Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #37: Falling seven times, and getting up eight with Ed Mylett

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Heather is live from Global Keynote Speaker, Best-selling Author and Business Podcaster Ed Mylett's home in sunny California to share the crushing moments in his life that made him who he is. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

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My guest today, get ready for it. Well, you already heard because I was been on all over Instagram because I'm so freaking excited. I'm fanning out. Stop it. No, I am more excited. We are here today at Ed Milet's home. Ed, which I'm sure you obviously know him. You obviously follow him on Instagram, YouTube.

He's got the number one business podcast on iTunes. He's a global keynote speaker, bestselling author, and an influencer of millions and someone who mentors me from afar, which I let him know today. And I'm super excited. And just the best energy, really great guy, great family guy, and just overall great person. So thank you so much, Ed. Thank you. That sounded good. I wish I was like half true. So thank you. It is true. And, you know, we talked about that. So here's something that I wanted to kick off with because I didn't, you know, I mentioned this to you off camera. You and I grew up very similarly. And to see the

success, your light years ahead of me right now. And I, and I mentioned this to you earlier, to see the success, the level of success that you have achieved from having no water on in your home to now living here, and I will have pictures up, guys, so you can see on this beautiful waterfront property that's mind-blowing, the transition that you've gone from from a business perspective, personal life perspective is massive. The one thing weirdly that I'm jealous of, I feel like, is you went through this pivot moment years ago. And that pivot moment from the outside looking in and tell me, and I want to hear from you what that moment really was, but to me, was that moment the baseball injury? Yeah. Wow. You know a lot. Yeah, for sure. Like a lot of people,

my first dream ended. That's when your life probably is going to be defined. Yes. Don't you think? You're going to have a dream end, whether it's a marriage or a business you've started or something you're pursuing that just didn't work out. That's really when you're going to be measured. And for me, that ended in baseball. I'd never really thought about doing anything except playing. Like I didn't, I did to college. I got a degree, but it was more to play baseball. I didn't really think at the time I was going to have to use it. And I got down for a long time. It was a really difficult place to get up from. But it wasn't, here's what I figured out. It wasn't baseball that I wanted. It's what being successful at baseball. It's how I thought that would make me feel. You know what I mean? I

thought I'd feel like I'd love myself. I thought I'd feel self-confident. I thought I'd feel important or successful or valuable if I was, if I had made that dream come true. And I think a lot of people think, well, if I can keep this relationship, then I'll feel loved, then I'll feel valued, or if I make millions in business. And so for me, it was a way of, how can I get that same feeling baseball could have given me through doing something else? And for me, that was becoming an entrepreneur and serving people for sure. But one of the things that I feel like was interesting is that didn't come naturally, it didn't happen immediately, right? No, it sounds like it was a trying time for you and you actually ended up leaning on direction from your father.

Yeah, nothing. It's funny. My dad, you know this story, but my dad was an alcoholic, my entire upbringing. Now he's one of my best friends. He's been sober, 30-something years. But my dad came home from an AA meeting who was getting sober and everything in your life happens for you, not to you. And I really believe that. Like, I think if you could accept that things are happening for me and not against me or to me, your whole life perspective would change. And my dad's drinking happened for me. And not because just that my dad got me a job at a group home. I got a job at an orphanage through my dad. But I give you the big thing that happened. When you come from a dysfunctional family like I do, I had to learn to assess people really early. So like as a five-year-old, you probably relate to this because you had the alcoholic thing in your family too. I had to assess my dad when I'd walk through the front door. Which one's, which dad just walked in? Is it drunk, kind of angry, tired, grumpy dad? Or is it happy, sober dad? So it was a five, six, seven-year-old little boy. I was building the skills ironically through this tragedy of his drinking of learning to really read people and assess people. And I didn't know that 20 years later, that would be one of my

greatest gifts in business is my ability to kind of read people and assess what they need and to care for them. And that's all born out of my dad's drinking and doing it as a little boy. So that was one of the great gifts of my dad's drinking. And for all of you listening to this, there's some tragedy or difficulty you've gone through. And in that there is some gift being revealed to you, whether that's a skill, a talent, a person, an opportunity. a decision you've made that comes in that adversity that can change your life. And for me, one of them for sure is my ability to read human beings because I had to read my dad to protect our family.

So I know that this pivot moment, which is so profound and well articulated, thank you for sharing that. And people need to really understand. You can choose to be the victim or choose to be empowered as a result of these awful situations, which you chose the latter. going through this, there were times and stories I've heard you share, as I explained, you've been mentoring me, you know, you still were out to lunch with a friend years after this all happened saying, I have nothing in my life to be grateful for, for me.

Yeah. I think when you're successful, it's easy when you do a podcast or a show to go, yes, I made this choice. I chose not to be a victim. I chose to be a victor. But it wasn't really that simple, right? Like I still had to overcome me and my normal tendency, I think in my family, it's maybe why people medicate themselves, like to look at the negative side of things, to worry, to fear, to have anxiety.

To this day, I'm a 47 year old man. Is that how old I'm 48 year old man? I'm 48. What am I saying? And my dad to this day, when I hang up with my dad on the phone, he goes, hey, be careful. What am I exactly being careful for, dad? Like, I'm 48 years old. Am I looking for boogeyman?

Like, what are you, but it's like wired in my family to worry, to fear, to maybe some of the people can relate to this. So even as I was having some good things happen in my life, I would find ways to see the things that weren't positive in my life. And that's when I started to learn about the reticular activating system in your brain. I had to learn these things. Like, when you meet somebody who's pretty good at self-help or personal development like myself, it's at a necessity. I had to learn these things to be a functioning man, not just achieve to be happy. And so I learned there's this thing in your brain called the reticular activating system. It's the filter of your life.

It processes information. It tells you what's important. For me, my old RAS would find the things to worry, fear, to be careful about. Now it's to be grateful for. It's opportunities. It's abundance. It's clients. It's prospects.

It's people I can help. That filters change. I say this all the time. I know you know this. But if you've ever bought a new car and you've got a blue van, all of a sudden you see this blue van all over the highway. You could be three lanes over on the wrong side. They're like, damn, there's another blue van over there. Those vans were always there. But before you filtered them out of your awareness because they weren't important, now that you have one, you see them everywhere. If the blue

vans of your life can be prospects, clients, abundance, opportunities, bliss, gratitude, those blue vans are everywhere. Currently, you're filtering them out. It's like a matrix. And my matrix was I'd filter in anxiety, worry, fear, discouragement. Now I filter in. these other things. It's the same exact world. I just filter it differently. And that's been the reason that my success has changed is that filter is my RAS. And another way to explain that is confirmation bias. Would you agree? Yes. Yes. Right. So we're always looking for ways to support the way that we're thinking. And it's about rewiring through practice and making new grooves in our brains so that they become normal for us, changing our current normal. One of the ways that I've known you to share this that I really

liked was about changing environment and changing people. And I watched one of your episodes recently on YouTube where you explained the process to go through to make this happen. I was hoping you could share that with us. Yeah. Personal development talks a lot about the mental side of winning. And it's super huge that you change the mental side. But equally important, if not more, is your environmental.

In other words, the environment you're in will sort of dictate how you behave. If you think about it, the very same person in a morning, it's you, you could go to a funeral. There's an appropriate protocol at that funeral. You're more quiet. You're closed off. You're certainly not jumping up and down cheering. You leave that environment. At 8 o'clock that night, you're at a football game and someone scores a touchdown.

You're jumping up and down. Same person, different environment, different behavior. That's how much behavior is dictated by environment, right? And so you have to ask yourself, what's my current environment? Who is it that's influencing me? These people that are in your life, right? Are they past reference people or future or present reference? When you're around the majority of the people you hang around,

are you always reminiscing about the past? Remember when? Remember that party? Remember that home run? Remember that? If you're constantly doing that, you're reinforcing that state of your life. Do you have friends that when you're with them,

you're talking about the present and the future? Most people don't have that. And they wonder why they keep repeating the same chapters of their life against because your environment is dictating the past all the time. The other thing is the people that are around you, do they feed you energy or take your energy? Right? The vast majority of people, there's people in your life, they're always giving them your energy, giving them. Who feeds you?

Who gives you energy? Who gives you juice? And when I started to change who the people were in my life and all of a sudden at dinner now, we're talking about the future. We're talking about the present, not the past. I started to reinforce that part of my life and it reprogram my environment. Now, for the most part, what did you and I spend most of our time talking about? about today. The future. Where you're going in your career, what the possibilities are. We didn't

spend all our time on the past. I know about your past. We talked about that, but we're talking about where you're going, what you're going to accomplish. Those are the people that I want in my life. The kind of people, you know, most people say, I want people in my life who accept me as I am. Just accept me as I am. I don't want that. I want people who don't accept this version of me. They love me, but they believe in me to the extent that this version of me isn't acceptable. I want people who aspire more from me. The most powerful force on earth, other than God in the universe, is to be consistent with the expectations of your peer group. Your life will end up being the most powerful force on earth is for you to end up being consistent of what your peer group expects of you.

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We don't want to fall back in. And if I can just launch Instagram and see all the people like you I follow and get the messaging, that can take me right out of it. One million percent just don't have too many, right? Like pick legit people. You and I have been talking about. Pick people who have built, like, why am I doing this with you today? You're a legitimate business woman. You've legitimately created revenue.

Hundreds of millions of revenue, right? I want to watch and follow people who have something real to offer me. One of the dangers of social media is anybody with a microphone, anybody with a camera, can be an expert. Right. And so I want to learn a little bit. What's their business background? What's their success? What's their track record?

But yes, like before social media, my peer group was Napoleon Hill and Tony Robbins and Schwartz, who I think wrote How a Man Thinketh. I would read these books and I found that, I mean, people might think this is old school advice, but like I don't just read a book like I'm reading the words. I pretend the author speaking to me for the two weeks. It's like I lived with Napoleon Hill for two weeks. I lived with Jim Rome. I lived with Zig Ziglar, right? I lived with these people. I live with Dr. Robert Anthony, and I'd let them impact me and be my peer during those weeks, be my friend.

It's different when you read a book that way. It changes you. Social media is amazing. You could listen to my podcast. A good friend of my head and seen in like 30 years I talked to in my garage the other night. He called me out of the blue, and he's like, bro, I just spent two weeks on your YouTube, everything you need to know about life's on your YouTube and your podcast. And I'm like, well, I don't know, it's everything you need to know about life.

But there's a lot there that just 10 years. ago you couldn't get access to. Well, you weren't even on social media. Three years ago you got on social media. Right. Three years ago I started. That's a pretty massive jump. Yeah, I was very blessed. I just very blessed. Well, I think part of it goes back to you got that tangible business background, right? And then you're just being real and authentic. And that, don't you think that's a big differentiator? Yeah. Like, I don't have it all figured out. I'm on this journey with the people in my audience and with my, I guess with my following. I certainly have a track record in certain areas. And what I try to do is I try to say, hey, this I know about.

This one right here for sure. This is my lesson I've learned. This one right here I'm working through. And I'm struggling with myself. So I let my audience know when I know something and when I think something. And there's a difference. And I think that vulnerability, I always say vulnerability is like a gateway to magnify all the other emotions in your life. And so I don't think that I'm a guru or a Yoda or I have every answer.

What I do have is some experience. Success does leave clues. There's a recipe. I've got my own recipe. but I'm learning and growing. For example, if you're following me on social media right now, I promise you in a year I'm not going to be saying the same things. One of the things that drive me nuts is the repeatable messages,

the same people say the same things over and over and over again. I want to be growing. If I don't have something new to offer you in a year on my podcast or my social media, why listen to me anymore? You've already heard that message. It's not that some things don't bear repeating, but there should be more breakthroughs, more insights, more clear ways of explaining things.

That's what I'm always working on. That's the pressure on me is to have more learning, to be not just on social media, but still be building my company, still be out there doing things so that I have new distinctions. If I'm just going off the businesses I've already built, well, I already had those breakthroughs. I need to be building new companies, having new experiences, so I have more to offer people. So putting yourself in new situations, which oftentimes means you're going to face fear. And I like the way that you explain facing fear. Well, I explained it a whole bunch of different ways.

But for me, on the other side of most of my fears, there's a gift revealed. And people think, that sounds really neat. I read that in a meme before. But it's different types of gifts. Like, some of those gifts might be a person you meet on the other side of it. For example, my greatest fear 20 years ago was public speaking. Like, terrified. It's unbelievable.

You're so good now. It's crazy. And so are you. But, like, I mean, like, great fear. And it's not that it's not a fear anymore, but I mean, like a phobia. type fear. And there was a bunch of experience happening when I was a kid that kind of made me not want to talk. And we don't have to get into those today. But I literally had this phobia. And I was at an event. I spoke. And a really great speaker said to me, I think you have a gift. In fact, next week come speak at my event. The guy's name was Tony Robbins. And I ended up going to speak at an event for him. And then we went on a speaking tour where I'm on this tour with one of the great speakers in the world. And what happened was I found out on the other side of that fear was buried my gift. And One of my great gifts. Now that gift could be a talent. That gift could be a person. That gift could be a company a client, a prospect, a relationship. But now I kind of dig fearful things. It's not that I don't have the fear, but I'm like, all right, I wonder what's on the other side of this sucker if I can conquer it. And so even getting on social media was a fear of mine. Losing my privacy and my anonymity by being on social media was a fear of my. But the great gift on the other side of that is literally thousands of times, millions of times having somebody say, hey, you're not. really helped me in my marriage or I'm going back to church again or I started a company or I'm

more confident now like it's been the greatest reward ever is losing my anonymity yet it was a great fear of mine so all my really big gifts first time I one of the great fears ever had was asking my girlfriend out on a date I mean it's terrifying she'd be and my wife right so like great fear revealed something to me right and so you know I encourage you to push through those things because it's not every time, but it's the vast majority of the time. There's some great gifts revealed to you. So one of the things I love that you've explained that I've never heard to explain the way you have is around identity and using the analogy of the thermostat. Yeah.

It's going to hear you. It's kind of too cold in here too, isn't it? Well, just cold outside today. So your identity is this guiding force of your whole life. And your identity is basically like the thoughts, concepts, and beliefs that you hold to be the most true about you. Not what you tell everybody, but like when you're alone, what you really. feel you're worth to some extent. And it's the governor of your entire life. You can build every other external thing in the world. But that governor, and it's a thermostat setting, like on the wall

over here, it's set pretty colds right now. And when that thing is set, that thermostat of your life, you have multiple thermostat things. You have one for happiness, love, faith, abundance, fitness, right? Money. And when that thermostat is set, it will govern your life. And the external conditions don't matter. So that thermostat rate, let's say it's set at 70 degrees. If 50 degrees, if 50 degrees of cold air blows in this room, the external air has nothing to do with this internal temperature of this room or your life. That thermostat's going to regulate this room. It'll heat it back up again.

In your life, if you've ever had it, you really get it going. You get life going to 90, 95, 100 degrees of, let's say, money or abundance or happiness. And then all of a sudden, six months later, you find a way to cool your life back down to your thermostat setting of abundance at 75 degrees. And that happens over and over. You will heat or cool your life back to that thermostat. setting and you've all experienced it maybe you've been your 75 degree in fitness and you've gotten really good shape and you lost weight and you looked great and you're at 85 90 95 degrees and then it just

seemed like coincidence but you went on a vacation and you got sick and then you got busy and miss the gym and all of a sudden six months later you turn the thermostat the air conditioners on and you're back at 75 degrees or maybe you've gotten a great relationship and it's at 90 100 200 degrees and a year later you've cooled it back down to 75 again it's because it's because you've gotten a great relationship. this internal regulator of your life, your identity will always govern the internal conditions. And so the key is changing that temperature setting. Can you get yourself to be an 85 degree or a 95 degree or a hundred degree or in abundance, wealth, et cetera? And you do that through your associations. You do that through your activity level. You do that through breaking through new levels.

You do through that feeding yourself the right messages. So my obsession is changing my thermostat setting, changing my identity all the time because the rest of my life will dictate that. So does that really mean not doing the same thing, staying in that same job, staying in that same circle? It's not staying in the same behavior. So I might be in the same place, but I'm not going to be doing the same behaviors. I'm going to be learning new breakthroughs. I'm going to be thinking differently. I'm going to be taking new actions.

I'm going to be having new experiences. Something happens when you're like 20, 25 years old, 18 for some people. We stop expanding. We stop trying. We start worrying so much about what everybody thinks about us. are willingness to step into the unknown. You and I were talking about Jesse Hitzler, who you've interviewed and who's a good friend of mine.

And one of the things we both concluded is that most of our adult life been willing to step into spaces we were ill prepared for. Like I'll just get into the room and I'll figure it out when I get there. That's what a child does. A child's constantly doing things they've never been prepared for.

Adults all of a sudden get this delusion. I have to be perfectly prepared. I've got to be completely ready. Everything's got to be in place, except it never is. Right. If that was the case, we would have never walked.

We would never, isn't that right though? You would have never walked. You would have never talked. You would never done anything. As a child, you kind of like intuitively are willing to step into these spaces. And then as the world criticizes you, as your identity starts to get formed, as your self-confidence starts to get limited, you stop having the willingness and the courage to step into these unknown spaces, and you stop living.

Living is stepping into the unknown. Uncertainty. People who can deal with the largest amount of uncertainty are the how. I'm not going to beaest ironically. Like for me, you think back, like I'm really happy now with all of the ocean front. Of course. Let me tell you some. I was damn happy when I was pursuing this, the unknown, not knowing. That's why people love to reflect on the past because it was more of an unknown time than now. Right. So when I was studying for finals in college or playing college baseball, I loved those times because it was the unknown. It was new in your relationship. Here's the truth. For the vast majority of people, it was better in the beginning than it is now.

It's just uns, it's a sad truth. That exciting part of it. It was newer. It was more unknown. Now it's a known commodity. And so there's not as much juice to it. In fact, the key to a relationship is to keep the unknown, to keep stepping into these spaces as a couple. So it stays new and fresh.

If you don't do that, it becomes less valuable to you. Your life becomes less valuable to you with the lower and lower amounts of uncertainty and less unknowns. That's the irony. We try to avoid it, but it takes all the juice. So when you're describing that, to me, the idea of stepping into uncertainty is easy or easier if you're confident. Big time. Versus if you are full of self-doubt.

So how do you define confidence? How do you create confidence? Confidence, as you know, I strongly believe I did a post about this today. Confidence is the really simple thing to build and most people don't do it. Self-confidence is building a reputation with yourself where you trust you. When I meet an unconfident person and I've been an unconfident person, it's because I had a habit of not keeping promises I made to me. I had a habit of not getting up when I said I would get up, not making the amount of contacts, not going to the gym, not eating a particular way, whatever it was.

I chronically broke promises I made to me. And so I had no reputation of self-trust. Self-confidence is self-trust. So the way you build it is you begin to make small promises that you just simply keep to yourself. It's between you and you. Self-confidence is a you and you game. And I'm now a very self-confident person. I'm not egotistical.

I'm self-confident because I have a reputation with me for years now, keeping the problem. promises that I make to myself. That's how you transform yourself confidence. You know, it's interesting hearing you explain that, I'm thinking, I kept promises and I didn't feel confident. However, now that I'm looking at it, my issues were different. I would let people disrespect me, talk down to me, put ridiculous expectations on me, and I would accept it, which was breaking a promise to myself in some ways because I'd

go home crying at night saying, I'm not letting this happen again. That is a broken promise, but you just said something really important. That's why I love talking to real winners. You also have to give yourself credit for keeping these promises you make yourself. It's not good enough just to do it. You have to be intentional where you're going, I did it, I did it, I did it. I did it. Were you building that up where you go?

No, you can't treat me like that. That's not who I am. My identity is better than that. You teach people how to treat you. A hundred percent. Right? And the minute you begin, I was interviewed by two young ladies a while ago, Amanda Cernie and Summer Ray. They're both really young, wonderful influencers.

not really in this space, but just sort of the Instagram space. At the very end of the interview, Summer asked me, she goes, well, what if I, like, go to dinner and I just don't like the way the guy chooses food? It was something that basic, like a 21-year-old might ask you or something, right? And I go, cut them loose. And she goes, really? And I said, let me tell you something. You deserve to have exactly what you want in a man in a relationship.

You shouldn't settle for anything. It may seem trivial, but you should, and I'm not suggesting that the food thing matters. But the point is when you begin to accept things from somebody, even small things that are less than you're worthy of, you begin to accept the big things in your life. There has to be a point, particularly, I believe to be true in the world today, just because of the way things are messaged in media when it comes to young women and women in general, that there's this almost you should accept this treatment from somebody else just because, and it's the biggest bunch of bullshit in the world. You don't ever accept treatment for somebody that's less than you believe you're worthy of. And if it bothers you, you stand up for yourself. Because the minute you don't is the minute you've taught them, they can keep treating you that way.

And worse, you've taught yourself to your point that that's what you're worth. Every time you take that treatment from another person, you're teaching you that that's what you're worth. And you have to at some point stand up for yourself and say, nope, I'm living the rest of my life where I get the treatment I'm worthy of that I deserve. And if you don't like it, you're out of my life. You have to be willing to do that in this world. When you want more, start your business with Northwest registered agent and get access to thousands of free guides, tools, and legal forms to help you launch and protect your business.

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slash confidence free. And that's the Malcolm X quote that you rock. I love that. That which you do not hate, you will eventually tolerate. And if you don't begin to hate the way, and I mean this, if someone's treating you the wrong way,

or even the conditions of your life right now, well, I'm a little bit overweight. Do you mind telling people what you told me about you today? Fat bastard right now. You called yourself fat bastard. Which you're not, but it's awesome because it hurts, right? When you say it and that pain causes you to move. People are like, I put out a couple pounds.

No, no, no, you're fat ass. Move it. Shift it, right? Like I do that with myself too. It's like the more you can assume some pain for it and hate it, the move you will move away from it. It's this old adage where the dog is kind of groaning. He's sitting on a nail and you're like, what's wrong with the dog? He's moaning.

And they're like, well, it's really uncomfortable sitting on a nail. Well, it hurts enough to moan about it, but not enough to get up and do something. about it, right? Like it's got to be something that's painful enough that you're going to get up and say no to it. And that which you don't hate, you'll eventually tolerate in your life. And there became a point where I hated living with the water turned off. I hated being overweight. I hated people not respecting me. I hated not respecting myself. And I was no longer going to tolerate it because I hated it. But if I didn't hate it, it would have been tolerable to me. And I don't want that anymore. I have some people say, you know, when they're in a relationship and someone made all these

promises about what they were going to build as a couple. I have a really good friend who's going through this right now. And she, her previous husband beat her. He hit her, right? It was terrible. Her new husband made a bunch of promises to her, many of which, most of which he's never kept. And she goes, but at least he's not hitting me. Wow. And I think a lot of people can relate to this. Well, at least he's not doing that. And I said, as long as it's okay with you that he continues to lie to you and break these promises. As long as you don't hate it, you're going to tolerate it. It almost has to get to the point where that's as painful for you as what the previous

person did. They're totally different things on different scales. But the point is we begin to calibrate it. Well, at least it's not bad. It's not so bad. It's not so bad. You got it. You get it lower and lower and lower to where that's where you live and you accept it.

Oh, that's really an awful feeling because I know a lot of people. I've been there myself where I've just. lowered the standards. This currently isn't as bad as where I've been. You got it. So I guess I could stay here. You got it. And you know the other thing? That's that peer group thing. Most of us hang around people where they're like, just lower the thermostat. Why do you have to be so successful? Why is this winning thing so important to you? What about the barbecues we used to have? What about this thing on the weekend? Just lower the thermostat. I want people like, turn it up, man. Turn up that thermostat. So that's the other thing too is like many of our

friends will allow us to give into our weakest decisions. Yeah, man, it's okay. Lower the thermostat. He treats you pretty good. It's okay. You guys aren't unhappy. You don't want to be alone, do you? Right? And you start to do that thing. Here starts coming in. You got it. You got it. So how do you find or how do you recommend to people? Because they're going to say, yeah, you can go find, you coach athletes, politicians. How can everybody find new people that are living where they want to live ahead of them? How do they tap into those people? Great. Great question. By way, go where they are. So not all these places require money. So the first place where they all are is they are on social media and they do have podcasts and they do write books. So they should be in your existence. And then for

me, I want to be around the kinds of people, at least in some area where they're attempting to make strides. So in my own life, that started at a gym. I'm like, you know what? There's a lot of people, at least at the gym, these are people trying to move their life forward. They're trying to improve. They're working out, they're sacrificing TV time to do something. They may be places where there's free public speaking, maybe attend a personal development event and spend a couple bucks if you can afford to go. Find the free places to go. You know where to go. Here's the thing. I want to say something to all of you listen to this. You're pretty damn resourceful when you want to be. If you really want something, you'll find a way to get it. Like if you really need it,

if it's a must for you, you'll find. In life, we get our must. our wants. And life's going to give you what you're willing to fight for, not what you like wish for, right? So if you really wanted it, you'd think about it. You know darn well. People that are at gyms that kind of work out that are in those environments. These are people trying to improve their life. Maybe you could meet some upward mobility type friends there. Maybe there's a class you could take or a personal development event you could attend or someone on social media that you just connect with these little groups where, you know what enough people don't do is they don't go to places like my page on Instagram or your LinkedIn or Instagram, and they don't engage with the other people

there enough. They don't comment on comments. Like one of the ways I built my following was by going to other influencers pages and commenting regularly and commenting, and I met like-minded people. So guess what? Go where they are. You know where a lot of people who are into personal development and business are on my Instagram page every single day? Only 2,000 of them comment every single day. Go in there and engage, comment. Connect with someone who's made a good post. Maybe send a direct message. I love what you say every day on here. What do you do? Could we talk some time? Let's visit. I noticed you're in California. I'm in California. Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee. Like there's nothing wrong with doing a little bit of that. What's the worst that can happen? Well, by the way, there is this weird thing where, you know, you need to be

careful that you don't look like you're doing more than business when you do those things. But the worst that could happen is you meet someone you don't want to connect with. You know what I mean? And I think you should do more that if you want to meet people like that, add them to your circle. It's a numbers game. You just have to start reaching out. Yeah, you're doing it. That's how you and I met. That's, I mean, that's the hustle we talked about.

Yes. I mean, how many times have I message do? Lots, lots. And by the way, that's what I did in the beginning. Right. And the value today for you and I is great that we're doing the pocket. We met each other. Yeah.

Right? We met each other. And that's my face-to-face is so important when you break through. Social's amazing as an entry point to kind of vet people. Correct. some due diligence, but to actually get face-to-face time, you can really know somebody. Correct. Totally. Like, it's totally different today. Yeah, it is. So exciting. I'm grateful. I'm grateful. All right. No one gets off this show without sharing. What was the moment in your life where you struggled

the most with your confidence? There's lots of those moments. I would say when baseball ended, I'll give you the most unconfident second of my life, which would be crazy. You know this story, but I'll share it. My dad came home from that AA meeting. And he goes, I got you a job tomorrow. I was unemployed for like six months, living back and home with my parents. And I go, well, what's the job? Like I had these choices. And he goes, it doesn't freaking matter.

You're going tomorrow. He goes, I don't even know what it is, but go. So I go to this place. It turns out it's a giant orphanage called McKinley, home for boys, hundreds of boys, all wards of the court. Most of the boys at McKinley, parents are dead, incarcerated, or unfortunately had molested them. And I didn't know it when I got there. And I end up walking in, this is the most insecure moment of my life. I ended up walking into cottage number eight, which ironically was my number when I played baseball.

I walk into cottage eight and the room stopped and there's 12 boys all eight and 10 years old that just stop and I got these little eyes looking at me right when I walk in and I'm standing there and they just stop. All the noise stopped and I'm standing and I see these eyes looking at me. That was the most insecure moment of my life yet the most defining moment of my life at the same time. because if you ever come from any abuse as a child, you have them too. Our eyes are a little different. We have these eyes that are just like, just love me, just believe in me, just care about me. Tell me I'm special. You wanted it a little bit more when you don't get it when you're a kid, right?

And I had 12 of them looking at me, 24 of these little eyes. And I remember thinking, I'm not ready for this. I'm getting emotional right now. You've been a years later, I'm not ready for this. And then immediately this intuition of mine kicked in like, I'm just, going to love these boys. I'm going to believe in them. I'm going to coach them. I'm going to mentor them. And that job was huge because I'd take them to school. I'd pick them up. I was there for trick-or-treating. I was there when they opened their presents on Christmas Day. And it transformed my life because for the

first time I got out of me and into other people. My literal existence was to serve these boys, like their father and their big brother. And I found total peace in that. Total peace in caring and loving and believing and mentoring people and looking. When you have little children, you know, you do with a kid, you try to find their gift. What's special about little Ryan? What was special about Jose? Jose was this little boy whose dad had been molesting him. Jose was fast, really good athlete, really good with the other kids, a natural leader. Ryan was like a stand-up comedian. He was hilarious, right? And I tell Ryan, you're so funny, man. You've got to do something where you talk. People change when you talk to them. Jose, you're a leader. People listen to

you, man, they respond. You've got to do this, brother. You got to go run for, he ran for vice president of the fourth grade class. I told him do it and he won. And I remember, man, the rest of my life, when I meet people in business and in life, I want to find their gift and build their gift. I want them to, I want them to feel like I believe in them and I connect with them. So in the most insecure moment of my life, it transformed me because I was so insecure because I was all focused on me. What do they think of me? I don't know if I have the right words. I don't know if I have the right message. The minute I focused on them, all the pressure left me and all the giving happened and all the energy went to them and not to me so the gift of

getting out of your insecurity is what can you serve what can you give how can you contribute to someone else and that insecurity will go away and your real gift will be revealed that's what changed my life in business and i've been doing that since i was 22 years old all the way to 48 years old now in business and every every business i've ever built and you did that when i walked in here today yeah i did yeah you started looking for what could you see in me immediately And how could you help me to grow that? Yeah, that's what I do. That's pretty amazing.

And it's real, which is crazy. Thank you. So how does everybody find you? Because they need to hear more from you. Oh, thank you. Instagram, Ed Milet, E-D, M-Y-L-E-T-T. You can go to iTunes or Stitcher or Spotify for my podcast or YouTube or all of them. There's great content on there.

All my stuff is free. And so I put out content every single week that I hope helps you, inspires you, teaches you those kinds of things. I've got a book, too, called Max Out. You can go to Max Out. book.com. It's a couple bucks or free or something. I don't know. Oh my gosh. Thank you. I'm so grateful for you and I know my listeners are too. Thank you so much for letting me be here today and taking your time. Great interview. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Hang tight. We'll be right back.

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