Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #397: REBUKE The Negativity: Be The Joy You Want To See with Heather!

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

To check out OneSkin click here! https://shareasale.com/u.cfm?d=1054216&m=102446&u=3821794&afftrack= To get your 15% one time use discount use code: Confidence Remember if you opt in for the subscription you can cancel any time but you can only use the discount code once. In This Episode You Will Learn About: How to give yourself grace when things get hard Why it is important to find the joy within  When to rebuke negativity & focus on what really matters Why your challenges do not define you Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  This week has been tough! From dealing with work disruptions to navigating frustrating technical issues and unexpected car troubles, I have been off my normal routine. But it is in these times we must give ourselves grace and bring the positivity out from within. Join me on this journey of self-discovery and empowerment! Remember, we all have the power to bring joy into our lives and inspire others. I’m trying every day. Let’s do our best together! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's a no secret. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so I had a couple of situations over the past two weeks that I wanted to share with you. I hope they can help you. I hope you can relate to them.

I'm sure you probably can. But my entire life, I don't know if you're with me, I've beaten myself up, right? Like, oh, why did you do that? Or, oh my gosh, you should have done better. Or why didn't you prepare for that? Or I can't believe you let things get this far. Rah, rah, whatever it may be. And it's been a work in progress. I remember I had a therapist back when I was in college and she said to me, how's that beating yourself up thing working out for you?

Right, great observation, it's not. There's tons of tactics and tricks people use like carry a picture of your younger you. That doesn't work for me. For me, what works is just pausing, giving myself grace and saying, this doesn't really serve me anymore. It doesn't really work. Never really did PS epic fail number 892 in my life. And so I just kind of give myself some grace and say, okay, what's a different way I could frame

this up? I can encourage myself, right? And I want you to give yourself some grace, not to beat yourself up. And when you do catch yourself beating yourself up, instead, begin to encourage yourself and give yourself that grace. So there's these ridiculous problems that occur in all of our lives. But when they start piling up, it becomes a challenge or an issue where it slows you down or complicates things. These are the kinds of things I have zero patience for in life. And it's super frustrating to me. However, in the last couple of weeks, I had a new consulting client come on that is a big client taking up a lot of time,

especially on the front end of a new project. You really need to immerse yourself in things. My schedule's been thrown out of whack. Just, it's a great client, great opportunity. I'm super excited about it. However, it's taking me away from my regular routine of my workout, my schedule, the way that I typically structure things. When I'm working with a lot more clients during the week,

this one's really dominating things right now. So to that end, obviously, it's not ideal for the things that I like to do. I know it's short-term and I try to keep focusing on that, but you can get frustrated when things aren't going exactly the way that you like them to, it can be frustrating. I try to remind myself, okay, give yourself some grace. It's not going to stay like this. This is temporary. It's going to get better soon. There's always some small little adjustment I can make that can help me get through. And here I am two weeks later, and things are already much better and getting better. And I know they're going to continue getting better because we're creating that path to success and I can see it, right? I know it's happening. So I'm trying to stay focused on that. However, during this time, you know, a couple of different things that happened. My printer decided to give

out on me in my home office the first, you know, week of the new year and I had so many things that I needed to print, right? So immediately, of course, I go to Amazon because I don't want to be bothered. I'm in so many meetings right now. I didn't have time to go out and go looking for a printer. So I just bought the best rated printer on Amazon. It gets here a day later, and then I can't set the thing up. And I get so frustrated with myself that I go and order another printer because I think, oh, maybe that's just the printer. So I go buy another printer. So now I have all these boxes around my office with printers. None of the printers are working. And it's all user error.

It's me. I'm terrible at setting up technology. It's not my wheelhouse, right? I mean, we all have things we're great at and things we're not so great at. The reason why I'm sharing this with you is I'm so proud of myself in many ways. Like I'm my number one cheerleader in many ways. but I have days where I'm also, I get discouraged and I'm down on myself that

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free. Cut to I have a police officer walk up to me the other day and say, Hey, your registration's expired on your car. What happened? I get the paperwork, I show him, no, it's good. He said, yeah, but the sticker isn't. I said, okay, I'll get a new one. Thank you for letting me know. You know, I appreciate it.

I come home to order a new registration sticker, which I think will be no problem. Ha ha ha ha, clearly I had no idea. And they send me paperwork with no sticker. So I go online again and try again. Cut to, I find out in order to get an actual sticker, you have to go to the police station and file some kind of a report.

And this is not a turnkey simple solution. This is kind of a big process. So simultaneously, the BMW dealer that I work with starts reaching out to me and telling me that they want to get me into a new car months ahead of my lease expiring. I start thinking, well, I'll get a new registration sticker. That solves my problem. Maybe I should buy a new car to get a registration sticker.

Yes, that sounds so insane and ridiculous. However, this is where I want to share with you. I know it's ridiculous. Do I actually want to buy a new car right now? No, I don't, but I really needed a new registration sticker and I'm not going to go sit at the police department for a day to file reports on something I don't even know what I'm filing for. It makes no sense to me and I don't have the time. So I'm actually considering it. And I know how insane all that sounds. And part of me wants to beat myself up and say like, this is so ridiculous

that you find yourself in these situations with printers that you can't connect with a car with a missing registration sticker and you have no idea how to fix it. But at the same time I feel super proud of myself that I'm getting ready to go to Saudi Arabia to give all of these keynotes and I can't believe I'm doing it. I'm so excited about the work that I have coming this year that I worked so hard on to bring to fruition, right? And I'm so proud of all these different things that I do, but at the same time, I get discouraged.

I'm sure like you do, right? So I just wanted to remind you today to give ourselves some grace because beating ourselves up will never serve us, will never benefit us, and will never improve the situation. And so I'm reminding myself about that today, especially coming out of the last two weeks where I haven't been working out as much, I haven't been able to go outside as much, I haven't been able to do the things during the day

that I really like to do when I'm in Miami. And so that's kind of been challenging. We're gonna have these windows where things aren't gonna be exactly the way we want. And what I find is helpful is keeping my gratitude journal, writing down the things I'm super grateful for. And then just being over the moon, like tonight, I got to go for a walk with a girlfriend this morning. I got to go for a run outside.

Super grateful for those moments doing those things that you might be missing during the week right now. If you know, your schedule has changed or that maybe you had to give up for a little bit. Well, all right, cut to you with all this going on. This is so weird, but you would think when you don't run or you take time off from the gym, even though I don't want to, I'm obsessed with going to the gym. I love working out probably more than 90% of things in the world. For some reason, my Achilles always acts up when that happens.

I guess it's probably stress, right? So you'd think it would be better and that would be amazing and I'd have the best runs of my life. However, when I don't work out, my body feels worse, right? So yeah, that makes no sense. But anyhow, so I said to myself the other day, okay, your Achilles is bothering you, Heather, you're not working out. You know that the first chance you get, you want to go for like a giant run and that's not going to work because your Achilles is bothering you Heather, you're not working out. You know that the first chance you get, you want to go for like a giant run,

and that's not going to work because your Achilles is hurting. What can you do right now to fix this situation? I've had problems with my Achilles on and off for the past couple of years, sometimes months and it's great and no problem and then suddenly I'll have problems. I just decided forget it. I'm calling this orthopedic doctor that I know that fits new shoes for me, fits inserts for my shoes for me, fits inserts for my shoes for me, works with me on different stretching. It's my chiropractor at a whole another level

specifically for my Achilles. And I hadn't seen this guy in years. So I call to get the appointment. I'm going this week. So I'm super excited. I know that I'm proactively taking a step to fix something that's been bothering me, right? Doesn't fix my schedule, doesn't fix how much I'm going to get to run, but it's going to fix when I actually do go running so I feel better, can go faster, can run longer and hopefully do it more often. So I'm excited about that. I ordered new sneakers. They already came in and I went for a run as soon as I got them and they were so much

better than my last one. If you've been holding off on spending money or doing something just because you're like, oh, it's not that big of a deal, just do it. I should have got new sneakers three months ago. I don't know why I didn't. I just didn't think it would have a big difference. It did. It immediately made a difference, right?

And then I'm talking to my son about it and I'm sharing with him, yeah, I'm going to go see this special doctor and I just got new sneakers and I'm super excited. I think it's going to help me so much. And he said, mom, why don't we get the compression legs that I use? He goes, my son's so serious about basketball and he trains with multiple trainers and goes to all these different complexes and compounds. And he is in it way at a whole another level than I am with working out. And he said, why don't we get the compression legs and get our own pair here for the house? He said, because not only do I love them and he uses them all the time at these different places he works out, he said, but mom, it's

going to help you. And he said, they're expensive, but I promise they work. They're incredible. I'm like, give me the phone right now. So I ordered the compression legs of they're coming this week. I've never used them before, but he swears by them. So listen, here's the thing. There's going to be times that we can take action and fix things and let's not hesitate when we can do that. Let's take action right now. If there's been something bothering you, get the new shoes, right? Like take the action to fix those things we can fix.

There's going to be other things like my schedule, which we can't fix right now. We know it will change in time. It will improve in time. We just gotta find ways to get through those windows where it's a little bit more challenging. And then there's certain things that we may never get great at, like fixing printers or figuring out

how to get registration stickers is probably never gonna be the thing I'm best at. And we could just give ourself grace in those moments because there's plenty we can be proud of and let's focus on the things we can be proud of and let's focus on the things we can be proud of. And I am now focusing on one of my good friends coming back to Miami who is also a little bit of a tech nerd and I'm praying she can fix my printer, at least get one of these problems solved for me. So tap people and ask for help where you can.

Hire people to solve problems when you can't solve them yourself. Take action when you can fix it and then give yourself grace when you can't. So this has been, you know, the past couple of weeks. Well, I shared that with you in that this morning I woke up, it was the Miami marathon today, and where I live is along the route of the marathon. And I knew that. And I had booked a bike at my spin class, which I love to go to. And I haven't been able to go as much in the last two weeks. So I was definitely, I went yesterday, I was going to go today. Anyhow, I get downstairs, I get to my car,

and the traffic and the road closures, I hadn't thought it through. So I sat in the car for 45 minutes and probably went two miles. There was no way I was going to make it. So I come back home and I'm discouraged right because I lost time and I'm kind of frustrated that I hadn't thought this through or pre-planned for this. And then I said, you know what?

I can just go for a run right now. I don't know how my Achilles is gonna do, but I know I have these new sneakers. So I know I've got a chance that it's gonna be better. And it gets me outside, which is something I haven't been able to do much in the last two weeks. So I was like, okay, let's make the best of it.

And I had the greatest run and I was in the best headspace and so grateful the entire run. And it was just this incredible experience because I hadn't been outside much, because I hadn't been running much. So sometimes losing the things you really love. And then when you get to do them again, it makes it so much better than ever. So I just felt so full of gratitude, so excited. I get upstairs, I take a shower, I'm getting ready for church,

and I wake my son up earlier than normal. He never gets to sleep. So I let him sleep in on the weekends, of course, when he doesn't have basketball first thing in the morning. I wake him up an hour early and I said, listen, get the car, order the car up, let's get going. The ride is gonna be intense because the marathon I'm telling you I've been outside

multiple times today, it is not good. He doesn't believe me. So I start getting frustrated. I'm getting ready. He's not ready. I'm making him breakfast. He's still not ready. You know, as a parent, you start getting annoyed.

Again, you can't control other people. I needed to just breathe through it and stay positive. I didn't. I got really annoyed with him. And I said, you're not listening to me. I was just so frustrated. Anyhow, we ended up leaving, but way too late. And so we hit traffic.

I mean, just like I had this morning, right? We're not moving. And so we're late for church and I'm so discouraged and I'm so frustrated with him. And I'm just telling him, you know, I had told you about this and you weren't listening to me. And he kept saying to me, you know what? He told you about this and you weren't listening to me. And he kept saying to me, you know, he said, I'm going to rebuke your negativity.

And I'm going to sit over here and stay positive. And I'm like, well, you go ahead and do that and la la, Liam, but you're the reason why we're late. And whatever, it was so funny. Well, I wasn't thinking it was funny at the time. It's funny now. We go to church and have this incredible message. We all have the opportunity to bring joy from within us, and whether you get the joy within you from God or from your gratitude or from, you know, just who you are in your heart and giving and helping out, whatever it may be for you,

the message today was about how God is alive within every single one of us, and our mission and purpose is to bring that joy forth, to share with others, to be that bright light in a dark world. And it was such a beautiful message and did not fall on deaf ears with me today. I had been negative on the ride over to church and I had not been finding the joy. My son was, but I wasn't. And it was just this incredible moment

to kind of pivot, it made me tear up in church just to think he to kind of pivot. It made me tear up in church just to think, you know, he was bringing joy forward. He was turning his worship music up and rocking out. And I was driving myself crazy, getting frustrated, tapping my leg because we were so late when he was the one that was bringing the joy forth that, you know, I wished I had been doing.

So it was this great reflective moment for me. And I hope it helps you that in these challenging moments, no matter how first world ridiculous they may be, we all have the opportunity to be that bright light, to be that positive influence, to lead by example and lead with positivity, to lead by bringing joy forward, to really just be the light in the world that the world so desperately needs.

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And so I decided I'm gonna rebuke my negativity when I have those moments that I get discouraged. I loved how my son said that. And instead embrace the joy, be the joy and be the light that is so alive within me. And I'm so grateful for it. And I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for you being here.

I'm grateful for you being on this journey with me. I'm grateful for you being on the journey to the Middle East with me. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for that one. But I was really grateful today for that message. You know, the best is yet to come. And every day that we get up, our life is a blessing and we get the opportunity to lead and bring joy to others,

and what other gift is greater than that? So it hit me so, so much today because I had just experienced what they were talking about because my son was showing it to me. I was being negative, and my son was being incredibly positive and joyful and leading by example and rebuking my negativity on the car ride when I complained that we were late for church.

So in any moment, someone can go from being the mentor to being the mentee and that is what happened to me today. And I'm grateful for that message that I received today in church. You know, one of the things whether you go to church or not, you can always see my church, vuchurchonline.com. You can go watch the message from today, which is incredible.

Or you can go to your own church, or you don't have to go to church. Do the things that make you happy, right? So for me, that's working out, being outside, being with people I love, doing things I love, right? With people I love, firing my villains, staying away from negative people,

creating boundaries for those that I work with that are in my life and letting people know what works or doesn't work for me, turning up your voice, using your words and owning who you are, what you want, asking for what you want and shooting your shot when you want to. So step into your power this year, right?

It's a new year. Any day can be a new opportunity to start all over to start fresh. So I hope that this message today just shares with you that rebuke the negativity that you may find in your day. When it's coming from within you, look to someone else outside of you that might be modeling positivity and take that on. There's so much to be grateful for in any moment. I'm just so grateful for that message today.

Just to remind me that I can be the joy that I want to find outside of me by bringing it from within me. And that was a really powerful message. I hope that helps you today. If there's any topics you want me to get into, shoot me a message. I'm on all social media at Heather monahan or you can go to my website, heathermonahan.com. I have plenty of free resources there and you can always send me a contact me.

Note, let me know what topic you want me to dive into and I will get into it. I can't wait to hear from you. Shoot me a note. I can't wait to hear your questions and I can't wait to see you next week. Here's to this week being your best week yet. I know mine's going to be until next week, keep creating your confidence. No one succeeds alone. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it. I'm on this journey with me.

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