I ended up attending that event. And at that event, even though I was so flipping and intimidated, that photographer took a picture of me that ended up being the cover of my first book, Confidence Creator. And I worship that cover. It is so incredible. It is so beautiful. It is so beautiful.

It is so strong and bad and, oh, I love it. I just love it. And that would have never happened. That incredible gift would have never been given to me if I hadn't had the courage and the confidence to walk into that event, knowing I was going to be like 20 years older than everybody else, knowing I'm not a model, knowing that I didn't know if I should really be there and doing it scared anyway. So that last story gave me the courage to go in and basically say, okay, I feel intimidated. I feel full of self-doubt. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know if I'm going to look ridiculous next to these other people, but I know one thing, not going and shrinking back because a fear is not an option. And I know another thing. The last time I stepped into that fear and

showed up in a situation specifically with them on, I was given the biggest gift, the cover of my book. And I didn't know that was going to occur. So I kept saying to myself, no matter how scared you are, stepping with your best foot forward, going with a great attitude, think about all the people you can meet Heather. Think about the beautiful gifts that could be given to you. Maybe you get your next book cover photo from this photo shoot event, right? Who knows? We don't know. And so I just kept prepping myself and prepping myself. And the weather was horrible in Miami. So then I decided, oh, it's probably going to be canceled. So I went out to dinner with one of my clients the night before and ate like I literally had never eaten because I was trying to eat very little for a week

leading up to it because I wanted to get skinny. Blew it completely carb overload the night before. Wake up in the morning. It's a gorgeous Miami day, not a cloud in sight. And they said the events on. I just had to laugh at myself. That's such a typical Monaghan moment, right, where I decide I know how everything's going to play out and I'm completely wrong. And so I put my best foot forward. I put on a bathing suit I would never wear in real life. It actually was super cute. I was so excited. And I went in with an incredible attitude, knowing I'm going to be 20 years older than everybody else there. And I met the most incredible people. So many new friends. I mean, truly one woman was on the cover of Vogue a month ago. and she was the coolest woman.

And I just, I made so many new friends, so many cool people that wanted to support me to help me, to encourage me, and to cheer me on. And I was doing the same for them. And it ended up being this really beautiful experience that reminded me, stepping into the unknown is always the answer. Stepping into fear is the right thing to do. There is no alternative. And when you do just show up and show up as that best version of yourself, putting your right foot forward, smiling and going for it, incredible things can happen. And that really, that day ended up being unbelievable.

I actually left the event with the supermodel. We went to find her mother at her hotel. We went out to dinner that night. I mean, I had so much fun and met so many new people that now I have a much larger network in Miami in an arena. that I would have never known before, people who want me to come on their podcast, people who want to feature me in different things, and people who I can support and help as well. And it was just one of those beautiful experiences. So I want to encourage you, whatever you're feeling and fear about, or maybe you're looking

at other people, like maybe you look at my social and you're like, oh, course Heather went to that supermodel event and had a bathing suit on and she was fine. I was not fine, right? I was doubting myself. I was second-guessing myself the whole week leading up. up to it. I was doing two workouts a day. I was panicking, right? I was full of self-doubt. But in the end, none of that matter. People liked me for my personality when I was there. And that was clear. Right. No, I'm not a supermodel. No, I'm not in my late 20s like all everybody else was.

But you know what? No one seemed to care at all. And what makes you unique and different is what makes you special and rock that, whatever that is. You don't have to fit in just like everybody else. You just need to be you. Everybody else has already taken. I think that's Oscar Wilde quote, but don't quote me in that. I'm pretty sure. Okay, so an amazing experience, super grateful to my friend Amman, and super grateful for perspective, right, and just reflecting back on where I was, you know, five years ago when I wrote my first book and how intimidated I was and how much less intimidated I am now, because I've taken the steps, I've done the work, I've flexed the muscle, and And now it's about reminding myself, you can do this.

And yeah, you might not fit in perfectly. And that's okay. And maybe that's what's going to make it so special and so great for you. And who knows what blessing is waiting for you on that other side? The only way you're going to find out is by showing up. So those are really the two big messages I had for you today. Oh, and just to let you know. So Amman, the chapter about Amman in my first book, Competence Creator,

it's chapter 14, build a team of like-minded people. And this is all about how I met Amman, how intimidated I was by her, and how she invited me to a photo shoot that changed my life and how nervous I actually was. So I hope that helps you. If you're looking at or thinking about a situation that's maybe intimidating you right now, maybe you're wondering, like, do you deserve this? Are you an imposter? You know, should you really go for it? I'm here to tell you, permission granted. yes, you need to go for it. And if you can't do it for you, do it for the people coming after you, right?

Thankfully, people before me opened doors. And now I believe that that's my duty to open them for other people, right? We've got to keep showing up. Shine your light, make the world a brighter place, go for more, show people what's possible and show yourself what's possible to drop the limitations, drop the self-limiting beliefs, and just start stepping into fear. It was always an illusion anyway. So feeling really grateful for this amazing event this week, especially sitting here reflecting on it, talking with you. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for amazing people. I'm grateful for champions in my life. And I'm grateful for always having different things to look forward to. So for you, figure out something this week that you are looking forward to. Get excited about it and make it count and visualize it in your mind going really, really well. This week, I'm speaking at an event in South Florida. You can still get tickets. I believe there's still seats left. So I will make sure to put the link in the show notes below. That is Wednesday night this week.

Check it out in the show notes. If you're in South Florida and want to see me speak, you absolutely can. And if you haven't heard yet, I launched my first ever mastermind. We only have 20 seats available. I believe we have six are already sold out, six or seven. So there's still seats left. This is going to be my one year ride or die. I am in it with you for one year.

The community is incredible. the people have already signed up are unbelievable game changers. These are people who bring high-level energy every day, everywhere they go. They're going to push you to get better. I'm going to push you to get better. I'm going to give you all my hacks on personal branding, public speaking, launching a brand, getting to the next level, pushing yourself through the adversity and finding ways to break through the noise and clutter to find success. If that's you, if that's the kind of community you're looking for, if you want that next level, energy in your life and you haven't found it. This mastermind is it. Go to the show notes right now,

click to apply to the mastermind. Someone from my team will get back to you within the next 24 to 48 hours. You will get an interview. And I promise you this, if you are serious about this, this could be an ideal fit and we'd love to have you. We're having two live in person events. We're meeting twice every month on Zoom to go through all the hacks, all the process that people need to go through. We're holding everyone accountable in our group chats. I mean, there's so much going on. There's so much support in this mastermind. I'm super excited for it. I'm super proud of it. And I love being a part of a team. Right. So if you don't feel like you're a part of an incredible team right now with like-minded people, join mine. Promise you this. It will not disappoint.

Until next week, keep creating confidence in you. You know I will be.