Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #417: Turning The Tables: From Breakdowns To Breakthroughs in Business & Life with Heather!

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About: Why you should NEVER accept advice from people who haven’t been where you want to go The strategies to turn tragedy into triumph Embracing gratitude & recognizing the silver linings Surviving & thriving through adversity Resources: Visit heathermonahan.com Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Go to Quince.com/confidence for free shipping and 365-day returns on your order Get 35% off Tailor Brands LLC formation plans using our link: tailorbrands.com/confidence Show Notes:  Are you ready to venture into the realm of transformation and gratitude? Today I am looking back and connecting the dots that brought me here. When I was fired, I had no idea what was in store for me! It was so scary at first but it taught me so many lessons on what to do when confronted with adversity. If you are facing tough times, remember you don’t have to do it alone! Let me share everything I’ve learned and how I turned my tragedy into triumph. Together we can step into the boldest most successful versions of ourselves!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lower case. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. Come on this journey with me each week when you join me, you're going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity, and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my closeup. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Okay. So one of the things I was thinking about this weekend, I got to spend some time with a lot of my girlfriends.

There's like a birthday season. Do you have that in your life where it feels like all of your friends have a birthday within the same month? So this weekend, there's three different birthday parties. So many birthdays happening. It's crazy. And one of my dearest friends in Miami wanted to know if I voted thumbs up or thumbs down on a date she was having. So she wanted me to meet up and vet the date.

There was a lot of places to be this weekend, a lot to do all crazy and ridiculous and super blessed and grateful that I have amazing friends. But I'll tell you, I definitely make my friends a priority in my life. And people ask me all the time, how do you have so many great girlfriends? How have you kept them so long? Where you water, where you put your energy is where you'll see growth, right? So if you invest in people, where you water, where you put your energy is where you'll see growth. So if you invest in people, if you make them a priority, I didn't want to go to all these birthday parties this weekend, but I knew it was important to them. And so when you show up for people and you make people a priority, they do the same for

you. And if they don't, those are not your people. So if you want to have great friends, if you want them to be important in your life and make you feel great, you gotta do the same for them. So I've been showing up all weekend. I went and vetted my friend's date, thumbs down, and just a quick note on that, it was funny because I had recently seen her out with another guy who literally looked at her as if she was the only woman in the room. And I used that juxtapose and comparison when I saw her out with this other guy who

looked at me the exact same way he looked at her. We were just people, which is fine. And he was super nice and fun. But the way this other man looked at her, nothing else mattered. It was so obvious. It was beautiful, actually, to see. When someone has so much love in their heart and their eyes

for someone that you can feel it That's how someone should be loved and for me at 49 years old. I've been married. I've been engaged twice I've been divorced. I have a child. I've gone through a lot of experiences and I'm clear on What that looks like and you can feel it. And I could feel it from my friend. And when I explained it to her, she's 10 years younger than me, never been married, no kids and hasn't had all the life experience I have,

I was able to share with her, listen, this guy's great, super fun, very attractive, very kind, funny, smart, cool. He's not your guy. And she knew in her heart of hearts. But that's why it's so important when you bring people into your life, before you start asking for their advice, before you're picking them to vet people in your life, make sure that they have the knowledge that you need. Right?

Take a hard look. There's plenty of people in my life. I would not ask for business advice. There's certain people in my life. I would ask for relationship advice. There are very few people in my life that I would ask for business advice, there's certain people in my life I would ask for relationship advice. There are very few people in my life that I would ask for business advice, right? So just be clear on people can be just amazing friends, but not someone you go to for advice. That's fine too. Just be very careful who you ask for advice. Never take direction from someone who hasn't been where you want to go.

One of my girlfriends has an amazing marriage and she's definitely one of the people I always go to when I'm dating someone and I have questions. She's acing that part of her life, right? She's not killing it in business so I don't ask her business questions. Be really intentional about who you seek advice from. It's going to impact you in a very, very big way. And also be really aware who's a champion for you. Surround yourself with people that want you at the table. Surround yourself with people that save you a seat. And if you don't have those people, fire them, go to another room and find new people because they are out there. And as you show up as that most powerful real version of yourself,

you'll attract those right people to you. I promise you that. those right people to you. I promise you that. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy. All because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch, your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to, did we just hit a million order stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soaps or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere

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to. Shopify does it all for you and they make it so easy. It was that breakthrough moment for me that I realized I can do this, I can go to work for myself thanks to Shopify. What I love about Shopify is you don't need to have all this technology information ready to, you don't need to know how to plan and run things. You just need to go to the platform, turn it on and know what you're selling

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So today I wanted to share a chapter from Confidence Creator and give you some color on each one of the topics I'm gonna get into. Okay, so my first book is called Confidence Creator. If you haven't read it yet, get the audible, because if you're listening to me, it's still your girl. I narrate it, I love it. Confidence Creator, Heather Monahan, get the audible.

Okay, chapter 19, turning tragedy into triumph. A little over a month after being fired, I heard that a former coworker of mine was fired from the same company. I called him immediately and he sounded so scared and sad. I understood how he felt because only four weeks earlier I felt the exact same way. I told him what I did and how I got back on my feet. Over the past year, people have shared with me their own personal stories about getting fired and how they dealt with the adversity. I started compiling those stories and put together a list of techniques that help me

and others get through difficult times like this. When people tell me they've been fired, here is the advice that I give them. Okay, number one, this is good. By the way, I'm going to give you some additional color. Feel sad. That's super important. And I gave myself that grace. This is not me reading.

I'm just giving color, but I Definitely gave myself grace at least for a day. I was a disaster Balling my eyes out. I felt so bad. I was having a pity party and I think it's important to do that It was really really painful. I was very very hurt. However, you can't stay there that long Okay, now I'm going back to reading first and foremost It is necessary to give yourself some time to feel hurt, upset, and angry. I certainly felt that way.

I cried for two days straight. Oh, I guess I was wrong. I thought it was one day. I guess it was two. Anytime you suffer disappointment, you will struggle. Don't skip this step. Don't pretend you aren't feeling these things. Let it out because it's the first step you need to take in order to bounce back stronger.

Facts! Give yourself some grace. Oh this is a good one. Have a 30-day plan. I broke my plan down into weeks. Each week I had specific goals I wanted to accomplish and each week was a step that helped me to get to my ultimate monthly goal. Everyone's goals are different so come up with a plan that fits you and what you want to accomplish. Write it down, because seeing it in writing makes it visual and makes it real. Hold yourself accountable. Crossing the days off on a calendar helps, too.

You will see yourself getting closer to your goal and feeling better. Most importantly, have faith that things can change for the better. They can. Your entire life can change in 24 hours. Literally, you can meet a new person that could open up an opportunity

or sweep you off your feet feet or you just never know. Literally, everything can change in 24 hours. Stay optimistic, stay open. One of the cool things, this is not in the book, but one of the cool things when I look back and think about that time, the 30 day plan, the biggest takeaway now that I look back on it were the surprising things that showed up in my life. Like the opportunity to go on the Elvis Duran show and then him speaking conviction and belief into me that I could write a book and then me googling how do you write a book and figuring it out and now me sitting here right now reading you the book that was just an idea.

Something that I didn't even know was possible back then. In every moment things are changing. In every moment, you're learning something new, gaining access to information you didn't have previously, and that changes everything moving forward. Okay, next, keep a journal. Write down what you're doing each day. Write down how you feel. List your fears. Describe what actions you want to take each day to improve. When you set a goal to lose weight, you weigh yourself daily and keep yourself on track. It's a process. It's no different than when you find yourself trying to get through a difficult situation. It's the equivalent of taking your temperature each day and that

allows you to see that you're getting better, even if you don't initially feel any better. This will become your roadmap to rebuilding your strength. At the end of this process, the insight you glean from your notes will empower you in ways you can't imagine. And by the way, I still go back to those journals and I feel so strong now when I go back and see how weak I was in that moment. So being real and vulnerable with yourself, it's going to give you power moving forward because now when I go back and read that, I know you can't connect the dots looking forward. But now I can connect them looking back. I didn't know I'd write two books.

I didn't know I'd sign with HarperCollins leadership. I didn't know I'd become a top 50 keynote speaker in the world and speak at Saudi Arabia, the largest tech conference. I didn't know any of this stuff was going to happen. But now that I look back, I can look at that Heather the day that I got fired and give her a virtual hug and say, hang in there kid, things are about to get so much better you can't even imagine. And I want you to have that same excitement for you. Okay, remember that you've been here before. It may sound depressing at first, but identifying another time in your life when you've been hurt helps. After I was fired, I went back to look at

my divorce journal to see where I was at different times and how I progressed to eventually move beyond the pain. You gain strength by reading how you previously overcame adversity. It reinforces the idea that you can do it again and you will. Express gratitude. This is huge. Shifting your perspective and expressing gratitude will help you accelerate your progress and get you closer to your goal of feeling better. Every morning when you wake up write down three things that you are grateful for. Do it for a month. It can be something substantial like your children, friends, health, or something small like a good hair day or a beautiful flower you saw on the way to your car.

I do that all the time. I love that. Taking the time to stop, look, and appreciate the beauty all around you in your life gives you so much more to be grateful for and attracts more great things into your life. Do what feels good. Super important. Take the time to enjoy songs, smells, walks, exercise, being outside, separating from technology, meditating, I need to get better at that,

and spending time with those you love. Find out what makes you feel good and do it. The more time you spend doing the things that make you feel happy, the more happy and positive experiences you will bring into your life. Create the momentum, spend time doing what feels good for you. You're worth it. Open up, sharing what happened to you with others is huge. Your mess becomes the message. You will be shocked to learn how many people want to help you and want to be there for you. Simply, if you just ask, if you share your own story, people will share theirs. Put yourself out there. The universe has a funny way of

giving you what you need, but you can't sit back and expect it to fall into your lap. You need to take action. Look for a silver lining. Getting fired was like a punch in the gut, but after some time I realized how my stress levels decreased once I was fired. I was calm wasn't rushing around I was happy to wake up each day I was able to appreciate my son and my fiance at the time I have actually ended that I ended that relationship years ago But when I wrote the book I was engaged again behind the scenes and see how absolutely amazing They truly were both of them continued to blow me away with their support. That was for sure. Imagine upgrading your wardrobe with luxury essentials

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CBD. If you struggle with a health concern and haven't found relief, make the change that I made to CB Distillery with over 2 million customers and a solid 100% money back guarantee. CB Distillery is the source to trust. I have a 20% discount to get you started. Visit cbdistillery.com and use code CONFIDENCE for 20% off. That's cbdistillery.com. Code confidence, cbdistillery.com. Code confidence, cbdistillery.com. Okay, live in the present. Really key here. It's so easy to get ahead of ourselves or get anxious

when thinking about uncertainty in the future. Don't fall into the trap. You want goals and you want to work towards goals, but live in the moment and live in today. Realize that you are living in this moment and this moment is yours. You are exactly where you need to be. Anything is possible today. That's something I still work on. When I start getting stressed out or I start worrying about the future, I remind myself, be grateful for this moment right here. Look around, look outside, feel how you feel, and stop putting yourself in the future. And when I do that, I'm instantly happier

and instantly less stressed. Create your own future. Use words that encapsulate, big word Heather, how you picture yourself in the future. Create visuals in your mind to make it feel more real. Write down your goals and desires so you can be reminded. Spend some quiet time seeing yourself where you want to be and feeling how you want to feel. Watch the universe rise up to help you get there. I never knew I would speak in Saudi Arabia this year, right? But I've

always been saying and praying to God to land me on the biggest stages in the world and to speak through me so that we can impact, help and heal millions. I've been praying that for years. Am I shocked that I ended up in Saudi Arabia in front of that massive audience? No, but did I ever plan for it? Not really. I prayed to have the opportunity to do good

and impact millions and those doors eventually started opening for me. Okay take a step back think about your former goals. Do you have the same goals today that you did years earlier? People change and as they do so does what they want. It's easy to put on blinders and race towards a goal without realizing that deep down inside you might have shifted lanes. You might not want the same things anymore but continue to pursue those same goals because that's what you've always done. What are you meant to be doing now? What will it take for you to get there? Take this time to

reassess and modify your goals so they better fit the direction you want your life to take now. You are priority number one. You are the one going through this, and you are the one who's going to improve your life as a result of it. No one else can do it for you, and nobody has to give you anything. No permission, nothing. You've got it within you.

You have to work for it, and you have to be your biggest supporter. That all begins with putting yourself first before every flight. The attendants go through their spiel and tell you that during an emergency you must put the oxygen mask on you first before helping others. This doesn't mean that you should turn your back on others, but you have to survive first

before you can start helping others. Start your survival strategy today. Put you first. Be open to signs. Notice what is happening around you. Sometimes the answers to the most complex problems have simple solutions that were always right in front of us. And when all else fails, remember this is temporary. When you are down, the key is to remember that things will go back up again and nothing

is ever as bad as it initially seems. Like most of you, I've had my share of breakdowns, but looking back on all of it now, I've come to realize that my biggest breakdowns ultimately led me to my biggest breakthroughs. And the same will be true for you. Okay, if you're liking what I'm putting down, get the book, Confidence Creator, the audible version. I narrate both of my books, Overcome Your Villains and Confidence Creator. Read Confidence Creator first.

So good. I love it. I'm super proud of it. And yes, there are three mistakes in there because done will always be better than perfect. If you like the show, please share it on social media. When you tag me, I repost and reshare and comment on your stuff. I so appreciate your support.

No one succeeds alone, including this girl. And if you could leave a review, it would mean the world to me. Until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. Quick math, the less your business spends on operations, on multiple systems, on delivering your product or service, the more margin you have, the more money you keep. But with higher expenses on materials, employees, distribution, borrowing, everything costs more.

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