Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #328: Embrace These 10 Tips To Shift Your Mindset With Heather!

Episode Date: June 7, 2023

Have you been wanting to work with Heather? Her annual elite mastermind is open NOW!   She is only accepting 20 participants this year! Click the link below to learn more and apply now if you are ready to go to the next level! https://bit.ly/hm-cc-mastermind  In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to overcome & RELEASE your anger    Improving your mood to create a STRONG mindset   The key to resetting your day  Resources: Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now. Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off. Show Notes:  This episode is a reminder for myself! There are a million little things that can go wrong, but it doesn't mean we have to let things get to us or hold us back. I’ll share my 10 KEY tips for overcoming your anger, and stepping into the future with a positive and hopeful attitude. It’s time to shift our perspective, and welcome in happiness!  

Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I'm recording this episode for myself. Yes, I was caught up in a bad mood, and I thought it might, listen, maybe somebody else out

there in the world is having a bad mood, dealing with a bad situation, or having a bad day, just like I was. So I thought maybe I would share with you 10 keys to improve your mindset. Maybe even your life. I don't know. But it will definitely help for sure, and it just helped me, and I hope it will help you. I mean, again, these are first world problems. There's nothing going on in my life that is detrimental to my health or, you know, next level. So, So let me just try to keep it real here. I need to remind myself, first and foremost, these are first world problems, and I'm really lucky to have them.

So that's something that I do. That's not even on my list. I just thought of it right now. But first world problems are a blessing because they are first world. Even though they stink when you're in them, right? Like when you don't have that perspective, it's annoying. Here's an example. This is embarrassing, but usually on Sundays we order Instacart because I live in a building

and getting cases of water upstairs or, you know, sparkling water or whatever it is, anything that's in bulk. It's a lot of work. It's a pain. And so first world problem, I want to have it delivered if I can and save time so that we can do other things. So today, the Instacard order came. This is so embarrassing. And it was wrong.

And I was throwing a little tantrum with my son. I was so annoyed, and I just said, you know what, no more Instacart, you're coming with me from now on, and we're unloading the car and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I'm just going Richter basically because the order was wrong, and I was, you know, upset. I know it sounds ridiculous. I get it. But in the moment, right, there was other things going wrong prior to that. Okay, I'm not giving myself excuses. I'm just giving you some context.

So I was already having a bad day prior to that. But again, P.S., this is the same day, and I'm fine right now, which is also kind of funny. So no matter what kind of mood you're in right now, know that it can change so, so quick, when you choose to look at different things. So anyhow, I was having a bad day, frustrated, and then so I decided to lash out at my Instacart order, right? Like I'm putting all the anger on Instacart. And my son was funny.

He said, Mom, what you need to do, this is where it started. He said, you need to message Instacart and tell them they didn't do a good job and let them rectify it, let them fix it. And I looked at him, I said, I'm too busy because I have too much going on. I have a lot going on today. And I say, have a lot going on today. And I don't have time to do that, which makes me even more frustrated because if I had more time, I could handle this properly. So he said, hand me your phone. And he took the phone. He said, I'm going to handle it. I said, well, then don't involve me because I don't have time. Like, I was just trying to put more gasoline on every fire, right? Like, just spinning everything out of control,

not being helpful. He was being helpful, thankfully. It's so key. that you get around calm, sane people when you're having a moment. So I'm lucky he was at home with me when this happened and that he has his mind together today because I don't or I didn't. Anyhow, so he explains me, give me your phone. I'm not going to involve you. I'm not going to bother you. I'm going to handle it myself. And so he did.

So he messaged with everything that was wrong on the order and, you know, that he wanted a solution. And immediately he got back an answer and they credited everything that was wrong. That was it. It probably took a total of three minutes. So a couple of minutes later, he walks over to me. He says, I'm not bothering you. I'm not asking for help with this. I'm going to show you what I did and show you what you were just refunded. He said, can we keep using Instacart from now on? I said, yes, we can. And it was just one of those eye-opening moments that when you're spinning out of control because you're upset about different things, you are not the person to handle challenges, right? You've got to give yourself some grace, hand it over to somebody else,

and allow them to jump in or just press pause. Pressing pause is fine. I should press pause. But I'm grateful I had my son there with me and he was able to handle that situation because that opened my eyes to, wow, this thing I was just spiraling about, acting like I'm so upset we could never use this company again. They fixed it.

There was no emotion around it. They did the right thing. And the problem's been resolved. So there's always a solution. We just have to give ourselves some space sometimes to find. find it or hand it to somebody else to help have them find it. Instacart found it for us. Okay, so once that happened, it kind of changed my mindset a little bit.

I realized, wait, these are first world problems, number one. Number two, they all can be fixed if I would calm down and see it that way. So that made me start thinking about my day in general. And I asked myself this question, Heather, what are you really upset about? because the reality is I wasn't really that upset about Instacart. Had you had video, though, of what happened when the Instacart delivery came, you'd think I was. Because I was sure acting like it, I was throwing a tantrum about it. But that isn't what was really bothering me.

So I had to stop after he fixed the Instacart. He removed the problem. The problem has been resolved. Didn't go ideally, but it's been resolved, handled. There's nothing to complain about. You know, mistakes happen. I know that. But they fixed it.

So now I can't be mad about that. I had to stop and say, what am I really mad about? So as I paused to do that, I thought about my weekend and what was bothering me. And what was interesting is when I thought about my weekend, I was reminded of how many incredible things happened in my life this weekend, how many incredible people showed up in my life this weekend, how many incredible people I met for the first time this weekend, how many people who've been a part of my life for more than a decade were involved in my life this weekend.

and it was amazing. And I had to stop and practice gratitude for a moment and say, oh my gosh, I'm so grateful. I met that woman Friday night and, you know, the conversation we had. And I had no idea that was happening. It just goes to show how anything unexpected could happen in any moment and it can be amazing. And you don't know what's happening next. And for that, you should be excited for what can potentially happen next. And then I reminded myself of a friend that came in from out of town and how I didn't know I was going to see him and how incredible the event was with him and supporting him and then my other friends.

Literally on and on and on, I have 10 different examples this weekend of amazing things that happened, most of which I didn't know a week ago we're going to happen this weekend, and we're incredible. But I was letting the three, quote, unquote, negative things that happened this weekend

overrun all these other positive. And when I mapped it out after the Instacart Awakening, We'll call it the Instacart Awakening. That's good. After that awakening, when I reflected on my weekend, I realized I had way more positive experiences this weekend. There were a couple of negative things that happened, specifically one around one of my businesses that upset me. Other small ones that, they don't upset me, they're just frivolous and I can deal with them next week. But one of them bothered me because it involves somebody who works with me. It involved some behavior I didn't like. It involved some things. things that triggered me, right? So when something triggers you or affects other people that you care about, that can hit you a little harder. For me, anyways, everyone has their own triggers, right? But for me, that affects me in a more profound negative way. And I was really letting it direct what I was focusing on. So going through this exercise of kind of taking a step back and looking at the entire world

instead of that microcosm of that moment was really helpful for me. And I realized I just had a great weekend, yet I'm sitting here in the most beautiful city in the world, looking at the water, so lucky, so blessed, just was at church today hearing a beautiful message from my pastor. One of my good friends came with me for the first time to my church, and I'm so grateful she came with me, and she had an amazing experience, and I was so proud of her and excited. the whole thing is so good, right? Yet I was focusing on the negative. And not only was I not focusing on the real negative, I was focusing on an Instacart order, which is ridiculous. So that's what prompted me to create this episode for you today. Selfishly, it's really for me, because I'm reminding myself, and then I'm going to go replay this. I'm going to save this episode for me and go replay it every time my tailspin around some dumb thing that I can't control that happens. Because

dumb things happen in life that we can't control. And if you're anything like me, every once in a while, you're going to go down the rabbit hole of obsessing about it. And then it's going to consume your day, your mind, and take you nowhere good. So hopefully this episode will help you pull out of it. Hit the eject button and get back to all that is good in the world because there is so flipping much good in the world and what we focus on grows. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with luxe essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts. Their versatile styles make it easy to reach for them day after day.

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And I was focusing on it tremendously, even though behind the scenes, I wasn't realizing I was doing it, but I wasn't focusing on so much good in my business, so much good in my life, so much good, oh my gosh, so much good everywhere and just even in this weekend. Okay, so here are 10 ways to improve your mindset or slash and your life. You're not going to love all of them. That's okay. And maybe you don't need all of them. But think of them as triggers that you have that you can go ahead and pull. Like, oh, hey, I'm going to pull this one and test this one. I'm going to pull this one and test this one out and see which ones work for me, which ones don't. And maybe you use them in different orders. I don't know. And maybe you have some to add.

So if you do DM me, I want to hear, maybe I'm missing some and help a sister out. Give them to me. Okay, this is a good one. And an unfulfilling, unhappy or unhealthy relationship in your life. This is really, really good. Let's use the example of the woman that used to hate me at my old job. That's a relationship in my life. I didn't want to recognize it in that regard, right?

I just saw it as a coworker. That's not real. I worked side by side with that woman for 14 years, knew she could. couldn't stand me. She treated me terribly. I knew it. I knew it was unhealthy. I never addressed, I very rarely addressed it. And if I did, I usually did it in a roundabout way, never was direct about it. I was scared. However, that relationship impacted me in a very negative way in many areas of my life, not just at work. So ending in unfulfilling, unhappy or unhealthy relationship in your life, not only does it free you from that close negativity to that person,

but it affects you in so many different areas of your life, your health, your other relationships, your attitude during the day, right? Like, that woman affected me day in and day out at work, but then I would have this negative feeling outside at work, too, because I started losing my hair, I started throwing my back out. And truly, for me, a lot of that began with this negativity at work, which a lot of that was a direct result of how I let that woman treat me, right? So had I ended that relationship 14 years ago, probably would have never thrown my back out, probably would have never lost the hair, probably would have found a more inspiring career a lot sooner than I did. Take a look in your life. Let's take an inventory right now. What unfulfilling, unhappy,

or unhealthy relationships do you have in your life that you could end, close the door on, so that you can start opening the door to things you deserve. This will help improve your mindset and your life. And that, my friends, is a guarantee. Okay. Number two, have the difficult conversation that you've been avoiding. And this kind of goes back to number one, right? Because in that instance, had I had a direct conversation with her that, hey, I'm confused, that I don't know why you've done A, B, C, and D and treat me like this, but I don't deserve it.

I don't warrant and I'm not going to tolerate it any longer, right? Just in a very straightforward fashion, be direct, ask for what you need, describe what you will no longer tolerate, create boundaries, and pull the trigger. but stop avoiding it. And again, I'm using myself as an example. I've done it too, right? I'm not saying you're any different that I am. I'm saying most of us are in this boat together. And a lot of people are saying, yeah, but that person is my spouse or my parent or my sibling or my child or, you know, someone too close, I can't do it. That's even indicative that you need to do that much more because that person impacts your life that much more. So have the difficult conversation you've been avoiding. I know it's scary, but it's,

It is worth it. It's going to change your mindset, and it's going to change your life for the better. Okay, number three, speak up for yourself, advocate for yourself to be who you are and get what you want. This one's interesting. To me, a lot of this comes from a place of confidence, right? When you're more confident in yourself, and some of this starts with getting rid of negative people in your life, ending unhealthy relationships, having the difficult conversations. This sets you up to better speak up for yourself and advocate for what you want in your life. your life. So the more confident you are, the easier this is, but you can still do it when you're not confident because it will build confidence within you. You could be in a meeting and you're sitting on your ideas because you're afraid that other people are going to judge

you or put you down. Take the risk, right? This number three, speak up for yourself, is really, really important. It's not about the outcome. It's not about if you get the yes or what you want to have happen as a result of it. It's about the act of doing, the act of putting yourself first, the act of saying you're worth it, the act of you saying to you, I'm worth speaking up and taking this risk, regardless of the outcome. Raise your hand, make the ask, you are worth it. Number four, so many people aren't going to like this one. Exercise. Legit, I mean, this is my go-to, it's crazy. I actually have not worked out this weekend, which never happens in my life, ever. Literally, like, 99% of weekends I work out. I have been so busy this weekend. It's

insane. That's part of my, you know, cry me a river, pour me thing that I was doing earlier with Instacart today. I felt all upset because I haven't been able to work out. I've been so busy, but all the things I was busy with were incredible. You know, every once in a while, if I'm not going to work out, I'm going to live. However, I'm sure I would have handled things better this weekend had I been working out. And this was just a good reminder for me. I should have found a way to get my run in. I should have just woken up earlier, right? Like, I just should have figured it out Because had I done that, I would have approached my problems with a better mindset. I would have worked out problems.

I'm sometimes my most creative and best at problem solving when I'm running or spinning or whatever it is that you do. Sometimes my best ideas come to me. Give yourself that chance. Don't cut the thing that's important for your mental state, especially when you need it, right? I did that today. Error. Error Monaghan number 882. Okay, number five, a lot of people aren't going to like this one. I don't always like this one.

Meditate. I look across my life. I like to, do you ever do this, like, try to rise up above your life and say, like, at what points in your life were things going great? And like, what was I doing to create that environment and that life? Live a life by design, not by default, right? So look at your life and say, what times was it going incredible? What times was it not? And what were the things I was doing or not doing that impacted it in that regard? And I'll, I'll, tell you, every time I look back across my life, I've had windows where I meditate and windows where I don't. Meditation was playing a role in my life at some point. It was helping me get rid of problems, get a clear mind, which helped me sleep better, which helped me process anger and issues better. We're all

going to have challenges, right? It's about how we choose to approach them. Meditation is going to help you find solutions. Meditation is going to help you find peace, calmness, and a connection to something much greater than you that will offer you solutions, creativity, and ideas. That I know for sure. And yes, yet again, I haven't done that all weekend either. Shocker. No, not shocker. Number six, a spiritual connection. For me, that's going to church.

Went to church today. It helped immensely. Incredible. Praying for some people is just that spiritual connection. There's so much research that shows prayer works. Don't think of this as something that's elusive or woo-woo. There's research to show this stuff works, right? So whether it's reading a Bible, whether it's listening,

to worship music, which I love, I'm obsessed with worship music these days, whether it's reading positive messages from different books around religion or spiritual nature, spiritual teachings. There's so much. It doesn't just have to be Christian or it can be whatever connects with you. But understanding there's something so much greater than all of us out there. And when you surrender to that power and ask for guidance, ask for answers, for signs. I do it every single day. God, please close the doors on that which is no longer meant for me. Please open the door to that, which is, Lord, please show me the signs, the inspired thought, and I receive your blessings today and every day with so much gratitude. Whatever it is for you,

prayer, anything, going to church, meeting with people and community around religion, spiritual nature, I don't know. Whatever it is, it doesn't have to be labeled the way I do it, but find some type of practice, this will help you immensely. If your anxiety, depression, or ADHD are more than a rough patch, you don't need just another meditation app. Tachiatry makes it easy to see a psychiatrist online using your insurance in days. Tachiatry is 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. Unlike therapy-only apps,

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This is when I think back about my weekend. This is crazy. I spent time this weekend with friends I had just met, literally. I was set up on a blind first date with a girl, not like a date date, like a friend date. Another friend of mine said, you've got to meet this woman. She just moved from New York. You're going to love her. And I was apprehensive to go because I don't have a lot of time.

I have a child. I'm like, oh gosh, why am I doing this? But you know what? I trust my friend. She asked me to do it. I went not really excited about it. I met the greatest woman. And I love her.

We hit it off instantly. And I got a new bro. in my field. Like, I'm so happy. I'm so excited about our friendship. I'm so excited about her life. She was telling me so many great things about what she's up to. I left this random meeting slash dinner with a new friend and someone that I don't know what the future holds for her and I, but I can tell it's going to be great. I'm super excited. So spend time with people that uplift you. This weekend I spent time with a number of people that I've known for years that uplift me as well. It wasn't just that woman, you know, which happened by an introduction through another woman,

but really about, you know, picking and curating the people you're spending time with and then noticing good people introduce you to good people. Take the chance, make the time, go meet the people they want you to meet. I went to another event this weekend that one of my friend's friend was hosting. I didn't know the woman hosting it, but my friend wanted me to go because she was going. And I met great people and was a part of something so positive and felt really, grateful for it. So make time for friends that uplift you and fire the ones that don't. Okay, number eight, quit the job that drains you. This is huge. Most of us spend more time working than we do

doing anything else. If you're not doing purpose-driven work that fulfills you, that excites you, and again, I'm not saying everyone has to have a job that is around charity or I'm not seeing that. I'm all about living in a capitalist country and making money. Love making money. Love it. Love creating value and love monetizing it. However, it's something much different to work in an environment where you leave feeling drained every day, to work with people who don't have your back, to work with people that sabotage you, to do work that isn't rewarding, that's soul-crushing. And there's no space for that in my life. So I hope you feel that same way that you're worth more than that. And yes, I know it can feel scary, but quit the job that drains you. Quit the job that

isn't filling you up. You're spending way too much of your life there. And that's something on your deathbed you will regret. Pull the trigger. This is your reminder. This week is the week. Quit. Okay, number nine, take a step back from it in practice gratitude. Oh, okay, I wrote this when I was all irritated earlier. So basic thing, we talk about it every day. Practice gratitude. What are you grateful for? I was focusing on, I'm just using myself as an example, I was focusing on the screwed up Instacart order. That was consuming my mind. Yeah, I know it's embarrassing. That's me, Heather, embarrassing at times. But it was consuming my mind. Instead of focusing on the Instacart order, I needed to step back and focus on all the amazing things that had

just happened since from Friday to Sunday this weekend. There was so much. 90% of it was amazing, and I was focusing on the 10% that stunk. So lift your head up, focus on and make a list of everything that you can be grateful for right now, or just this weekend or this week or this month or this year or whatever. But realize there's so much more good and the more we focus on the good, we feed the good, we grow the good in our life. And that's something you have total control over. Number 10, be open to the idea that you don't have all the answers or know what's about to happen next. And this is something I'm reminded of all the time. Listen, the best is yet to come. The more we embrace that and let go this idea that, oh, I'm dealing with so many problems, this is so awful.

Okay, that's the moment that you might be in right there. But we don't really have all the answers to what's coming next. We don't have any idea. And I'm reminded about that this weekend. I didn't know I was going to meet that girl five days ago that I was going to have this amazing night with her and hang out with her and have a whole new friendship because of it. I don't know what new doors that relationship is going to open in my life, but I'm super excited to see. And the more we embrace that unknown and start getting excited about it, the more positive occurrences we are going to draw to us, the more positive people we're going to draw to us,

and the more we cut the negative people out, the more space we make for positive occurrences to come. So be open to the idea. You don't have all the answers, and that's okay. You also don't know what's about to happen next. And that, my friends, is really exciting. Okay, I'm going to leave you with one bonus note because a good friend of mine's in town. He was giving a speech. I'm actually having dinner with him tonight. Incredible human. Tim's story, he wrote a book about the miracle mindset. He was giving a speech the other day that I attended about adopting a miracle mindset. And I'm going to give you the crux of it. You know, what you expect is what you're allowing for in your life. So his concept and his theory is all around. Of course miracles are coming. Why wouldn't they be? They're coming next. They're coming today. They're coming. They're coming.

coming tomorrow, and I'm so excited to receive them. And when you start approaching life that way, you start owning a miracle mentality, you start receiving miracles. I've seen it happen in my own life. I'm so excited to have dinner with him tonight because he's always talking about these new miracles that are happening for him and happening in his life around him and embracing it and expecting it and allowing it. And being around people like that with that mindset is bringing so much more positivity into my life. So yes, I had moments. today where I was really down and being negative and I was saying I was having a bad day. But the reality was I had a bad moment. They were all resolved rather quickly.

Nothing really big changed in my environment or in my life. It was more about my mindset and what I chose to focus on. So embrace the miracle mindset. Start expecting miracles. Why not? Start receiving them. The more you expect them, the more you allow for them, the more you will be receiving them. And realize, no matter what challenge you're facing today, we've got at least 10 different ways for you to tackle them, change them, change your situation, change your mindset, and change your life. Until next week, keep creating confidence. You know I will be.