Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #411: From Setbacks to BREAKTHROUGHS: Create Confidence In Any Situation With Heather!

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  My favorite tips for creating a confidence safety net The best way to build yourself up in hard times Lessons that come from the most unexpected places Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Follow me on instagram: @heathermonahan Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Visit CBDistillery.com and use code CONFIDENCE for 20% off. Show Notes:  Have you ever reflected on the breakthroughs that have gotten you to where you are now? There is this one lesson that continues to resonate for me almost every day, and it was taught to me by my son! It is all about building a safety net of reminders to ensure our confidence even in the toughest of times. We can’t always be confident! There are bound to be moments of uncertainty and fear. And that is where this lesson comes into play. Listen in and start creating your safety net. Confidence is at your fingertips! Just reach out and grab it! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lower case. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals overcome adversity And set you up for a better tomorrow I'm ready for my close-up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week Okay, so every once in a while I like to look back and this is interesting I'm retraining myself now that if I'm gonna spend time doing something and it's not living in the present moment,

I want it to be future casting of where I'm going, right? Like that clear vision of where I wanna be. I don't wanna spend a lot of time pining over the past, like, oh, why did this happen? And why did that not work out? And blah, blah, blah. But every once in a while, I do like to go back and look at my books, right?

Overcome Your Villains, Confidence Creator. And it's super emotional for me when I do. And this was all kind of prompted. A really good friend of mine came to town, spring break here in Miami. And so a bunch of people came into town actually. And a lot of people that I, you know, grown up with my whole life from Massachusetts,

and it's so, and some of their kids are here. And it's just, it's so great to have people in your life that you've known, they've known you through all the highs, the lows, the challenges, and it makes me nostalgic, I guess, a little bit. So anyhow, I was thinking about my first book, Confidence Creator. I also was because of the other episode

I created this week about getting fired. And to me, that book I wrote right when I got fired, and it's kind of that roadmap for creating confidence getting fired and to me that book I wrote right when I got fired and It's kind of that roadmap for creating confidence in any situation and bouncing back From a big challenge and turning it into really a breakthrough instead of a setback So super proud of that book super proud of both of my books, but confidence creator was my first one So kind of special place in my heart. Okay. So actually I don't have any confidence creators in my house right now. Isn't that crazy? It's so weird. I used to have cases and cases of them. And I, right now I have a case of overcome your villains and I have no confidence creator.

So I actually had to pull it up on my computer on my PDF final that we submitted back in 2018. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy. All because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to did we just hit a million order stage?

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I didn't know what I was going to do when I got fired. Launching my own business seems so intimidating. I didn't know how to set up a website and I really didn't need to. Shopify does it all for you and they make it so easy. It was that breakthrough moment for me that I realized I can do this. I can go to work for myself. Thanks to Shopify. What I love about Shopify is you don't need to have all this technology information ready to, you don't need to know how to plan and run things.

You just need to go to the platform, turn it on and know what you're selling and Shopify is going to help you figure out the rest. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the U S and Shopify is the global force behind all birds, Rothy's and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries, including your girl right here. Plus Shopify is award-winning help is there to support your success every step

of the way because businesses that that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. No matter what stage you're at, they're going to make it easy. Okay. So let me guess, like me, you get stressed out during the work week. Maybe some nights,

it's even really difficult to fall asleep because you have so much to do so much pressure on you being a parent, working, dealing with difficult clients, traffic, just all of the regular headaches that everybody's dealing with. I got you on this one. I decided to try a different approach because I was sick of feeling anxious and stressing out about falling asleep at night. Well, that's where CBD from CB distillery came in and wow, it has been a real change.

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with over two million customers and a solid 100% money back guarantee. CB Distillery is the source to trust. I have a 20% discount to get you started. Visit cbdistillery.com and use code confidence for 20% off. That's cbdistillery.com. Code confidence, cbdistillery.com. So anyhow, all right, my dedication, I want to start with this. For my son who has taught me that confidence is not given, it is created.

You may have been the youngest and smallest on the basketball court, but I watched you go out there and go after it like a boss. I am forever grateful for your example. Now this makes me almost want to cry. What's interesting is my son is not little anymore. He is a boss. He's huge. He is a boss. He's huge. He's a beast. He has for like the, I don't even know how many years now, forever since he was

probably five years old, he's been playing basketball. But really for the last few years, he works out sometimes twice a day. He has a personal trainer. He is on the AAU team for Ray Allen. Like he plays on the high school team. My son is committed all in on basketball, but it was kind of cool for me when I wrote Confidence Creator in 2018. Dylan was 10 years old then. So it's just kind of cool to reflect, and that's why it's super important, I think,

to journal, to see how far you've come. And this just reminds me how far my son has come. I would have never known he's gonna be as tall as he is. He always says he knew he would be, but it's just interesting that you never know what's gonna happen. Anything is possible, and this guy, he was one of the littlest kids on the court

when he was younger, and he's not anymore. And things can change, and things can get better, and things are temporary. So I hope that that reminder lands with you today. Okay, so I wanna get into the first chapter of my first book because it's really special to me. And I think that it's actually, I think out of both my books, it's the most commented chapter,

like the one that people speak to me so much about and it's cause it's about my son. I think that that really lands with people. Okay so I wrote an introduction to the book I'm not gonna get into that but let's get into confidence. Alright it's part one confidence chapter one. Remind yourself it's so good. Mom can you write on my shoes? That's what my nine-year-old son Dylan asked me at 630 in the morning before school. I was rushing around the kitchen trying to make breakfast and get his backpack before we had to fly out the door and he's asking me to write on his shoes. What? Hurry up we're gonna be late. That was me. True story. I saw he was

holding out one of his basketball sneakers in a sharpie. I knew he had a game that night but still had no idea what he was talking about. What am I writing? I want you to write, you can do all things on the bottom of my shoe. I think he saw the blank look on my face, so he explained, mom, no matter how good you are and no matter how talented you are, every once in a while you need to remind yourself. When you're in a tough spot, you have to remember who you are. You can't feel confident every minute of every day. Oh gosh, he's preaching.

His kid is so right. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How brilliant was this? I wrote out the phrase for him in marker on the bottom of his shoe and handed it back to him. He ran off, finished packing his bag while I watched him in stunned silence. I couldn't get over what had just happened. My son had taught me the importance of reminders. I had literally cried. I was 41 and still struggling with my confidence. It took me years to learn how to believe in myself. He was 9, but he was already capable of creating a confidence safety net that he could turn to for

support when he needed it. At the time, I was a CRO of a radio company. Because of my job and my role in various charities, I was often required to speak in front of large groups of people at functions. But it wasn't always easy for me. I would feel nervous before I had to take the podium. I'd look out over a sea of faces who were all staring back for me. I would feel nervous before I had to take the podium. I'd look out over a sea of faces who were all staring back at me and I would feel doubt creepin'. I would question myself.

That's not a comfortable position to be in. Deep down, I knew I was capable, but there were times when I found it difficult to call upon my confidence. Dylan was right. We need to support ourselves during challenging moments. So after that talk with my son, I took a page from his playbook and started to write little reminders on my shoes

whenever I found myself nervous about making a speech or attending a big meeting. One month later I was asked to speak at a charity luncheon for an organization called City Year Miami. They mentor inner-city youth to give them the direction they need to get through school without dropping out. Many of those kids didn't have a support system. Many were impoverished and living in dark places. They were just trying to get by. It wasn't easy to have confidence and trust in yourself when growing up in that environment. So one thing I wanted to stress in my speech was that those kids could learn confidence. Confidence is a skill that can be learned and not one

that they had to be born with. What better way to prove that than by using myself as an example? At the end of my speech I told that story about my son and the message he wanted me to write on his basketball shoe. I brought the actual shoe up with me to the podium. I even showed everyone the message that I wrote on the bottom of my heels that morning. The very next day, I was sitting at my desk at work when I opened up my email and saw that my mailbox was filled with messages from my friends and co-workers who attended the luncheon. They had all sent me pictures of the notes they wrote on the soles of their heels. I love me. I deserve better. I can do this. I'm not alone.

The messages went on and on. The ladies got into it. Today, I write reminders to myself on my computer. I have reminders that pop up on my iPhone. I hide some inside of my clothes and around my house. I even have a picture frame that says, hello gorgeous. I sometimes forget where I put them. So when I come across it, it brings a smile to my face. More importantly, those reminders have a lasting impact. We all need people who pick us up when we're down, but sometimes it's a job that we can do ourselves. Playing a role in our own rescue is the ultimate key. Sometimes it's as simple as having access to reminders. If you ever see me

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checklist designed to give you consistently excellence in performance, absolutely free at netsuite.com slash Monaghan. That's netsuite.com slash Monaghan to get your own KPI checklist, netsuite.com slash Monaghan. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Forget the pressure to be crushing your workout on day one. Just start moving with the Peloton bike, bike plus to be crushing your workout on day one. Just start moving with the Peloton Bike, Bike Plus, Tread, Row, Guide or App. There are thousands of classes and over 50 Peloton instructors ready to support you from the beginning. Remember, doing something

is everything. Rent the Peloton Bike or Bike Plus today at onepeloton.ca slash bike slash rentals. All access membership separate, terms apply. Confidence Creator. I ask you to try to find your passion. Okay, so that was the first chapter from my first book, Confidence Creator. It holds such a special place in my heart. That is a true story.

And that is not where my son stops. He constantly teaches me lessons. I remember, I guess about a year ago, I went down to his room to put some clothes away, and I saw he had this vision board that he had created of all these colleges he was gonna get accepted to, and the NBA, and I said, what is this? I had never told him to do a vision board.

In fact, I had never done one. I had heard of it, but I just never had actually done it. He said, oh, this is my vision board. This is what I'm creating for my future. And it was just so like matter of fact. Of course he was. Why wouldn't he be? You know, it's important to do the work, right?

Like I said, my son trains at least once a day and most days twice a day. He's very clear on his goals. He writes them down. He has pictures and images of them. He surrounds himself with people who are at a super high level. You know, he trains with the best traders. He pushes himself into fear all of the time. Remember I mentioned he was the smallest kid on the court for a really long time.

Right. So he's putting the work in, he's got clarity on what his goals are. He's taking the necessary steps to achieve them. But he's got this really strong sense of belief and a knowing. And that was something I was missing for years. And so I emulate that from him. And it's so great to have an example and examples can come in so many different ways. It doesn't just have to be a mentor or someone who's light years ahead of you.

Sometimes it can be your child. Hope this message helps. I hope you leave yourself some reminders because you are worthy and you can choose to develop the skill of confidence too. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. Hi, I'm here to tell you about a new podcast that I am so excited about, Negotiate Your Best Life. Hosted by Rebecca Zung, a part of the YAP Media Network, as a globally renowned narcissist negotiation expert and an attorney recognized by US News as a best lawyer in America, Rebecca shares her invaluable insights and strategies for navigating life's toughest negotiations. By drawing from her own experiences and the wisdom

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