Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #391: Plant The Seed: Harnessing the Power of New Opportunities With Heather!

Episode Date: January 10, 2024

To check out OneSkin click here! https://shareasale.com/u.cfm?d=1054216&m=102446&u=3821794&afftrack= To get your 15% one time use discount use code: Confidence Remember if you opt in for the subscription you can cancel any time but you can only use the discount code once. In This Episode You Will Learn About: Clearing your queue & leaving room for new opportunities to populate Creating clarity around what you want & attracting it Giving yourself time to generate the results you are looking for Getting ready for massive change Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code CONFIDENCE and depending on the model, you’ll receive UP TO 39% off or UP TO $300 off! Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan, all lowercase Go to HelloFresh.com/confidencefree and use code confidencefree for FREE breakfast for life Show Notes:  Change takes time! I always say that you can’t expect the seeds you plant today to immediately flourish. But sometimes miracles do happen in an instant. It’s about leaving the space open for changes to occur. Sometimes you have to wait years and sometimes it all transforms at once. The point is to be clear on what you want and create the space for it to happen! You will see results. I just know it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash monahan. All lower case. Go to shopify.com slash monahan. Now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash monahan. I'm on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals. We've come at diversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's a no-sweet journey. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week.

Thank you for being here. Okay, so today, I wanted to get into this massive realization that I had as a result of New Year's Eve. Incredible. You know what's so funny is I always talk a lot about, you know, the day that you plant the seed is not the day you reap the harvest. I remember when I started working for myself

five and a half years ago, I thought it would take six months and I would blow up and have millions of books sold because I just assumed it would work. And I was wrong, right? So sometimes you get frustrated that you're not seeing the progress that you want or the success you want overnight. And so I talk a lot about, you know, anticipate that, anticipate that today is a day I'm planning

the seed, probably not going to reap the harvest tomorrow, but I'm gonna keep on plowing, I'm gonna keep on going. And that is great advice that I need to take for myself all the time, however, don't ever discount how miracles can happen in an instant. Literally in an instant, as shocking as it may be because I was shocked and this is crazy. I typically do not like talking about my personal life because I'm weird like that. I don't know why.

Actually that's not true because here on the show I do talk a lot about my personal life more than I do anywhere else because you're my people, you're my team, you're my right or die. And I'm happy to share the things that I learn and the challenges I have. I definitely have more challenges and always had personally than professionally. For whatever reason, I'm sure there's some very good reasons actually, but for many reasons, in business,

I feel very confident. You know, I don't have everything figured out or nailed down. I still don't this year right now, but I have total confidence and conviction. I will get it figured out. Like there's zero doubt in my mind, different when it comes to my personal life. And I think part of that is because I've had way more success

in business than I had in personal relationships, right? When I look back and it was funny, I had mentioned this to my dad was in town over the holidays and he was talking about all my past boyfriend. And I've always been in really serious relationships and my dad was talking about how great they all were. But I was looking back and I'm like, yeah, but I remember why I broke up with him. And I remember why I broke up with him.

Like it just wasn't, it wasn't the guy. It wasn't the right, you know, it was good for a window of time, but it wasn't the right person for the long term. So for whatever reason, for me, I haven't found that right person yet. And again, listen, most of it is because of me, right? And issues that I had with trust, issues I had with past relationships and getting hurt, you know, fear of it not working out,

this doubt, this underlying doubt that it wouldn't work out for me because it hadn't for a long time, right? So I've had to address so much personal work around this topic, it's insane, but we here, we do in it. And I'm telling you, Rachel, I've had to address so much personal work around this topic. It's insane, but we hear we do in it. And I'm telling you this year is it. This is so crazy. So, okay.

All right. So I'm going to tell you this story first because I've got an ask for you at the end to apply back to your life that I think is super, super powerful. And it's not just for personal lives. It's for personal, transformational business, anything and everything in your life. And it's a message I continually needs to be reminded of, which is so annoying. It's like, I'm 49 and I keep forgetting this. Hello. We preach about and teach about what we need to listen to and be reminded about, right? And so I need to remind myself all the time about this.

But I had forgotten it, it had eluded me. So I hope it helps you today. All right, so I'm gonna break it down for you. So number one, yes. The day that you plant the seed is not always the day that you're gonna reap the harvest, sadly, right? That's typically not the way it is.

However, also stay open-minded in this new year that miracles can happen in an instant, and your life can change in one moment. Literally like a light switch being flipped on. That's what happens to me. Okay, all right, so I want to share with you what happened. I think I told you about this last year that I fell in love with somebody.

It did not work out, okay, sadly, which was devastating to me because I definitely thought it was going to. I ended things, then we got back together. I ended it again because it was the same issue again. I didn't feel like I was a priority, so I wasn't happy, which just wasn't going to work. Or it was the wrong timing or whatever it was. The guys and amazing person, and I was in love with them.

Like hands down, no, you know, that was crystal clear. Okay, with all that being said, I held a place in my heart for him for sure. And now thinking about it, it was ridiculous, right? I was totally holding space for this person. Have you ever done that? Like you close the door, you end the relationship, but you then sit and hold space for that person? Well, I didn't think there was anything bad about it

until one day in December, and this was a great seed, one of my friends planted for me, my friend said to me, why don't you just delete him from your phone? And I said, why would you say that? Like that's, I don't think that's very nice. That sounds mean and he's an amazing person

and I care so much about him and I'm in love with them and why would I do that? Just because we can't be together, doesn't mean I wish him ill will or like if he ever needed me or and she's like, stop. You guys haven't spoken in months,

delete him from your phone, free up some space, close that chapter so you can let someone new in. Now, in my defense, I've been dating somebody else, right? And I am definitely, it's not serious, but super fun and great guy. However, doesn't live here. And I'm out all the time meeting new people,

super open to meeting new people. So I think no problem, like I'm doing all the right things. My friend pointed out she still felt like I was holding a space for this guy, she wanted me to delete him from my phone. I just thought that sounded really mean, so I didn't do it. Cut to, it's New Year's Eve.

I'm out with one of my best girlfriends here in Miami. She's amazing. And some other people, we're having the best time. I mean, literally on a rooftop in South Beach, the place is going crazy. We were having, oh, the best time. It was such a fun New Year's. All is going well, best night.

And I don't know, I didn't look at my phone all night. All of a sudden I picked up my phone. It was like 130 in the morning. And I see that a guy that I have been dating who's so sweet and so nice, but doesn't live here, had text me and said, you were the best part of my 2023. Now, I wasn't expecting that text. It was so sweet, so thoughtful, so unexpected, adorable,

obviously, immediately is on my mind, on my heart. I'm thinking, oh my gosh, what a sweetheart that at midnight, that's what he's thinking about is me, even though we're in different states. What a doll. Okay, in that instant, it was like everything changed. And it just hit me. I thought, oh my gosh, I have to delete that other guy

out of my phone. Like this is a kind of energy and vibe I want in my life. Not someone who doesn't even message me or isn't even thinking about me. Or that's, yeah, bye. Bye, Felicia. I deleted that X's contact info out of my phone immediately and I will tell you I felt so happy about it and excited and I share this with you. I

usually don't get it to the stuff because it is really personal but I want you to know things can change for you in one instant. They changed for me. I, here I was just a couple of weeks prior, fighting with my friends and saying, you're wrong, you don't delete him, he's the most amazing guy and I love him. And, you know, you never know what could happen in the future to receiving this super sweet text from somebody else and realizing that's the energy

I want in my life, that's the kind of person I want in my life thinking about me sending me sweet notes. If this, like, oh my gosh, clear that space. And immediately deleted his contact. And so things can change in an instant. I don't know how they're going to change for you. I don't know when they will, but state open to the possibility.

And I'm so excited. I'm not sad. I don't feel like I mean, right? He doesn't even know I did it. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy.

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Get ready for it. And this is where I want you to apply it back to your life. Okay, so that was my situation. Clearly it was something I should have done months ago, but I didn't for whatever reason I wasn't ready to. I was holding out that, you know, somehow he was going to come back around and say that he had fixed things in his life and blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Like, definitely, that's a weakness of mine, is that I always think of the potential of

people instead of dealing with the reality. Now, okay, because of that great message that I got New Year's Eve, so grateful, so thankful for that. He's such a great guy. Okay, it just reminded me what I deserve, what I want, and the kind of energy I'm going for in my life. And then I needed to clear the space so I could have more of the energy and positivity and people that I want in my life,

and less of the stuff I don't want, right? Bath, Alicia, close the door, moving on. When you do that, when you create space, you create the opportunity for greatness, positivity, and that next level opportunity to come in. Okay, so such an interesting reminder. And it's like you make an announcement to the universe. This is what I want in my life.

This is what I'm expecting. I'm telling you, my new year has been so good. And I think it's because of this. I feel like a big part of it is because of this, right? This energy that I'm putting out there that I'm claiming now and what I'm saying, what I'm not tolerating anymore. And it might seem small to you, but it's been really big for me.

Okay, so the next day, I went on a dating app once a long time ago, right? Because sadly, it's a little unnerving when your social media profiles are public and whatnot, and then people start messaging things. It's not always good, right? That was my experience.

I think I lasted on a dating app for 24 hours before I deleted it. I never went on a date with anybody from a dating app, right? It just creeped me out. Cut to people have been telling me for the last year ever since that guy and I had broken up that I need to go on a dating app. But at the same time, my friends are always setting me up

on blind dates with people, which I love, because then if somebody loves me and they love that other person, there's a, we're at least gonna end up being friends. They're good people, right? So I love that. However, every time somebody sets me up, we end up just being friends.

It's not like I found that connection of someone that I wanna date. The guy that I've been dating, I met in real life. And Granted, you meet some people in real life, sadly most people meet people online these days. Okay, cut to. I have been completely against it. My friends have been hitting me over the head with,

you need to go on a dating app. There's a couple of dating apps out there that you get pre-screened for. Like you have to be invited to or whatever. It's a little bit more, there's more vetting that goes on so no crazy people, I guess, or less crazy people, right?

I'm sure they're so crazy people. But okay, so the next day after New Year's Eve, I woke up and I just decided I'm gonna go on a dating app which is so crazy. It's so out of character for me. I know you're laughing, you're like, why is this a big deal? Heather, I don't know. Everyone has their own weird things, right? I just always thought it was sketchy for me because that one experience

I had a couple years ago. So I went on this dating app the next day and it's so funny like this domino effect that occurs because of one thing. It can change everything. It changes your attitude, changes the opportunities, the people that you meet everything. So I went on this data app, here we are, I don't know how many days later I'm recording this, it's almost a week later, not quite a week yet. And I'm still on it, I've not gone on any dates or spoken to anyone other than in message on it, right? I'm still a little skeptical. However, it's just like a big deal for me, right? Like, here's what I learned that I want you to play back to your life,

and I'm super excited about it. So I'm stepping into unknown, I'm stepping into scary, weird situations, which I think is good. That means growth, right? So I'm messaging with these people. And the way that it works on this app that I'm on is once a day, they send you five people

that the algorithm thinks are a good fit for you. And you vote yes or no, that you would want to talk to them or whatever, or that you would go out with them or consider them or like them or whatever. I don't know, whatever it is. Okay. But it's basically, pick yes or pick no. Like you're voted off the island or you're even the potential to be voted on the island.

Which is so weird. The whole thing's bizarre to me. Okay. So here's how I was handling it. I thought someone was a possibility, I would do thumbs up, but then if I didn't think they were, I didn't thumbs down them because I felt bad.

I'm like, what's kind of mean? Like I don't even know, do they find out? I voted them off the island or like whatever, I'll just ignore them. That was just kind of my attitude. Cut to two days in, I get a message from the company. The company says, Heather, you're doing this wrong, shocker.

I have no idea what I'm doing. Anytime you show up as a beginner somewhere, you're gonna definitely have some room to learn, room to grow. And the company says, you're doing this wrong. You are keeping your cue filled of people that you're not choosing. Whoa.

Okay, and this is my home message for you tonight. This is so crazy. And I've done this so many times in my life and it has not served me. It has hindered me. It has held me back. And I'm not doing it anymore. Not doing it anymore.

And I'm telling you this applies to your personal life, your business life, your workout, your opportunities, everything and anything in your life. I swear this is such a big message and I want to write a book about it right now because I'm so fired up about it. But I want you to apply it to your life. I want you to clear your Q. Okay, so here's what this means. He explained it to me that each day that would come and there be people sent to me. And if I didn't x them out, those people held spots. So they couldn't, remember I said,

they sent you five new people a day that algorithm sends you five new people a day that they think you might potentially be a match for. Let's say that on any given day, I didn't like three or four of the people, but I felt bad about xing them out, you know, or just thought, oh, I'll just let them pass by whatever, or what I just don't think.

They could only send me one person the next day because I had a queue full of people I wasn't either picking or I wasn't floating off the island. So here's my message to you today. Do not allow for a full queue. When you allow for a full queue, you're not gonna see the potential prospects, people, opportunities, business deals, partnerships that are out there.

Clear your queue. Literally, the company reached out to me and told me, stop leaving your queue full of people unless you're gonna pick them. And then once you pick them, they move into a different arena and the queue's empty again. It was such a powerful reminder for me. And I started looking back across my life

and remembering these are the same issues I had back when I got fired. And I was keeping one foot in. Well, I think I'm gonna go back to corporate America and I could run sales teams just I have to go to a different industry. And then the other foot I had in, I'm going to work for myself.

I'm launching my speaking career. I'm gonna write books. I'm gonna launch a podcast. I'm gonna launch my own company. And I kept toggling back and forth. The queue was full, but I wasn't clear on where I was going to write books, I'm going to launch a podcast, I'm going to launch my own company, and I kept toggling back and forth. The queue was full, but I wasn't clear on where I was going, and I really wasn't picking anything. So what I want you to do, not like what I did,

because I'm not doing that anymore. Now I clearly say no, no, no, to anyone that comes in the queue I don't want, because I want that queue open to the possibility and opportunity of who could come into it. When your queue is full of other things, you are blocking that possibility, that opportunity, that new partnership, that new person, stop blocking yourself from your potential, stop blocking yourself from all that the universe has for you. Clear your queue in every aspect of your life.

Here's a great example of that. I was talking about this last year, I keep going to Soul Psych all the time. It's my routine. For me, a lot of people are like, you know, routines are great. They are, but they can also be a rut. Right, when you only do the same kind of workout all the time,

you're going to plateau. When you only push yourself onto certain level stages, you're gonna plateau. That's why I'm so excited about Saudi Arabia in a few weeks. This is so out of my, it's next level. It's scary. You've gotta keep scaring yourself, right?

So I've gotta stop going to Soul Segal. If I canceled my membership, that would be clearing my queue. And it would force me to pick something else. So like me, on the dating app, I'm picking yes or no everyday, exiting people out or voting them on and clearing the queue. And I want you to do the same, whether it be in your dating life, whether it be in your business partnership life, whether it be in your workout life, your personal

journey, clear your queue and create space for opportunities that you deserve. I'm so excited that I had this realization and I hope that it helps you. Let me know, leave me a review of the show, let me know how you're clearing your cue, send me a message I'm on all social media at Heather Monahan or you can go to HeatherMonahan.com and send a contact me form, let me know how you cleared your queue. I can't wait to hear how it impacts your 2024. Okay, so enough about that story, which I'm super excited about.

And if you wanna hear more about the data app, I will keep you up to speed. Let me know, I don't know if this is a business show, so I don't know how relevant it is. It definitely cleared in the queue is relevant. But I don't know about these other weird things. Let me know.

Happy to tell you more about it. Happy to keep you updated. Okay. As you know, each week I will answer your questions. All I have to do is DM me, send them to me, get me the question, I'll answer it. All right. So today I posted on LinkedIn about how everybody asks for everything for free, right? Heather, share my post, me.

Promote my book for me. Heather, coach me for free. Invite me to your courses and classes for free. I get this stuff all the time. So I did a post about it today. Listen, there's things I'll do for free. This podcast is free. I'll answer your questions for free here.

I'm totally in for it. The other things, I'm not speaking for free unless you're a charity. I do that once a month. I speak for free for a charity university or a school once a month. But other than that, I'm not doing stuff for free. I run a four-profit business.

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This woman was saying to me, she started a conversation with me around Heather, you don't like people asking you to do things for free. However, you have cold outreach on DMs, pitching stuff, which is true. I have a social media team and they will oftentimes, you know, it's a system where they reach out to people who are, I'm connected to, saying,

hey, have you checked out the podcast this week? Here's what, you know, here's the episode's going on. Like, they're apprising them of what's going on, what I have to offer in my business and in my company. Well, with that being said, this woman was saying, well, don't you think that, you know, she's kind of calling me out a little bit, which is fine, I get it. She's like, well, don't you think that, you know, she's kind of calling me out a little bit, which is fine.

I get it. She's like, listen, don't you think that's kind of like asking people to do things for you? And so I responded to her something like, actually, no, I don't. Here's why. When you're on a social media platform, if someone reaches out to you and you're in their network

and they're offering something that's for free, you're not, they're not asking you to buy something. I just kind of see it it as an ad, right? Like a television ad or an ad when you're listening to this show or just, it's just, if you like it and you're interested in it, click on it, go down the rabbit hole and check it out.

If you're not, keep it scroll and keep it moving. Like it's not offensive. The request I was getting are like, in-mail DM, saying, Heather, you need to promote my book. I have a new book coming out. If you would promote it, it'll reach so many people. Here's the PDF, please share it with your, I'm like, what?

I don't even know who you are. To me, that's different. That's like a targeted direct presumptuous ask versus, hey, don't know if you caught the show this week or, hey, don't know if you knew, Heather's got a masterclass launching. If you want to get involved, click here. One is apprising you, that another one's expecting you to do something.

I think those are very, very different. Okay. So I respond to her. What my response was I just shared with you. And I said, what's your perspective on it? Okay. So I'm going to read it to you. She says, Hey, you got an hour.

That's funny. This is something I think about daily. I'm in the early stages of my business. So I'm on the other end of this equation. I prefer to do cold outreach only to people who I think about daily. I'm in the early stages of my business, so I'm on the other end of this equation. I prefer to do cold outreach only to people who I know intimately. If I've read their book, I've attended their events. I've been a subscriber for years.

But that seriously limits who I can reach out to and makes outreach more time intensive. I also love the jab, jab, jab hook model. But again, early days, so inbound leads can be a trickle, not much. No matter how you slice it early days, so inbound leads can be a trickle not much. No matter how you slice it, early days means the focus is on getting the flywheel going, how to make money, how to offer value, not inconvenience, someone further along. I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm leaning heavy on offering value, which means fewer,

but more meaningful touch points. Okay, yes, listen, if success was easy, everybody would have it. What this woman's describing, I've gone through and I continue to go through it some level. Even GaryVee continues with a jab jab hook, right? He still goes through it, look at his speed, right? He's always creating content and then sometimes he's got very direct asks whether he's selling his wine products or he's selling his books or he's selling his events, right? Listen, people think that the longer you're in business,

these challenges go away. They don't, they just grow and get bigger. Right, your challenges are gonna change. The opportunity changes, the challenge is change. But everybody starts off as a beginner with no audience, with no community, and building that community, building that value, it takes time. And I wish I had a simple answer for you,

but that's why I posted what I did today to create a personal brand in the community building that value, it takes time. And I wish I had a simple answer for you, but that's why I posted what I did today, to create a personal brand in the community for some people it takes six months or a year. For others, for me, it took years to do it, right? I'm in five years now, and yes, I've built a community, but it's still not the size of Gary Veeze, right? We still want it to be bigger

to reach more people, help more people. But at the end of the day, keep showing up, keep adding value, Gary Vs, right? We still want it to be bigger to reach more people, help more people. But at the end of the day, keep showing up, keep adding value, keep sharing your expertise, keep answering the problems and questions that your audience is asking of you. Keep showing who you are, and don't get discouraged. Everybody has been where you are. Everyone. The only ones who haven't are the ones that join platforms,

large platforms early on. I have a friend of mine, his shows on with Dave Ramsey. So Dave Ramsey's already massively connected and his platform has millions and millions of users. So when he joined his platform, he accessed that audience. Smart, smart, smart, smart. That's one way to do it, right?

That's definitely one way I've been getting involved the last year is meeting with different, really large platforms and looking who are those right partnerships. But again, you're gonna give up something to get that. So if you are gonna go it along, which is what I did, keep creating content that adds value. Get a podcast, host people on your podcast,

ask how you can support them. I'll never forget the way I got Gary Vee was reaching out to him over and over and over again, taking a Google alert out on him, not getting anywhere, hitting roadblock after roadblock, and seeing on the Google alert, he launched a wine company with another guy and going down the rabbit hole on that guy, Trowdy, and going to LinkedIn and sending him a private DM asking how I could add value or help him. That led me to a phone call with him. I talked to him about launching a wine product, which I had done years ago, shared some insights

and some help, made some connections for him. At the end of the call, he said, if I can ever help you, just let me know how. And I said, great, get your partner to be a guest on my show. He went back to Gary and asked and Gary came back and said, great, get your partner to be a guest on my show. He went back to Gary and asked, and Gary came back and said, well, then tell Heather to buy wine. We're launching a wine company. She needs to be a supporter of us. I bought the wine.

None of this stuff was a layup. Think differently. Think about how you can add value. Think about showing up on the regular and think about your end user. If you keep it about adding value instead of what you can take, your success will build over time. That fly will begin moving. The domino effect will occur. You'll build momentum, and the results will come. Just don't forget, if you plant the seed today, it doesn't necessarily

mean that the harvest will be there tomorrow. But there is the possibility. It could. Anything can change it in instant. Don't forget and go clear your cue. Let me know how it works out for you. I hope it's as exciting as it is for me. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know what I will do. When things go sideways, will you be prepared? Some people are concerned they might have to go for a long time without electricity or even food. That's why I want to introduce you to 4patriots.com. Get preparedness products you can use now and that could save your life later. My favorite is 4 Patriots new solar generator. The Patriot Power Generator 2000X. It uses the endless

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