Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #34: Defying Expectations with Cayla Craft

Episode Date: December 24, 2019

Master lifestyle strategist and host of the Mommy Millionaire Podcast joins Heather to discuss the markers of success, following your truth, and the giant change she made in her career that led her to where she is today. https://www.mommymillionaire.co/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Thank you for listening to this Podcast One production. Available on Apple Podcasts and Podcasts and Podcast One. When you join me here, Podcast One, you're going to chase down our goals. We'll overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's your journey with me. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. If you are celebrating the holidays, I hope they are going fantastic for you.

I've had kind of a crazy week. The holidays can be. a difficult time for business. It's funny because when you're in corporate America, you look forward to the holidays because you get paid time off. When you work for yourself, I can speak only from my perspective, but when you work for yourself, it's a little bit different because everything starts slowing down, shutting down. And when you're building momentum going into the holiday and suddenly things are hitting a screeching halt because everyone in corporate America is checking out, can be a little bit frustrating, and that's sort of where I'm at. So if you're feeling that

frustration, I am with you. It is difficult. I've been working really hard on my speaking business. My TED Talk just came out and my anticipation for the growth and the opportunities it was going to create for me were massive. I'm super proud of the talk. If you haven't seen it yet, please go to YouTube. It's only 10 minutes. You will love it. I guarantee it. I guarantee it. it. If you don't, I'll buy you my confidence video course. Just shoot me your email, but nobody has asked for a dime once they watch the talk. Everybody loves it. So anyone can get something from it. It is for everyone and anyone faced with a diversity, looking to create confidence within themselves, and looking to be inspired. Anyhow, so super proud of my talk. Unfortunately, as you probably know,

it dropped at the absolute worst time the night before Thanksgiving. You don't want to be anywhere near a holiday when a TED talk comes out because you have 24 hours for the algorithm to pick up and see that people are viewing your talk. So basically, I had no views the first 24 hours because it was a holiday. So it kind of buried my talk. Well, it did bury my talk. And now I've just been working really hard to try to get it seen now. Then I found out Ted is shut down for a month. How did I find this out? Well, I had one of my viewers love the talk, shared it with some people, and they They asked if they could have closed caption hearing on it, which would be putting the words on the talk so that people who are deaf are able to access the talk, which is amazing. I actually ended up getting two requests this week for that.

I submitted, I can't do that on my own. I don't own the talk. Ted owns a talk. I submitted it to the person who runs the TEDx that I did my speech for. And he said, Heather, I'm happy to help facilitate this. However, Ted is closed for the month on vacation for the holiday. It's so crazy to me how so many businesses come to a screeching halt. And you just have to kind of make a list of all the things you want to go back out,

you know, after come middle of January when people are back to work again. And, you know, just creating this pending list of who I need to follow back up with and what I need to execute on that second week of January when people are back at work. So I had been getting a lot of momentum with my. speaking engagements since the talk came out and even you know prior to but really since the talk came out I started getting a ton of requests and now I'm so grateful I have my speaker agent my speaker bureau that manages this for me however now they're closed so it's so crazy again when you're in corporate America and I get it I am not faulting anyone I'm just sharing the other side the

flip side of it which is so bizarre that you get so excited that you're getting all these inquiries and so many people messaging me and wanting to know about my fees and my booking availability. And I signed an exclusive that I will not handle these inquiries anymore. They go directly to my speaker agent. But now my speaker agent in the entire bureau is on vacation until the second week of January. So feel my pain. I feel yours if you're in a similar boat, but we're just trying to make the best that we can of this time where we're not able to really get much business done. So interesting meeting this week, I followed back up with a different president of a speaker bureau, not the bureau I'm with, but I still have made a ton of contacts in this industry

in the past year and a half since I've really leaned into it. And I wanted to follow back up with as many people as I could to let them know, hey, I don't know if you realize, but my TEDx talk came out. It's really good. I'd like to send it to you. I'd love to get your feedback. You know, just another opportunity to get back on the radar of people that are prestigious in this new business that I'm in. I'm still trying to make a name for myself and I want to stay top of mind. Even though they might not be my exclusive agent bureau, they're still key in the industry and my agent will work with other bureaus and they do it all the time to tackle maybe a different bureau has a client that I'm the right fit for. So the two bureaus work together to place me for

their client and they split the fees. So it has to be a different bureau. So it happens all the time. Again, I just want to stay top of mind and I want to make sure to get my talk in front of as many people that are in ultimate decision-making positions as I can. So I reached back out to this gentleman who's been, he's been an interesting contact for me because he's a president of one of the largest speaker bureaus. So he's got tons of contacts, tons of experience. He's been in this business for probably 40 years. So he's definitely an expert in the speaking business. Well, when I met with him to review my talk, he said, listen, I want to go through a few things.

Number one, your delivery was impeccable, energy off the charts, connection with the audience, palpable, you know, your body movements were pristine. I mean, he gave me such amazing feedback, but he says in the end, but I have to let you know, I'm really disappointed in the content of your talk. And I said, okay, let me know where you're coming from. And this was a really interesting learning moment. He said, you know, and he's an expert in this business. I am not. He said, everything was off the charts amazing, with the exception of the content. Here's the thing, Heather. We wanted to leverage this talk to double your rate. So, you know, really aggressively increase your speaker rate as well as increase your booking frequency with corporate America businesses.

He said, your talk is very dicey and edgy, and it's not the kind of talk people are going to want to have in their corporations. And I said, yeah, but you know I speak about sales. I speak about sales leadership. I speak about so many different, you know, collaboration and innovation in the workplace. You know, I MC events. I can speak to confidence creation in any situation. And he said, yes, I understand. And we have those sales decks, and that's great.

But once we send them the TED Talk, which they're going to want to see, they're going to be turned off. And I really feel like you sabotaged yourself by taking this talk for your TED Talk instead of taking something safer around sales and sales leadership. And it was an interesting experience for me because, number one, I never thought about that, right? You know, when you're not an expert in a business, you typically lead with your heart, lead with your gut, which I did.

And again, I'm super proud of my talk. I don't feel upset about the talk that I gave. I feel extremely proud of it. And because it is so edgy and not common and taboo, I'm even more proud of it that I had the courage to do it. So it's this interesting back and forth that I understand his point. It may not have been the best revenue decision short term for me and my business or for him to place me or for anyone to place me for that matter.

but I think there's times in your life where you have to say, my message is more important than the revenue in this instance, in this occasion. And I also am willing to double down on me for the long term. Meaning, yes, had I given a TEDx talk about the importance of being a confident sales leader in social selling or whatever, you know, pop culture? topic I could have very easily come up with. It would have been more of the vanilla that's out there, more of the same that already exists. It would not have impacted or changed anyone's life

or allowed people to know that they are not alone or inspired people or taught them something that they hadn't learned yet. It would have been more of what already exists. And I'm so proud, even though he's disappointed. I'm so proud that I came up with something so unique and so different. And maybe it sabotaged my short-term revenue gains for 2020. Maybe they could have grown exponentially had I done the sales leadership talk instead. But in this instance, I'm going to stick with my message was more important than these short-term revenues. Now, that doesn't mean I'm not going to complain that I need more.

bookings and I continue to need to drive my rates up and I still am very driven, you know, I'm a for-profit business and I need to make more revenues. But I just feel that we don't know the ramification of this talk long term. We know a couple weeks in at the worst time of the year. And I'll tell you, I have received hundreds of messages that are unbelievable on LinkedIn, on DMs, on social media, on YouTube, people really connecting with this message and so appreciative that someone took a chance on themselves to put it out there. So I'm really proud of it, even though I understand it may not have made the most sense from a business standpoint. I still would not have done it differently. So those are the questions we need to ask ourselves every day in business

and in life. Are we leading with our heart first or our wallet first? And I'm not judging anyone for different times. There's been plenty of times. The majority of time for me in corporate America, I led with my wallet first and how can I drive revenue so I can hit this budget so I can make this bonus and I can go home and have my life. The difference now is when I'm doing meaningful work that I really care about and I see how it impacts and changes people's lives. That purpose-driven work is more important, so hard for me to say, versus the short-term revenue gain. I do believe that if you keep following your heart and keep changing lives and lead with your heart and your mission, that revenue will come. And I believe it will become exponentially much larger than what it could have ever been when I just chase that paycheck. I'm doubling all down on it right now. As you can see, even when others are questioning why I'm doing it, I know I'm doing the right thing. And I don't know how I know it. I just know. So gosh, I hope I'm right. So anyhow, so that was an interesting and discouraging, difficult meeting, but I stand by my decisions and I understand why I did not help people in placing me. But like I said, I have had

so many people reach out to me since they've seen the talk about hiring me to speak. And obviously it's connecting with a lot of people. But more importantly, I've received so many messages from people that it's helped immediately, people watching it multiple times, sharing it with their friends and people thanking me for having the courage to do this. So I'm super, super proud. It's so crazy that a year ago, I never even knew I was giving this talk. And right now, I'm smack in the middle of, you know, the feedback and touching people's lives. And I just have to tell you, when you lead with your heart instead of the wallet, it's just such a meaningful, more meaningful life. And you don't have to wait for the weekend. And you don't have to die to get to holiday

because you're already living it. It's so bizarre. And that doesn't mean I don't have extreme pressure financially. I do. It's just, I can't tell you the difference. It really, it's exciting every day versus exciting looking forward just to holidays. So anyways, so all that was happening, which I'm still proud of them. I'm excited for.

And then some fat shamer started showing up. So I got some private messages saying that the one thing they took away from my TED Talk is that I need to lose some weight was funny. I shared this with my son because, you know, kids can be really mean to each other and my son's dealt with a number of bullies and whatnot. And I wanted him to know that, you know, I get bullied too. And he said, Mom, but you're not fat. I said, no, I'm not fat, but I could stand to lose five pounds, but I don't think it's fair that somebody would, if I was an obese person, maybe they'd be worried about my health or something like that. Like this, there's nothing out of kindness or concern here. I'm fine physically. I work out all the time. And that's just an

attack on me because I either hit a nerve with a topic. It's either jealousy. My son said, Mom, it could also be more than that. He said sometimes when people who are overweight feel bad about being overweight, they start attacking other people for being overweight that aren't. And he explained a story to me with a little boy at school that does that. And so it's interesting to hear, it doesn't matter what age you are. People are. People are. coming for you. There are bullies. There are haters that are people that are jealous. But what I decided to do was put it to work for me and it really worked. So I want to share it with you. I took that story to LinkedIn and shared it. And wow, it was really impactful. It drove so many people to go view my

talk. Win, win and win. I call that organic marketing. And it also got a lot of people to rally around me just to remind me that I'm not alone with being bullied, and a lot of people are bullied and body shamed and fat shamed. And, you know, it just made me rethink that sometimes people might lead with a compliment. Oh, you look beautiful in your TED Talk. You're doing your talk for that idea. Listen, I knew all this was going to happen. I talked about this on Gary V's podcast a few weeks ago,

about how I tried on eight different dresses. I knew I would be body shamed. and I'd be judged for how I looked. I was surprised that the fat shaming came in. I didn't see that one coming. But listen, whenever you go to the next level, you put yourself out there. You open that door to be attacked. And I'm just learning to celebrate it because it means I'm reaching more people.

I'm reaching people outside of my safe circle. And that's something to celebrate. Even though when you first see the message, it's a hard pill to swallow. It doesn't feel good. I did question myself like, oh, shoot, I should have, you know, been dieting that week leading up to the event. I could have dropped five pounds. You know, I thought all those things when I saw those nasty remarks.

But in the end, I'm super proud of what I did. I'm more proud that I shared it on social media to let people know because it ended up being a win that it drove more people to check out my talk. So think about that the next time that, you know, someone's coming at you. You might want to use that as material for your post on social media. It lets people know that they aren't alone. because so many people are bullied and shamed and the way that we stand up against those people is to unify together and let everyone know.

We're not alone and we're not turning a blind eye to it. And in the end, it's a win for us, not for the people hiding behind the computer. So now I want to get to my guest this week, who is actually a personal friend of mine, someone who helped me out so much last year when I launched my new book, Confidence Creator. and a year ago, I did not have all the reviews and feedback on my book. My book was still brand new. And this woman read it and got behind it 100%. She's been such an advocate to support me.

I didn't have a podcast back then. You know, she took a chance on me. So when she told me she wanted to come on my show, I said, heck, yeah, because I will always stand up for those people that stand up for me and help me. and she's just been such a great friend, and I was so excited to go to her house and do this interview, and I think that you are going to love hearing

about the adversity that she's overcome, what she's been able to achieve, and hopefully be able to inspire you this holiday season. Hang tight. I'm excited for you to meet my friend, Kayla Kraft. She's a master lifestyle strategist, top sales influencer, and host of the amazing,

the Mommy Millionaire Podcast. Thank you so much, Kayla. I am so excited to be here. It's been a long time in the making. Well, we're actually at your home, which is funny. It's so crazy. And it's so, I want everyone to understand how we met. I stalked you online when my book was coming out.

Do you remember? Yeah. And I was DMing you like crazy and I wanted to send you my book. And you were so great to me and brought me on your show and supported my book so much on social media. And I just, as you know, having a woman that supports other women in a real way means the world to me because I'm not used to it. So thank you for that. Oh, well, you're welcome. Oh, my gosh. I'm so proud of you. You're amazing. Oh, thank you. Well,

you are amazing. I mean, first of all, this house is flipping amazing. And what you've built is beyond. But what I wanted, what's important for me to do is to share that your whole life has not been like this. It's not like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth. And I was hoping you could share that story. Yeah. So, I mean, I feel like a lot of people can see. the perfect blonde on Instagram and they'll ultimately come up with judgments, right, of all the things like, she must have had it easy. Somebody must have given her that. So I love that you're bringing this up. I was raised by a single mom. My dad was a drug addict. And that and enough, like I don't have to go into details there. But growing up, fatherless leaves you with abandonment issues.

Check and check. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So I, I, grew up kind of like feeling like there was something wrong with me, right? And I just had a lot of shame. And I felt like, was there something I did wrong in order for him to like not be around, you know? And people listening in, you guys might feel like that. I mean, I think there's like 50% now of Americans have, grow up in fatherless homes. It's a staggering statistic and it's so sad but I look back on it and even though that was so hard growing up that way I wouldn't be the woman I am today if he wasn't or you know if he was around agreed right so oh that's one of the things I found myself at 18 years old in a super toxic relationship I don't know if you know

this story I landed myself in a hospital bed from ulcers at 18 years old I was so stressed out No, you didn't tell me. Because of this relationship I was in. I just didn't think that anybody else would want me. And he, I know. Oh, my gosh. That's heartbreaking. Because you get these stories in your head.

And, you know, the doctor said, Kayla, if you keep living your life the way that you're living it, which was just stress, I mean, worry and stress will debilitate your body. And he said, you know, you're not going to live until you're 30. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, I didn't know it was that serious. And that was the moment I kind of drew the line in the sand saying enough is enough. I will never not put myself first ever again. And that was the moment my whole life changed.

I went to nursing school and you left that relationship. Left that relationship. Literally laying in the hospital bed, he was fighting with me over my phone. I was like when we had like razor phones or whatever. But I think it was like a Nokia flip phone or something. But yeah, and I just I'm done. Like done. Cold turkey.

Never talked to him again. And it was a three year relationship that. And I don't know if some people like listening and have been there before where you're just, like so in it and his lies that he's telling you become your truth. When you want more, start your business with Northwest Registered Agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business. All in one place. Build your complete business identity with Northwest today. Northwest registered agents has been helping small business owners and entrepreneurs launch and grow

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confidence to get matched in minutes. And you start questioning everything when you're in a bad relationship. Everything. And because your self-esteem is so low, you just, you feel like you can't find anybody else. Yes. And your worst fear, my worst fear, because I grew up the way I did with being along. So I was like, well, being with him is better than being along. That was the lie that I breaks my heart.

Hold myself. But I know it is heartbreaking, but that was me. Imagine there's so many other women that stay in. horrible relationships because they have that thought that they're not good enough and this is better than being alone. Believe me, I've definitely settled before because the idea of starting over and, you know, you can come up with as many excuses as you want. I know, I know. So that's where I came from and there's a lot of just stuff to unpack in there. But the main thing I want everybody to hear is that I didn't stay there, right? Like you can become a victim of your circumstances or you can become the

victor and that's what i decided laying in that hospital bed that day was that i was going to become the victor of my life and i was taking my destiny into my own hands and started just to create the life that i knew was possible for me so what were those steps that you went through that were able to get you from there ground zero to now having made it yeah so first and foremost i changed like my whole healthy living i went raw vegan for a while like i went totally extreme that sounds very hard yeah and really just took care of my body, my temple. And then I created boundaries. You know, it's that word boundaries. We've talked about this before. You've got to have boundaries. And there were just some things like standards,

you know, that most people you just never think about. They don't, when you go to school, they don't say, create your standards of how you want people to treat you in your life. Like, they teach you dumb stuff like you'll never use, like the pie formula. When was the last time you you used that? 3.14, I remember. This is pie day. Yeah. But, you know, like, these are are things that you have to learn along the way or you listen into a podcast and you get it. I actually learned this by just listening to about raw and vegan lifestyles. How crazy is that? And so I started to create a standard of how I wanted to be treated and what I was like

not going to stand for anymore. I was not going to be a dormant. I was going to, you know, walk into a room and own it instead of kind of like, I would always like just, I don't know if anybody listening in his feels the same way, but I used to walk into a room full of people and feel like, oh my gosh, I just want to be, I want hide. I don't want anybody to see me. And I changed my standards to go, when I walk into the room, everybody's going to notice me. Like, you know, there's just little things like that, like that I just decided one day, and then you, your mind goes to work to make it possible for you. Because you

decided to change your mindset. Yeah. That's where it started. Yeah, you change your standards and you tolerate nothing less than what you're saying I want. So that shift started you down a completely different path. Yeah, totally. starting with boundaries and starting with a positive mindset. And then that led you to getting married. You were a nurse at that point in time. Yes. And you were unhappy in your job.

So, okay, so here is where sometimes we can get in life where it's like we're living that okay lifestyle. A lot of people listening in, that's what you're living because comparatively to like your sister or to your next door neighbor, I'm doing better than them. So I'm doing okay. but a lot of us are not living up to our full potential. And I found myself at 23 years old. I was working as an ER nurse. I was making six figures at 23 years old. Which is pretty fantastic in the big picture of things.

Amazing, especially to the fact, like, I grew up, you know, on government assistance. So, like, I really thought I was, like, living the dream, right? Truly. Yeah, and I wasn't even judging. I thought this is so amazing. But then I met somebody. And it always just takes that one person to open up our eyes, and it's like, I can't ever go back to the old way. I met somebody that was a multimillionaire, owned his own jet, owned his own yacht, and owned a multimillion dollar health and wellness company.

And I looked at this guy, and he was so nice, down to earth, and I'm like, what's different about him and me? And I was like, nothing. If he can have all that lifestyle, I can have that too. And at 23 years old, I was like, I'm going to become a millionaire. And so we did. And I say like we, because there's so many versions of Kayla that have come along the way. And, you know, he's just like deciding that I raise my standards at that point. So my standard of living was six figures at that point.

And then I said, no, I want to be a millionaire. And then I raised the standard. And then everything in my life caught up to reach that standard. What does that mean raise the standard? What does that mean to you? Yeah. So I think, like, we all have standards of living. So, like, I could say, and anybody,

listening in right now, I want you to have an open mind because I wasn't always like this. But, you know, I thought, okay, everybody drives a Honda. And I'm not talking bad about Honda's. But that's your standard of living, right? Now you could go, you know what, no, I'm never going to drive anything less than a Mercedes, you know, E class or something. It's a choice. And that's your standard. Like, you're going to do whatever you can to pay for the Mercedes. Like, because you don't want to drive a Honda. You raise the standards and you rise to the occasion because that's what you decided you wanted. And I've done that so often in my life. And I always see, I always rise to the occasion when I put that kind of pressure on myself. So it's just a

decision. And I feel like a lot of people say, oh, well, you know, I don't want nice things because, you know, why? What's the point of it? I'm happy with myself. And it's like, I don't know. I just like nice things. And I feel like I want to experience all the luxuries that life has. And so every time I see a new luxury, I'm like, oh, I want it. I rise to the occasion. You also, one of the things that's interesting about you is that you have a really healthy relationship with money where I believe a lot of people and even myself at different times in my life have not had that. Can you dive into a little bit about how you see money and how your relationship is with money? Oh my gosh. Yes, I'm so glad we're talking about this.

This is good because I feel like a lot of people struggle with this because a lot of people do. Yeah, it's just because like whatever you've been exposed to is going to become your normal. Right? And so to me, because I was making six figures at that time, that was already above normal to what I was used to. So I thought I'd like, you know, wasn't living large. But then when you surround yourself with other people that are doing bigger things, you're like, whoa, whoa, if they can have that, I can have that too. And I think that's the first thing you have to do. If you have a bad relationship with money, hang out with people, listen to people who have a good relationship with money. The way that, they talk about money when they spend money, when they go to the grocery store, they, you see them, you know, whatever, paying a bill or they get pulled over and have an unexpected bill. The things that come out of their mouth are just so different compared to somebody that is struggling with their relationship with money. So, you know, you'll learn and you'll adapt to a new environment when you hang out with those types of people. The second thing is,

is like start to question everything that you believe, right? And so to me, I, I, truly believed that you had to be born into money. Like I just didn't know that there was opportunities that helped people get rich because I was just socially conditioned to think this was you you've made it, you know, like if you're making six figures, you've made it. And so here's a thing. Question everything you believe. I do a thing in my membership group in the millionaire S society where I have them journal about money, success, self-worth, partnerships, and say, what do you believe about this area of your life? And so a lot of people, when it comes to money,

is that they're not worthy of success. You know, they're not worthy of making a million dollars a year. And so it's like, okay, let's unpack that. Is that the truth? And it's always, heck now. But a lot of us are living out a lie. And so when you start to question everything you believe and you start to replace it with new truths

that you really truly believe, everything in your life starts to shift. And that's what happened for you. That's exactly what happened for me. Absolutely. How did you go or what was the moment that took you from ER nurse to I'm going to become an entrepreneur and I'm going bigger than six figures? Yeah. It was literally meeting that guy because I just when he's and he told me he's like if you want to be a millionaire, you can do it. And that was the first time anybody. Sometimes it takes that one person to say something and he probably doesn't even remember that moment, right? But because he's so wealthy, he knows that anybody can do it. And so he said those words to me. I'm like, hmm, yeah, I think I can.

can, you know, like, look at all the things I've overcome in my life. Why couldn't I do this, right? And you weren't afraid to take the risk where you were. You weren't. Wow. And here's what is so cool. Like, it's so cool about my life. And if everybody could dissect their life this way, I think we'd have a lot more victories out there. But I just look back and I'm like, all of those moments in my childhood, all of the failures, all of the getting made fun of, you know, the dad not showing up. The, the parents, My stepdad and my mom used to physically fight each other. And you just live in so much uncertainty. You look back on that and you're like, listen, I've already been through hell.

Like, what's scary about this? Like literally what is scary about saying, I want to be a millionaire. And if it doesn't happen, what is so scary about it? Like, your life isn't going to fall apart. You can always rebuild. Like, there's nothing worse than not having your dad show up for you, in my opinion. So I look back on that and like so freaking grateful that I lived that life. because then when I got to this point, I'm like, game on, like, done.

Nothing would stop you. Nothing. It's so interesting because you would think or I would think that people that grew up with wealthy families and, you know, they were giving all this information and this benefit that we didn't get the way that we grew up. But instead, you can actually put it to work for you as the way that, the thing that makes you unstoppable. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's, but it's always just a decision, right?

So I have, like, a brother that he went the exact opposite way of me. and there's no judgment there, but I feel like I was literally just, I would visualize at a very young age. I used to think I would be a lawyer. I remember at eight years old thinking I was going to be a lawyer and I was going to fight for the single moms to get child support. Because my mom never got child support, obviously. And so those were like, you know, those little visualizations, like I already knew I was going to help people. I knew I was going to make money and be financially secure at eight years old. And it ended up manifesting in a different way.

And that's how God works. It always works out for your favor, you know. And you've shared with your brother what he could do to turn things around and he just isn't interested in doing it. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I mean, I have a whole podcast episode on that topic. But, you know, it's like that saying they say when the teacher or when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Sure. And sometimes some people are just not ready, you know, like you could, I mean, that's why some people could listen into your podcast and they still don't have confidence because it's just not their time. They're not ready to put in the work and face themselves in the mirror yet. And it's okay. You know, everything. Everybody's on their own journey. Well, I'll tell you my personal experience with that. You know, I was in a job.

I was miserable in for over a decade. And I would constantly go home and struggle with, why am I staying in this? But you know what? It's the right thing to do. And I have golden handcuffs. I mean, the things that I would say to myself as to why I was keeping myself there, it's responsible. I'll never be able to make my payments on my home.

If I leave, I would be an irresponsible mother. You know, I came up with so many reasons why I should stay. And it took me getting fired to ever face that fear. and take that leap. So I do understand that, you know, the teacher isn't going to show up if you're spending your time looking for excuses instead of looking for that opportunity. Oh, well, and I love that saying if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. Absolutely.

It's so true. I haven't heard that in a really long time. I like that one. Yeah. And so like anytime I have like a client come on, because in the society we'll do like live coaching with people and people will come on and they'll try to enroll me in the story about why they're not where they want to be. And I'm like, wait, hold on.

you're here because you want to enroll yourself in a new story. We're done enrolling yourself in the story of excuses about all the reasons why you can't be, you know, where you want to be in life. So sometimes we need some people to point it out for us. Tell me about some of the results you're getting from that program. Oh my gosh. Well, just like in the last couple of months, people have started podcasts. They've put on events and sold them out, so they're monetizing it.

And I think people, when you invest in yourself, you draw the line in the sand, and you basically say I'm worth it. And then, you know, the universe conspires to work in your favor and give you everything you've been dreaming of. Well, it's making that commitment that you're going to put yourself first and put your funds, your time, whatever it may be towards you, which a lot of people have a hard time doing. But it's critical in success.

Another thing that I hear a lot from people is that, well, I'm in a relationship where somebody doesn't want me to succeed. What's your feedback when you hear that from people? I mean, I don't know why I laughed. I think I sometimes get nervous loft or self. because it's when you're in that spot, it seems so real. But you always have to realize that you have a choice to make. And I found myself in that spot.

When I was 23, Chase, my husband was completely not supportive of me becoming an entrepreneur. Because in his mind, like, we had a great life. You know, we had a beautiful home. We had a one-year-old, a baby on the way. I was making six figures. He was set in line to take over the family business. And like, why would, why rock the boat, Kayla? Like, why do you have to do this?

Now you're putting on all these events and you're doing all the stuff and you're taking me out of the norm. And I was so angry for a long time. And I did, I built a business and I became a millionaire basically to prove him wrong. I did it. I did. I was like, watch me, buddy. Like, don't tell me I can't do this. And that's the rebel in me.

And what happened was now I see so many women struggle with the same exact thing. But most people, they give up. They listen to the naysayers, right? They listen to the husband saying, oh, you can't do that. You've tried something like that in the past, and it doesn't work for you. You can't. And all that person is doing, if you were to put yourself in that person's shoes, and this is what I tell everybody to do, is you see that they're just trying to keep you safe.

The last time you started a business venture, or the last time you went live, you cried afterwards, and you felt like a failure. And so all that that person is doing is trying to keep you safe and keep you from harm. And that's what the most, like, that's what your loved ones do. And so, I mean, I had family not support me. I still have family thinking that I am freaking, like crazy. And anyways, it's about just having compassion for them and saying, I know you don't understand why I'm doing this. But these are the reasons why it's important for me to do this.

I want to be financially independent. I want to be free. And even though you're not supportive of me, I'm going to continue. to do this and, you know, keep on rocking on. Like, because somebody doesn't believe in you, that is not their job. That is not their job. Okay? Your job is to build the dream.

It was given to you and you alone. So you be your biggest cheerleader. You be your biggest hype girl and go get it done. It's so true. When I was writing my first book, two members of my family told me, you can't put this book out. No, don't do it. You're going to get sued. It's going to be awful.

No one will buy it. You're wasting your time. You're embarrassing yourself. And it was all of their limiting beliefs and their fears, hoping to protect me. But it was about them. That was their fears about them. And they were putting them onto me. And I decided to thank them for it and tell them, I appreciate your concern for me.

However, I'm moving forward with my vision. And that was really hard. I remember I had to call my editor who had 19 books out, someone who was light years ahead of me, and say, let's talk this through. I'm having doubts right now. I'm not feeling good about myself. Do you think I should put this book out? And that was such a great call with him because he knew I should put the book out.

He said, Heather, I've got 19 books out there. It's going to be great. Trust yourself. You know why you did this. Don't let people who are trying to put their fears on you accomplish that. You know, we're beyond that. Let's keep moving. And so that one phone call helped me get centered again and listen to my own inner voice,

see my own vision. And that really seems to be what you've done this whole time. Yeah. And look at how much you've accomplished in the last year and a half since the books come out. right like if you would have listened going to the next level like you were saying before like you have to keep facing that fear and take it to the next level and how do you do that because you came out with a book yes well how do I do that you know I feel like um in order to always like go to the next level there's still like the basic human needs that need to be taken care of one thing is you need to have

a tribe of people around you that you can call look you had that guy to call and he was like hey like Earth to Heather, like you're going to be a best-selling author and you're going to change a lot of lives. You're doing it, right? We need to have those people, that support system in place, even if it's not your husband. I promise you right now there are people out there that are praying for somebody just like you guys listening in right now to be their support system. You know, and you guys can be each other's girls. So that's why I like to call it, like, you know, start a tribe. And the second way is really becoming aware of how you feel about it.

So it's okay that, you know, you're scared to go to the next level. Like I feel like people will say fear is a bad thing. It's not okay. I mean, it's totally okay. Oops, too. We can edit that out. It's totally okay to feel scared because guess what? There's a little girl inside of you that is still, that she's just trying to take over right now.

and it's okay to look at her and say, guess what? It's really not that scary to put the book out to launch a coaching certification program to do all these things. Like at the end of the day, would you be doing all of this if money wasn't attached to it? And I always ask myself that question. I'm always like, yes, I would still be doing all of this stuff because I am here for a purpose that if it is more

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash confidence. That's a huge realization. Yes. Like, it is literally, like, painful to me to, like, and I've, because I've gone into, like, dark moments, even in the last year where I'm like, you know what, maybe I just don't, I'm not made for this. Maybe I just don't want to do this.

And it's, like, it is more painful to lay. bed and not do the things you need to do. Well, that's part of living a purpose-driven life, and not everyone is doing that. Because a lot of us, I was a great example of this. I was living a paycheck-driven life to pay my bills, and I think so many people in our country are in that same rat race, even though they're just not taking the time to pick their head up and say, what is in my heart, what is my mission, what do I want to have as a legacy after I'm gone, and how can I take those steps to start building this?

Yes. Well, that's because most, like, again, we're socially conditioned to just go, go, go, go, achieve, achieve. But when do we get taught to become conscious of the way that we feel and what we're striving for? Like, that isn't taught to us at a very young age. And, you know, our subconscious mind is formed before we're seven years old. And 95% of the actions we take on a daily basis happen in our subconscious mind. They strive from that. So you don't even realize sometimes that you're doing or saying the things or thinking. these thoughts that are not serving you and all that programming happened before you were seven years old which is so freaking crazy right it's crazy so here's this is why me and you we have to do the work that we're doing is because we're helping people become aware of like your programming is no longer serving you and the number one thing you could do after you listen to this podcast is to become aware of why you do whatever you do and is that really what you want to be doing is the thoughts that you're thinking right now are they serving you and helping you you achieve your dream life. The answer is no, take them out, replace them with a new one.

It's so true, and I can just hear in people's minds. Well, it's easy for them to say because I don't have blonde hair or I don't have, you can. Why isn't that people always say about the blonde hair? I'm like, the blonde hair is not a magical. You can buy the blonde hair. Let me tell you. Yeah. I bought mine. But, you know, here's the thing is that, and I did this too, and that's why I want people to know it, you can spend just as much time coming up with the excuses as you could be coming up with the solutions. And when you start taking those, first initial steps, I'll never forget, I started just writing at my dining room table. I didn't know what I was writing about. I didn't know what the book would be called. I didn't have some master

flipping plan. I just said, if I want to write a book, I have to sit and start writing. And when I did that, over that next week, I started knowing what I was writing about. In the next two weeks, I started getting really clear on it. The next three weeks, I said, I've got to get an editor. And things started shaping up, but it all starts with taking action. Absolutely. It does. And okay, so here's the thing with action, though. Some people are taking action and they see themselves just kind of going on the hamster wheel. They're taking action. They're doing all the things that like the big influencers out there are saying to do.

They're in that hustle mode, but they're not seeing the results that other people are seeing. And if you're in that mode right now, here's the problem is that you are not taking inspired action, right? So you were inspired. You just got fired. Your whole life just got flipped upside down. You're like, I'm going to make something of myself, right? And you were completely 100% fixed on that, right? Is that like, I'm making something of myself. I'm going to never help. You know, I'm going to make sure another woman never feels this way. And most people, they get angry or they get into that vengeful state or they're doing something from a very different vibe. And so it's not serving them. And so here's what we need to do. As human beings, we always need to be assessing why, right, and how we're feeling about something. And if the action isn't producing the results, go back to the thought that we were thinking. If we are fixed in, just like at 23 years old, I was fixed in, I said, I'm going to become a millionaire. I am a millionaire. That's actually what I thought. Like, I was almost like delusional. And you guys, I'm like quoting like in bunny years.

Yeah. You know, like I was delusional. I really thought like I was already a millionaire and it was only a matter of time. And you knew you were going to become a bestselling author. It was only a matter of time. You're going to have a top podcast. It was only a matter of time. And you almost have to get delusional about that next level that you're going to and have like crazy amount of faith to be able to tell your family, tell your spouse, like, hey, that's kudos to you that you feel that way. But this is happening. Like you have to know in every cell of your body that like my current reality is only temporary. And the next level I'm going to is so big. It's so grand. It's so amazing. That's like a meek meal song where he says, you have to feel the dream. You have to own that dream. And no matter, it doesn't matter who else

can see the dream. You are living that dream. And it's so powerful. Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh. Now I'm all. I feel like I'm at church. Yes. You know, like it, because people, they're listening in and they're trying to find a reason why this secret formula we just shared isn't going to work for them. Right? because they're thinking it has to be harder because we had to learn like pre-algebra and algebra like I don't know why I keep taking it back to math math was hard for me you know but we're trained like it should be hard

it should be complex when actually you guys literally it's really not that hard it's really not the hard work is then thinking the right thoughts and feeling the right feelings which is mind blowing because it goes back to we were taught in school and through society that you're supposed to get a 4.0 in school and if you didn't get

that then maybe you weren't smart enough and all of these different limiting ways of thinking that really aren't attached to success. Yeah. And I mean, think about it with you, Heather. Like, you know, were you just 100% like, did you have that knowing and that feeling that that day was going to be the best day of your life that you got fired? Because. No. No? I did not know that was going to be the, that was a really hard day for me. I was heart wrenching. Like, I mean, that was heartbreaking for me. Maybe not that day. But the moment you decided to write a book and you said, I'm reaching out to the end. Did you know that you were going to be successful?

Yeah, there was a day, you know. But I will tell you initially, I teetered back and forth initially. I'll never forget that. And I slowed myself down because of that. I can see it now in hindsight. I didn't know it at the time. But in my mind, I was keeping myself safe. I would always say, well, if this doesn't work out, I'll just go back to corporate America.

I can take another leadership position, another company, another industry. I kept creating this out. And as long as I kept that door open, I wasn't moving really. fast like I eventually was able to. I'll never forget. I was out with my girlfriend and her husband. Her husband's much older than us, very successful. And he said to me, stop standing on the side of the river and saying, I could jump to the other side and it's great over there and that's where I'm supposed to be, but I'm not ready to jump yet. He said, because that river could pick up and then you're not going to be able to jump. He said, leap right now and just leave that other side forever.

Oh my gosh, that just gave me chills. This was, I'll never forget, labor day of last year. and I went home that day and I was questioning everything in my mind because of what he had said to me like you said the teacher will appear I was questioning everything I'm like he makes some great points why am I standing here saying oh I'll leave this open I could go back and I went home and I turned on my TV

I didn't have my son that night and I just put on Netflix and the secret came and said a show you might like and I never seen the movie The Secret I watched it that night and I swear to God that was the day I shut the door to that other life and I said I'm not going back that literally like I have chills all over my entire body It's true. That is a true story. It's my friend Janine's husband, Bobby. And I'm always so grateful to him for that. But it was his life experience that he knew. He said, I can see what you're doing and I see why you're not taking off and here's why. Well, it's like that whole saying like ships are not meant to be at the harbor. Right. Right. They weren't built to sit there and be in a dock. Exactly. And I just have this philosophy like if you if you burn everything, you know, like burn the ships is what they, what do they say? What is it? something like burn the dock or something. Yeah, so you can't get back. You have to do that. You have to

go on your excursion. Yeah. And then when you're at that point, it's like, it's a knowing like, hey, I am going to make this work because my life depends on it. Like I have put everything into this. Just like when I moved down to, I'm from Bakersfield and we moved down to Corona Del Mar where it's like literally the most expensive place to live, I think, in California. It's expensive. And we came from our mortgage was like $1,000 a month in Bakersfield. And here we are, like everything has like 50, 15x the price of everything here. And I'm like, well, like, this is uncomfortable, but I'm going to rise to the occasion. And I built a seven-figure brand in less than 12 months because I had two. I had three little kids and there was no other option. What I was going to go back to work as a nurse? No,

like we're making this thing happen. And that's what you do. It's just a decision and a knowing. I will be successful no matter what. You could take everything away from me. You could give me $0 in the bank right now and I'll be successful in 12 months. It's just a thing. already know that you can do it, you're just doing it again. Yeah. It's just like, let me think about Donald Trump, and, you know, that might be like controversial on here. But, I mean, think about him.

I mean, he might be a little delusional, but, like, how many times has that guy rebuilt himself because it's a knowing inside of him that he can't be any other way but successful and well-known. It's so interesting. There's a special on Netflix about him going back, you know, 20, 30 years ago, and he was saying back then he was going to be president. And it's really, you've got to watch it. Yeah.

It's not about being a fan of Donald Trump's. It's about learning mindset and the power of mindset and what you envision for yourself, regardless that anyone else thought he was crazy for saying that. But, I mean, it paid off for him, I guess, you know, in achieving his goals. Yeah. Well, and I think, like, if people aren't saying you're crazy, you're probably not going big enough, right? For sure. I mean, that's, I have a friend who's a billionaire, and he says that to me all the time.

He says, I mean, if you, I mean, come on, Heather. If it's that simple, then, you know, everybody else would have it. You need to go so much bigger than simple. And it's about challenging yourself out of that old way of thinking. Yep. That's all it is. That's the secret success formula for confidence for everything. It's just thinking a different thought.

So one thing that I need you to answer before I can ever let you off this show is when have you struggled most in your life with confidence? I mean, to be honest, like even right now, I'm building a whole new program. It's something that nobody's ever done before. I'm building out a whole lifestyle strategy. certification program in 2020. And I mean, I've already sold the whole entire program. Okay. So people are going through it. And I know that I know that I can help everybody that comes to me one-on-one, I'll help them change their life and become successful. But it's this whole like, oh my gosh, well, you've never done this before. Like there's not a book that you can go and listen and read

that'll tell you step by step how to start everything that I'm doing. And so I'm struggling with confidence right now. I'm going like, okay, do it. You know, I was just talking to my coach this morning. She's my medicine woman. And she's like, who are you? Look in the mirror and you remember who you are. I'm like, yes. I'm like, have this chills even saying that. But like, I think I was telling you this before we started the podcast.

But like every new level you're going to go to, you're going to struggle with confidence because hopefully you're doing something that you've never done before. So it feels unfamiliar. You're not going to be like, yes, I know how to do everything. But I think the power is showing up. And literally, I have no problem saying that, like going, I don't know exactly how it's going.

to work, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's going to work, right? That's so great. And I love that you share that you have a coach, that you are questioning yourself because the truth is if you're not questioning yourself wherever you are in your life, you're not going to the next level. You're staying right where you are, which I did for way too long, and I hope more of that for everybody. And I'm proud of you for taking that lead because it's not easy.

And it's about facing that fear yet again. And here we go, yet again. And knowing it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be simple, but it's going to be worth it. Absolutely. 100%. And anything worth having is, you know, it's interest. I don't like to label it hard, but it's interesting getting there.

And you just have to like kind of sit back, trust the process, enjoy the ride. And that's something I've learned to do in the past. It's just like, let's ride the wave, you know, because life is ever changing. And if you are, have an idea, if you have a dream right now in your heart, like there's no better time to take action on it than right now, even if you don't feel well equipped, somebody out there, you can add to your team to help you be more equipped. Like, there's always a way to accomplish what you want. So how can people sign up for your program and how can they find you? Yeah, so if you go over to mommy millionaire.com, I actually have a membership program called the Millionaire as Society where we

talk a ton about this and I coach you live. But I also have a free resource that's all about actually helping you make money just by being yourself. I teach you how I went from $10,000 a month to $50,000 a month, all by honing in on becoming more authentically me. I know that word's super trendy. But it's just about like how I really truly believe the more I become myself, the more money I make. And that's my motto. It's so true though.

And it's yet again something that we were not taught. And we were taught the opposite. At least I was in corporate America. Yeah. I mean, I can get all paranoid because I'm like, they don't want us to know. I mean, who knows that could be it. Yeah. You know, so it's our, that's why we have to do this work.

It's like I feel like we're the light workers of the world to get out there and share the light and say like, listen, like, if you want a different destiny, it is 100. I don't care how old you are right now listening into this podcast. It's never too late to start a new chapter. And it's so important for everyone to remember. You do not come from anything and you built this with your mindset, your commitment and your commitment to finding solutions and ways to get there because you believed in it. And everyone sign up for this program. Check it out. Check out.

Kayla, check out her podcast. Listen to our episode last year. It's so good. Oh my gosh. It's like back in the archive. We need to like, yeah, we need to do a redo. Actually, we should do a part two to like re like up and find out what's been going on with you. Oh my gosh. We need to do it. Yes. Thank you so much for being with me today. Thank you for having me on. All right. Hang tight. We'll be right back. I hope you loved meeting Kayla as much as I love being friends with her. She's the real deal. This is killing it. It just, it blows me away. The transition she was able to make and how quickly she was able to reboot from being a nurse to being an entrepreneur and being a very successful one and impacting a lot of people's lives. So before we get started, I've got to let you know,

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TED Talk and how to do a great TED Talk. And I want everyone to remember, especially looking at a new year right now as we're planning for 2020 and talking about New Year's resolutions, I applied to 100, at least 100 TED Talks and didn't get them. I took out a Google alert. You know, I kept applying and applying. And then I finally got feedback that I was taking the wrong approach. So it's really important that we put clients, we put others first, that we showcase their needs and wants, not ours. We align our message with their theme. You know, we're really methodical and strategic about it instead of just going all in with us, us, us. That's what I was doing. That was an epic fail. And you know, it's funny, I got a call this week asking me to do a TED Talk again in

October of this year. And I declined it. And I want to share why I did. The time. The Timing this year of me doing my TED talk, October 26, and then having it come out a month later the night before Thanksgiving was awful. The worst timing possible. So I learned something by that. Yes, I'm bummed out. It happened, but I learned by that epic fail. I do not want to do another TED Talk in the fall again because the potential of it coming out again at Thanksgiving or at Christmas, why would I set my, why put all that work in for something that is going to become expert? exponentially harder for you to reboot and grow, you know, you want to get that organic reach

immediately so that Ted picks it up and boosts you up. So what I learned is timing is important, and I didn't know that a year ago. So now I'm in a different position where if I am going to do another talk, it certainly would not be in October, would not be in November or December, and probably not even September, because I'd want to stay away from those holiday dates. But again, until you take action and jump in, you don't learn or know these things. I certainly had no idea. So one of the other things that I've been seeing a lot about and someone posted about on LinkedIn was a chapter from my book Confidence Creator about finding your passion and purpose in your work,

which is really important. And I had no idea how important it was because I kind of lived in a fog for 20 years in corporate America, chasing the paycheck, not knowing there was something bigger out there. But for a lot of people, it's taking a step back and remembering, hey, what was it I loved to do as a kid before people started telling me I couldn't do that anymore? Reaching out to people in your life in your work circle, peer circle, and finding out what special, unique, or different about me? How do I add value? Because so often we don't know what our own talents are and we take them for granted because we're living in here every day.

we don't see what the rest of the world sees. And other people are seeing us through those rose-colored glasses and grateful for us. So you'll start seeing some repetitive themes come up when you ask people for that feedback, which may open your eyes to your talents, your uniqueness, and how you're able to add value. And then it's about, okay, how can I take that talent and pair it with something that means something to me? And how can I bring value, add value, and drive revenue, right? Because you need to have all those things. you want to have mission, purpose, you want to impact the world in a positive fashion,

and you want to drive revenue and create value for yourself, be paid for what you're creating or bringing to the world. So I have a whole chapter on this in my book, Confidence Creator. There are so many different exercises you can do, but it starts with really being aware. And for me, that was about first starting to get into charity work a decade ago. That started opening my eyes to doing more good and bringing more positivity. to life beyond just bringing value to shareholders. So it's about picking your head up and I challenge everybody right now, pick your head up and start questioning and looking to 2020 to say, how can I do things differently to start

accessing my purpose-driven life that I want to create, that I want to manifest, that I want for myself, that I'm committing to instead of just going through the motions of getting a paycheck or the routine life that we have. It starts with taking action and taking a chance and betting on you and going all in on something different. So take that chance. I took a stand-up comedy class a few years ago. I thought the idea sounded terrible.

It really made me aware of how good I was on stage in a different weird way because I had never done that. Put yourself in different situations. Challenge yourself to do things you haven't done. before things that sound awful and weird and why would you do that? That means go. Fear is a green light that means go. Get up there. Take that opportunity head on and just see what happens. Again, I was so excited and proud of my TEDx talk. However, I learned I did it at the wrong time a year. I could have set myself up for better success faster had I done it away from a holiday. I would have never learned

that if I hadn't done it on October 26. So I'm grateful for the lesson. I'm grateful to get better for next time, next opportunity. And the way that you do that is show up, put the work in, take the chance and just keep getting better because that's what it's all about. So I hope everyone's having a fantastic holiday that you're not going too crazy like I am with everything being shut down and that you enjoy your time with your friends, your family, yourself, whoever you spend it with and start thinking about 2020. We're going to work on some plans next week and we are going big. Of course we are.

All right, can't wait till next week. Hang in there and keep creating confidence.