Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #363: Build Your Wealth, Boost Your Career, & Transform Your Life With A Healthy State of PANIC with Farnoosh Torabi Author, Podcast Host, & Financial Expert

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

To check out OneSkin click here!  https://shareasale.com/u.cfm?d=1054216&m=102446&u=3821794&afftrack= To get your 15% one time use discount use code: Confidence Remember if you opt in for the subscription you can cancel any time but you can only use the discount code once. In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Using fear as a tool for enhancing your life What to do with negative emotions instead of FIGHT them How you can deconstruct your limiting beliefs & move on What happens when you find the lessons in failure Resources: Website: farnoosh.tv Read A Healthy State of Panic: Follow Your Fears to Build Wealth, Crush Your Career, and Win at Life Listen to So Money LinkedIn & Facebook & Instagram: @farnooshtorabi Twitter: @Farnoosh Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  Get 55% off at Babbel.com/MONAHAN  Visit Indeed.com/monahan to start hiring now. Go to 4Patriots.com and use code CONFIDENCE to get 10% off. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan, all lowercase Show Notes:  Are you afraid of fear?! It seems like a straightforward question but FEAR doesn’t have to be SCARY. Farnoosh Torabi, Personal Finance Expert, Host of the award-winning podcast So Money, and bestselling author, is here to explain how fear is her friend! She understands the power of fear and how to reframe it as a tool that can reshape our lives for the better. She will tell us all about the different types of fear, how to understand our fear, and how to deconstruct it so it doesn’t control us. Are you ready to transform your life with a healthy state of panic? About The Guest: Farnoosh Torabi is one of America’s leading personal finance experts. She is the host of the award-winning podcast So Money that has earned over 25 million downloads. She is a sought-after speaker and author of multiple books. Her next is entitled A Healthy State of Panic, part-memoir, part-guidebook on how fear can be a superpower to achieve true wealth and career success. Along with being featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Time Magazine, Farnoosh has appeared frequently on Today, Good Morning America, and more. She is a graduate of the Pennsylvania State University with a degree in finance and international business and holds a master’s degree from the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. Farnoosh lives on the East Coast with her husband and two children.  If You Liked This Episode You Might Also Like These Episodes: The Key To Staying Positive When The Unexpected Challenge Inevitably Hits With Heather!  The Best Negotiation Strategy for Business & Personal Relationships with Molly Fletcher Sports Agent Turned Keynote Speaker  How to Become the Most Powerful Person in Any Room with Heather!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tired of business books that focus on Silicon Valley Unicorns and billion dollar organizations, so is Patrick Esposito, CEO of Acme General Corp, and author of The Structure of Success, a framework to build your business better, the latest release on the Inc. Original Imprint. Esposito, who has successfully founded, scaled and sold multiple startups, identifies the eight, most important factors within a small and medium-sized business internal structure that impacts its chances of success. The structure of success covers everything from management compensation to succession plan

to determining the right time to merge or acquire a competitor. He provides a nuts and bolts resource for real world business owners and entrepreneurs to help them outlast the competition, solve problems and provide for their employees, families and communities. Dr. Marshall Goldsmith thinkers 50 number one executive coach and best-selling author says, the structure of success is an incredibly insightful and pragmatic guide for any entrepreneur

or business owner. It answers all the tough questions that business owners face when trying to grow and succeed while maintaining their core values and culture. This is a must read. For more information, visit patrickesposito.com. The structure of success is available now wherever books are sold. Pick up your copy today and build your business better. Fear is a valid emotion.

We all feel all sorts of things all day long. If we were just supposed to be programmed for happiness, I'm not sure I want to live in that world. I mean, I just saw the Barbie movie. Even Barbie wants to be human. That's the whole point, right? We all of our feelings deserve space. And if you're feeling sad or angry or fear,

then give it a minute. Where did you come from? What do you want me to learn? I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We've come at first aid, and set you up for better tomorrow.

Faster, no sleeper. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so excited for you to meet my guest this week. Farnoosh Tarravi is one of America's leading personal finance experts. You know I need that in my life. She is the host of the award-winning podcast, So Money, that turned over 30 million downloads. She's a sought after speaker and author of multiple books.

Her newest is entitled A Healthy State of Panic. Part memoir, part guidebook on how fear can be a superpower to achieve true wealth and career success, along with being featured in The New York Times Wall Street Journal Time magazine. Farnoosh has appeared frequently on today's show Good Morning America and War. She's a graduate of the Pennsylvania State University with a degree in finance and international business and holds a master's degree from Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism. Farnoosh lives on the East Coast with her husband and two children. Farnoosh, thank you so much for being here with us today.

Heather, thank you so much. And you left out the most important part of my bio is that I'm from Worcester, which is also where you're from, which we just discovered eight seconds ago. It's so amazing, because it never happens. And for everyone listening,

Wister is not, oh, actually you brought this up. It's not the most desirable location that people are excited to share. They grew up in, right? Well, don't blame us. The New York Times did a whole cover story on Wister years ago recently and called it nobody's first choice. Why could I dig this story up big time. Yeah, I'll send you the link. It's a good one. Well, luckily, we're not just talking about Wisterday. However, the first chapter in your newest book actually does dive into Wister. Why did you choose to do that?

Well, I mean, so many interesting stories. I grew up a terrified young girl. And that's really what the book, it's where the book begins. It starts about, you know, my early years as a young girl growing up in Worcester to immigrant parents from Iran. And being afraid of loneliness, of rejection, of accidentally ingesting cilantro, because my parents cooked a lot of Iranian food, and I don't like cilantro. And just like, I was the poster kid for being afraid and Worcester is the backdrop of all of this

because Worcester II in the 80s, remember, was the epitome of sort of like, you know, local crime scenes. And five o'clock news, back of milk cartons did not help with the PR campaign for Worcester. And so my parents, the reason we move there was because it is also fun fact. Worcester, while it is the sort of like rough and tough city or was, it's also the destination

for over I think a dozen colleges and universities. And my dad, an immigrant from Iran, was there to study and get his PhD and my mom and I were sort of like, oh, long for the ride. And my mom is 19. She doesn't speak English. I'm born and she doesn't have a license. And so she's afraid.

And so then she makes me afraid to sort of keep me on the straight and narrow. And you know, it led to some comedy as a kid. But what I recognized in myself as I was working on this book is that fear never quite left me. And I think that's universal. I think we're all very familiar with fear. The campaign against fear, however, in our culture is very, very strong. We are told that we must be fearless in order to be successful. And I don't have to tell you, there's lots and lots of books on this,

there's lots and lots of studies on this. Academics want us to be rid of this treacherous emotion, just smile more, they tell us. You know, and we'll just magically, the fear will evaporate. I've never been able to do that. And in fact, I have learned that when I am patient with fear, when I recognize that my fears are personal and they show up for a reason

to remind me of what I want to protect, that's when the good stuff happens. That's when I have actually turned inward and reminded of my values and make hard decisions at life's crossroads with money in my career, in my relationships. And that's where I want to teach everybody, is that fear is universal, there is nothing wrong with being afraid, and when you are afraid, it is an opportunity to get to know yourself a lot more from what better place is there to then go and make a high stakes decision. And I'm just excited. And Worcester, yeah, it's just one of those places where I love that I had the chance to

be in Worcester. Because you know what else Worcester taught me? Is that it's okay to be different. Everybody was different in Worcester. I went to public school and it was like the UN. I mean, every little kid from all walks of life there, and I credit so much of my empathy that I have today to growing up in a city that was so disparate economically,

socially, all of it, and just had that diversity. It's something that I hope to give my kids, like we're not going to go back to Western, we're not living in Western, but, you know, we've chosen our suburb because of the diversity because I think that that is the best education in some ways. I am raising my son in Miami, Florida as you know, and that diversity and exposure to different backgrounds and cultures and ethnicities is incredible. And prices not to not feel like Worcester offered that diverse of a backdrop, but it definitely fear for me. It's so interesting,

you know, so much about your book is around refraining fear. My second book is a very similar topic and so much of that is rooted in our upbringing. And yeah, I was petrified growing up as well. And for anyone who hasn't been to wister, you will understand once you can jump into that city and see what it would be like being a young kid there at what age did you start learning to reframe this too harness fear to something positive. I was in my mid to late 20s. After wister, you know, I go on to go to college, Penn State, again, a place where on the one hand so vast and everyone can sort of hopefully find their way, but it was I'm not a football fan. I didn't want to join the Greek life. I felt like I made a mistake, you know, and I was thinking about transferring and I felt lonely at Penn State, I felt a lot of, you know, sometimes rejection, which I think is normal again to like who doesn't have those kind of awkward first year, two years of college. But then I started to work in the media and that's when I really started to go hand in hand with fear because what's scarier than the cutthroat media world in New York where I was told I had to change my name. I was told to drop weight. I was told a lot of bad things about

really just making myself feel smaller and worse, right, and trying to compete against a lot of competition in New York. And through that experience, I ultimately realized that my mistake was what whenever fear was showing up at work or everywhere else. It was, on my impulse was to try to fight it. My impulse was to try to say that this is weakness. Like I should really try to, you know, put on a happier face and be courageous and just be grateful for everything I have. Why am I afraid? And nothing against gratitude practices, nothing against happiness, but fear also deserves a place and a space, you know, fear like all of our emotions has validity. It is running through us in rich abundance, like really we wouldn't be here if it wasn't

for fear. And of course, not all fears are rational. But when you are fearing things like, and I talk about it in the book, I go through nine visceral fears, like the fear of loneliness, the fear of rejection, FOMO, all the way to like the fear of money and the fear of uncertainty and failure. These are really like the big kahuna's of fear, and we all feel them. And they all usually have important wisdom to extract that they want to teach us something. And I realized that when I fought fear, that's when I ran into dead ends. That's when I lost myself. I mean, I was live on the today show for the first time in 2008, introducing my first book,

You're So Money. And on the one hand, what a privilege, right? I was like young and this national broadcast was taking a chance on me and I was so excited, but I also terrified. I thought my jaw was to show up and try to be like everybody else. I thought that my fear was telling me to just assimilate and remember how to talk like all the others and dress like the others. And what happened was I went on the show and tried to put on a front. And I said some pretty stupid things while live on the air and course corrected thankfully. But in that moment, I got so scared, so scared of rejection specifically. Like I was gonna walk off that set

and I was gonna be laughed out of my industry. And in that moment, I was so scared and that adrenaline of that fear, I could hear the voice almost. It was like, Farnouche, just stick your landing. Okay, you've got three minutes left, what's done is done, but if you're afraid of rejection, pull another tool out of your arsenal, the only tool left, which is being yourself.

And I was, I remember slowing down, finally listening to the questions and remembering that I deserve to be there. And then I had important things to say. And I'd written this book. And I was almost like I was self sabotaging myself when I was trying to fight the fear. It was only when I recognized that the fear's not going away. I slugged, I finished this segment.

And all I got left is myself and what I know and who I am. So let's go with that. And looking back on that live moment, And all I got left is myself and what I know and who I am. So let's go with that. And you know, looking back on that live moment, I can't say that in the moment, I had the smarts and the wisdom to not listen to fear, but I did it. You know, some I like, I, I then later, um, knowing that, you know, this worked. I remember, you know remember another time in my career when I was applying to write for Oprah Magazine, and I was invited in to be a contestant and applicant

for the financial column of the month. And I met with Gail King and Lucy Kaelin and like a team of editors. I mean, I was like heart palpitating. And I knew that I had a lot of competition. There were like 11 other financial experts who were vying for this monthly column spot. And I went in there and again, fearing things like rejection and who am I an imposter syndrome. The first question they asked me was,

why should we hire you? How do you stand out amongst the sea of financial experts? And because I initially was trying to fight the fear, I ended up talking up the other people. I was like, well, I'm not as, I'm not as much of an expert as so and so. And I don't have a CFP like so and so. And I don't have millions of followers like the other person. And I could just see the faces of around the table like, why is she not answering the question? And I saw just see the faces of around the table like, why is she not answering the question? And I saw Lucy was the then editor in chief kind of like slump in her chair.

And that's when the fear fired up in me and was like again, but I recognized it this time. I was older. I was more mature. I had seen how fear could be my friend. And I realized, oh my God, I'm doing this again. You know, you know, like it's only given out of body experience. And I was like, okay, stick your landing.

And how you're gonna do that is you're gonna remind these people, why they brought you in here in the first place. This is supposed to be a soft interview. You've gotten so far. This isn't about proving yourself. It's about just telling them who you are again. And so we were talking about the podcast,

my podcast, so money, which was a differentiator for me, not everybody else had a podcast. And furthermore, a podcast that was daily that gave me a window into everybody's financial questions and concerns, which PS is right for content for a column. So we ended up talking for about an hour and a half, got the job, ended up working for Oprah for a couple of years, and that was a moment where I consciously started to use fear more constructively to be able to figure out how to perform in the moment and get what was important to me. And so many other times in my life, in my personal life with respect to my partnership and my marriage, being a mom, I'm terrified all the time.

And sometimes failure is the point. Like, you know, sometimes I feel like when fear shows up, you just got to like let it run its course and just sit back and have a cocktail because there's really nothing else to do. But yeah, I think it was in my mid to late 20s when I started to go, oh, okay, I'm afraid. Here we go, but it's important to breathe through the resistance. My trainer always says, when there is resistance, you don't fight it, you breathe through it. And fear is like any other form of resistance.

When it shows up, maybe our inclination is not to give it a hug, but I think that this book is really trying to remind us that we have a choice when fear shows up. We can choose to fight it or we can choose to stare it in the face and go, what do you want me to protect? Why are you here? And sometimes you want to ask it, who brought you here? Because sometimes we inherit fears, which we can get into.

But it's worth the exploration. The thing about running your own business is every single hire accounts. And no hiring partner understands that, like indeed. Indeed is a hiring platform where you can attract interview and hire all in one place. Don't spend hours on multiple job sites, looking for candidates with the right skills

when you can do it all with indeed. Find top talent fast with indeed suite of powerful hiring tools like matching assessments and virtual interviews. Hate waiting, indeed, US data shows over 80% of indeed employers find quality candidates who's resuming on indeed matches their job description. The moment they sponsor a job.

Indeed matching is incredible. I mean candidates you invite to apply through instant match are three times more likely to apply to your job than candidates who only see it in search according to US and D data. With indeed matching as soon as you sponsor a post, you get a short list of quality candidates whose resume on indeed match your job description. Boom! It's hiring at warp speed.

Indeed it does the hard work for you. A sponsor a job will match you with quality candidates, whose resume is unindeed. Fit your job description right when you post. With indeed, you can start hiring fast. Indeed knows when you're growing your own business, you have to make every dollar count. That's why with indeed, you only pay for quality applications that match your must-have job requirements.

Visit indeed.com slash monahan to start hiring now. Just go to indeed.com slash monahan to start hiring now. Just go to Indeed.com slash monahan. Indeed.com slash monahan, terms and conditions apply. Cost per application, pricing not available for everyone. Need to hire? You need Indeed. If your business earns millions or tens of millions of revenue, stop what you're doing. Take a listen because NetSuite by Oracle has just rolled out the best offer we've ever seen.

NetSuite gives you the visibility and control you need to make better decisions faster. Who doesn't need that? And for the first time in NetSuite's 22 years as the number one cloud financial system, you can defer payments of a full NetSuite implementation for six months. That's no payment, no interest for six months. And you can take advantage of this special financing offer today. NetSuite is number one, because they give your business everything you need in real time, all in one place, to reduce manual processes, boost efficiency, build forecast,

and increase productivity across every department. The power of having all this information in one place is unbelievable and so needed. It's unprecedented. This offer in NetSuite is providing to make all of this possible for you. 33,000 companies have already upgraded to NetSuite gaining visibility and control over their financials, inventory, HR, e-commerce, and so much more. If you've been sizing up NetSuite to make the switch, then you know this deal is unprecedented. No interest, no payments, take advantage of the special financing offer at NetSuite.com-MonaHan.

NetSuite.com-MonaHan to get the visibility and control you need to weather any storm. NetSuite.com-MonaHan. to whether any storm, net slash monahan. Oh, it de you just reminded me just my son got his license. I right line down in South over two hours away. So I away from coming home and

him on the train at nine my hand. He's by himself and he says, I just hit somebody. And immediately your mind goes to fear and how I physically can't be there to help this person who's 100% dependent on me. What can I do? Which I said, I'm going to call you right back. And I immediately called my building and found an individual and adult that I knew I could trust that I could say jump in right now. I'm nowhere near the house. Someone asked to go help my child, and I trust this person, this person went, which was great.

But the funny thing is, of course, that whole train ride, I could do nothing, right? I just had to trust that I tapped the right person, and it was going to work out. And when I got home, it was actually funny. I was so grateful to this person that helped my child. My son was so grateful, So that was all positive. However, I walked in, I said, honey, I can't believe this happened day one of you getting your license. And even so many of you said, mom, it was all for the best.

Now I got it out of the way. I'm not worried about getting an accident. It already happened me on the first day. And I actually feel really confident about my driving moving forward. So who would have known that that was going to come out of this complete fear debacle, but it ended up somehow being a win.

And the reality is I had no control over it. It was really up to how my son chose to see it. Yes, I love the perspective that he took. And I think he might be afraid every time now he gets back in the car, which is a healthy fear. Like my husband always reminds us when we get in the car. He's like driving is the most dangerous thing, more dangerous than flying, more dangerous than riding your

bike. Like it's the most dangerous thing you'll probably do all day. So take it really seriously, put your phone down, quiet, put some classical music on, like seat belts, like go, but be scared while doing it, because it probably will help. But I also want to say Heather, to give you more credit, like, guess you were two hours away, but in that moment of fear, which I would identify more crystally as the fear of uncertainty, like there were a lot of fears, like the fear for your son, the fear for the unknown, there was a lot that you couldn't control in the moment, which I define as uncertainty, right?

You can't control, you can't make things certain for him. But the fear was a catalyst for you to go and do the right thing. Like you took a minute, a second, a beat to go, okay, who can help my son? If not me, who else? And so you dialed someone immediately, got like fear was with you that entire time. And I would argue helped you immediately identify what you wanted to protect, which was your son, and you got really resourceful. Because when the fear of uncertainty shows up, what is it actually? It's a push to get us to feel more in control of a situation as best we can with the resources that we have.

You couldn't just throw money at that situation. You couldn't beam yourself to go see your son. You can have a space flying contraption to take you into the future to take you there. But you had your phone and you had that mom instinct of who you could trust and you did it and you did it perfectly. So fear, that was Heather's healthy state of panic moment. Well, you know it's funny to that

and I'm interested to hear what your opinion is on this. But for certain people, I believe our action takers, other people, you know, it's funny to that and I'm interested to hear what your opinion is on this, but for certain people I believe are action takers other people, you know more process things I happen to be an action taker So that's always my first move is what action step can I take right now to you know cut this fear off. However, you're right when this was applied to fear around my son I was able to you know take the appropriate steps. However, when it's fear of uncertainty because we're on that fear right now, in my business, in my life, and my finances, holy, that is debilitating to me. I start spiraling,

and I know because it goes back to some conscious issues that I have from my childhood, how I grew up, which was, this was always the worst, financial issues where there was no control, total uncertainty, major, major fear around it. So as a grown 40, 90-year-old woman who's been able to create success in her life, I go

backwards in a non-healthy way to a really negative spiral. And I've been trying to retrain, and I say trying because I'm not nailing it by any stretch of the imagination. And even this week I'm dealing with something very uncertain that I worked super hard for. And it's not panning out or it hasn't pinned out yet the way that I had anticipated or thought it would. And to get my brain to stop obsessing over,

it's not gonna go well, going to the negative, going to, okay, then I'm afraid right now, I've got to go to worst case scenario. This is not happening, I just wasted money, I wasted time, and it's really hard trying to get myself to place a piece and surrender with, you know, whatever it's going to be, is going to be great.

And I just can't connect those dots yet. But I will tell you, it has been hard. What advice can you give people who are in that mess right now? Well, so many different kinds of fear I'm hearing from all that you're describing. One, that quickly comes to mind is the fear of failure. So with your event, like, there's a fear that it's not going to use your words, go the way that you want it and it's not going to pan out. And so

sometimes when the fear of failure specifically shows up, what it is sometimes trying us to recalculate is our definition of success. Because sometimes you are putting on this pedestal, this definition of success, that deserves probing. Like why? Why is that the measure of success? Because success, not to say that success should come easy, but success shouldn't deplete us either. The pursuit of a success shouldn't deplete us either

or make us spiral, right? Success for me is when I'm doing something that feels completely aligned with who I am. And yes, there's ROI and yes, it sparks joy and yes, there's demand. But also that there is sustainability there. Like it's something that I can like anchor my career to. That's to me like ultimate success. So when I pursue things, I have to get very clear beforehand on what is the definition of success for me? What is the outcome that would make me really fulfilled? And sometimes to manage that fear of uncertainty, because maybe that doesn't happen, what's

the next best thing that could come out of this? Or what's a way to leverage this, even if it is a failure to leverage the failure into something else? And sometimes it's about recognizing that when we pursue things, it's not even about the end goal half the time. It's about along the journey, who are you gonna meet, what are the lessons you're gonna learn, what is the exposure you're going to get,

all of those are opportunities to experience and leverage for later. So it requires a reframe that requires a heightened consciousness when you're pursuing any goal to not be so laser focused on the outcome sometimes, but also the journey. And to be grateful for everyone you're meeting and the lessons they're teaching you and what you're learning about yourself, because I will say that in my 20 plus year career, not everything's been a success, as maybe some would define, it's not been a success as maybe some would define. It's not been a straightforward success. I've had TV shows that have failed, quote unquote failed, meaning they didn't get renewed.

I've had jobs where I've gotten laid off. I mean, what could be more of the definition of failure there? Like, we don't want you anymore. Bye. And yet, I'm still here. And yet, I feel successful. It's because all of those moments, maybe in the moment, don't feel like they're going to turn into something greater, but it does, but it takes me wanting it. It takes me going back and going, okay, what was that all for? What was the lesson? That couldn something new? Where does this leave me? Like if this was an ending of a job, of an opportunity,

what door is now open because this is gone? A door that wouldn't have been opened had that persisted and continued that I want to pursue. Like when my show on CNBC ended after one season, it was gutting, it was devastating. Because in summer guards, you're like, will I ever achieve television greatness like this again? Like I had a fear of that ending and this chapter 9 in the book like fear of endings come in all shapes and sizes, fears of jobs, ending, fear of relationships, ending, fear of your life, ending quite literally.

So what is that fear trying to sometimes educate us on? And for me, when that show ended, I realized, well, I can't do anything about it. Like, I can't go beg the network to put that on the air. That's not going to happen. But is there something in my life that I can fill this hole with that I can do that I can be proactive about? And it doesn't even have anything to do with television or my career, in fact.

But it's about growing my family. Because to be honest with you, Heather, like doing a television show that requires travel and 15 hours a day of shooting and being on airplanes, not conducive for baby making or baby raising. So I recognize that when the show ended, it was maybe the universe being like, now is your chance to go do that thing. And that's, of course, there's a lot of uncertainty with trying to have children, but I'm going to give it my best shot with confidence and clarity now, because this is gone. And I was like, in hindsight,

like so thankful when that show did end, because we did have our daughter the next year. And I mean, what's more important than that. So, you know, it takes life experience to be able to speak with this sort of, with what I, everything I'm sharing right now, and I realize that like when you're 20, you don't have all the answers, but trust me, I've been there, I've gone through it, I continue to go through it,

and just having more of an appreciation for the process, and trusting that you do your best, you absolutely are accountable and yet of course life happens. But trust that whatever is on the other side is still good. If you still have your resources, you still have your ambition, you still have your dedication to success, to your definition of success, and things will work out. Things never work out the way we want, never ever. Like, what are you kidding?

I mean, show me someone who says, my life has turned out perfectly. I'm not sure I want to be friends with this person, you know, because I don't know if this person is to be trusted. Yeah, they're not honest, that's exactly right. They're not being honest, you know? And this is not me being woo-woo or spiritual.

It's just being like, look, at the end of the day, if something doesn't pan out the way you thought, what are you left with? And that's not a rhetorical question. You are still left with a lot, right? You got this far. That took something. So what are all those some things, right? Your ambition, your determination, your role of dex, your ability to strategize, everything that got you here

can take you somewhere else. And so now your job is just to keep that momentum going. Oh my gosh, it's so true. And while you're talking, I'm thinking about when I got fired and how I truly thought it was, my life was over that I had lost everything. I really cried. I've lost everything.

No one understands what this is like. And little did I know it ended up being the biggest gift to my adult life. I mean, to truly start stepping into what I was supposed to be doing. A purpose driven life, a passion driven life doing work that I felt excited about every single day that I know is the path I meant to be on. And I wasn't on that right path. And I somehow in a big way had to be redirected to it. Even though it was very hard and trying to go through to your point, I've learned and I do feel it as woo-woo, though in my opinion, I do have to trust now

there's something greater out there than me that is showing me and guiding me and helping me get there, even when I don't wanna go. But then I also challenge anyone listening. Think about past relationships. You didn't want those to end either. And then you end up in such a better situation after, you know, just because we're in a routine or we're in a rut or we're settling or we think that, you know, this is the only opportunity or option ahead

of us. It's so helpful to go through these big fear moments and these big life changes because it does give you such a better perspective. And now I'm constantly challenging myself to use that same rationale against whatever challenge I'm currently facing to say, I just don't know what that next thing is yet. I got to let go. And I've got a surrender to this. I don't need to obsess about it. I don't need to do anything else. I can just get back to work and focus on these other great things I have in my life and see how all these dots ultimately connect. You bring up a great point about relationships. I talk about that a lot in the book too. It's not just a money book.

You know, if you're looking for like how to get out of debt, like this is not the book and people have been reviewing the book being like, I was looking for like, you know, five ways to like invest. I'm like, then I'm sorry. Like I have a whole bunch of books I can recommend, but this is not it. This is about how fear can help guide you through your financial life as well as your career and your relationships,

because everything is connected. When we're talking about money, we're talking about life. And with regards to relationships, I think breaking up the ending there, that fear is so hard, because, well, we in our minds create a vision for the life that we're in, right?

We think that, okay, from the outside, well, I want to be in a committed relationship, and this is what this relationship is represented to me and others, others being like your family or culture, your friends. It feels as though you're going to lose the sense of your identity and living up to that ideal. But when you really think about it, if you are unhappy in your relationship, that's what's real. That is the truth.

And breaking up is like, and you're worried about giving up on this ideal of like the happy relationship, but that was never true. So you're giving up on something that actually is a fallacy that never actually happened, maybe it happened in the beginning, but it didn't sustain.

And so don't feel bad about that. It's like anything else, anything else that we kind of concocted in our brains, we create this like ideal, this vision. And I have a story there about a mom whose daughter came to her in her teens and said, I want to transition to being a male, like I'm a boy. And her mother was really, really sad about it because in her mind, she always wanted to be the mother to a daughter and had all these visions of like her wedding day and everything. But then she realized that like that was all a dream. And what is real is that her son now is standing before her, telling her exactly who he is,

and that she hasn't lost a child, the child is still there. Nothing has changed except for the fact that her child is happier now, having landed on their true identity. And so giving up on that vision was so much easier when she was able to actually focus on what is true and real and today.

And that is sometimes what the fear of an ending is nudging us towards. It's like get out of this sort of vision, this ideal that you've created for yourself, which isn't even real, right? It's not like a bad thing necessarily. It just hasn't actually happened. And so why are we overwhelmed by that?

Why are we allowing it to stop us in our tracks? You know, it's not like at the house that you've lived in that's burnt down. You know, it's like this thing in your head that like, okay, maybe you wanted that to be true. It didn't happen, but what is true? What is good and what is real in your life? And so again, the fear of endings,

it shows up in a lot of different places and corners in our life, but so much wisdom to extract from it. In a startling description, the UN Food Chief warned the world with the words, knocking on Famine's door. He called what we're facing a perfect storm of a perfect storm. And he's not alone.

Barrens published that a food shortage could be coming, even in the US. Farmers see it too. John Boy Jr., a fourth-generation farmer, Barons published that a food shortage could be coming even in the US. Farmers see it too. John Boyd, Jr., a fourth-generation farmer told Fox News that we're going to see empty food shelves in the coming months. That's why getting survival food is more important than ever. Now, create your own stockpile of the best-selling four-patriot survival food kits.

It's not ordinary food. We're talking good for 25 years, super survival food, hand packed in a family own facility in the USA and giving jobs to over 200 Americans. They have different delicious breakfast lunches, dinners. You can make these meals in less than 20 minutes. Just add boiling water, simmer, and serve. And right now for the next few days, listeners of creating confidence with Heather Madden will get 10% off their order at 4patriots.com by using code confidence. Go to 4patriots.com and use code confidence to start your stockpile today. Now when no one else is, well, maybe they are, but who cares, our sale is better. And it's on right now, no waiting necessary.

You have the latest phone, now take advantage of a great price on a 5G subscription phone plan. It's the perfect deal for anyone who could use some savings right now. Subscribe today at publicmobile.ca, different is calling. Oh, you need to show up with some exercises on that topic, because I can tell you right now people will be loving diving into that work. All right, I have a big question for you yet again, personally. You mentioned that you see a connection with fear around relationship, money, work, all these things.

How do you see that all connected? I don't understand that. Well, I've been working in personal finance for over 20 years. People have come to me with all sorts of money questions. And the truth is, when we're talking about money, we are inevitably talking about so much else. Money is the backbone of our ability to afford decisions in our lives, decisions regarding relationships, buying a house. Well, that's where you're going to live and raise your family, affording a career, which then, you know, we're talking about

your profession. And also when we're talking about money, we're talking about our histories, how we grew up, thinking about money and relating to money, which then takes us back to childhood, and our relationship with our parents and our caregivers. And so money is often the window that conversation gives us a gateway into talking about so many other things. And this is why I love money, not because I just love money, but because no one likes to talk about money.

But when you do get into things like relationships and work, people are interested in that. And it's kind of a backdoor way of getting into money, you know, because when you're talking about these other things like money inevitably will show up. And so that's what I mean by money is kind of the nucleus of so many other topics in our lives that sometimes we care more deeply about. And what I would prefer is that everybody cares about money all the time, sees its value, sees it's important to be literate and fluid and money.

And if we can't get there directly, we can get there indirectly by talking about relationships and career and our mindset and all of that other stuff. Because inevitably we will get back to money. I know that you talk about, you go through all these different nine fears, and one of them you talk about getting yourself to the true money story. What does that mean?

And can you talk about that a little bit? Yes. Chapter six is called the Fear of Money. It's central to the book, just like I talked about. Although I talk about the Fear of Money throughout the book, there's one dedicated chapter, and it's in the middle middle because I kind of feel like it's a buildup, you know, we talk about loneliness and rejection and FOMO first and exposure and all these other fears, which I think show up in the fear of money as well. Sometimes our fears piggyback on one another, sometimes they lock hands and so they don't work in silos. But the fear of money, when you experience that, and let me just be more specific because fear of money is just a very abstract thing.

Very concretely, things that people are really afraid about in their financial lives, going broke. Right, never getting out of debt. The cycle of debt because maybe they grew up with parents who didn't manage money well or witnessed a parent go through bankruptcy. This is just gonna be a part of my life. I'll never get over it.

Fear of asking for more money. This shows up so much in my own life and others, like because we often associate what we make with our value as individuals. And so detaching those two things can be really, really hard and scary. The fear of scarcity of never having enough. People I've met are millionaires, right?

You know them. We all know them. It doesn't matter how much you make, sometimes, is that feeling of never actually feeling secure, which is not a money issue. It's an emotional issue and a psychological issue. So wherever you are in your financial fears, the first question I always want people to ask that fear is, how did you arrive in my life? Like, really, you know, like, why do I feel you? And what I'm

asking you ultimately did to do is to go on a little bit of a journey. Like, identifying who taught you the fear, where you first witnessed it, and at what point did you decide to inherit it? Because money, I should say, is not something that we grow up knowing anything about. It's not like anyone is predisposition to having more of a money mind than somebody else. Like, I'm sorry, no, because money, you know, you can be a great mathematical mind, you can still be terrible with money. So it's really just about your life experiences that inform your ability to have a relationship with money that

is either healthy or not. That's it. And that being said, you can change that. You can evolve, you can learn, you can grow. But often when we are adults and we are choosing to hold on to certain financial fears, it's because it's from a past life. And our job is to follow that fear. What you may discover is that the fear is not actually a fear. It's a fallacy. And yet, you've allowed it to become a truth in your life. And you may recognize also through this unpacking that you've surrounded yourself with people and value systems that don't align with who you are and where you want to go.

And so quite an awakening. Again, when we explore money stuff, we explore so much about our lives and the truths. And so when you go through this unpacking of a money story because the fear asked you to do it, or you recognized the fear and said, this is what I'm supposed to do. This is like what Farnish wants me to do.

You hopefully will get to a place where you're like, okay, I get it now. So now what? So now your job as an adult with agency who has hopes and dreams for herself is to rewrite it. You know, I personally thought that making more money would come at a huge cost to me. That was my fear in my 30s. I thought that if I tried to earn over seven figures, I was making mid-six, that it was gonna come at a huge cost of my time, of my relationships with my kids, with my partner, that I was gonna be labeled a money-hungry woman who had her values f'd up. Like, I really thought these things.

Despite the fact that I was a financial expert, an advocate for women and financial independence, the breadwinner of my marriage, I had gotten pretty far, but there were like I had even my own limits. I remember I was talking to a financial coach one day for work, because I didn't think I needed one. You know, we got the talking and I was like, I think, you know, I think I'm financially fine. Like I don't think I want to push it. I think I'm good. You know, these seven figure entrepreneurs, that's great for them, but we're good because I felt like I was making the bills. We had money left over like why? Why would I want to make more money? Gosh, at this point, I'm just being greedy. Well, she said to me, what is it about making more that bothers you? Actually, like don't you want to be more powerful? And I said no, ew power. I don't want power.

Like again, I felt like she was like reminding me of why I didn't want money because she goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, why is power such a triggering word for you? And I said, well, because power just means like I don't want to like I don't have anyone I want to dominate. I don't want to be someone who's controlling like I don't want more money to be that person. And she goes, news flash, more money to be that person. She goes, news flash, having more power is multifaceted. And it doesn't just mean control. It doesn't just mean the guy in the high tower, you know, with the billions, you know, dominating. It doesn't mean, you know, tyrants. It's also the power to uplift, the power to heal, the power to support, right? And if you are somebody who's still in your life, in your young life, wants to make an impact,

wants to help her community, wants to live a quality life and leave a financial legacy for her children, then I'm gonna tell you that you're selling yourself short with this narrative. And it was such a great kick in the pants, Heather, because I, again, I like recognize this fear and I did the question, I said, well, where did this come from? And it turns out it came from a lot of grooming, a lot of childhood grooming around money being this

thing that if you had a lot of it, you were necessarily not a great person, that you maybe had your values messed up, I saw men in our culture, our Iranian culture who guarded all the money, who didn't share it with their families, who didn't invite their wives into the financial planning, women who were told to be ambitious, but then when they did reach success, were like not married, seems lonely.

And so I just thought that it was gonna for me come at a great cost. Not true, right? I had this conversation with the money coach, she said there is another way, but you know what, truthfully, I did wanna protect my time. I did wanna protect my relationships.

I was afraid of sacrificing that. And sometimes making more money does comment that expense. That's not untrue. So I said to myself, my job is to figure out a way to make more money, but recognize that fear in me that wants to protect my time and wants to protect my relationships. Is there a way? Is there a vent diagram where that overlap is where I need to go and make the money? And that existed. First thing I did just raised my prices. Yeah, everyone can do this. It takes no time just deciding.

Yeah, everyone can do this. It takes no time just deciding. I was selling myself short, you know, and I was earning less for it. And I just started to ask for more and I got more. So that's one thing. I invested in an assistant, which I recognize on everybody can do, but I was being really tight with my money. And I realized that if I just invested in some important help,

then that would free up my time to focus on the bigger wins, the relationship building, the program development that would then make me cross the seven figure threshold eventually within a year or two. So I was, even me, somebody who had written financial books, a financial expert, who had a fear of money, who asked it where it came from, discovered it, realized that's not the narrative she wants to hold on to, still though respecting the fear of losing time and losing relationships, to go still do the thing, but with my own blueprint. That's so powerful and so good. And I appreciate that you sharing

that even as a financial expert, your face with this. And as you're explaining so much of it is just culturally how we are specifically with women, we hear this rhetoric that, you know, you don't wanna be the most powerful, you know, to get to the highest levels you need to be. But there is that juxtaposed,

and I appreciate that financial coach that shared with you, that that just simply wasn't true. And that was very, very helpful. Having met with so many people, having these discussions that people are struggling with different issues around fear,

what's another popular takeaway that you feel like can serve a large audience? Wow, well, I just want to reiterate that I think fear needs a rebrand in our culture. And if you grew up or are being told currently that fearlessness is the way, I hope that you can come to a place and come to a terms with the fact that fear is a valid emotion. You know, we all feel all sorts of things all day long. Like if we were just supposed to be programmed for happiness, I'm not sure I want to live in that world. I mean, I just saw the Barbie movie. Even Barbie wants to be human, you know, like that's the whole

point, right? Like we all of our feelings deserve space. And if you're feeling sad or angry or fear, then give it a minute. Like what where did you come from? What do you want me to learn? A study just came out this year saying that those of us who recognize these quote unquote bad emotions like fear, sadness, anger as just like neutral emotions or even perhaps emotions that can be helpful to us are happier than those of us who try to resist these feelings. You know, and again, a woman in her 40s who has lived through this, I know firsthand

that when you try to fight fear, it just gets bigger. Anything you try to fight in your life that has arrived with something important to tell you, like won't go away. It's like a very persistent salesperson, right? Like they just, they're really persistent. And I just feel like fear is better than a salesperson. Like it's a friend who really, really wants to get into your kitchen to tell you something really important about yourself that you may have forgotten,

that you may have overlooked, that you're not giving enough credit to, to say this is what you need to remember and hold on to as you're walking into this next pivotal moment in your life. It may not still work out, but on the other side, you did this with integrity. You did this with complete self alignment and you can be proud of it. That's so powerful. Where can everybody find your new book? Where can everybody find you? Well, you can go to ahealthystateofpanic.com to learn more about how to get the book. If you're listening to this and it's before October 3rd, which is when the book comes out, you will get exclusive bonuses on that page, which includes

access to my course, the Intro to the book, a workbook, and I am three days a week hosting the So Money Podcast. So I would love for you to join. I'd love to have you have there on the So Money Podcast. I think we'd have a lot more to talk about. Let's do it. Farnoosh, thank you so much for the work that you continue to do. And thank you for putting yourself out there, moving through the fear, making it work for you. Where can everybody find you? Instagram. I'm very much having fun on Instagram at Farnish Terrabi. TikTok maybe someday, I don't know.

I'm like still learning, but Instagram is where it's happening for me. Well, it's a healthy state of panic. Get the book guys, start dealing with these fears and putting them to work for you. Farnish, thank you so you. Thank you so much. Thank you Heather. Until next week guys, keep creating your confidence.

Go to the show notes, check out the book of all your links below. This episode is brought to you by the YAP Media Podcast Network. I'm Hala Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire YAP Media, and host of YAP Young and Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week, we dive into a new topic like the Art of Side Hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting.

I interview A-List guests on Young & goal setting. I interview a list guests on young and profiting I've got the best guest like the world's number one negotiation expert Chris Voss Shark Damon John serial entrepreneurs Alex and Lila Hermosi and even movie stars like Matthew McConaughey There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam packed with advice that's gonna push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcasts is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you, it's an advanced show. As long as you want

to learn and level up, you will be forever young. So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young & Profiting podcast. Or, yeah, like it's often called by my app fam. On Apple Spotify, Castbox or wherever you listen to your podcast.