Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #429: Why Worrying IS NOT Worth It with Heather!

Episode Date: May 22, 2024

The biggest stages in the world are waiting to welcome you. Are you ready to take the stage? Let me teach you how…. Join The Elite Mastermind with me! There are only 20 seats available. Link here: https://heathermonahan.com/the-elite-mastermind/ In This Episode You Will Learn About: Why worry is a liar that you need to IGNORE What happens when you build your confidence & STOP giving power over you to others Why assuming the best is so much better than creating worst case scenarios How to tackle problems, NOT stress over them Resources: Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Time and time again I am shown that worrying over worst case scenarios is just a waste of time! I am done with it! Today we're diving deep into some personal stories, tackling fear head-on, and showing you just how powerful a positive mindset can be. I'll open up about my recent experiences, from navigating the dating world to celebrating the incredible growth of my mastermind group. If fear is holding you back, assume the best is yet to come and don’t let worries get in the way! Need a little help? Take a listen! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lower case. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my close-up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, this is a wild story. Totally unexpected. All right, let me start here. You got to get excited about life because you just never know what is going to happen next. Truly life is so wild and I hope you're so anticipating and looking forward to amazing things happening and unfolding in your life because I'm living it. I am so living it. And listen,

it doesn't mean that it always seems good in every moment. Oh no, not at all. And actually that's a story that I want to tell you about today. So in my personal life, you know, I am currently single and a lot of my friends set me up on dates and, you know, I have amazing friends and super grateful for that. But anyhow, there's a certain pressure when you get set up on a date through a friend because, you know, you want to do right by your friends. And anyhow,

this last week I had a date that a friend of mine had set me up on. Now I talk so much about not giving people power over you, you know, not reacting to what other people say or do and really giving yourself grace and owning your own power However, somehow I forgot that this week which is so crazy because I'm constantly talking to everybody else about this I needed my own advice and I don't know where it was. Well, here's the backstory I got very very nervous to tell somebody that I didn't have a romantic connection with them I don't know why I got like this.

I didn't want to hurt somebody's feelings, right? Cause I just thought to myself that I would be sad if I liked somebody and they didn't like me in that way. I feel like that would stink, right? So I worried about this for days. It was ridiculous. I mean, so my message for you is this, whatever you're worrying about right now, please stop.

There is no point in it. It's like walking around with an umbrella open with the chance that it may rain at some point in time. It makes no sense, right? Like it just, it makes zero sense. My point is this, I was worrying for nothing. It's crazy how much I worried. I had so many calls about how I could handle it

and what was the right words to use. And it was so ridiculous. Oh my gosh I can't even believe I went through all this. All right please do not worry. Please put your worries down. Set them aside. You are concerning yourself with something that we don't even know if it will exist or not and the reason why I'm sharing this with you is because I was so wrong. my mind. I thought this was going to be this horrible discussion and this person was going to be so heartbroken and upset. And there was going to be backlash with my friend. That's what I had created in my mind.

Completely not true, right? We cannot determine how somebody else will respond or react to anything. It's not within our power or our control. So we need to just expect the best, expect that things are going to go great and be open-minded to whatever wonderful situation could occur. Are you tired of the stress and chaos of live launching? Who isn't right? But if you've tried going evergreen, you know that's not the solution either. Hello, low conversions. So what's the

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Get the free on-demand video training at circuitsalesystem.com slash confidence. Get the free on demand video training at circuit sales system.com slash confidence. When I started podcasting an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy. All because I use Shopify. is just so easy, all because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage,

all the way to did we just hit a million order stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Whether you're selling scented soaps or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere. From all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever and whatever you're selling. Shopify has got you covered. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms and sell more with less

effort. Thanks to Shopify magic, your AI powered all star. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got fired. Launching my own business seems so intimidating. I didn't know how to set up a website and I really didn't need to. Shopify does it all for you and they make it so easy. It was that breakthrough moment for me that I realized I can do this. I can go to work for myself.

Thanks to Shopify. What I love about Shopify is you don't need to have all this technology information ready to you don't need to know how to plan and run things. You just need to go to the platform, turn it on and know what you're selling and Shopify is going to help you figure out the rest. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US and Shopify is the global force behind Albert's, Roth's and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across 175 countries, including your girl right here.

Plus Shopify is award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way because businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. No matter what stage you're at, they're going to make it easy. And what's funny is the person that I'm talking about here, who's an incredible human, just a wonderful, amazing man. It was funny

the day before I was going to meet him, I said, oh, are you going to be nervous to meet me? You know, the crazy things I say. And he said, no, why would I be nervous? I'm like, come on, you're definitely going to be nervous. And it was so funny. He said, no, I don't get nervous to meet anybody. I said, yeah, right. You don't get nervous ever. And he said, no, never. And I said, well, explain to me how that is. Cause I get nervous for things. And he said, basically everything is always working out for me. It always pretty much does for the most part. So whatever situation I'm going into, I know it's going to end up great. And he said, if you're saying or suggesting that, you know, maybe Heather, you're not going to like me and I should be nervous.

He said, one, I would just assume that you would like me because I'm a great person and a wonderful person. He said, but if you didn't like me, it wouldn't impact who I am or how I feel about myself. It would just mean that we're not the right fit for one another. And I just thought that was such a good attitude, right? Like take that idea. Oftentimes myself included, I put tons of pressure on myself. You know, I get nervous that I want to be at my best or I want to nail this speech or I want this person to fall for me or I want this situation to go this way. The reality is we cannot control other people. And the more we take this gentleman's attitude, which is basically I'm going to show up as the best version of me possible.

I'm going to expect that things are gonna go amazing because they usually do. And if for some reason that person doesn't connect with me the same way that I had thought they would, it's a gift because that person is not meant for me. That attitude and that perspective is so powerful and so spot on right. And I don't always take that

and I'd wanna remind myself to do it. And that's why I'm sharing it with you today is to help myself because I so need this message that I need to let go of planning how somebody else is going to react, you know, giving this idea that I know better than they know how they're going to react. So here's the bottom line. After all this worrying, so many phone calls, I met with somebody about this. I mean, it's crazy the amount of time, effort, and energy that went into me thinking about how this was all gonna go and worrying about this other person.

Bottom line is this, after days of worrying, I get in a phone call with this wonderful person, and the first thing he says to me is, hey, listen, I have a feeling you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you. And I just want to open it up. And he said like the nicest things in the world about me, it just was such a class act. And then went on to say, but I'd like to be friends with you. You know, if that's the case, that's okay.

We're not meant to be together, but you know what? I'd still like to be friends with you and have a friendship. I had sat around for days worrying, like literally it was stressing me out. I was so worried because I had decided how he was gonna react. I had decided that he was gonna be upset. I had decided all this insanity that wasn't true.

We never can decide for somebody else how they're gonna feel. We never can anticipate or forecast what's gonna happen because we're not in control of the other person. And here this guy was, this complete class act, I had gone on worrying for days about a situation that I made up in my mind, it didn't exist. So please put your worries down,

and I'm reminding myself of that too. I cannot worry, I cannot forecast the outcome. All I can do is show up as the best version of myself and anticipate that things are gonna go amazing, whatever that may be. But knowing I have zero control over it. So I am so taking a page of this man's playbook. He also went on to say, you know, I was so grateful.

I was just going crazy telling him how wonderful he was and how thankful I was was how he handled everything and completely different than what I had expected. 180. I was so so wrong and when he explained to me he said listen here's the thing he said when you go into any situation you can't put expectations on somebody else you can't plan for how they they're gonna respond and you can't put yourself worse in the hands of that person either. He said, if I'm gonna put my self-worth in whether Heather Monahan likes me or not,

I'm gonna have big problems in my life. He said, because I'm giving you all the power over me. And he said, and I'll ultimately resent you for that. He said, so I don't get upset if you don't like me in that way. He said, it doesn't impact me in that way because I know my self-worth comes from me and it isn't in a response to how somebody else reacts to me or if they want to be in a relationship with me. He said, that is completely separate. It has

nothing to do with who I am and how I feel about myself. That's true confidence, right, is not, you know, getting attached to these outcomes and not getting attached to how somebody responds to you. But instead just showing up as that best version of yourself, anticipating and expecting things are going to go amazing because they usually do and letting go of what the outcome is and knowing that it's all working out for your highest good. I just loved that. I thought it was so, so beautiful and I'm obsessed with the way this guy handled it. It was so cool. And I was so wrong. I thought it was so, so beautiful and I'm obsessed with the way this guy handled it. It was so cool and I was so wrong. So whatever,

you know, expectations you have or perspective you have that you're like pre-planning for for somebody else, let it go. You never know how somebody else is going to react, show up, or respond to something just because you think you know, you could be very, very, very wrong, just like I was. So huge learning lesson this weekend and big reminder that worry is not worth it. It just isn't.

I sat around and worried for days planning for something that didn't exist that I had made up in my mind. So we cannot decide how other people feel. We cannot choose to know how they're gonna feel. All we can do is ask them how they feel, right? And open that door and open that dialogue and expect that the best outcome will be there. And it really truly was.

So I'm so grateful for that experience. Another incredible experience I had this week was it was the end of my mastermind. So last year in May of 2023, I launched my first ever mastermind and the last year has been incredible. I've gotten to know these people so well. It's literally like, it's been so amazing to run with a team of like-minded people for one year, all working towards going to the next level.

The transition and changes that I've seen in each one of their individual lives has been nothing short of spectacular because again, you commit to being a part of a team of people pushing each other to go to the next level, encouraging one another and helping one another grow. One of the things that we do is we have two in-person meetings. Our last in-person meeting was this week. And so I got the chance to be with all these people in person, everybody that could make it.

And we, I actually brought everybody to my speaker trainer. And she's incredible. And she got everybody up on stage and to see how much better they were now than they were one year ago was shocking. Literally nothing short of shocking. It was incredible. And it was so exciting to see. And I was just I was super proud of shocking. It was incredible and it was so exciting to see and I was just I was super proud of everybody. You know they put themselves

out there, they push themselves, they've challenged themselves and they wrote down there you know when people join my mastermind they have to fill out an onboarding form which is all about like what their very specific goals are and where they're falling short and like what's been holding them back and what is their big picture vision for one year from now. And it was just so cool to see how far they had come, how much more they had achieved versus what they even expected or anticipated for themselves.

One gentleman, he had owned his own company and he was kind of a monotone speaker and he pushed himself and we really pushed him to challenge this idea that he needed to become more animated. He needed to lean into his personality. He needs to lean into his why. And when he did that, he really let go of this, you know, kind of just monotone persona that he would take on when he would speak and to see his personality come out. It was incredible to see.

And also over the last year he launched a personal brand. He launched a podcast, he launched a new company, he's writing a book, he landed his Ted talk, right? Like he's done so many incredible things in the last year and it's just been so fun to be a witness to all of that and, and be a part of that. I just felt so, so grateful. Another woman left her marriage, left her job, started her own company, has been stepping onto the biggest stages of her life, speaking up for herself, has stopped apologizing, right?

Like all of these transitions. Another woman quit her job that was a toxic work environment and joined a new startup and is invigorated and excited. And the positive changes that I've seen in these people's lives is nothing short of spectacular. And I'm just so grateful to witness it and be a part of it. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the sunrise challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27 to 31, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. Like successfully cutting your jeans into jorts. Yes! Shipping the kids off to summer camp.

Yes! Or winning the annual Schellenberg Family Water Balloon Fight. Yes! Suck it, Aunt Susan. Yup, definitely the best summer ever. Squeeze more summer out of summer with Skip. Did somebody say skip? And I'll tell you, for me, I don't know if I would have gone to Saudi Arabia had I not been a part of this mastermind, because I knew I had to lead by example.

And if you're not stepping into fear and you're not stepping into growth on the regular, then who are you? How can you be a part of a team that's all about going to the next level? So I'm so grateful to this mastermind for the gifts I was given to watch their growth, but then to also step into mine and push myself. Because you know, I was definitely nervous about going to Saudi Arabia.

And yet again, worry is not worth it, right? So I was sitting around worrying about going to Saudi Arabia. And the reality is I had the most incredible experience. I mean, it was definitely top five best experiences of my life. And that would have never happened if I hadn't chosen to step into fear. And it probably wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been a part of this mastermind. And it ended up being the biggest blessing and gift. And one of my mastermind attendees actually came with me. And so she got to be a guest of the ministry in Saudi Arabia. I mean, we had the most spectacular life changing experience.

And none of that would have happened if it hadn't been for this mastermind. So if you haven't checked out my mastermind, the link is in the show notes. You got to check it out. It's one year, all of us working together. It is an incredible experience. You meet incredible humans who are all like-minded, challenging and pushing themselves to grow, stepping into fear on the daily and making the world a better place, you know, doing something, sharing their message and giving

back and helping others and making their why huge and so powerful. And it was just, it was so great to see this group come together and wrap this year up. And now we're looking forward to launching this new mastermind in two more weeks. So if you haven't applied yet, apply now! You need to share your message. You need to be ready to go to the next level. You need to step into fear. And you need to know that you're going to be doing it with me because this is the only program that I do, which is one year in length. It is the way to work with me and I can't wait for you to be a part of it if it's the right fit for you. So click the link in the show notes.

Someone from my team will get ahold of you. We will set up a call, answer all of your questions and I'll see on the other side of a year of massive transformation and growth. And I'm just feeling so, so grateful for it. What are you grateful for today? What are you looking forward to today? I know I'm so looking forward to Memorial Day weekend and having all my friends in town and incredible stuff. So figure out what can you be grateful for today. I'm super grateful for wrapping up this last Mastermind, these incredible people I

spent the last year with. So grateful for them and so grateful that they challenged themselves and the growth that they've achieved and I'm so looking forward to Memorial Day weekend. What are you looking forward to? It's a huge perspective shift when you start focusing on gratitude and what you're looking forward to. It puts you in such a positive mindset. So hoping that you're having an amazing day today, hoping that you can let go of worry because it's so not worth it. As I was reminded yet again, this week. All right. Until next week, keep creating your confidence.

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