Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #349: The Top Tips To Overcome Fear With Your Favorite Guests Best Of Episode: Andrew Metz, Kelly Roach, Sara Blakely, Jesse Itzler, Wendy Smith, Maryann Lewis, & Uri Levine

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  What failure really means for you & your business The best ways to conquer imposter syndrome Why a mistake can be your ticket to success How to react to failure by owning it & growing from it Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now. Go to NetSuite.com/MONAHAN to get your own KPI Checklist Get 55% off at Babbel.com/MONAHAN Show Notes:  When was the last time you had a major FAILURE in your business? You know I have faced my fair share of rough patches through the years. Failure is so difficult to work through but it is NECESSARY to grow and move forward. Do not worry! You don’t have to figure this out alone. I have brought together all the best tips from real business masters to help you understand what failure really means. Join me on this journey and let’s embrace what failure can teach us TOGETHER! -01:19 Andrew Metz-Episode 233 Take The Risk & DARE To Fail!  -05:51 Kelly Roach-Episode 245 Why You Must FAIL In Order To Succeed  -13:25 Sara Blakely & Jesse Itzler-Episode 25 A Mindset For Success  -18:31 Heather Monahan-Episode 186 When Challenges Are A GIFT In Disguise  -29:55 Wendy Smith & Maryann Lewis-Episode 241 The KEY To Building Confidence Through Failure  -33:40 Uri Levine-Episode 291 Why You Should Fall In Love With The PROBLEM Not The Solution If You Liked This Episode You Might Also Like These Episodes: The Top Way To Stop Playing Small & Go For More! With Heather!  Dream BIG & Bet On YOURSELF! With Candace Nelson The Founder Of Sprinkles Cupcakes  Why YOUR BEST Is Yet To Come, With Heather!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I'm here to tell you about a new podcast that I'm really excited about. Negotiate your best life hosted by Rebecca Zung, a part of the Yap Media Network, as a globally renowned narcissist negotiation expert and an attorney recognized by the US news as a best lawyer in America, Rebecca shares her invaluable insights and strategies for navigating life's toughest negotiations. By drawing from her own experiences and the wisdom of her high profile guests such as Bob Proctor, Mark Victor Hanson, John Gordon, and Rebecca Deliver's empowering advice that will inspire you to reclaim control of your life. Negotiate your best life is all about how to negotiate your way to

greatness. She provides practical guidance on how to break free from toxic relationships stand up against injustice, and transform chaos into freedom, possibility, and purpose. Many times the first negotiation you do is with your own self and the morning. In this morning, when you wake up, negotiate your best life is all about finding your way to greatness, conquering obstacles, and creating the life you truly deserve. Get ready to slay, thrive, and unlock your full potential. Don't believe me?

I'm going to go ahead and share some of the reviews so you can hear firsthand. You have helped me so much these last few weeks. I was with a narcissist for two years. She drove me to the point I wanted to take my own life listening to you has made a massive difference and now I know what I'm working with. Thank you Rebecca Now the recovery. Oh Rebecca Zang helped save my. And I mean save my life. She helped millions of people stay on the right side of the law while breaking free from shattering, shocking, chilling narcissistic abuse. Wow. This is game changing stuff that Rebecca is doing. You gotta listen. If you are ready to stand up against injustice and transform the chaos in your life into freedom,

possibility and purpose, then check out, negotiate your best life now. Subscribe to Negotiate Your Best Life with Rebecca Zung today on Apple Podcasts Bodify or on your favorite podcast platform. Everyone knows we have to experience moments of failure to get to the success we so desire. But how do we actually manage the failure? Not give up because of the failure and know the difference between a misstep that we can grow from or when it's actually time to tap out.

I've talked about the topic of failure many times on this show and in my life. And if you're having this experience right now or struggling with the idea of confronting failure at all, then I've put together a handful of the best pieces of advice from some of my most successful guests who not only know the experience of failure very well, but will share with you their tactics to treating it as a valuable part of the process, including yours truly. I know this one's gonna help you. If you like this episode please leave a review, share it with someone that it can help that way. I know I'll create more of them like this. Let's go.

What I've found and maybe this is just me being brutally honest throughout the process, but I think because I've had street credibility of my organization going through the ranks, I started as a BDR. For people who don't know what a BDR is, can you explain that? Business development rep, or might be known as sales development rep, but that's a fancy term for cold callers. As I like to tell people that enter the org, I say, my first year, I make cold calls and clean the toilets, which is partially true. And I've always had a lot of confidence in what I was good at, and that was originally cold calling.

And then I sold for my organization, then I was a frontline leader and a second line leader and so on and so forth. But I also was never afraid to admit what I didn't know. The real buzz word out in the LinkedIn world is vulnerability, right? In the last couple of years, and I think I was doing vulnerability before it was cool. It was just my way of not over promising and under delivering. I wasn't going to tell someone I knew something that I didn't know. And the thought of imposter syndrome is simply the feeling that you're unworthy or you don't exist

and everyone has that to some degree. I have that talking to you right now, right? It's like, what can I bring to Heather Monahan's world? So I certainly appreciate the opportunity, but there's also a voice inside of all of us that should encourage us to dampen that because when you get that imposter syndrome feeling it really means you're out of your comfort zone. It means you're

doing something you haven't done before and usually when we're proud of an accomplishment or an experience we had it was something that was uncomfortable initially and we look back on it going, hey I wasn't sure if I could do it, but maybe I failed or maybe I succeeded, but either way, you got to give yourself credit for taking the shot. Well, just your own journey, right? Starting out as someone jumping into the cold calling world, which PSA, I've been there as well. I'm sure on D1, you weren't the best cold collar with the best closing rates out of everyone.

Of course, and that's part of it is having the thick skin to take the rejection and really being okay with failing. Looking at failure as the opportunity to learn, right? The cliche is it's not what happens to us. It's how we respond, but that's true in a lot of cases. And sales is a good microcosm of life where you're going to go scrape your knee a little bit and it's how do you react? And are you know, sales is a good microcosm of life where you're gonna go scrape your knee a little bit and it's how do you react?

And are you gonna change your approach next time based upon what you learned? And from that, you build confidence from there to approach it differently the next time. And you also figure out that failure's not as scary as people think, right? People are embracing for, oh God, how bad is it gonna be or the rejection?

And when you find out that the show goes on the next day, it gives you a little more perspective to have more confidence to take more risks. So true. It's like anything. The more times that you're at bat, the more comfortable you're going to get when you step into the batter's boss. It is no different with failure. Although I definitely had a very different opinion of it, you know, when I was back in quote unquote corporate America. But I want to jump in a little bit more to the imposter syndrome to hear your thoughts on my experience with imposter syndrome was I remember I was advocating for myself to be promoted from executive vice president to chief revenue officer. And I remember thinking, am I even qualified for this? You know, I don't have a master's. I'm younger than I was younger than the other people.

You know, at the C-suite level, I didn't have as many years experience in the company as they did. So I second-guess myself, but there's something, probably from the competitive nature of who I am, that pushes myself into these situations, even though I don't know if I'm qualified. So there was always that trepidation and fear. What if they actually say yes, then what?

And so they ended up saying yes. And I'll tell you, this was a game-changing moment for me, Andrew, was when I finally was appointed to the C-suite position and my first big executive meeting as a C-suite executive. I realized, wait a minute, this is the biggest scam going. I get paid more. I have more resources.

I have more autonomy and control. Wait a minute, it's easier at this level. It would truly was. It was actually easier. And it is the biggest scam going. And so that's one thing I want to part on everybody. I was so wrong. I was overqualified for all the reasons why I thought I wasn't because I was

bringing my unique skill set to this table that needed it, desperately needed it, and I was actually already doing the work just with a more junior level title. So a lot of this stuff is just it's not real. It's built up in our minds. I think that in the world of online marketing and with social media, obviously, online entrepreneurs use social media to promote their brand and to grow their business. And so obviously, the focus and the goal is to show how well you're doing,

to talk about what's working, to showcase all the highlights of your brand and of your life and of your business. And that's great and it works, right? It works for all of us, but, you know, as our company went from seven to eight figures and I began to realize like, okay, like I play a role in the conversation that is happening in the online space. I have a responsibility to actually let people know what it takes to build a neat figure business, to run a team that is, you know,

expand across the United States and serve thousands of clients and all these things. And I kept hearing all of these online influencers and course creators and people that have a huge voice in the online space saying, you know, it can be easy, it's going to be so fast, you know, you can do this overnight. Like, you know, and I started thinking to myself, I couldn't imagine if I was a new entrepreneur

that was coming up today, that was working really, really hard to build my business, and it wasn't happening overnight. And it wasn't easy, and it wasn't happening at hyper speed and it felt a little stressful Along the way and I and I really put myself in the operating reality of what is the experience of the online entrepreneur? That's not yet where we are right we came to the other side like I already thought all the battles and went through all the scars And the wounds and made it to the other side. But how many entrepreneurs are having depression, anxiety, thinking about quitting their businesses,

wanting to give up, because the perception online is that it's easy, you barely have to work. This is going to happen overnight for you, right? We all just hang out in our lambos and in our private jets and sit on islands. There's really no work to be done. We actually can't find anything to do with our time because it's so easy, right? So I just realized, you know what? I'm going to do something different here. I'm going to be a truth teller. So I just started like two and a half years ago really talking about

like what the true experience of entrepreneurship is and telling stories of, you know, just in the stakes that I've made and failures that I've had and struggles and setbacks and, you know, I feel like when you have a voice, you have a responsibility to use that voice for good. And I do use my voice for good, obviously, help people build widely successful business. That's what I do for a living. But there's a whole other piece of that and that's the human element. And so I just want the people out there to know like when you see Heather, you know,

and you talk about this on my show, right? And when you see people like me, that you know run these companies and are having this level of success, like pure failure, like pure failure on the way to that success. Like so many mistakes, so many mistakes, so many setbacks, so many moments of doubt.

There's been so many times where I've shared publicly like a big goal that I was setting in that afterwards. I'm like, why? Like, why could I put that back in my mouth? Why? Why did that just come out of my mouth? Like it just accidentally because I was so passionate. I like said the thing out loud that no one was supposed to hear because I didn't know

how to do it, right? So yeah, so I mean, I think the big thing I just want entrepreneurs to know is you build your business that if it's going a little slower than you thought it would or if it feels harder, you're dealing with some stress along the way, that is you building the muscles that you need to get to where you want to go. You're not doing it wrong, you're not failing, you're actually right where you need to be learning the exact things that you said that you wanted to learn so that you can get to where you want to go. And I just want to keep repeating that message over and

over again because, you know, having crossed that bridge, what I'm seeing now because I do coach so many people in building their businesses is, it's actually a perception gap that is killing so many businesses right now. And it's the perception of, what does it take to be successful versus what it looks like to be successful? And I believe that if we close that perception gap and people understand the amount of trial and error,

even with mentorship, even with coaching, businesses can't be built in theory. They can only be built on the field in the trenches every day. And I think if we're able to close that perception gap, I think many more people are going to make their dreams come true. And that's what my goal is. You know what's interesting to me about what you just said.

And I'm really curious how you're going to answer this. In my opinion, there's a big difference between working with someone a hypothetical client, right? And they're saying to you, Kelly, this isn't getting off the ground, I'm trying so hard and it's not working and you're cheering them on and trying to get them to work through these low moments. Like you're saying that you've had,

that I certainly have had for me, the pandemic was like the biggest low moment ever, my business got crushed and disappeared overnight. So we've all been in these really delicate moments where you do consider giving up. You do say, do I trash this business and start something new? What is that difference between someone who's just way off the market? It's not going to work or versus, hey, you got to grind this out and push through. Yeah, that's such a good question. So I think that there's a difference between what we want to sell to someone versus what someone is interested in willing to buy.

And that is a huge distinction that I see a lot of people get stuck in. They'll say, I see that this group of people really needs ABC XYZ. Well, guess what? If that group of people really needs ABC XYZ but they don't give a crap and they're not willing to spend their money on it and they're not interested in solving that problem, it doesn't matter that the problem exists. It doesn't matter that your perception of the problem is that it needs to be fixed. All that matters is, is this a problem that that group of people is both aware of, invested in correcting

and willing to put their money behind, right? And so I do think that there is times where people's passion or heart gets confused with actually making a match between market viability and desire to sell something that people are willing to spend money on. And that's where I think it's really important. You can take your passion and you can apply your passion in a thousand different ways.

You need to make sure, and that's actually why I'll give a specific example. I started the Human Family Foundation because I really wanted to do something to give back and I really wanted to make a meaningful difference by creating an entity of my business that was very focused on service and philanthropy. I see a lot of business owners that they say, I really want to give back. I really want to make a difference. So they start selling to a population of people that they're dead broke. They're never going to be able to invest in their products, programs, or services. They don't have the right mindset. They would be so much better off saying, this is charity and philanthropy.

This is my business, and my business can fund me doing good in the world with this thing, but trying to take blood out of a stone with a population that doesn't, they're never going to be who you want them to be, just because you want to feel in your heart that you're doing something good. It doesn't work they're never gonna be who you want them to be just because you wanna feel in your heart that you're doing something good. It doesn't work out for them and it doesn't work out for you.

We have different guests each week. We're gonna turn publicly. Okay, now that we're in the thick of the summer, you may be like me in over-cooking three different meals a day for you and for your family. That's where factor America's number one ready to eat meal kit can help you fuel up fast with flavorful and nutritious ready to eat meals delivered straight to your door. Just like me.

You will save time, eat well and stay on track to your goals. Regardless of what your goals are, the food is fresh, it's definitely not frozen, and meals are ready in only two minutes. All you have to do is heat it up, and you are good, and you are back out there doing whatever you want to do, or whatever your kids want to do. The options are unbelievable. My son's always looking to add more protein to his diet.

I am looking to cut calories. You know, there's answers for everybody. There's a diet that should approve calorie smart meal with around 550 calories per serving or extra boost to support your wellness goals. That's what my son's looking for. He's trying protein plus meals with 30 grams of protein or more per serving.

The food is delicious. Flavor pack and the options are going to blow you away. I mean, you can do the keto program, calories smart, vegan plus, veggie, protein plus. The foods prepared by chefs and approved by dietitians, each meal has all of the ingredients you need to feel satisfied all day long while meeting your goals. And you won't be stuck in the kitchen. Make this the end of the summer that you love because you're not stuck by a stove. With Factor, you can rest assured

you're making a sustainable choice. They are offsetting 100% of the delivery emission source, 100% renewable electricity for the production sites and offices and feature sustainable source seafood in their meals. This July, only a few days left, get factor and enjoy eating well without the hassle. Simply choose your meals and enjoy fresh, flavor-packed meals delivered right to your door, just like me.

Ready, in just two minutes, no prep, no mess, head to factormeals.com slash confidence 50 and use code confidence 50 to get 50% off. That's right! Code confidence 50 at factor meals dot com slash confidence 50. It will get you 50% off. You are welcome. Not too long ago I had the idea I wanted to sell my confidence video course. I had no idea how to do it or where to get started. That is why I am so glad I found Shopify. Yes, that's the sound of me getting paid while I'm sleeping.

Thanks to Shopify, they made it so unbelievably easy. Shopify is a commerce platform, revolutionizing millions of businesses worldwide. Whether you're a garage entrepreneur or IPO ready, Shopify is the only tool you need to start, run and grow your business without the struggle. Shopify puts you in control of every sales channel. So whether you're selling satin sheets from Shopify's in-person POS system or offering organic olive oil on Shopify's all-in-one e-commerce platform.

You are covered. Let me tell you, it's been unbelievable. I've sold my masterclass on Shopify. My video courses on Shopify. My workshops on Shopify. My virtual keynotes on Shopify. I mean, literally everything that I have for a concept now goes on to Shopify and I make

money on the platform while I sleep. And they continually upgrade and advance Shopify, offering me new solutions and new add-ons to make my offering that much better. And it's so easy. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US and Shopify's truly a global force powering albers, Rothies, and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 170 countries. Plus Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way. This is possibility powered by Shopify and they make it so simple sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify

Dot com slash monahen all lowercase go to Shopify dot com slash monahen to take your business to the next level today Shopify dot com slash monahen and you'll be hearing this before you know it Tom slash monahan and you'll be hearing this before you know it. The one thing I needed that we all need is we need a story. We need momentum. People buy into stories and momentum more than they buy into products like we're the business plan. And when I started out, I started out in the music business. I had a record out on a label called Delicious Final. And right when my album came out, I did a Club MTV, which is a big show on MTV at the time.

I was 21 years old. And I thought like, wow, man, mom, I made it. I'm on MTV. This is unbelievable. And I did my first show in Pittsburgh. And I got off the airplane in Pittsburgh. And when I got off the airplane, there was a huge newsstand. And on the cover of this big magazine called rap pages at the time was my picture and I'm like holy shit, I'm on the cover

rap pages and I'm like I'm like this is not so beautiful, I was like digging a forest, the salary, I'm like I'm on rap pages and I go and get the magazine and the cover of the magazine with my picture on it was our white rappers ruining hip-hop. That wasn't just... I heard that heard this story. Well, I want to tell you what the married makes. So, I needed a story. I needed a story.

So for me, at that age, it wasn't about when I had an idea of telling people, it was about getting momentum. And I went to the New York Knicks with an idea to do a theme song for the Knicks. I was 22 years old. And I said, sports is changing. People sit in seats for three hours in an arena, but the game is only 48 minutes.

So you have to entertain them for over two hours. Let's do a song in a video and we'll get all the celebrities in New York. The song was called Go in New York, and the the next paid me $4,000 for the song. And by the time I paid the studio, the engineer, the singer, the producer, the drummer, it cost me $4,800. You can do the song. So is that a good business model? No.

Right. They paid me $4,000. They paid me $4,000. It cost me $4,800. You guys think that's a good business model. Wrong. That's an amazing business model. Because I would have paid the next $5,000 to do the song for them, to help me get the point be faster. Because now I had a story. And I could call up the bulls and be like, I did the Nick song.

And every team that came into Madison Square Garden was like why don't we have a song like that? And that was what really jumped start in my career. So for me, it's like how do you get from A to B the fastest? And then you wrote and produced a song for the NBA that actually won an Emmy. I did. And then you created a company, another company out of this concept, right? So it actually was a good business model losing $5,000. Yeah, well, I mean we figured out the business model after that.

It wasn't sustainable, but it got me in the door and it got me momentum and you know I always tell people that ask me if they're stuck if they're overwhelmed small wins Just you know even in this race I just ran there were we all go through this period in any part of our journey where we're overwhelmed, small wins. Just even in this race I just ran, we all go through this period in any part of our journey where we're overwhelmed with self-doubt. Anybody, no matter what you're doing, even as a parent, as an entrepreneur, as a marketer, someone's bad, I'm not good enough. I don't have what it takes, whatever.

We go through this period of self-doubt. I had it in my race. I started off, I was like, who run four miles. And once you get momentum and you start to believe and you can, you can, that's something that you can build on, that's super powerful. I mean, I would say to add to that, I recognize that the two biggest fears that we all have as human beings are basically the fear of public speaking and the fear of being embarrassed. And so I want that to lose its power over me.

So I will intentionally embarrass myself or I will intentionally find scenarios where I'm not good at something. And then I go through it. And it usually ends up making me laugh. Or if something ridiculous happens to me, I immediately want to share it with people, because then I start to find that it loses its power over me.

And then you also find that when these things happen, if you can make somebody else laugh or smile, then it wasn't all in vain. And that's where real human vulnerability and connection happens, especially even with your customers. So I learned that from selling facts machines. I mean, anytime I tried to act perfect or put on the perfect pitch, I got kicked out time and time again.

You know, if I walked in and was like, look, I'm, you know, I'm nervous. It's hard for me to walk through your door. I'm sorry. I know there's no soliciting sign. I mean, I would get farther with that. But just calling out the humaneness and the real of what we're all dealing with and not not being afraid of it. So we do that at Spanx too, we have oops meetings at Spanx where we have the whole company get together and we stand up and we share what we've failed at

or an oops or a mistake that we made and everybody claps and it's just like diffuses it. So I do some executive coaching, not a lot, but I have a select few clients I work with, I try to keep it only to under five clients a quarter that I work with. And two different things happened with some clients in the last month that I wanted to share that I thought was interesting. One, and I've talked to you about this for there is no place for emotion in business. None. That's taking us back to the woman that fired me. It was completely emotional. Her stock got crushed. And you know, it's just it's hard when you make a decision based on emotion and business,

you will live to regret it. So when someone gives really constructive feedback and it's harsh, sometimes people have a hard time swallowing that pill, right? I've talked about that on the show before, you know, I've had people somewhat attack me, but you know, say, hey, I'm not attacking you, I'm just giving you feedback, but maybe not position it in the best light. And it's a little painful to swallow that. Well, one of my clients had been running around at the holiday time, 9 million things going on, end of year going on, and a big meeting was coming up.

And she delegated a lot to her team and whatnot. And come today of, she realized she hadn't gone through the paces and checked some balances that she normally would, which happens to all of us sometimes, right? You know, no harm, no foul. And she goes into the meeting. And this was a really high profile potential client, not yet a client. And she sits down to make the pitch, which she's done a

million times. And she's incredibly successful and brilliant. And she starts leading the meeting. And the client or potential client stops her and says, well, what about this? You haven't mentioned this when she did the overview of what they were going to cover and she didn't have what he was asking for. So right there, she realized, wait a minute, we didn't qualify correctly on the front end, so going into anything, for example, I'm giving a keynote tomorrow for an MLM company,

I qualify ahead of time, nine million times, just wanna make sure that we're on the same page. What is the end result and goal that you have in mind for my keynote? And I had her articulated again, Heather, I want my team motivated, inspired, and I also want them to have tactical tips around social media promotion

and tactical tips around sales and sales drivers. So I've written that down 800 times. So I'm crystal clear so I can deliver. My client realized that in all of the hurry and hustle that she had going on, no one had actually had that conversation. So I'm asking you right now for any clients that you have, any business that you're working on,

make sure to qualify it first, get clear on expectations on the front end. That's the most important thing to do in your pre-work. And then put it back in writing so that everybody's on the same page. Anyway, she made a mistake. Happened to all of us. And she's in the meeting and realizing, holy cow, we blew this. This is a huge opportunity. We've lost it.

But she, you know, she made her way through meeting, and I'm sure she did a great job. But they weren't able to answer the one thing that the client really had wanted, the one outcome he had really wanted, because they didn't come prepared. Now, that didn't mean they couldn't circle back with him after, of course, and they would. And that was basically what they said,

because that's all they could say. They weren't at their office. They were an off-site remote location. They said, we'll circle back with all of that after. We'd like to move on to the things that we can address and cover today. And we will get back with you. So it's a bust.

And after she leaves, right, she had traveled to see the client. She traveled, brought her team to see the client, read all these things. And now she needed the follow-up was really gonna be instrumental. And she was very frustrated with herself that she had let this happen. So she gets an email from the potential client that night and it was super harsh.

You know, basically saying, listen, you somewhat wasted my time and I don't know how you didn't understand this is what I wanted and or needed. It's really unfortunate and frankly, I'm really shocked that as the expert I perceive you as, that you would make a fumble like this. It was something really rough. I'm probably not even doing it justice. My client was emotional. She felt angry, offended, totally happens.

First of all, when that happens, never respond in the moment. Ever. My client didn't either. She actually sent me a 911 text and said, Hey, I need to get an emergency session on the book. In the next 24 hours, something critical came up, where can you fit me in? And we made it happen and she explains to me everything that was going on.

That was smart. When you feel really emotional, pause. Number one, I wait 24 hours to respond to anything when I'm emotional. And that always pays off. Don't respond. Even in my personal life, I wait 24 hours to respond to anything when I'm emotional, and that always pays off. Don't respond, even in my personal life, I do this too. I did this, I was up set with my son last night and I decided I was just gonna sleep on it, even though I was really upset at the time,

and I felt differently this morning, having some time to process it and be rested. So pause, first and foremost, secondly, if you have a trusted advisor that you can reach out to, someone who's an expert in arena, that you're having some struggles and tap that person for help, but don't just tap some random person

because they're not gonna be able to help you and they're probably gonna give you bad advice. Okay, so we get on the phone, she takes me through everything, I'm listening to it. Now, I have no emotion around this, right? Because I'm a bystander. I didn't not qualify it. I wasn't in the meeting. I didn't get the email from the potential client.

And I'm not suffering the potential loss, right? My client is. So that was really interesting, too, because I had no zero emotional charge around the email and she read it to me. It wasn't sent to me. It was sent to her, of course. So I processed it from an objective standpoint, looking at okay fair point. He's right You know, we didn't qualify ahead of time. He's right in some ways. We did waste this time

I saw it through a lot of the lens of you know, he's being really harsh, but he is right factually speaking She did not process it that way But when I shared with her the lens at which I saw it through she did understand right and she calmed down a little bit But she kept you know circling back to you. Yeah, but did he have to speak to me like that in the email? And she was still emotionally charged and upset. So I said, listen, here's the bottom line. Do you want to close this piece of business or not?

That's step one, you've got to determine that. Because right now, the way you're acting, it sounds like you don't. And that's okay. I remember learning early on in my career, if you don't want to work with somebody, just don't put the effort in. If there's not a match, or if they disrespect you or treat you poorly, whatever it is, you

don't have to take every piece of business. You don't have to let people treat you a certain way. You can respect and create your own boundaries, and you decide. You can fire clients. You don't have to entertain clients. If you don't like the exchange with them. That is fine. And so that was my first question to her.

She said, no, I want this business to flip in you, which would be my biggest client. Is it okay? So we're clear, the goal here is to close this business, correct? And she says yes. Okay, then you need to step away from emotion. Now, put yourself in his shoes.

He was upset, he lost time, he lost time from his family, he had traveled, right? So we started trying to empathize with his shoes. He was upset. He lost time. He lost time from his family. He had traveled, right? So we started trying to empathize with his situation. I said, now, here's what I would do. I would follow on the sword. I would respond and say, I hear everything you're saying, and you are right. It is really embarrassing that I did not qualify this.

And it's like a rookie mistake, however, I have 25 plus years of expertise in this industry, which is unacceptable. And I so appreciate you taking the time to give me the feedback, to send me this email. Because here's the thing, when he sent the email to her, yes, he might have been pissed, yes, he might have wanted to get it off his chest,

but he's also engaging with her. To me, that's a buying sign, right? When I look at it objectively, he's wanting to do business with her. What,, that's a buying sign. Right, when I look at it objectively, he's wanting to do business with her. What, he didn't have to send her an email complaining about that. He could have just gone on with his married little life and never spoken to her again.

So I opened her eyes to the idea, this is a buying sign. He wants to work with you, but he has to get this upset office chest. So, following the sword, take full ownership, make zero excuses. One of the things I hated about this whole Rachel Hollis thing last year, where she had this big social blowup with her team and whatnot.

She kept blaming her team for things on social media. That is not a leader, right? It doesn't matter if your team blew something up. You are in charge. So we talked about that. Own everything. Don't blame anyone. Own everything yourself.

Be grateful for the feedback, because that means it's a buying sign and he's engaging with you, right? And we're grateful for that. And thank him. He didn't have to offer the feedback. It's also going to disarm someone. So when someone's angry and upset,

they're gonna lash out more and more. When we agree with them, apologize for the mistakes that we've made because they are honest mistakes. We didn't intend to do that. That's a fine situation to apologize because we didn't want to waste his time. Certainly, we want to earn his business. Then thank him for taking the time to give us a feedback. She decided to move forward with that strategy.

Then I said one last thing. I would also suggest adding on as a close. You always want to have a call to action at any type of follow up. And so I said, in the call to action here, I would want to include when is a good day for me to fly to you, not for you to go anywhere, not for you to waste any time, but for me to fly to you.

So I can apologize to you face to face and I can present the missing material that you were so looking for in that. That's just going in the extra mile, showing that I am a true partner. I'm someone that shows up and you matter, I see you. And then I said, because I am over the top, I said find out what this guy drinks

or find out like what's specialist guy, get it immediately and overnight it. So he has it tomorrow with a card saying thank you for talking with me about this. Just little things like that really make a big difference because a lot of people don't do them. So she did move forward with the plan and he ended up when he, when she fell on the sword, you know, and she owned it, she apologized and then she closed with that call to action then she sent the, I think it was a bottle of whiskey or something, I don't know.

And he got it. He called her and said, oh my gosh, your response was so kind, so empathetic, and I feel like a jerk. I was a little too harsh on you. So do you see how that mental juudet too works, right? When you really are just so kind and understanding

and accepting and owning what went wrong, that other person says, oof, I guess I shouldn't have been so harsh on you in that email. And now he's apologizing to her. Of course, he gave her the other meeting. Of course, he was willing to do it at a time that worked for her. And of course, in the end, she gets a deal. So that's just an interesting business example that is really around qualifying expectations on the front end, making sure we do our pre-work, have a checklist so that you don't forget things like that.

And then, when things do go wrong, and they will, they go wrong for me all the time. I'm always making mistakes in learning, you know, own it. Don't dodge it. Oh my gosh, the lady that I used to work with that ended up firing me. She would never own mistakes. Never. Capital and never. And. Never, capital N, never. And it was such a flawed character, it was a character flaw in her as a leader

that held her back from being a true leader and everybody saw it. She'd never want to say, this is acceptable responsibility. The reason why the company is not doing well, no, it was always, this division isn't doing this right. This one is not doing, and No, it was always. This division isn't doing this right. This one is not doing. And people don't respect leaders like that.

If you want to lead, you've got to be willing to follow the sword. We have different guests each week. We're going to the chair publicly. We think about tensions in our career. We have a lot of times, the same things we've actually, Wendy and I've seen in strategic discussions with the executives, you have this tension between today or tomorrow.

Meaning am I putting my time, energy, commitment, and hitting my current goals, which is means performing? Or am I looking at how I'm developing, continuing to learn, thinking about what the next step is going to be? And because Wendy and I see so many of these kinds of tensions, not as purely as oppositions, but as interwoven, well, if you're thinking about the future, it doesn't form and shape the choices you make today. Just as the work

that you're doing today helps you really think about enabling serendipity or plan luck and thinking towards the future. So that both am thinking thinks about today, tomorrow, family, work, confidence, fear, right, as interwoven opposites that actually we need to work through those tensions and learn from. How can you break down with the example of like fear and confidence? Like what are the steps that somebody takes to do that? I think fear and confidence is an interesting one. I mean, I was thinking about this other, particularly because of your focus,

I think confidence is such a beautifully paradoxical phenomenon. And so here's what I mean by that. You don't get confidence by sitting in a room, keeping the bar low, trying to just mind your own business, you're never gonna build the belief in yourself and tell you put yourself out there. I mean, Brunei Brown certainly talks about that. This paradoxical interplay between confidence or courage and vulnerability.

I think to me, confidence is very similar. In that, you build, you learn about yourself, you develop your capabilities, and you certainly grow your confidence through failures as well as successes, right? By knowing what's possible. So when we think about both and thinking, we think about a couple of things. One is we start by saying you've got to change the kind of questions you ask. If you're always saying, right, should I be brave or should I be vulnerable, you're missing

the point because they go together. Right? How do you start to change this point of how do I build confidence by putting myself out there in uncomfortable situations, by learning through my successes and failures, right? Kind of pushing in these opposing ways. So to us changing the question is absolutely vital. We then also push ourselves and the leaders that we work with to kind of think about,

how do you take those opposing sides and dive deeply into each one of them? How do you really understand where, what are your fears coming from? Right, where do you feel your insecurities? How do you kind of wrap your arms around what's on that side? And at the same time, when you think about your courage, where are your strengths? That deep actually dividing and really thinking further about both helps you then step back and say, and how do I pull them together? What's my higher purpose? How am I holding these in a synergistic format that lets me think, what am I capable of if I really push forward? And then I think from changing the question

to this separating connection, how do you start to walk the tightrope and learn through this process because it is such a journey? So you're not looking for a one-off answer. You know it's going to continue. You're going to make a decision today, but in paradoxical tensions, the underlying issue is going to resurface.

And that's OK. That's some of how we build some awareness of what's working in our world, what's working for ourselves. And I think build that strength. I have to try to find your passion. I'm in the shoes. Depend on yourself if the power grid

ever quits for a day or longer. January marked the third time a power station in North Carolina was damaged by gunfire recently. Authorities are saying the attack raises a new level of threat. Authorities are now checking our grid for vulnerabilities. They've identified nine key substations. If these substations are attacked, power could be knocked out from coast to coast for up to 18 months. Imagine a blackout lasting not days, but weeks or months. Your life would be frozen in time right at the moment the power fails.

Lights all over the country would go out throwing people into total darkness. That's why having your own solar power is more important than ever. With the new Patriot Power Generator 2000X, you get a solar generator that doesn't install into your house, because it's portable. You can take it with you, even use it inside. But it's powerful enough for your phones, medical devices, or even your fridge. And right now, you can go to 4patriots.com and use code Confidence to get 10% off your first purchase on anything in the store, including the Patriot Power Generator.

You'll also get their famous guarantee for an entire year after your order. Plus free shipping on orders over $97. And a portion of every sale is donated to charities who support our veterans and their families. Just go to 4patriots.com and use code confidence to get 10% off. That's 4patriots.com use code confidence to get yours today. It doesn't need to cost a fortune for you to live your best life. Some of the smallest changes that we can make don't cost a ton, but can make you feel so happy in your own skin and in your own home.

That's what cozy earth is doing for me. Cozy earth crafts luxury goods that transform your lifestyle. Cozy earth has been featured on Oprah's favorite things. Five years in a row, all products come with a 10 year warranty. Cozy Earth is so comfortable. My tea is incredible. I love wearing it. I feel cool when I'm wearing, I mean, literally,

the products are incredible. They're so nice and high-end, yet you won't believe the deal that you're gonna get today. Cozy Earth Lounge, where offers optimal comfort while maintaining a flattering, elegant fit. And I am shouting that out, because I love my new t-shirt. I've been wearing it every single day.

And I want you to know that the sheets are the same. I mean, the product is just so high-end, and when you can make small changes like this, you're excited to get into bed at night. You're excited to put your t-shirt on. You just get happy and joyful, and isn't that what life is supposed to be all about? I think it is.

So if I can make some small changes, like adding cozy earth into my rotation, into my sheets, into my linens, and into my clothes. I'm pulling the trigger and I already made it happen. Cozy Earth betting is temperature regulating. For me, that's everything. I cannot be sweating at night. Listen, Cozy Earth made over his favorite things five years in a row.

For a reason, the products are incredible. Don't believe me. Check it out. Cozy Earth provided an exclusive offer for my listeners today. And for you right now, you're getting up to 35% off. CozyEarth.com sitewide. When you use the code confidence, that's 35% off right now. CozyEarth.com sitewide.

Use the code confidence. You're welcome. There are people that believe well, you know, if we say that this is a rollercoaster journey and I think that I heard the best expression to define this rollercoaster journey, by being who of it's from, and recent who of it's of, and for cattle from. And he used to be a CEO of a startup and he was once asked whether or not he was sleeping well at night as a CEO and said, oh yeah, I slept like a baby. I woke up every two hours in

Prague. This is the reality of the rollercoaster journey. And this is something that we need to realize. There is one part that people don't appreciate. The attitude towards risk and change is different for entrepreneurs. They are looking for the change. They want to change things. They want to change the world. They want to change. They want to create an impact. And they are willing to take the risk because not all of them are successful. In fact, most of them are not. And the reality is that many people are risk-averse. They don't want to take risk. They prefer to go into corporate America or they prefer to have stability rather than rollercoaster journey. And therefore not everyone should be in the partners and it doesn't fit all the people. One of the things that I found really interesting

that you had attributed some of your ability to take on risk and your strength and resilience stemmed from your childhood with your father. Can you share a little bit about how your father impacted you? You know, I think that was at the time, I, you know, no one realized that, right? But when I would come to my dad, it's like crazy idea, he would say, why don't you give it a pride? And the, and the most important part is that you were just encouraged to try something, you know, that we hadn't done before, right? And obviously in many of those cases, it didn't work, right? And there was no judgment because the encouragement to take risks or to try new things or to do something,

even if it's crazy, but actually go and do that has to be supported with the no judgment. And this is how you create a lower fear of failures, right? Because every time that I try something, there was no judgment, right? If you didn't work, it did not discourage me from the next time to find something even crazier or something completely different. And usually the way that we grow our kids

is totally wrong in that sense, right? We expect them to bring A plus. And if they bring F, then we punish them, right? And this is totally wrong. We instead of encourage them to try new things and fail, we essentially discourage them. And they become afraid to fail. And if you're afraid to fail, then you're not

going to try new things. So true. And even the way if you're afraid to fail, then you're not going to find new things. So true. And, you know, even the way that you're explaining raising children, my career in corporate America was very similar. Yes, Heather, go try to change it and innovate, but no surprises. Don't allow for any opportunity to drop any balls. Make sure we're still going to hit the P and L goals for the quarter. And as long as you can do it within that window, everything is fine. So there are all these, like you're saying, judgments and conditions that are really opposing

the opportunity to innovate. So how do you, as an entrepreneur, even with that background with your father supporting you to try things and embrace failure, how do you know when you start a company or start a concept that, okay, this is gone too far, it's not working, I need to give up on this now. You know, for a second, I would say that entrepreneurs will never know one, it's time to quit, right?

One of the most significant behaviors of entrepreneurs is the greed, is the press of air and try to, is the never giving up attitude. And it goes together with the passion and the mission that is totally engaged with this journey, right. And so if you look at what is the most important behavior of entrepreneurs, never giving up is number one. They're probably more open to that, but never giving up is the most critical one. And then the winner but never giving up is the most critical one. And then the winner will never give up. They simply don't have that in their dictionary.

The thing about running your own business is every single higher counts and no hiring partner understands that, like indeed. Indeed is a hiring platform where you can attract, interview, and hire all in one place. Don't spend hours on multiple jobs, I'm looking for candidates with the right skills when you can do it all with indeed. Find top talent fast with indeed suite of powerful hiring tools like matching assessments and virtual interviews.

Hate waiting, indeed, US data shows over 80% of indeed employers find quality candidates whose resume on indeed matches their job description, the moment they sponsor a job. Indeed, matching is the perfect way to match the ideal candidate that you're looking for, the need that you have, and do it fast. Candidates that you invite apply through instant match are three times more likely to apply to your job than candidates who only see in search alone, according to US and D data.

With indeed matching as soon as you sponsor a post, you get a short list of quality candidates whose resumes on indeed match your job description. Boom! It's hiring at warp speed. Indeed does the hard hiring work for you. Sponsor a job and will match you with quality candidates whose resumes on Indeed fit your job description right when you post. With Indeed, you can start hiring fast. Join the over 3 million businesses worldwide using Indeed to hire great talent fast. Indeed knows when you're growing your own business, you have to make every dollar count. That's why with Indeed, you only pay for quality applications that match your must-have-job

requirements. Visit indeed.com slash monahan to start hiring now. Just go to indeed.com slash monahan. Indeed.com slash monahan. Terms and conditions apply. Cost per application pricing not available for everyone need to hire you need indeed. Did you ever feel when you were starting ways that oh my gosh, this the challenge ahead of us is so big. I feel like I want to I'm just not going to allow myself or that idea never going to cross your mind. You know, the journey starts with falling in love with the problem, right?

With really falling in love and actually defining that mission as your life's mission point. And what happens, well, the journey is that number one, you don't remain in love forever, right? You hopefully you change that into other passions and other, you'll tell you, but you don't remain in a lot forever. The number two is that you face challenges that you had no clue that are going to show around the corner. And what happens is that you get your perseverance

from two factors. Number one, the mission. Helping drivers to avoid traffic change, it's a big task, but it's also a mission. And when you have that in your mind, you feel like, you know, this is my mission in life. This is exactly what I'm going to do. The war is going to become a better place if I'm successful in that. And I'm going to do that. The second part is your teammates. So they sign up for your journey and they want to go into

this journey with you. And you are committed to them the same way that they are committed to you. And so the team and the mission are the one that actually helps you to go through the hardship and the challenging periods of this journey. And look, all the startups have hard times, right? A lot of hard times. A lot of hard times is an understatement. Yes, and I think people oftentimes lose sight of that

because they only see the glossy highlight reel on social media, which can be so challenging. We don't think of Google as a company that struggled at the beginning, right? But they actually were unable to raise capital and they approached Yahoo at the time and ask Yahoo to acquire them because they were unable to raise capital. In the end, I was kind of much and they say that $2 million much? And we say that $2 million, not $2 million, not $2 trillion, just $2 million. And Yahoo said no.

So you look at it today and we say big mistake, right? We actually don't know that. For a second, I would say there are right decisions or no decisions. Because when we make a decision, we don't know what it would be like if we would choose a different path. So we don't know what would would be like if we would choose a different path. So we don't know what would have happened if I would have said yes.

We simply don't know that. We want to believe that Google will remain whatever it is today, but that part we don't know. So all the companies struggling at the beginning and the ways journey was pretty similar. Now we started in 2007 and the real magic of ways is that we the drivers crowdsource everything that is being used by the application. So we, the drivers generates graphic information, okay, and we get that. We generate the information about speed traps and accidents and additional information we get. We the drivers creates the map. in additional information we get, we the drivers creates the map.

So when we started, the map was a blank page. There was absolutely nothing on the map. And the first driver drove, we collected from the device the GPS data. And if we take this GPS data and roll that on this blank page, we're starting to get something like look like all the roads of this person drove and all the roads of this person row and all the terrains of this person they are then so forth. And if we started to take that from a lot of

drivers, we are getting something that looks like a Mac and we have built the software to create the Mac out of this name. And the Mac at the beginning is not good enough. It takes time for the Mac to become good enough. And during this period of time, we had no fraction, because everyone liked the story. We the drivers are going to help the rest of the drivers to avoid perfection, so you are ready to sign up to this mission, and then you try it, and it's not good enough. And so you give up.

And we're trying that again and again and again. And every time we were doing exactly the right thing. So we spoke with the drivers. We understand what didn't work for them. And we built the next version, knowing that we address all the issues. And we know that the next version is it. And it's not. And we're doing it all over again, whole year of iterations. And until it eventually become good enough.

And that was 3.5 years from the day that we started until we were good enough to the level that you would download the app in LAA. And you'll say, wait a minute, this is awesome. Or this is good enough for me. Or this is actually valuable. When we think of product market feed in bringing value to your customers, there is only one metric retention. People are coming back. If you create value for them, they will come back. If you don't create value for them, they will not come back. At the beginning, they didn't come back. It was really bad. It was unbearable simply bad. And it's evolved and improved, evolving, improving the whole year of iterations until it becomes good enough.

And this is really the reality of figuring out product market feeds and it's an iterative process. Now I call that journey of failures and the entire startup is a journey of failures. Now if you think of what does it mean journey of failures, then I want you to think of the following, right? And these are two critical conclusions. If you are afraid to fail, then in reality you already fail because you are not going to cry. Albert Einstein used to say that if you haven't failed that because you haven't tried anything new before. If you will try new things, you will fail as simple as that. The immediate conclusions out of that is that wait a minute. If I'm with you to fail as simple as that. The immediate conclusions out of that is that, wait a minute, if I'm due to fail multiple times,

then the faster that I fail, I actually increase my likelihood of being successful because I still have enough time and enough resources to try something else. To make another attempt, another version, another improvement, another attempt, another version and so forth, in the faster that you do that, you actually buy yourself enough time for another attempt.

Now it's quite obvious that if you're going to make more attempts, then you increase the likelihood of being successful or simplest, that this is really important. So once you realize that this is your journey, then you actually have an opportunity to go and improve in the process of building your start up in the process of figuring out product market fit in the process of later on figuring out your growth strategy. Because in many cases, I ask people, so exactly how are you going to go to the market with that? And they will tell me, I'm going to put Facebook ads. Okay, maybe. And if it doesn't work, then they don't know. The reality is that if you will build a marketing plan with 50 different actions that you're

going to take, what I would say is, okay, now you have 50 different experiments that you're going to make until you find one that does work. And this is the beauty of this year. You're looking for one thing that does work. And that one thing is actually number one, creates or it's a make or break for your journey. Number two, it buys you a ticket to the next part of the journey of building your startup. I hope you're enjoying this episode so far. I'm Jennifer Cohen, host the top ranking business and entrepreneur podcast, Habits

and Hustle. Apart the YAP media network, the number one business and self improvement podcast network. So most people live the life they get and not the life they want. And I'm here to change all that. My goal with each episode is to give you the habit and hustle tips you need to show up to your life better, bigger, and bolder. Tune in now, and I'll not only help you answer the questions like, what do you want most in life and why don't you have it, but we'll also help you make it a reality. I also pick the brains of top thought leaders on how they've gone to the top and the advice

they have to help you get there too. Head over to Happets and Hussle once you've done listening to this episode and get one step closer to boldness, one episode at a time. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Halah Tahha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media and host of YAP Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn

their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting. I interview A-List guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guest. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark Damon John, serial entrepreneurs, Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose.

Every episode is jam- jam packed with advice that's going to push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcasts is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you. It's an advanced show. As long as you want to learn and level up, you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young & Profiting Podcast. Or, yeah, like it's often called by my app fam.

On Apple Spotify, CastBox or wherever you listen to your podcast.