Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #322: You Are NOT Alone With Heather!

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with Heather? Her annual elite mastermind is open NOW!   She is only accepting 20 participants this year! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level! https://bit.ly/hm-cc-mastermind  In This Episode You Will Learn About:  The power of embracing the path you're on!  How to get peace of mind no matter where you’re at  Making time for yourself & with those around you  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan, all lowercase Show Notes:  Often we get so caught up in our own lives, we forget to stop and think about those around us. Let this episode serve as a reminder to check in with the people in your life and see how they’re really doing! This week I’m also focusing on coming to terms with what is and learning how I can get to a state of peace with everything going on. P.s If you were waiting, here is your sign to reach out to your loved ones! 

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I'm recording this on Mother's Day. You're listening to it after Mother's Day.

But I wanted to share with you something that I think it's important for us to remember on any day, but really, you know, It's universal. It's not just about Mother's Day, but it really hit me on Mother's Day, specifically because our pastor talked about it at church, and it was really powerful. Not everyone is celebrating on a day you might be celebrating. And it's so often we get caught up in our own life and how we think everything's great or, you know, it's a big day for us, or we've got great plans or whatever, but we don't necessarily stop to think about those around us and the impact things have on others. So I put a post up about this, and it was so interesting, I got a DM from a really good friend. You know, basically my post said something or my story said something like, listen, heading into Mother's Day, not everyone is joyful about Mother's Day.

Some people lost their mother. Some people lost a child. Some people can't have a child. Some people miss the opportunity to try, and they've been beating themselves up ever since. Right. There's so many potential situations that don't align with happiness around certain dates. Christmas, you know, birthdays, whatever it may be, or fathers or Mother's Day, right? So, but typically we're told that it's a day to celebrate and, you know, we're only supposed to be saying, happy Mother's Day to everyone. I get this DM from a good friend of mine. And he says, thanks for putting that post up. You know, I don't think you knew this, Heather, but my wife never had a biological child. She lost her mother. Mother's Day is a horrible day for her. And every year, it's just tough. And I didn't know that. I'd never asked. Right? So it was just one of those, these are people I care about. I've known for years. And I never asked. I never stopped for a moment to say, hey, I see you. How are you doing? We just get so caught up in our lives that I use today as a reminder that, hey, I see you. I know your struggle's different than mine, but I know you have a struggle, just like we all do, right, in different moments and in different ways. But it's important we see other people, recognize them, encourage them, and support them. Today, in church, our pastor shared that for eight years, she and her husband tried to get pregnant, and for eight

years they struggled. They went to infertility doctors. They tried so many different things. They prayed, and they couldn't get pregnant for eight years. Eight years. That is so flipping long. I mean, that's a long time. Most people would have given up. Most people would have gotten discouraged. Luckily, they have such strong faith. They prayed every single day, and miracles happen, and it took them eight years, but thankfully they didn't give up, and now they have three healthy children. So it was such a powerful story to me about seeing other people, understanding no one's journey is the same. Just because you're happy and celebrating one day doesn't mean other people are, and also the importance of faith and prayer, and that miracles do happen, and they don't always

happen in our timeline. That is for sure. I hope you feel that one, because I definitely do. But I love that message today that just because it's not happening in your timeline doesn't mean it's not going to happen. And sometimes it just doesn't, right? I mean, you just, you don't know. You have to move forward with faith. You have to keep praying. You have to do that next right thing and encourage others along the way. So if Mother's Day was tough for you, I'm sending you love. I want you to know you're seeing. I want you to know you're not alone. And hopefully you can use this as a reminder to reach out to someone that maybe you forgot to reach out to or didn't know what to reach out

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building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwest registered agent.com slash confidence-free. I'm so grateful. I have a healthy child and I'm blessed. I'm lucky. Oh my gosh.

I'm so lucky. I'm so grateful. But this week was a tough week. My son is very easy. Not always when he was younger. He was a lot more difficult. But now that he's a teenager, he's just so easy.

I mean, And he really, like I'm so lucky. I'm so, so, so blessed, so lucky. I thank God every day for him. He is a miracle. He's just wonderful. And it was weird. My son's dog died during COVID. That was one of the hardest things he's ever gone through in his life. That was so hard as a parent because I couldn't take the pain away. I mean, obviously put him in therapy and tried to, you know, dealing with loss and death during COVID was awful. I know a lot of people did. It was really tough on kids because they were isolated no sports, you know, school from the computer. Just the whole thing sucked, frankly. But he got through it, became so much more resilient. You know, still sad, still doesn't want to

get another dog, which I get. I ask him all the time, but he doesn't want to get one. So things take time to, you know, really bounce back from loss. Gosh, it really does. So anyhow, but we haven't had any major problems since then. Wouldn't you know the going into Mother's Day weekend. He had just the worst day and he came home and I never see my kid like this. And I'm sharing it with you because even though things can seem amazing and be going so well all the time for years on end, you can hit a bump in the road, right? Things happen.

Things change. Challenges show up and appear and no matter how strong someone is and how positive they are and how great they are, they face difficult times too. And I was shocked to see it happen with him just because it is not his way to be upset and be down. And it's just not in his being or demeanor. But on this day, it really hit him. And I'll tell you, a big part of it was he's sleep deprived. And I knew it.

You know how you just have a gut instinct? I knew he just hasn't been sleeping enough because he goes to school far away. He plays sports. He plays AAU. He, you know, he's very over committed to a lot of things that he loves. You know, he loves doing it, but it takes up a lot of time. He sees a trainer, right? Like, he's all in for the NBA, and it's big time commitments.

But sometimes he doesn't get home till nine at night to eat dinner, to, you know, and he has to eat multiple meals because he's trying to, you know, pack on muscle and get bigger and stronger. And then there's NBA playoffs going on and he wants to stay up and watch those. And then he has school first thing in the morning. He has to wake up at six in the morning. So it was one of those moments. I could see it.

I knew if he could just get a good night's sleep that that would change everything for him. It might not fix all the problems, right? It won't, but it will allow him to have peace of mind and see things more clearly. So, you know, in those moments when you or your loved ones are struggling, make sure the basics are happening. Are they getting enough sleep? Are they getting out of the house? Are they getting outside? you know, just the basic things are always those fundamentals that if we can help fix those,

the challenging things that we can't necessarily fix overnight will be easier to deal with. And so he did end up getting a good night's sleep. Life improved drastically over the next couple of days. And I was so grateful because I caught myself, wow, in a moment of, oh, my gosh, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him. He couldn't really articulate what the problems were. And it was really surprising.

So we all feel underqualified for the position as parent or friend or supporter or teammate in different moments. You're not alone in that one. I'm right there with you. I don't have all the answers. I definitely don't. But I think the most important thing we do is show up, show people we love them, show people we see them, encourage them and let them know they're not alone. And what they're going through isn't, you know, horrible and going to last forever, but just give them that encouragement and hope that. it will improve. Don't know exactly how that's going to happen yet, but know that it will. So you're

not alone if you're struggling with something right now. Know that I'm there with you. And this week, I wanted to share with you. I have a number of friends that happen to be giving TEDx talks in the next month, which is such a big deal. It's so cool. And I'm actually launching my speaking mastermind at the end of this month, which if you haven't checked it out yet, go to the show notes, click on it. If you need a ride-or-dye team that's got your back, that's pushing you to grow and stretch you to the next level, this is your team. I am going to be on the team with you. This is the only way to work with me live this year. It's going to be incredible. The team is so incredible so far. We only have five spots left. So go check that link out. But I have a lot of people, people call me,

I speak for a living. And so people call me a lot when they have questions, my friends, when they have questions around speaking. And I literally had four people who are giving TEDx talks, call me wanting to know tips and advice. So I'm going to share with you what I said. First of all, everybody can approach something differently, and that's fine. And my way does not have to be the only way, right? There's plenty of different ways to skin this proverbial cat. I do believe, I come from a place of putting the reps and doing the work is smart. If you have something really big, I did it. I worked for almost three months on my TEDx talk. I put the reps in. I hired a coach because I wanted an audience. I wanted someone giving me a different perspective. I did test runs

of my TEDx talk for countless different audiences. Anytime I was anywhere, I could even be out to dinner with friends. I'd ask, does anyone mind if I get up for 10 minutes and do a talk and just give me a little feedback? I don't like I am, you know, let's go. I am here for this thing. I want to kill it. I want to crush it. So I took every opportunity I could to practice. I put my big moments all around my condo so I would visibly see them every day. I wrote, I wrote out my talk multiple times. I filmed myself multiple times. I watched every TEDx talk in the world for three months. I visualized myself killing it. I put the work in. Cut to. So I tell everybody that. I actually have a chapter in my second book, Overcome Your Villains, detailing exactly step by step what I did to nail my TEDx talk

and thankfully got promoted to TED, translating into six languages, super proud of it. I'm so proud of it. But that was a labor of love. It's because I care. I am a try hard, and I will always try hard.

That's just who I am, right? And I want to be proud of what I create and what I put out there. Now, cut to, I'm very good friends with the woman that helped me land my TEDx talk, and we talk a lot

and work together on different projects. But whenever TEDx season rolls around, she and I always crack up about different things that are happening with the roster and the lineup. Well, this year, she called me a couple of times because she knows I'm friends with some of the people giving talks. And so she said, you know, make sure you speak to them about the level of work that needs to go into this, Heather, because some people just don't think that they need to put the work in. I just don't agree with that. I think if you care, you should be prepared.

And she made an interesting point to me. She said, Heather, there are two people I know and the past couple of years since we've been doing these events that didn't prep at all, literally did nothing to prep and killed it. They did great. And good for them, by the way. And they're both good speakers. They both speak. I wonder how different my talk would have been had I not prepared. I'm sure it would have been good, but I don't think it would have been anywhere near what it was. Right. I just, that's just my opinion. So her point to me was some people are just not going to put the reps in. They're still going to show up and turn it up and do amazing. But some people that risk it that don't put the reps in are going to bomb. And that's what she's seen happen so many times.

So they have, you know, this isn't their first rodeo. They share, there's two videos they send to every potential speaker. They're like, watch these. They're instructional. They are going to teach you. We have done this for years. We know what we're doing. If you want to hire coaches, here's who we would advise, pick people who have done the talks. Like, go to people who have been where you want to go and put the reps and put the time and submit videos to us ahead of time. We'll give you feedback. This is what we do. But nobody does those things, by the way. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Tachiatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Tachiatry is 100% online

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submitted what their talk is, and all three of them aren't good. And she said, I just, I'm in shock. I mean, these people, I guess, weren't doing the work we asked them to do or weren't listening to our guidance or listen to other people's guidance or, you know, or whatever. She said, but any way that you can help if you could jump in,

and I'm not one that's going to, I'm not going to just, you know, force myself on people. But one of these people called me and said, hey, can you help me? I think I might be off course. So I said, yeah, for sure. And jumped on a call. And we completely reworked this person's talk one week out from the talk. But it had to be done. It's so clear to me.

I've been there. I've given the talk. I know how to succeed at the TEDx talk. And I know what not succeeding looks like. So it was crystal clear to me when this person sent me the talk and then did the talk for me. I knew what needed to be done. I've been there. Right. So it was easy for me to say, okay, here's what we need to do. We've got to rework this. It's the only way that it's going to work. I said, but here's the other thing I want you to know is, and I'll never forget this. When I was in corporate America. I was in corporate for almost 25 years. I gave presentations at least two or three times a week in front of, you know, boardrooms, huge rooms of people, sometimes thousands of people on stages. It just depended. That was what I did for a living. I led the sales organization for a large

company, always on stages, always giving presentations. It was normal for my team to get a phone call when we'd be heading to Texas or heading to New York or wherever we're going. It would always be, you know, a day or two out, oh, hey, big changes just occurred, or the client called and the initiative changed. There was always a change, like two days out, sometimes three days out. And I'd have a big presentation I'd be walking into with a team of people. And we'd prep and do the work and create decks. And, like, it was, you know, these were for, you know, $50, $100 million deals. And so there's a lot of pressure. And especially I'm the head of the sales organization.

Like, I need to nail this for my team. I need to win for my team. If I'm the head of it and I'm going in and I'm going to flop, how can I expect them to win, right? So I had a lot of pressure on me. But it became normal that always a couple days before something really huge, we'd get a call and everything would change. And we'd have to completely change the presentation,

which would mean I'm the one standing there speaking. I had to change everything. So my right-hand guy and I, we traveled together all around the country for work and did so many. He was always with me. He was like my guy. I trusted him. He was incredible. Literally my right hand.

We came up with this mantra. In 24 hours, anything is possible. As long as we could get all the changes before 24 hours, we weren't going to worry about it. And so we just changed the way that we thought going into these moments where I'm sure a lot of people would freak out. I used to freak out when I, you know, it first started happening. Oh my gosh, I've worked so hard at this presentation. The deck looks so good. We've got to trash this thing and start over.

But we came up with this new mantra. We accepted it. We knew we had each other's backs. He'd be there to support me. I had faith in myself and my abilities. And I trusted that, okay, this is a challenge. I'm going to rise to the occasion. I can't put all the reps in I'd like to.

I can't practice as much as I'd like to because I don't have the time. But that's okay. I practiced a different way. and now I'm going to, you know, make these changes and make it better. So our new mantra was, in 24 hours, anything is possible. Anything can get done as long as we have the 24 hours. So I shared that with this gentleman the other day. And I just said, listen, I know I told you three months ago to start working on this thing every single day to put the reps in.

I don't want you to freak out because the most important thing is mindset. And I could see that this guy was freaking out. We're completely redoing his talk seven days before these. the event. And I'm sure that's very intimidating and feels unnerving to someone who wants to do a great job, who wants to do the best job possible. But things didn't, you know, he was taking advice from some people who hadn't done the things that he wanted to do and it got him off course. So the good news is, you got seven days. You could make anything happen because you could really do it in 24 hours. So I just wanted to shift his perspective to, we can do this, we've got this. The good news is you're

going to have the right type of a talk. You've got an idea we're sharing. We're going to put some big moments in here for you to really land with people on an emotional level, connecting with them, and sharing this really impactful idea with the world. I'm so excited to see what happens and what transpires. And it's so interesting to my friend's point, some people don't practice at all, and they get up there and nail it. Some people, you know, don't practice at all and they completely bomb and then there's people, you know, all levels in between. You never really know it's going to happen. All you can do are the things that feel best and resonate for you. So I'm grateful that this person called me having had gotten off course. They knew they were off course. They didn't know the

answer. But the key for you to know is this. Go to somebody who's been where you want to go. We can really get far off course when we start taking advice and direction from those who have never been where we want to go. So be really. aware of who you're taking advice, direction, and guidance from. Like I mentioned, I've only got a few seats left in my speaking mastermind. If you need to push yourself to the next level, if you know you need a team of like-minded people surrounding you, elevating you and pushing you to grow, this is it. The growth and accomplishments that are going to happen over the next year are mind-blowing. I can already foresee them. I'm so excited to be a part of this. I'm so inspired. Some of the people on

this team are so incredible and have accomplished so much, so different than me. It's just, it's exciting to be around like-minded people that want everybody to win because a rising tide lifts all boats. And if you're ready for your boat to rise, join my mastermind. Click it in the links below. If you like the show, please share it with someone else. And always, send me questions that you have, DM me any social media, or you can go to Heathermonahan.com and submit an inquiry. I will answer your questions live on the show. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.

I'm on this journey with me.