Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #437: Pause, Breathe, CONQUER With Heather!

Episode Date: June 19, 2024

The biggest stages in the world are waiting to welcome you. Are you ready to take the stage? Let me teach you how…. Join The Elite Mastermind with me! There are only 20 seats available. Link here: https://heathermonahan.com/the-elite-mastermind/ In This Episode You Will Learn About:  Why change is an opportunity rather than a threat How routines help you stay grounded Cultivating a mindset to expect positive outcomes Start living into your potential Resources: Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Listen to The Bossbabe Podcast on Apple, Spotify, or your favorite podcast platform to level up your business this year. Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Life's twists and turns can be challenging, but tackling them head-on is something we can all do together. When things get rocky or unexpected changes pop up, let's take a moment to pause, breathe, and maybe even chat with someone who’s been through it before. Believe in yourself and the value you bring to the table. I'm working on this too, and it's a journey we can share. Success isn’t just a destination—it’s a journey built on bouncing back, being prepared, and having the guts to face uncertainty head-on. Together, we can shift how we look at setbacks and turn them into chances to grow! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lower case. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Monahan. Come on this journey with me each week when you join me. We are going to chase down our goals overcome adversity And set you up for a better tomorrow I'm ready for my close-up. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week Oh my gosh. Okay. So first of all, if you don't know this, I think i've told you this before I record the show A couple of days before you actually hear it. I have a production team. I have a team that has to take my audio, make sure that it sounds right.

If there's any weird noise in the background, they fix it, right? They make it sound as great and professional as possible. So they need time to do their job. Then it needs to be uploaded, you know, to all the different outlets. So you can hear me on iHeart Media, on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts, on all these different places, right? So then show notes have to be created and they need to be named and a lot of stuff has to go on, right? A lot of work. By the way, I don't do any of that. My team doesn't. Thank you to them. Amazing job. Great team. Nobody succeeds alone. So the moral of the story is this, it's weird today.

It's kind of bizarre because I'm at my house right now, getting ready to board a flight to Arizona to take the biggest US stage I've ever taken. Isn't that funny that I have to say US because Saudi Arabia was as big, but it's gonna be a million people in the United States primarily. I'll be in Arizona and it's wild it's

Tony Robbins and Dean Graziosi stage and this has been like a bucket list stage for me for a while that I really have wanted to take and I knew I would take it I just didn't know when you know it's like one of those things you know I know I can serve their audience and do a great job for them but it's here and so by the time you actually hear this episode, I will have already done it. Isn't that wild? But I haven't done it yet.

So it's kind of like a bizarre thing. So, all right, I'm putting that out there and I'll talk a little bit more about that. But first I want to talk about something else. I got a call from a really close one of my best friends the other day. She called me under the premise of asking me about some things that are going on in my personal life.

And I was telling her, you telling her what she wanted to know. And then I said, how are you doing? And she said, oh, not good. And I said, what's happening? And she said, oh my gosh, we just found out the company's expanding, huge expansion. They're basically doubling the sales team, the sales team efforts, revenues are going to be expected to double, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, oh my gosh, so exciting.

Immediately that's where my head goes. She's like, there's nothing exciting about this. And this is where a lot of people's head goes, right? Because they're thinking change? How can this negatively impact me? This is where her head was. She said, no, it's horrible. And I said, well, walk me through why it's bad.

I hear all good when I hear that. But again, I was a chief revenue officer of a media company. So when you're one of the decision makers, certainly change and decisions sound differently because you're behind them. But she's on the front lines and is actually a support person supporting the sales teams and directing the sales teams. So she was reacting. And one thing, and I talk about this a lot, when we react to what other people do or say,

we give them power over us. That is fact. So it's so important. I know it's not easy, but just cause it's easy doesn't mean it's not possible. It is possible. You need to train yourself not to react, to pause, to breathe.

And I was actually proud of her. She recognized she was in a bad mental space and said, hey, I need to go for a walk. I'll be back. And she excused herself from the office and went outside to go for a walk and calmed herself down. And she called me.

So that was really good. Super smart. You wanna be able to reach out to the people on your team that you know have your back and will advise you well, get yourself out of a negative space before you react further, right? And give people more control over you. Unfortunately, at that point in time,

she had already had some discourse with her boss. Here's what I say, unfortunately, she reacted, which we don't wanna do, but you know, it happens to all of us, so she reacted. And she said, wait a minute, wait a minute, how does this impact me? Does that mean you're doubling the support team? Well, there's such a better way to say it than that, okay?

This is what happened, right? She was reacting reactionary and they said, no, we're not doubling the support team and you know, keep it moving. It was basically a negative conversation, right? Didn't give her the outcome that she was hoping for or really needs, right? Cause let's be honest, if your company's doubling in size, the support team needs to double in size. I mean, the math doesn't work otherwise, right? So that's ridiculous. However, in any publicly traded company, oftentimes CFOs are driving a lot of

decisions. And when acquisitions are made where you're acquiring another company to grow a company to that level, the people in finance are always going to say, no, they can do it with the existing staff or whatever, even though the reality is there's zero chance that will work, there will be failures, there'll be lost revenue, lost clients, lost employees, like anyhow, seen the movie, been there, done that. So here's the thing, and here's what I want you to know,

and here's what I wanted her to know. There's another way we can approach this, right? First and foremost, we need to come from a place of calm. We need to come from a place of putting ourselves in the shoes of the other people. So really remove our emotion and how charged we might be in that moment, which is normal, I get it, right?

But I'm telling you, I've seen this movie so many times, I've been in it so many times that I know the right way to handle it or the best way that I've been able to see it handled. And this is what I advised her is, I said, when you go back in there, I said, for today, I really would try to have as little dialogue as possible with anyone.

And if your boss comes back to you and tries to engage you again, what I would suggest you do is buy yourself time, right? Because you're not mentally clear on what you want to say. You don't have the narrative down yet. And you're still in a reactionary triggered moment, right? So we're not gonna be at our best when we're triggered when we're reacting to past wounds hurts upset Whatever or fear that we have right we need to come from a place of

confidence from a place of kindness and from a place of Possibility and opportunity that's where we want to come from. She wasn't there yet. So I advised her I said listen Here's what I would suggest you do if they come to you and say hey We want to keep that conversation going that you started a little earlier and talk to you about you know Why it's gonna happen you see this listen. I need a favor from you right now. I'm buried in work I'm knee-deep in work. Let me get through today Let me go ahead and prioritize the tasks at hand so I can hit these deliverables that are on deadline for today and prioritize the tasks at hand so I can hit these deliverables that are on deadline for today.

Let me sleep on it and let's put something on the calendar for later this week where we can sit down and have a more educated, timely discussion. Today really doesn't work because the tasks I have at hand need to get done. Right? So that way you're saying to your boss, hey, I'm prioritizing work. I'm prioritizing where I'm at in the jobs and tasks assignments I've been given. Let me go ahead in this present moment and knock those out. And then in the next couple of days, really just buying yourself time so that you can

control your narrative, write your narrative, script it, practice it, take some notes and get into a good mental space. Then you're coming from a place of power, a place of calm, and you're not reacting anymore. So that was the advice that I gave her. Again, I go back to just it's practice not reacting to others and Listen, I'm the worst in my personal life. By the way, I'm really good at this in business Very rarely do I react in business, which I'm so proud of I'm thinking of so many examples right now It's why I crack up. I think of it like as a game, right? It's kind of a game like oh you thought you were gonna

Get me no Shot missed didn't work Monahan one other side zero. So think of it that way. You can. It makes it kind of fun because you feel super proud of yourself. Like, oh, I didn't flip out. I didn't lose my mind. I didn't get triggered. However, as I mentioned in my personal life, I get triggered. It's so annoying. I have not mastered that part of it, but we're all imperfect souls. We're all learning, growing and finding our way. So I will continue to work on that. I am a work in progress like we all are.

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I don't like change. I feel afraid. I don't want to have my workload double. She was telling me all the awful things that could happen. Now, mind you, in that present moment, nothing had happened yet. Like reality right now is nothing had happened. This was a conversation for the future

that they're going to acquire another company, enlarge the sales team, double revenues, et cetera. So with all that being said, nothing had happened yet. And that's where we need to live, is like live in the present moment, live with what is reality. Now, when you get out of work that night, you wanna engage someone like me who can advise you. I've been where she's talking

about going. I've acquired many companies in my career and I have extensive experience doing this so I can give her and educate her on different ways that she might want to approach it and then she can, you know, based off the information I give her, she can come up with the best one that fits her that she feels good about for her. Right? But you want to tap that person that's been where you're potentially going. So basically what I said to her is this, I said, listen, let's craft a narrative and

there's a couple of different ones we can look at. I'll share with you my thoughts and then you decide what's right for you. I said, but to me, when everything's uncertain, anything is possible. To me, this moment right now, you are more valuable to this company than ever. And you need to start owning that and rocking it. No company can double its sales team and sales revenue without having the most key support personnel. You're more important now than ever. This is where you definitely get a raise.

This is where you definitely get the opportunity and stronghold to position yourself for more, whatever that may be, right? But it's a huge opportunity for you. It's not a moment to go cry in the bathroom because this is actually where they're gonna need to lean on you for your strength, for your consistency, for the systems, process, and procedures that you've already developed and put in place.

They need you now more than ever, right? So see it in that regard. See yourself as that huge champion for the company, this huge stability for the company and this necessity for the company. They want you, right? They need you. And that's power, right?

Everyone's got leverage in some situation. My friend had leverage in this one for sure. Especially knowing that they thought they weren't going or they were trying to take advantage of the situation and not add support personnel. So I said, okay, so step one is that know your worth, know your value. It's at an all time high, kid.

You're rocking, you're like all star right now. You got them, right? So know that you've got all the leverage, they have none. Two, write out a list of what it is that you want. If you were running the company, how could you make this work? Knowing the goals to acquire another company, double the sales, team size, double the sales team size,

double the revenue. What would the perfect scenario look like from your vantage point that you could help educate other people on the team to say, this is the best way we can make it work. Here's some of the onboarding ideas that I have. Here's some of the ways that we can make it seamless. Start walking through, be part of the solution instead of positioning yourself as part of the problem.

It's normal for people to do when you react, you get upset, you get angry, you start thinking of worst case scenarios, you start arguing with people, you get upset, you get emotional. It's like a downward spiral, right? Next thing you know, you're circling the drain. However, there's another way like she did walk away from the scenario for a minute, call someone who's been where you want to go, get some good advice, buy yourself some time so that you can calm yourself down. When you are calm and have had a chance to sleep on it, you want to write out some potential opportunities and options for the company, for the business,

and look at solutions. You want to put yourself in the shoes of the other people and think, where are they coming from? And of course, they're coming from a place that they want to make the company more profitable. They want to increase margins margins, they wanna drive revenue and they wanna do it all to the highest and most effective and efficient level that they can. However, they need to rely on people like my friend to say, what is possible from your department? They don't know, they're not in the weeds over there,

they're in a different position, in a different job and they don't have all the insight and access that you have. So see how valuable you are. First and foremost, if you don't go into these meetings, knowing your value and being your biggest champion, why would anybody else? You have that real talk with yourself.

This is my moment. I've trained my whole life for this. I've been working my tail off for this. I do warrant being there. They need me in an incredibly important way right now during this transition. I can be an ally. I can be a leader for my team.

Here are the things that I need in order to make it work, right? So map all this out, put it in writing, take a look at it, think about it from the vantage points of solutions, how can I help offer solutions and create solutions for the company, for the team, and for myself so that we can all win in the end. Then as you begin talking and like I role play through these things ahead of time. However, as I look to this new opportunity for us to double the revenue, double the team size, here are the ways I think we can do it most effectively, efficiently, and successfully, which I know means the most to you.

Right? So like you want to talk about it in the language of I'm on your team, like I'm team us all day. We're all here together, leave no one behind. Our goal is obvious. We want to double revenue. Our goal is obvious. We're acquiring company and doubling the amount of people here.

And our other goal is that we don't want to lose good people. We want to drive double revenue. Our goal is obvious, we're acquiring company and doubling the amount of people here and our other goal is that we don't wanna lose good people, we wanna drive more revenue, we wanna become more efficient and effective and we wanna do it having fun with everybody remaining on the team. Here's a way that I think we can do that. And that's where you offer up your suggestion, right? So when you hit somebody with,

are you going to double the support team? You're giving them power. Don't do that, take that back. Right, don't give someone the chance to say no when you know you want a yes or you need a yes. And honestly, the math doesn't work, right? So another way I would handle it would be instead of saying when they tell you we're gonna double a sales team,

instead of saying are you gonna double the support team, another way to handle it would be to say, oh my gosh, that's so exciting, super excited, this is going to double the support team? Another way to handle it would be to say, oh my gosh, it's so exciting. Super excited. This is so great for the company. I'm sure the shareholders are going to love this message. Wow, you and I need to get together to go ahead and put together a plan on what it looks like supporting a sales team that has doubled in size, how to onboard them, how to transition, and then how to actually sustain it long term, give me 48 hours and I'll come back to you with some thoughts on how we can make this successful for you and for the company.

Right, so be part of the solution, and then you buy yourself time, you calm yourself down, you put a plan together, but you're not giving them power over you, you're walking in with the power. You have the leverage. And too often, people don't realize realize that to lose an employee at a company Costs the company so much money so much time so many relationships. They don't want to lose you, right?

so don't tailspin and start acting desperate because then they know they've got you and Then they are gonna double your workload and not give you a raise and treat you poorly because we're always teaching people how to treat us I guess the most important takeaway that I would say is to not react, give yourself grace, give yourself some space, buy yourself some time until you can calm down. Don't ask for what you need right away because you need to be able to think through it and not give that person power over you because then we need to convince them as to what we actually do need and why and how it benefits them. When people start seeing how it benefits them versus what the flip side could look like,

real quick it's their idea, right? So I just wanted to leave you with that because it really hit me that this probably happens so often. I know that when I was in the media industry for over 20 years, I mean, these conversations happened multiple times a year because we were acquiring different companies, we were looking at adding and layering new products and service. I mean, these conversations happen on the regular,

but people responded incredibly different depending on who they were and how seasoned they were or whatever it may be. So I just want you to know that you have the ability to buy yourself some time. You have the ability to stay calm. You have the ability to say I'm overloaded right now. Allow me to finish the work that I'm working on today. Let's put this on the calendar for later in the week. And then when you have that time, reach out to someone who's been where you need to go,

someone who's been through these conversations before. Brainstorm with them. Write down some solutions, some options. Roll through them. Practice. Listen, if success was easy, everybody in the world would have it, right? Too often people just react and spin out of control, but the reality is you control the narrative. They want you. They need you. And you have the power. So don't forget it. You are worthy. You are valuable.

You, my friend, are a star. That's what I let my friend know. That's what I'm letting you know today. Meet a different guest each week. Play it on a detour. Confidence cleared. Americans spend an average of 90% of their time indoors and take about 20,000 breaths a day. According to the EPA, indoor air is two to five times more

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which is an additional $84 value. Lock this special offer by going to A I R D O C T O R P R O.com and use promo code confidence. You're welcome. I asked you to try to find your passion. Okay, so now I wanna cut back to, so I'm taking this massive stage, actually I'm taking it tomorrow,

I'm flying out today and I am taking it tomorrow. And a couple of the key things that I wanna tell you is, you know, I've given talks along, you know, overcoming adversity and bouncing back, reinventing yourself, which is essentially the talk that I'm giving tomorrow. I've given these thousands of times, right? So it's not so much the content, it's more just the gravitas of the moment, right? Like it's such a big moment. Here are some of the things that I do to set myself up for success, right? So I have routines, like my routines crush, right? You're training your brain every time you have a routine.

So I visualize all day long, I've been visualizing myself on that stage and everyone going crazy and killing it, right? Like it's already done. It's already happened in my mind. So you got to get in that mindset of training your mind that you can visualize and see how it's going to be. The beauty of this one is I actually went and did a course with them last year. That kind of was like a training for me in my brain.

So it's not my first time taking a stage, even though it really is my first time taking the stage, I've been to the studio before I've worked with the team. They know me. I love them. They love like we're bros. Like I'm walking in there, not a rookie. Right? So this isn't my first rodeo.

And I love that. It's so empowering when you've shown up to the places before. You can see it. You know what the background looks like. You know the people and it's like, it's just, there's like a comfort level there. Right? I'm traveling with my teammate that comes with me everywhere, Cynthia. So there's this support that I get from knowing she's with me. I have so many people in my life that have been reaching out to me, giving me positive encouragement because they know I'm like, this is huge. I'm so fired up.

I'm so excited. I tell a lot of people about it. I couldn't talk about it publicly until tonight at six o'clock, which of course I will the minute I can. But up until now, they had asked that we keep it quiet because it's a big surprise, what they're doing. It's Jim Quick, me, Tony Robbins, Dean Graziosi. There's this whole lineup that wasn't supposed to happen. Well, it actually always was happening, but the attendees don't know what's happening, right? It's called a bonus day. It's a big event. So

the point is this is that I am super excited, but my routines help me stay grounded, right? So I remind myself that, listen, if something quote unquote goes wrong, which means like, Oh, a flight's delayed or we get to the hotel and you know, there's no AC that it's always happening for me. Like whatever it may be that, you know, when one door closes, a better one gets opened. I'll get moved to a suite where there is AC or the next flight will be seamless and we'll meet someone incredible. It's going to change my life. Like there's always some blessing if you just start expecting it. And that's how I set myself up for success.

When I have big events like this, I just expect it. And a great example of that. And it was so funny. I was driving to my workout this morning, which that's so critical for me as I move into big events is working out, helps me like stay calm, get centered and visualize and see all of the good that's about to happen. stay calm, get centered and visualize and see all of the good that's about to happen. But it was funny when I was driving to spin this morning on my playlist on my way there, this crazy tribal song came on and I remembered I downloaded this song when I was going to

speak in Saudi Arabia and I was so scared. I had never been to the Middle East. Everyone was telling me that it was crazy that I was going and that I could get kidnapped and get hurt. And part of me was scared because I didn't know, you know, what was going to happen. By the way, that is so wrong. And it's so much safer in Saudi Arabia than it is in the United States. It's crazy. And I have this team of incredible people that all love Tupac and Biggie and they're my boys and my team.

And I still talk to them all the time on social media and I can't wait to go back. Right. All the fear was for nothing. It wasn't real. So you have in any moment the opportunity to move into fear or move into faith. Both are unseen. I'm choosing to move into faith. And when I heard that tribal song, it just was like further proof to say to me, Heather, wait a minute. Last time you got all scared for nothing, walking around with an open umbrella when it's not raining, in case it rains, which is the most asinine thing ever move into faith, step into faith, which you can't see because it's always working out for you. And it's just such a blessing.

And I was thinking, I was so grateful that song came on because the idea of going back to the middle East is so exciting to me. I can't wait till I get to go back. Right. And all the people that I've meeting and interviewing, the Princess of Saudi Arabia, meeting and interviewing Stephen Bartlett, the billionaire panel of founders that I, it's crazy what happened, right? It was like one of the most incredible experiences of my professional career being over there. And it almost didn't happen because people were speaking fear into me. I was receiving it. And luckily in the end, I moved to to faith. And I'm asking you to move to faith, you have the

chance every day to step into fear or step into faith. Today, I'm stepping into faith. And I was reminded by that tribal song coming on on my way to soul cycle this morning. And it was just so cool. Just reminded me, oh, I got so worried and so scared for nothing went incredibly well. So visualize move to faith, not to fear. Surround yourself with your champions of people that stretch you to grow, that encourage you, that support you, and that speak love, a life, and kindness into you. Let go of the

ones that don't and lock in. Locking in is so important, right? So yes, there's plenty of things going on in my life right now, plenty of problems, plenty of headaches, plenty of things I don't really hyped about. So I put a pin in them and I put a pin in them till I get back to Miami on Wednesday. They'll be here those problems when I get back, but I'm not gonna bring them on the plane with me today. Heck no, I'm locked into this talk.

I'm locked into serving others. I think about how I can impact and affect and help the people that I have the opportunity to interface with. I make it about them and stop making it about ourselves, right? So that's my mission, right? So then when I start coming at everything from a place of, I get to help these people? Holy I got to rush out there. I can't wait to get out there. I'm so hyped. I'm so excited. There's a fine line between fear and excitement and I'm choosing to lean into excitement. And I hope the same for you. And then if I ever get nervous at all,

I just go to my Instagram and watch some of my hype videos that are crazy, like this Beyonce video that I shared last week. It's so powerful. And I just channel my inner Beyonce and get out there and rock it. And then before you know, because you put the time and because you put the reps in,

your body just takes over and suddenly you're back. And that's how I got through my TEDx talk when I got super nervous, right? So again, having those past experiences of being nervous, having those past experiences of freaking out and putting the work in and not knowing how it's going to go and then going through with it anyways, stepping into fear sets me up for lack of fear for the next big stage. So I feel really good. I feel really good going into the situation. And I've got my routine down. I've got all my outfits out.

I've got my team surrounding me. I'm walking into a situation I've been into once before. I've got my messaging all over the place. You are a star. You are worthy. You make a difference. And so do you. So step into fear today, start taking the bigger stages in your life, whatever that may look like,

start living into your potential and start knowing that the world needs you. The world needs your light, the world needs your unique skills and talents, the world needs you shining bright. And I'm gonna go board this plane. Okay, so more on all of this next week. I can't wait to share it all with you. Visualize your success today.

And I can't wait to hear what you're coming up with. By the way, this is the last week you can apply for my mastermind. So apply, apply, apply if you're looking to run with me for one year straight. This is the only way you can work with me directly. The team is incredible. I am in love with these people.

Literally next level human beings and it's so exciting to be part of a group and a team that's pushing each other to get to that next level. Go to my website HeatherMonahan.com. There's also a link in the show notes below where you can apply for the mastermind. I'd love to see you on that other side. Until next week keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. Hi, I'm here to tell you about a new podcast that I am so excited about, Negotiate Your Best Life. Hosted by Rebecca Zung, a part of the YAP Media Network, as a globally renowned narcissist negotiation expert and an attorney recognized by US News as a best lawyer in America, Rebecca shares her

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