Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #352: Harnessing Fear: How To Use Fear To PROPEL Your Success Forward With Heather!

Episode Date: August 30, 2023

To check out OneSkin click here! https://shareasale.com/u.cfm?d=1054216&m=102446&u=3821794&afftrack= To get your 15% one time use discount use code: Confidence Remember if you opt in for the subscription you can cancel any time but you can only use the discount code once. In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to make your fears work for you What nervousness actually means  How I fight my fears and win every time Actionable tips to get you out of your comfort zone to go for more Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Go to bit.ly/pipedrive-confidence for a 14-day free trial and get 20% off Pipedrive for 1 year! Head to factormeals.com/confidence50 and use code confidence50 to get 50% off. Go to cozyearth.com and get up to 35% off site wide when you use the code “CONFIDENCE” Show Notes:  Fear is INEVITABLE! But it does NOT have to hold you back! I know what it is like to feel frozen by fear. We all want to stay safe in our comfort zone. But AMAZING things happen when we face scary situations and propel ourselves into the unknown. Let me share with you all the tips and tricks I use to conquer fear every day. These are methods used by the experts and let me assure you, they work! Listen in and start seeing fear as a green light that means GO! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so much to share with you. It's a little frustrating. I can't tell you everything that's going on yet. It's really good. Okay, and I'm putting really good vibes out there for you too, this week. But I can't share this massive, incredible thing that's happening for me right now.

I will very soon, as soon as I have the deal inked you'll be the first to know But I've got some major things going on right now and it's funny because One of the women that I work with who's been there with me since 2019 and was there with me on my TEDx when I freaked out and was so nervous, she asked me, she's going to be on this trip with me for this huge meeting event that I have coming up, that I can't tell you everything about it yet, but I will soon. And she says to me, hey, are you going to freak out again like you did on your TEDx? Now she's a rider guy, she's so on my team and amazing,

but it was a fair question. She wanted to know, like I need to be prepared or you're gonna lose your mind. And you know what's funny is that I didn't take it as a negative, I started laughing when she said it because I'm so much further along now in 2023 than I was in 2019. Doesn't mean that I can't get nervous

or be intimidated by something. Of course, that's normal and happens to everybody when you push yourself to the next level and believe me, this is next level. But you know what I thought to myself? Had I not done that TEDx scary moment that at the time was super scary for me, I literally lost my mind.

I freaked out. I almost didn't walk out from behind that curtain. I was so scared. It was so bizarre. But because of things that I did to condition myself to prepare, I was able to push through that the biggest fear I've ever felt in my career and walk out on that stage and deliver a knockout TEDx talk that got promoted to TED and translated into six languages

And I'm so proud of and I'm going to share those things with you today because I learned these things It was like proof to me that okay, this is the biggest fear I've ever had at work in my whole career And I made it through Not only did I make it through it went freaking unbelievable So that's future proof that, and social proof to me, that okay, the next time I'm scared, I'm gonna have the same outcome. It's gonna be amazing.

So all that really scary moment in 2019 did for me was propel me to never feel that scared again, because I have the proof within me, and in my memory and on that TEDx talk I can watch it any time to remind me, oh yeah, I was petrified and I killed it. So I share that with you because if you want to keep going to the next level, if you want to grow, right, if you want to find out what the potential is within you and start living

it and breathing it into existence, you have to do the scary thing to begin with. Had I never done that TEDx talk, which believe me, I didn't wanna do, I was so intimidated, so scared. There's zero chance, I'd be getting on a plane in a week and doing what I'm about to do. Zero, but because I did it, I know I'm gonna kill it. I know going into this next week that this is gonna be incredible. Because I trust myself, because I've seen this movie before,

I've stepped into the fear. I choose to see the fear as a green light that means go. And I've got the proof to remind myself, I just need to flip on that 10 minute TEDx talk, and I remember, oh yeah, that was a day I totally lost my mind and thought I couldn't make it out from behind the curtain and I killed it So I don't know what it is that you're struggling with right now or what it is that You might be stopping yourself from doing because you're saying well, I'm really scared about this I'm here to tell you today that can be your TEDx moment. Right? Each one of these tiny little

steps we take into fear builds our ability to conquer fear more and more and more rapidly. And I promise you in 2019 I almost couldn't walk out to that red dot swear. This woman will tell you and will justify this because she was standing right there with me and she was so scared I wasn't gonna walk out. I was scared I wasn't gonna walk out. I was able to get myself to walk out. I'm gonna share this actual steps I took to ensure that I could walk out. And these are the same steps I use now

for any big stage I'm gonna take. Any scary meeting I'm going into, anything I feel intimidated about, I remind myself of these steps. Okay, so I'm gonna walk you through them. I'm gonna hopefully include all of them. There's a lot. I've got like an arsenal for you on hacks

on how to step into fear, how to step into those big moments. And literally I wrote the playbook for them from my TEDx talk. That's, gosh, that's doing that scariest thing taught me the best lesson and gave me this proof that I can go out and conquer anything, any fear. And that's what set me up for such success

going into this humongous opportunity. So know whatever scary thing you're thinking about this week. Asking the girl on the date, pitching yourself for a promotion, quitting your job, standing up for your, so I don't know what it is. You know what it is. Think about what it is for you right now. And do me a favor and tackle it like a beast

because you can. If I could walk out from behind that curtain with that TEDx talk and be so proud of it today, and that constantly is what I might go back to moment when I think about the next time I'm doing something scary. I just remind myself, oh yeah, I got through that. I can get through anything. Those really scary moments are what propel you forward

and remind you of how strong you really are. So take it on, tackle it this week, because you need to know I'm tackling the biggest thing ever in one week from right now, and I'm so, so excited. I'm really so excited. That's one of the first keys. You can say to yourself, I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous, or you can say, I'm so excited, I'm so excited.

And owning that small tweak makes a huge and powerful difference. And your brain, literally, science shows this. So there's a very fine line between fear and excitement. Lean into being excited. I also, I'm already going to start down this path now. I was just going to say, I also remind myself that Beyoncé, one of the biggest performers

in the entire world, when she feels nervous, she channels her inner Sasha fears before she takes a stage. And if Beyonce needs to do that, I'm okay with me doing it too. Who will you channel when you're finding yourself in a pinch? Channel your inner Heather Monahan. Channel your inner Beyonce. Whoever it is, but know that if Beyonce needs to do that, sometimes it's just going to be fine for you and me to do it as well. Right? Take some of that pressure off of yourself. I think that's so incredible that she shares that. And the other thing is, if you didn't feel a

little nervous walking into something, you wouldn't care. I want to be a person that cares, right? I feel proud of me that I feel a little excited and nervous and I really care and I'm pushing myself to grow and realize the potential within me and pushing to make the world a better place, I care. That makes me feel proud. If you didn't feel a little nervous, I'd say you're not going big enough. So just go bigger.

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And who doesn't feel confident when they look better? I know I for sure do. So you're resetting yourself up for massive success within a month, you're gonna see a huge difference and you're gonna be feeling so confident. So I'm so excited for you. Okay. So back to this idea of what do you do when you're walking into a super intimidating situation

or going next level and struggling with your confidence? I'm going to walk you through exactly what I did for my TEDx talk. I repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Anytime I'm walking into something scary, I use the same formula because it works. It got me out from behind that curtain when I literally didn't think I could do it. I remember the last thing I said to myself, and this is a great hack for you.

They called my name and I didn't budge. And I was like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna do this? I stopped, I closed my eyes and I said to myself, if you don't walk out there, you will never forgive yourself. If you walk out there and blow it, I'm going to be so proud of you. And I took all the pressure off of me. All I had to do was walk out. That was what I decided in that last second.

So I want you to, when you're in these big, scary moments, take all the pressure off of you. And remember, just do it because you want to be proud of you, that you follow through on something that you challenge yourself to do. That in another self builds confidence. Okay, so I've given you a couple of hacks already, but I want to walk you through a number of others. I think there are like 15 of them that I put into practice.

So first of all, I kind of mentioned this. This is a really good one, and I use this all the time. And I use my TEDx as the example, but find three times in your life. You were going to do something that was scary and things ended up turning out okay. Those are your own personal proofs. It's like your own personal social proof that this time things are going to be okay. You've done it before. This is not your first rodeo.

You know this is going to be okay. The more you do something, the more competent you are, the more confident you are. Don't forget about these three examples. For me, it's always the TEDx I look at. That's just such a big one. I was paralyzed by fear, truly in the moment. And I busted my way through it, and I killed it. And that means I'm gonna do the exact same thing this time.

But I even know this time I won't be as scared because I've got that other time behind me. Lean on those other moments in your life you've been scared and you did it anyway and it turned out okay. Okay, so that's proof that this next one that you're gonna tackle this week is gonna go well too. Practice. Oh my gosh, whatever it is, if you want to pitch yourself for a new job, if you want to give a speech, you know, whatever it is, if you wanna pitch yourself for a new job, if you want to give a speech, whatever it is, practice. Put the reps in, put the time in. My TEDx talk, I practice for months on that thing. The more you practice something,

the more muscle memory you have, the more your brain feels confident and the more you feel confident, put the reps in. If you try to cut corners and not put the time in effort, and you're not gonna feel as confident, put the reps in. If you try to cut corners and not put the time in effort and you're not going to feel as confident, you're not going to feel as ready. So put the time in and practice. Even if it's to pitch yourself for a job, practice that.

Sit down with a friend, film yourself doing it, put the practice, put the reps in. Okay, go to the venue wherever it is that if you're going to pitch yourself for a job, you're going to give a talk, whatever it may be, go to that venue because the more you can envision yourself being there in the moment actually doing it, the more real it's going to be. For my TEDx talk, I went to the venue two weeks ahead of time.

I took video, I took pictures of myself there, I walked that whole entire stadium. I mean, I was so immersed in it, and I closed my eyes, and I pictured myself nailing my TEDx talk. So all of those things help visualize, visualize yourself. I did this on the nightly. I would watch the most successful TEDx talks in my living room, in my condo. At night, seeing what does success look like, right?

Because I'm going for success. I'm going for as big as possible, as great as possible. I want it to be amazing. And then I would visualize myself doing it. I'd close my eyes and I would lay there and I would visualize myself coming out and standing on that little red circle and nailing it, just like I had practiced. Visualize. It works.

Tom Brady is not the goat for no reason that guy uses visualizations. So many Olympic athletes use visualization. It works. They're science behind it. Visualize yourself doing it. Speak it into existence. This week I've heard this message from a couple of people, well, have there maybe I shouldn't go for this.

Maybe if I'm going to try to be on a podcast, I should go for a B-ray one first. I don't even know what people are talking about. Go bigger, go home, speak it into existence that you're doing it. You don't need to go tiny first if you don't want to. Go all in and own it and claim it and speak it. The more you do that, the more confident you're going to feel, the more sure you're going to feel

and the more your beliefs are going to support you and that making it happen. You've got to believe it's going to happen if you more your beliefs are going to support you and that making it happen. You've got to believe it's going to happen if you want anybody else to speak it into existence as if it already has. I am an amazing TEDx speaker, right? I was right around my house saying that for months before I actually gave my TEDx talk. It works. Write out or script it into being.

This is another, you know, writing things down. It depends how you learn. I'm a super visual person. Writing things down for me helps me massively. So I wrote down. I'm so thankful and grateful. My TEDx talk went amazing and has 50 million views. Now here's the thing.

I don't have 50 million views yet, but we know one day I will. I don't know how it's going to happen. That's not up to me. I just know that it will. Right, so own it, speak it into existence, and write it out as if it's gonna happen, that's not up to me. I just know that it well. Right, so own it, speak it into existence and write it out as if it's already happened, script it into being.

Believe it, and that's gonna help you believe it. You have to believe this as possible. One of the ways to make sure you believe it is to fire your villains, get rid of negative people in your life, don't welcome them in, don't ask for their input, never ask someone for a direction if they haven't been where you're going. So if you're given a TEDx talk, don't ask someone who hasn't given a bang up TEDx talk, right?

Get those negative people out of your head, out of your life, and fire the number one negative voice that many of us have, which is our own, right? Stop that tape and rerun a new one, which is positive and speaking what you want happening into existence. Okay, look at your famed love file. This is something that I do on the regular. Any time someone sends me a really nice note, if I help them with something, if they wanted to give me positive feedback, I take a screenshot and I save it in a file called fam love. And whenever I'm feeling down or doubting myself, I go look at that file and it reminds me, I was put on this

earth to do good and to make this world a better place and so were you. And we need to shine our light, amp up our light, own that and put ourselves out of our comfort zone to stretch ourselves to grow. Because we're here to make a difference. And when we make a difference, we impact and touch other people. And that's a beautiful thing. So I like to read those notes to remind myself, oh, that other time I was scared on that one too. And it impacted people in a positive way. Okay, I was scared

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You're here to make the world a better place. You've got to stretch yourself and push yourself to make that happen. And remember why you're doing it. The why really helps. Ooh, right on the bottom of your shoes. Okay, I actually created a product called SoulSings, which is so good.

You can find it at my link tree that has all these different sings for the bottom of your shoes. But this started because when I was giving my talks, this is even before my TEDx talk, I started writing, I can and I will. And black sharpie marker on the bottom of my shoes, just to remind myself,

I know I'm gonna get a little nervous when I get out there. I wanna remember I'm standing in and owning that I can and I will. And you can too. So claim it, own it, write it down on your shoes. Okay, fire your villains, super important. Surround yourself with your hype squad. Thank goodness I had Cynthia and Jacob with me the day of my TEDx talk.

I had bombed in the rehearsal and someone had been really negative to me and spoke some real not nice things to me. I fired that villain, walked right by him and got back to my height crew and they reminded me of all these other great things that I've done and they reminded me what a positive difference I'm making and they reminded me like get your hype squad close for the moments when you're feeling a little low. They'll help you amplify your light. And it's going to ignite theirs too.

OK, music, you're playlist. OK, priming your mind. This is super important. This goes back to I studied psychology and college. And PavLosLaw is, again, more science-backed tools that you can use when researchers would ring a bell and then feed dogs. What they learned was that dogs would start salivating when they heard the bell, not when

they saw the food. So you could actually train your mind to have a physical response ahead of anything else happening just by repeating behaviors. Ring the bell, show the food, feed the dog. Suddenly they'd ring the bell and just the dog thought they were already eating and they were salivating. So I do that to myself. I have one playlist and one playlist only

that I only use when I'm gonna do something big and scary. I highly recommend you do the same and I train my brain. So when I was gonna interview Sarah Blakely and I was super scared, I was in my green room listening to that playlist, visualizing it going great, writing on the bottom of my shoes. I can,

I will, and inhaling my lavender. Sents are really powerful in my life. And when I smell lavender, it centers and calms me. Think of what scent you can leverage to help you get calm and centered and feel powerful right before you're about to do something big. Another thing is how you stand. While I'm in the green room, I'm standing in a powerful way with my hands on my hips. I'm jumping up and down. Like movement is something that helps me.

Leverage all of these things to help you. And literally, I'm not kidding you. I go through these things any time I'm doing something big. So for those of you that think I just like stroll out, you know, on a stage with thousands of people and crush it without, you know, breaking a sweat, I put a lot of work into this stuff. If success was easy, everybody would have it, by the way. Okay, so that playlist, it primes your mind, it sets you up for success, and it's telling

your mind, your body, everything, you're about to go kill it, and you do. Ask for what you need. I remember at the TEDx, people were running up to me. I wanted to talk to you before you're talk. This and that. And I just said to everyone, I'm not speaking to anyone until after my talk. I am removing myself from this back area because there were so many people freaking out

and was negative energy and nervous people everywhere. And I couldn't stand it. I went and locked myself in a bathroom with my team members said via and popped my AirPods in and listened to my playlist in there because that's what I needed. Ask for what you want because you deserve it. But if you don't ask, no one's going to give it to you. You've got to ask for what you want and what's going to help you. Where are your power colors? When I'm really nervous, there's a very good chance I'm gonna be wearing bluer red, right? Those are my power colors. Be thoughtful about how you're dressing

and how it makes you feel. And that might not work for everybody, but for me, the better I look, the stronger and more confident I feel. So I put extra effort in when I have something big coming up that I'm scared of, to how I'm gonna look, how I'm gonna dress. I try on 95 different things, right?

And I make sure I feel secure and good in that. I wanna be as confident as possible. I'm using my one-skinsome confident in my skin. I'm looking good, right? But these things for me, they help. I'm gonna whiteen my teeth before I get out there. It's gonna make me feel a little bit stronger, a little bit more confident.

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cost per application pricing not available for everyone. Need to hire? You need indeed. Okay, read affirmations. You know, I am powerful. I am confident. I am loving. I am good. I am kind, I am successful.

Whatever it is for you, like write those things out, own them, rock them with feeling and get excited about them. Oh, and there's a couple of other hacks I have for you. Tapping, EFT tapping helps release anxiety right before you're going to do something big. EMDR, rapid eye movement therapy, that's another thing that works really well. Hypnosis is another great thing I've read a chapter about that in my first book, Confidence Creator. You know, there's so many hacks out there that can help you, but at the end,

right before you're about to go do whatever big scary thing it is, take all the pressure off of you. Just like I did that day. If you go out there, I'm gonna be so proud of you. If you don't walk out there, you're never gonna be a little bit with yourself. Get it up, let's go. That was all it took for me.

I closed my eyes and said that, and then I don't remember the first 60 seconds out on that stage, but because I had done all of these other things, because I had practiced so much, I had primed my mind, primed my body, I had done all these things, I was able to carry myself out there and

you'll be able to do the same too. And then really what you're doing when you take all that pressure off is you're letting go and letting God. And anytime I'm giving a big speech, I always say, God, please use me, please speak through me, please allow us to impact and help others through this message. We're doing good, right? Like as long as you're doing good and and living the mission that you've been put on this earth for, you should go for more. You do need to go bigger. You need to enlarge your territory.

You need to impact more people. And that's how I see it is that, you know, God put us on this earth to make this place a better place to impact people in a positive way. I go look at my famed love file and I remember how many people I've impacted and that challenges and pushes me to go for more, to take that next scary stage, that next big opportunity. And I'm challenging you to do the same.

So hopefully these tips will help you. I promise they kill it for me. They work every time. And that's why I don't have to be as nervous anymore going into these really major moments. Now, I'm really excited and I can't wait to share it all with you. Okay, so don't forget, one skin, go listen to that episode. I want you to understand how good this product is. Game changer for me, and I was so sick of using 85 different products. This is why it's an incredible line for men, too. It's only two products on your face and one on your body. And for me, it's just been a very healing. That's the only word I can think

of when I describe it. It's just been really healing for my skin. And I saw someone today who I could see had that really thin skin and I had to run up to somebody I don't know because I know this product can help them so much. I just ran up and said, I'd love it if you would just check out the one skin website. I think you're going to love it. It's going to be so good for you, right? Because there are always solutions out there. Sometimes you just don't know about them yet. I didn't know about one skin until just a few months ago, and I'm so grateful that I discovered it. And I want to make sure you discover it too. And that's why you've got, I think if a week with this code confidence, remember, you can only use it one time. So subscribe to all three.

This is my recommendation anyways. Subscribe to all three. That way you can cancel at any point in time. If you don't like it or you're like, it's not good enough for me or whatever or I don't need this product or whatever. Cancel, cancel that. But at least then you grab the 15% off

on everything forever. And that will save you money and save your skin. My work is done here, people. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. I can't wait to get you up to speed on what's going on as soon as I can. And I can't wait to hear what big thing you went for now that you got my tips, my hacks, and my tricks.

So go for more, go bigger, go for it, and send me a message and let me know how it goes. I'm on all social media at Heather Monahan. You can go to my website, HeatherMonahan.com. Shoot me a note, shoot me a message and let me know how it goes. I'm on all social media at Heather Monahan. You can go to my website, HeatherMonahan.com. Shoot me a note, shoot me a question. I always answer them here. I'm here for you. I'm here to keep creating my confidence

and I know you are too. Please, if you can leave a review of the show, if you like this episode, if you give me a review, tell me that you liked it. If you share the show, it all helps so much. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. I'm Kevin Mehl. I decided to change that dynamic.

And the light fell out. I couldn't be more excited for what you're in here. Start learning and growing. And inevitably something will happen. No one seems alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You can miss it. I'm on this, a former pro-athlete author, father of nine, and self-help guide.

I broadcast the self-helpful podcast from my sanctuary high-eft in the Colorado Rockies. I'm a fan and critic of self-help. So I invite today's most important influencers to grapple with their own wisdom and stories in an authentic, relatable conversation about self-help and what drives them. With each guest, I conduct a four-part series that distills the guest's greatest wisdom and methodologies into practical transformative steps that you and I can use to create our path to a life of growth, freedom and fulfillment. These unique conversations and candid explorations of paradigm shifting

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