Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #383: The Stop Apologizing Challenge: How To Empower Yourself In Work & Relationships With Heather!

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

To check out OneSkin click here! https://shareasale.com/u.cfm?d=1054216&m=102446&u=3821794&afftrack= To get your 15% one time use discount use code: Confidence Remember if you opt in for the subscription you can cancel any time but you can only use the discount code once. In This Episode You Will Learn About: How to stop apologizing when you have no reason to be sorry Using gratitude to reframe situations that do not go your way Why it is imperative to stand up for yourself  How saying no to someone can mean saying YES to yourself Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Right now you can get Two Memberships for the Price of One at masterclass.com/monahan Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code CONFIDENCE and depending on the model, you’ll receive UP TO 39% off or UP TO $300 off! Show Notes:  Do you ever catch yourself apologizing too much or not knowing how to say “no” when you need to? It used to be a terrible bad habit of mine! But not standing up for myself and my needs totally ate up my confidence. It is so important to reframe these situations into opportunities for empowerment and gratitude instead! And don’t worry, I’ll show you exactly how to do it. I'll even read a chapter from my first book, Confidence Creator, to emphasize the need for standing up for yourself in everyday situations. So let’s embrace our confidence and create a more impactful and fulfilling life together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, you are going to chase down our goals. Overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's your no-see, honey. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.

Okay, so one of my friends came to me this weekend and was telling me that she so appreciates when I post about the idea that just because you say no to someone doesn't mean that you're wrong and that you're responsible for how they feel, you're entitled to say no to anyone at any point in time and keep it moving. You don't need to apologize for it until it made me think about a chapter in my first book Confidence Creator where I give a-week challenge to stop apologizing. And even more important than stopping apologizing to reframe it as thinking people. Now here's the thing, especially during the holiday times, you might be invited to a lot of work events, parties in Miami art battles right around the holiday time, which is a huge art event that takes over our city for one week.

There are so many events, there's so much craziness going on. And everyone kind of has this idea that you're supposed to go to this, you're supposed to be here, you should do this, which means sitting in a lot of traffic. It means getting ready, it means leaving your kids, it means missing dinner at home. I mean, it means a lot of different things, right? Because when you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to a lot of other things. And oftentimes you could just be saying no to yourself

when you just don't wanna go. And I will tell you, I went to way too many things in the past week, aka our bezel. And it reminded me one night I got home and I was just exhausted and I didn't have fun. And I remember thinking, what a waste tonight was. I didn't get to see my son. I didn't make my son dinner. I don't even know how his day went because I left before he got home from basketball and he was asleep before I got home. And here I was. I was

at an event with people that one person I cared about, but other than that, people I don't even know. Why did I even do that? And that was, of course, on the heels of having gone out the four nights prior, and I'm tired. And I mean, you get the point, right? I should have said no. And I didn't. I pushed myself.

And then when I got home, I was feeling bad about, it was like a downward spiral. It was not good, right? So lesson learned. And I need to take my own advice a little bit more often, don't we all? And so I was just thinking about it for you today. If you are feeling tired, if you are feeling that you're trying to do all these different things for other people to show up for them, to support them, and I'm here for it, I'm so I am that person, but I also know I pushed myself way too much in the last week and I'm

done doing that. I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm going to thank people for understanding. I'm going to let them know I'm fully committed and I appreciate their understanding and I'll take a rain check. Next time when I have more flexibility in my schedule, I'd love to do that with you, right? And just handle it in a positive fashion and keep it moving. You have no idea how often people say no to me.

I reached out to a friend of mine. My son wanted tickets for the heat game on Christmas, and I reached out to my friend. And I asked him, I said, hey, can I get your heat tickets for Christmas? And he says, oh, shoot, I'm so sorry. I actually gave him to somebody a month ago that had come in earlier and asked me. Didn't hesitate to be like, no, let me find a way to get them back right, like make excuses.

No, he's like, oh, bummer, I already gave him away to someone. Keep him moving, all right, rock on. And I didn't take it personally either. Okay, great. Well, thanks for trying, or thanks for the response. Anyhow, he ended up giving me tickets to another game and it worked out great. But the point is this, you don't need to feel bad saying no to people.

Other people don't feel bad saying no to you. And if there's someone in your life that you're like, oh my gosh, this person is so good at saying no. I always walk away from them thinking, I didn't even miss a beat. Channel that person. The next time you're going to say no to somebody else, you do not need to feel bad about it in any circumstance. And don't push yourself, like I did in the last week

because that just started a downward spiral that we don't even want to get into. Bad decisions were made, I was exhausted, I was beating myself up and sending text messages, I should not have been, right? So get in a better head state, get rest, put yourself first. And remember, anytime you're saying yes to something, you're saying no to a lot of other things.

So make sure you're saying yes to the things that matter for you. Master class makes a meaningful gift this season for you and anyone on your list, because both of you can learn from the best to become your best. From leadership to effective communication to cooking, whether you're watching Masterclass on TV, listening in audio mode, in the app or on the site, the quality speaks for itself. It's like Masterclass instructors are your own personal mentors that are going to help you reach that next level. How much would it cost to take a one-on-one class from the world's best? Easily hundreds of thousands of dollars. With a master class annual membership, it's $10 a month. Memberships start at $120 a year for unlimited access to one-on-one classes with all 180-plus master class instructors. Learn how to negotiate a raise with Chris Voss

or manage your relationships with Esther Perral. Now listen, I jumped into the class with Sarah Blakely and it gave me so much more confidence to be an Entrepreneur going for big visions big dreams because she did it and she shares how she did it Give yourself that boost of confidence to find practical takeaways You can apply to your life at work and if you own a business or a team leader use masterclass to empower and Create a future ready employees in leaders for your team.

This holiday season give one annual membership and get one free at masterclass.com slash monahen. Right now, you can get two memberships for the price of one at masterclass.com slash monahen. Masterclass.com slash monahen. Offer Terms Apply. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my masterclasses on the regular, and it's so easy. All because I use Shopify.

Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage all the way to the, did we just hit a million dollar stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soap or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. From there all in one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever and whatever you're selling, Shopify's got you covered.

Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout, 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms. And sell more with less effort thanks to Shopify Magic, your AI powered All Star. Let me tell you, when the pandemic hit, I had no idea how I was gonna drive revenue. Shopify had me covered.

I literally launched my Shopify store within one week and had group coaching, master classes, mastermind up and running, and I was driving revenue overnight night. I don't know what I would have done without Shopify. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US, and Shopify is the global force behind all birds, Rothies, and Brooklyn, and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries. Plus, Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way.

Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash monahan. All lower case. Go to shopify.com slash monahan. Now, to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, shopify.com slash monahan. That made me think of one of the chapters for my first Wilcoffin's creator where I have this one week challenge about not apologizing, stopping apologizing. And I'll tell you that made a profound difference in my life.

Before I get into this, because I'm going to actually read you this chapter, it's super short, this is going to be a very short episode. I'm coming in hot, hitting you with some wisdom that I need in my life, that's what I'm usually doing, and hoping it benefits you in some way. Okay, so here's the thing, and I put a post up about this on LinkedIn the other day. This year when you give gifts,

give gifts that change people's lives. It doesn't need to be anything I'm talking to you about. It can be whatever you think. But to me, if you're giving someone a shirt or whatever, keep it moving on that one too, give people a gift that could really impact their lives for the long haul. That's a book, in my opinion,

a book is definitely something that can change people's lives, whether that be a prayer book, whether that be confidence creator or overcoming your villains, or anything else, right? Some of the big impactful things in my life that got me to start thinking differently are the times that somebody's gifted me a book that they loved, that changed their life, that was meaningful to them. Those kind of lasting impressions, those kinds of gifts make a big difference.

And when you think about giving a gift, you want to give something that's special for someone. And that's meaningful. That's how I like to give gifts. And I will tell you, one of the most meaningful gifts that I give people that they go crazy for is Taja Candles, TAJ, A Candles. Oh my gosh, go on Instagram. You can follow them there, Google them, you can order custom made candles. Every time I give someone a custom made candle, they go crazy, they love it. So it's again, thinking about what's thoughtful

and special for people and unique to them. Okay, so I'm gonna read you a chapter for my first book, Confidence Creator. By the way, Forbes named this book. I think it was 2022, it was a number one book to give women in business. Or it was top five, yeah, I think it was top five. I could be was 2022. It was a number one book to give women in business. Or it was top five. Yeah, I think it was top five.

I could be exaggerating. I don't remember which number it was on the list, but it was top five. And I will tell you this book, the reviews that I have read on this book, I'm gonna read you a couple real quick right now just so you understand, I'm not making this up. You can go to Amazon,

audible any of them and read this. Okay, this is a good one. Gave me confidence, enough to do this. I'm a man, there, any of them, and read this. Okay, this is a good one. It gave me confidence and enough to do this. I'm a man, there, I said it, LOL. But this book can be for men too, because we all have the same fears when it deals with self-confidence. I'm a professional in accounting,

a stand-up comedian and a divorce single father of a young daughter, and for all areas of my life, I needed to read this book. I will apply most of this in my comedy career because that's the one I truly want to end up with. That's so good. So I thank this book for the tips and powerful words and I'll even try it in High Heels LOL. Okay, you don't need to be a woman to read this book. It's confidence creator, not confidence creator for girls. So and that's funny. I

self-published this book. I know this firsthand because my second book I did with Harper-Cons leadership. Everybody wanted me to just write for women. I know this firsthand because my second book I did with Harper Collins leadership, everybody wanted me to just write for women. I don't just create podcasts for women. I don't just create posts for women. I don't just create books for women. I create content for people that need it, that people like me that need to remind themselves to put their best foot forward, to be confident, to say no to others when you want to and not feel bad about it, to put yourself first, to step into your power, to take a risk, to swing big and keep swinging,

even when you have days you're missing a lot. So, you don't have to apologize if you're a man and you're reading my content, if you're a man and listening to this podcast, it's all for you. I do not discriminate. Okay, next one. What every female needs to hear,

this would make a great graduation gift, get it for all the ladies in your life. Heather, I am so glad you wrote this book. I will reread it and I will be giving it as a gift to many. Okay, so that was just a couple of the reviews of this book. There's so many, hundreds more. I'm so proud of this book. I wrote this book when I didn't even know what it was to write a book.

This is my first little baby that I created. I'm super proud of it. But I will tell you, my second book, Overcome Your Villains, Amazon keeps putting it on sale. I mean, the hardcover is like $6 right now, which is unbelievable. The retail price on my second book is, I think it's $30, $28. I'm not sure. But it's a lot more, it's expensive. All of these books have one prime day delivery, one day delivery, and can be gifted and

receive foreign invasible Christmas. But I will tell the other gift that I'm sharing with people I highly recommend is if you have anyone in your life, especially if they're in their 30s, 40s, 50s or 60s, get one skin. The link is in the comments below. This product, I've been on it now for over five months. My father is in town right now visiting, and he says to me, I have never seen you look

better, Heather. I'm 49 years old. My father's known me my whole life, obviously. But he said, you literally, I don't know what it is, you've never looked better. Clearly, I need to give my father one skin for Christmas. One skin is so simple. It's essentially three products. The eye cream, which Glamour named 2023 Innovation Product of the Year.

It's game-changing, it's got the strongest content of peptide out of the entire line. I'm obsessed with it. I don't know if you remember this, but I fell down the stairs a year ago. I had this horrible bump on my head, and literally it didn't really go away until I started using one skin.

Fact, I swear, this product heals your skin from the inside out. The body product, my legs were looking creepy, no longer, my legs look killer right now. I'm so proud of them. I'm wearing dresses so much more than I had been because I just wasn't, you know, when you don't feel confident in your skin, you're not rocking it, you're covering it up. Stop covering it up. Get one skin now. So the three products are the eye product, the face, and the body. It's so simple. And here I was using Retinae and Seerums and

Vitamin Cs. And I was using product lines with like 10 different elements to it. Bye guys, move out of the way, stick with the three products, keep it easy, keep it powerful with the OS-01 peptideide and get one skin now. And they even have many products so that you can gift many products to people. If that's your jam, if you'd rather do some smaller things, but I'm going to highly suggest get the subscription, at least get the eye on subscription immediately. But really, you need the eye, the face, and the body. Get them on subscription because then you can use my 15% off code.

Click the link in the show notes below. You automatically get the 15% off code, click the link in the show notes below, you automatically get the 15% off, you can cancel it at any time, and there's a 45 day money back guarantee. That's for a reason, because you won't use it, because the product is game changing. You're worth it. Give gifts that change people's lives.

Don't ever forget it. Okay, so here we go. We're gonna cut over to my One Me Challenge, which is chapter seven in my first book, Confidence Creator. What's great about this book is it's such an easy read. None of these chapters are intense or long, and you can pick this book up at any point in time, jump into a chapter, and just put it down,

walk away from it, and two days later, pick it back up again. It's nothing where it's not daunting, it's not heavy lifting, it's super easy read. And every single chapter has something powerful that you can implement into your life on the daily. Here we go, chapter seven, the one week challenge. Oh, and did I mention I read the audible?

Well, of course I do. I stopped comparing myself to others at the gym, but Barry's boot camp helped shine a light on some other negative behaviors that were hurting my confidence and preventing my growth. I shifted my perception so I felt empowered on the treadmill, but as soon as we moved to the floor to lift weights, everything changed. I found myself scrambling between 30 different people trying to get weights.

At times, it was chaotic and stressful. One day, while making the mad dash, I myself saying sorry over and over again and hit me I just went from a situation where I felt empowered to a situation where I felt like I was in the way American spend an average of 90% of their time indoors and take about 20,000 breaths a day According to the EPA, indoor air is two to five times more polluted than outdoor air, and in some cases up to 100 times more polluted. Data shows that air pollution is responsible for nearly 7 million premature deaths globally. Wow, I mean, the air quality struggle is alive and it is real.

Let me tell you, I live right near a freeway. I have awful allergies. My son deals with such bad allergies and is constantly getting cold and not feeling well. It is so critically important to have air doctor in your life. It's game-changing in our house and I will tell you, we are breathing so much better as a result.

So what is your solution? Introducing an air purifier that captured the attention of established media outlets like CNN, money, ABC, and more. Air doctor. Air doctor filters out 99.99% of dangerous contaminants and allergens such as pollen, pet dander, dust mite, mold, and even bacteria and viruses. So your lungs don't have to.

All air doctor purifiers also feature whisper jet fans, 30% quieter than ordinary Air purifiers. Air Doctor also comes with a 30-day money-back guarantee, so if you don't love it, just send it back for refund. Minus shipping. Head to AirDoctorPro.com, use promo code Confidence, and depending on the model, you'll receive up to 39% off or up to $300 off exclusive to podcast customers. You will also receive a free three year warranty to any unit which is an additional $84 value. Lock this special offer by going to a-i-r-d-o-c-t-o-r-P-R-O.com and use promo code confidence.

When things go sideways, will you be prepared? Some people are concerned they might have to go for a long time without electricity or even food. That's why I want to introduce you to 4patriots.com. Get preparedness products you can use now and that could save your life later. My favorite is 4 Patriots New Solar Generator. The Patriot Power Generator 2000X. It uses the endless free power of the sun to power lights. Your TV, medical equipment, and even run your fridge. Plus it's expandable and comes with a free solar panel. Or pick up

one of 4 Patriots best-selling survival food kits, delicious tasting and design to last for 25 years. They even have kits with real meat, and if the power is out, no worries. Just boil water over a fire, simmer, and serve. You'll enjoy a hot meal and stay safe in a crisis. More smart people than ever are finding four patriots. Over two million customers trust them. You might even have seen them on TV. I had the folks of Four Patriots set up a special page for you at fourpatriots.com slash confidence. So that listeners of this show can see this week's discounts

and deals before they go away. Go to fourpatriots.com slash confidence. But hurry, these deals won't last for long. Save more and get peace of mind now by going to for the number four forpatriots.com slash confidence. What other times do I feel that same way? It's a good question to ask yourself. I realized that it didn't occur only at the gym.

I had been apologizing to everyone, including my friends, my family, my spouse, my son, my coworkers, and even strangers. On the surface, it may not seem like a big deal, but the signal I was continually sending myself multiple times a day was that I was a secondary member of society. Yet again, I was holding myself back. Men tend not to make the same faux pas, but as women, we apologize for everything. What we're really doing is making our own needs

less important than the needs of others around us. We don't even realize we do it, but it's a habit that we've created and accepted over time. When I was in the Apple Store waiting to buy a charger, I noticed the female greeter kept saying, I'm sorry I had to wait so long. Why does she need to apologize to me because it's busy in here?

I caught myself apologizing to my son's teacher when I wanted to ask her a question. Why was I sorry I had a question? Once I realized how many times I would apologize over the course of a normal day, I was actually mad at myself. This is BS, the madness needs to stop. The next day, I decided to make a change.

When I made the transition from the treadmill to grab the weights, I would say, excuse me, instead of sorry. I wasn't going to just stop there with that situation in the gym either. I would apply it to my entire life. I turned that into my one week challenge. For seven days, I would not allow myself to say I was sorry in social situations

when I had nothing to be sorry for. I armed myself with some phrases so I would be ready in an instant. Simply saying, excuse me instead of, I'm sorry, was a small but significant change that immediately made me feel empowered again. My conversations at work and with those closest to me changed as well. I didn't feel secondary anymore. That shift put me in the driver's seat. One ancillary benefit was that it

was also a way for me to unload a lot of unnecessary guilt that had been building up. My family lived in Seattle at the time, so we didn't get to see each other often. I was constantly asked by my mother why we couldn't fly out to visit. What's funny is my father had the same conversation with me last night, by the way. I would love to bring my son to visit my mother, but it wasn't always practical. Traveling for work was beyond challenging, and when I got home from a business trip, the last thing I wanted to do was get back on a flight. However, that's not what I used to tell her.

Instead, for the past decade, I would apologize that we couldn't make the trip. When I hung up, I was left feeling guilty. I decided instead to shift the conversation. Mom, as I'm sure you can understand, work travel is wearing me down and I'm not gonna be able to get back on a flight again. However, I'd love to have y'all come visit us.

Simple shifts in the conversation allowed me to step away from feeling guilty and offer up an alternative solution. When they would decline because the trip was expensive or because they didn't have the ability to take that time to travel, I would simply say I completely completely understand travel is so difficult and costly, done. The impact that had on me was one that I immediately wanted to share, so I decided to write a blog post about it. One of the responses I received blew me over.

One woman said that my intent is spot on, but that there was an even more powerful response that I could use. Try thinking people instead of apologizing. We've all been late for a meeting or an appointment before. It happens. Instead of stressing out and apologizing, walk in and calmly say, thank you, everyone, for your patience.

Now, let's get started. Wow, that is powerful. In those situations, my first response had always been to blame myself and then beg for forgiveness. I recently had a deadline to get some paper signed and sent back to a vendor. I was unable to get my legal to approve and sign off in time. So instead of shifting into apology mode, I decided to give a different response in my email.

I know that you would request of the contract changes today. Unfortunately, our legal has been unable to get to our document and won't have it completed until tomorrow. Thank you for your understanding and I look forward to having this matter result then. By thinking instead of apologizing, we imply that our comments will be accepted and that we are grateful. This is the most amazing way to handle a situation that I can think of. I'm still practicing this one and definitely getting much better at it if you're a person

who frequently apologizes, try taking the one week challenge. It will open your eyes to behavior. You weren't even aware of. Stop relinquishing your power and start taking it back. I love that chapter. Okay, I love that book, by the way. Conference creator, I wrote it in 2018. It is my first book.

It is my baby. And you will love it. Read the reviews, check it out. Again, I narrated on the Audible. It's an amazing gift and my second book, Overcome Your Villains, amazing as well. That one's on sale. Would love it if you would gift it to yourself

or gift it to someone that you care about. And if you choose not to, I'm still your girl and I wanna let you know, you don't need to give my books, you don't need to give the gifts I'm talking about, but give gifts that make a difference in people's lives for the long haul, forget the t-shirt, or whatever it may be, and give something that is really going to feel special important

and has the potential to change and impact them for 2024 and beyond. It's all of our jobs to make the world a better place. Let's find ways, small ways that we can do it today and every day. Be the change in the world. We need you shining your light. We need you showing up, right?

And giving love. The world needs it. We all need it. Be the light. Be the love. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I will like it when I'm over here.

I decided to change that tiny and the same. I know I will be. Hi friends, I am here to tell you all about a new podcast that I am loving. Creating confidence hosted by my friend Heather Monahan, who is part of the YAP media network. Heather sits down with experts like Gary Vee, Sarah Blakely, and Les Brown to share with you the techniques and strategies to create your confidence, pursue your dreams, and leapfrog the villains you'll meet along the way. Creating confidence is all about elevating your confidence to its highest level ever, and taking your business right there with you. I love Heather, and I love her approach to really supporting women in this online space, and I want to share with you some reviews so you can hear what

it's all about. I love that this person says that Heather is so inspiring in each episode is filled with tips and tricks on how to become more confident and live the life of your dreams. I especially love this one. I love how open and vulnerable Heather is, and it makes her so relatable. She just draws you in and is able to relay her message so eloquently and in such a wonderful and encouraging way. I agree with that 200%. If you are looking to up your confidence level you have to check out creating confidence now. You can subscribe to creating confidence with Heather Monahan today on Apple Podcasts Spotify or your favorite podcast platform. This episode is brought to you by the Yap Media Podcast Network. I'm day on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform.

This episode is brought to you by the Yap Media Podcast Network. I'm Holla Taha, CEO of the award-winning digital media empire Yap Media, and host of Yap Young & Profiting Podcast, a number one entrepreneurship and self-improvement podcast where you can listen, learn, and profit. On Young & Profiting Podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, and I turn their wisdom into actionable advice that you can use in your daily life. Each week we dive into a new topic like the art of side hustles, how to level up your influence and persuasion and goal setting.

I interview A-List guests on Young & Profiting. I've got the best guests. Like the world's number one negotiation expert, Chris Voss, Shark, Damon John, serial entrepreneur, Alex and Leila Hermosi, and even movie stars, like Matthew McConaughey. There's absolutely no fluff on my podcast, and that's on purpose. Every episode is jam packed with advice

that's gonna push your life forward. I do my research, I get straight to the point, and I take things really seriously, which is why I'm known as the podcast princess, and how I became one of the top podcasters in the world in less than five years. Young and profiting podcast is for all ages. Don't let the name fool you, it's an advanced show. As long as you want to learn and level up, you will be forever young.

So join podcast royalty and subscribe to Young and Profiting Podcast. Or yeah, like it's often called by my app fam on Apple Spotify, Cast Box or wherever you listen to your podcast. and subscribe to Younger Profiting Podcast. Or, yeah, like it's often called by my app fam. On Apple Spotify, CastBox, or wherever you listen to your podcast.