Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #403: Your Empowerment Blueprint: Mastering Confidence & Boundaries with Heather!

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About: The best ways to handle people dedicated to bringing you down What happens when you stop waiting on others to change How leaving negativity will change your life for the better Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Visit CBDistillery.com and use code CONFIDENCE for 20% off Show Notes:  Do you have villains bringing you down? Today, we're diving deep into a topic that's close to my heart – dealing with workplace bullying and disrespect. I received a powerful message from a listener who's grappling with this very issue, and you know I get it! It's essential to remind yourself that you deserve better and have the power to make a change. The haters are always going to hate! You just need to decide: are you going to listen? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash monohand all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash monohand now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash monohand. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals,

overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. That's a no-seeker. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay, so as you know, I'm always asking you, if you have a question, go to my website, heathermonaghan.com, there's a contact me form,

or you can DM me on any social media, LinkedIn, Instagram, I spent a ton of time on. And so I got a DM from one of our team here, part of the show, and I wanted to share the question with you. I'm gonna do my best to answer it, but listen, I, oh my gosh, I so feel for this person because it seems like they're in a situation similar to the one that I was in a few years back and I have a lot of empathy for it.

It sucks when you're in it. But like anything, things are temporary and it's so important, you know, when things are not going great for you just to remind yourself, this is temporary, it's going to change. It always does. Remind yourself of other times in your life. And the more that you train yourself to do that, the more you can understand that,

okay, I can endure this for the moment in time that I'm in and just know and have faith that things are going to get better and change because they will, because the best is yet to come. And that, my friends, I know for sure. Okay, so I got a DM on Instagram from this woman and said, hey Heather, you talk a lot about women bullying in the workplace. Yes, I do. Even some of my women customers are so BITC AG.

I am the nicest, most organized, thoughtful person, and I provide a lot of value. Why is there shade from women? Do you have a podcast about this? Like outright ignoring my calls, ignoring my emails, etc. After they ask for something, mind has officially been blown emoji, which is so funny. I get it. I totally get it. And then she goes on to say, is there a respectful way to let them know that is not appreciated? Yes, of course there is. Okay, so first and foremost, you cannot change the people around you. However, you can change who you choose to be around. That's really important, right?

And gosh, I went through this even with my ex-husband. I wanted to change how he was, right? People have to want to change themselves. That's not your job. That's not your responsibility. It's our job to accept people for the way that they are or choose to move on. And it really comes down to that. When you are your most confident self,

when you have your self worth, you know that you deserve better than that, right? And you're not gonna tolerate it. Listen, life is a journey, it is a growing process, and I'm definitely not nailing things on the daily and make mistakes all the time. But one of the things I know for sure is, for 14 years I worked side by side

with someone who did not like me. In fact, in the end, she despised me. Everyone knew it, it was obvious. And I turned a blind eye to that bad behavior day in and day out, and that was the wrong decision. That was chipping away at my confidence. So the more you put yourself in proximity to people who don't respect you, don't treat you well,

and you allow that to go on, you're the one that's going to get taken down. Not them. Right? They're going to carry on with their lives, probably completely oblivious to what they're doing or enjoying it or whatever. It's irrelevant. But the bottom line is you are the one. In any moment, you are either creating confidence within you or chipping away at it. And any level of disrespect, you know, ignoring, treating poorly that you allow to go on, you're allowing that. It's about flipping the script on these people. It's okay, your behavior is poor, whatever, I can't change you. That's on you. And that's for you to work out on your own. But what I can change is my decision.

I can change my boundaries. I can change who I choose to be around. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing for my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy all because I use Shopify. It is just so easy all because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch, your online shop stage to the first real life store stage. All the way to did we just set a million order stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soaps or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere, from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever and

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Okay, so let me guess, like me, you get stressed out during the work week, maybe some nights it's even really difficult to fall asleep because you have so much to do, so much pressure on you, being a parent, working, dealing with difficult clients, traffic, just all of the regular headaches that everybody's dealing with. I got you on this one. I decided to try a different approach because I was sick of feeling anxious and

stressing out about falling asleep at night. Well, that's where CBD from CB Distillery came in. And wow, it has been a real change. CB distilleries targeted formulations are made from the highest quality, clean ingredients. No fluff, no fillers, just pure effective CBD solutions designed to help support your health. In two nonclinical surveys, 81% of customers experience more calm. 80% said CBD helped with pain after physical activity and 90% said they slept better with CBD. If you struggle with a health concern and haven't found relief,

make the change that I made to CB Distillery with over 2 million customers and a solid 100% money back guarantee. CB Distillery is a source to trust. I have a 20% discount to get you started. Visit CB distillery dot com and use code confidence for 20% off. That's CB distillery dot com code confidence CB distillery dot com. I remember when I was young in business, I was in my early 20s and I was in one of my first account executive jobs in radio. And I remember my old boss would say to me, Heather, these customers are taking way too

much of your time. They want you at their back and call. And they did. It was ridiculous. Back then, I didn't have a lot of self-worth. I wasn't very confident, although people did not know that. The minute they would say, come over here, I'd go running over, desperate to keep their business. There's no room for desperation in business or life. You don't need to be desperate. There's always going to be another deal. There's

always going to be another opportunity. There's always going to be another partner. There's always going to be another client or friend. It's all about hiring and allowing for the people at Tree. be in their client or friend, right? So it's all about hiring and allowing for the people at TreeGrate and firing the ones that don't. And I remember that was a discussion that we ended up having about one of these clients that just was relentless with what they wanted from me and it didn't make sense and it wasn't fair

and it wasn't good business. So with the support of my boss, I finally went to them and said, listen, here's the thing. I just want you to know that you're taking so much more time than any of my other clients. The return on investments not here for me. So either you can start spending more with me to get this level of service, or you can stop asking me for, you know, all these aggressive additional things, or we can just shake hands and part friends and not do business together anymore.

Right. I can't change them, but I can change my ask. I can change what I allow for. And in the end, they stopped asking me for all these crazy things. So it was just having that calm conversation. Another thing that's important to know, when you disagree with someone or you don't like how someone's behaving, it doesn't need to be a fight.

It doesn't need to be an argument, right? It doesn't need to be this big thing It doesn't need to be an argument, right? It doesn't need to be this big thing. It can be a conversation. Because oftentimes people don't know what impact they're having on you, or they don't understand how you're processing something. I actually went through something like this a couple of months ago in a situation in my personal life

where I finally had to say to someone, you're not doing a good job communicating. It's really frustrating for me. And he had no idea. He was so surprised by that comment. And once I explained to him what I meant by it, he changed his behavior. It wasn't a big fight.

It wasn't an argument. It was up to him if he wanted to address it or not. And he did. It didn't even seem like a big deal. He just didn't know that that was a situation for me or a problem for me. So it's about remaining calm the minute you get angry at somebody else, you're giving them power over you. Right? So look at it as, oh, there's a challenge here and there's an opportunity for a solution as well. So if these women in this woman's life that wrote into me, you

know, if they're disrespecting her, ignoring her, I would first and foremost alert them that it's a problem for you, right? And you can do that in a very calm manner. You could say, hey, not sure. I'm a little confused. I love that line. I'm confused. I reached out to you via email to follow up on your request, and I never heard back. Are you receiving my emails? Question mark. So just being direct and asking people the obvious questions. And then see where that goes. Be open-minded. Maybe the person says, I'm sorry,

I've just been buried and I'm missing email. This is not on you. This is my fault. Give me a little bit of time. Who knows what the situation is, but we can't assume for the other person. Now, there are people that are just nasty, right? And just maybe they're jealous of you.

I don't know what the reason is why they're behaving that way. But those are not your people. And the sooner you figure that out, the quicker you can fire that villain from your life and start attracting opportunities, customers, clients, partners that show up and respect you and support you and treat you the way that you would like to be treated.

We are always teaching people how to treat us, right? So start teaching them what works for you instead of reacting to how they behave. It's a big, big shift. And listen, there's going to be haters no matter where you are. I'm like, gosh, I've been getting so many haters lately on my Instagram account. It's crazy. But we have to start looking at that as, wow, I'm impacting and reaching more people. That's a positive, right? If everybody's going to love us, that means we're vanilla. I am not vanilla, my friend. And I know you are not either, right? Who I don't want to be vanilla. I don't want to just be flying under the radar.

That's not me and that's not why I was put on this earth, right? I'm here to make a difference. I'm here to shine my light and be my unique flawed self and do it in a big, exciting, fun way. So knowing that, every time I see a hater come for me, I kind of celebrate it like, well, all right, well, we're reaching some more people. Wow, poor person.

I feel so bad for them that they get that upset about something like that. You know, oh, well, they're not my people. Fire that villain and move on to the next, right? Clear that space and clear that negativity from your life so you can start inviting positive people who are your people to start showing up. For far too long, I sat at a table where I was not appreciated. I was really not even wanted in many ways. I was tolerated and I knew it and that felt really bad. It was scary as you can imagine to walk away from that situation knowing I had an 18 month non-compete, knowing I didn't know where I was going, I didn't know what business I would begin, I didn't know how I'd make money. The whole thing

felt so unclear and scary, but I look back now, what I did was I shut the chapter on a chapter that was really ugly and not helpful and not serving me and opened myself up to new opportunities, new people that did support me and championed me. And it happened so quickly. The minute you clear negative people from your life, you make space for positive people to start showing up for you. You make space for positive people to start showing up for you.

You make space for your people to find you. And that's what's important. Stop settling, stop just tolerating something when you deserve so much more. Meet a different guest each week. Hold it on a change! Confidence clear. Looking for that perfect gift for your someone special or still figuring out that outfit

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works with factories that are safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. And I love that. I will tell you the fabrics in the cashmere sweaters are so incredible. The washable silk, I'm able to wear to bed. Everything feels incredible to the touch. You just, you can't wait to put Quince products on. It's literally that incredible and the pricing is even better. You're saving so much more money and you don't even realize you're doing it because the products are comparable to the highest quality anything that you're buying and paying top ticket for. Stop paying too much. Start getting Quints. Give yourself or others the gift of luxury this Valentine's Day with Quints. Go to quints.com slash confidence

for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash confidence to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quints.com slash confidence. Start saving some money for products you love. I wrote two books about this. Confidence Creator is my first book, Overcome Your Villains is my second book. I have so many chapters in there about how to deal with difficult situations, how to deal with difficult people, how to deal with haters, you know,

and I've learned all this stuff by doing it wrong the first time and then taking a step back, reassessing and trying different strategies. So I found some things that have worked really well for me. I hope they'll help you. My second book, Overcome Your Villains, is the three-step process to overcome any adversity in business and in life.

I highly recommend it for this woman who sent me this message, it's beliefs, action and knowledge and this three step process is foolproof. Like it will work for you if you work the plan. It works for me time and time again. And yes, I was surrounded by people that did not treat me well and did not respect me.

And I look back on that time now and what an incredible learning lesson it is because I allowed that to occur. I'm the problem. It was me, right? And that's Taylor Swift song. But here's the thing. I love T-Swifty.

But here's the thing is that when you start taking ownership for what's happening in your life and around you, boom, the game changes. Because now you're in charge to change the game. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it doesn't happen without fear. I was scared to death to make the moves that I made. But here I am six years later, and my life

is so incredibly different. It's unbelievable. And I just had one of my best friends turn 50 last weekend. 15 of our best, greatest friends from Massachusetts, we all grew up together in Worcester, Mass, flew in from all over the country now because people have moved to different places. And we've all been friends since we were 15

and we are in lockstep and everyone's got everyone's back and no one fights and there's nothing but love. And it is such an incredible, I never knew I would have friendships like this with women for so long in my life. I'm so grateful. So I want you to know this, maybe right now you haven't found your people,

they're out there. I promise you your people are out there and they are looking for you, but you've got to close the door on the negative ones, on the ones that are chipping away at your confidence, on the ones that are tolerating you. And you need to take ownership for it and say, hey, I'm the problem, it's me. I'm flipping the script on this. I'm going to start teaching people how to treat me.

And when they don't want to get on board, I'm going to fire that villain and create space for someone more positive to show up. Don't forget, six years ago, when that woman thought she fired me, I had actually fired my number one villain from my life. Within one week, Elvis Trans team reached out to me and flew me into New York to go on a show and supported me and gave me the idea to write a book. And when I tell you it was a domino effect of amazing things that happened.

Again, it wasn't easy. I was scared to death. Right? It felt really uncertain, but when everything's uncertain, anything is possible. Choose you, put yourself first, fire your villains, and watch the right people start showing up for you. I hope that answered your question. If you guys have questions, please go to heathermonahan.com, contact me for more, go to Instagram, LinkedIn, any social media and hit me up at heathermonahan with your question. I promise I'll do my best to answer it.

Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I'm gonna make a move right now. I decided to change that dynamic. I know I'm fair enough. I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear start learning and growing inevitably something will happen no one succeeds alone you don't stop and look around once in a while you would miss it

I'm on this journey with me