Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #329: It’s Time For You To GROW Exponentially With Dr. Benjamin Hardy Transformational Psychologist

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Attend Heather’s Sales & Confidence Masterclass June 24th & 25th! https://heathermonahan.com/sales-confidence-masterclass/ In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to give yourself the space to GROW   The KEY formula for getting exponential results   Why 10x growth is easier than 2x  Getting clear on your future goals   Resources: Website: www.benjaminhardy.com  Read 10x Is Easier Than 2x LinkedIn: @Benjamin Hardy  Instagram: @benjamin_hardy_phd Youtube: @dr.benjaminhardy Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan So take the next step to earning 7 figures with your business… listen to The Millionaire University Podcast! Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off.  Just go to fixswollenfeet.com/confidence to get 58% OFF NativePath Antarctic Krill. Show Notes:  Do you know what you really want in life? Well, it’s time to give yourself the space and time to learn what you truly NEED to live a fulfilled life! Dr. Benjamin Hardy, transformational psychologist and 8 time author joins us on the show today, to teach us how to STRETCH our time, so we can create the lives we want! Tune in to discover Dr. Hardy’s key practices that will take you to the NEXT LEVEL of growth.  About The Guest: Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist, and the author of 8 books! His work focuses on exponential growth and transformational tools to help you STRETCH time. Yep, you heard that right! He’s here to help us get in touch with our true identity and grow into the best version of ourselves.    If You Liked This Episode You Might Also Like These Episodes: Answering Your Burning Questions With Heather! INCREASE Your Wealth & Embrace The Money Mindset With Heather!  What It ACTUALLY Takes To LEAD With Matt Mayberry Former NFL Linebacker & Leadership Development Expert 

If there's an empty plot of dirt, it's not going to stay empty. Like, weeds are going to start growing unless you plant something in there. And so why I say that is that if you don't give yourself space, it's all filled up. Whether that's your time and attention are all absorbed in social media or work or busyness, even before confidence and even before you make a commitment, is like actually give yourself space. Creating that space and getting really honest with yourself about what you actually want. Most people really have a hard time clarifying what they want. because they haven't given themselves a space to be honest with themselves. And they're actually

afraid to be honest with themselves and definitely afraid to be honest with other people. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet our guests this week. Dr. Benjamin Hardy is an organizational psychologist and author of eight books which have sold nearly one million copies. His work focuses on the psychology of exponential growth and transformation, future self science, which is incredible, and entrepreneurship. In 2018, he and his wife went from,

get ready for it, zero to five kids in one year, adopting three from foster system and having twins. They now have six kids and are living in Orlando. Dr. Hardy, thank you so much for being here with us. I'm very happy to be with you. Okay, well, let's get into it. I will tell you. I will tell you, you, one of the things that I've consumed so much of your content, your books, I love that you approach this growth journey from a place of psychology, from a place of faith. And I think not knowing you personally yet, I think a lot of must have to do with your own journey. And I was wondering if you could share a little bit of backstory with us for how you got into this work and why you're so passionate about it. Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, I grew up in the

oldest of three boys. I would say the main components of what led me into psychology and interest in this were a few things. One was my parents obviously getting divorced and my dad, you know, he became a pretty extreme drug addict during that phase. And my life was just very chaotic, barely graduate high school and a lot of suppressed trauma and just uncertainty. I will say, though, that through all that, I definitely had a huge relationship with God and had faith, even though like we as a family, we stopped like attending church and things like that, I still felt very connected to God, even when my life seemed like a mess, and even when I wasn't necessarily going down a great track, but I did end up going and choosing to serve a two-year church mission, which was huge for me.

That was like a point of no return. And so for me, that was, that really changed my life. I learned a lot, obviously. And when I came home, I guess one thing I'll say about that, that experience was, obviously you're doing a lot of community service, you're teaching people about faith, but you're also kind of just helping people in small and big ways. But really pivotally, it was during that time that I got really into reading. Like I was never a reader, never a studier. Like I barely graduate high school, but I read, read, read, red, red. I just fell in love with learning during that experience. I was reading like, you know, more spiritual stuff, more gospel stuff. I was reading lots of psychology. I was reading lots of self-development.

And I was also journaling a lot. And I, it was, It was during that experience that I really fell in love with writing, fell in love with learning, and ultimately decided on that experience that I was going to become an author and study psychology. I just didn't know how it all unfold. And so when I came home from that, I went and studied psychology. And ultimately I ended up going down a path of studying business psychology and writing these mainstream business and psychology books. But faith is a huge part of it all for me.

And obviously continues to be. First of all, I just so appreciate you sharing that because it makes it so much more relatable. oftentimes people see someone who's achieved massive success like you have. You're a doctor, you know, a psychologist, and they put these people on pedestals. And it's so refreshing to hear, like you got real world problems like the rest of us. So I appreciate you shooting us straight on. Got some serious world world. I mean, we have six kids now and like three of them we adopted. And it is not always pretty, you know, like on the daily, it's not pretty, but it's beautiful. And so I think it's great. I love that you're really living what you're teaching. That's,

that's one of the messages that I take away from your books and your content. And I want to talk about specifically 10x is easier than 2x, your new book that just came out. And I'm so excited for you to break down for us how you've built this life for yourself and how you're teaching us how to do it. Because the whole concept of 10xing being easier than 2X, sorry, the math doesn't work. Right. Like just when you read the title, they're like, no, actually it doesn't. However, once you read the book, it's so obvious.

And I love that you begin with a story of Michelangelo. And I was hoping you could share a little bit about that story. Absolutely. Yeah, so I mean, Michelangelo, obviously, he's one of the most famous artists of, at least since the Renaissance. And he's very famous, obviously, for his Pieta, which is the mother, you know, Mary, Virgin Mary in Christ statue in St. Peter's. He did that when he was 24 years old. He's obviously very famous for the David's. statue, 17-foot David statue and painting the Sistine Chapel. But his story is really interesting.

And I think it's a really good example of kind of what it means to go 10x. And so I guess I'll just share some of the highlights from the story. I fell in love with his story. We went to Italy and over the summer and I just, I fell in love with all things, Michelangelo. But it was really interesting because when I was studying about him and I kind of start the book this way, but 10x is really about quality. A lot of times people think about 10x as like, you know, you make 10 times more money or you've got 10 times more clients. And that's a lot of you. certainly can be a 10x, but I think like the more fundamental is a transformation that occurs. So like I consider like a child going from crawling to walking to be a 10x. They're not going

back to the crawler. As a walker, they've got a lot of different potential and options that they didn't have as a crawler. Right. So like that's, that's a quantum leap. That's more of what I would call like a qualitative change, which opens up a lot of different potential. Although I'm totally fine if you just want to add a zero and go for that. There's nothing wrong with that as well. But Michelangelo is one of those people who's really a beautiful example of someone who went 10x over and over and over again, and he became a master at what he did. And the quality of his work obviously reached levels where we are still in awe of it. So, like, I just think it's really interesting when you study, like, his progression. He was a 17-year-old kid, and he wanted to

create his first life-type statue, you know, a nine-foot Hercules, and he just knew he couldn't do it. And so that, like, led him into a deep form of mastery. And ultimately, you know, he was dissecting dozens and dozens of corpses, but he really just wanted to know how the body worked, because he wanted to represent in his statues, he wanted them to feel like they're alive. One of the things I really love about that, and what I love about his story is, is, like, he was not great in the beginning,

but, like, he went deep, and he developed that mastery, and, you know, his first statue was probably okay. We actually don't even have access to it. Like, someone stole the Hercules. But, like, he took that win, and then he did it again. And then he did it again, you know, and then he did the Pieta,

and then he did it again, and he did the David, you know, and then he did it again. And he's just an example of someone who, who never stopped his progression. Like, he just kept going deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and getting better and better. And quality really is how you get exponential results. Quality is how you go 10x. Like, if you're going to go for 2x, you're just going to do more of what you're doing now. It's not very creative.

It's not very transformational. But if you want to get exponential results, like even Mr. Beast, Mr. Beast is someone who really fascinates me. He's obviously a huge YouTuber, but he says if you want to get exponential results, do less but better. Like, it's not about volume. It's not about making 50 YouTube videos. It's about making like five really good ones. And just it's about getting better at what you do. And so Michelangelo is just the key example of that. At one point, you're teaching with the David, specifically about stripping away all the things that aren't the David in order. Can you talk us through a little bit

how that applies to our lives? You've heard of the 80-20 rule, right? Famous, and I'm sure your audience knows about the 80-20 rule. Just the idea that 80% of your results comes from 20% of what you do. And that's just kind of like a famous concept. And so how I look at the David, you know, so obviously Michelangelo made the David and when the Pope, the Pope fell in love with his work

and the Pope wanted him to come and build his tomb, like literally like built his tomb out of stone and stuff like that. And then ultimately the Pope fell in love with him and wanted him to paint the Sistine Chapel and stuff. But he was always asking Michelangelo about the David statue just because that's the most ridiculous piece of art ever. It's so beautiful. And Michelangelo just basically said, you know, it was really, I just took everything away that's not David. He just stripped everything away that's not the David. He just kept doing that over and over

again. And how we look at the difference between 10x and 2x, just as mindsets is, is like, if you're going to go for 2x, which is very linear, meaning like it's just a continuation of what you're doing, 2x is really what 2x means fundamentally is that you're letting the past to drive the present and you're letting the present dictate what you do in the future. So you're just essentially doing more of what you're already doing. Maybe you're just tweaking it a little bit. So like with the 80-20 principle, basically how we say it is that if you want to go for 2x, you can actually keep 80% of everything you're doing right now.

So like as was stated, my books have sold like a million copies. So if I just want to go for 2x, I don't really have to change that much. I just keep doing more of what I've already done to get to this point. Maybe I tweak it a little bit, work a little harder. But 10x is like the opposite. So 10x is obviously it comes from an amazing. amazingly imagined future. Like, I would say intrinsically,

we all have that call to adventure, that all, you know, the hero's journey. Like, we all have that call, that desire, but we kind of suppress it, that thing that we really want to do, but we kind of numb it. Rather than letting the present drive the future, you're actually starting to let the future drive the present.

And it's a much bigger future. And so basically to the idea of the 80-20, and this is just kind of the model of the book, and it fits with stripping away everything that's not the David, how I look at it is, is that your future self, your 10x future self, whoever you are at your own next level, whatever that looks like to you, your own next level future self, I just call it your 10x future self, but that's the David. And in order to become your David, you have to strip

away everything that's not the David. And using the 80-20, that's 80% of your life right now. So like your 10x feature self is a really intense filter and pretty much it filters out 80% of what, who you are right now. Like 80% of your, 80% of your life right now is a distraction from your 10x and really it invites you to simplify your life down and go go into the 20% and really get good at the few things that you're going to get really high quality like to the idea of quality. And how I look at the 80% is is your past self and your present self. It's really your security. It's the things in your life that are what got you here, but they're not going to get you there. But you're keeping them out of security. They could be

habits. They could be relationships. They honestly could be clients. They could be a job. They could be social media. They could be alcohol. I don't really know what your 80% is, just speaking to whoever's listening, but you let the future decide what that 80% is rather than just continuing doing what you're doing. Like you say, who's my future self? Who's the person I really want to be? And what do they want me to do? And it's a lot higher bar. And so they, you know, 80% of your life is a distraction if you're going to operate in that way, which actually makes things a lot simpler. Starting the year with a wardrobe refresh, Quince has you covered with lux essentials that feel effortless and look polished. They're perfect for layering, mixing, and building a wardrobe that lasts.

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And what is the goal with that letter? So I have to geek out with you for a second. So obviously, like I wrote the book Be Your Future Self now, but I just want to geek out this book right now, and this is not for me. This is from one of the top researchers on the subject. His name's Hal Herschfield. This book came out this week. I know I'm literally promoting someone else's book.

But he is one of the top researchers on the subject. It's called Your Future Self. So I'm like, I'm literally promoting Hal Herschfield's book, but I'm totally down with that because like there's so much good research on the topic. He has, he's actually one of the researchers over the last 15 years who's done a lot of that work on connecting with your future self. Here's kind of the idea. I'll keep it really simple.

but most people don't spend that much time thinking about their future self. And what the common approach is is to overly assume that who you are now is for the most part who you're going to be in the future. So even like call it 10 years in the future, most people simply because they don't think about it very much, they tend to think that for the most part, who they are now is who their future self will be, maybe a little bit of tweaks, right? Like that's kind of the two-x thinking. But the truth is that you're not the same person you were five years ago. Like you've, you know, you're not the same person. You've got a different worldview. I mean, if you really actually, and this is for you, but it's also for all the listeners,

like literally go back to 2018 and think about what your life was like. Think about what you were focused on. Think about what you cared about, what you prioritized, like what your vision was. Like, just think about who you were in 2018 and think about the differences. There's probably quite a few, right? There's probably a lot of differences. Even in how you see the world and what your standards are and what you say yes to and what you say no to, right? Huge, hugely. I had just been fired from my C-suite position in corporate America, had no idea what I was going to do for a living, did not have any published books, did not have a podcast, was not a professional speech. Look at it. Look at all this. My life was, I lived in a different

place. I mean, my life was entire. I was engaged to somebody who I am no longer with. Like, my whole life was different. What I love about that is, is that that version of you, not only was in a totally different situation, but you also had a totally different identity and a totally different view of reality. Like, there's that, there's that quote that says, we don't see the world as it is, but we see it as we are. So how you see the world, the types of decisions you make, what you're attracted to,

what you're not attracted to, what you care about, what you don't care about. So the main point here is that you're not your past self. I argue you're not even your past self yesterday, that there are differences. And if you actually thought about it

on a daily basis, how am I different than I was when I woke up? You could actually clarify and identify things that are different now. But the same is very true of your future self. And this is a key thing is that your future self, even a year from now, is a different person than you.

They're in a different place. they've got different cares, different concerns. And especially as you get further and further out into the future, they're a very different person. And they do have different priorities, different values, different goals, different perspectives. That's like a key insight 101. Like for me, it actually helps me realize that my current self is very temporary and that it's okay for me to not need to have all the answers.

I don't need to, you know, prove myself. I actually can just know that in the future I'm going to be different and also better informed. But there's a lot of research on. just the idea of getting connected to your future self, because the more connected you are to your future self, the better you can handle the present. You know, it's like very much Victor Frankel, if you've read Man Search for Meaning. Victor Frankel, he's like this famous psychiatrist who lived through the Holocaust. And he wrote a book called Man Search for Meaning. Honestly, one of the best books ever written. But his whole book is about what happened when people lost hope in the

concentration camps in the Holocaust. And everything he did was to help them have hope in the future, because if you don't have hope in the future, then your present has no meaning. Like you really, and so that's why he would say when the Y is strong enough, you can bear anyhow. And so the only reason I say that is, is that getting really clear on your future self and getting really connected with your future self, it helps you operate a lot differently in the present and a lot better in the present. I could think about my future self three years from now. And I could, right now, we're on June 9th, 2020.

So I could think about June 9th, 26. And I could think, well, where do I want my life to be? What's going to matter in 2026 to me? My kids are all going to be three years older. Where do I want my work? Where do I want my career? What are all my health? What's going to matter at that point in time?

And actually taking time to think about it. As one example, I can think about my future self and kind of write down goals or I can really think about the person I want to be and think about the situation and think about who that person actually is and what matters to them and begin to be open to the idea that what matters to me isn't going to matter to them. And so what will matter to them and actually think about it. I could do two things. I could write a letter to my future self, which I've ever.

actually done. And actually, you could even do a time capsule. Like, I mean my wife did this right when we got married. We like wrote time caps. We wrote letters to our future selves. And we opened them on our 10 year anniversary. We actually did that. We had a time capsule for 10, like 9, 10 years. So you can write letters to your future selves, which is really fun. But you can also do the opposite where you put yourself into the mindset of your future self. Call it three years from now, one year from now, five years from now. Put yourself into the mindset of your future self and actually write a letter from your future self to your current self. And that really helps you to just get more and more connected and to see what your future self would say to you. It's just a practice of getting connected to your future self,

and it really helps. You said empathy is an emotion that can allow you to connect to that future self. How does that work? To the idea that your future self is a different person than you and that they have a different perspective, like a lack of empathy would be to project your own views onto the other person. So like if I have no empathy for you, I assume that you agree. agree with everything I'm saying. And I also, like, assume that you've, you see things the exact same way as me or I don't even, I don't even, you know, like, and so, like, empathy is just, like, really trying to understand where the other person is coming from. And, like, actually, like, being, being okay with the fact that, like, they're coming from a different point of view. Maybe they think

things differently. They see things differently. Empathy and compassion is a lot more open of a place than, like, judgmental, like, thinking that you're right, they're wrong. Like, empathy is a lot more open. It's considered, it's, it's a very healthy place for, obviously, relationships, connection, understanding. And when it comes to your past self, it's really important to have empathy because they did have a different situation than you. They were dealing with different things than you. And there's no psychological benefits to being mad at your past or to being even mad or frustrated at your own past self and even choices you made. There's, you get no value out of anger or frustration towards your past. The healing really starts when you have empathy towards your

past self and just recognize that they were in a different place. They had different perspectives. They were dealing with different things. And you would now do things differently because you're not the same person as them. What happens when you do get, because you know so many people, myself included as so many people listening, we do get upset with our past selves. What do we do to ourselves when we focus on that? Well, you would only be mad at your past self or mad at someone else in the past, if you believe that the past is happening to you, right? That you believe that your life is the way it is because of the past. And I don't really like to use this language, but that's kind of like a victim mindset. That's also a mindset that stunts your potential in the

present and the future. So like a much more powerful and healthy approach psychologically is rather than the past is driving the present, it's actually the present that dictates the past. What I mean by that is, is that in the present, I can go back and I can reshape. the meaning of my past. Like, I can go back and I can go back even to the story I told you at the beginning. My father becoming a drug addict and my parents getting divorced, right? So, like, I'm not saying that that didn't happen and I'm not saying it didn't hurt. And I'm not also saying that even through my teenage years, I didn't do a lot of dumb things, right? But the truth is, is like, if me, the version of me that I'm talking to you right now, I can look back on that 11-year-old

version of me or even that 15-year-old version of me. And I can have massive empathy for that person. Like that person was dealing with things that I now, I'm not dealing with, but also I understand things that they didn't understand, right? Like, I'm not in their situation. I'm not in their shoes. I don't have the limitations that they had. I don't have like even the emotions, like of a 15-year-old kid trying to like handle that situation while also like trying to be cool. And so like, I'm just not that guy. I'm not that same person.

But I can strive to have empathy towards that person and compassion and understanding. But I also have agency in the present. Like in the present, I can actually shape how I feel about that past self and what that means. And also, I can either be mad at that person or I can be proud of that person. I can also apply that same thing to my dad, right? My dad, the dad of my past, right, who made those decisions, who's not the same person as he is today. But I could still be mad at that person who he was, who he's not today. And I can hold on to all this baggage, all this grief, all this anger.

or I can choose to shift how I feel about it, and I can choose to forgive and have empathy and compassion towards what he was dealing with, and choose to imbue a different meaning. Rather than saying it happened to me, right? I could say all of these reasons why it happened for me. And so it's really just important to realize that it's the present that shapes the meaning of the past.

It's not the past that shapes the meaning of the present. Also, it's your choice whether the past is an asset or a liability. So if it's a liability, then what? What that means is that you believe that the past is costing the present and the future and that you're continuously worse off because of what occurred. And that's what trauma is. And the opposite of that, which is post-traumatic growth, is that you actually get to continuously elevate the meaning of the past and the usefulness of the past such that it's

an incredible asset that continues to pay you in the present and future. And it makes your life better and better because you have all this knowledge, insight, understanding, and it enables you to do a lot of things. and you're now, you actually believe it is an asset that's making your present and future better and bigger because you had those experiences. But it's the same experience. It's just you choosing to frame it one way or another and getting value out of it or devaluing it. Well, when you realize that you're actually supporting and allowing yourself massive growth,

like 10x style growth, if you start viewing it that way, it just, the ROI is there, like, put the effort in to choose to see it differently, especially if the other way hasn't been paying off. for you. You talk a lot about goal setting and having just a few goals. Why is that so important to have a 10x like? So like I was saying with Michelangelo, 10x is about quality, not quantity. Quantity is more of a 2x mindset where you're doing a lot of things, but you're not doing any of them excellent. And so to go 10x or to make any form of leap in your life, you have to actually clarify really what matters to your future self. Like what, and I love the quote in Alcoholics Anonymous that all progress starts by telling the

truth. Like that could include truth about challenges you've gotten through in the past, but also is truth about what you most deeply want as a person. And just like really a clarifying and identifying that. And then from there, really clarifying, what are the few things? And that's what I'll call that 20%. What are those few things that really matter that are the essential that you want to invest in and really go deep on and like really get good at, become excellent at, become a master at? And then openly, letting go of the 80% of your life right now that is commitments of your past, you know, whether it's honestly, like anyone who's listening and you included, like, we'll see that you've done this many times. Like, if I look at myself when I was 18 years old

and I was getting ready to go on that church mission, that was my future self. I wanted to get on a mission, but there was a 20% I needed to focus on if I was serious about that mission. I had to get, like, really develop my relationship with God. I had to like, there were certain things I needed to do, but there was a massive 80% that I had to let go of. I played video games 15 hours a day. I played World of Warcraft all day. I had friends that were drug addicts, right? Like I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I harbored a lot of anger towards both of my parents. That was something I had to let go of if I wanted to get on that mission, right? And so, like, I did all that.

I let those old things go that I had held on to or maybe even that had served me for a time, but that my future, again, the idea of 10x is that your future dictates who you are and what you do in the present, whereas 2x means you're letting the present dictate what you do in the future. So the, so the present is, sorry, 2X is kind of like taking your current situation and moving forward, whereas 10x is letting what you most deeply want dictate what you're doing. I could lay out the times I've done this, but I think the useful thing for you and for the listener is to think, when did you make some commitment? You know, I know you've written books and all these things you've done.

Like you, you had that future self. And it encouraged and invited you to go deep on a few things, your books, your podcast. Like that became your 20% that you're developing extreme mastery and you're becoming amazing. Like if you compared how, you know, the quality of, I'll call it your 20%, the quality of, I'll call it your 20%, the quality of what you do in those few areas versus where you are, where you were even in those things two years ago. You're so much better in those things

and you're going deeper, but you also had to let go of a lot of things to increase your commitment to that 20%. So you've let go of a lot of things to get yourself to where you're at. And you've done that many times before. When you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent

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and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Visit northwestregisteredagent.com slash confidencefree and start building something amazing. Get more with Northwest Registered Agent at www. northwestredgisteredagent.com slash confidence free. A lot of limiting beliefs, labels, and things that were anchored in the past, that was a big eye-opener for me in reading your work is that, you know, so much of it is just because we've only seen ourselves in one way and we're allowing to let the past continue to dictate our present and therefore our future, if we choose to let go of that. And like you're saying, let go of that

concept, let go of that label, let go of that relationship, that job, all of these different things, when those things happen, yes, it's scary because it's that unknown, but you're also stepping into that possibility. And I like that you talk a lot about the goal setting, the visualization, the feeling, the feelings of being that future self, because these are the things that I would have to close my eyes and do in preparing, not knowing where I was going, feeling completely nervous. I didn't know that I had been in a situation like that before or I was forgetting that I had been and that I would potentially thrive and survive and make it through. So how do you help people to build confidence in those important moments of time?

So Dan Sullivan, who is the co-author of this book with me, he has like a, he calls it the four C's formula. But really, confidence comes long after commitment. So like the first place to actually start is commitment. That would be like Dan's first C. And before you even make a commitment, you, you want to start to be really honest with yourself. Like, you know, all progress starts by telling the truth. One of the things that Aristotle said, Aristotle said that nature of,

a pours a vacuum. That's kind of a really weird statement. But basically the main idea is, is that, like, if there's empty space, it's going to get filled. If there's an empty plot of dirt, like, it's not going to stay empty. Like, weeds are going to start growing unless you plant something in there. And so why I say that is, is that if you don't give yourself space, it's all filled up, whether that's your time and attention are all absorbed in social media or work or busyness, even before confidence and even before you make a commitment, is like, actually give yourself space. Like, give yourself space.

And I would say, don't do it once. Like, actually schedule it in as a regular component, design it in as a regular part of your week, maybe even a regular part of your day where you just have 20, 30 minutes of space. Maybe on a weekly basis, you have like a day where a couple hours you've got space. And that space, you could honestly just go on a drive.

You can sit in your journal. You could go on a walk. But like, actually design in space where you can start to talk to yourself and start to be honest with yourself, maybe start to journal, start to think about things, continuously get clear and clearer, have conversations, but creating that space and getting really

honest with yourself about what you actually want. Most people really have a hard time clarifying what they want because they haven't given themselves as a space to be honest with themselves. And they're actually afraid to be honest with themselves. And definitely afraid to be honest with other people, all progress starts by telling the truth. And so I think once you start to really be honest with yourself, and that's why I say the 10x feature self is the David and that you start stripping away everything that's not that. And you're peeling away the layers of everything that you don't want or that you think you need or that you think other people think you need or like you're trying to compete or compare or whatever.

Like you start just stripping that away and you just honestly just start getting to the core of who you are. And then you start living with an intrinsic motivation and just honesty. And so from there, once you actually clarify what you want, then you can decide if you want to commit to it, which I would recommend you do. And then from commitment, that leads to like, you know, Dan's four C's, which would be like, commitment leads to courage, you know, because you're now being courageous towards your commitment or even like letting your commitment come to you,

it takes a lot of commitment to let go the 80% of your life. Like, let me give an example. I mean, I'll give a few different examples. So like, I just can't talk about my life right now. So like I would say that I've like in 2023 as we're filming this, like I've completed what I would call like a 10x adventure over the last five years. So in 2018, I actually started the collaboration with Dan to write these books. 10x is easier than 2x, who not how in the gap in the game.

Like that I started in 2018. I published my first book in 2018. We went from zero to five kids in 2018. We moved to Orlando in 2018. So that year was kind of the start of like a massive 10x adventure. And like this year I kind of got to the end of it where it's like a lot of what I did reached its climax, you know? And like I could continue doing it.

But at that point, I'm just kind of maintaining the present rather than reconnecting to what's that next call to adventure. Like what's that next thing that my, that really my next feature self? And so getting connected to the future, again, from where I'm at now, with everything I've learned, when you're looking at your present life from the perspective of your future self, it looks very different. And so this is why I think it's powerful to let the future dictate not only what matters in the present, but what you say yes to, what you say no to, what you prioritize. And because I'm now reaching a place of a next journey, it's led me to having to let go of a lot of things, even the relationship with Dan. I'm not writing any other books with them. 10x is easier than 2x is the last,

the final of the trilogy. I could have done many more, but it ceased to be a 10x opportunity for me, even though I'm very grateful for it, very proud of it, nothing but positive emotions towards it. But even a lot of the groups I've been a part of, no longer part of those anymore,

like letting those go. Also even in this, this is an interesting one where it's like, even like me, I've had a coaching program, really high level entrepreneurial coaching program, for like five years. And I decided this year that this is my last year doing it. And so like, I'm literally letting go of about 70% of my income at the end of this year. But that's that whole

idea of creating the vacuum, creating the space, stripping away the 80% and creating the space so that your next level feature self can start coming to you. Because one of the biggest leaps of faith is actually to let go of your security blanket. And that 80% of your life right now that is security, you're keeping it out of emotional security, even if it's like a job or a boyfriend or like honestly habits, addictions. Like all those things are kept for security reasons. But if you start really clarifying your future self

and letting the future self filter out what you say yes and no to, then even some of the best things in your life got you here but won't get you there. In my case, writing books with Dan was just one of those things where it's like, that was amazing, but my future self now says no. So do you feel scared? I mean, I know that you write about all this, you teach about this, but hearing that you're giving up, and I understand why you're walking away from these things,

but do you feel scared the way that I did when I was moving into that unknown window? 100%. Yeah, I would say I've been pretty stressed lately. But you just know, you know what's the right thing to do so you're just being disciplined. What role does faith play in that for you?

That's a really cool question, actually, because I don't think I addressed that in the book. For me, faith has a huge component of it. For one, like I do believe that God opens up massive doors for me, I actually collaborate with God on my future self. You know, like, I'm very open to like, God, what do you want me to do? Like, what do you want me to focus on now?

And I believe God also gives me huge amounts of choice in that. And so, but I'm also very open that sometimes, you know, he wants me to go a different direction than I thought I wanted to go, you know. But I was, so it's kind of one of those paradoxes where it's like, I do have a lot of choice. But also just the faith itself to, like, know that I can figure it out. I will figure it out. If I pray and ask God for help, like help will come.

And so, yeah, I think my faith gives me a lot of confidence. I think that faith, from my standpoint, faith is actually more powerful than confidence. But faith also enables confidence. Faith can also be that cornerstone and rock of confidence, I feel like in your life. Totally. What about for people who don't have a spiritual connection or strong connection with God, can they still find success? It depends on how you define success, obviously.

Everyone has a different definition of success. but yeah, I think that people can grow, people can make progress, whether they have a belief in God or not, and they can have meaningful progress. And honestly, they can do great and important things. But I think as we go through different stages, this is back to that idea that your future self is a different person than you. There's a really cool book, actually. It's a psychology book called Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life. Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life. And the Second Half of Life is not about an age. It's really about just a stage of maturity. But in that book, the psychologist who wrote it talks about how the first half of life is all about acquisition, acquiring things. Like you're acquiring education, you're acquiring friends, you're acquiring stuff, a house, an identity, all those things.

And it's really social. It's external. And he talks about how the second half of life is all about relinquishment. It's all about letting things go. It's all about like letting go of your identity, letting go of all the stuff, simplifying, stripping things down. And it's all about rather than it being social, it's actually spiritual. It's more internal. It's a deeper internal path and progress. And I really look at it that way. So it's like even if someone doesn't have a belief in God, like I think that over time as they reach certain stages, and I'm talking to myself as well, you do shift from more of an external focus to more of an internal and you start to ask harder questions and you start to get to a point of stripping away, you know, relinquishing identities, jobs, situations. You know, there's so many things you start letting go. And you start to ask harder questions. And you start to ask harder questions. And you start to start of even just stuff. And so, yeah, I think that that's part of the journey. And I think that for me, when I was thinking about 10x is easier than 2x and just kind of that idea in general, that when you're

going to your next level, whatever that looks like in your life and you're willing to listen to yourself and commit and also go through a transformational process, you're going to have to strip away and let go of a lot of who you've been to do that. And that's your past self. That's who you were. it's not who you are. And it does take a commitment and courage to let go of your security blankets. But that's also where freedom is. That's where choices. That's where growth is. That's where healing and transformation are. And so every time I go through a quote unquote 10x cycle, I let go of a lot of things. I let go of a lot of things I thought I cared about, a lot of things I thought I needed a lot of ego. But I also let go of, like I said, my business in a lot of ways

that was 70% of my income right now. I'm letting go of key relationships. But that doesn't mean I'm like cutting these things out. Some, some things I am burning the boats on, but some things it's just, no, it's just not a part of this next chapter. And I'm opening myself up to a new level of depth, you know, a new 20% that I'm going to go deeper and deeper into. Oh, this is so what I'm striving for in my life. I love it. I'm so here for it. For everyone that wants to start 10xing their life, where can they find 10x is easier than 2x and where can they find you? So if you're in the United States, go to FutureSelf.com

forward slash 10x free. If you want the free Kindle, or just go to Amazon.com, buy it if you're an audiobook listener. There's three hours of bonus interviews between me and Dan Sullivan. Audio book is killing it. People love those interviews. As far as finding me,

Benjamin Hardy.com. And your YouTube channel is amazing. Your TED Talk, amazing. Guys, he's got amazing content. Please follow Dr. Hardy. if you have not yet. And thank you so much for all the work you're creating and for leading by example. I so appreciate you. Thank you. Appreciate you. This is fun. All right, guys, hang in there till next week. Keep creating your confidence. You know I will be.