Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan - #451: LET GO Of What No Longer Serves You With Heather!

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

In This Episode You Will Learn About:  How to recognize toxic relationships and negative influences in your life Ways to EMBRACE faith and belief in yourself while navigating uncertainties Why you need to surround yourself with a TRIBE of positive, uplifting people who inspire and push you Reasons to release anything that no longer supports your GROWTH Resources: Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Kajabi is offering a free 30-day trial to start your business if you go to Kajabi.com/confidence Get your KPI Checklist, absolutely free, at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN.  Want to do more and spend less like Uber, 8x8, and Databricks Mosaic? Take a free test drive of OCI at oracle.com/MONAHAN. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553!  Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/  Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com  If you haven't yet, get my first book Confidence Creator Show Notes:  Reflecting on the past decade, I'm AMAZED at how far I've come. Ten years ago, I was deeply entrenched in the corporate media world and getting fired felt like the end of the world. But that moment of intense vulnerability pushed me to take risks I never imagined! From launching my podcast to writing two books, I discovered resilience and creativity I didn't know I had. The biggest lesson I've learned is to LET GO of what no longer serves you. True growth happens when you embrace the unknown. Look back at your journey, acknowledge your fears, and celebrate your triumphs. The future is unwritten, and the only limits are the ones we place on ourselves. Here's to swinging for the fences, making EPIC mistakes, and creating a life we're proud of.

When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling my group coaching on the regular and it is just so easy. All because I use Shopify. Come on this journey with me each week. When you join me, you're going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my closeup. Hi and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back here with me this week. Oh my gosh. Okay.

So this is sort of an exciting week. Okay. For a couple of different reasons. Okay. Number one, celebrate your accomplishments. So this might even be the episode. This could be my 450th episode. It's happening this week. So I don't know if it's this one or I dropped two episodes a week as you know. If you've been with me, if you've been with me, thank you for being here.

Thank you for subscribing to the show. I'm so grateful. I love this show. I love doing this show. But so this is 450 episodes. Also, this is my fifth year, my five year anniversary of having the show. So it's just, I don't think people understand

how much work a podcast is, right? Like, just let me give you a little background on it. I had no idea what I was doing when I launched the show in 2019. I first launched it with Podcast One and we were doing one interview a week and I was doing them in LA, in the studio in LA. We parted ways and I moved the show to Yap Media.

Hala Taha, who manages my social media and has since 2020 launched Yap Media and I moved my show to her. I've been with her since, her company is doing incredibly well, growing so fast, super proud of her and moved the show to her. And then we decided to start testing, try like, you don't know what you're doing. Let's try adding a second show each week and see how that does. Decided to do a solo episode just because it was easier, right? I didn't have to schedule another person.

I didn't have to receive more pitches and review pitches and then read other people's books and it was just, it was more efficient, more effective, and it's something different, right? Like, we'll just give it a shot and see what happens. Guess what the most downloaded episodes of the past two years are? The solo episodes. What?

How would we know that, right? Test and try, do different things. Like I would have never thought as a podcast host that you would do better doing a solo episode, but it does. Data doesn't lie. Always look at the data. The data will inform you. Okay. So had no idea what I was doing when we launched in 2019. Feel like I have a much better handle now that I've been doing it for five years, but it took

way more work than I ever thought. The amount of promotion behind it that you have to do to get people to listen, to share the show, to ask the guests to share it, to promote it on social media, to do marketing campaigns on platforms where podcasts are listened to. You have to guest on other people's shows to promote your show. You have to research guests, you have to edit shows, you have to do, it's a lot, right, just a lot.

So like anything, when you see the end product, like if you see me on stage giving a speech, you're like, oh, she's really good at that. Oh my gosh. If people ever knew the amount of work that goes into things behind the scenes, it's wild. Don't take for granted when you see somebody show up and there's a great picture that it was one take because I'm going to tell you right now. It definitely wasn't. There's a lot more that goes on behind the scenes. Okay, so I'm super hyped. I hope you're celebrating whatever is going on right now in August for you. I think it's so important to take a moment

and just recognize how far we've come, what we've accomplished, the fact that you didn't know this was gonna happen before. It just further motivates you for like what else is possible ahead of you. And I don't know, that makes me, I get so hyped about stuff like that. It inspires me to go for more, inspires me to achieve more and get excited about today and the future, right?

Anything can happen and the only limitation on you is yourself. And that's pretty flippin' exciting. Because I never thought I would be a podcast host. Not even five years ago. Like probably a week before the show started, I didn't even really believe it until we did it. And then once you do it, you start as a beginner, you get better as you go along. And then suddenly you're like, well, of course I'm a podcast host. Why wouldn't I have been a podcast host

five years later? Right. So it's much easier to see after you've done the work. work. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind. Now I'm selling all my digital courses and coaching on Shopify. It's so easy all because I use Shopify. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million order stage Shopify is there to help you grow whether you're selling scented soap or offering outdoor outfits Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all in one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system wherever and whatever you're selling.

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my business. Thank you, Shopify. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US and Shopify is the global force behind Albert's, Roth's, and Brooklyn and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size over across 175 countries. Plus Shopify's award-winning help is there to support your success every step of the way and it's so good because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Monahan, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Monahan. Now to grow your business no

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billion dollars. So the other thing that is wild right now for me is this week, it was August 8th, 2017, the news story that was trending in media was me, which is so weird, right? If you weren't in the media business, you probably wouldn't know who Heather Monahan was back then. And I didn't have a podcast. I was a business executive at a media company and I had been fired. And so I posted about it. That went viral all over all social media because I said I've been fired and people you know didn't say that very often back then.

They still don't say that often today. So it got picked up by a ton of news outlets. So August 7th or was it August 8th? I don't remember. 2017 is when that story went viral and was shared everywhere. I'm going to actually share it on social media this week on LinkedIn. So if you want to check it out, follow me on LinkedIn. So you can get my content there. But the reason why I want to highlight it and I want to share it on social is for anyone going through it right now. Like I always want to point to, I was at the lowest of the lows. I was crying my eyes out.

I cried my whole ride home from Naples. I had a non-compete, non-solicit. I couldn't bring my team with me. I couldn't compete in the industry I'd been an expert in for 20 years, right? Like everything that I felt I had for value in business, I had to walk away from to start over somewhere as a beginner and I didn't know what to do. And I was a single mother raising my child with major bills, right? Like there was no layup that was going on where I was like, Oh, I'll take a few months off and figure it out. No, that was not my situation. So I just remember I was panicked.

I was under a weighted blanket. I was freaking out. And the best thing I did was I posted that I had just been fired. That post went viral, landed me on the Elvis Duran show. And when I was on that show, he said to me, well, obviously you're writing a book. And I wrote my first book, Confidence Creator.

And that started this whole new path in life that I never in a million years would have dreamt that I would write two books, that I would have a podcast, that I'd be a board member, that I'd be a keynote speaker, that I'd be a consultant, that I'd have coaching and mentoring programs. Like, what? What is any of this? I didn't know about any of this world at all. Literally knew nothing about it. And I just immersed myself in it. And as I did and just kept moving forward, taking messy action after messy action, doors started opening and I figured it out along the way.

And I think for a lot of us that we get caught up in, it should be this one linear way and this one path. I have found having faith in yourself, having faith in God, having faith in something bigger that the universe is aligning for you and just moving forward, taking action is the right way to go. Sitting around overthinking things and believing there's like this one perfect plan, I haven't ever seen that work out, right?

Certainly didn't work out for me in corporate America and that's not how things have worked since I left. It's more a series of mistakes, opportunities, miracle. It's kind of all over the board. It's not this one linear clear line. At least my life has not been that way. I don't think most people's has been that way. Or you're probably leading kind of a boring life if it is, right? It's just kind of flatlining, which that doesn't sound like living to me. So I will always definitely be more of a swing for the fences, go big, make some epic fails along the way, make some mistakes, pick yourself back up and swing again. And the more you do that,

the easier it gets, right? And the more exciting it gets too. And the more you have this knowing that I don't know exactly how it's going to work out. I just know that it will. And having that faith and that confidence and belief that I'm moving in the right out, I just know that it will. And having that faith and that confidence and belief that I'm moving in the right direction, I'm with people that support me, encourage me, challenge me to get bigger, go for more, I'm doing the next right thing, that to me is where you're supposed to be.

So if you're not there, oh my gosh, pump the brakes, know this, know that there is another way, there is another path, your skills and talents can be used and recognized and valued so many different places with different companies, working for yourself with different clients. Get rid of fire, the negative people, fire the villains in your life and set yourself up to take off. Because my life is so completely different than what it was seven years ago. Even the people I'm with, it's so wild. I had lifelong friends in that media business.

Of course, I had been in it over 20 years, and I still do, but I thought I had thousands of friends. I have probably 10 friends that I've kept in the media business, not much more than that, right? Like a very small number of friends that I've stayed close to. And a lot of people dropped me immediately, right? Like a very small number of friends that I've stayed close to. And a lot of people dropped me immediately, right? It wasn't all my choice.

It was definitely when I lost my title and lost, I guess, that clout in that business, some people just walked away. So it's interesting, those negative times in your life can really show you who your friends are, which is such a blessing and a gift because nobody has time to be spending time with those that really don't have your back, right? I'd rather figure that out and be running with my ride or die, running with the people that I'm always going to run with through thick and thin, through good times and bad. You want to know who your real people are. It's so, so important. Okay.

So this week is just, it's one of those introspective weeks where I want to challenge you to look back. So often, is just, it's one of those introspective weeks where I want to challenge you to look back. So often, you know, we get caught up in the moment in the new thing and the new challenge we're pursuing and the new, oh my gosh, what if I don't achieve this or what if this doesn't happen and we put all this pressure on ourselves. I was looking back, I'm turning 50 as you know, I'm turning 50 next week actually, and I was looking back at my 40th birthday party. I had this huge party in Miami, rented out this place at the Lowe's Hotel and it was

insane. I had people from all over the country fly in and it cost me a fortune. It was super fun right. I'm glad I did it but going into my 50th I don't want to do some big party like that. Like I'm so much more chill around. I just want to do something easy and like see the people I love and have so much fun. And I don't want the drama of like having you know disagreements and what about this night and ah it's just I'm over that. And it's funny how different times in your life you see things so differently and there's nothing wrong with that like whatever it is. To me I just love the easy button. I love having fun. I love being with good people and having a good time.

And that's just, you know, I saw that differently 10 years ago. It had to be this certain way and this like over the top party and whatever. And that was so great for that moment. But it's so, so different now. And it's just so funny to watch how we all change with time. Well, I was looking for these pictures, right?

Cause I wanted to reminisce and it was so funny because pictures were so bad back then 10 years ago. Gosh, our iPhone pictures were horrible. Technology has changed drastically as we all know, as everybody has their AI avatars now. And I was looking back at these pictures and when I was searching, this is what was cool that I wanted to share with you. I was searching on my phone for 10 years ago, and I started seeing all these pictures of me in business 10 years ago.

That's not what I was searching for. I was searching for the birthday party pics, but I was still in corporate America in the media business at the time. And I was seeing these pictures where I just looked like heavy on my heart. I mean, I think I looked great. It was 10 years ago, but I just saw like, I saw all the stress on my face and I know why. I was working side by side with someone who didn't like me.

I wasn't living up to my potential. I was dimming my light, trying to make other people feel better. And now that I look back, I could see it on me. Isn't that crazy? In the moment, in the time, I don't think I could see it. I knew I was unhappy. I wasn't living my best life, but I knew I was unhappy. I wasn't living

my best life, but I also thought, you know, maybe this is just like what work is. I didn't really know it. It wasn't horrible. You know, there was times that were great and super fun and I, you know, I spoke on a lot of stages back then and I loved that part of it. I loved my team. I built this amazing team of people and I thought they were great. So like there were aspects of my job I really liked, so I would focus on those things. But then, you know, the people I didn't agree with a lot around the culture. In the office I didn't agree with, obviously, a number of the people I worked with in the executive team. And so I could see it so clear now looking back and sadly I couldn't see it back at the time.

Alright, cut to you. So I was going through those pictures and then I decided to look at like right when I got fired, which was seven years ago this week, as I mentioned. And it's wild because I remember when I was looking at those pictures and looking at my face, I thought if that girl ever knew where this girl is today, she would be so hyped. And I want you to do that. Like go back five years, seven years, 10 years, and look at some pictures of where you were, what was going on in your life at that time,

and imagine if that version of you could know where you are today. Like how proud they would be, right? And so I try to remind myself of those things because I, just like you you get caught up in these moments of okay well I took one Tony Robbins stage like when's the next one and when's the next you know I'm going back to leap in February but what else huge am I doing I need to go bigger than that this year like right you start

putting this pressure on yourself that everything has to be bigger and you know you have to keep going for more but I I also, as much as, listen, that's just me. I like to push on me to grow and to do more and do better. But I also, what I've learned, is I wanna give myself grace and I wanna recognize the wins and I wanna appreciate how far I've come because that's super important too. And getting that chance to look back at those pictures

and just kinda having that conversation with myself is, I am so proud of me. I'm so proud of that girl back there 10 years ago, seven years ago, five years ago, because I know she was scared to death, but she kept moving forward, right? She kept taking messy action. And because she did that,

I get to sit here today with you on this show. Right, if she didn't do all those things, if that younger version of me didn't step into the fear, didn't keep moving forward, didn't keep swinging for the fences, even though she didn't know where she was going, I wouldn't have the show today. It wouldn't be five years in on the show.

So my point is this, acknowledge how far you've come. Recognize how proud that younger version of you would be to see you today. And I hope you are today of where you are. And if you're not, then this is the wake up call that you need to go for more. This is the wake up call that no one has it all figured out. Fear is a green light that means go and go faster. You've got to just start stepping into it.

Hold yourself accountable, declare where it is that you're going, even if you don't really know, forward is a direction. Pick forward and just start going. Take that messy action. Hold yourself accountable. Build out a 30 day plan, right? is a direction, pick forward and just start going, take that messy action, hold yourself accountable, build out a 30 day plan, right?

And this is exactly what I'm doing with my August group coaching this month is holding this team accountable, having them define their goals, claim their goals, have an intention for the month, hold them self accountable that you're going to check in, take daily action steps, right? Like all these very basic things that so many people just don't do. If success was easy, everybody would have it. I get it, right? Like if success was easy, everybody would be fit and in shape. If success was easy, but the reality is sacrifices come into play, prioritizing comes into play, hard work comes into play, discipline comes into play,

choices come into play. Not making a choice is a choice and that comes into play, discipline comes into play, choices come into play. Not making a choice is a choice. And that comes into play. Right. Like all of these factors come into play and we're left to say, what is it that I choose? What is it that I'm okay with? Like, am I going to invest in me and hold myself accountable or am I going to sit on the sidelines and complain more about my life?

Hmm. Option B is not so good. Right. Like start doing something differently, whatever that is for you, right? Remove one negative thing from your life, declutter one thing from your life so you can add one positive, like start somewhere small

so that you can start stacking those wins, feeling proud of who you are, building some momentum, getting negative people out of your life, pulling some positive people in and start getting excited again. It just seems so simple and it really is easy, but at the end of the day, you're the one that's going to have to hold yourself accountable. If you don't have an accountability partner, and if you don't have an

accountability partner, go to my website HeatherMonahan.com, sign up for the free 30-day accountability partner program. You will get an email from me each day reminding you to stay focused on your goals, reminding you to take action steps towards achieving them and holding yourself accountable. If you're like me, then you are getting so hyped for fall dressing now that fall is right around the corner. I'm so thrilled to hear from one of our favorite sponsors, Jenny Kane. They are the experts in classic elevated wardrobe essentials, especially iconic and super luxe sweaters. Jenny Kane is a California brand through and through,

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that you worry much less about. Embrace your summer aesthetic with Jenny Kane. Find your new uniform at jennikane.com. 15% off with your first order. That's code confidence15 at checkout. If you're like me, then you are getting so hyped for fall dressing now that fall is right around the corner.

I'm so thrilled to hear from one of our favorite sponsors, Jenny Kane. They are the experts in classic elevated wardrobe essentials, especially iconic and super luxe sweaters. Jenny Kane is a California brand through and through, and their staples make getting dressed effortless. Think minimalist and refined with pieces like cozy cashmere sweaters and noteworthy accessories to elevate versions of your everyday basics. Jenny Kane has everything you need to take the guesswork out of getting dressed, not to mention the most incredible home essentials too. Their sweaters are the quintessential must-have item and I'm eagerly stocking up on all their transitional knits and fall ready basics like the cashmere

cocoon cardigan. The cocoon is the perfect cardigan. It's oversized, super soft and goes with everything. Find your new uniform at jennikane.com. Our listeners get 15% off your first order when you use code CONFIDENCE15 at checkout. That's 15% off your first order. J E N N I K A Y N E dot com promo code confidence 15. Let getting dressed be one of the things that you worry much less about. Embrace your summer aesthetic with Jenny Kane.

Find your new uniform at jennikane.com 15% off with your first order. That's code confidence 15 at checkout. at checkout. The way that I compare it and this is what I did when I got fired is I thought about like losing weight and like if you wanted to go on a weight loss journey you're gonna weigh yourself in every day you're gonna have a target weight you're gonna change the way you eat you're gonna change your exercise plan you're gonna have someone check in with you it's no different in business it's no different in life like whatever those goals, whether you want to create more confidence in your life or you want to get a promotion or you want to start a side hustle, you need to define these

things. You need to intend them. You need to revisit them. You need to surround yourself with people who have already done it, right? So often it's the who, not the how. The who is what's going to get you there faster. The who, the person that's done the thing that you wanna do, you don't need to reinvent the wheel. Find the who. And start raising your hand and asking. A closed mouth never gets fed, right? So there's just some of these basic principles in life and business that when you keep revisiting

frequency cells, keep reminding yourself of it, and then keep stepping into that unknown to move yourself forward, you're gonna start seeing some wins. And those wins are gonna stack on each other and those wins are gonna get bigger and those wins are gonna launch you to your bigger, better life.

And so that's when I'm reflecting over this last decade, that's one of the things that I'm thinking about. I'll tell you, and I wanna get into this, I'm gonna get into this a lot on social as well, is that I am thinking so much like, what are the biggest life lessons I've learned over the last decade? I gotta say this is the biggest one is look back and let go of what no longer serves you. Too many times in my life, even my old job I was hanging on to for too long, right? Like just

because something's comfortable doesn't mean it's good. You know that expression the devil you know versus devil you don't know. Well, if you're calling what you know a devil, get the heck out of there. No, that's the biggest takeaway I have in my life in the last decade, whether it's personal relationships, business, anything, food habits, like workout habits, whatever it is, right?

That if you're hanging onto something, you're getting dragged and that is no way to live. Stop looking back, it screws with your neck. Look forward, right? Like the windshield is so much bigger than the rear view for a reason. Your windshield is forward, that's where you're going. Stay focused there.

Focus on where you want to go, not on where you were in hanging onto something that should be gone. Close the door on it. When you close the door, a better one gets open. And that's a promise, right? But you've got to be willing to let go and close that door. And for a long time, I hung on and dragged,

whether it be through relationships, through that old business, through that old company. That was my biggest takeaway and lesson that I learned. And I want you to learn it so you don't have to live through it. I want you to learn what took me a decade to learn. I want you to learn it so you don't have to live through it. I want you to learn what took me a decade to learn. I want you to learn in this 30 minute episode. So promise me that you will let go of what no longer serves you. You will close the door to what is not the right door for you so that you can

open the door to the better one. The better one doesn't open until you close the other. Don't get dragged. Let go of it. Cut it and watch how much better things get. That's my biggest takeaway That's my biggest learning from the last decade and that's one that I won't forget because I've repeated the mistake So many times sadly the lesson has been learned Level 50 is being achieved in a week and that is that's my big takeaway for you today Okay So let go of what no longer serves you. Close the door on it.

Cut it so that you can open the door to something so much better. And I promise you that will happen. Okay, until next week, keep creating your confidence. You know I will be. I'm gonna make it over again. I decided to change that dynamic. And then I feel left.

I couldn't be more excited for what you're gonna hear. Start learning and growing. Inevitably something will happen. What's up everyone? I'm Hala Taha, host of YAP Young and Profiting podcast, a top 10 entrepreneurship podcast on Apple. I'm also the CEO and founder of the YAP Media Podcast Network, the number one business and self-improvement podcast network. That's why they call me the podcast princess. On Young and Profiting podcast, I interview the brightest minds in the world, offering

actionable advice to level up your life. I've interviewed marketing legends like Gary Vee and Seth Godin, serial entrepreneurs like Alex Hermosy and Damon John, and even the godmother and godfather of AI, Fifi Lee and Stephen Wolfram, respectively. I've interviewed so many inspiring guests, and I don't really like to put my podcast in a box. We talk about anything that will improve your life as an entrepreneur. I tend to talk a lot about brand, marketing, sales strategies, and better understanding psychology and human behavior to get what you want. But we also cover things like balance, biohacking, and mental wellness, and of course, hot topics like AI.

One thing my listeners always say is that my podcast is highly motivational. If you want to get pumped up and take your life and business to the next level, come listen, learn, and profit with the Yapp fam. We're young and profiting not because of our age, but because we're committed to ongoing learning and self-improvement. So join Podcast Royalty and subscribe to Yap, Young and Profiting on Apple, Spotify,

or wherever you listen to your podcasts.